What does Scott Parker do exactly?

Spurs 3 QPR 1

There was talk pre-match that newly promoted QPR could be a potential headache what with past experience that has involved a no-show in such occasions and thus allowed frustration to plunge us into the abyss of disappointment.

I was hoping for something emphatic and convincing. In the first half that’s exactly what we got. Go on then, I’ll use my two favourite words in the English language; Swagger and swashbuckle. It was joyful to watch the passing and movement. Wide or narrow. Interchanging of wingers. A hard working forward that took up the right positions and held the ball up to allow others to attack the penalty area. A midfield that included an absolute peach of a box to box performance and another that illustrated the majesty of a winners mentality. The only downside at half time was that the game wasn’t being transferred to Blu-ray for the club shop to make available the next day. 2-0, should have been 4-0 or more.

This being Tottenham, the players failed to continue in the same vain (perhaps a little credit for QPR here) and the visitors had us under pressure resulting in a poorly defended goal. I say poorly because leading up to it we could have been far stronger as a defensive unit to clear it and push out. They hardly cut us open with slick football. It was untidy stuff.

But our reaction was not to capitulate. Why should we? We have the capacity these days to recover rather than switch off completely. We did react. Scored a third, could still have had more. Apart another moment of madness in injury time, overall, the performance was solid. Bread and butter games, the ones we lost/dropped points in last season are the very ones that cost us in the end.

So far so good this season. I know, I know...the smiling, the constant smiling...it can hurt a little. But it's acceptable pain.

What we got in this game that is worth highlighting are examples of the character traits this team has when it simmers along at boiling point. There is no doubt we could still look to retain ambition in the transfer market and sign competition for the flanks. Talk about a more long term replacement (for the irreplaceable) Ledley King another talking point. But in terms of our form since the two Manchester defeats and our Goslingesque penetration when attacking the opposition on Sunday, we in fact do possess that much maligned balance. Be it one that still requires a little fine tuning.

Having a forward like Adebayor equates to a work ethic that will compliment the attacking midfielder that roams a few steps behind him, and vice versa. Ade spears the attack, the team work the ball into the box be it via the flanks, cutting in or through the middle. Options are interchangeable. Ade might not quite have that final touch in front of goal at this moment in time but you can’t fault him for much else. It’s impossible to do so because the unit works as a unit (rather than being dependent on one player). If he doesn't score. Someone else will.

van der Vaart is irrepressible, celebrating any goal scored like it’s against Arsenal. A midfielder with the instincts of a striker. Positioning and finishing a cut above. On paper he might as well be noted as the ‘1’ behind the ‘1’ in a 4411 formation but he’s more than a number. He’s a free man! A deep lying forward, call him what you want but labels aside – it works. It just works. He loves playing, he loves scoring and he loves winning. Wasn’t that long ago that we had to rely on lesser footballers to heighten expectancy and make consistency a reality. Heart broken so many times. He's not just about the goals either. Applause for his passing and intent.

Lennon is still searching for consistency, with confidence remaining the key. The two assists will have done him good, even if many appear to be split on how much impact he had in the game. He did look isolated at times.

Was that because he didn’t drop deeper to make himself available? Was distribution out to his flank not that great? Was his positioning the reason distribution was not forthcoming? Why does he not attempt to knock the ball forward past the defender and fizz past them? Has he lost the pace to his game? Is he simply not as effective because of the attacking qualities of Walker? Therefore, do we need to look for a different ilk of player for the right or do we keep the faith?

Questions that won’t be answered for a few more games. Competition required for that wing will tell us if this particular conundrum has to do with attitude or not. Fact remains, when it mattered, he produced it. Nice work to set Bale up for the first. The second goal was ridiculously good. From the tippy-tappy footwork and close touch passing to the utterly sublime caress with power the ball travelled with when beating their keeper in goal. Goal of the month right there.

It’s also worth citing that Azza defended quite well. His awareness of when to drop deeper to cover a marauding Kaboul, for example should not be ignored. But then he's always been quite good at tracking back. Equally so the fact that his partnership down that wing with Walker is still fledgling. We still need him at his best (think of the counter attack and Lennon racing towards goal dinking right and left making the opposition defenders dizzy). We need that back.

In midfield, Luka again worked his socks off but by the standards he has set himself many expect a more obvious creative outlet rather than recycling possession (which is also vital to the mechanics of the team). But if you re-watch the first half and just make sure your eyes are constantly focused on him, you’ll see his worth to the side. Link up play and involvement in forward positions more than evident. Had he perhaps wrapped his foot around the ball rather than toe-poke it that would have been all the ‘in your face’ creative outlet required. Does look like he’ll get on the end of a few this season. Seems to drive into the pen area a lot more these days.

Bale was on form, not at full destroyer pelt by any means but he scored and got himself into positions to add more. Unlucky on two occasions not to do so. Again the opposition wasn't the best but this is all about confidence (when isn't it?) and he looked comfortable on and off the ball and flank-swapping. A busy Bale performance, one that he needs to carry into the next game and the one after that to recapture more of that lost spark.

King was in his throne as per usual. Kaboul wore the jesters hat when in possession at times. Perhaps with a more tentative approach he can still be the long term solution when Ledley abdicates his crown. Walker and BAE impressive (the latter more so). Kyle made to work by SWP once or twice. Benny and the free-kick was a personal favourite moment. He'll score one of them some day (if Rafa ever lets him get near a dead ball again).

As for Parker (saving the best for last), excuse me for a moment whilst I finish off my lightly salted hat with side salad and a glass of smooth and youthful Catena Alta Malbec.

I didn't quite rate Scott or think he was the player we needed at Spurs. On reflection, I must have allowed myself to be corrupted with contempt based on the players former rejections to join Spurs. That and the fact he was surrounded by abject woefulness at West Ham that even Chirpy with ball at feet would look good in their midfield. He always struck me as a player with an engine but nothing spectacular or special. Under-used at Chelsea. Can’t say I took much notice when he was at Newcastle. But at Spurs? Harry 1 Doubters 0.

He might well be a short term solution in that the boy Sandro will be a beast of a player and is the future but it sets the standard of performance level required in the middle of the park from a player that has the sole duty of allowing our more creative stars to shine. Parker is something we’ve been missing for an age. Dynamic, box to box and always involved. Jenas, bless him, had the lungs but not the direction or implementation to own the responsibility he was given and graft non-stop with such comfort and confidence.

Parker is not a leader of men in the same finger to lips shut your mouth type of way van der Vaart possess. Parkers influence is to win back possession and push us forward with players around him having to be alert to match his intensity with or without the ball so that we work efficiently and effectively as a defence into attack unit. He’s a constant irritation to the opposition. Be it one of physical elegance (even if he does look akward in movement, that hair style still wins me over every time).

Technically, in terms of getting stuck in with the tackle, he’s very very good. Much like Sandro is when he cameos. The difference is Parker is at his peak and is therefore the perfect role model for our Brazilian to fully appreciate the expectations Premier League football asks for a midfielder who has to defend, win the ball back and get drive towards goal.

Dave Mackay was the comparison made. Easy there fella.

Obviously Harry had to squeeze in a mention that he was after Parker all summer long (we get it mate, you rated him before we did). The Mackay comment was score-pointing for the masses, but I can guess at what he was attempting to convey with it.

Mackay was instrumental in so many ways for Spurs in both the tackle and creatively. Work ethic and ability legendary as was his leadership qualities. Broken legs, Bremner by the scruff of the neck, doubles and titles. He was a born winner, a born leader. Not just at Spurs either. The comparison is probably one aimed at how important and effective both player were/are to Tottenham’s midfield. There is no comparison really, Mackay is Top 2 material re: best Spurs player(s) ever. He was far more skilful too (dust off your old VHS copy of Terry Venables presenting a best ever Spurs eleven – there’s a wonderful story about Mackay in training that illustrates his genius) and his presence on the pitch more assertive.

