Spurs knocked out of Europe

No chance for the second leg. It's too much of an ask IMO. I knew Champions League was too good to be true.

HARRY OUT!

Europea League chumps. No wonder Cole chose Liverpool.

Back in the real world, I detached myself from pre-season friendlies after being psychologically shagged up by the thrashing we dished out to Roma, to be proceeded with two measly points from eight games when the proper games kicked-off. So rather than commit suicide after the dismantling of our beloved club this evening, read this quick-sharp review of the game, settle down, and forget about it.

Review by apotccc from GG.co.uk:

Just got back. 

First half was terrible. Boring. We were outclassed completely. But it was a complete mish-mash of a team. For someone that forged a reputation on keeping the game simple, we had a lot of players out of position from Harry in the first half. But it doesn't really matter. Hutton - crap. Just so, so bad. How was he ever seriously linked with Man United? Naughton's not yet good enough to be our 3rd choice right back so he was never going to do anything at left back. We just couldn't keep the ball.

Second half was a lot better. BAE was good I thought. Few times he tried to keep the ball in dangerous positions but it shows he's about retaining possession, hardly renders him shit. Bale a bit dangerous. Walker surprisingly for me good attacking although got beaten a few times at the back. Rose looked tidy in the middle although I doubt he'll ever be serious option, it was more surprising that he wasn't completely outclassed. Gio lively. Crouch confident. Liked the look of Parrett when he came on, and Adel didn't have much time to make an impact although one flick I thought was very clever. 

Pretty bad game but we had a fair few chances second half and so did they. Don't think any conclusions team-wise can be drawn from it. 

Feel free to share your despair here, if that's what takes your fancy. The rest of you, browse porn or summit. The night is still young.

Fantastic news everybody

West Ham are refusing to sell Scott Parker to Tottenham. Don't care much for Parker, sorry. Was a decent player but can't see how he fits into any possible Spurs line-up for the 2011 season. And I don't quite agree with the Upton Park faithful that there's a vendetta being played out by Harry against them (and you thought I was the paranoid delusional one?).

Know your history - Levy and Sullivan are not exactly best buddies. Not that it would stop us bidding for West Ham players, but it's tiresome because they have very little to offer us in the way of improving our current squad and we all know their club motto 'Thou shall not sell to that bigger club who are not really our rivals but we like to dream they are'.

JR Hartley in da house. Back in your box, I'm just teasing.

In all seriousness, if this isn't Levy trying to wind up his old enemy (oh look I'm now as delusional as the WH fans) then it all comes down to Harry actually rating and wanting Parker.

Which more or less sums up this transfer market and the lack of any genuine gobsmackingly good targets. Real targets, not media soundbites.

As for WH, it's all about decent propaganda for their fans, using the Spurs bid to drum home the fact that they are not a selling club.

I mean seriously, this is the news today. It's not slow, it's flipping backwards.

Ground redevelopment twist: The Calling of the Bluff

Just seen this on the BBC. Apparently Spurs are in informal talks about the possibility of making a bid for the 2012 Olympic Stadium.

Hmm.

Hands up if you think Levy is doing this to force the hand of Haringey, who continue to drag their feet with our ground redevelopment plans? Sure, there are financial positives (i.e. less money to spend) if we took the 2012 option. But considering the effort and design of our original proposal to remain where we are - it's time for the local authorities in swanky N17 to get their fingers our of their collective arses and stop with the hurdle placements (which we seem to be jumping over every time regardless).

The recent police and heritage issues reported in one paper appeared to be a little mis-informed (the suggestion was that the new ground would not pass safety regulations and gain it's security certificate). The reality is - everyone involved is hopeful. Every supposed issue can be worked around. And do Haringey really want the best thing about visiting Tottenham gone forever? They'll end up with that lush kebab house on the high street just past the Paxton on the opposite side of the road, where they wrap up the meat. Awesome. But not worth visiting if there's no football to watch straight after.

So I applaud Levy's game of silly buggers. Get stuck in guv.

The Robbie Keane debate continues...

Harry has re-visited prior sound-bites relating to Robert Keane and his future. It's just a repeat of what has been outlined before. Keane plays well, he'll have a job to do but if Keane is unhappy then perhaps a move away is for the best. Harry never says anything close to 'Keane is imperative to Spurs'.

Now I know it's been done to death and people have opinions based on what the player has achieved for us in the past. And that he could, if focused, repeat past glory. Whilst others are not so forgiving (i.e. his move to Anfield) and simply do not see the player as anything more than a spent force. Had his time, its now time to move on.

