There is still hope

I reckon I've got it sussed out.

All we need to do is sacrifice fifteen virgins (one for each remaining point) in the centre-circle at White Hart Lane and then take five voodoo dolls representing each club we have left to play and hang'em upside with pins inserted.

Whilst the sacrifice takes place (for reasons relating to legality we can't actually sacrifice people so I've spoken to a friend who knows someone who knows someone who can put me in touch with a farmer and for a nominal fee covering insurance purposes we can borrow fifteen lambs although we have to return the meat post-ritual or we'll lose the deposit)...Okay, so whilst the sacrifice takes place on the pitch we need to then set fire to the voodoo dolls and pray to Mait' Carrefour, the Haitian god of magicians and lord of the crossroads, promising him the souls of the sacrificed virgins (he won't know the difference, the souls are unlikely to bleat after they transcend) in return for Champions League next season. We also need to bury Chirpy in a shallow grave. Nothing to do with the ritual at all. Just, you know, might as well kill two birds with one stone.

I reckon that just about covers it and it's as full-proof as anything can possibly be. Got it all planned out on my clipboard.

No need to waste time on how to line-up our forwards best. How to get them to play with passion and desire starting off with the fundamentals like moving around the pitch a bit and controlling the ball. How best to structure our midfield for assured balance. Where to slot in Lennon for maximum impact. How to retain the required level of tenacity in games against lower-placed clubs as displayed against the bigger sides. How to get the message across that even if the opposition hasn't lost for a fair while, we should be storming it at home in a flurry of fantastics rather than once more failing with frustration.

Also no point in dwelling on the harsh reality of irony whereby said failure is shared by all involved, including the players that might want to transfer their way out in the summer due to the club not being involved in a competition because the same players failed to take us back there. Or is it the managers fault? Or is it mine for thinking we'd get on fine and that we were not over-extending? Regardless, where's the killer instinct? That has to be question that hides behind another disappointment.

You want killer instinct? You want it? If you want it, you do it yourself. You get on the phone to a farmer and you order some baby sheep.

Cheer yourself up, buy a t-shirt then sell it as a collectors item to a Man Utd fan in the summer

Fourth spot. It's still on.

We simply need to win every single game remaining and City need to slip up the once in addition to playing us.

Believe.

We got written off every single game leading up to Eastlands last time out. Nothing is impossible until it's impossible and it's not impossible. Not yet. When it finally is I'll applaud the team for a quite stupendous season, one with regretful blips that have cost us in the long run. But that's for another me in another universe, one where we finish outside the top four filled with melancholical madness, whilst an emo Spooky sits in front of his webcam reading out poetry and despairing with endless dejection.

Screw that universe.

Now excuse me. Got me some shearing to do.

Just remember what I've done for you next time you tuck into your lamb chop and potatoes.

Fix Bayonets Men! Follow Me To Glory!

Away to Birmingham. Remember this fixture last season? Should have won, conceded late on. Felt dejected at the final whistle, the loss of two points a body blow leaving us winded but hardly down and out. I'd be equally despondent if we drop points again. That marker we keep toying with, it's on the table. It just needs to be pushed inwards a little more. Don't want it falling off.

Birmingham followed by Chelsea, with Twente sandwiched in the middle and then a potential banana skin away to Blackpool before the post-Christmas fixture list snows down on us.

I love this time of year. The games, they come thick and fast. Equally so do the points if we're on top of our form and more so the momentum gained in a short space of time that could elevate us into a lofty position that makes the opening of the transfer window in January one of lip-licking excitement.

Time to apply the pressure on those around us.

Consolidation is only a possibility if we have something to build on which is stronger than just a foundation of hope and promise. Intent and end product. Forgetting Europe, we've won three successive games in the league and we're unbeaten in four. We continue to claw back victory from the jaws of defeat. We continue to perceiver with the loss of key players. There's spirit in this side. And whenever you think (and others hope) we are heading for a crisis we don't. Because that's not our bag any more. Crisis is a strong word, but these days it's altogether a different animal. Remember what a crisis was? We'd not win for five or six games playing dejectable calamity stricken football with our players falling over in their ballet shoes as they whisper to each other, 'I can do it too with Kandoo' whilst we discuss a potential new managerial appointment.

