Modric to Utd?

Get a grip. It won't happen. Although one or two Spurs fans are worried that Fergie, rather than do the obvious and spend most of the Ronaldo windfall on a 'superstar' signing like Augero or Ribery or the lad from Lyon, Benzema - he'd prefer to spend a little less on proven Premiership quality such as Valencia and possibly Modric. More for your money sort of ethic rather than replacing one £80M player with a £60M one, which is what Ribery may cost, thanks to the mad mad footballing world we live in - completely detached from the reality of the economic crisis the world sits in.

Ironically, the dawn of the new Galacticos at Madrid means that every next best thing is going to be valued at an even more ridiculous price, leading to chaos and probable melt-down at a later date. Or maybe not.

Zidane was probably worth the £45M or so paid out by that zany Pérez. But even that was an incredible figure to part with but Real made the money back in silverware and shirt sales. Is Kaka worth £59M? Is Ronaldo worth more than both of them in a direct comparison? How much would Messi go for?

I guess these type of transfers will remain isolated in that it's always Madrid who do the buying, and in desperation are able to sign anyone for the most inflated of prices simply because they can.

So with the £80M set to burn a pretty hefty hole in his pocket (or sitting in a shoe box under the Glazers bed) one or two seem to suspect that Utd might look across to White Hart Lane once more to see what bargain they can pick up.

Modric and Lennon for £40M? <insert tumbleweed here>

The £30M spent on a certain moody Bulgarian has burnt Fergies fingers a little which will hopefully have him turning towards Germany and Ribery.

In all seriousness, our Modric isn't quite at the level that would have Utd knocking at our door. They've lost a superstar, so they need to draft in someone with the same sort of status.

Man Utd are one of the biggest clubs in the world with a small fortune at their mercy. The last place they're going to turn up at with a cheque book is N17. They want to win the league again, not finish 4th.

Fergie would do well in pinching Sneijder from Madrid. Quality player without the Hollywood hype.

Wilson Palacios is a legend

DML Awards

With a couple of months to go before pre-season kicks off, I thought it best to spread the season review and 'awards' across several blog articles. Keep things short and snappy (for a change).

So first up the first batch of player awards.

Best Summer Signing

Lickle Luka Modric. The impish looking lad that was written off before he even kicked a ball in the EPL. Not strong enough cited old man Wenger from the depths of his swamp. He'd be blown away like a crisp packet in a storm if you cared to believe some of the punditry dished out early season. And there were moments when we almost believed it to be true as we held our heads in our hands watching Spurs slump from one game to the next. Luka, looking lost and struggling. And then in came saviour Harry and with each passing game the Croatian began to find his feet and dink about with confidence. All thanks to a little bit of balance and team structure. From the left, cutting in with purpose, there was plenty of crafting and clever balls and the odd goal too. There is absolutely no doubting this blokes ability and he has conducted play from midfield with freedom and much glee giving us a spark that most thought had gone with Berbatov's departure to United. He took time to settle, as expected, and has proven he has a touch of the world class about him. Lovely player, proper Tottenham sort, who will no doubt improve further next season and grab a few more goals. Luka Moddle indeed.


Worst Player

Difficult one this. Should the accolade be awarded to someone who has played few games based on the fact they are woeful or someone who has been selected time and time again regardless of the fact they are woeful? Or perhaps it should be given to the player who played several games whilst being woeful and then hardly figured after that. Such was the woefulness.

Step forward, Mr David Bentley. Personal problems have been cited along with the pressures of a massive transfer fee as the main excuses for his non-existent form. Others would suggest being played out on the left-hand side destroyed him. So what exactly happened to Beckham MkII? Where did it all go wrong?

Much like most of the side in those opening eight games, there was no cohesion or belief. But where others clawed their way back up from mediocrity, Bentley was left behind with his head buried in the sand. He was devoid of all the basics. Simple passes and crosses were an impossible tasks for the lad. Everything had to be Hollywood and came off looking a ITV. That Goal against Arsenal could have been and should have been the opportunity to reclaim some of the hype, but alas, it wasn’t to be. He got worse with each game. The worst of them, a depressingly bad display against Burnley in the home leg of the semi-final.

For the money spent on a player that was not a necessity in the first place who then found himself pushed out of the right side to make way for a blistering Aaron Lennon, you feel his dream move turning into a nightmare was possibly the reason his fragile ego collapsed with no apparent sign of recovery. It's looking highly likely that Bentley will be sold on - for a loss - in the summer, allowing Harry to sign another right-back (probably).

It's been shambloic.


Best Comeback Player

According to Alan Hansen, Gomes was the worst Premier League goal keeper he had ever seen. This coming from a man who played in a side with Bruce Grobelaar in goal. There is no doubting the fact that our Brazilian lank was the very definition of calamity during the period of time that we took backwards steps away from the upper regions of the table. He likes punching the ball. And he likes running out, jumping, and claiming it. In a winning side that defends well, you can do this sort of clean-up work with that extra buzz of confidence instilled by the fact that all is well and you're protected. When the team is crap and you make a mistake or two then the mistakes keep on rolling, especially when you start thinking too much instead of reacting instinctively.

It gets even worse when you try even harder to do your job - all eyes on you, the slightest normal run of the mill error suddenly becomes yet another joke piece of goalkeeping. The media are relentless with the jokes and comedy commentary. But rather apologetically implode like Paul Robinson did, Gomes knowing and believing he is a player of quality, dug deep. And even when the media ignored his improvement and concentrated on any little thing ('oh look he came for the ball and didn't quite make contact no other keeper ever does that') he continued to work hard until it was impossible for anyone to ignore his assured confidence and superb smart saves. With several clean sheets and a big smile, Gomes has been outstanding for us.

His spirit should be commended.


Best Winter Signing

When Wilson Palacios was signed, various sound bites did the rounds.

"£14M? It's madness!"
"He looked great at Wigan because he's a good player in an average team"

The usual 'OMG what have we gone and done?' reactions followed thanks to the countless inflated transfer fees spent on players not worth even a quarter of the price.

Yet it wasn't long before Wilson marshalled the midfield like a general. He displayed qualities that we had only ever seen in those rare blink and you'll miss 'em moments. But now we were being spoilt by the bite and tenacity on show. With all the money that has been at our disposal over the years and the incriminating evidence in the way of weak performances proving our backbone was softer than a teddy bear sleeping on a sea of feathers, why had it taken so long to sign a player of his ilk? Palacios has brought composure and discipline allowing others to blossom offensively while he bosses the park, crunching tackle here and block there and clever professional foul over there. Staggering that we have failed to fill this gap time and time again. It was a risk to spend the money that we did on The Panther, but then having spent an abundance on players in the past the risk was only ever going to be more egg on an already egg covered face.

Palacios has been undoubtedly one of the signings of the season. You wonder how the likes of Arsenal, desperate for a defensive/holding midfielder, didn't smart their way to his signature. Spurs finally have a tough hard working warrior who constantly puts himself about for the team. Selfless and proud. A proper player that has given us an air of authenticity in the way of fight and that we can now handle ourselves against teams that would usually brush us aside. Bring in another player with this type of winning mentality and slot him by the side of Wilson and our midfield might just explode with challenging class.

Next up - Player of the Year, Goal of the Season and more.

Spurs 'nearly signing' someone can be music to my ears

I was otherwise engaged yesterday (hence the lack of a morning/afternoon blog article) having spent the best part of four and a half hours as a guest of the Central Line thanks to a track problem, two defected trains and a signal failure.The London Underground is a bit like re-signing Pascal Chimbonda. Shambolic.

This morning’s journey was far more pleasant and was spent a little more productively putting together this light breakfast blog (something to read with your corn flakes). We’ll have to wait and see how the day progresses in the way of more meaty subject matter for me to write-up about. I'll leave the 'Beckham to Spurs' rumours alone for the minute.

So, first up, Daws. The lad might have ligament damage or it might just be a plain old fracture. Either way, not great. We have enough cover to muddle through, I’m sure. Summer isn’t too far off, so plenty of recovery time to be fit and ready for next season – as long as it’s not too serious an injury. I like Dawson. He recovered from his clumsy blip and has performed admirably for us since. Decent squad player who has a part to play at Spurs. I'm sure most of you are now scoffing at the suggestions he was Championship quality at best. Patience, not a virtue some of our fans are blessed with.

