Bent is soz for his tweets

Everybody has covered the Darren Bent statement that’s been published on the official Spurs website confirming it was his account...and his mistake. Now if you’ve been following Darren’s Tweets, the first thing that will be obvious is that it’s highly unlikely he wrote the apology all by himself, if at all. We all know it’s always a representative of the club or the agent that does the written work. Obviously, because it’s all a PR exercise in making sure the club come out of it as the victim and the player the naive impatient fool. Which is exactly what’s happened. And it was always going to happen. You can’t slate the chairman in the papers, so slating him online via a social networking tool is equally a no-no. Still, I can’t help but smile at the apology.

This is it:

I appreciate that transfers are seldom straightforward and are often complex. However, after a long period of waiting following my withdrawal from the plane to China, I had become incredibly frustrated by the time these things take and I posted inappropriate comments on my Twitter site.

I allowed my emotions to get in the way of my better judgement. I regret my actions and did not intend to offend Daniel Levy or anyone with the nature or the content of my posting.

If Darren’s Twitter account was still active he could have micro-blogged his regret using a string of 140 maximum character sentences. But then if it was completely up to him he wouldn’t be issuing an apology full stop.

Let’s put it into perspective. He’s (for the sake of argument) on 50K per week. I wouldn’t mind the waiting around a little bit longer knowing that my employer over-spent to sign me and don’t want to (as best as possible) be short-changed when selling me inorder to make up for the mistake in the first place. Telling the world that you're upset by posting in the public domain that is the internet is a no-go. Unless you wanted people outside of your private Twitter account (which anyone could access because you accepted anyone who requested access). Or you simply didn't think. Which is a common trait, let's be honest, with most professional footballers.

Hang tough. You're leaving. It’s a given. It’s Spurs, you should know it’s never quick and easy.

It's a massive massive shame that Daniel Levy doesn’t have his own Twitter account, as I’m certain this would have been handled and sorted without all the unnecessary press coverage.

Rohan Ricketts is back

The Iniesta of the MLS returns home

If you read this blog regularly, you’ll know that I’ve been following the adventures of Rohan Ricketts over the pond. The lad has returned back to England having left Toronto FC (apparently because their head coach quit the club). Maybe I mis-understood but I was certain a month or so back he was released by the club. At least that’s the impression I got from one or two sources. Obviously mis-informed. I guess if he’s left the club on a free no contract was on offer anyhow, although from what he's saying, he wanted a change. But regardless of how or why, he’s back and he's looking for a brand new home and a new adventure.

Cheeky Spurs trial? Nah, just jesting.

Skysports have done him a favour with an interview and they’ve even written up a brief CV for any prospective club interested in the midfielder. Although how exactly a 26 year old has ‘plenty of potential’ is a mystery to me. But before the likes of Hull or Stoke take a look, be warned...he’d prefer a move to the continent instead.

Apparently touch players (that’s what he is) don’t go down too well in England unless they play for Arsenal. The fast paced kick and rush football of the Prem means Ricketts (according to Rohan) wouldn’t be able to play at his best. He needs a proper stage for his talents. Like Iniesta has in La Liga. Because Iniesta in the Prem just wouldn’t work. See players of this ilk get overlooked over here. According to Rohan.

He does talk the talk.

Right mindset.

Raw tools.

Hungry.

Wants to play football.

He's even got an active Twitter account.

I almost want him to return, not to us of course, but to the Prem. Thus far only League One teams have apparently shown an interest in the young lad. Come one people, wake up. He's a free agent and he needs his football.

We need to find him a team. Spread the word.

The Ricketts is back and he's ready to sparkle.

Glory in China

3-0 win in the Asia Trophy final. DVD release set for next week. Open bus parade set for this Sunday. So, what did we learn? Well, for starters, can someone have a word with the organisers of these pre-season competitions (ha!) that having a Cup presentation followed by a photo-opportunity celebration with champagne simply does nothing but embarrass the players, who cringed more times than I do when watching David Brent swan around the office.

