Dear Mr Levy...Job well done?

The Tapestry - Part I

Dear Mr Levy,

Man City at the Lane tomorrow, and then that's your lot. Other than the minor visit to Anfield the following week we can finally say goodbye to another travesty of a season.

I'm being a little too harsh, aren't I? It's not quite been a travesty, though arguably, digging up the body of Stan Laurel, reanimating him and then placing him in charge of first team affairs would have been significantly better and more productive than placing your hopes on Juande Ramos to get his selection and tactics spot on.

Harry Redknapp's arrival and subsequent Houdini act is not as tricky a task as he would like us all to believe. It wasn't even a masterstroke appointment from your good self was it? Harry was the only real candidate as another continental coach was never going to be an option after the Ramos debacle and there was no obvious ex-legend to come and do the job (and that's never actually worked before). Had to be an English manager. Had to be someone who could hit the ground running. Had to be a back to basics appointment. Had to be Redknapp.

Director of football. Ironic that this is the sole reason behind the failure to build on two 5th spot finishes. Not that we ever looked likely to finish 4th in the second season thanks to the fact that we never quite replaced Carrick. The DoF was responsible for the sudden urgency to replace Jol with a more experienced coach to further elevate us towards the Top 4. And yet why, after so many barren years, did we have to suddenly get ahead of ourselves when it was obvious our 'success' in those two seasons had a lot to do with the fact that Arsenal had suffered a slight blip which saw us sit in fourth spot for four months. Comolli decided Jol could not take us any further. Added to the mix, was the mess that Dimitar Berbatov was making, requesting a transfer a season into his contract. Disruptive player, disruptive board room. Jol had no chance to continue on his learning curve. Because you and the board deemed that patience was no longer a virtue. And that was that. The rest is history which ended with two points from eight games. That’s two league points from eight Prem games. II from VIII. 2 from 8. Two points from a possible twenty four points from eight games, meaning not a single win from opening said eight games. Two from eight. 2 -8, 2-8, 2-8, 2-8, 2-8, 2-8.

Two from eight.

Step in everyone's favourite escapologist and let the re-birth begin. Which it did. And apart from the odd stutter away from home, it's been a dizzying climb to within touching distance of 7th spot including a stunning home record (just nine goals conceded all season). All this from certain relegation, as believed by many during those early season months anchored to the mire, which saw our only victory come away to Walthamstow (a 3-1 win).

Modric has been a resounding success, adapting to the English game after a new lease of life from Harry, sticking him out on the left and allowing him to float inwards to dictate play. Lennon has reclaimed past form and is beginning to add a little end product to his game. And Palacios was an inspired signing. A player that this club has lacked for several years. So kudos to Comolli for Luka, one of very few bright moments that the Frenchman gave us. In fact, kudos to Harry and the players for stepping it up and taking responsibility, leaving relegation behind for others to worry about. Kudos to you (yes to you Mr Chairman) for the re-development plans of White Hart Lane. Although I'll take some of that back if you end up selling the naming rights for the new ground to Nintendo with Mario looking down at me from the east, standing on a ball in place of the cockerel, as I take my seat in the Cookie Mountain stand. Although I'm quite partial to having Donkey Kong replace Chirpy.

But this is not a letter of commendation. I'm not here to pat you on the back. I'm here to keep you on your toes so that you aim to excel. Because there is plenty to be critical of and plenty of mistakes made that must not be repeated. And one or two other curious hiccups that require a sharp cold glass of water.

2 from 8.

I'm here to mull over the tapestry of naivety that plights your governance of the Lilywhites. I decided to write to you after I watched you have breakfast in your home. You seem to be a little too relaxed for my liking. Walking around in a robe and slippers watching Desperate Housewives. Man up for God's sake and watch The Wire. You have to be ruthless and perceptive at all times, and not allow yourself to display signs of weakness. That's why I'm here. I'll do what I can do help you. But, the games out there, and it's play or get played. That simple.

There's a lot I can see from the shrubbery in your garden with a Bushnell Elite 8x43. It's got 90% light transmission with premium BaK-4 roof prisms with a majestic PC-3® phase coating producing outstanding image clarity and contrast. I can see you bite into your Crunchy Nuts and thanks to the voice-activated credit card transmitter carefully hidden in your kitchen, I can also hear every word spoken and every egg cracked and solider dipped. By the way, please refrain from singing Kelly Clarkson songs whilst washing up. It's wrong. You look like a slightly melon collie Dr Evil drowning a screeching cat.


