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Entries in Bentley (41)

Thursday
Sep062012

Bentley driven to Russia, will probably run out of gas

I was in Tenerife by the pool when we signed David Bentley. Suffice to say I didn't set my foot on fire and jump in when announced he'd be moving to the Lane. Until the month of January he'll be plying his trade out in Russia. What that trade is exactly is one for debate. Where did it all go wrong? When was it ever right? Did all of this really cost us £16M?

His career at Spurs has been chronicled. A fourteen part epic.

To view The Stupendous Adventures of David Bentley, click here

Tuesday
Jan042011

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley

At the Spurs Lodge, in the changing rooms...

 

Gareth: Hey David. What you doing?

David: I’m preparing.

Gareth: For what?

David: A new beginning. One without heartache and disillusion, just peace. Just wonderful, beautiful tranquil peace. No more voices in my head.

Gareth: Is that...is that a gun?

David: Don’t you worry, shouldn’t you be out on the training pitch, running up and down, just in case someone from Marca or Madrid is sat in a tree watching you.

Gareth: There’s no need to be like that David. I beat my hoodoo and you can beat yours. Is that a bucket of gold paint?

David: Oh, I intend to. I intend to do just that. Yes, that's gold paint.

Gareth: Look at the state of you. What's with the hair, the scruffy beard? And the gun. You don’t need to go out this way. 

David: Go out? Go out? I’ll be going out alright. With a bang.

Gareth: Oh Christ no. You have other options, you do. Talk to someone, talk to me.

David: Talk? Talk? I’ve done my talking. Done it with my feet since the day I arrived here. Star-jumping. Kicking a ball into a skip. Stepping down on the gas in my Porsche. Setting my foot on fire and jumping into a pool. What else am I meant to do? What else? I’m sorry, but this is the only option I have.

Gareth: Why have you got Beckham printed on the back of your shirt?

David: No reason.

Gareth: David, the gun. You don’t have to...

David: Oh do shut up Gareth. It’s not even real. It’s one of those trendy cigar lighters.

Gareth: Oh okay, ha ha ha, I’m daft sometimes.

David: I think I can hear Harry calling you.

Gareth: But what about all that talk about peace and a new beginning and the voices? Oh, and you appear to have gold paint running down the side of your thighs.

David: I need to throw the lighter away, that's all. It’s controversial because it looks like a gun. It's my only option and it...would be a new beginning for me without it. And therefore quiet and you know, peaceful. No one nagging me. You know...

Gareth: Okay, cool. And the paint?

David: Harry is calling you Gareth. See ya.

Gareth: What’s that?

David: What’s what?

Gareth: I thought I heard something. Not Harry calling, not from the outside. In here. A noise.

David: I hear nothing. Bye.

Gareth: Okay, maybe it's the lads on the training pitch. No wait...

David: What?

Gareth: There it is again. Sounds like a muffled...a muffled voice.

David: I don’t hear a thing.

Gareth: Listen, just listen. It’s coming from over there, in the showers.

David: There is no one in the showers. And definitely no one tied and gagged there. No need to look. Skip along outside now. Harry has drafted in Macion just for you to run at in training.

Gareth: There it is again. I’m taking a look.

David: I'd prefer that you didn't do that.

Gareth: Oh my God! Jesus...is that? Oh no! What have you done? David! Oh my God, what have you done? He’s meant to be having his medical! Look at the state of him! He looks half dead!

David: He won’t be having a medical. There is no need for him to have a medical. I will be having the medical.

Gareth: What? What are you talking about? This is insane! Crazy, just crazy! Hold up, what's that over there? Is that a second person gagged and tied up?

David: Yes. Victoria.

Gareth: Okay.

David: Yep.

Gareth: Right...okay...where was I? Oh yes, Christ, oh my God, you can't have him gagged and tied up! You just can't! It's lunacy!

David: Yes I can. There is only room for one David here. A younger David. A me David. David Beckham.

Gareth: Your name is Bentley, David Bentley.

David: Is it Gareth? Is it? My shirt says otherwise.

Gareth: You've lost it, you've lost your marbles, completely lost it. You need to untie him. You won’t get away with this. It’s madness. It’s absolute madness! What are you doing now? The lighter? I'm hardly going to run scared of a lighter that looks like a gun...wait...what are you going to do with it? No, no...not the hair, not the hair...I've only just finished combing it...NOOOOOOOOO !!

 

Later that same day...


Jim White: Welcome to Sky Sports News. David Beckham has been unveiled at Tottenham's training ground, The Lodge, after successfully passing a medical for a two month loan deal, although he’s already hinted he wants to stay longer at White Hart Lane. Becks was in fine form, looking fresher than ever, entertaining the journalists present with a superb display of skill, keeping the ball balanced on his head, star-jumping, with his foot on fire inside a Porsche whilst driving it into a skip. Classic Beckham there winning over the Tottenham faithful, all members of the press giving him a standing ovation. And Sky Sports was there to capture this historic moment. Just look at the yellow ticker if you don't believe me. Becks is back in England with a bang, baby!