The crux is - if he stays, would you consider the following strike-force good enough to compete in the EPL and the CL (yes, yes, we still need to qualify):

Keane. Defoe. Crouch. Pav.

I'd say no. Too much of a risk IMO.

We finally make it into the top 4, we have to consolidate our position by strengthening the squad. Considering the riches spent (wasted) in the past on players pre-season, we can't not be looking to improve key positions - and the forward position is key.

Has he played well in our tour of the US? Well, sort of okay. Looked decent against Sporting, if you go on the fact he scored and assisted. But after the Ramos pre-season that resulted in 2 points 8 games, I've decided to completely discount form and results until the season starts. So I guess the answer is floating around in Harry's head. He must know for certain who or what he wants for us. And at the moment, it seems to me like he'd be happy to keep Robbie as a squad player - but if Robbie starts sulking - then it's goodbye.

It just doesn't sound like the player is being backed 100%, so anything less than that fuels reason to believe that Harry will have to be content if we somehow manage to fail in signing a top drawer striker. I don't even get the impression Keane believes in staying at the Lane.

We sent him out on loan last season. I can't quite figure out how perception has changed based on pretty much nothing.

The TottenHAM Hotspur

Cracking article from over the pond, covering the open practice session we had prior to the game against the Earthquakes which also included three of the 49ers turning up to join in with the fun.

This made me smile...

About half of Spurs’ starting eleven were not there as they were still on post-World Cup holiday. So sadly no Crouch (yes, I would have asked him to do the robot). Defoe, Gomes, King, Lennon, etc. were also absent. Still, Spurs are a talented team and many of their superstars were on show. Some bullet points:

- Luka Modrić is tiny and looks like a 10 year old schoolboy. He was also the best player on the pitch by far and his ball control is spectacular.

- Tom Huddlestone is a big boy. He also likes “hiking” his shorts up to uncomfortable levels.

- Younes Kaboul is bigger still, but he looks in shape.

- Robbie Keane really does bark and yap, and is still a very skillful player.

- Gareth Bale has simian-like features.

- Cudicini ALWAYS has a scowl on his face.

- Roman Pavlyuchenko is known as “Pav.”

- Hutton never shuts up and is really funny (if you can understand him).

- There was a definite distinction in skill between Modrić, Bale, Pav and a few others versus the rest of the squad.

Considering the yanks are getting some flack (tongue in cheek) over the ESPN commentary for our US tour, it's only fair this gets shared.

Click here to read the article. Check it out.

And re: the commentary. Thus far 'Bale is a stud of a player' has to be the best statement made in-game.

Forward thinking the only way

It's the calm before the storm, right? Reading the tabloids, watching Sky Sports News or trying to decipher the cryptic inside knowledge from the 'In the Know' community is proving to be as enjoyable as an England World Cup performance. That's not very enjoyable. Pockets of my brain are haemorrhaging from the boredom. It's not exactly exciting, but then arguably, there is no Klinsmann type of signing out there in these rather lacklustre modern days. And no yoof either, it would seem as the kids with potential prefer to completely bypass the stepping stone clubs* and move straight into the elite. Surely there's a younger version of Berbatov out there? Well, one that won't want to move on a season later. If that's okay. Not asking for much here, just some hunger and loyalty.

*What's that? We're not a stepping stone club anyone?

I'm half jesting. We signed Modric a couple of years back, so there is plenty of hope, no doubt festering in the shadows ready to jump out and scream in our face when the time is right. Marquee signings are over-rated anyways.

Obviously, we as football fans, are selfish creatures we simply want want want, all of the time. And we want NOW.

We shift around uncomfortably like Gollum, obsessed with every single comment or alleged movement or sound-bite made, moaning and sighing.  And then analysing and theorising how said player would fit into our first eleven if signed and whether they will aid our progression. All of this from a couple of newspaper articles, hearsay, guess work, agent talk. It's the scraps we feed on because, usually, one of the scraps out of the many turns out to be a genuine link.

Gollum to be signed by ITV soon.

We've had very little this summer that we could possibly tag in the 'Levy and Harry were seriously looking at spending cash there' bracket. Joe Cole being the obvious one thanks to Harry telling us that we had offered him a contract. No massive surprise there. We knew the moment he became available that HR would want one of his former 'sons' on board the THFC Express.

Cole rejected a continued stay in London and opted for a central midfield role up at Liverpool, something Harry did nod towards when he flirted with Cole via the media (saying Cole's best position is central). How that would have worked out for us - I don't know. And if 'football reasons' means guaranteed first team football, then so be it. I'm not crying my eyes out over here. And regardless of Liverpool's current plight (it's a mess at Anfield no matter how their fans wish to dress up the truth) there is opportunity for Cole to shine there.