Crisis? Last time out was when we managed a lowly amount of points from a slightly pro-longed run of games. I forget the associated numbers, but I'll look on Facebook later to see if the Relegation Party has retained the finer details. The crux of it is, we were shambolic or always a couple of goals away from forcing ourselves into shambolicistic performances. No backbone and no actual template of structure. Yes Harry is very much a hug 'em type of man-manager. Gets the best out of players, plays them in their best positions and strives to strike a  chord with their confidence so that they enjoy their football and believe in themselves and the team. It's expressive, not quite expansive - but it works. And there's continued growth in the side if you look at mentality and focus.

Okay so hands up I admit like you would that this season has been erratic. But an erratic Spurs side of the past would find its self mid-table and unlikely to muster up, say, sixteen points from a losing position. Not that we should be using a team of old as a a gauge of progression. We've been mislead in the past way too often. The standards we set and achieve today should then be placed aside as we continue to improve further. Enjoy pockets of success (beating Arsenal away and ending the run of 68 games against traditional Top 4 opposition by throwing shirts into the stands) but then move on. Don't dwell. Learn from it and then deem it as a non-importance whilst new challenges are tagged with 'seek and destroy'.

A relentless hunger. Is what we should have. Harry having words with Bale over his handshake with an enemy player in the NLD speaks volumes. It might be an obvious characteristic of the teams who have spent the last couple of decades ahead of us, but its something we've lacked. Bite. Selfishness. Preservation of ones self above and beyond anything. We don't quite have that killer instinct. Not yet.

I'd wager you'd have to be a pretty awful coach not to be able to get this Spurs side to do well. Be it clipboard or no clipboard, Harry's approach (get Sherwood, Ferdinand, Parks etc to coach players in groups based on position with Bond and Jordan strutting their stuff on the training pitch) then tell them pre-game in dressing room to run around a lot and kick it in the net might be the most non-illustrious but effective display of keeping it simple tactics the Prem has ever witnessed. But he's not - as some have suggested - winging it. This is top tier football, not pub landlord on the touchline on a frosty morning over at Hackney Marshes.

We have shaped up plenty of times this season to deal with the opposition at hand and have also re-shaped when necessary to combat in-game dynamics. There is so much a manager can get out of his players with expression birthed from confidence. Although there is something very Tottenhamesque about just going out there and playing football, even if it's a giddy mixture of swashbuckle and caviller with heavy doses of dramatic twists and turns. Imagine if Harry was 10% more shrewd. But then we need to keep pinching ourselves and remember this is a new age Spurs. We are surfing high on a learning curve rather being water boarded in another transitional drowning session.  

It's easy to be critical because you can easily find yourself susceptible to the weight of expectancy. I said a pretty awful coach you'd be if you failed to get something from this current Spurs squad. What I meant was - we have an abundance of quality players who we can depend on. We look good on paper and just as good on the pitch. So it's a case of managing them and not over-complicating matters. And with each passing game a new obstacle is overcome and a new character trait is added to our ever growing goody bag of colourful traity sweets. No choking here. No sucking either. Just delicious crunchy delights.

You can’t become a winner if you don't win. I know that's the king of understatements but it's obvious that Tottenham have to mature from plucky defiant soldiers to eye of the tiger warriors using the blood of their left for dead opponents as war paint for the next battle. War is a bloody, killing business. You've got to spill their blood, or they will spill yours. Rip them up the belly. Shoot them in the guts. Someone once said.

That's why even if we are stepping up to score last minute goals and winning from losing positions - it all counts. And it will all level out to something more controlled because it has to if we want more out of all this gradual progress. I'm certain it will level out to something stronger in time. The fact that a crisis these days is when we drop a couple of points or don't play too well but still win is a statement of progression. Yeah sure it's not open bus parade territory just yet, but let's remember how paralysing the past decade or so has been for everyone outside the monopoly.

Keep it simple.

Birmingham don't score that many at home. We should avoid thinking about Tuesday. Attack 'em.