They’re not alike at all if we’re honest about it, but if you take the game and the performance level that Scott produced you can appreciate Harry citing Mackay. Both players work(ed) their socks off for the good of the team. Both made impact. Both essential.

Parker was tremendous, but then he’s been so since he made his début. He functions to facilitate players that do have better ability when attacking. Where the ball goes in midfield, Scott goes and Scott only has eyes for the ball and said ball being at feet of a Lilywhite player and Scott does everything he can possibly do to make sure that's what happens.

What does Scott Parker do exactly? Everything we need him to do without complaint. What does Harry Redknapp do exactly? Quite a bit of you ignore his disassociations and soundbites and not so loveable personality. Box all that up, don't watch Sky Sports or listen to Talksport and you might just find yourself giving him a knowing nod of approval. Subtle nod though, let's not go overboard with it.

You want to talk about balance, look at the spine of the side. No need for a tap. We’ve left behind the taste of defeat inflicted on us by Manchester and we haven’t looked back since. We still await a more dominant display that sees no goal conceded and one or two more scored in our favour. Moon on a stick football is fine and dandy if you can get it at a premium but I’ll happily take the odd heart in mouth moment.

You simply feel far more alive when you get a slap in the face from reality but then dust off to knock it the f*** out.

Fancy a Ruby?

Rubin Kazan. Not related to Keyser Söze. Pretty certain unlike the latter, they most definitely exist. Yet I have no idea what to expect. They're hardly a team you would dismiss out of hand thanks to their adventures against the mighty (under-strength/not bothered at the time?) Barcelona. I would expect them to play a strong side, but then I'm guessing and I haven't googled or checked the sports sites to find out. Research, not something I can do much of during my lunch break. Speaking to other Lilywhites, they don't seem to know a lot either. Shame on us.

Honestly? I'm hardly gripped by the Europa League group stage but rather far more interested and perhaps just slightly (every so slightly) excited by the prospect of seeing a 'second eleven' take the field to what will probably be a White Hart Lane with the odd empty seat. I'm holding back on the sarcasm as much as I possibly can here. Perhaps I'll have my gob shut later on this evening, but if this game isn't a capacity filled occasion (which it wont be) then it begs the question about how such a game would play out in a 60+ stadium. I guess people who usually struggle to get tickets can't be arsed when its reserve football. To bring it full cycle, when season ticket holders can't be bothered to go either than I guess we need to appease all by not playing in this competition next season.

So, yeah, interested and a bit excited mainly because of the team news Spurs released in the build up that will see Aaron Lennon and Sandro return to the side along with Danny Rose. Equally of interest (nervous not excited) to see how we cope by the lack of centre-backs and the fact that those injured are apparently not going to be available for Sunday.

Pav and Gio will start which is always something you force yourself to watch just so you can angry the blood and inject some emotion into the game (as it's hardly nail-biting territory).

Looking forward to seeing man child Carroll in action.

The fact is, can't quite grasp what to expect. Will Rubin be up for it? Will they be cautious? Will our players be up for it? Will the back four be cohesive and will the formation have fluidity? Are we perhaps over-rating the visitors and under-rating our second string? Vice versa? Will Pav strop or show-off?

Lennon/Sandro fitness and their performance is key for the Prem games ahead of us. Gio is pretty much like a Kinder Surprise. Much expectation but in the end the anticipation is far more satisfying than what you end up with.

It's Tottenham. It's a proper game of football regardless of how much it's value has been diminished by other priorities and the lack of grade A first teamers. I never want to see us lose and I always want to see us win. Let's hope we win then.

Don't forget to wrap up nice and snug and get comfortable on the sofa.

Love the shirt.

Midfield majesty

Continuing the season review from here.

It’s the midfield’s turn now.

Huddlestone

Strange how things can turn out. One persons misfortune can lead to someone else coming to the forefront unexpectedly. Happened with Bale when BAE was injured. Happened with Sandro when Huddlestone was out. Might struggle to get back in now.

It’s been a mixed season for big Tom. A few seasons back, I discussed his merits and the fallacy of his immobility and his under-rated work ethic (he can occasionally boss games). His got the mad skillz with an array of volleys and thunderbolt shots and elegant passing that has a touch of the Hoddle about it. The dirty, darker side to his play needs to be policed as there’s nothing worse than seeing one of your own lash/kick out with studs.

Hudd offers something different to Sandro, but in a 442 (with vdV playing behind a lone striker) you would probably prefer the defensive qualities of the Brazilian to the offensive play Tommy has to offer. Mainly because he (Sandro) protects Modric who is then free to dink and dictate. What I do like, in terms of our squad, is that we have a rich variety of talent within our midfield pool – all players giving us something different.

The new conundrum (worth revisiting separately) is how best do we line-up to accommodate them?  2-6-2 anyone?

The bigger conundrum might actually belong to Hudd who might feel he needs to play week in and week out to truly maximise his potential.

Modric

I love Luka. So good you might not even notice him. His peers obviously didn’t. Although everyone else watching football from the stands or on television did. You can hardly miss his non-stop energetic coverage of every blade of the midfield grass. Always looking to play a pass or get on the end of one. Always recycling the ball with an almost Barcelonaesque presence. He is the control centre of the side, everything goes through him. The tempo, the possession. He’s imperative and quite simply irreplaceable. Because how would you go about replacing a world class player when perhaps signing one would prove to be a task of impossibility in this current climate of CL demands and ridiculous wages.

Luka spoke out recently, he’s an honest down to earth man. He’s happy at the club and isn’t looking to move on. We won’t sell him, we won’t look to sell him. Levy has already said this. Although money is money and if a bid came in for him that sat around the £35M-£40M and his agent whispered ‘150k per week’, an honest man wouldn’t lie to himself when questioning his loyalties to his own self being.

If you’re better than someone who is earning twice as much as you elsewhere, scratching your head you will.

I’m a romantic and with Spurs being in good nick with several top drawer players, I hope as a team they all have ambitions to stick together and achieve something at the club that works against what we’ve come to expect from history.

He might not score many goals but he’s magical with the ball at his feet. The fact everyone will be looking across to the Lane this summer speaks volumes about his quality. He would turn any midfield in this country into a better one.

Bale

This is what Tottenham is all about. Sign a young talented player, mishandle him through development and injury blips, almost destroy him and almost send him out on loan and then end up with one of the most iconic moments in our recent history: Bale, in the Champions League, destroying the reigning champions.

Okay, so yes there is plenty of style hype to run alongside the genuine substance. Gareth Bale is technically gifted, physically strong (or not – more later) and possesses great speed and agility. He’s also got an eye for goal. Unknown quantity in the CL meant he had a field day on occasions. Back home, one or two did their homework on the lad and nullified him. Although it’s hardly disparaging if you note how many times the opposition placed two men to mark him.

People who prefer to linger on the negatives are missing the point. There are no negatives. Just varying degrees of positives, some of which need nurturing to full bloom. He’s young. He’s learning. He’s had to deal with plenty, especially with regards to expectations and the extra attention after that hat trick.

‘Doesn’t do it in the league’ some have muttered. Well, sure, he’s not devastated opposing teams week in week out. But then his opta stats along with memorable moments might have been doubled had many of his brilliant crosses to head and across the six yard box found a forward. Not his fault movement from our frontline in and around the box let us down on numerous occasions.

He will improve, he’ll learn new tricks and his manager has to continue to play a part in progressing him. He’s a target, as we all saw with the tackle from Adam. He goes down easily, probably because he wants to protect himself. You can hardly blame him, it’s not like he isn’t being fouled. He is. He just takes a moment’s pause to make sure he isn’t broken. Someone still needs to toughen him up as it’s all in the head.