Robbie Keane (scorer of a brace – Lennon notching the third late on) attempting to get rid of the Cup, shrugging, with a look of a man who was probably saying, “What exactly am I meant to do with this?” No Irish jig here. It’s not exactly the Carling Cup now, is it?

I laughed even harder as the champagne was apologetically fizzed around as the players dispersed backwards, all looking for any reminisce of a worm-hole to save them with Keano still trying to rid himself of the trophy while his team-mates smiled nervously and continued to ignore him.

As for the game. Easy peasy. Some lovely football, Modric pulling the strings and everyone continuing to look fitter and sharper. Off to Hong Kong next for the squad.

Last time we won one of these (remember the Peace Cup?) we had a decent season. That's all I'm going to take out of this.

Anyways, back to The Ashes I go...

Hands up if you’re ‘in the know’?

All this Klaas-Jan Huntelaar business...

Do you think that Harry is doing Madrid a favour by continually linking us with the player so that other business is drummed up in the way of interest for the Dutch striker? Yes, this is the latest piece of ITK jelly wobbling its way around the underbelly of the interweb. Question is, if we are doing Madrid a favour, what do we get for lending them a helping hand? Do they have any available centre-backs we can take off their hands?

And elsewhere Darren Bent’s Twitter account has been deleted which means we are all back to square one with knowing how his transfer away from the Lane is progressing. I’m looking forward to the official club statement confirming that the matter is being dealt with internally with a probable forced apology from the player while Levy does his utmost to sell him to Hull. Talking of which, to answer your question Darren (“Do I wanna go to Hull?”), I don’t think anyone chooses to go to Hull. Not if they can help it.

If you follow the ITK community and have been paying attention you’ll have noticed that it’s been rather special this summer. Special in the way of a Ghost Town. No one has been upfront with news other than something I read a day before Crouch signed, but otherwise, all we've been given in the way of inside information is cryptic nonsense and reactive commentary based on what the tabloids have already written about. It soon becomes apparent that nobody knows anything, churning out the same whispers time and time again.

We all know how it works, especially in the papers. Agents, clubs, journalists...they are all entwined together orchestrating with the aim (or at least attempting) to help aid their agenda(s). But with insider info, especially with the way it’s shared online, its altogether a completely different kind of beast. One that quietly whispers a secret and then disappears back into the shadows. Only to reappear at a later date and whisper something similar.

"The sun will rise in the morning"

We’ve been here before haven’t we? I do love talking about ITK’s as the whole culture of its obsession fascinates me. There’s no doubt that there are people who work for Tottenham or football agents who have friends who support the club. So it’s not unlikely they will share info with them and these people are the ones who post about them on message boards. But how many people genuinely know what the club is planning behind the scenes? Can’t be many, because if it was leaked, then the culprits will be known to the chairman. That’s why you find that usually, ITK info that hits the nail on the head comes about when the club have already agreed a deal with a player and far more people are likely to have clocked on by then (mainly because the player arrives for a medical).

What we’ve seen this summer more than anything is people claiming that a deal is in progress but won’t happen for a while. Which is a nice way of making sure your ITK info has a decent sell-by-date. I know we (as a club) take our bloody time, but reading about something that the tabloids are covering and Harry has commented about makes me and many other suspicious. It’s easy to ‘guess’ what might happen. Throw enough shit at the wall and some of it will stick. And if it does...you’ll be crowned a legend.

This is not to say there are not people out there who do know something. There are. It’s a minority though. 3% I’d say. And as much as love a bit of inside info (ooh, hypocrite) I think it should only ever be shared at the point of when the club has agreed the transfer – rather than any time before it, because as we’ve learnt time and time again – if something genuine gets leaked it could be detrimental to the club.