I want that marker super-glued to the table.

If you're going to the game on Saturday...

Make sure you go to the toilet before you enter the ground. Or just hold it in.

<you tube video removed>

I'm also hoping the only fireworks we see are on the pitch, firing out of the boots of our players. Woof.

Enjoy your breakfast. Match preview and other rambles later on.

EDIT: The original video has been removed, and if you're wondering it was a short vid of the away toilets at St Andrews, in a sorry state. More messy than Real Madrid's defence on Monday evening. Which renders this article next to useless, so I'll attempt to save it by retaining some toilet humour with this (you'll have seen it already but it's the best I can muster up this early in the morning).

We all agree, vdV is better than Cole

Bale out on the left, plays it to Huddlestone, Hudd to Cole, Cole step-over, loses the ball...

One two between BAE and Bale, Bale cuts in, drags ball back, plays it to Cole, Cole skips and dances around with the ball, loses possession...

Cole on the ball, fancy footwork, tricky trick, comes to nothing...

Imagine that.

In another parallel universe what you just read is playing out to a disgruntled White Hart Lane, every other week whilst Rafael van der Vaart is galvanising some other club with his superb work rate and excellent goals to games ratio. It’s a disturbing reality, I know. But shake off the concerns and be content that it’s not you experiencing it. Just another version of you. A depressive mess of a version. The poor bastard. Having to live with the misery of his club signing Joe Cole and not the Dutch maestro with the magical mojo.

Now we might be the ones living in the universe where Arsenal moved from Woolwich to North London (in that other one their bribes fell on deaf ears and they were never handed promotion to the first division post-war, just about survived financial melt-down and are currently third division – West Ham United are considered our main rivals...it’s a pretty f*cked up dimension for sure) but at least we’re not living in the one where Harry knocked back the chance to sign the Real Madrid ‘reject’.

For all of Joe Cole’s vision and touch there was always something dodgy about him for me. Five years back, the exact type of player we would have moved the earth to sign and fans would have been more than happy with it – but times have changed. We need something more than a luxury. Sure, he’s talented and on his day he can spark life into a team, but like most of the Tottenham teams in my generation, he’s inconsistent. Not the type of player who can play badly but still impact the game. Something Rafa can and has done for us.

Cole is a marquee player and in a side where everything clicks, he can get away with it. World class? Not quite. Doubt he ever had any intention of joining us and I do appreciate we got lucky with the vdV signing in that although the player was one we apparently looked at – he obviously wasn’t first choice.

Harry’s magic hug might have rubbed off positively on Cole in Lilywhite, we’ll never know. Not unless you happened to open up a worm hole and slide into that other universe where he stars for us in midfield along with Anton Ferdinand, rock in central defence and Andy Reid out on the left...because we can’t move him off the left he’s so f*cking fat. Doesn’t matter what universe you visit, there is no slim version.

At the time of writing, Rafa is 50/50 for the game against Liverpool and Cole is probably going to start on the bench. I think van der Vaart is still four weeks away from his best form for us. Couple of more pounds to lose, more work on stamina/fitness to be had. He’s doing everything he’s doing on 70%. Salivating at the prospect of him being fully fit in terms of physicality.

Regardless of my discounting of Cole and the fact that I genuinely believe that a full strength Spurs side with a new midfielder and striker (and go on then, a backup for the left-back position) would not be far off from something special – I still think we have one major bugbear to overcome.

Consistency.

We need it in abundance. Discount Cole, but discounting Liverpool would be dangerous. Shadow of the side from a couple of years back, but regardless of their ordinary workman type style, they still have one or two players of genuine quality. You know who. And we need to remember we’ve come unstuck against sides of lesser quality overall who have out worked us to claim the points.

Still, you know if Mark Lawernson isn’t backing his club this week, it’s not quite right at Anfield. I’ll be massively disappointed if we lose. vdV or no vdV I would like a DVD type performance, except with no actual release in the club shop on Monday week, because that would be unbecoming.

City are doing their best to encourage ourselves and Boltonlona. Time to place down that marker. If there has ever been a time to swagger and swashbuckle, this is it.