Georgie Thompson: Great stuff, we'll have the press conference in full in around three hours after we play countless ad breaks and tease you with more footage from said press conference without ever going to the actual headline story. In other news, Spurs officials have denied Gareth Bale has gone AWOL and that he’s probably gone home to see his mum, the soft lad.

Jim White: Sorry Georgie, let's go live to the Spurs Lodge where apparently, ha ha ha, sorry, let me compose myself, back to the Lodge where apparently Beckham has thrown a bucket of water over Harry Redknapp. Classic! And it's in HD!

 

The End.

 

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley - Episode One

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley - Episode Two

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley - Episode Three

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley - Episode Four

The Fantastical Return of the Adventures of Bale and Bentley (Episode Five)

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley - Episode Six

The Stupendous Adventures of Gareth Bale - Episode Seven

 

David Bentley gallery.

 

Friday
Oct012010

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley

Episode 6

At the Spurs Lodge...

Gareth: You okay David?
David: I'm busy, not now
Gareth: Busy? But all you're doing is...
David: I said I'm busy, can you not see I'm busy?
Gareth: I just wanted to say hi
David: Well you said it, can you leave me alone now please? I need to concentrate
Gareth: I was thinking, if you wanted to come round my gaff, you know, watch my dvd collection of my best Spurs performances and goals
David: I said I'm busy, I haven't got time to waste
Gareth: David...
David: What?
Gareth: Do you want to...talk about it?
David: Talk about what? I'm working my socks off here to try and claw back some credibility
Gareth: Credibility?
David: Yes, you know, the stuff you now have in abundance what with your good form and being linked with Madrid every other day
Gareth: Credibility?
David: Yes
Gareth: David...
David: What?
Gareth: How exactly is...this...going to help?
David: You're joking right? Sky Sports will be here any second now
Gareth: You don't think perhaps training harder and playing focused disciplined football on the pitch will help you more?
David: (looks beyond Gareth) They're here ! They're here ! Sky are here ! I'm saved ! This is the turning point ! I'm back baby, I'm back ! Stick your left-peg where the sun don't shine Welshie ! The Bentley is about to drive his way back to the top !


Later that day...

Jim White: This is Sky Sports News, stay tuned for exclusive footage of David Bentley naked star-jumping in a skip on top of a crashed Porsche playing keepy-uppy with his right foot on fire whilst drinking a can of Red Bull. Just another hard days training for the Spurs midfield star

 

Episode One

Episode Two

Episode Three

Episode Four

Episode Five

 

Tuesday
Feb092010

All hail Bale and Bentley

Back due to popular demand (three people emailed me)...

/drum roll

 

The Fantastical Return of the 'Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley'


Gareth: Hello
David: Alright?
Gareth: How's tricks?
David: I'm playing first team football week in week out.
Gareth: I know. I'm playing too. It's lush.
David: It's amazing! I get to play on the right-wing and the gaffer rates me for it.
Gareth: You think that's good? Can you not hear the noise after I do something special on the pitch?
Gareth/David: BALE, BALE, BALE...

(both laugh)

David: What about me? I get cheered and applauded, even with the facial hair.
Gareth: Hobo chic is in.
David: It's in because of me. I made it 'in'. How did we both manage to turn things around?
Gareth: I don't know. I guess we were both patient, bided our time and got a bit lucky too?
David: It has nothing to do with luck Gareth. It was hard graft. And to think we were both lined up for moves away a few months back.
Gareth: We really got our shit together.
David: We did, our change in fortunes was because we both believed we would overcome the adversity.
Gareth: BALE, BALE, BALE...
David: Give us a hug!

Three months earlier…

Al: Ziggy says the odds are not very good.
Sam: How 'not good' are they?
Al: Oh, you know. They're way down there not good.
Sam: You're not helping Al. What am I meant to do here?
Al: Ziggy had a new data search component installed and we had to have it shipped in from Hong Kong and I think that gave a little jet-lag to its cpu processing chip...
Sam: Why do you make this stuff up all the time? Why don't you just say, 'Sam, we don't know'. Why don't you just do that for once instead of making it all up?
Al: Well, that wouldn't be any fun, would it?
Sam: A little help please.
Al: You sort of look like a half man half chimp cross-breed. Oh, hold on, Ziggy's now 91% sure that you're here to save this man from some kind of voodoo hoodoo curse.
Sam: Great.
Al: And Ziggy's also 98.9% on the money that when you're done with him, you'll be leaping into that man over there to save him from a life wasted living in skips.
Sam: What man?
Al: The one star-jumping and crying profusely.
Sam: Oh boy...

Thursday
Feb042010

Spurs. Marching on together. Whoop.