Good player is Cole on his day, and would have been a diamond signing if he arrived and accepted a little squad rotation. Whether the Chelsea fans prove to be right (Joe Slow according to them), we'll have to tune into the Hodgson Show to find out. 90k a week is a lot of money for a player who has hardly played in recent seasons thanks to injuries. I'd have accepted the risk if he had agreed our alleged 65k. And marginalising the likes of Huddlestone would have been just plain silly just for the sake of beefing up a position we don't have too much trouble with.

(Although a free-scoring midfielder would be nice, but don't think it's essential - at least not to Harry).

Still, this area (central mid or even left mid) is not the area we should be concerned about. I doubt very much both our gaffer and our manager are ignoring say the following must-haves:

- Another CB (because King and Woody are bit-part players for us, the latter someone who might not even return) for cover (Bassong and Dawson are in for another big season)

- A Forward

We've got Sandro on the way. We've got players who can adapt and play two positions (Modric, Bale) and we've got one or two who perhaps might just get an opportunity (dos Santos and dare I say The Rat).

But some of this will depend on who we finally get rid of, because with the new season approaching, we've yet to see the back of the deadwood.

Deadwood, is defined I guess by last season and personal opinion along with once more reading between the line. Keane. Hutton - are two players probably on their way. Pav is always linked with a departure.

It all comes down to this: Who and when we sign a forward. We can dream about one of the new kids on the block as much as we like (Dzeko, Suarez) or others of the ilk of long-term proven players like Fabiano and Raul (LOL). But might well end up with seasoned English based terrier such as Bellamy. Who happens to be a **** of a player. If he wasn't so injury prone (if I'm wrong, show me the stats, ta) then perhaps I'd swallow my pride and sort of half-admit and say 'okay then, he might be able to do a job for us'. But he does pick up knocks and although his off-the-field charity work is very commendable, his general persona in the dressing room is subject to far too much debate. Harry and him on the golf course? Happy days. Bellamy would show some tenacious bite we sometimes, on occasions bite. But then who knows what type of focus he'll have if he moves to N17. It's a risk. Cheap one probably. But still.

It's fairly imperative we get the signing for the forward position spot on. Someone who can hit the ground running, score and create. What? Did you say Bellamy? Oh ffs. Anyways, whether a Suarez could do that is altogether another discussion. 49 goals in the Dutch League means very little to me. No offence to them over there, but Kuyt was knocking in goals for fun and over here he's a defensive forward.

We do need a striker right? Defoe, Crouch, Pav...that's not enough. Keane staying would surprise me about us much as walking into my bedroom to find Jessica Alba there with the words 'I'm all yours' written across her waist in lip stick. And the three we do have, to expect them to handle the League and the CL and the cups? Nah. We need depth. Need quality. Because if we make the CL group stages, we need someone who can unlock those hefty seasoned doors. Otherwise, it's Defoe getting flagged offside all night long on Sky Sports.

So, as far as being all quiet on the transfer front, I don't care too much as long as we get a couple of tasty press conferences in the next few weeks. The papers can continue to link us to everyone and anyone, as long as the end result is more pieces for our Lilywhite jigsaw puzzle. The right pieces.

But even with everyone being so cautious nowadays, you'd think it would be near suicidal NOT to spend well this transfer window. What with the potentially hectic calender year ahead of us. Key game being that qualifier.

How many times around Christmas time have we wanted to see us sign players to consolidate our position and push forward only to be left disappointed? Then again, perhaps more trust for the gaffer is required. Considering what he achieved last season without the need to go loopy with Levy's transfer fund at that critical mid-way point.

In Harry we trust then. Right?

Who the hell does Joe Cole think he is?

Who the hell does Joe Cole think he is? Not only has he rejected his father figure and original mentor (Harry) and a chance to remain within the pinnacle of civilisation (London, obviously) with a critical role in a side that has qualified for the Champions League qualifiers, he's chosen instead a mid-table club on the slide, living off the past, where he will earn untold thousands per week to prance about in front of held-up scarfs and humourous red banners. Gutless for him to select guaranteed first team football at a smaller club than fighting for his place and overcoming squad rotation at the superior one.

What a mercenary, selecting the option of more money and a far more comfortable ride. These modern day players with their agents and their long term contracts and lack of ambition. Obviously knows he has little self-confidence, hunger and focus for the Champions League and prefers the less pressurised arena of the Europa League.

Cole obviously harbours dreams of dicking us (and his family of Spurs supporting fanatics) in said competition when we crash out of the CL and face the might of Anfield. Marquee signing for Liverpool. Torres, Mascherano or Gerrard and Cole...fourmid(t)able.