Modric might be the trigger, but Bale is the bullet. And he needs to remain in our gun.

Lennon

Whether it’s because of the bench warming or loss of form and focus, Lennon has not been at his best. Sacrificed by Harry, I get the feeling that Aaron is at times disillusioned. He’s shown glimpses of what he can do but as cited by Tom over at thfc1882, we’ve never seen the best of him at the same time as Bale and you wonder whether an opposition could live with all the questions fired at them if both our flankers were at full pelt together. I’m not suggesting one is detrimental to the other. It’s probably just bad luck and circumstance. But much like Bale needs development and a word in his ear, someone at the club has to drill home to Azza when best to cut in and when best to cross. He still possesses the pace. He’s a weapon that won’t do much damage loaded with blanks.

Harry has to stick him on the right and the coaching staff have to work on his decision making. At full pelt, it’s hairs on back of neck dancing time. We need him rejuvenated and not wasted, much like how Fabio managed to do within the England set-up.

Sandro

If you remember his first few appearances, the main criticism would have related to Sandro’s lack of comfort with the pace of the English game. Understandable. Which is why Harry slowly introduced him, what with pressures of moving to a cold country and settling into our way of life. But what struck me was the kids apparent unfazed demeanour and the manner in which he went about his business on the pitch. He made mistakes, he picked himself up and he got on with it.

Mental strength in abundance and therefore not a concern in my mind that we had found ourselves a winner. A player who believed in his ability to succeed for us. It’s early days but there is nothing to suggest otherwise. He’s a gem. But then he hardly arrived to Spurs from a nothing club. He starred for Internacional in their 2010 Copa Libertadores win.

No more mistakes, no more mis-reading of the games tempo and no more clumsy tackles and yellow cards (well, almost). In the Champions League he was quite simply superb. The pick of the bunch his performance away to AC Milan. His general defensive awareness as good as we’ve had, probably since Carrick. He allows others to flourish forward as he sits back and protects.

I’m excited at the prospect of seeing him in the team from the start of next season.

van der vaart

Just when the transfer window was about to shut, we were gifted a world class player at a steal. You can hardly say no. What you can say is, ‘how best to fit him in?’

I’m uncertain whether we’ve figured that one out. With a more robust centre-forward up ahead of him, perhaps we’d have seen more goals in our favour. He creates, he assists and he scores and he isn’t/wasn’t even 100% at any given moment during the course of the season. I hope his summer and pre-season is a great one because if he returns at the top of his physical peak, it will feel like we’ve signed him all over again.

I must have used the word galvanised a thousand times this season. It’s what Rafa does. His self-belief has proved vital and he’s practically dragged us up from the ground screaming and shouting in games, scoring all important goals and leading from the front – even though he’s not playing up front and can sometimes lose himself in deep areas between the defence and midfield that would leave Robbie Keane blushing.

Fourteen goals in a season of tinkering. Again, if Harry works out how to accommodate our key players in a formation that befits their talents and ability you’d be hard pressed to find a more attractive, pulsating midfield in the country.

Not to end this part of the review on a downer...

Palacios/Pienaar /Kranjcar/Jenas

Palacios has never fully recovered from his lowest ebb. A destroyer in his first season, he’s lost that intensity and with the emergence of Sandro and the inclusion of vdV and Bale on the left wing with Modric in the middle makes it extremely difficult and unlikely that he can work his way back into the side. A crying shame at £14M. I like him. He’s a good hard working lad who has lost his way and has failed to reclaim his past form. Again, we’ve been here many times before with players who we have written off and they’ve come back stronger. Just have a feeling that won’t happen for him at Spurs. Especially if we do end up signing another midfielder in the summer. Which I hope we don’t (other than perhaps a right-winger to cover Lennon).

Pienaar has been subjected to countless shrugs of despondency since his arrival. I’ll just say this: He was Everton’s player of the season. He’s no mug. Squad players should not be dismissed and he can and will do a job for us. He’s been here 5 minutes, give him a chance. Yes, he’s South African, and I would be dismayed if he was signed simply as a commodity (Khumalo anyone?) to aid with our SA fanbase. Okay, I admit he hardly fitted into the criteria we needed – but then when do we ever sign the right type of player? Charlie Adam – where would he have fitted into the side had he arrived during Jan? I think Pienaar is essentially a ‘Harry’ signing. Nice and cheap (wages excluded) and doesn’t quite make sense but does when he can offer cover. I'm trying to remain upbeat on this one. I'm probably in denial.

Kranjcar. Last season so so vital. This season, marginalised. Don’t think Harry utilised him enough and can’t see him at the club next season. Beautiful footballer and not too bad with the skills (boom boom). Rotation could have been slicker from the gaffer and Niko should have played far more minutes. Can’t remember what game it was now, but he was awful (along with one or two others) when given a start...but you wonder how much of that was down to man-management on the training pitch and sheer frustration.

Jenas? Injured for the best part of the season other than one decent cameo spell. He seems to be the perpetual squad player, always in and around the first team. But this season we’ve hardly had time to make disparaging comments because he’s hardly had the time on the pitch to live up to our low expectations of him. It’s not quite fair to be honest to say anything negative about the lad. He’s not been at the races. Another player who might be on his way in the summer. Because I can’t see how he’ll fit into the team any time soon. It's either him or Pienaar.

Next up, the forwards (or lack of).

Mauling in Madrid

I woke up suddenly early this morning, around 3am. A little disoriented and for a brief few seconds no recollection of anything other than the dream I had just lost. Then it hit me like a truck running over a rabbit caught in its headlights. That other dream, my memory returning, also lost.  I did reach out to see if there was a white handkerchief I could use to wave despondently across my face to wipe away a tear. Instead I went back to burying my head under the pillow and asking myself...what if what if, as I lost consciousness (always with the losing) once more and fell back into what might as well have been a nightmare.

In all the match previews for our first leg visit to the Santiago Bernabéu, including mine, very few entertained the eventuality of what was witnessed on the night.

I cited we needed to stand tall, be strong. The usual pre-match battle cry dressed up with belief and desire with a dab of focus thrown in for good measure. It was always going to be about us finding out whether we could compete against a heavy weight side managed by heavy weight tactician.

Some quotes from my match preview:

“Jose knows his side won't be able to steam-roll us like the various assortments of Spanish fodder they dismantle week in week out”

That’s exactly what they did.

“We are not expected to win. We're not expected to beat them over the two games. So the pressure is on them. Leaving us to play without fear. Because to do otherwise would be regretful”

We found ourselves on the back foot before the game even kicked off with Lennon dropping out of the starting eleven due to, I’m not sure what. Illness according to Redknapp.

“I hope our defence retain unity.
I hope Bale has 'a game'.
I hope vdV galvanises his team mates on his return to his former club.
I hope Modric dictates.
I hope our players show resounding mental strength.
I hope Harry gets one over Jose”

Deliciously ironic if you’re a Madridista. The sudden change and resulting substitution that saw Jenas enter the field of play and then stupidity and lack of composure in the opening quarter of an hour was the catalyst for a nailed on defeat.

Apart from one of the goals, the rest were poorly defended. vdV sacrificed at half-time. Modric lost thanks to the constraints of seeing Crouch red-carded. Sure, we showed mental strength. Not so much in the way we knee-jerked and allowed us to be consumed by the occasion and subsequent reshaping. But the way we held it together, especially by going in at half-time at 1-0 was encouraging damage limitation.

I’m going to avoid any deep analytical break-downs regarding individual performances (some fought, others switched off, relentless pressure too much to handle) along with Harry’s tactical changes and the Peter Crouch kung-fu episodes. And not forgetting the forgotten fundamentals when failing to defend the two headed goals.