I’m still waiting for a truly definitive piece of ITK info. If you manage to find one, please feel free to share. The irony is never lost on me. I do get it. Why slate them? If they are so inconsequential, why even cite them in the first place? Well I guess it’s much like the tabloid papers. You can’t actually ignore it can you if everywhere you look, it’s staring right back at you. It's the necessity to know something before its made public. The anticipation requires a tease. And deep down you hope somewhere in the haystack is a needle.

For the current list (if you want to study the evidence), visit the GG.co.uk forum and this thread that covers off all ITK tittle-tattle for this sun-less summer.

Happy reading.

And for the record - the best ITK information is the type that gets uncovered AFTER an event. So for example, when Levy sacked Jol or when Kemsley and co went after Ramos or the issues with the DoF structure. That's far more relevant IMO.

UPDATE:

Read this piece of ITK for an example of what makes far better reading than the usual drivel. Even though it might still be drivel. It has a lot more substance than the norm.

Sir Bobby Robson, RIP

A true gentleman and a wonderful servant to the game. Put up a brave fight and fought it to the end. Exactly what you'd expect from the man. Thanks for the memories Bobby. You were a fantastic England manager.

Up with the Gods where you belong.

Darren Bent

If you become the first footballer to be fined over your tweets, you'll go up in my estimation big time.

Good luck at Sunderland lad. Sorry we couldn't accommodate you at the Lane. Never meant for each other. Never meant to be.

Who's gonna be our next signing?

So having signed Crouch, we are back again sitting in the cushioned seat of patience as we await the next decision from Levy and Redknapp in this rather understated transfer market, where everything moves around in slo-mo. But unlike The Matrix, it lacks any real explosive punch. At least at the minute it does.

Negredo (remember that one?) is now being linked with a move to Liverpool as part of the possible (probable) transfer of Alonso to the White Storm. But don’t fret, because Harry is spewing out his favourite sound-bite of the moment (if he’s available we’re interested) relating to one of our other perpetual summer transfer targets, the prolific Klaas-Jan Huntelaar.  He won’t be moving to Germany but considering how long we’ve allegedly spent flirting with this player via the tabloid pages, you sort of half expect Arsenal to glide in and stick if up our Arshavin, much like they did with Zenit’s gem last time out. Although we had washed our hands of that little annoyance long before the scum showed interest and up until this morning we thought the same about KJH – that his wage demands stopped any potential deal from happening.

Bent may as well have gone to China, because he is no nearer joining anyone at the moment. Brilliant strategy from Levy by the way. No, I’m not being sarcastic. He knows we spent £16M on the player and he knows there are several clubs that need a proven Prem scorer (something Bent is, if not something we need as accommodating his weaknesses is detrimental to the way we play). But other clubs will probably aim to play to his strengths, and he’ll score a bundle for them in doing so. Sunderland, Hull and I think even Stoke are sniffing around. Sunderland in particular have had their nose snorting all over Bent for the best part of the summer. And Levy simply won’t accept anything below what he wants, which is possibly around £15M. Which is why Sunderland are still snorting, inviting others to inquire. Brilliant. As long as we actually accept a bid at some point soon. Otherwise my sarcasm will drown the streets of N17, leaving Daniel with only the head of Chirpy to keep afloat above the turbulent sea of disgust.

Bent is off no matter what, but the fact we are looking at KJH suggests either Keane or Pav could be sold on if the right offer is made. Pav is once more linked to Roma. And Keane is being linked to nobody in particular. At a stretch, Aston Villa might look our way. You never know what might happen, even if Harry talks up the current ‘four’ (Defoe, Crouch, Pav, Keane) as being more than enough for him - he'll always look to mix things up. If it's right for the team.

As for Mr Vieira, make what you will of Henry shaking his head and saying no when cornered by Harry and Jamie the other day at Wembley. Apparently he has since come out to state he would never tell Vieira to sign for us. Sounds like he’s more pro-Spurs than he’d like to believe. Thanks for looking after us. In the past few days the stories in the press now suggest that it’s Arsenal who want him to return on a pay-as-you-play deal. Cue some Spurs fans, no doubt, suggesting ‘if he’s good enough to go there, then he’s good enough for us’.