But don't fret, we have goal-keeping cover with Pletikosa on its way.

Dark days for THFC. We are down to the bare bones now with only Modric, Bale and Kranjcar vying for the left hand midfield position. We might even have to experiment again with Lennon there.

RIP, The dream is over.

Let's all pray we succeed in signing Craig Bellamy. I can't be having two knock-backs in the space of a week.

All this is allegedly:

Arsenal offered 80k - 2 year deal.
Spurs offered 65k - 3 year deal.
West Ham offered 100k per week - 3 year deal.
Liverpool signed him on 90k - 4 year deal.

Although there is a whisper that the Liverpool deal Cole accepted was 110k per week and £8M signing on fee.

MONEY GRABBER !!!111

WHERE WAS THE GUARANTEED FIRST TEAM FOOTBALL AND WAGE-STRUCTURE-DESTROYING WEEKLY WAGE OFFER?

First Duff, then Petrov...heads will roll at Spurs HQ. Never rated Cole anyways. One trick pony.

Anyone know a decent tattoo laser removal service?

Alternative (make-believe) Spurs shirts...

Meanwhile, somewhere in an alternate universe...

With thanks to Billiospur for the re-imagined Puma shirts with the new sponsor. Cleaner, less clutter, just the colours that matter. Because glory comes in three colours, not three colours and an assortment of unnecessary bits and gloss.

Simplicity = smart = class.

What exactly does Jermaine Jenas do?

Its a question for the ages. Jermaine Jenas - what does he do exactly? It's one that splits a family in two, puts people on streets. For every person who defends him, there's one fifty who slate him. Yet everyone involved within football (managers) persist in his inclusion and selection. If England manages have seen something the fans have somehow missed, week in and week out.

Is JJ mis-understood? Jose rates him high enough to select him for his fantasy football team. He must be good then, innit? No? Hmm.

This impossible question has to be placed to bed once and for all*.

 *No frigging chance.

Brand spanking new Spurs kits...

Love the white. Not keen on the blue. The third isn't too shabby. I'd still prefer to spend my hard earned cash on the white training top (which resembles the white home shirt). Something about no sponsorship turns me on more.

Photo found via the SI Football Manager forum, via Spurs Community (edit: sponsor appears to be photo-shopped onto the images, but I guess you could call them 'official mock-ups').

Massive King photo for you to drool over, click here. And some kit discussion if you're interested in some banter.

Oh, and yeah, the red dot is with us, at least it's not of Mansion proportions.

Update on Friday, July 16, 2010 at 12:12AM by spooky

New kits on official site, click here to go to the OS article. Looks like the blue on the Autonomy is a different shade to the blue on the rest of the kit. So meh it still looks photo-shopped. Regardless, the home kit is far far better than the yellow-streaked one of last season. The shorts however are genuinely shocking. Training track suit top all the way for me.

It's happening again

Take Eminem's classic track Stan, add the vital ingredient of an obsessive fan but replace Eminem with the current chairman of THFC and you get this. That was back in 2009. So thanks to the slow news* days as we await for Joe Cole to make his mind up and lack of any other tangible 'in the know' activity, here's an updated remix for 2010.

*Congrats to Harry and his new contract 

Spooked - original song lyrics by Eminem, re-imagined for DML.com.

Chorus: (Harry Redknapp)

Hansen scoffs on Match of the Day
Spurs will always let you down
Champions League outside my window
And all I see is fourth place
And Crouchie nods home the winner
Ledleys only got one knee,
It reminds me, that Spurs are great,
I'm so great...


[Spooky]

Dear Mr Levy, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my mobile, my email, and my twitter at the bottom
I sent two letters back in May, along with an Enneagram you must not have got 'em
There probably was a problem with security or the postmen

Sometimes they just throw out my parcels when I drop them
But anyways; fuck it, what's happening dude? How's the naming rights going?
I can't wait for the new stadium and the new home shirt ain't blowing
So what you up to at the minute? Should we expect to re-sign Kevin Prince Boateng?