I'm going to avoid mainly because if you take a step back and remind yourself of the opposition and their quality and then admit they hardly shifted out of second gear – you’ll be grateful it was only the four goals conceded. There was no plan b. Madrid knew they would win, and picked us off patiently with all the time in the world to do just that. All things considered (36 Madrid shots on goal?) we might have escaped with a 2-0 or 3-0 which would still have had us dreaming. What with us being that way inclined.

Alas, back to harsh reality...

Ten men up against Real Madrid, away from home, having the absolute **** pressed out of us for practically the entirety of the match. These are not excuses; it’s just statement of fact. It’s horrible I know, to admit you’re being outclassed regardless of the way we surrendered any possibility of making a fight out of it. With eleven men, we might have scored an away goal. We’d have retained shape, cohesiveness. Instead we struggled to keep the ball with not a second allowed for us to catch our breath and try to salvage offensive movement rather than chasing shadows. Probably would have retained the ball, recycled possession effectively and had pockets of Lilywhite aggression. I guess, as one or two of you have already pointed out, it’s a nice to get-out clause to have.

That’s to be able to imagine that teasing ‘what if’ rather than say losing 4-0 with no caveats in sight. We worked hard because we had no other option to defend, we made mistakes, and we were duly punished for it. It’s happened to one or two teams in the past, taken to school. Lesson learnt. Then continued their progress next time round. Have to hope we won’t need to wait too long for that next time.

Let’s also respect the other perspective, the one we tend to ignore because we're so Spurscentric. As much as we’d have wanted to prolong the adventure, the other team – they had their own agenda. Fuelled by the fact they are second best to the best team in the world and finding themselves with the opportunity of meeting them in the next round what with personal redemption for all involved at Madrid and an obsession to avoid seasoned disappointment in the Champions League. It’s not always in our hands. As much as we’d like to believe it to be. Toe to toe, eleven against eleven might have been equally as painful.

Nothing to be ashamed of Spurs. But equally 'okay' for all of us to be disappointed as the return fixture is practically redundant what with the immediate (it’s been there all season tbh) urgency to reclaim a top four place with a handful of games left. Massive task for manager and players to react positively and not let the season fade away.

For the return game, do we rest our players or do we live for the moment once more? Home territory with the noise of the Lane in the stands, accompanied by a swan song of swagger out on the pitch? It would be rude not to oblige.

It’s been a majestic campaign in the only way we know how to journey through one. Ups, downs and shrugs. We were not meant to finish top of our group or knock out AC Milan. We did. And along the way created some cracking memories. There's room for one more, even if it's only a footnote.

COYS.

Sideways Spurs need fantastic forward

The one definitive observation from Saturday’s draw at St James Park was the one we always discuss in the aftermath of another ninety or so minutes of frustration. You know exactly what it is I’m referring to. Regardless of all the tippy tappy possession and the undoubted Barcelona brilliance of Modric (just call it Lukalona football) who you just have to stand back and applaud when remembering the slow but necessary process of his gradual but now explosive return to complete form.

Even if his performance at Newcastle was not full pelt thanks to the physicality of the opposition, pushed and barged throughout the game, but refusing to be bullied and was desperately unlucky what with the woodwork rudely getting in the way from a shot that deserved net.

So regardless of all that...we still don’t quite manage to make it count up top, we don't seem to create the clear cut chances that the build up play deserves, mainly because when the ball gets up top in and around the box, we are let down by either lack of composure, wrong decisions or poor ball/cross. So that vital bit of the build up is where it sort of falls flat.

Plenty of guilty touches shared by many. Lennon, on the left (having started off in his traditional right) got his foot stuck under the ball once or twice when a cross might have resulted in a goal. On the left, crossing with his weaker foot. Not going to work really.

There was a patch in the second half where we knocked on their door constantly. Well actually, we were practically kicking the door down even though we had the keys in our hand, however dropping said keys walking away from the door back towards the start of the driveway before running back and kicking the door...again. Never really breaking through it. There was an easier way.

PICK UP THE KEYS, PUT THE KEYS IN THE LOCK, UNLOCK THE DOOR. WALK IN.

Lennon did do quite well trying to get in via the window (that’s cutting in onto his strong(er) right foot and what with him being so small, perfect fit for it). Along with Modric, Azza was our best player on the day. Even with his final ball hiccups. His goal was deserved. For his effort and for our effort with not giving up. Even though we might look back in regret at some fundamental issues that aided Newcastle into the lead and for most of the game likely to hang on to it. I under-rated them post-match. Shame on me.

As for us - we made hard hard work of grabbing a point.

Their goal, awful really from our perspective. Hutton’s slow and slower footwork the first facepalming moment, Cudicini’s attempted save the second. The latter redeemed himself. The former is fortunate he’s decent going forward. His positioning remains awkward at the back, along with his lack of instinctive quick thinking defending with additional ball and player watching. Can we try Charlie again at RB again? Or Kaboul?

Before this, should have been 1 up at half time (JD miss) but 1-0 down in the second it was, and the day continued to run with the ominous theme of despair. What with BAE out injured, Bale in at LB from LW and then out early in the game with a back injury. And then 1-0 down and lacking punch.

Dawson, talismanic on his return bringing with him some clean sheets to replace the dirty old ones found himself hiding under the blankets avoiding the big scary hairy monsters. He got turned, badly on one occasion. I still love the big smiling lad to bits but a day to forget for the most part. Could have easily been 2-0 once or twice when we pushed forward only to be countered.

Jenas was like a goldfish swimming in shark infested waters. Talks a good talk does JJ. Talks. Pienaar didn’t look sharp or completely 100%. Did have one or two worthy moments of intent, but he’s come straight into the side so we can hardly start having a go. He did okay, we’ll expect better over time if he’s going to be more than just a squad player (which is what I think he is). Bassong did fine considering it’s the first time he’s slotted into LB this season.

Other mentions. Defoe should have had it just before the half time whistle, as mentioned. Buzzed about but his decision making sometimes has me eating my fist. I dislike the way he always seems to fall down after a poor first touch in front of the pen area. I know it was physical game, but it happens too often. van der Vaart? You sort of forgot he was playing at times, what with dropping back in deepest midfield to help out Luka and sort of getting stuck there. And please Rafa, stop allowing gravity to pull you down with such comparative ease.

Also found a lot of our play was down the middle, forever smacking into a cluster of Newcastle players. Lost the balance of width and as the game progressed (three at the back) we still seemed to get to their pen area and lose impact due to a loose ball or whatever. Ref was as messy as our final third effort.

When you cry out for Crouch (which is what five of us were doing as we watched the game on a plasma – the wonders of streaming from lap top to tv) you just knew the day was now totally engulfed in ominous-ness. When he came on we hardly managed to us his tallnessness. Lack of width, lack of crosses. But he did get his head onto a flick-on once or twice which is either deemed as constructive to bringing his team mates into the game or the only thing he does which is hardly reason to depend on him.

In the end, Lennon worked his swagger and from the jaws of defeat yadda yadda yadda. He made the right decision and finished splendidly. Two points dropped, no? Well actually probably not. Because that observation from the game once more illustrates that if you have no consistency up top you’re not going to produce consistent performances. This is not an issue with the 4411 formation. Well it is, I guess, because we’ve not got the player to compliment vdV and especially the magic of Modric. But I prefer this step up to a more traditional 442 as with the right players it will work better than say having JD and Crouch starting. Will being the operative word.

Our midfield has remained more or less the same and when Huddlestone returns we’ll be even stronger in terms of creativity. Pinged balls and disguised passes aplenty from Tommy.

But the forward conundrum continues to plod along.