Elsewhere, I’ve basking in the glory that is the greatness of Spurs 'nearly' signing players. One player in particular. The two words that make me all giddy?

Craig. Bellamy.

It's scary that Harry wanted this player to spearhead our attack. Mr Angry was never the answer but Redknapp fancied him and made no qualms about it. So much so that our esteemed chairman made a bid or two, thankfully rejected by West Ham's new-founded 'we won't sell to Spurs' transfer policy. It finally ended with the backhanded suggestion that Man City's alleged interest in Palacios - which died the moment we gave up on Bellamy - was a form of blackmail to allow Hughes to complete the signing of the Welsh striker without any trouble. Which indicates that Bellamy was more interested in Spurs than he was City. Who said politics was dirty hasn’t spent enough time in the murky world of football.

As for the day Bellamy was officially unveiled as a City player, what a joyful day that was. It was one of those ‘where were you?’ moments akin to people who recall what they were doing on that fateful day in Dallas when JFK was blown away. I remember dancing with joy and skipping and singing to the birds when I read the SSN ticker. A transfer story is nothing until its trickling across your screen.

He’s gone on to score five goals in eleven appearances and has spent the rest of his time as a City player injured. It’s a concern that Harry actually thought he’d get some kind of positive impact from making him a Lilywhite and his comments post-near miss transfer about how he was surprised about the Spurs fans negativity towards the clubs interest in the player is naivety on the part of Redknapp. Fully fit all of the time, he might have an argument with spending £6M or £7M on him. We – as fans – might have to bite the bullet if a player has undoubted abilities even if he has characteristic impediments relating to personality. But he’s never fit. And he’s not very likable. The fact Levy sanctioned it is even more worrying.

Bringing Bellamy to White Hart Lane would be like a Romulan turning up to a birthday party in Klingon fancy dress. It’s just not fucking funny. Robbie Keane, a less angry Irish version of Craig Bellamy, was the better choice.

Elsewhere, I was not at all shocked or surprised when it was confirmed to me that Noel Gallagher (on the TalkSport show over the weekend with Russell Brand) churned out his ‘I’d rather smother my kid than let him support Spurs©’ line. You’ve heard this one before, right? Although last time he was quoted as saying “I've told him (his son) he can support his local team down here if that's what he wants - but he can't support Man Utd or Tottenham. I have an irrational loathing of Spurs, their fans and everything about that club”.

See what he’s done there? He’s taken something that he’s said before and he’s said it again, expecting everyone to be equally impressed with the same thing, said a little differently. I’m not sure. Can’t quite put my finger on it. But this reminds me of something. It’s familiar to me. The same thing, repeated. Same words but delivered a little differently. Not quite the same..but sounds the same...

Nope, can’t think. Not to worry.

Anyways, for all we know, Noel might have already done the deed. Seriously, has anyone ever seen this alleged son of Noel? Liam hasn’t. He’s only seen pictures. Anything can be done with photo-shop these days.

Noel's local team by the way is Arsenal. He’s got a season ticket there. I saw him standing alone.

And moving swiftly along, I’ll end this article with some wise words from Andy Gray who stated the following at the start of the season:

'I know Spurs have been linked with Arshavin but I think he has been over-hyped. I'm not a big fan of Modric either. He looks ordinary to me but I can only assume Juande Ramos knows what he is doing.'

This is the same Modric who is showing mad skillz all over the shop and the idle yet clinical lad Arshavin (too expensive for Levy at £20M because money was better spent on £16M Bentley and only cost Arsenal around £12M in the end) who yesterday evening scored four goals at Anfield, be it four very well taken gift wrapped goals that a player of his undoubted ability could not have possibly missed. Where does Arsene find these kids from? Apparently it was the most brilliant display from a forward he's ever seen. Yeeeeees. Of course it was Arsene. You don't miss a thing with those big round eyes of yours.

As for Andy, take a bow son. You know your football. You know it so very very well, with your graphics and last word antics and you're insightful insightfulness.

In fact you know it just as well as your colleague Martin ‘Nowhere in the world would you get a game like this. And that's why the world's broadcasters come to us’ Tyler.

Time to bring out that yellow ticker. Spread the word.

The Magnificent Moddle: The little man on the left

Deconstructing the Tottenham midfield conundrum - Part VI

Magic Mullet

So here we are, at journeys end. Although it's more of a beginning than a conclusion as the Spurs midfield is bound to go through another change or two cometh the summer months and the usual giddy transfer shenanigans that we never seem to go without. No knee-jerking please Mr Levy.

From Part 1 through to Part V - I looked at the current set of central midfielders at the club and attempted to dissect the conundrum: Who should sit in the middle?

Palacios is the only 100% certainty. Jenas the current preferred choice alongside him. Which leaves Zokora, Huddlestone and O'Hara on the bench. Taarabt, on loan at Q.P.R., is a player who I would like to see ahead of all the three just mentioned in a creative capacity from next season.

So Palacios remains the anchor in midfield. The player tasked to do the dirty work, get the tackles in, protect the back four and allow other players the freedom of expression. He gives us some much needed breathing space and confidence in that other players don't have to worry too much if they happen to lose the ball in an offensive position as Wilson will be there to fix it. A defensive/holding midfielder is one that's been lacking for a while. Zokora simply doesn't excel in the acquired abilities needed to boss the midfield. Great athlete, limp footballing brain. Wilson does not have the passing range of a Carrick, but although both have similar responsibilities - both go about their business with completely different methods. In fact, they are nothing alike. But either system works. I will try to avoid going over old ground, so feel free to read up on the previous parts for a more detailed analysis on specific players and their attributes.

What has to be asked is who gets paired up with Wilson in central midfield? It's a simple answer to the final question of this series, but one with some minor complications. Here's why the conundrum isn't quite solved just yet:

We do not have an out-and-out left-winger.

We haven't had one for an age. Ironic that we've struggled to sign players for these two key positions (DM being the other) or simply got it wrong with the players we did sign. We've failed to find the right player for the left. And then we go out and buy a right player (David Bentley for £15M ) when we've already got Aaron Lennon - plain ridiculous - more so when Aaron retained his right-wing place and Bentley was slotted out on the left - which didn't help his already fragile confidence. Only Spurs, eh?

So with Wilson in the middle, with the players available, the best option (which Harry finds agreeable) is to have Jermaine Jenas partner him and play Luka Modric on the left.

I've not discussed Modric in detail yet during the course of this series. Best to leave the jewel of the crown till the end, and as we're at the end, here goes...

Modric, ideally, would prefer to play in the middle of the park with Palacios. It's a more natural position for him to be central. Add to the mix a defensive/offensive combination with Lennon out on the right and XXXXX (please God, not Downing) on the left and the balance would be unquestionable in comparison to some of the sides we've put out over the past couple of seasons. But as we do not have a left-winger, and we can't say for sure if we will be purchasing one (although if Boro go down, expect IT to happen) the logical option would be to have Modric out on the left-hand side. He is more than capable there.

What this does is change is the dynamic of the midfield in comparison to how it would work if Modric was in the middle of the park with Wilson - which is what most want to see. Having Jenas out on the left as an alternative? Hush. So the dynamics? Let me explain...

Palacios remains the anchor, but having Jenas in the middle gives us a player with an abundance of energy who can run box to box and defend and attack. It's almost a ying to a yang. One player inhales (Wilson) the other exhales (JJ). The role of Jenas is adaptable depending on the tempo of the game. In an ideal world its perfect, but we know that Jenas is erratic and lacks self-belief to turn potential to product. But for now - out of all the options we have for that position, its best to have JJ there.

The other options, you'd shrug at in a second.

Zokora in the middle with Palacios? That would be like having a litter-bug following a road-sweeper around.
Huddlestone? Wilson would need to clone himself to help compensate for Toms weaknesses.
O'Hara? Nope. Decent late sub for a couple of positions, but not an option alongside Wilson.