Don't try to justify it.

It’s a desperate move for all involved. Let’s please look elsewhere.

And we can start by looking for cover for Woodgate/King/Dawson. Possibly a young player with potential (do they exist?) who can not only cover but one day replace the mighty King. I know, it’s unlikely we’ll sign someone anywhere near potentially as good as Ledley, but with him still only able to play a game per week and with Woody and Daws out injured – we can do with a CB. Turner at Hull wouldn’t be too bad a deal for us. Bassong is another target that returns into the transfer rota every month, and once more he’s been linked - thanks to our scout being spotted at the Newcastle v Leeds game last night. A game where a certain Leeds youngster (Delp) starred.

One area that has gone back into its state of hibernation is the left-wing conundrum. For now, it would appear that Modric will remain out on the left, drifting in. Thanks largely to the fact that Downing was the last available left-winger on the face of the planet.

I’m gonna stick £5 on Delp being the next Spurs signing. Beyond that, I haven’t a jiffy.

'1-0 in your Cup (semi) final'

I know I said we should not read too much into pre-season friendlies, and we should definitely not get too excited about reaching the final of the Asia Cup (cough) but there are still plenty of positives to be taken from the uber-comfortable 1-0 win against a very inept West Ham United. Compared to the way we played against Celtic, it was nice to see some sustained effort from all players present.

O'Hara was industrious. Palacios commanding, which is nothing less than expected from him. Jamie might just have a place in the squad as decent cover. The pair of them in central midfield actually allowed for more creative freedom from other areas of the side, although I'd much prefer a slightly more creative partner for Wilson in the middle. Jenas, absent due to injury. We'll have to wait a little longer to see the return of a Palacios-JJ combo.

Pav looked sharp, far better movement and touch than for long periods last season and should have scored if it wasn't for the pesky post getting in the way. And he worked well alongside Defoe, who should have scored a brace.

Having Keane on in the second half alongside JD sort of proved that the reason these two struggle to play well together is because they appear to bring out the greed in each other, shooting when passing is the better option.

Naughton continues to impress. Has some great qualities about him (calm and versatile and very quick).

Modric was Modric. The usual class act. He will be VITAL for us this season.

Huddlestone wasn't too shabby either, although he's no centre-back. Talking of which, we need to sign one between now and the start of the season as Dawson and Woodgate look set to miss the big kick-off and Ledley is, well, he's Ledley...so we can't assume he'll be 100% for the Liverpool game.

As for Livermore, I like the cut of his job. Very confident on the ball. We might see quite a bit of this lad this season. More so than Bostock and Rose. Finally might be able to celebrate a break-through player from the academy. Rejoice!

As for lickle West Ham, they looked a mess. Unfit and disorganised and lacking any bite up front. Flattered them the final score really. Still, 1-0 (a little credit shared by Rob Green) does once more suggest that we don't take our chances during periods of dominance. Bit more composure and luck in front of goal required.

Still, let's not read too much into it, right?

I blame Richard Keys

The Premiership Years on Sky Sports. Got this on at the moment, it's 1992, and its the year Sky started their coverage with cheerleaders, balloons, Richard Keys pre-shaved, Monday night football and five hour coverage. These were the days when £3M was considered a massive transfer fee, Clough, terraces, Norwich topping the table, Jimmy Tarbuck, hardly any foreign imports, Spurs constantly mediocre, QPR playing attractive football, ITK info only available via word-of-mouth, Leeds defending champions…you get the picture. Innocent days about to be mugged and left battered and bloody in a dark alley way.