Recent games, recent partnerships:

vs. Newcastle - Defoe/VDV
vs. Man Utd - Crouch/VDV
vs. Fulham - Pavlyuchenko/VDV
vs. Newcastle - Pavlyuchenko/VDV
vs. Aston Villa - Defoe/VDV
vs. Chelsea - Defoe/Pavlyuchenko
vs. Birmingham - Defoe/Crouch

(thanks to Mumorn, GG)

And the stats:

Crouch - 1 goal in 1315 minutes, or 1 goal per 14.6 games
Defoe - 0 goals in 548 minutes
Keane - 0 goals in 226 minutes
Pav - 5 goals in 801 minutes, or 1 goal per 1.8 games.

Our strikers - 6 goals in 2890 minutes, or one goal per 5.4 games.
6 goals in 23 Premier League games

Our Midfield - 21 goals in 9580 minutes, or 1 goal per 5 games.
21 goals in 23 Premier League games

(thanks to...not sure, if stats are not correct – let me know)

Now, take the team as is and stick a prime time Dorgba-esque player up top. Much like the Dutchman and Croatian galvanise our midfield, so will a top drawer centre-forward.

We don’t test the opposition keeper enough, when we do we don’t score enough from chances created. It’s almost there, the design, the workings. I know we struggled with the final ball but it’s all limp where it matters. None of the penetration deserving of some of our football.

Was a time when we were scoring goals for fun (circa Berba/Keane era). This team just needs that spark. Because the moment we click and we're clinical and ruthless, we’ll be dangerous. We’ll kill teams off and we would win games that ‘Top 3’ teams are expected to kill off. The reason we are once more thinking more about the 'battle for fourth' is because we are probably sort of better than last season but not massively improved to compete with the other sides who are churning out the results.

Final word:

Don’t fret at the Prem table. We got completely written off last season, countless times. We’ll still finish fourth. But it will go down to the final week(s) again.

Also, I have a question about our scouting system. I've discussed this a few times already this past weekend with Lilywhite supporting family and friends and it's something a number of you have probably scratched your heads about plenty of times. Why do we let it drag out, re: signing players? Is there no smart decent striker somewhere in world football we could pick up for a relatively good price or are we are about to enter the usual last gasp bid and win transfer bingo of deadline day? Do we not have people working on potential transfers in the months leading up to the opening of the window so we can just make bid on the first day - 100% it's the player we believe will better us?

Behind the scenes, we might well have two or three players that fit the bill. But you can't quite believe that's the case. Hope I'm wrong.

COYS.

So how exactly do you beat Spurs?

Spurs 2 Liverpool 1

How do you make sure of beating Spurs? Well for starters perhaps try to score 5 to 6 goals in the first half then park the bus to stop them from mounting a sustained comeback. Because a one or two goal head start won't be enough. 

Choke? Capitulations? Catastrophe? Thanks but no thanks. We no longer own the copyright.

Comeback Kings. Tag us up. A new era is upon us.

We've now notched up 16 points from a losing position - which illustrates the strength of character and belief this side has. Again, it’s scary to start theorising about how good we might be if we played with relentless intent from the opening whistle. Would like to see us take a lead, go two up and then kill the game off, perhaps with another to make it comfortable. Show some wit and guile by stopping the opposition from playing and dictating tempo at will.

Hey – it’s Christmas so the moon on a stick in my stocking is not a far-fetched request for Santa to deliver. I can’t help but flirt with the idea of the next step we need to be taking.

Beating Liverpool in the manner we did was not a vintage Spurs performance. Actually it was going by this season’s template. No need to play well across the full 90 minutes. Dangerous heart-in-mouth game plan. The consequence of no clipboard.

But that's fine because we're not degrading in terms of momentum and we'll surely continue to improve, especially if we manage to consolidate in the Jan transfer window.

Had it ended in defeat or a draw we would have spent a few days knee-jerking about what’s wrong with the team, struggling to cope with injuries and cohesiveness, losing out to a Liverpool side that have hardly been expansive with their football away from home this season. They looked up for it, attacked with a degree of on the deck directness and were combative in centre midfield. Torres could have punished us and brought us crashing back down to earth after our NLD win and qualification into the knock-out stages of the Champions League. But the Spaniard deciding against pulling the trigger when it was the easiest option to take probably because, I don’t know, he didn’t want to hurt our push for Top 4 what with his imminent transfer to N17.

/tumble-weed

Not quite moon on a stick that, more Andromeda galaxy on a stick. Grateful he didn’t leave us flat on our backs looking at the stars.

Liverpool squandered one or two chances. We did too, Defoe should have lifted the ball into the goal rather than just hit it low, Carragher blocking. And then in the second half, a fairly poor penalty. I’m sure you know the stats with pens off by heart now. Five out of nine missed or something. Bale also had an effort cleared off the line.

Open game that it was (Spurs do not do cautious well) we had to overcome a few in-game obstacles. van der Vaart pulling up early on, subbed, and probably out for a month. Kaboul also going off with a muscle problem – Bassong on as his replacement. Harry’s arms tied behind his back in the dugout. But if there is something we‘ve learnt time and time again this season is Houdini is capable of an escape or two. Never doubt our spirit, or do so at your own risk. Backs against the wall – we’ll just turn around, smash it down and walk straight through it. Granted not always with a bulldozer, just a one or two explosives expertly positioned. That will always do the job.

Liverpool just about deserved their goal, not much we could have done about it other than better man-marking – but it happens. Scrappy opener and the Reds could have doubled/tripled their lead either side of half-time. Torres brilliantly playing in Rodriguez who scoffed his shot, and Bassong superbly getting to the ball leaving Torres frustrated...again. Good to see him looking sharp and with Dawson a week or so away, at least our defence won’t be completely decimated – what with Gallas forging a decent partnership with the rampant Kabul.

Found myself frustrated by many things during  the game and before the final moments.

BAE’s posturing. Wilson’s distribution of the ball. Defoe still rusty. The fact Lucas was running tings in midfield speaks volumes about our inability to take a stranglehold of the game. It was all a bit lazy. Give the ball to Bale even though Bale has two men on him most of the time. Hoof balls forward for the knock-downs. Palacios is not even half the player he once was and losing vdV and not having anyone else to slot into the midfield (with JJ out), makes it all the more tricky if the opposition – no matter their depth of quality – put in a good shift.

Having said that, Liverpool were not quite head and shoulders above us.

One penalty miss, one not given (yes, Liverpool might have had a shout for one too), two off the line. We still looked for a way back in. When we did eventually score it was the excellent dinking Modric running through Liverpool’s back-line with ease and playing it across the six yard box, Skrtel forced to make contact with the ball (having scored for the 1-0) making it 1-1, otherwise Crouch would have. Luka is only just getting started IMO. He’s going to be vital over the next two months where that fabled marker just has to be placed down as we look to get ourselves into the top four  - and stay there.

The winner was direct (now there’s a shocker), BAE long, header on by Crouch (knock him if you like but was that another assist?) and Lennon rushing past probably the worst Liverpool defender in their recent history (not saying much) to score in injury time. Fully deserved for the ickle man who is regaining form. He’s got his spark back.

The opposition not so much mugged, but leaving their wallet on a table to be snatched with comparative ease. In the end an out of sorts Spurs side pushed aside a plucky Liverpool side. Oh my how things have changed.

We’re still not at full pelt but neither is the Premier League – and we’re six points off the top. Aim high(er), right? Three successive league wins. Four in all comps. Five games unbeaten. Momentum, dear old friend, is back with us.

Kudos to Harry, if anything for another half-time team talk and holding on till late to bring on Sandro (a substitution he could not have made earlier in the game due to the injuries). Not sure we can spend too much time being concerned with the way we don’t quite own the full 90 minutes. But then this might just be a consequence of the injuries and the related tinkering – and it’s something we need to muddle through until the dawn of 2011.