So, Jenas it is. Which means Modric - who isn't a natural left-winger - can (still) play on the left but with the twist of drifting in and dictating play. Jenas, adapting to the game at hand, will work with Palacios to make sure the midfield is protected and the opposition hassled while Modric drifts in and does what he does best. Play incisive balls, create and orchestrate. At times this requires JJ to be instinctive in his responsibility for the team. Allow me to place my fantasy-hat on my head. Now, take JJ out of the equation and imagine Essien alongside Palacios. Or Gerrard. Imagine the difference and impact this would have? Fantasy-hat off, the reality is somewhat rooted to the ground rather than floating up in the sky. JJ is neither one or the other but on form, he has enough about him to cover the ground and participate rather than be a passenger. He has a chance to really shine now, before the summer arrives and decisions are made. For now he is the best player we have who can support Wilson in the current midfield set-up.

What does this mean for the team, and in particular Luka? In essence, Palacios and Jenas are there to make sure Modric has the freedom to play football. It's a pretty simplistic viewpoint I know. A generalisation based on the fact that Luka is out on the left and has far too much talent to be stuck there - and the emphasis has to be to get the little Croatian involved as much as possible, on his terms. If the middle two do their job well, then it will snow rainbows. If it doesn't, expect a heavy downpour of misery. Which is why Jenas is perceived as the weak link. Stronger player, and we wouldn't worry so much,

If Jenas excels, maybe we won't look to change the system and purchase a left-winger. Maybe drifting in from the left will suit Luka in the long run. But its doubtful. The little man can handle himself just fine so sitting in the middle of the park and getting stuck in won't be too much of an issue for him. He took time to adjust to the English game, not helped by our woeful form and lack of structure. And he'll improve further in a consistent winning side (something Harry has began to flirt with in recent games). A base of operations is far more prominent from the centre than out on the wing. Although it's in no way a disadvantage. It's not quite a free-role in the purest sense of the term, but it's tricky for the opposition to mark a player who darts and dinks inwards.

Modric is showing glimpses of form that warms the cockles. A little bit of Ossie, a little bit of Hoddle. In truth its just a little bit of flair and creative output we love down at the Lane. It's an imperative ingredient for any team that displays comfort when unlocking the oppositions defence. Luka has a skeleton key.

Berbatov gave us that something special before he moved to pastures new to look after orphaned squirrels, and Keane can provide sparks - but we have needed a constant pipeline of passing for some time and in Luka we have that. Whether its down the middle or on the left-hand side - he can provide the magic.

Luka has vision, great touch, superb passing ability and can score the odd goal (not enough, but I expect him to hit the back of the net more often from next season). All the 'he's too weak for the Prem' nonsense was exactly that. He has fight in him. Might not look like he does, but he does.

Obviously the problem we might have is when Modric or Palacios or the both of them do not play. Which is why it's important that Adel Taarabt's development is made a priority. Harry called him a genius, and I'm holding out he was talking about football and not a reference to comedy. Zokora and O'Hara will have to do in any possible absence of Wilson from the starting line-up. Bostock is a couple of seasons away from the first team (at a guess).

So as things stand - Wilson and Luka are dead certs for the starting eleven. Jenas third in line. Three 'central' midfielders then. And Lennon guaranteed the freedom of the right-side of midfield (where this leaves Bentley, other than sitting on the bench, is up for debate).

The Fab Four. Modric Palacios Jenas Lennon.

Might seem unbalanced but its far from being so. It's not perfect, but it works. It works because the players play for each other. Everyone has a responsibility. It's a unit.

What happens next is dependent on who slaps in a transfer request in the summer and what we do to replace them? We have some useful kids in the academy and reserves. Do some of them get promoted early? Or do we look for more experienced players to come in to play back-up? We'd need to, if say Huddlestone and Zokora go. Jenas might walk if we draft in another central midfielder. And if that happens, then Luka and leftism will have to rule supreme.

Whatever Harry decides it has to be strategic, tactical. It has to either provide depth to the squad or improve the midfield. We have a tradition of just buying players without a thought-process behind what that player will do to the equilibrium of the side. Just to reiterate, the only two positions that should be considered for evaluation is where Modric and Jenas play.

Either both stay where they are and we sign squad players or we shift Modric into the middle and purchase ourselves a left-winger. Or we keep Luka on the left and buy us a more complete and established all-round central midfielder to partner Palacios.

So the conundrum has evolved a little, but remains with us. The question that now requires answering is simply.............Do we need a left-winger?

The Magnificent Seven - Part I

The Curious Case of Jermaine Jenas - Part II

The Incredible Huddlestone - Part III

Palacios answers the question: "Yes he can" - Part IV

The Lilywhites on the outside looking in - Part V

Things to get you through a weekend without Tottenham

Does the International break bore you?

England are playing this weekend. Am I the only person who finds it all a bit of a bore when there are no Tottenham games to go to or watch on TV? Don't get me wrong, I'm as patriotic as the next fan...but only for qualifying games and tournaments (when we actually manage to get there).

Friendlies never get my juices flowing. If I can't shout, scream and generally have my emotions soar, dip and ripped apart then it's not really football. Something needs to be at risk. And I don't find pride is when its just a warm-up match. Even if it's in preparation for an important game (next Wednesday) against the Ukraine. Saturday's (against Slovakia) still a friendly. A glorified training session.

Yes I know, Aaron Lennon might play, and if he does well he might (just might) make an appearance next week. Although if you take a quick look at the Beckham feature article on the BBC site you'll note that he has every chance (Becks that is) of playing as Walcott and SWP are not in the squad.

Cough? Forgotten someone perhaps?

And with the debate about whether King should have or should not have been called up by Fabio dragging on and on (you honestly think 'arry isn't going to talk about it some more?), I can't help but look ahead to our next Prem game against Blackburn. Proper bread and butter football.

I don't have Setanta at home and the local pub that shows live games is usually full of West Ham fans who will no doubt be out in numbers carrying around replicas of the Jules Rimet and banging on about '66 and celebrating in the streets that they invented modern day football.

I'd rather avoid it all tbh. But will definitely make the effort for the Ukraine game. For sure.

So to get me through Saturday, I've devised a list of potential activities to help me avoid the overwhelming boredom that would otherwise consume me. Feel free to suggest your own.

1) Work out the points accumulated in the opening eight games under Ramos and then calculate the points accumulated by Harry Redknapp from the time of his appointment till the present day and based on Harry's points to games ratio, work out where we would be had he been manager at the start of the season. Then device a What If Premier League table that will have us within touching distance of a Champions League place and then work out whether we can claim 4th spot based on our remaining fixtures and who we would need to buy in the summer to help consolidate the challenge domestically and in Europe. Then post all my findings and analysis on a Tottenham message board and watch it grow to 100 pages in a day with around 3000 replies. Just for kicks.

2) Throw eggs at the home of the person who wears the current Chirpy mascot outfit at home games. WE DON'T LIKE YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I want the original Chirpy back. The one that doesn't look he's possessed by a demon with a smug Adam Sandler complex.

3) Watch my Sky+ recording of the Arsenal v Spurs 4-4, replaying the final 10 minutes several times to catch the various reactions of the Spurs players and the fans - specifically at the point before and after Lennon equalizes. Then using my TV capture card, create a montage video of the glorious evening with Tina Turners 'Simply the Best' as the soundtrack. Then upload to Facebook and Youtube and then update Twitter every 5 minutes, linking to the video, and posting inane hilarity about how busy the London Underground was this morning and what I had for lunch.

4) Begin legal proceedings to sue West Ham United. The other day I had what I can only assume was a very dodgy lasagna which blatantly gave me the runs and a chronic gut. This resulted in a Vietnamesque flashback in a packed shopping centre - ala Sgt. Elias - falling to my knees, hands aloft, screaming in agony at the returning realisation of how close we came to a dream qualification into the elite of European football. A dream destroyed by a Benayoun top corner finish.

As nobody was ever charged or held accountable for poisoning the Spurs team, and as West Ham were the opposition that day and inflicted the defeat on a side ravaged by ill health, they remain the only ones responsible for my emotional upheaval that resurfaced in such an undignified and public way.