Hodgson might well set his team out to frustrate us. We have to show belief. I know, it's tiresome the amount of times we refer back to this belief thing, but if the players actually took time out - just for a moment - to grasp the fact they're actually pretty damn good we might see sustained confidence which will breed sustained consistency which would turn into mighty momentum.

Dawson not far off from returning. Lennon rediscovering lost form. Defoe back. Timing is perfect if we can make it count with points leading into the new year.

vdV is also, obviously, important to us. Winning without him in the side equally so.

Show some spirit and intent Tottenham.

Go for the jugular.

COYS, please.

NLD journal #2

We have missing players and I'm genuinely gutted because in an ideal world I'd love to see us play the scum with a full strength side with them lining up equally complete rather than having several key players missing. A ding dong derby it would be.

A lopsided derby on paper doesn't mean it should be discounted because as cited many times before, no matter the players (legal caveat: as long as the players actually form a cohesive unit as opposed to eleven randoms because that definitely does not work) there is no excuse that would be rendered acceptable unless 100% + blood + heart on sleeves is not applied across the ninety minutes plus stoppages.

I'm pretty sure I remember Zokora laughing at the final whistle whilst chatting to opposition players after a 3-0 spanking. This is unacceptable.

Forgetting to unscrew daft heads Worzel Gummidge style and replace them with intelligent ones. This would be unacceptable.

Capitulating off the back off one mistake. Unacceptable.

Playing passive non-effectual possession football (for an example re-watch recent 2-0 loss at Old Trafford). This would be hugely disappointing.

Harry for me has to avoid quirky experimental nonsense with his selection. Simply:

- Pick the strongest side from the pool of available players
- Play them in their best positions
- Man up

Then all that is required is (moon on a stick time) focus, belief and passion.

Focus. Concentrate, be ruthless and relentless in application and with intent. Hassle them and fight for the ball. Heads should never go down.

Belief. Confidence - if I could bottle and sell it, I'd be living in the Caribbean…having bought it and the surrounding waters with the revenue made. The scum have an unnerving arrogance about them. Their manager might be blind to everything else but he can see that if you have eleven players who care for nothing other than winning you'll half way to achieving it. However, would much prefer to achieve this without being moaning cheating hypocritical jumped up tw*ts, mirrored by their bland boring one dimensional fans (ooh, in there with the digs, zing).

Passion. The players only need to match the fire in the belly of the Spurs fans. That's enough. More than enough. Or failing that, just tell them if we lose the game they'll all be fined four weeks worth of wages.

All that probably wouldn't fit on a clipboard but I'm sure Harry would sum it all up by saying 'have a go at 'em, enjoy it, kick the ball with your feet' or words of similar standing.

It's Thursday. I'm still not nervous or particularly excited. I remain calm before what I hope will be the perfect storm.

More. Later.

Running the gauntlet

Unbeaten in 17 league and cup games at White Hot Lane. No Gomes or Moddle, hopefully the same team that played midweek with perhaps a Gallas debut for one of the changes (along with obviously CC in-between the sticks). JD - is he isn't he is he...having an op? I'd say get it done and dusted, three week lay-off - then he's got the rest of the (long) season to get on with finding the back of the net. Rather than risk any aggravation with his apparently not so important to have an op now injury. He's in the squad so I guess no decision has been made yet.

Honestly, even if Wigan parked the bus, we have enough about us to bulldoze through it. I'm not suggesting a repeat 9-1 performance. Having been spanked twice already this season I think Wigan will have just a little bit more about them, but then, it's all about the confidence, isn't it? If we come out all Spurs v Man City, then I expect a DVD sequel to be manufactured seconds after the final whistle and available in the Spurs Shop first thing Tuesday morning. If Wigan go with the physicality and try to stop start the game, we might require patience, and that might suit them more than it suits us if last seasons home defeat lessons are not fresh in our minds as unavoidable conclusions.

We'd have to be frustrated by them massively and like I said, I can't see it happening. Plucky fight from the visitors, 4-0 to us. Suicide watch if we somehow manage to lose.