I'm not joking, if we re-sign him I think I might cry and consider drowning
Better yet I'll stick my head in the oven, has Bentley stopped his clowning?
Can we not try and sign someone decent instead?
Diego Forlan would be better than having myself ending up dead

I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I still hide out in your garden in the shrubbery and watch you tan
I got a room full of your photos and hate Matthew Norman the schnook
I like the old work you did with Comolli too, that shit was off the hook

Anyways, I hope you get this, and mail me back,
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, you on Facebook?
This is Spooky, let's talky


Chorus: (Harry Redknapp)


[Spooky]

Dear Mr Levy, you still ain't called or wrote, does your PA never take a fucking note?
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer your phone
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside the Lane,
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Theo
That's my little voodoo doll man

I'm always sticking needles in his vains,
We waited at the West Stand entrance for you in the pouring rain,
Four hours then you and Ekotto just ignored us leaving us in pain
That's pretty shitty man - just like The Opus
How can the average fan even afford one, I swear sometimes you're so pompus

I ain't 'In The Know' though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met at the AGM - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I would have sacked Juande Ramos too, he was like Bill Murray;
He hardly spoke a native word and best got rid of in a hurry

I can relate to what you're saying in your match-day notes
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and read them to myself
Cause I don't really have much else other than a blog and ketamine to help me when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of ENIC PLC across my chest
Sometimes I even shave my head to see how good it looks
It's like adrenaline, the bald shine is such a sudden rush for me

See everything you say is real in those official statements and I respect you cause you tell it
Other bloggers are just jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But they don't know you like I know you Dan, no one does
That Ben bloke who climbs the tree at the Lodge has lost his buzz

You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Spooky -- P.S.
We should share a bagel soon

Chorus: (Harry Redknapp)


[Spooky]

Dear Mister You're-Gonna-Get-My-Burning-Season-Ticket-Thrown-At-Your-Door
this'll be the last fucking effigy I ever send you, 1pm Cornerpin, will end you
It's been Christ knows how long and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect…

So this is my iphone 4 recording I'm sending you, I hope you see and hear it
I'd have rang you using voice-call but I lose reception when I use it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 61 on the High Street
Hey Daniel, I drank ten cans of Holsten, you dare me to do?

You know the song by Hoddle and Waddle, "Diamond Lights"?
About the guy standing alone in the rain regretful
And he declares his love for her even though she's as hard as stone

That's kinda how this is, you're as cold as ice to me, I'm struggling with my airflow
Why the fuck do you persist with ignoring me, do I not deserve a guitar solo
Now it's too late - you show love for Lennon and you make me feel like Yoko Ono

And all I wanted was a letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped ALL of your naked photo-shopped pictures off my bathroom wall
You're not keeping tabs on Harry either, he should be playing Taarabt, think about it,
the kid is the new Zidane, he's been destroying the Championship do you not dream about it?
And when you dream it I hope you can see his step-overs and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE about it. Please don't sell him to Real Madrid, I want us to build the team around him.

See Daniel; {*screaming*}
Shut up bitch! I'm trying to talk!
Hey Daniel, that's Jermaine Jenas screamin in the trunk
But he ain't too good, I dropped James Corden on his head
See I ain't like you
'Cause with JJ his skills make me frown
It's time to get rid of him knees up mother brown

Well, gotta go, I think I'm almost here now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?

{*car tires squeal*} {*CRASH*}
.. {*brief silence*} .. {*Police siren in the distance*}


Chorus: (Harry Redknapp)


[Daniel Levy]

Dear Mr Spooky, I meant to write you sooner but I've been quite busy
I'm glad you like the stadium plans, it will make the whole Prem dizzy
Look, I'm really flattered you spend so much time outside the ground
and here's an autograph from Gareth Bale, he's worth a few pound
He wrote it on a programme

I'm sorry I didn't see you at the Lane, I must have missed you
Don't think I did that intentionally just to disrespect you
But what's this stuff about a voodoo doll?
I say that's just slightly off-key
Come on now - you don't want yourself banned, in-front of a judge and have to plea

You got some issues Spooky, I think you need some counselling
To help I'll put your name down in the raffle for an Opus, you're bound to win
And don't worry we'll not be re-signing Boateng, would have preferred his brother
But sticking your head in the oven, that type of attitude makes me not want us to meet each other

I really think you need to stop getting so excited just relax it's no matter
We've got Modric on a long term contract it's left Fergie in tatters
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time before you hurt yourself,
I think that you'll be doing just fine, if you relax a little

I'm glad I inspire you but Spooky why are you so confused?
Try to understand, we've finished fourth you should be enthused
You should be so happy we've got into the Champions League, stop being so frantic
I watched this one bloke on the news a couple weeks ago that made me quite sick

He crashed his car into Matthew Norman's house, high and drunk on booze
Had some fat naked bloke gagged in the back and another weeping profuse
And they found his phone with a video message he made, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was...it was you... 

Damn.

Fantasy football time

Organised by Fox Mulder. Come one come all.

Code to join is 4859-2558

For those not in the know it's on this website: www.premierleague.com

Also - use the following code 68100-22332 to sign up for the Triffic v Dear Mr Levy head-to-head.

Tip. Don't pick Bentley in your starting line-up.