The big news I guess in the aftermath is the injury to Rafa van der Vaart. Possibly out for a month which is a massive disappointment considering his talismanic qualities and White Hot Lane goals. There is no discounting his influence. But like I’ve said – we need to be able to win without him. Kaboul also out (not sure for how long) - so it's biting of the nails time as another two men go down on the battle field. Time for the spirit of 2010. Dig deep.

One final footnote - the crowd getting on Palacios back – f*ck off idiots.

Yes he’s not the defensive destroyer he was when he first signed for us and although I’m quite happy to agree that he might need to placed aside or leave if he fails to recover from his crisis of confidence (Paul Robinson anyone?) there is no need for prawn sandwich booing and sarcastic cheering. Groan and moan it’s your right – but ease off trying to apply extra unnecessary pressure on the guy by making a point of singling him out in this manner. Support him. Some of his work wasn’t that far off decent. His passing is woeful I know. Harry hug and perhaps a gentle slap in the face required to perk him back up. It’s a massive concern because he’s not shown any signs of recovery so far. Not the same player since losing his brother. And is unlikely to be if some of you make the decision to hate on him before you even turn up at the Lane.

Slagging players off on blogs and forums, probably the best place for it because it’s unlikely they give a sh*t about something they won’t be reading. In the ground – it’s not. Jog on to the Emirates if you want to act the c*nt.

Anyways, you’re meant to reserve your disgruntled energy for when Jenas is back in the side.

j/k

Loving my JJ fix at the minute. Oh we are such a fickle bunch.

To end on a positive. Credit to all concerned, we’re not going to let go of our top four entry easily.

COYS.

Onwards.



Exercise or play sport regularly? Join Spurs legend Graham Roberts and tell Arthritis Research UK about your experiences of sports pain or injuries: painoutofsport.org

Havanagate

In the wake of the rather disgraceful photo of Ledley King and Ashley Cole (Laughgate) walking off a jet 'aving it, laughing, waving a massive banner stating 'who gives a shit, we're rich' and flashing their willies, someone has managed to grab and share a photo captured by King (he's blatantly the ring-leader in this, compensating for only having one knee I reckon) in the Hotel Marang in Rustenberg (photo snapped on his Blackberry, leaked thanks to a function that allows selected friends to share photos) of the England players sitting around, lounging, smiling and laughing (they sicken me with their constant Jokeresque grinning) along with Aaron Lennon puffing on a big fat cigar. Presumably because he's now free to return home to oversee the sale of his mansion. The mansion that you and I have paid for. To which he has shown his gratitude by aiding England's World Cup to go up in smoke. Keep on puffing on that cigar Azza. Which by the way, was lit. The cigar. Not just sitting perched in his mouth for show. The cigar was in full working order, unlike England's formation. Who the heck has ever heard of someone smoking a lit cigar? Who the hell does think he is? Smoking, a lit cigar, in a hotel? Aaron Che Guevara Lennon? And if that wasn't enough, their mentalist party also included beer, beer and ice buckets for more beer, champagne and wine. Hedonism at it's very worst. See how the table is untidy, no regard for the maids that. It's what money does to you. That's the level of respect they have for the little people.

The photo was tagged by the hapless King with the title 'Home time then holiday time'. Because the photo was taken before they left South Africa, to return to England, to then leave again no doubt for more sun and probably more kicks of a beachball than they've had of a football in the past couple of weeks. Surely the title 'Larding it up with the England massive, off our tits' would have been far more suitable commentary. Who the f*ck do they think they are anyway? Two summer holidays in one working year? WTF? Hapless indeed. I mean who sends a picture message these days and doesn't expect a dishonest friend to forward it onto the paragons of justice, the national tabloids? One knee. And half a brain. Guilty as charged.

Football is in ruins. I have never witnessed such debauchery in the wake of defeat when the expectancy was for us to win the whole damn thing. The players should have sat reflecting on their early exit, had tea and fizzy drinks, wore black suits, and quietly prayed for forgiveness.

I blame Fabio. This wouldn't have happened had he taken the job.

What did we learn from the England game?

Practically nothing.

Sure, it's a friendly and okay Fabio selected an experimental side and some of the more senior players were applying little assertion to avoid big injuries. And post-match, for Fabio to state he knows his final 23 players already would suggest that regardless of what happened against Japan, there wasn't a lot of importance bestowed on the game, other than perhaps one or two miracles to make him scratch that chin and re-think. Which is fine considering how casually inept the game was as a whole from our standing point. I mean for starters, our two goals were scored by Japanese players. Heskey might have nabbed one all for himself from 3 yards out, but the ball really needed to be 2 yards out for him to stick it away with conviction. Bit unlucky there.

Elsewhere, Huddlestone played well without being exceptional. He did what he did, passing the ball around neatly. Not really a test and not the type of game where he could perhaps show the gaffer he is a better bet than say Carrick. Our back four were pretty much woeful for large periods. Johnson was all over the shop. Again. I bet he's gutted King wasn't on the pitch to take the blame.

And then there's Theo Walcott. I know he's young, and I know two years back many had reservations about Lennon and his (lack of) end product, but why exactly we persist in a player (a confidence player with no confidence) when it's obvious that waiting for him to recreate the type of magic he's created 2 or 2 times before (that many) seems to be quite desperate from an England perspective. He has pace, and if the plan is to use him as a late sub, it still doesn't fit well considering he struggles to influence the game in any meaningful way when given more time on the pitch to impress.

He's had a poor season, has suffered from injury layouts. Still living off that hat trick, that run against Liverpool and that chipped goal for Soton. Is he even a winger? If he played for anyone else, he'd be nowhere near this squad.

Which brings me back to the point of this game. If it was one last chance (to follow on from the whole bundle left behind him) then he failed to impress. SWP did more in his appearance than Walcott has managed for countless England games. This is not a 'Aaron is better than Theo' propaganda piece. This is more of a 'let's drop the dead donkey' awareness campaign. Azza was placed on the left, obviously to accommodate Theo's inclusion. So we hardly got much from our wing-man thanks to Ashley Cole and his marauding runs on the left. That and the fact that the ball spent most of it's time going out to the right hand side, before the players got a little bored of nothing happening. I'm hoping Fabio is well aware that Lennon works better running down the wing, with a man up head to skip past - which is why he is better suited to the right-wing and no Cole. As for Theo, he's better suited at home watching the WC on his wide-screen. Although I'm sure if he doesn't travel, he'll still manage to get a mention (ask ITV and Gareth Southgate who described a Walcott shot on goal which the keeper saved, when it was Lennon who had the effort).

Okay, so it is a propaganda piece. I'm just bored of repeating myself here. And before any gooners latch onto this, there's a fair view who agree with me. If there is room in the squad for a 'wildcard' then I'd probably go with Adam Johnson. He's had a far better season. If TW does go, and proceeds to go on a mazy 50 yard run and scores the winner, then most of us probably wouldn't care if he doesn't do anything again for five years. Seems an awfully big risk and ask of the kid. He has time on his hands. Let him claim stake to true form and end product by developing and improving, rather than us forcing the issue, over and over and over again.

So, over to Fabio for that one. And for the sake of England, Walcott is better off out on loan at a club with less pressure and with no bog-standard requirement for Henry mk II posturing.

As for the rest of the game, there's not that much more to comment on. No tempo from England, all far too ordinary and predictable and pedestrian with (thankfully) some fine moments from Rooney and Hart to keep as mostly awake. We didn't use the wings - but then I've already explained why. It was all pretty much a bore, and I'm sure we'll improve tenfold when we play the USA. At the very least, it will be a more balanced side - so perhaps we'll have some form of tempo to excite us and give us hope. Might actually be a blessing, playing the USA. Could turn out to be a EPL type of encounter.