Wigan park the bus...

I like this from the OS:

Roberto Martinez's men have kicked-off the campaign with 4-0 and 6-0 home losses against Blackpool and Chelsea respectively and return to the site of a 9-1 hammering last season.

But Gareth felt stepping back out at the Lane might just inspire the Latics. "They will be looking for revenge but we'll be ready for that and be prepared for it," he said.

"We know we can't underestimate Wigan. They've had a difficult start and had the result here last season but we'll be fully focused on doing our jobs and hopefully getting the win."

This inspires confidence. Unleash the beast. With an additional Hudd master-class. And I'll smile a mile wide into the bank holiday weekend.

Random time: Our next few games (excluding the Carling Cup) seems to be all about the 'W's.

Wigan. WBA. Werder Bremen. Wolves. West Ham. Five w's, five wins, yeah? Here's hoping.

Elsewhere, journalists take Avram Grants words, add a twist, and suggest Parker could well leave West Ham, so obviously this means he's joining us. Hopefully not. Fabiano is apparently too expensive. And that's just about it. And Ashley Young is again linked.

I'm still certain of two new arrivals to add to the Sandro signing. It's going to go down to the wire again. Because it's how we roll.

Match preview quickie

We all know how important today is. A win keeps us on the road to fourth and applies the pressure on the chasing pack. Yes, I know. We are depleted and from the looks of it without Dawson, Palacios and Huddlestone today...along with the usual suspects including the not far off from returning Lennon. I did have a dream last night that Woodgate announced his retirement, but hopefully the negatives will remain buried deep inside my subconscious.

Even with so many players out, some key, the spirit at Spurs is such that I'm quietly confident. April is meant to be the hellmouth month with the big 3 games not that far off, but I actually prefer us going into this month as underdogs, backs to the wall, fighting and kicking for our lives. We get to find out if we are good enough. Although the arguments about consolidating our squad depth in January (the fact we didn't) will no doubt resurface if we fail because the inconsistency of the balance of the side.

Tbh, I'm glad we face Arsenal, Chelsea and Utd. Massive games for every side. And if our lot are not motivated for these opponents, then playing CL football isn't even something that should be flirted with. But then, we've already had our hands down the panties of the Top 4, so I know - and you know - we are game on.

But Sunderland are up first, and we need to remain focused on the here and now.

What's that? Kaboul? In at the back alongside Bassong? Then again, Sunderland are jam-packed with players that were deemed not good enough for us (other than Steed who had his moments in Lilywhite). Bent is obviously going to do his bestest to stick two fingers up at us and Harry. Especially after his pen miss at the Lane. No doubt it will be frantic. Fingers crossed we stamp some of that swaggering quality on the game. Injuries? So what. There is still plenty there for us to claim the points.

COYS and all that jazz.

In-depth analysis on how to dis-mantle Pompey

Just turn up.

That's it. With no dis-respect meant for the crisis club, if we fail to pick up three points today we may as well hand in our resignation for entry into the Top 4. Their best player is Jamie O'Hara who is not eligible to play against us. Done and dusted then, right? FA Cup semi-final dress rehearsal at the ready.

I genuinely can't see anything other than a massive win for us.

Which is probably the reason that even though everything is screaming 'TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR TO WIN EASILY', I'm still sort of nervous. Does Avram Grant have keys to a bus?

Sebastien Bassong (ankle), Wilson Palacios (adductor) and the sassy Roman Pavlyuchenko (hamstring) are doubts. Not heard anything about 50/50 Defoe as of yet, but would be (pleasantly) shocked to see him on the bench. Corluka is definitely out. Not sure if that means Kaboul will slot into the right-back position as Walker (Kyle) is injured and hasn't been anywhere first team selection anyway. Staggering how depleted we always seem to be and yet we can still do a job on the opposition. Love it.

Not sure there's much more to say. Play like we did against Fulham second half, that sort of tempo, and we'll have a field day. If Pompey put up strong, defend in numbers then as long as we are patience and don't fall into a frustration trap we'll see it through.

Every game now is of vital importance. Have to aim to win all of them regardless of the opposition.