I'm after a reasonable pay-out. Equivalent to what Spurs lost in Champions League revenue. That should cover the trauma and rehabilitation.

5) Walk up to random strangers and state '2 points, 8 games'. The message must be spread to the non-believers.

6) Go round my parents for lunch and refuse to sit down on the sofa. If my dad manages to talk me into sitting down because I'm making everyone feel uncomfortable, I will do so. Then wait until he walks away, then stand up and burst into song: 'Stand up if you love mums cooking, stand up......'.

7) Travel up to Manchester, sneak into Dimitar Berbatov's back garden and then use my state-of-the-art tranquilizer gun to shoot all the squirrels in the vicinity. Who you gonna feed now, Berba? Hey? Who you gonna feed now?

8) Watch my Sky+ recording of the Spurs v Chelsea 1-0. Then using my TV capture card, create a montage video of Modric and his performance, to the music of 'Diamond Lights'. In addition, morph highlights of Moddle into highlights of Hoddle, subtly suggesting that Modric is the new King of the Lane. Then upload to Facebook and Youtube and then update Twitter every 5 minutes to make sure people are fully aware that I'm 'online', either sat in front of a pc or texting updates via my mobile phone.

9) Search through all Bit Torrent sites and Newsgroups for a soft copy version of the Tottenham Hotspur Opus. Come on! Surely someone must have scanned this and uploaded it to the internet? You can find practically anything on-line. Whether it's DC or Marvel comics, books, novels, screenplays, about a million PDF's and random user-guides, every piece of software, music, pornography and movie you can possibly imagine......but no bleeding Opus? Further proof that nobody has actually bought a copy, because if let's say 10 people purchased one, at least one of them would have shared this with the www. It's 2009 ffs. People don't even bother buying Playboy anymore, they just wait for some else to scan and upload it. So I'm told.

10) Stand near the living room window, and pretend I've got Setanta by booing every few minutes. People walking past will assume Ashley Cole is playing shit. And this will bring much joy to the world.

Spurs 1 Chelsea 0 - It’s so quiet, it’s so quiet, it’s so quiet....over there

When I heard the game was delayed because of a suspect vehicle in the Park Lane, I thought maybe Harry had parked a bus. Typical that our first 3pm Saturday kick-off since forever didn’t take place till 3:30pm. But who cares anyway? Sun was shining. And the delay allowed me to tuck into a cheeky burger pre-match.

Excellent performance. I don’t care that Chelsea were sloppy at times. We competed and created and deserved the points. What we have at Spurs is a team. One that works hard and one that has players in the right positions with a complete understanding of what their responsibilities are, individually and as part of a unit. It’s taken some time to get here, and there is no doubt it can improve further. Just makes a mockery of some of the concerns we had in recent months. Confidence breeds more confidence which leads to self-belief and good form. Form that reflects the quality we do possess rather than a shadow of it which saw as falter so pathetically early in the season.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a team of square pegs slotted into square holes. Rejoice at the simplicity.

And it’s no surprise that it's coincided with the arrival of Wilson Palacios. Lost to Bolton on his debut, but since then we’ve remained unbeaten. Sure, his distribution wasn’t great today and it’s definitely an area that requires improvement, but Wilson’s work ethic is quite simply outstanding. His positional sense and strength in shielding the ball allows other players to go about their business knowing that the Panther is primed for attack if any of our forward play breaks down. Modric is the obvious benefactor of our new midfield enforcer.

And as for Luka, yet again we find ourselves with a brilliant player, one that’s imperative to any sustained progress we plan to make from now into the start of next season. Juventus and his agent can go take a running jump.

First half saw us have a couple of chances, both from Robbie Keane, both efforts well saved by Cech. Chelsea’s efforts equally dealt with at the other end. It's plain to see this is not the unstoppable, unbeatable Chelsea crafted by Jose. It’s a great feeling to know at half-time that there’s every chance we can beat them. One league win in thirty-eight games (that’s nineteen miserable years) and it’s Chelsea who don't quite look to have the better of Tottenham.

Second half, with Chelsea knowing about Utd’s loss away to Fulham, most would have expected a storming start from them. One with intent and purpose.

Instead, Bosingwa decides to play his way out of the penalty area rather than allow the ball to go out for a goal-kick. Messy passage of play sees it cleared, but only as far as Woodgate's head. Seems Football First and MotD both over-looked the (under-stated) header to Lennon, who dinked and crossed superbly for Modric to strike a cracking ball beyond the reach of Cech into the corner. Great play from Woody. Great play from Aaron. Great play from Luka.

His performance deserved that moment. Could have added a second when Lennon again crossed for again for him, this time Luka hitting the shot into the ground allowing Cech to collect with ease.

As expected, Chelsea far more forceful in possession after going 1-0 down and there was a moment when I almost conceded that we would need a second goal to win this because surely Chelsea would equalize. Almost did too. Staggering Gomes saved from John Terry. Match-winning stuff from the Brazilian. Then we countered, breaking with Lennon released out on the wing, only to then see him balloon the ball into the crowd. Had he zipped in a composed cross Bent or Jenas would have it 2-0. Heart still in mouth.

Chelsea continued their pressure in the 4 minutes of injury time. Plenty of nervous incident.

Anelka effort saved Lampard corner, Alex heads it into the ground, oh no no no, off the bar, phew, Gomes flicks it away Ball out of play,
Keane tells the fans to hold onto the ball Malouda effort,
another corner, Ballack turns and shoots, blocked off the line

Final whistle.

Still unbeaten against the ‘Top 4’. Our defensive record this season remains impressive (compared to last season’s antics). Unbeaten in six games. Three points from a European place. Nine points from the bottom three. Highest league position since August 2007, which is actually depressing coming off two successive 5th spot places, but it wouldn’t be Tottenham if there wasn’t a transitional period slotted in every couple of years. And just in case you’ve forgotten, we only had two points from eight games when Harry took over.

Surely this warrants a DVD release-party on an open-bus, paraded on Tottenham High Road?

Match Ratings:

Gomes – 8.8 – Has come back to reclaim the number one jersey, and has done so with some solid performances. Yeah, we know what he is prone to doing (spilling the ball, missing punches) but he’s cleaned up the calamity and is pretty solid between the sticks. His save from Terry was fantastical. He blocked almost everything else, apart from the Alex header, but even lady luck flirted with the Brazilian today. Lovely.

BAE – 8.6 - The perfect illustration of a player coming back from injury, playing through the hard times and continued to be selected allowing him to find consistently good form. Not the greatest defender or attacking fullback, but bloody reliable and dare I say.....good. He's come along way from the liability tag most bestowed on him.

Corluka – 8.6 – Man City sold this player...why? Looks half-asleep, but plays like a lucid dream: Always in control. Defended well, attacked even better when supporting Lennon. Anyway back for Hutton?

King – 9 – Can only play one game per week. Anyone who has any doubts about him should be declared clinically insane. A colossus at the back for us. Quite content with his one game every seven days if Dawson can cover with the type of form he has shown recently.

Woodgate – 8.8 – When you have a rock playing alongside a colossus, its happy days. King and Woody are an exceptional pairing at the back. Reads the game superbly. Touch wood (oh the pun, the pun) he has escaped major injury concerns and has also been a model professional for us. Something that some people said he'd fail to do when he made his move from Boro to London.

Jenas – 8 – Frustrating at times. Makes you wonder why the generosity with the 8/10. Misplaced passing aside, he worked his socks off. Looks to play the forward ball and was mentally on the level required, rather than sitting by a corner pin rocking backwards and forwards very slowly. He can thank Wilson for the new founded spirit. When JJ puts in this type of shift, it's easy to see why some might under-rate his effort but if you watch the game, he doesn't stop running. And in games like this, anything less is unacceptable.

Palacios – 8 – Distribution nowhere near perfect, but the man has adamantium in his bones. Completely unbreakable. And this is Wilson on about 75% of what he can do. Against top tier opposition you need someone who not only has grit but excels physically. He didn’t look out of place up against Essien (a far more complete midfielder), Ballack and Lampard. Fantastic buy, and I no longer shrug with disapproval at the hefty price tag.