I expect Hudd and Daws to be tuning into the game with the rest us. Both lack the experience and can't be risked. Although the irony of someone like Dawson (who has arguably had a fairly fantastic season) missing out, is then not so hurtful when you consider the experience that stands before him for those central positions. Even with the likes of Rio and Terry looking a bit shaky at times. You can't honestly see him going because every CD has more England experience than him (although I don't rate Carragher or Upson above Daws - but the former is (apparently) more versatile).

It's all come a bit too late for Tommy (Joe Cole a shoe-in), so perhaps next time round. For the both of them. Crouch, Defoe, Lennon and King - dead certs.

England expects.

Anglo-Spurs backbone

King. Dawson. Lennon. Defoe. Crouch. Huddlestone. Six of the best. All called to the provisional England squad by Fabio. Out of the six, I'd say two are certain. Two deserve to go. One of the remaining two should be awarded with the honour of being part of the final 23. Leaving just the one who will miss out, but might well be a candidate for the future.

Rewards for all regardless for a fantastic season. Tottenham Hotspur, the club with the English backbone. And bionic knee. It's a bit early doors, what with the season only just ending (well, almost - still the FA Cup to play out and Pompeys certain win over Chelsea) but I'm beginning to get the itch for the World Cup. I always do. Not that I'm ever obsessed with qualifying matches, but when we're involved in the main show it's fairly difficult to ignore it. As much dislike as I have for the likes of Terry, Gerrard, Lampard etcetc, I'm hoping the Tottenham contingent do us  proud, to prolong the wide smile on my face through the summer and into next season.

King - Utterly deserves an England swansong. Proved his knee can survive 4 consecutive games on the trot. Colossus of a player and the best we have at the back.

Dawson - No pace. But makes up for it in the way of determination and bravery. A sort of raw version of John Terry. Just without the **** qualities. Proper 110 percenter is our Daws.

Lennon - Only just back. Has to go because he's best at what he does. He's no speed merchant (unlike Theo). He can pass and cross (unlike Theo). He doesn't have a book out and doesn't have his photo plastered over the celeb pages of tabloids (unlike Theo). He's a player who has improved and developed and terrorised sides prior to his injury (unlike Theo). And now he's back, granted he's only had a couple of appearances, but rather than be nothing more than an option asked to run directly at tired legs (Theo) in the final stages of a game, he can start and be used effectively over 90 minutes. Does concern me though, this nations obsession with Walcott. Johnson, SWP, Walcott, Lennon. Decisions, decisions, hey Fabio?

Defoe and Crouch - The best of the rest that England have available to them. Which isn't a lot. Heskey? Rather Crouch. Bent? Okay, let's repeat ourselves again - he feeds off scraps and counter-attacks, loose balls in the box. Ask him to play as part of a cohesive unit, inter-linking, intelligent moving...no chance. So yeah, JD and Crouch are far superior options. Even if JD has gone off the boil, and tbh lacks the ability to play himself onside at times.

Huddlestone - Mobility. Lack of adaptability. He'll only be able to play one way and we'd have to accommodate him. In the right game though, he could ping the ball about Hoddlesque. And he has proven more than capable at times, but arguably lacks the top level experience and 'testing' to be worthy of a risk in a high-pressured game. Does deserves his place in the final 30 though. Just think he's the most obvious to be left behind.

Good luck to all of them. In Fabio we trust, right?

Brings me nicely onto the below youtube clip. New Carlsberg advert. I must be more easy than a Sunday morning, because the hairs on the back of my neck stand up watching this. And I can't be the only person who gets a little choked up with the lovely Bobby Robson touch.

We're all in agreement, Azza is better than Theo...

Remember the days when Lennon was accused of being all pace, no end product or composure and pretty much someone who was tagged as a one-trick pony with a limited shelf-life (thanks to defenders quickly working out how to stop him in his tracks)? He had that one single season, that one blip, where he struggled for ideas, lost his way a little. But his progression returned the following year and he continues to improve - in all areas. Not the finished article by a long shot, but a key first team player and one that is a sure fire inclusion for the World Cup, as long as he recovers from his injury. He can score, cross and has a more than decent first touch and is excellent at nicking the ball off opposition players, skipping around them and running off with the leather at his feet. Off the bench for England, he's the definitive impact player. They'll try to hack him down, cards all over the place from the ref.

Theo Walcott on the other hand has done little in the way of anything in the past few seasons. Once you place the hype aside and box it back up and then take the ridiculous decision to take him to the last WC and flush that down the toilet, he's basically a player with plenty of pace - but nothing else. He's a blindfolded Lennon.

Okay, so he's been plagued with injuries - but if this kid played for anyone else, he'd be nowhere near the England team. Even Arsenal fans have run out of patience.

He runs but shows no crafty clever movements and his touch is abysmal for a player much cited as some sort of Henry prototype (see what tabloid hype does and how detrimental it can be?)

Yet our esteemed English tabloids continue to perpetuate fantasy. As though they are attempting to force the issue that surely a young English player at Arsenal HAS to be good and good enough for England. Sven took him to the WC ffs!!!111

Re: tabloids, I'm referring to The Sun and Steven Howard. Which brings me onto today's 'Forum Post of the Day'. Even though its not even 11am (at time of writing), I read this nailed-on reaction to Howard's match report of England's 3-1 win last night which included two gems. One stating Carrick made no impact and the other rewarding Theo a healthy 7 out of 10 for his performance when 4 or 3 would have been far more justified. Considering what SWP did when he came on, the gulf between the two is massive, let alone when comparing TW to Lennon or even David Beckham. Or even David bleeding Bentley.

It would be great if this guy could perform to the level most people remember (the hat trick v Croatia) but that appears to have been one spike in a land of blips. This is a bit like waiting on Jenas to excel because he smashed up Arsenal that one time. It's not happening. It's not going to happen. It's The Happening directed by M. Night Shyamalan. A strange, horrible and unprecedented crisis begins at the Emirates and transcends across to Wembley. The mysterious neurotoxin causes any Sun reporters coming into contact with it to commit common sense suicide. This all started several years back when our young protagonist, playing for Southampton at the time, run down the wing and chipped it in. Have you not see the video of that chip? That goal when he chips it in? Haven't you seen the chip? He chips it. Sky Sports News played that one clip all the time at the time. Over and over and over again. It's the chip. The goal where he chips it over the keeper and into the goal. The kid had chipability. He chips the ball in against some team and scores.

I'm just bitter he rejected us and went to them because of the number 14 factor. Bitter until Gareth Bale pulled himself out of an almighty lull to regain the potential we always prayed he had.

Others are not quite infected by the tiresome hype.

Waddle nailed it on 5 Live: "I've been analysing Walcott's wing play and I've come to the conclusion he does not understand the game".

Fact.

So, thanks to Markysimmo04 over at GG.co.uk and his e-mail to Steven Howard which wins today's 'Forum Post of the Day':

My work colleagues and I were wondering if you actually watched the game last night or maybe was in the bar during the whole of it..
 
How on earth can you give Walcott a 7, apart from one run in the first minute he once again looked like a little boy lost on the pitch and somebody who is only in the squad because he plays for one of the sky / media top 4 cartel, 67 games in 5 seasons for the trophy-less Arsenal shows he isn't even good enough for the premier league let alone international football
 
Or maybe your an Arsenal fan or one of Monsieur Wenger's disciples who hang on every biased comment he makes as the comment about Carrick not making an impression, he had a very good 20 mins or so and made the team tick a lot more than with Lampard on
 
Anyhow your ratings have made for much merriment in our office this morning and we are looking forward to seeing more one eyed clueless reporting in the upcoming weeks and months leading to the world cup 

Well in Mark. I do appreciate a good letter.