More later this evening on the aftermath, Sandro signing, Thomas Hitzlsperger and Daniel Levy's comments on 'our progress'. Stay tuned.

Time to recall Robbie Keane (cough)

If we lose because we fail to defend a Delap throw and a Stoke player headers/bundles the ball in…I'll be gutted. If Palacios and Modric don't soak up the physicality and in-yer-face tempo of their midfield and fail to control and boss the park…I'll be gutted. If Roman fails to make a goal-scoring impact and wastes glorious chance after chance…I'll be gutted. If Bale isn't destroying the flank, powering past opponents…I'll be gutted.

0 points? Gutted. 1 point? Gutted.

Three points? Gutted. Yes, gutted. I want us to not just beat Stoke but to beat them so badly, so emphatically, we're awarded an extra two points just to back away from their bloody broken body. I want them decimated. Smashed up. Ruined.

Wolves. 6 points lost. Stoke. 6 points lost? No thank you very much, no sir, no way.

This isn't a personal thing against Stoke. I actually don't mind them. They don’t annoy me, not really. It was more our fault than there's that we failed to break them down at the Lane earlier this season. Can't expect sides to just play open football because we do. Yeah sure, they've got that cheeky long throw tactic, but they can sometimes play a bit too. Teams with lesser quality always seem to be able to produce massive dollops of effort that can sometimes cause sticky moments for the opposing team visiting their humble home. Opposing teams, regardless of their superior quality on paper, sometimes fail to match the tenacity of the effort a Stoke City possess.

i.e. Tottenham.

People cite our erratic away form. Like the oracle of football predictions, Mark Lawrenson, who has us pegged down to lose 2-1 because he is not convinced by our travels, even though we are 4th and have gained 20 points away from home. Still plenty of improvement can be had, which I suppose can be roughly translated as Spurs being a tad inconsistent. And there are some who are nervous about tomorrow because Stoke will show us no respect and go for our jugular, expecting and forcing a text-book powder-puff collapse from us. Because it's happened before. Wolves away, which was the type of depressing performance that is detrimental to all the positive progression we've made this season.

But as we enter the final 9 games, there is no room for these negatives. These ready-made excuses.

So screw Lawro and stick it up your bollocks if you're not ripping the shirt of your back and slow-clapping 'Oh when the Spurs go marching in…' come Saturday afternoon.

What's that? Defoe has torn his hamstring? Out for a few weeks? Er...oh…fuck. Really? Injured? Christ. Those sonsofbitches footballing Gods have hit the target again. They aim for the most important, most vital of Spurs players and strike them down. Gomes, Woodgate, Modric, Lennon, Huddlestone and now Defoe. Backbone players. All with spells out this term. Add King who can only ever play the equivalent of half a season anyway, and it's enough to bring on an epic twitch spasm.

No idea where the Jenas injury fits in with the above. What's that? A voice in my head? Calling out for JJ? Sad sad times.

And yet we've somehow managed to dig deep and get through it all. But is this now one injury too far? A cruel twist so close to seasons end.

Roman, Crouch, Eidur (yes really)…your time is now. Take down Stoke. Decimate. Smash up. Ruin.

Sigh.

Who am I kidding?

If we score in the 93rd minute, deflected shot off someone's bum having been dominated for 92 minutes, and win it 1-0, I'll gleefully accept the undeserved/lucky three points and move on. One game at a time.

Time to recall Robbie Keane then.

What? He can't be recalled? Celtic have his registration? Bless 'em. At least there's some good news that's come out of today.

COYS

Big Sam, little impact

From an interview, Sam Allardyce (continuing his war of words with Rafa), states the following gem whilst discussing Liverpool:

"The last time one of the big four didn't finish in the top four it was Liverpool - Everton got that spot - and I think this time it looks pretty difficult having lost against Wigan.

"They are having to rely on other teams slipping up now.