Now that's more like it. Decent cup tie, plenty of chances created. Never really in doubt was it? There was no ominous 'here we go agains' even when Leeds pegged us back. You just felt that the tempo and effort from our lads was always going to cause the home side problems. It took two games, but Premier quality won through in the end.

Bentley continued his sparkling good form. Not keen on the hobo face scruff and although he does look ill there's no doubt that his form is currently sick (see what I did there? honestly, someone should pay me to blog). As long as he continues to keep his feet on the ground and not develop another vanity daze that always seems to eat away at any hope of prolonged consistency. Start to worry the moment he starts to highlight his hair. I'm liking the fact that he's continuing to take the chance he's been presented with. Good work fella. We all know he'll lose his place when Azza is back. But it's good to have competition. Not that it's competition in the strictest sense. Lennon is untouchable.

Defoe re-discovering his goal scoring touch was also a joy. Loved how he added spin on his first (he meant it) and his touch to score the second from an unplayable (from a defensive point of view) Bentley cross was equally impressive. His third was no doubt harsh on plucky Leeds and their fans but to be fair, it was tinged with 'back in your box' qualities that were much required, if anything to end the constant pro-giant killing requirements that ITV are utterly utterly obsessed with. Thought Crouch did a decent enough job in aiding JD. Missed a sitter (of sorts). It's not exactly the most exhilarating partnership with regards to subtle layers of inventiveness, but it's productive.

Apart from an exceptional 10 minute spell from Leeds at the end of the first half (having gone 1-0 up), it was comfortable. Special mention to that reaction though. They had a right old ding dong go at us and even though the goal was debatable - it was probably deserved for the sheer effort leading up to it. Only positive from conceding was that it left no room for further complacency come the second half.

On the subject of the goal, it's debatable depending on how you wish to interpret the phase of play that led to the equaliser. Leeds players all offside, but alas not when the ball reaches Becchio. He's now onside, even though there was arguable interference seconds earlier. Confused? I flipping hope so. I'm still trying to figure out how Defoe's goal at Anfield never stood.

Which we dominated in both chances and possession where the difference in quality was more than evident by the final whistle. Leeds didn't do enough. Our lot did everything right. Chuffed that the players gave the occasion the focus and determination it needed. It's the FA Cup, it should matter. Year might not end in 1. There's still a 1 in there. Bolton away next, more of the same please.

Positives: Bale (see what confidence can do for you?) and Bentley (2 assists and a couple of moments where I'm certain I witnessed him going past a player) were impressive, Defoe clinical. ITV duly gutted. Did love how when we took the lead, the second thing out of the commentators mouth was about whether Leeds could fight back. Dry them mate.

Goodbye Leeds. We might never meet again (hopefully).

Bread and butter next with Villa at the Lane, which is just as important for altogether different reasons. More so in the eyes of many. It's another cup game. In the league. Lose this and the feeling of deflation will no doubt sting. Win it, and there's an opportunity to use it as a springboard.

Onwards.

COYS.

Wednesday
Jan272010

Spurs 2 Fulham 0 - We still 4th then?

Spurs 2 Fulham 0

I wasn't at the game yesterday evening. Instead, it was spent on the sofa quietly celebrating a birthday drink in the company of a very pregnant Mrs Spooky and a bottle of twenty three year old Guatemalan rum. Comfortable and snug. Much like Tottenham's display against Fulham. You got the feeling early on that as long as we broke the deadlock, we'd win. And win we did. Unlike the build up of tension in prior home games where we failed to break down the opposition, there was enough patience with our play to stop any concerns and over-stating our effort.

Huddlestone back in the starting line-up as expected, King in for Bassong and Niko (out due to illness) replaced by David Bentley. The sight of David had one of my eyebrows reaching out for the top of my head like the glory days of The Rock in the WWE. Can you smell what the Bentley is cooking? How many of you facepalmed when you clocked he was in the starting line-up? I've seen rocking horse shit more times than I've seen him run out for us this season. But credit where it's due. The lad rolled his sleeves up and worked hard. No glam, no Hollywood passing, no tricks and showboats. He just got on with it. Controlled steering, firmly on the road, not a lamp post  to be seen.

Okay, so the side wasn't swashbuckling but when we've struggled to put other lesser sides to bed, to get the all important first goal and then push on from there was vital. More so when you look behind to see that Liverpool drew a blank. We lost concentration late on, but Fulham hardly looked convincing. If anything, questions about our cutting edge remains evident. As a side note, Gudjohnson? Not totally convinced, mainly because I haven't seen him recently. Based on the player he was - hell yeah. What's his motivation? If he ends up at West Ham, we'll know the answer to that particular question. Anyways...

Highlights for me -

Huddlestone and Palacios. Both of them did plenty of running. Hudd especially looking good on his return. Once more you hope he can one day soon dominate the midfield against one of the Prem's stronger sides. Ah, its' the rum talking I know. Wilson did his job perfectly, winning tackles and easing the pressure. Both of them had free passes in the middle of the park.