Lennon – 7.9 – Quiet(er) performance today, but you can’t help but believe something good is going to happen when he runs with the ball. As seen with his assist to Luka for the goal. Having signed a two-year extension that will keep him in Lilywhite till 2014, I’m hoping Levy understands the importance of a ‘just say no’ policy to the likely bid(s) from Liverpool or whoever else in the summer. He's agreed to an extension. He has publicly stated he is happy at Spurs. It’s impossible for him to leave the club. I just feel the need to state this out loud via words in a blog article. He can not leave the club.

Modric – 9.2 – Playmaker, creative midfielder, magician. Cracking goal, cracking performance. We have ourselves a brilliant midfielder who will get better as the team continues to improve. Dictates the tempo for us. It’s ridiculous that some believed he was too lightweight for the Premiership. Hoping to see a lot more goals from the little man next season.

Keane – 7.9 – Worked hard and as Harry pointed out, came deep (we all know how good he is at that) to support the midfield and link up play. Not his day in front of goal, but did exactly what was required, just without the polished touch.

Bent – 7.9 – Played very well. Effort was stupendous. Might have lacked a touch here and there and sometimes displayed weak decision making, but hassled the Chelsea defence relentlessly. When he plays like this, you can’t fault him too much. And I’m not going to be critical just because I don’t see him at the club next season. He is not right, from game to game, as a first choice forward, IMO. But he can do a job. It's just that for the fee we signed him for, he should be first choice. Which is why I expect us to cash in on him cometh the summertime.

Redknapp – 9.5 – Balanced side, no unnecessary tinkering going into the game. Got the players up for this and tactically was spot on.

If we continue to improve, then I hope to see us boss the minutes after we go up a goal - against any opposition. When we're under pressure, we sometimes don't make it easier on ourselves by putting our foot on the ball and slowing the pace down to suit us. But this is a general observation. Chelsea are not exactly going to make any game comfortable for the opposing team.

It's just gone 2am, and it's pitch dark outside. Sun is still shining though. COYS.

The Magnificent Seven - Deconstructing the Tottenham midfield conundrum - Part I

Palacios. Modric. Jenas. Zokora. Huddlestone. Taarabt. O'Hara. Seven players. One massive conundrum, as puzzling to us in the same way a Rubik's Cube would be for a blind monkey. Why do we persistently struggle with the central midfield pairing and how do we go about resolving it? Signing Wilson Palacios might allow for some sustained consistency but who is best paired up with him? Where should Modric play - central or left-wing? Can Jenas ever offer us whatever it is he's meant to offer? Is Huddlestone too slow to command first team selection and have a team built (orbit) around him? Has Zokora found his true calling elsewhere in the starting line-up? And what of Jamie O'Hara and his big Lilywhite heart but limited abilities?

Where do we even begin to unearth the answers? Most of the questions might be redundant come the summer anyway as Harry chops and changes the team to his liking. But the fact remains we find ourselves in this current predicament and a working partnership still needs to be formulated in the centre of the park.

So let's go back in time a little bit to where it all began (to go wrong).

Part I - How do you solve a problem like Carrick ?

Ever since Michael Carrick moved onto pastures new and claimed a new founded personal annoyance of having to polish loads of silver around the house, we've gone back to the drawing board more times than Rolf Harris. And all we ever manage is a badly illustrated scribble of Mickey Mouse which looks more like a duck. Slightly roasted.

Why is it such a monumental task of impossibility for our little club in N17 to plug the gaping holes? There's no doubting our efforts to plug said holes. We throw money into them. In all the years we've been crying out for a true left-winger, we've done the same with our fabled dreams of a defensive midfielder. A 'most wanted' player to marshal the centre-park with authority and menace. We've never really managed to pick up either. Capable players have worn the Lilywhite shirt (Mendes) and others have struggled with injuries (Sean Davis). Whereas some have been below average (KPB) or far too erratic (Ghaly).

Carrick of course was never an out-and-out 'DM' himself when at the Lane. He does have some wonderful defensive capabilities. His knack of nicking the ball away before the need to tackle is something many of the overly passionate missed in his early Spurs days when it was simply easier (and incorrect) to bemoan his apparent lack of getting stuck in. Carrick would sweep up and orchestrate proceedings as he assisted the team to push forward with intent. His passing was (is) top drawer. He positively glowed with quality. Hence his departure to Manchester United and guaranteed winners medals.

Our sun had gone supernova and replaced by a black hole.

So who did we turn too in our hour of need? Carrick was spellbinding for us in his final season, which saw us famously lose 4th spot at the death. We got around £18M - £20M for him. He wanted to leave, he made no secret of the fact, and never lied about it or his ambitions. With Davids having added bite and experience to our midfield that season, we had what you might consider to be a backbone. A pretty decent one. It was no surprise to see us perform so well.

Throughout my life as a Spurs fan, the club (on the pitch) has been defined simply by the following:

- Flair players, with shirts tucked out
- Free flowing, beautiful football
- Loads of Cup silverware
- Bit of a soft touch (i.e. no backbone)

The spirit of a David Mackay or Graham Roberts has been missing from our starting line-ups far too many times over the past decade and a bit. We've much preferred to splash money out on what people (fans and the media) expect from us. Luxury players, who are only luxury because the rest of the team structure lacks the right amount of balance to accommodate them. Superfluous signings are quintessentially Tottenham when something far more basic and unsexy is the sometimes the answer.

Obviously, I'm exaggerating a little with that assessment. The likes of Ginola and Gascoigne are definitive Spurs players and I'm glad we saw them in a Spurs shirt. But there has been times when we've had players worthy of winning silverware but no backbone to support them. Which is why as a soft touch we never appear to do much in the sustained challenge that league football offers.

Considering we have an outstanding tradition in playing football (in the purest sense of how football should be played) and a ridiculous list of uber-talented players dating all the way back to the 1950's - you can probably ask yourself what if someone had built a Spurs side that combined the best of both worlds rather than always siding with the romantic notion of beautiful football?

It's easy for anyone to say 'what if' and then lay claim for the missing pieces of the jigsaw. We got away with the gaping holes until mediocrity reigned supreme and injections of a Ginola or Gazza were not enough to see us progress (other than Cup Final wins) so we stuttered through the mid-90's and into the new century badly lagging behind the Top 4.

The renaissance under Martin Jol was an indication that plugging in the right players means things can tick along splendidly. One player out of synch could result with the whole team being lopsided. And once that happens, it can so easily come apart.

So with Carrick gone, the replacement had to be one of two things. And this is just an opinion, as I'm sure some of you will have your own:

1) A direct replacement

Obviously, finding a Carrick clone was never going to happen. But drafting in a similar style of footballer (a good passer of the ball, good vision, good defensive qualities, steady, reliable and consistent) was an option. If one could be found. There wasn't it seems any available in the UK that fitted the bill, but that's going on the assumption that Comolli and Jol were looking for a player of the exact same ilk.

2) An out-and-out defensive midfielder

DM is arguably interpreted in many ways depending on personal opinion. Is a DM the same thing as a holding midfielder? Well yes, except you'll still hear people say that Carrick is a combination of both or more so the latter with one or two offensive weapons in his locker (ooh) too. Even though, fundamentally both have a duty to protect the defence and to help out the midfield and forwards. So a DM is the same as a holding midfielder. Right? It's just a different descriptive label for the same thing. Right? The reason I'm banging on about this is because of the amount of discussions/arguments I've heard debating the differences between certain players who play in the central midfield position that is not the attacking position (catchy). If you get a player who does more in said position than the next bloke, it's probably because he is simply a better footballer.

Much like House music is broken down into countless genres and sub-genres, the same could be applied for this much maligned midfield role. Carrick would fall into the Progressive House category. Plenty of peaks and layers, bringing them together to drive forward some good solid movement.

For the sake of this discussion and article, by out-and-out I'm simply referring to the Roy Keane stable of midfielders. Loads of bite, someone you can count on in a battle and (to retain an element of the Tottenham way without going off in the complete opposite direction - i.e. Robbie Savage) a player who can pass the ball. Offence is the best form of defence, right?