"They have a wealth of experience and that may be a telling factor when the nerve ends start jangling. We saw what happened to Tottenham a few years ago with the famous 'poisoned lasagne' scenario - which was obviously never the case - and they let it slip"

What was never the case? The fact that several of our players, ghost white in colour, left their vomit all over the pitch at Upton Park? Or was that just down to the occasion? The ear-bleeding inducing reaction from the locals singing that one same dreary song over and over and over again. Or perhaps the players having epiphanies that we had no right to gate-crash the CL and nerves got the better of them, with diarrhoea decimating our hopes and dreams, which had both left the ground before kick-off hand-in-hand to go fetch their shinebox.

Nice dig there Sam. Subtle, sort of blink and you'll miss it though. I read it on Team Talk. By accident. Not exactly back page banter. I guess too busy with your man-crush on Rafa to fully concentrate on ye old Tottenham and try and stir things up properly post-match.

Shame on me for getting all Bruce Banner there for a minute almost turning a shade of green (green because I'm citing the anger of Banner turning into the Hulk rather than going green from eating a dodgy lasagne or catching the Norovirus - just thought I'd clarify that to avoid any unnecessary confusion).

Whilst on the subject - It's far more media-friendly and joke-friendly to tag the whole incident as food poisoning even though the hotel in question was cleared - which I guess is what Sam is referencing there, bit like saying 'if its not food poisoning then its down to nothing more than bottling it on the day'. Miss Marplesque deduction.

Smash them to pieces I say.

Regardless of the dig, it's only going to rile up a couple of fans and will hardly do any psychological damage to Harry and the players, considering that game happened way way back in 2006. Big Sam, little impact.

Smash them to pieces anyway.

Hit them hard, like an Opus dropped on your head. Talking of books (I'm so smooth), something not so heavy but possibly as good a read (and far more affordable) - make sure you check out Spurs' Cult Heroes - the first published book from All Action No Plot blogger and writer Michael Lacquiere. I'll give it a proper review when I get my copy delivered. Be sure to check it out anyway, available from the Spurs official site, WHSmith, Amazon, Tesco, Waterstones and Play…to name a few. Shop around.

Blanchflower, Mackay, Jones, Chivers, Gilzean, Jennings, Hoddle, Perryman, Greaves, Mabbut, Ginola, Nicholson, Gazza…list is endless. Well, it's not exactly endless because he'd never have been able to get the book out, but its jam-packed with legends. We've had one or two special players in our history, not bad for a ickle club.

Time for a cuppa.

Attack attack attack

Another weekend is upon us and the sudden realisation that this season is almost over saddens me. A little. Obviously there's the World Cup to help us all through the summer months. No doubt there will be plenty of emotion, heartache and headaches as we work our way through yet more quarter-final penalty torment before the pain is compounded further with the drivel that will no doubt surround us then drown us, concerning potential transfers to Spurs, in and out. And may God have mercy on message boards everywhere if Harry goes to jail/gets sacked.

But the fat lady has yet to arrive on location, let alone be introduced on stage.

There's still the matter of 10 league games to battle through and a potential semi-final date at Wembley if we professionally dismantle the challenge of Fulham in the replay.

Very unlike Spurs to be in on two fronts this close to the end. Actually, that's unfair. We've reached two cup finals in recent years, won one of them and it was only five years ago that David Dein broke into the Marriott hotel and injected our players with the Norovirus. Only jesting there David (and solicitors), only jesting.

So here we go again, this time, the only runs I want to know about are the ones made by our galloping players, swaggering with intent and purpose, chasing every point like our lives depend on it. Blackburn at home. It's vital. It's three points that can not be defaulted. And I don't think we'll be let down.

The FA cup game is a couple of weeks away, so there is no immediate distraction. As for our injured players, whispers of Huddlestone and Bentley to return and Lennon is not quite ready but looking good as he regains his fitness. Regardless of our lack of depth in and around the CM area, we can still muddle through, with Moddle in the middle and Niko out on the right with Bale slotting into left-mid (and BAE back in the left-back position).

If Bentley and Hudd do return, we can resort back to the standard line-up - with the only selection headache for Harry being the one on the left. Bale or BAE? The former please. Bale is undroppable at the moment and as consistent and reliable as BAE has been - he doesn't quite offer the beast power of Bale.