King. As comfortable as I was sat on my sofa scratching my backside. For all the criticism that has been quietly whispered about him, he's still top drawer when called upon. Essential for the likes of Bassong to have him around. Be it, part-time. Corluka equally impressive. Dawson not quite at the level he was a few weeks back, confidence perhaps a little dented still with recent blemishes lingering in his mind. Banish them Michael and keep on smiling.

As for our keeper, can't help but love him. Even if he cries like a girl. Drama queen he is, but he's looking consistent and commanding.

Our Gareth is resembling a Cheshire cat rather than a gloomy ape-boy this morning. Started and finished the game - and tasted victory (in the Prem) for the first time in around 23 games. The perfect illustration of how confidence is imperative to a young footballers development. We shagged it up big time first time round, rushing him into the side (I think on his return from a knock), and having him playing alongside shambolic more experienced players that did little to aid him or the team as a whole. Desperately unlucky and almost ruined (it's the Tottenham yoof way), compounded by the fact that we insisted on starting him regardless. He's now in a far better team and his performances continue to impress because he's free to express himself far more. Another MOTM performance (shared with Moddle), made easier by the lack of defensive questions asked of him. Although I'd like to see him improve with his decision making at the back along with his positioning. In time. Let's not forget his age and let's try not to pressure the lad too much.

Modric was buzzing. Crafting, creating with his quick feet, always looking to set the tempo and make something happen. Superb assist. Still not at that devastating level he's capable of, but he's getting closer with each game. He just looks so good on the ball. Brilliant faint and shot, shame it didn't go in. Keep on repeating it...he makes us tick.

And as for the very much maligned Bentley. Minimum fuss, as mentioned already. He buckled down and worked for the team. For someone watching from the sidelines for so long, he performed admirably, much like Roman did against Leeds. Not sure what's wrong with Krancjar (not had a chance to read much yet this morning). Conspiracy theorists amongst you might be scratching your chins and wondering if Harry is sticking him in the window in time for the panic-button final days before it shuts. I'm happy he scored, even if it was via a deflection.

Crouch linked up well with the midfield. Note that hoofing the ball up to him was not the tactic taken every waking second of the game. Took his goal well too. Defoe had another quiet night. Team is winning, so no I'm not going to complain. He's in a lull, he'll came out of it soon. He's got 14 already this season. Plenty time for more. And off the field personal issues might be causing his mind to wonder a little.

Keane was on too late to make any sort of mark on the game. I did have a strange dream last night involving Robbie. He was on a ladder cleaning windows, arms flapping in all directions in that pointy shouty iconic way we grew to love. He hardly even complains nowadays. I want angry Orish footballer back.

The rum was magical as ever.

Easy going evening. We needed to win. We did more than enough to deserve it.

COYS

Monday
Jan042010

Heroes and Villains - Part I

Was going to write up an award-style blog looking back at 2009 and it's highlights but thanks to some inspiration I'm opting to go instead with a heroes/villains piece. A sort of player-by-player review and accompanying aspirations for each individual for the year ahead.

Gomes - Hero

All gone a little quiet hasn't it? We usually have to listen to plenty of 'ooh look he's flapping' sound bites when commentators knee-jerk as per their contractual mantra on being overly critical of our Brazilian import and his keeping abilities. Okay, so he was a bit shaky for a time and struggled with the odd injury and brought it on himself, but he's not only dug deep, he's fought hard to reclaim some pride and done so with some breathtaking saves and some consistency with decision making. He has personality, and unlike Robinson before him, he has belief and it's a true testament to his character that he has rebuilt himself in this fashion. He has captured the types of headlines that made him a transfer target in the first place. On form, he wins us points. And he's on form. We do not need David James.

Do more in 2010: Instinctive out of this world shot-stopping, and the simple things.
Do less of in 2010: Crying, using brain in scenarios where there is too much time to think.

Bentley - Villain

I have nothing personal against David Bentley. I don't know him. I know of him only by what he does on the pitch and how he presents himself as a Tottenham player in the public eye. So at the moment it's fair to say he's coming across as a bit of an apologetic prick. We've been here so many times with David, trying to figure out what's going on in that head of his. Dealing with facts, pure footballing facts, he's been the ultimate flop. Claims to be a Spurs fan, dream move, la la la, and apart from that goal he's struggled to find an ounce of self belief that would help elevate his confidence to a passable level.

He has attempted to showboat himself out of trouble and it's been one face palm on top of another. But then it's not all his fault. Yes, that's right, let's pin it on the DoF system and Comolli simply because everything is the fault of the Frenchman. Making a 'big money name player of the moment' signing in the wake of Robbie Keane leaving for Liverpool. A player who can only play right-wing and but is hardly a wing-wizard. There is no doubt he has ability. And you'd think, Bentley cross + Crouch head = Goal goal goals. But alas, he's either injured or on the bench and rarely showing any signs of life.