Zokora's movement is unsurpassed

Now this basis of the exact type of player required to fill the void will be the responsibility of manager and director of football. How do Spurs push on from here with minimum impact to the teams performance? Carrick is gone so do we want to continue playing the same type of system or do we have to adapt accordingly? It's the latter. Simply because every player is unique. Not trying to teach you to suck eggs with that particular understatement. No matter who or what you bring in as a replacement, the team balance will alter from 'ever so slightly' all the way down to 'Oh my God the humanity!' depending on the choice.

We don't have the obvious quality that Utd and Liverpool and Chelsea have in this 'DM' position. So when we lose a player like Carrick, its a serious issue. Arsenal have struggled this season with their obvious lack of depth in centre midfield. And going back to when Carrick departed, we had to make sure it was not detrimental to the teams progress.

Hmm. Yeah. I know.

So basically - the replacement would either be a 'conductor' who could still get forward and create something either with a pass or a dinking run as well as completing his holding role or a more traditional DM who would get stuck in, bite the ankles of opposing players and generally do all the dirty work and graft allowing the more skilful creative players the time, freedom and space to do their thing.

What Jol and Comolli did was sign Didier Zokora.

Zoko had performed with much acclaim during the African Nations cup. He looked good and at £8M, a steal. Here's someone who appeared to have an abundance of energy and authority. Could tackle and thus although not as subtle and clever as Carrick - still a player with some midfield clout. The one evident (and worrying aspect) was his passing. Or lack of. Add to it his lack of goals also. But many still saw this as a major coup.

So there was no direct replacement for Carrick in the strictest sense of the word. Didier and Michael might be grouped under the DM stable, but both are very different which meant the team would need to adapt and evolve into something a little bit different. But such was the importance and productivity of Carrick, Zokora was always doomed to fail.

If Didier Zokora was House music he'd be Minimal. Repetitive glitches and bleeps and some sporadic melodic moments now and again.

What we have at the present moment in time is a nifty little dancer who is infinitely better at right-back than in central midfield. I'm not blaming Zokora for the teams frailties. He was apparently (if you believe the press) courted by several 'big clubs' before accepting our offer. I spent the first season making excuses claiming 'he needs time to bed in'. He was no Carrick (who also took a little time to settle the nerves of the Spurs boo-boys) but he was also not the player many had watched and admired at international level. He was at times clumsy in his manner.

Zokora doesn't appear to excel at anything in particular when tasked with bossing the midfield area. Yes - he has put in some outstanding shifts in his time at WHL including a purple patch or two. And even recently he appeared to improve (possibly the arrival of Wilson played a part in that). But he can't pass the ball to save his life and his positional sense is poor and, well, he isn't the best tackler of the ball either. He simply doesn't dominate the midfield in any way that would help support the players around him. Now that might have a lot to do with the fact that Spurs always have a mish-mash of players that don't quite compliment each other. Bit like building something you see on Blue Peter with random items you'd usually just bin. Ends up looking snazzy, but at the end of the day it's just made up of rubbish.

And as Carrick famously stated, players at Spurs (during his time) didn't do their utmost to improve themselves by competing with team mates. So Zokora has never actually improved in any way since signing. Whether that's because he can't or because the Tottenham Disease is still evident, I don't know.

As mentioned earlier, it's not the fault of Zokora. And his effort can't be faulted when he is on the pitch. Great athlete. In a more disciplined position like right-back where his responsibilities are more defined, he has been a revelation. He can defend, work well with his team mates, and push forward with intent.

So why can't he do the same in midfield? Simply put? Didier has no footballing brain. The engine room of the team doesn't just need a grafter, it needs someone who can finely tune the nuts and bolts and unclog any parts that stop working. Zokora spends far too much time on a tea break. Sure, we love it when he just runs forward like an unstoppable locomotive. There are aspects of his play you almost admire and smile at. But its endearing and not exactly the foundation to build your midfield on.

Making things doubly difficult during this period of change was that as lauded as Carrick was for his holding play, he was far more than a guardian of our defence holding back the freedom for opposing players to run amok. He was also a deep-laying playmaker. By virtue of defending, he'd set our players off in the opposite direction. His Hoddlesque passing and quick thinking made us tick. When he left for Utd, we didn't just lose one player. We lost the man with two brains and gained a man with half of one.

What happened next? Not a lot.

Part II will follow in the next couple of days with a look at JJ's role in the Spurs midfield.

Don't fret....there's always next year

Carling Cup? Never rated it anyway. Mickey Mouse competition.

Sigh.

So here we are, the day after a cup final defeat. Feels a little bit shitty, doesn't it? I despise penalty shoot-outs. Damn you Champions League and the death of cup replays. I guess technically speaking we didn't actually lose (DVD release imminent?). The 'reserve' edition of the best club in the world couldn't beat us in open play. Rejoice!

As for those pesky pens. Not sure why O'Hara took the first one. He got it on target at least. Foster and his ipod will haunt him for a while yet I'm sure. He wears his heart on his sleeve does Jamie, so no doubting the reception he'll get on Wednesday will lift him. As for David Bentley, his scoffed shot sums up his season perfectly. An embarrassment of a mis-hit. But top drawer players as well as the ones lacking form are equally likely to miss or score on such an occasion. Well, discounting the ones in red. It's just so bloody typical a player with a decent shot on him completely mis-kicks the ball in the manner he did. And doubly typical that given a chance for a little redemption he cocks it up. I blame those star jumps. Penalty aside, he made little impact on the pitch when he did come on.

Harry looking good in the suit Ramos left behind

Think it was pretty obvious we'd lose this after extra-time ended. Pessimism gave me a tap on the shoulder and wink of despair. Shame though, because on the day neither side deserved to go home empty handed based on effort and opportunities. Someone obviously does. Obviously. And alas it was us.

Never thought the game would go the full distance based on the opening 15 minutes. United took us apart, but we got into the game and after that possession was shared fairly equally with both sides creating chances. Not the best Cup final, but it gave us plenty of gasps.

United might have launched one or two screamers towards goal, but we had our moments too. Mostly from the lickle boy Lennon who had an outstanding day out. Yes, the end product isn't perfect, but the mazzy runs are. Modric also superb - and both players could have had a Wembley moment to saviour. Shame we had to sub Aaron. Adel would have had a lot of fun out there with his tricks and clever feet and it's a shame he didn't get a cameo.

View from my seat

The much maligned Bent had an effort on goal. Run around a lot, usually in the wrong direction. Spiffing stuff. Pav ballsed up a couple of chances including one that come from a sweet pass from a locomotive Zokora bursting down the middle of the pitch. Zoko was mightily impressive. Where is this version of the player 95% of the time when required in the bread and butter games? As for Pav - he should not have been subbed. 4-5-1 grates me. And although he spooned a couple of efforts, we looked more structured with two up front. Harry might have got this wrong.

Ronaldo entertained with his usual dramatics, falling over whenever he was 'touched' by a Lilywhite. Chris Foy, our esteemed referee, made up for various inconsistencies by yellow-carding the winker. Penalty? Nope. Was already heading for the ground when King clipped him. Talking of cards, O'Shea should have walked but Mr Foy decided otherwise. Seems certain fouls at certain points in the game are worthy of a yellow but punishment for a similar foul to a player already on a yellow - wearing red - is not. Bah, who cares. Happens all the time. Fergie was obviously worried thus replacing him for Vidic. Who was superb. Talking of defenders, so was King and Ferdinand. And Dawson who has made a miraculous return to consistent form (his distribution is crap but I still love him).

Neither side had that cutting edge or bit of luck to claim glory inside 120 minutes. Anyone surprised that Utd won the toss to have the pens in front of their own fans? And the toss to select who takes the first pen? Footballing Gods, damn you.

Get the pen on target and you can't really complain that much if it fails to go in. If the keeper guesses right, he has a chance of saving it. If the pen taker strikes it with power or places it, then the keeper has no chance. I guess, if you practise them and have the confidence (and don't lose your bottle) you have a chance. More than a chance. At the purest simplistic level, penalty taking should be easy. Aim for the part of the goal that the keeper has no chance of getting to. If only it was that simple. It's 99% about mentality. That's where it's won.