We now live in a world of the Top 4 monopoly, over-inflated transfer fees, ridiculous wages, player-power, seating, family stands, microscopic coverage, the death of muddy pitches, overly expensive season tickets, corporate entertainment, fewer 3pm Saturday kick-offs, play-acting, lack of atmosphere at newly built stadiums, refs with massive egos, far too many average imports, club badges ruined by brand consultancy, empty seats, Vicks covered shirts, The FA Cup losing it's magic, yellow streaks on what should be an all-white shirt, celeb glory hunting fans, billionaire takeovers, Internet kneejerkers, money-spinning pre-season competitions…and Spurs are still mediocre. The irony that I have Sky is also not lost on me.

How I failed to see it all ending in tears, I'll never know.

5 Reasons why we should sign Patrick Vieira

1) He possesses a wealth of experience and has a winning mentality.

2) It will murk the Arsenal fans to see an ex-player wearing our Lilywhite.

3) He will have a Davids effect, which will aid the squad on and off the pitch.

4) Has great technique and leadership skills.

5) Bargain signing for free.

That didn't feel quite right. Need to clear my head. Stick my finger down my throat.

Ok. Let's try this again.

5 Reasons why we should never sign Patrick Vieira

1) He's old. 5 years past his prime and discarded by them lot over there years back because Wenger knew the player was in decline. Has shown little in recent seasons to suggest he can have any kind of impact back in England. The fact he has won silverware and has done it whilst festering in the swamps of Highbury only tells me that his personal ambitions can not exactly be sitting high up in his list of priorities, let alone the ones Spurs have as a club looking to step up. And forgive me for being a traditionalist, but I'd much prefer a squad without him than one with him in it with the winning (dirty, cheating) mentality of an ex-gooner who got mentally battered by Roy Keane.

2) Signing an ex-Arsenal player who has struggled with injuries in the slow-paced Italian league and hardly played a full season for years will not murk a single gooner off as far as the rivalry with us is concerned. Sure, they would be angry to see one of their own - unquestionably a legend for them and a player that epitomises everything about their club (cheat, scum, insufferable personality) - wear our colours, but it will simply incite laughter to see us turn to a has-been as some form of inspiration to help us move forward. This is not like bringing Bentley or O'Hara to the Lane. Vieira is an ex-Arsenal captain and it's not like he's fucking them over and joining us in his prime now, is he?

3) The Davids effect? What, you mean piss off team-mates and get into punch-ups with younger players? Davids did some good at the club, but it's a fallacy to believe he was solely responsible in the way of a major uplift of form for the side. Watching videos of Dave Mackay would be more uplifting than having a player that has not a single quark of Tottenham in him pretend he cares about the success of the teams progress. Want to aid the team off and on the pitch? Sign a CM who is 24-27 years of age and can play as back-up to Palacios who will no doubt serve a ban or two for yellow cards during the season, which will leave us with a massive hole in central midfield if we don't have a proper understudy on the bench.

4) Great technique is something he possessed 5-6 years ago when playing in the fast paced Premier League. And you can still have great technique half a decade on and it can even make make you look good when you're playing in Serie A where you have plenty of time to light up a cigar and Twitter about the step-over you're about to do. Bring it back to the 1000mph hellmouth that is the EPL and you'll find yourself in a little spot of bother. A bit like Mr Magoo walking down a street in Pamplona during the Running of the Bulls festival. As for leadership skills, sure, he can lead himself downwards to the ground allowing gravity to embrace his falling body and hug the grass as he claims for a foul when one was not committed. Although I expect his ancient legs will give way to injury and be the main catalyst for further adventures on the turfs of England. Great leadership skills there. It's the missing link in our quest for turning us into contenders.