So, onto the tapestry. Let's begin our journey...


TO BE CONTINUED IN PART II

The 'tapestry' will cover the following topics:

• The Aftermath of the Berbatov Saga
• David Bentley
• Jenas
• Re-signing ex-players
• The Opus
• Harry Redknapp
• The Summer Transfer Window

Stay tuned.

Done and Dusted

It’s a tradition for me to dress up on the final home game of the season to further highlight and bring exposure to my crusade against Levy’s incompetent reign as chairman - and this year was no different. In the past I have been naked (more of a dress down there), and chained to a turnstile. Last season I was kitted out as Harry Hotspur, in armour with plastic inflatable sword. But this season I went beyond the call of duty. I shaved my head, stuck on a pair of glasses, a suit and wore a mouth mask which allowed for the illusion of a permanent smug smile. Monopoly money stuffed in pockets and lettering on the back of my jacket stating: PLEASE BUY THE OPUS, NEED MONEY FOR CAVIAR ADDICTION. As I skipped down the High Road, I randomly jumped out in front of Spurs fans shouting:

“I’m ripping you off!”
“10% rise on your season ticket”
“Renewal by the deadline otherwise you’re banned for life”
“The bagels are never fresh”
“New stadium, are you ‘aving a laugh….is he ‘aving a laugh?”
“Let’s ground share with West Ham!”

Yes, tonight Matthew, I’m going to be…..Daniel Levy.

Within twenty minutes of arriving at the Park Lane end of the ground, I was jumped by a group of Spurs fans who were also in fancy dress. I got a taste of Levy’s abject existence if he was to relegate himself from the high life and interact with the common man as I lay on the floor like a hedgehog all curled up and motionless while Ali G, Indiana Jones, a Roman centurion and a fat bloke in sandals kicked the shit out of me. And I allowed it. I allowed it as a testament of my loyalty to my campaign to oust the chairman. Yes, they were kicking and punching me. But in essence that was Levy on the ground begging for mercy. I made myself into a living breathing visual statement of his mis-management and ordinary salt of the earth Spurs fans instinctively reacted by beating me up. As they walked away laughing, with other fans having witnessed the incident, I knew the impact made had far reaching implications. By the time you read this the video will up on Youtube and thousands will see what I created. Levy defeated by fans.

Once I dusted myself off and walked through the turnstiles, nobody took much notice of my costume. They just assumed I was a git. I burnt my season ticket in the men’s bog. Nobody noticed. And when I took my seat, people were far too busy reading the new kits catalogue because the club knows we all want to spend loads and loads of our hard earned money on a new kit and training jacket just before we spend over £600 on a new season ticket.

The game itself was a joke. But then every single match since the Cup final, bar the 4-4 draw with Chelsea (although our defending for all of their goals was poor) has been nigh shambolic. We haven’t had a decent full 90 minutes since we lifted that piece of silverware at Wembley. Now, it’s difficult to gauge whether the teams performance in the league is down to bad management on the part of Ramos and Poyet or laziness on the part of the players. You could even argue that Ramos hasn’t achieved anything in the league, with regards to progression and development and style of play. We have looked lethargic and soft for months now. Is it because more than half the players are on their way out of the club? If so, why not play more youngsters? Maybe our first-teamers don’t think they need to bother trying week in week out knowing they had UEFA Cup football next season all sorted. Why should they when they get paid no matter what?

It’s akin to you or me getting up for work in the morning, getting to our desk and then proceeding to do nothing all day other than browse the net on forums and day dream and then disappear for two hours at lunch, browsing cd’s at HMV - and still get paid your wages, and when someone questions your effort you say, “Well I turned up, didn’t I? What else do you want?”

£20,000 - £50,000 some of them pick up for doing fuck all. What a hard life. What a struggle. Lennon wasn’t anywhere near the squad on Sunday. Apparently out drinking in Loughton the previous night, he was spotted in his Ferrari leaving WHL just after 2pm. I’m guessing he had an eyebrow appointment he just couldn’t cancel. From the looks of Jenas in the first half I’m thinking he also spent Saturday night in Loughton boozing it up. No pace in midfield and no spark upfront. And Dawson in defence. It’s what nightmares are made of. Dawson and his England aspirations are always good for a laugh. Too many of our players open their mouths and talk far too often about what they want to be achieving when in reality it’s just not going to happen. Delusions of grandeur on and off the pitch. Liverpool were nothing special, bar Gerrard and Torres. But we had no equivalents to inspire something out of nothing like they so easily did.