Don't think we stood a chance to be perfectly honest. Don't quite grasp why Bent wasn't taking the first kick. I guess it's fairly evident we don't have many penalty takers in the side. Bentley continues to scapegoat himself towards public enemy number one. Take a bow son. Jenas must be smiling. Although no frowning for JJ yesterday. He too impressed making it a WTF double with him and Didier doing the biz. Although one or two fans in the stands seemed to nitpick a little too much on Jenas. I thought he showed spirit, if lacking in box-2-box creative enterprise.

Wembley mocks me with its sad smile

Oh well, there is always next season. We gave it some. Played like a team, some decent approach play and some almost moments that had my heart sat firmly in my mouth.

Other random highlights:

• Man Utd fans leaving after the winning penalty. I find that quite hilarious. Witnessing the lifting of a two-bob cup not as vital as that train back to Surrey, hey?
  
• Had a conversation with a police officer inside the stadium prior to the game. Pleasant chap, not into football. He usually has to settle for Millwall home games every other week the poor sod. "Nice to see some proper fans" he said to me. I told him that's not usually what others would call us, but I accepted the compliment.
• The Fanometer. Football dies a little more.
  

Onwards we go to our third successive Cup final, following on from yesterday and the Hull win the week before.

Boro at home. My knees and Harry's face still trembling.

Spurs 3 Stoke 1: Just like watching Barcelona

I had to rub my eyes a couple of times yesterday evening to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. There’s been nothing sexy about our football for a while now and although yesterday wasn’t quite Agent Provocateur the performance had plenty of rampant rabbits making plenty of noise in forward positions. There was titillating balls and penetration, as White Hart Lane vibrated. I’m so glad I come. Came. Went. I’m so glad I went to the game. Went.

One cold shower later..........Yes it was only Stoke City. But let’s place things into perspective. We haven’t been playing well all season. We hardly score any goals at White Hart Lane. We’ve lacked any kind of confidence and swagger for a fair while. It was important we won, more than anything, but winning with a little bit of style and slickness means we can finally have something to smile about. Simply put, Spurs showed their Premiership pedigree against a newly promoted side. Something we have failed to do against most of the opposition we have faced.

Modric was sublime in midfield, orchestrating the tempo and playing clever balls. Showed an abundance of skill on the ball, and once Palacios slots in alongside him you get the feeling he will continue to improve to life in the Prem. Zokora was busy, getting stuck in, and was lucky to escape without a yellow card. Still lacks that footballing brain to make him a quality defensive midfielder. You can never fault his effort or athleticism, but that’s not enough to claim a place in the starting line-up. Lack of competition, so looking forward to Wilson’s debut and hopefully Zokora raising his game to fight for his place. Hopefully Palacios won’t give too many free-kicks away in dangerous positions. Something of a triat for our Didier.

Lennon started the first half mini-goal spree with a great dinking run and shot. Defoe showing vision to play in Lennon who darted towards goal and scored with his left-foot. Kodjak moment. Lennon continues to impress this season, rediscovering form I thought had been lost. If he can get more power behind his shots, then he’ll score plenty more. But I won’t lose sleep if he continues to place them the way he did yesterday.

Back on track. Six more points please.

Pavlyuchenko and Defoe then showed us a glimpse of what we hope is the start of a very beautiful relationship. We got to see Pav’s all-round game in technocolor, including a wonderful highlight for goal number two. Without looking, he sent a ball into the path of Defoe. Great vision from the Russian. It's the simple things in life, no? Who cares if he can’t speak English as long as he can speak the language of football?

Cough.

Defoe hammered the ball into the back of the net rather than attempting to score across the keeper (which is what I would have tried had I found myself in a similar position on the Hackney Marshes, before looking up at the sky and cursing the Gods for the divot). That’s confidence. JD has an aura of maturity about him nowadays, with his game improving in abundance (he was only away for a year – maybe we can loan out players more often). He doesn’t get caught offside that often nowadays, which is worth a few pints in celebration alone. Pav, who usually plays ok and still scores - played very well, but didn’t score. Not that I care too much. He was a livewire.

Modric crossed with his left peg for Dawson to nod it in (great header) to make it 3-0. Party time. I laughed out loud when Dawson followed up his goal celebration with yet another one, running towards the Park Lane with what looked like a disorganised guard of honour when his team mates huddled around him. I love the big lump. The unbridled joy displayed was felt all around the stadium, apart from that bit in the corner.

Spurs? 3-0 up at the Lane? Are you mad?

Quite.

All four players buzzed around with the type of swagger we haven’t seen all season. Swagger with end-product, which is the only type of swagger that matters. Tottenham clicked. Could have had a few more in the first 45 minutes. It was Charlie and the Chocolate factory stuff.

And relax. Feet firmly back on the ground.

Second half didn’t go according to plan. It probably would have been more of the same, but a mistake from Dawson allowed Stoke to break and score, with James Beattie (does he ever NOT score against us?) getting one back. That gave Stoke a bit more belief but it was never enough to trouble us. Yes, as a Spurs fan, even 3-1 up at home is enough to make the experience uncomfortable. I joked we should bring on Bale to end his hoodoo, but only if we go 6-1 up and only in the 91st minute.

Stoke, in the first half, had three good opportunities. Did we ride our luck? Yes. But don’t all teams? They missed another very decent chance in the second half too. In the end, we got the points we deserved and players can take the confidence up to Bolton where we could do with ending that particular hoodoo.

So, in conclusion. We kept the ball very well, played it around the park with a little bit of a spark, passed it across the middle with urgency and precision and even got the fullbacks involved. There was hunger, pace. Bit of spirit and passion. And most importantly belief. Wasn't perfect by a long-shot. Would have been nice to take control of the ball (win it back) and dictate more when the impetus was momentarily lost with the Stoke goal. We need to boss it for two halves, not just one. One step at a time I guess.

Barcelona? More like Brazil, innit?

Random footie thoughts on a Monday evening

Bellamy. Phew. The last thing we wanted was a 29 year old injury prone player who is basically a Cardiff born version of Robbie Keane. Just a bit more angry and with more tattoos. Add to it, not prolific, not reliable and has discipline issues. Handy with golf club, mind. At least Robbie does cartwheels. Or did once upon a time. Kaka, Robinho......Bellamy. School boys own stuff. It's like a dream team from SI's Football Manager 2009.

Modric doesn't spend enough time in forward positions. I'm stating the obvious, aren't I? When he does, he's sublime. We saw it on Sunday when he played Defoe in with a decisive little bullet pass which led to the equaliser. So can we have more of the Modric of the final 30 or so minutes from now on, rather than the deep in midfield, fighting for every ball and attempting to gain possession version? Not that seeing him get stuck in is a bad thing (we need a bit of that), but a player of his quality should be maximised as much as possible for his strengths. Stay forward and create and conduct play and let Zokora do the donkey work and play the holding role. Oh. Right. Yes of course. Zokora. Our £8M gem of a DM. Who cares if he has a woeful first touch and can't pass. The dance! That dance! The one he does after the game if we win. HAHAHAHA, that Zokora, he so craaaaaaaazy.

Palacios doesn't want to leave Wigan apparently, as he's settled and probably fancies a bigger move in the summer. No disputing his form, but maybe this is fates way of telling Spurs they don't have to always splash out almost £15M on the player of the moment. Palacios has come out of nowhere (Birmingham reserves), and as we've seen in the past - not every flavour of the month lasts the distance.

As for Robbie Keane. What a waste up there. He should have known his limits and stayed with the little club in Lilywhite.

Cheeky bid?

Challenge Spurs™ - Long live the King

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 08 v (A) West Ham United
2-0 win, 3 points
Total points: 18
Position: 15th

Julian Dicks, Tony Cottee, Billy Bonds, Frank Lampard Senior, Danny Dyer, Russell Brand, Ray Winstone, The Krays, Phil and Grant, Jellied Eels, Burberry, Lego castles, Knees up mother brown, Dick van Dyke, Nigel Winterburn, Scott Parker, Green Street, lasagne, Carlito Tevez, The Academy of Football, Frodo Baggins....can you hear me Frodo Baggins? Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took one hell of a beating!