5) If you want something for free, then wait for the start of the season when no doubt we'll be treated to more raffle prizes at half-time when the club give away yet another Opus. £5M - £10M will get us a younger, hungrier battling midfielder with his whole career in front of him rather than behind him. The transfer market might be an over-bloated joke at the moment with any target we'd love being snapped up by the likes of City, but please let's not pretend there are no options out there. Christ, I'm almost missing Comolli. There, I said it out loud. He might have ballsed it up around 90% of the time with some of his inflated over-rated signings but at least he…actually, who am I kidding? He was crap. And I don't miss him. Even though someone without sight could have scouted Wilson Palacios as a must-have for the Spurs midfield I'm sure there are other players - in England and abroad - we can take a gamble on. We have scouts, right? We have You Tube, right?

Levy, Harry…don't force me into burning bagels outside the ground again. The hypocrisy hurts.

Never red. COYS.

Harry's £9M gift for JD

No Income tax, no VAT

A lovely nine million pound transfer fee

Lilywhite, and never red

Peter Crouch has a funny head

We have ourselves a signing. He might not be a sexy one, but he’s accomplished in the Premiership and a team player. The type who can hold up the ball, ridiculous that such an ability is lacking from our current lot. Welcome to White Hart Lane, Mr Peter Crouch. Miss Clancy too. He aint a pretty picture (she is) but at least he has product and industry. This is not a Berbatovesque type of swaggering signing that we love down at the Lane. We are sacrificing quality of the ilk we usually expect (Modric anyone?) for someone with a very specialist purpose. The purpose to serve little Defoe who can now place aside his grievances with those pesky Essex Keystone cops and start salivating at the prospect of having the perfect foil standing tall alongside him once more.

£9M the fee. Which isn’t shabby at all. Well it is, I guess, considering we sold him for 60K many moons ago. No sell on value, how times have changed hey Daniel? Granted he won’t score as many as Bent (still Sunderland bound hopefully), but there is no irony to be lost as we all know he’ll create more and cause more havoc for opposing defenders than the apologetic Darren would ever dream of doing. A team who wishes to accommodate Bent will get the best out of him. And good luck to him wherever he ends up at. Crouch is far more of a fit for Spurs. That's compared to Bent. I guess the market is a little dry at the minute.

As for our spanking new forward, I’m making the assumption that ‘arry’s masterplan is to feed Defoe and have him as the main man (30 goals please) in front of goal. It has to be. Add 15+ from Crouch and we have plenty of goals – although it’s not quite the enterprising free-scoring flair play of the Berba/Keano partnership, is it? Bit more of that Lilywhite swagger that was.

Sigh.

Would I prefer a sexy younger player with the potential to have Man Utd looking down at us in a season or two ready for the plucking? Let’s face it, Crouchie joined us ahead of Sunderland and Fulham so it appears we are doing things a little bit differently this summer. Unlike, say, when we signed Darren Bent when he was completely unnecessary to the improvement of our squad, we’ve gone and signed a decent player (never to be world class) who will do a job for us – but nothing overly exceptional enough to take us to the next level. Arguably, signing a potentially world class player has never been a successful ploy to make it to that next level anyhow, so I guess it’s time to swallow a little pride and cross your fingers and hope Aaron doesn't ping too many balls to the head of Crouch.

I’d still have preferred us to bring sexy back. There must be someone out there, young and handsome with a little shirt-tucked-out-of-shorts flair that can hold the ball up and knock a few in? No? I guess I was right about it being a dry market.

Faith in the Redknapp masterplan I guess.

So, the brand new era currently stands as: Defoe, Crouch, Keane and Pav. The latter two are the ones that will have to prove themselves, as it’s blatantly obvious who Harry is going to opt for come the Liverpool game. Keane - as discussed - needs to wake up. Pav has to put an end to all the his tired/he's not 100%/he can't talk English excuses and start playing with intent and composure and confidence.

There is still time for more movers and shakers. I’m still hoping for Negredo personally. As for KJH - he's a little bit too Defoe-esque, is he not? Had we signed him, who would he have replaced? Keane? But anyway, enough with the speculation.

At least this weary transfer window has given us something to talk about.

Happy?

How do you solve a problem like Keano?