Instead we got Berbatov doing his utmost to do nothing, making sure no last gasp injury would ruin a move away to Italy or Spain or Chelsea (there, I said it). He hardly tracked back or closed down (something that Fergie wouldn’t stand for). Everyone else was just as poor. Based on this season as a whole I’d keep Keane (fantastic goal scoring record), Woodgate, O’Hara (decent enough squad player), Hutton and Steed. King looks like he’s sticking around unless the doctors say otherwise during the summer months, but everyone else is dead weight.

Once Bale is back and Modric is settled, the escape from this bland abyss of shit will be truly complete if we can avoid any traditional Comolli signings (i.e. Zokora, Kaboul) and bring in players that are actually capable of giving something back. I say that every year, so history would suggest we are screwed. Again.

Talking of signings, maybe someone from the club can explain why Gunter wasn't involved more after the Cup final (is he injured?) and as for Gil- the best is yet come -berto, awful.......just awful awful awful.

Highlights of the game included a brawl in the East Stand between supporters. No idea if it was Liverpool fans in amongst our own, or the usual in-house fighting over much ado about nothing. Loads of punches thrown, kicking to the floor, pushing and goading. Must have been another Daniel Levy look-a-like at the centre of it. An other brother on a mission. Not a single police officer in sight during all this high drama. Just bewildered stewards watching on in fear. The police were all too busy at the various tube stations in London due to us, West Ham and Chelsea playing at home. The brawl was followed by coin/programme throwing at one of the executive boxes (just above where the trouble was) which had Liverpool fans in it. Classy stuff there lads. Especially as one of the Liverpool fans was about ten years old. The events at the JJB and Stamford Bridge were getting more cheers than anything happening on the pitch. Dire stuff all round. The sun was wasting its shine on our lot.

So that’s it. End of the season. The true test of Ramos managerial skills will run the gauntlet from the first game of the 2009 season. Apart from the Cup run we haven’t shown any evidence of improvement. There has been no swagger since last season’s exploits, nothing to match the UEFA Cup run. This years effort was abysmal, a continuous struggle from one game to the next.

From the moment that the club decided to get rid of Jol and decided that doing it publicly would be the best route to go down, we haven’t fully recovered. There have been moments. We have entertained. Scored a ton of goals and conceded us many. There’s been plenty of positives, but far too many depressing negatives. 30% of all goals conceded have come from outside the box is one of my personal favs, especially when Fulham are send in that table with just 14%. Getting rid of Robinson should save us about 18 points.

I can only hope that the reason we have been so poor is because so many players know their future is away from the club. Robinson has dyed his hair blond. Highlight of the season for him (ooh pun). He got a rousing ‘England’s number one’ during the lap of honour. It felt like the singing faithful knew this would be the last time we would see him as a Spurs player so they choose to remember better times. He waved. All very low key. Much like Berbatov’s wave as his name was sang out. All the best in the Champions League.

The 4-4 Villa draw, the 5-1, the Reading 6-4, the Cup final. It’s been a bit mad.

We’ve also gone from having a steady reliable defence (the two Jol years) to having one that just can’t defend at all. A return to the status quo then. Our home record has gone to shit. We still can’t take set pieces (apart from O’Hara corners) and still can’t kill teams off.

It’s unfair (repeating myself) to be critical of Ramos. He managed a win over Arsenal. Jol never did. We didn’t choke in either of those semi-finals and held our nerve to beat Chelsea in the final. Disappointingly, we failed in Europe – but too often this was down to the players rather than the tactics. At least that’s what I prefer to believe at the moment.

Ramos has done a damage limitation job. He has assessed the squad and from the looks of it has been winding down the season because there is nothing more for him to learn about the current batch. He has done a decent job considering that the season was practically lost when he joined (the league push for Europe was dead). Regardless of Kaboul’s rant about how we would have won the Cup with Jol in charge. We would not have won it under Jol. He had his chance the previous season.