*Cough*

Not the greatest London Derby ever. Ranks somewhere between average and ordinary. But a win is a win is a win, right? New improved Spurs can lose a game, and then follow it up with an away win. Something all too difficult for so many transitional Lilywhite sides in the past 10 years. Not that this is the dawn of a new age or anything spectacular. Living simply in the present, survival (dramatic word right there) is still paramount. We know, and so does everyone else, that we will not get relegated because there are other teams with next to little hope of getting out of their current predicaments. Harry Redknapp is no longer available. But glad to see the likes of Woodgate still refer to a 'relegation battle'.

That type of self-awareness and respect for our current situation helps satisfy any questions about the mentality of the squad. They know its far from done and dusted and that type of attitude will see us fine. Christ knows what the attitude was when Ramos was in charge, although the blame could be split 50/50 with the players. Juande was today appointed the new Madrid boss (for anyone who has not been paying attention). Sideways step there for the Special Juan.

Nothing sideways about Spurs at Upton Park. At least by the end of the game there wasn't. Pretty non-descript first half. West Ham pretty in possession but fuck all else. Zola attempting to get his players to play Italian style. Someone needs a word in his ear that you need quality players to get away with that type of football.

Spurs with the better chances (Pav hitting the post being the closest we got). Second half, we were resolute and determined. And simply better in every way in comparison to the little team from Green Street. Aaron 'I really do have some end product' Lennon crossing for Ledley 'my knee is knackered but I'm still better than most' King who duly headed the ball downwards into the ground and over the despairing reach of Rob Green. The second goal came from a counter after Gomes brilliantly saved twice (first save was good, second was actually down to the ball being struck straight at him by DiMichele, but let's just reveal in the moment) and off down the other end of the pitch we went where O'Hara hit a sweet shot giving Green no chance for the second time in the game.

Average, ordinary game? Yes. Only one team ever likely to win it? Yes. Harry keeps up his 100% winning record when returning to West Ham. And we move up to 15th, above West Ham, who have spent the best part of this season laughing at our plight. That irony is a right bastard. Proper in-your-face c*nt.

Why so serious?

General observations from the game:

Pav. Played upfront on his own, didn't hold up the ball that well but you could argue that hoofing the ball to him isn't the cleverest of things tactically. He's a bit slow which became more than apparent when the pacey Bent came on. Much better suited in a 4-4-2 where he is more likely to cause a bit of havoc 'running around' alongside Darren.

Lennon and Corluka owning their side of the pitch. Some decent flank play from the pair of them. Lennon beginning to prove he ain't no one trick bling pony. And Corluka proving he was a very astute buy. Who bought him again? *blush*. Defence played very well and dealt with everything that Cole and Bellamy throw at them. Although I could deal with those two myself. Bellamy looks shot to pieces. Cole is all heart no skill.

When West Ham did manage to get a shot on target, reborn of confidence, Gomes, smiled and collected the ball. Comfortable. Talking of 'shot to pieces', Bentley is...shot to pieces. Here is a player who fancies himself a bit. There's nothing wrong in that. Beckham, in a very understated way, fancied himself. Ronaldo, in the most obvious way, fancies the fuck out of himself. But both have a right to because they are great players. Bentley is at best a very good player, but not the most consistent and definitely nowhere near being great. So what we have is a £16M player who is trying to play from memory of how a great player should be playing. Harry needs a blatant word in his ear. I'd personally slap him across the face and shave his head. He needs to start bringing it and starting with the basics (simple passing, set pieces that deliver) will do just fine for us.

West Ham's new academy players did little to impress

As for Jenas. The enigma is just that. Did he play well? Did he play ok? Did he play poorly? What does he do? What does he bring to the team? I don't know anymore. No matter what, if fit, he seems to play. Do we miss something the manager(s) sees? Much like Carrick, Jenas has qualities that some of us fail to appreciate from the stands. The donkey work and unsexy running around. And the qualities he does have (bursting from midfield, box-to-box energy) is not always on show. He goes missing. Sometimes he shows up. Sometimes he tackles. Sometimes he's invisible. Nobody has come close to taking this young man and instilling arrogant confidence and awareness in his abilities.

Redknapp has a lot of work to sort out both Jermaine and David. The luxury of another £16M Comolli signing to dull over the pain will not be forthcoming.Talking of Comolli signings...Zokora. Shocking, utterly shocking. He played reasonably well. Even gave us one of his trademark runs and shots, this time hitting the shot on target.Yeah, I know, it happened because I saw it and there were cameras there and it was on tv, so screw you if you think I'm making this up. I'll keep you posted on any random drug tests that may have been conducted after the game. Because seriously, bizarro world or what? His pace is staggering at times and if its somehow possible to improve his decisio making a little, his performances may even continue to improve. Smile on his face, heart on sleeve, Didier is enjoying his football and has a willingness that others have (and some still) lack. But before you get a tattoo of his face on your back, let's remember that his passing ability is poor and is one-footed.

Carlton...Cole....I can't look away.....help me...

And then we have Modric. I predicted we would win if he played. Minute or so in, and he should have scored. Bit rusty, didn't strike his shot with any venom or placement. Tame effort at the keeper. But no problem. He was different class to anyone out on the pitch (yes, we know that's probably not saying much). Luka is a quality player who has taken a while to adjust to life in the Prem, which was always going to be the case. He's poor form in the early part of the season was mainly due to the disaster of a start we had. Now the team is winning games (9 out of 12) and he has some protection and team-mates who work as a cohesive unit, he is free to roam and playmake. He has yet to score for us, but his vision, touch and movement is just as important. Without him, we can't keep hold of the ball. With him? Possessions nine tenths of the law. He is our new Berbatov. Smaller, no floppy hair and moody face. No goals, but enough creative spark to see us have a possible 'world class' player to fill the void left by the Bulgarian. Give him another 3-4 months and with Pav hopefully settled to London life - we'll have more than enough to smile about.

King was his majestic self. Cameo performances seem to be what we are limited to nowadays. Harry after the game spoke about how Ledders is a great lad and its shame about his knee. It was a little bit of a downer. Almost felt like Harry was telling us that Ledley will never recover from his knee problems so over time (another season or two?) he might play fewer and fewer games and retirement will be the only option. Where do you find another King from? Uncertain about his availability for Saturday. Fingers crossed.

As for our opponents. Toothless. Lacked any passion, much like the atmosphere in parts. For all their hype about how important this game is for their fans ("Everyone in the dressing room is now raring to go against Tottenham on Monday night. It is the biggest match of the season for our fans and we all know what it means for us to get a result over our London rivals. We will be going all out to try and achieve that" - Lucas Neill) they hardly showed any of that spirit in the 90 minutes that matter the most. Their midfield was poor. One win in ten? Oh well. Being below us is their rightful place, no? That way when they do go above us, they can pop the champers again and celebrate like its 1999.

West Ham's norty mob, in their manner

If any Spurs fan wants to mass-email the league table along with a quote or three from any number of messages received about 4 weeks back - including photos of road signs and jokes about triangles, please feel free to do so. It's a give and take world we live in. So make sure you fucking well give it.

Challenge Spurs™ - Stats Update

8 Played.
5 wins.
1 draw.
2 defeats.

16 points.

4 games left in the Challenge Spurs™ Dirty Dozen series. When I started this, the challenge was as follows:

• 30 points minimum by January 1st
• 12 games
• 6 at home
• 6 away
• 36 possible points

If we win the final four games, we'll have 28 points in total from these 12 games, plus the two points we started with, giving us 30 points. At the time, based on our position and what was happening around us, it was very much a do or die (where have I heard that before?) conundrum. 30 points from 36 is European-challenging form, so it was a huge ask. If we write off Saturdays game against Utd, and say we win the final 3 games, that will give us 25 points from the series, and a total of 27. And with the table the way it is, that should see us with plenty of breathing space (not mathematically impossible to get dragged back into it, but far more of a comfort zone for us).

For now, tilt the head ever so slight upwards to stop the nosebleed.

Modric's first match-day visit to the Lane

"See that way up there? That's the Champions League. You can get to it via Manchester. But don't worry yourself about that until the summer of 2010."