Even with Azza out, I'd much prefer to see Niko and Modric in the starting line-up rather only one of the two Croatians and Bentley slotting in on the right.

Time to end this. Reserve team football to Sunderland perhaps. Not sure I see the point in loaning him out to anyone. Get something back for our troubles. Anything. Let’s face it, it won’t be £15M.

Do more in 2010: Play football rather than play football from memory.
Do less of in 2010: Star jumps, lurking on rooftops, living in skips.

Jenas - Dysfunctional side-kick

The definitive poster-boy is still in Lilywhite. You know what, I can never imagine him wearing another shirt. Honestly, don't mean to scare you, but he's become synonymous with Tottenham. He's like the physical representation of the club. Promises much, delivers little. And with the club showing (dare I say it) signs of changing, perhaps its time for us to firm-handshake and man-hug a goodbye to JJ - who bless him, remains in a state of flux. Apparently, he's a good player. So say all managers who have managed him. I guess he must be something akin to Pele out on the training pitch. But when he was once upon a time a first team starter, he's seen himself relegated and lost in the mighty big shadow of Tom Huddlestone.

So, what does Jenas do exactly? Splits fans, as ever. And it's been discussed to death. He was meant to be the complete midfield. Box to box, defend, attack, score. He's got the lungs. But he lacks the heart. What we get instead is plenty of potential and little end product. But that term, 'potential', is very much an easy way out, forgiving his inconsistency. Fact is, if he doesn't fulfil expectations perhaps its because those expectations are beyond him. When JJ 'turns it on' he's immense. And the mistake made is expecting or believing that particular version of JJ is the one he should be producing week in and week out. The reality is different. Jenas may well be an average player who once in a while excels to giddy heights. Or maybe, just maybe, he's a good player - not good enough for the Top 4, but good enough for teams outside of the cartel and one that won't be plucked away from us, in the same fashion as Carrick was. This can't be as good as it gets, can it?

Every summer we say 'this is the year for him'. I've been saying it for 4 years now. And still we wait. I like him. I wish he was arrogant, I wish he was a piece of shit personality wise. Driven by the desire to be the very best. Look at Lampard of Gerrard. In comparison, there is no comparison.

At the moment, Hudd offers more than JJ does.

Do more in 2010: Tackle boy, don't be afraid, you're not going to hurt it. It feels no pain. It's a football. It loves to be treated rough.
Do less of in 2010: Playing hide and seek out on the pitch. WE CAN SEE YOU, THERE'S NOWHERE TO HIDE.

Palacios - Hero

Here's to a better 2010 for Wilson. Last year was not a good one for the lad and his performances since very early season have been a mix bag. Maybe not as disciplined or sharp with his passing as he can be when completely on top of his game. He's been off-key. But he still brings something to the side that we have lacked for an age. He's a beast. A brick wall. The defensive enforcer we have desperately wanted for. Even a Wilson at 60% is better than a Zokora at 80% (although if we are talking pure comedy and dancing then obviously Wilson is rubbish in comparison). Harry has to get him playing with discipline again. The second part of the season needs us to be completely on top of our game and with Modric back and Niko looking to play a part in the same line-up, we have to be strong in the centre. Is another DM on the way? Sandro? I'd go with that if whomever arrives is an understudy for Palacios. He needs a time out every now and again. He is vital to our midfield and our progression. But he is one man. And no, bringing back Jamie O'Hara is not the answer to the understudy question.

Do more in 2010: Bite. Bite them. Bite all of them.
Do less of in 2010: Air miles. Any chance we can move all Honduran international games to London?



Crouch, Defoe, Kranjcar, Hutton, Huddlestone, Pavlychenko, Bassong, Corluka, King, Assou-Ekotto, Woodgate, Bale, Lennon, Keane, Modric, Giovani and Dawson to follow...

Tuesday
Dec152009

Rome wasn't built in a day

Dear Mr Levy,

Rome wasn't built in a day. But then again Rome wasn't built with plasticine. It seems that’s the main building block used by our centurions as they attempt to fathom the foundations for a brave new empire. Our putty like team of very small creatures is becoming stop-motion when it should be morphing and leaving all the goobledygook behind. It's the cause of missed heart beats. Are you as nervous as I am? You should be.

The last thing we want is for us to lose our grip on this very precious chance we've been given. You know exactly what I'm talking about. This season, nobody wants to do consistency. But at some point, someone, possibly more than one club will hit form. And if we're left behind then we'll be face palming well into the summer months at another lost opportunity. We don’t have to be great, we just have to be good. A little better than good will do just fine.

New stadium? Grand. Lovely. But that’s years away. And we've still got to get planning permission for it. And I can't be staring at photos of the proposed structure for the next half a decade whilst others travel around Europe visiting already built and populated stadia in the Champions League. Applause for all the sterling work off the pitch, with the business side of the club. I'm not naïve, I know that in this day and age the finances have to be strong in order for us to be able to spend £15M a pop on the latest player of the moment. Everything is primed and in place. It always has been. But that cutting edge in both decision making on a managerial level and on a chairman level has been left wanting. Leaving us with no cutting edge where it matters most - on the pitch.