Robinson, Lee, Kaboul, Chimbonda, Tainio, Stalteri, Cerny, Rocha (does he even exist?), Gardner, Boateng, Ghaly and Berbatov will all be gone. The other rumour is that Defoe’s transfer to Pompey included a deal that will allow Diarra to join Spurs. Arsenal wouldn’t sell him to Spurs but whether he was bought by Harry with the intention of allowing Spurs to ‘swap’ him for Defoe or that it’s just turned out that way is up to your own imagination. Defoe has apparently cost Pompey just £3M. Would explain Diarra’s ‘stepping stone’ comment 5 minutes after signing for them. Although with Pompey in a proper Cup final and above us in the Prem, it’s not so much a stepping stone but more of a trip into a muddy puddle.

Seville had a swagger about them under Ramos. I’ll be happy if we can have a bit of that about us again. And another 5th spot finish would make up for a truly unspectacular 11th.

As I left the ground, with a summer of Englandless football to look forward too, one thing sat in my mind as I contemplated next season…………will my hair grow back? That and……Here we go again.

Season 2007 Review

Spurs fans, on certain related forums, have been rather critical recently, citing that I am being unreasonable and harsh and that I should take the following into perspective before I slag off the board and manager:

- Two Cup quarter finals and One Cup semi final

- 5th place (our highest ever Premier League finish)

- 5th for second successive season after: 14th, 11th, 10th, 12th, 9th, 10th, 14th and 9th.

- 104 goals scored: 22 to Keane, 23 to Berbatov, 18 to Defoe

- Financially stable

- Much loved manager at the helm

"We're the best of the rest but we want more" says the much loved manager that seems to have the support of everyone at the club.

Well, congratufuckinlations. Don't be too surprised if I don't camp outside the Spurs Shop for 12 hours to be the first in line to purchase a "5th is the new 4th" limited edition t-shirt.

Do you sheep know that if we had beaten Watford away and also picked up more points against Reading and Sheffield United we would have claimed 4th spot? That's the fine line that I keep harping on about. One that the blind Levy and Jol seem to miss when its stared them in the eyes, not just once but twice. One that I'm sure, had Santini been given time, would have comfortably navigated to help us reach the Champions League.

Last season we competed for 4th spot, sat in 4th spot for four months, then watched all the hard work go down the pan with half the stomach contents of our players. But looking at last season more closely, you could argue that had we not lost a whole host of points in the last minute of several games (WHU at home, Sunderland away, Fulham away....to name a few) we would have claimed 4th spot well before the last game of the season. With the money spent by the club, I expect us to be challenging. Not sympathetically lagging behind as a mere after thought on the league season, so be it a sexy one just because we scored a ton. We also only managed to claim 6 clean sheets. Why don't we get to see that stat sang from the terraces? Well?

Spurs have to remove the dead wood from the club. I'm talking about Danny Murphy and Mido and players who are not good enough or simply redundant to the cause. Yes, thats you Gardner. I know you read this blog. You're a decent young lad with a sharp dress sense, but you run like an amputated deer with an anal plug up its arse. Mido, well its well documented that he likes his recreational activities. Fine if you are Tony Soprano, not so good if you're a professional footballer. Murphy has to be the worst transfer in recent history, far eclipsing the scandalous removal of Andrew Reid from our club.

Once the clear-out is complete, we then need to purchase a left-back and left-winger. Also a central defender and possibly another midfielder. In addition, Defoe may be sold which means we need to look at another potential striker. I'll cover this area in the next blog entry in far more detail.

As for the season of 2007? It was a case of nearly there. Again. Choking when it mattered, twice against Chelsea in the FA Cup and against Arsenal at home (Milk Cup) and in the Prem. Sometimes I wonder what happens during our half-time team talks. Do we indulge in some of Amsterdam's finest weed? Does the home changing room have a selection of kamers? Whatever happens in there, its quite obvious its not working.

Several players have had their first season at the club. Zokora, Berbatov, Chimbonda, Steed etc. But knowing Levy and his tactics, he will once more shine the light of false hope in our eyes as he brings in major signing after major signing that will actually force us down the road of transition again as the team gels. He'll do it because it works well on the euphoric level, inducing pre-season excitement of the highest order.

For me, it's simple. The player positions I highlighted earlier have to be filled by ready-made world class players who don't need time to adapt. Otherwise, the blood of the cockerel is on your hands Daniel as you once more lead us towards the hellmouth of fox hell.