Liverpool obviously are the favourites for 4th, what with Rafa guaranteeing it - we still need to stay ahead of Villa and City and Everton shouldn't be ignored. We play City in what will be an epic (for the two of us) and then there's the small matter of the re-arranged NLD which might have earth-shattering consequences for the both of us.

10 games left. Still in the cup. Still in for 4th. A shed-load to look forward to. Starting with a lunchtime kick-off with Rovers visiting the Lane. Win and we stay fourth. COYS.

City go to Sunderland, Everton have a tricky game at St Andrews and Liverpool play Pompey on Monday with Villa away to Wigan on Tuesday. We face Chimbonda and Big Sam's silky Blackburn unit who sexualise play to euphoric panty-wetting standards each time they step onto the field of play.

I'll say it again, COYS.

More later.

Fulham v Spurs - It's Actually Massive

by guest blogger Chrisman

I’m going to lay it on the line here – The F.A. Cup QF against Fulham will be a cracker. It might not have loads of goals, and we might not get either of the results that we want, but it will be good. It will be a rarity – a game between two PL teams desperately wanting to win. And two teams quite reasonably believing they can win.

Roy Hodgson is a manager that I love listening to. He is almost the polar opposite of Harry in his handling of the media. Hodgson will openly, and often quite savagely ridicule the interviewer and his questions. ‘Roy, surely this is a must win game?’ he will be asked. His reply will be something along the lines of ‘Well, what happens if we don’t win? Does the season end? Will Fulham FC automatically self-destruct? Of course we want to win, but no, it’s not a must win’. You can tell he absolutely hates the cliché driven style of football in the British media, and he won’t even play lip service to it. Harry, on the other hand, revels in it.

Both men are actually very similar. The difference in their personas is directly due to the fact that Hodgson has spent the best part of 30 years in management outside England. To a total foreigner coming here, the way the ‘media circus’ exists will be a source of amusement, bafflement and eventual indifference. But because Hodgson is English, and he understands it a bit more, he’s visibly disgusted by it. He doesn’t even make an effort to conceal his total contempt for it. Old Harry, however, doesn’t have that luxury. He has had to play the game over the last 20 years, and he’s played it pretty well. He is so well versed in cliché speak that it’s actually very difficult to tell what he is thinking, about anything, ever. But one thing is certain, and it’s one thing that Harry’s cliché speak and Hodgson’s cynicism cannot overpower – The F.A Cup is a trophy both of these men are still desperate to win.

There won’t be any resting players, no saving it for the league – with 3 of the traditional big 4 already out, this is probably the best chance either team has had of winning the trophy for quite a while. It’s the business end of the tournament, and it’s 2 men at the business end of their careers. Expect both teams to give everything on behalf of the managers and fans.

Pavlyuchenko remains the key man for Spurs. If he plays as well as he has done, we have a great chance. With Defoe probably out, you feel Pav has to score if we are to get a result. And with Huddlestone out, a huge amount of responsibility falls on Modric, and to a lesser extent Kranjcar. Playing against a Fulham midfield that is likely to include Murphy, Gera, Davies and maybe Greening could be a blessing. They have a lot of ball players and not a lot of horsepower in their midfield, which should suit us if we are to play Modric in the middle. Conversely, the battering ram approach of Zamora should suit Dawson’s style. Gomes is going to have to have another good game if we are going to get a result. More of his heroics from the league visit to Craven Cottage are pretty essential.

It’s also to be expected that Smalling and Hangeland won’t have too much trouble dealing with a ‘direct’ approach. What we need is Pav coming deep and linking up with Modric and Kranjcar. If the 3 of them hit it off, we could, against all odds, win the game. If we were to do that, without Defoe and Huddlestone in the team, I think that will give the lads a pretty significant confidence boost for the rest of the season. What’s more likely is a hard fought score draw, then back to the lane for another classic night of mayhem.

Excitement building already. With the battle for the top 4 taking all our attention, this has almost approach unnoticed. But it’s here, an F.A. Cup Quarter Final, and a London Derby to boot. Sexual Chocolate.