You say, in a round-about-way that there is no money to spend on players. Meaning to sign someone we need to sell someone. Harry then comes out and suggests that all the proposed outgoing players according to the press are not actually going anywhere. And in the midst of all this we are meant to be signing Sandro. That's the Brazilian defensive midfielder, not Harry's better half. Classic word play there.

Obviously, what is said publicly is never a true reflection of what is going on behind the scenes, and that should be the case. No need to be in the know until the press conference. How we get there does not matter, as long as we do. As long as the conclusion is identical to the one the majority are hoping for. And in this case, the majority want to see certain players gone and brand spanking new ones arrive. You might believe that consistency regarding players is the way forward, but if some players are not capable of that, then consistency will never be forthcoming.

Recent results have highlighted that the team under Harry requires a bit of tweaking. By tweaking I mean gutting and by a bit I mean the same amount Jack the Ripper ripped out of his victims.

Harry has a monumental job in attempting to reshape a culture of comfort that exists deep in the psychosis of the club, no matter the players, staff or coach. The same niggling reoccurring issue of mental strength arises. Perhaps it’s our transfer policy and the ilk of players we traditionally bring here that are of a certain criteria that is only good enough for a mid-table to a rare 5th place position. Any player with true hunger for genuine success, looks elsewhere and we become a stepping stone for those who truly believe they can achieve more. Rather than those who don’t quite grasp the moment and remain content, chasing shadows on the field of play and women in bars.

Carrick moves on striding forwards with confidence. Jenas stays, picking his nose and chasing butterflies.

As a collective we constraint the entity that is Tottenham, eleven players, lacking a sustained balance to shift up a gear to the next level. From one generation to the next. It has to end. And doing it slowly slowly leaves no potential for a conveyor belt of club shop dvd releases. Score-draws are so yesterdays news darling. We want more. Much more. And we want it now.

It's time to throw more money at the problem at hand. It's the only way to fix it. No time for patience. No time to wait for the players to learn from their mistakes and grow together. They have taken us as far as they can. Harry (when he arrived) rid the club of the cloud of depression, got the players working as a unit, got us strong and capable away from home and lifted belief. But these blips we are experiencing are ones that are becoming detrimental to our immediate ambitions. It's because some of the players are punching above their weight and failing to land any shots.

The responsibility is split between yourself, the coach and the players. But one cannot move to resolve it unless the other two aid its attempt.

The blips need removing. Show Harry the money. Let Harry make the changes to the team and that will allow the team to turn from plasticine into something more quantifiable. Like Lego. You can build cool stuff with Lego. Like the Millennium Falcon. Plasticine doesn't do hyperdrive. And let's face it, Han Solo or Lando Calrissian sitting on top of a ball of clay in the midst of the Galactic Civil War is never going to be a cool or productive sight to behold. And remaining on this literal space kick...

Robbie Keane is playing football out of phase, like that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Geordi La Forge's quantum state is out of sync with normal matter, leaving him invisible to all around him. Unable to influence anything or anyone around him. If I remember correctly, it was thanks to a transporter accident. Something that is quite possibly the reason behind Robbie's demise since his road trip north went south. He can't even be arsed to wave his hands around and shout anymore. That's the damage Rafa inflicted on this once crowd favourite. The player that made Berbatov look great.

Crouch isn't scoring the goals - proving that tall players are only good for hoofing the ball up to their head, and as he's useless with his head, he doesn't really do enough with his feet to warrant a place alongside Defoe. Honestly, that thing he does with his feet. You know, the controlling of the ball? Don't shout it out but I swear I've seen normally sized players do the same. Ssh.

And as for Defoe, over-rated. Scores five against Wigan then misses a penalty against Everton and does nothing against Wolves. That's all the evidence I need. He's due another loan spell.

Pavlyuchenko? I can't actually remember the last time I saw him play. Does he still wonder the aisles in the Tescos over in Waltham Abbey looking to pick up cheap dvd players with the aid of his interpreter? Can you perhaps email Comolli and ask him to forward the youtube link that he based his decision to sign him on? Perhaps we can sue the Frenchman for industrial sabotage.

The midfield requires more weight. And I'm not talking about feeding Huddlestone extra cheeseburgers. There is no leader, no one to scream and shout at the players. It's a fundamental basic ingredient. And it's missing. Talking of which, your poster boy Jenas is still knocking around. Doing what exactly remains a mystery. But there he is. There. Just standing, watching, as the world passes him by. Young English player with bonus sell-on value. So when the fuck do you ever plan on selling him then? HIS VALUE IS DECREASING WITH EACH SUNSET MATE.