Right, lets get down to the scoring:

Robbo
6/10

The Elvis Presley of the team. Brilliant start to his (Spurs) career. Reached the top of his game, loved and adored and could do no wrong. Sadly, like Elvis, he piled on the weight and although I don't expect him to die on a toilet anytime soon, I also don't envisage people visiting Robbo's house in the way of a pilgrimage. Has to go back to looking lean and mean, which should help his general battle against gravity.

Chimbonda
8/10

Wears gloves whatever the weather. Apparently wants to join Arsenal. Pleasantly surprised he didn't hand in his transfer after the home win against City. Top draw player with a highly dubious haircut.

Lee
6/10

Don't be fooled by the score. He gets a 6 because he has played well beyond what his abilities suggest he is capable of. However, he is not the answer to the left hand side and remains another Levy albatross. Bought simply to appease the Asian market and make money on shirt sales.

Stalteri
7/10

Hardly a key player and hardly played. But scores 7 points for dicking West Ham United in the epic 4-3 win. The fact that he cost us Champions League football last season and yet is still employed by the club is criminal. We have lost millions in revenue and the prestige of playing in top flight European football because he has the concentration span of a goldfish. Should be deported back to Canada.

King
9/10

Injury hit season. But still remains a colossus when he wears the lilywhite. If it was up to Levy he would have sold him to Chelsea or Arsenal for £20M a season or two ago. Lucky that King remains a rarity in the modern game. A player who remains loyal to the club he loves. Ledders is my bloodbrother. The epitome of a 'Dear Mr Levy' letter in skin and bones. A permanent two fingers up at the money men in suits.

Dawson
9/10

The make-weight in the Andrew Reid deal. Was meant to be an injury prone player. Looks daft but held the defence on his shoulders when King was out injured. Sadly, when Robbo got on his back, he collapsed. Still, a unsung hero. Berbatov will get the glory because he scores goals. Defending isn't as sexy and Daws isn't sexy, but he's a grafter.

Gardner
0/10

Out of his depth. Another season and he will have his testimonial against Barnet. Isn't it about time we farmed him out to Upton Park?

Assou-Ekotto
5/10

One trick pony. He does this turn one way then go the other that somehow always tricks the idiot player who is running towards him. Another injury hit player. A lighter skinned Thimothee Atouba but just not as entertaining.

Ifil
3/10

Another player who needs to go to Upton Park or possibly Birmingham. They took Stephen Kelly. I'm sure we can con them again. That Steve Bruce, awful awful manager.

Rocha
6/10

Uncertain of his quality. Has shown some signs of being a decent squad player. However his clearance in the semi-final was comical. Not much more to say.

Zokora
5/10

Diabolical. World Cup player who cant control the ball and enjoys the odd dive like his mate Drogba. I am not convinced of his ability. However, its his first season. So I will give him another year before sending him stink bombs. Dynamic direct runs with no end result are not enough to make up for the £8M spent on him.

Jenas
4/10

Levy's poster boy. He's like some kind of robotic baby doll that you find in Hamleys. Talk to it and it reacts in a positive way wanting to be hugged and making cute little noises as it smiles and plays. Ignore it or scream and shout and it poops itself. Jenas is a player with immense ability.
LOL, had you going there for a moment. I have no idea what he does. Yes, he scores goals from midfield. Yes he has moments of holding onto the ball, but other than that.....what does he do?

Tainio
4/10

Terrible. Cant pass and cant tackle that well. Looking tenacious and lacking skill isn't the same as being tenacious and having skill. Obviously. Funny how I can see that but Jol can't. TT is what Roy Keane would have been if had been born in Finland and was shit at football.

Murphy
2/10

The 'Heavens Gate' of transfers. Scored the two points simply because of his wife, the wonderfully lovely Joanna Taylor. She's lush. Murphy himself is the definitive tv player. Looks good for 20 minutes on the box and people think he plays like that every week. Not even sure he's turned up for many movie premiers either.

Huddlestone
7/10

The Future. A black Incredible Hulk without the weakness of turning into a weedy white man. Sublime passer of the ball. Over played and over used to the point of being drained out due to lack of quality elsewhere in the squad. A member of the Bling Squad. I'm hoping once he gets his England call up (for the first team) he'll gently inform Aaron that hos and bitches are no longer his priority. Questionable dress sense, but then do you wanna tell him?