Why do people persist in reading so much into pre-season games? Ok, so we lost 2-0 to Celtic who fielded a team of reserves. We didn’t pass particularly well or finish chances with any ruthless killer instinct. We defended poorly and played with little confidence. We still spent most of the game with possession and had far more chances on goal than they did. So as disappointing as it might appear, it wasn’t as bad as it seems the morning after. For a start, the team that lined up isn’t exactly our first eleven is it? Especially the centre-back pairing. Dear God, that centre-back pairing...

Analysing individual performances in this type of game is also a redundant exercise. Much like salivating over the 5-0 thrashing of Roma this time last year. Remember the hype that followed? There were plenty of people leaving White Hart Lane that day believing the swashbuckling style of play was a preview of the season ahead. And what did we get instead? Two points from eight games. Could be worse I guess. We could be losing 6-1 to Orient with our strongest eleven.

The mentality of the players is vital and yes, it would be nice if they comfortably asserted themselves in these type of games to prove they are heading for the opening game with a bit of a swagger - but as long as they play well when it matters I couldn’t give a toss about a nothing game(s) at Wembley that cost around £70 to witness. Harsh on the wallet that.

I’m pretty sure this was our first pre-season defeat for a few years which proves how it counts for very little.  And as for individual performances (like I said, I’m not going to read too much into them) I’ve been impressed with Livermore, Naughton and Bostock. Not so much Dervite. Livermore could be involved for us this season. Bostock has a while to go, but roll him out for the Carling Cup. As for Naughton. Let's hope we take care of the lad and he doesn't end up doing a Gunter. And elsewhere (away from Wembley), should we even bother to lick our lips at the prospect of welcoming back wildcard Giovani dos Santos who picked up the ‘player of the tournament’ award for Mexico, brushing aside a USA b-team 5-0 in the CONCACAF Gold Cup final? Adel has gone out on loan. Something tells me Harry will do the same with Gio.

There is still no clear indication of anything yet. Hence the weary sluggish impatience.

But there is one player who has looked decisively average for a rather prolonged period of time, so long that you wonder if he can recover from his hibernation. This particular concern stretches back across the summer months and all the way to the last Jan window. So we can read far more into it than 90 minutes against Scotlands second best team.

I’m obviously talking about our Irish Windmill, Robbie Keane. He doesn’t even point and wag his finger with the same accomplished moan that endeared us for so very long. Liverpool, it would seem, destroyed his confidence. Can’t be easy knowing you are not good enough for a Top 4 side. Even worse when you find yourself wondering what if the gaffer had played me in position rather than out of it? We only signed him because Defoe got injured. It's all very apologetic.

No whispers of anyone wanting a punt on him and considering how difficult we are making it for anyone to sign Darren Bent, I doubt Keane will be sold off – at least not until January if he’s left warming the bench with Defoe banging them in alongside Crouch.

I guess this is where our frustrations sit at the minute. We can’t really take a guess on how we’ll start without knowing who exactly will line-up as Harry’s first-team eleven. And if Crouch does sign (looking likely) then Robbie’s depression might take him into a state of coma.

A major priority has to be to kick-start Robbie Keane back to his pre-Anfield form. We need all our players buzzing for the new season. How we manage to get Keano back to his best remains the biggest challenge for Harry. Unless there is no way back and the lad is in unrecoverable decline. His failings are far more evident since his return due to the decimation experienced under Rafa. The impatience of Spurs fans is a given thanks mainly to the fact that we turn on players pretty quickly (in this case, it’s more to do with the fact that Robbie left us in the first place and returned with his tail between his legs).

How do we rejuvenate him? Or is this tainted love?

All we can do is wait and hope. Personally, I don’t have a clue other than taking him aside and slapping him across the face, shaking him vigorously and telling him to get a grip and start believing again.

I’m available if Harry needs me to have a word. For a reasonable fee of course. Happy to slap Pascal around for free.