And as for Hutton. Allow me to make a suggestion here based on what I know from experience. He was signed from Rangers. That's it. No more questions your honour, no more questions. Players that look good up in Scotland will probably be passable at a Championship side down south. I guess if the club spends £8M on Dean Richards, then £8M on Alan Hutton is a given. You know, cause we don't want to appear to be racialists.

Gio. Mexican. Likes to party. Doesn’t like to train. Played for Barcelona. He's going to be a mega star. He just needs time. More time. And protection. Just like Adel out on loan to QPR. Both world beaters. You just wait and see. Just wait. They can dribble, the lads. Get 'em playing for us. Recall Adel. Play Gio. I'm telling you, it's…okay, this one, it's going nowhere fast.

Even the good ones are struggling. Take Wilson Palacios who has gone from beast to Gruffalo. He has lost the tenacity and discipline to own the space between defence and the oppositions midfield. Like a key lost behind the sofa, he's busy looking for it in the kitchen. Its behind the sofa! The sofa, Wilson, the sofa! He just needs to refocus. Thankfully, that might happen with the aid of a little Croatian by the name of Luka. Small enough to fit his skinny arms and reach out for the missing key. But we cannot place all hope on his petite shoulders.

The back four changes it's line-up more times than Danielle Lloyd changes…ah, nah, I'm not going to go there. Way too easy. I'll be the first not to.

And don't even dare get me started on David Bentley. You know Dave, right? He's the one making mischief with the star jumping and the skip shooting. You can't miss him. He's wearing a wolf costume. And as punishment, Harry sends him to bed without his supper. And in his room a mysterious wild forest and sea grows out of his imagination and he sets sail to the Land of the Beck Things. These are smouldering good looking sexy creatures that Dave conquers by staring into their beautiful green eyes without blinking once and is made the King of all Beck Things. And he dances around with them in a not so but quite possibly metrosexual way and has much fun and then finds himself lonely and homesick so he returns to find that although his supper was left waiting for him, it was now gone. Yep. No hot supper. No, it wasn't Tommy. Not this time. It was patience. Patience ate his supper, his last supper. And as far as I'm concerned he can go back to his imagination land with his showboats and row z free-kicks if it means selling him to any mug willing to take him off our hands.

The problems we have, they are obvious ones. Do not allow complacency to ruin it. Remove the dead parts. Replace them. And then work with the improved group to further improve their state of mind. Your job is to make sure that Harry has the support to birth consistency before we lose our way completely.

All this is quite possibly in hand already. So I guess this just serves as a reminder of what I'm expecting. Because you know, us fans know exactly how a football club and team should be run more than anyone. Take note and get back to me at the end of January.

Regards,

Spooky

Friday
Dec112009

How much does a Bentley cost?

So apparently, Daniel Levy does not envisage the club being very active cometh the Jan transfer window, although he suggests that if opportunities arise we'll take note - but shouldn't expect any net spending. And to dizzy up the quotes further he's reassured Harry that there will be no disruption to the core team. To quote Mr Chairman:

"Having a settled squad gives us the best chance for consistency. We are striving for top-level displays, including the ability to take on and beat the so-called top four teams."

I'm thankful we have proven top 4 players like Robbie Keane in the squad. And Gerrardesque midfielders such as Jenas box to boxing their way up and down the pitch, when he's not sitting on the bench watching Huddlestone do the same thing. Well, not do the same thing pound-for-pound. Hudd has no need for speed. He lets the ball do all the running. Mobility is for people with no footballing brain. But midfield semantics aside, we're good to go. We've got a back four unit, robust and sturdy, a mixture of youth and experience. Mostly youth at the moment. And we have cover for our midfield enforcer. He's at Pompey, but should be back with us in no time. We've got no true cover for our little wing wizard, but that's fine, because he won't get injured. And as for our forward line-up (did I mention Robbie Keane?) we've got the master of scoring goals in bursts and breaking the offside trap (Defoe) and the perfect foil (Crouch) when our players forget tactics and resort to hoofing the ball. And let's not be forgetting the soon-to-be-back-in-Lilywhite, Luka Modric. Who I guess in essence will be akin to a brand spanking new signing. Maybe we could have a press conference and pretend we've just signed him to make up for the despondency that there will not be a £15M transfer splurge on new blood when 2010 tick tocks into our lives.

Consistency equates to beating the so-called top four teams. Who are so-called top four because they finish in the top four positions. I made that connection all on my own. And we've had consistency this season, be it with missing players (due to injuries) and an ever-changing back-four line-up and erratic forwards which has given us a consistent set of results. 3-1, 3-0, 3-0. Zero points. Against three of the top four. The other one doesn't count because everyone is beating them.

So enjoy your Christmas presents because we wont be unwrapping too much in the way of surprises when the window reopens. Other than Sandro. Because Harry mentioned we're interested and the chairman is working towards a deal. Oh, and we're going to need to add a little in the way of depth when replacing Roman Pavlyuchenko and David Bentley. They're not core players. We hardly ever play them. And they're not very good. And for the sake of avoiding egg on face (or perhaps managing to wipe away the egg currently on face) the club will need to recover something from their self-pitying stays in N17. And we all know Bentley is a certainty to go after his show-boating antics in a Spurs friendly game that infuriated Harry. You'll have seen it doing the rounds today. A few days after the story was posted and shared in various message boards. You know the one. The one where Harry tells David he's going to get rid of him. DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM-DA-DADUM.