Malbranque
6/10

A player most fans of other clubs rate and would love to have him in their team, yet we manage to make him look ordinary. Hoping he will settle into the team next season, managerial tactics permitting. Maybe his big cock has given him a balance issue. Should tuck it in under rather than to the left or right. Thats what I do.

Lennon
6/10

Great start to the season, and faded faster than a double shot he consumes when he's out and about with his Bling Squad. And I know because he has dissed me on a number of occasions. Too cool to sign autographs are you Aaron? Ignore my offer of chips Aaron? Don't want to share a cab with me Aaron? Modern day players are so detached from the common man.

Ghaly
2/10

A pawn in Levy's game of chess. Apparently has since stated he wants to play for a big team. Does he not know he IS at a big team? Not relevant anyway as he has no skill to play for us, so its doubtful he can play for anyone else in the Prem. Villa, maybe.

Tarrabt
8/10

Wonderful trickery to win the freekick that allowed Berbs to destroy West Ham with. A ginger Zidane. Quite possibly a £40M player in our ranks. Our own Leo Messi for sure.

Mido
1/10

Monumental disappointment. Just don't understand it. Why on earth did we not allow him to join Man City? The one time Levy can redeem himself and possibly get some form of credit he pulls the plug.

Defoe
7/10

Hasn't improved as a player for several years now. Runs, smacks 'em in. But has little footballing intelligence. Possibly a woman in a mans body because he still has problems getting to grips with the offside rule. You'd think we would help develop his movement wouldn't you? Top class player who will no doubt destroy our defence when we sell him to a rival club and he scores a brace against us.

Keane
9/10

Impish brilliance. And along with King has to be the first player in the starting line-up. Probably the best Irish player since Georgie Best.

Berbatov
14/10

Stick it up your c*nts, everyone who screamed REBROV when we signed this Bulgarian loveheart. Sexy, sublime, classy. Impact on club is almost Klinsmannesque. Question to be asked is......will Levy look to cash in? The man has to have a team built around him. Berbs must understand he is at a big club already. Just one that has shriveled in the freezing cold of a long long winter, longing for a warm loving touch. We simply need a hand-job to erect ourselves to a girth big enough to push aside the lips of 4th and 3rd place and then strike forward to the g-spot of 1st. Berbs is the man to give us that epiclyptic orgasm of glory.

Martin Jol
6/10

Strange substitutions and tactical decisions leave me wondering whether we should have gone for Big Sam. 3-1 up at Stamford Bridge, and we let it slip to 3-3. Several times we have struggled away from home, almost playing apologetic football (akin to 4 years ago). Big and cuddly, for sure. But does he have the killer touch? Can he turn us into a ruthless machine? I want to see you bitch and complain and bully refs and play mental mind games with other managers. Start believing you are Billy Big Balls. Make the players play each game like its against Arsenal. Actually, scrap that. We'd be relegated by Christmas. Play every game like its an FA Cup final. Remember them?

Next year, 4th spit is imperative and nothing less will do. Oh, and a cup. The UEFA Cup will do now that Seville will probably be in the Champions League we should win that comfortably. And the League Cup. I want the League Cup too. Rise to the occassion Martin. Otherwise the next time you take to the mic it will be at the Comedy Club.

Damien Comolli
6/10

Wasn't responsible for 'scouting' and 'selecting' Berbatov. A former gooner and thus far some rather curious signings. Most of them tend to be young lads who we wont see for several years, obviously depending on whether they even make it to the first team. Has this summer to prove his worth to the club.

Daniel Levy
4/10

Its groundhog day with him at the helm. We are fast becoming a '5th place club'. His playboy lifestyle along with his arrogance mean that we will always float around 5th place due to his lack of focus and sometimes almost strategic mistakes. Still no news on whether we are leaving our spiritual home or not. Is it Wembley? Is it Northumberland Park? And as for the teams progression, it stagnates all too often. When we need to be on the ball in the summer transfer market he is off in Florida sunning it up.

Never responds to my letters and emails, yet finds time to ban me from the West Stand. Knows I exist, but refuses to acknowledge me face to face.

In all the years he has been chairman, what has he actually achieved? I dare you Levy. I dare you to rise to the occasion. Prove me wrong. At least give the Park Lane bagels.