Update on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 1:42PM by spooky

Looks like Steven Howard has replied to Mark's e-mail. Have to say, if this is geninue, he has slightly (ever so slightly) gone up in my estimation. Single notch mind. Nothing more.

I'm afraid I didn't do the player ratings. These were done by my colleague Ian McGarry. Sadly, as they sometimes do, they missed outhis by-line. So, once again, I'm made to look a mug. I can do this quite easily on my own without anyone else's help!

Yrs Steve H

Excellent.

9-1. Frolicsome. Lap it up.

Unbelievable, I'm still trembling with glee on the back of this epic buzz. What a result. What a result. Jedward, finally voted off the X-Factor. Superb. Oh, and Spurs won 9-1.

In my match preview, I made one or two simple requests:

We need the team to give us a confident performance. That’s one that sees us play well, dominate possession and swagger it with tasty end product. One that keeps us 4th in the table.

No banana skin frolics or daft defending.

Prediction? I'm going for a home win.

Honestly chaps, 3-0 would have done me just fine. No complaints about the dismantling of lickle Wigan. We were lethal, clinical and swaggered around like pimps in fur coats gripping diamond studded canes. It's all about the game, and we were game on. There have been plenty of teams who have defended shockingly in the past but the opposition still has to punish them for it. These type of results don't happen often. It's a rare combination that includes not just the welcomed ingredient of the opposition crumbling under the pressure but for the side dishing out the spanking to be completely on fire, all cylinders positively bursting. We deserved what we got and the same can be said of Wigan. They simply couldn't handle the hot Spurs.

Lennon was irresistible, tearing it up, dribbling, hugging the touchline, cutting in, teasing, pin-point crossing, assist after assist after assist. Unplayable. Niko schemed, play-making to his hearts content which included one moment of brilliance that saw him flick the ball over a defenders head and then play a perfect 30 yard pass (obviously with the outside of his foot) into the path of Defoe who had his shot saved. One of the rare occasions that JD wasn't wheeling away to celebrate. Five goals, only the 3rd time a Prem player has achieved such a feat, which included a 7 minute hat-trick. Ridiculous. Even David Bentley managed a worthy cameo, hitting a splendid free-kick (that came back off Chris Kirkland and in) and setting up Niko for the 9th. And to think it was 1-0 at half time.

3-D special edition dvd blatantly in post-production.

Keane sat out the game on the bench (conspiracy clause theory RIP) with JD and Crouch leading the front-line. Hudd with Wilson in the middle, Azza back on the right and Niko starting on the left. The depressives amongst us would pose the question…where's the strength in the middle? Having Palacios as the only defensive player considering the way Sunderland outplayed us last time out might have left a few scratching heads over our potential fragility. But no repeat concerns here. We started well and other than perhaps the latter stages of the first half looked to be in control. Lennon tormenting Edman and crossing for Crouch for 1-0 as early as the 9th minute. Solid stuff. Dare I say balanced? Ok, so the opposition wasn't world-class, but neither was Stoke at the Lane and looked what happened there.

This was simply the perfect performance for the occasion. Devestating.

Relentless pace on one side and sexual football on the other. Aaron and Niko bossed it. A goal-assisting factory, oozing out chance after chance after chance - effortlessly. The passing, crossing, movement was stand-up-on-your-feet majestic at times. Best individual performance of the season thus far from our little rude-boy on the wing. As for Kranjčar? Offensively and defensively sublime. You want swagger bottled up and branded? Look no further than this cracking Croat who had the Ginolas about him as he owned the White Hart Lane turf. Although ownership is a trinity, completed by the irresistible Defoe who bagged himself five (1-2-3-4-5). Faultless display, ruthlessly punishing the luckless Wigan back-line who seemed to collapse on point every time JD moved. He was bang on it, not just with his finishing but his all-round play. That loan spell at Pompey was a masterstroke.

And in the middle a welcomed return to form for our General, breaking up any faint hope of opposition momentum to his hearts content. A defensive paragon of bricks. And let's not forget Tommy Huddlestone. Oh yes. No QE2 jokes. The big man was in his element. Top drawer passing, unlucky not to score. This is the type of game where you forget about any weakness and wish that all opposing teams wore bright orange. If you're wondering, Jenas was on the bench (and not eaten by Tom as part of his pre-match meal) but came on very late in the game, too late to make an impact. Maybe more faith is required on my part in future relating to the conundrum that is the Hudd, as Harry has no qualms in selecting him.

You can hardly fault anyone on the day. Crouch was busy. The defence strong and organised. You know it's a cracking day at the office when forgotten man Bentley shines with a goal (ok, ok, OG) and an assist.

As for the Wigan goal? Hand-ball. Replay? Go on then, why not. Defoe might even manage a double-hat-trick.

8 goals scored in the second half. 5 goals from one man,  3 of them in a 7 minute spell. Lovely. Tottenham Hotspur. She's like a stunning looking girlfriend who too often complains about headaches as you lay in bed despondent, and then makes up for it by fucking your brains out and leaving you jelly-legged on cloud nine.

Also, special mention to Darren Bent.

Good weekend innit?

Don't believe the hype

Hype. It’s a wonderful thing. Grow some moody facial hair on it and it practically begs for attention. I’m not dismissing Theo Walcott’s talent. But let’s not kid ourselves. If he played for anyone other than Arsenal, he wouldn’t be flirting so much with the England first team. Is he any better than SWP at the best of times?

There’s no doubting his pace. Electrifying. But thanks to Wenger and his undeniable ability of turning players into insufferable ****, Theo already thinks he is some type of Henry-Lite prototype. Blame David Dein’s octopus arms and Sven's acceptance resulting with the kids unwarranted inclusion in the World Cup squad in 2006.

Since then we've had three goals away to Croatia which has only added to the expectations a country has for one of their players.

Shame our Aaron is recovering at the moment because even the stats tell us there’s no doubting our shaved eyebrow wing wizard is currently ahead of his Woolwich counterpart in a claim for the spot on the right-wing for the Three Lions. Aaron has actually matured this season. We all know he has some fine-tuning to work on with decision making and finishing, but he’s no longer a kid with boots made out of greased lightning. He’s a young man who has proved his worth through determination and hard work and belief. With greased lightning boots.

Consistency the key.

Proving tricky writing this article and playing a violin at the same time. But that’s me. Multi-skilled. Much like our Player of the Year. Our Aaron has claimed more assists. More cross completions. May not have had as many shots on goal but gets more on target. Far more. And thus scores more for the effort.

Oh but Theo was injured and out of action for a while. Well that’s dandy. Aaron spent last year drowning in his own hype from the year before. Unable to keep his head above the water of expectation. He’s not quite walking on it yet. He’s on a jet-ski. Which is good enough. Theo is somewhat behind. Sat in a canoe with Wenger barking frenzied instructions. Most of which relate to avoiding international duty which Theo chooses to ignore.

The point is, for all the superlatives and the repeated footage of a run that’s akin to something Lennon does all the time is not a purposeful testament to progression. In fact he hasn’t stepped it up quite yet, but who cares as long as he’s with his pretty girlfriend and surrounded by sound-bites about the heir to the throne Thierry left behind. Enough with the poses and the arrogant swagger. It's positively boring.

Not that I want him to play well for Arsenal, but I guess he has to if he's going to be an integral part of the England squad.

Maybe it’s more subtle and people outside of the Emirates can’t quite grasp the improvement he’s made. I welcome any Arsenal input over this. To me he just appears to be inconsistent. Bursts of buzzing energy and then very little. Much like the Lennon of two years ago. Some gooner mates agree with me. Others don't and simply cite the injury as the reason for his stop-start form.

Last time out, our lad ended up believing the hype and paid the price for it. If Aaron has to continue to develop his game in the shadows whilst Walcott gets all the media attention then so be it.

Club before country.