Let's hope we get a good price for a cluttered Bentley with a dodgy engine and hanging fuzzy dice.

I can't keep this up anymore.

There is no story here. We've obviously not got bundles of cash to spunk wastefully on players. Mainly because we've already spunked it. On wasteful players. We're letting people know indirectly (directly) we have no intention of over-spending (breaking a habit of a life-time here).

The main backbone of the side is good enough to sustain some sort of challenge. As good a challenge that a club like Spurs (non-Champions League and non-Sheik owned)  can prepare for. It's the meat around the bones that needs beefing up. And it's guaranteed that anybody who is deemed malignant will be removed with swift and necessary surgery.

The money will be there to spend once we streamline the squad, we just don't need to be mentalists about it. A defensive midfielder is needed (Sandro the obvious target). A centre-back (long-term solution to the Ledley King conundrum) should also be discussed in-house. Unless you think a back four of BAE - Bassong - Dawson - Corluka will work without a commanding, leading presence to guide them (Daws is 26 years old, but lacks sustained experience). Perhaps a goalkeeper too. For cover, nothing more. Other solutions will involve development rather than throwing money at it to make it work (i.e. Bale - is he a left-back or a left-midfielder and can he cover BAE's absence when he leaves for the African Nations Cup?).

The backbone of the side will suffer no major trauma (which means key players - yes, Robbie Keane is a key player) will stay put. So it's not exactly breaking news that selling to buy is going to be the tactic here. And that there is no need for massive massive signings.

If you think back to 2006, what we failed to do is bulk up in Jan (didn’t we sign Ghaly?) and had we, we might well have wrapped up 4th spot long before the saboteur broke into the hotel and coughed germs all over the players soon to be eaten dinner. Levy knows already (thanks to Harry's complaints a while back about the lack of midfield depth) that we need consolidation in that area. Ignoring Robbie Keane's shout-out about how strong our bench is, we all know the reality is rather different. We don’t have enough in reserve.

Expect a post-Christmas cracker. We'll sign what we need, nothing more, nothing less and then it's all down to the manager and the players to believe and work hard. Qualities that might prove to be priceless in the long run.

Thursday
Dec032009

How do you solve the conundrum of David Bentley?

Where do we even start on this one? Let's go back to the beginning.

There is no shadow of a doubt that at the time David Bentley fitted into the Tottenham criteria as a big-money summer signing.

Player of the moment
Much hyped
England International
Poster boy


With Robbie Keane leaving for Liverpool, we knee-jerked (as we've always done) and spunked £15M on a player that arguably was signed to fill a gap. Just not the one out on the left side. The reason we are perpetual pretenders and usually perpetual perpetual pretenders is because we have a track record of signing superfluous (I love that word) players who are more style than substance. They look the part but don't offer enough strength or intent and in this particular case did not complement what we already had. He simply wasn't needed from the perspective of logic. But then when have we ever done logic? We did once upon a time, but thanks to our revenue, we have always been able to sign the player people expect us to sign rather than the player we desperately need. Although things have changed post-Director of Football.

So, in he came. To his boyhood club. Ex-gooner? We can forgive and forget for that minor indiscretion. But it's here the conundrum begins. He's signed for 15 big ones when he's probably only really worth half of that. He's all smiles, star-jumping, loving it at Spurs, well up for the season. We thrash Roma (I told everyone at the time to keep their panties on, but most wouldn't listen) and he stars. Pre-season is a blast and as far as he's concerned he's the new Beckham in the making. Which is where the conundrum begins to eat away at him.

Bentley, for all the glam and show-boating off the field is a fragile almost glass structure of a man in reality. Easily broken. And it didn’t take long for him to smash into thousands of pieces. Mainly thanks to two points from eight games. Ramos out. Harry in. His form was all over the shop. And Lennon's re-birth was under way. That's Lennon - signed for £1M. That's Lennon, yoof investment that plays on the right-wing. See that Spurs logic? Two right-wingers, neither can truly play on the opposite wing or anywhere else effectively (although Lennon through the middle has worked on occasions) so if one plays, the other won't ever get a look in. There's no scope for mixing it up.

We had that goal in the 4-4 but it failed to disguise the obvious. Bentley was a man playing football from memory of how football should be played if you wanted to be seen as the new Becks. Everything was a show-boat or flick or attempted bullet-turning-corners-in-the-air pass. Nothing was basic. Nothing was simple. His form continued to degrade. With Azza tearing it up, there was no reason to even consider Bentley for the right wing. Yet he still found time to kick balls off roofs into skips.

At this point, possibly, not sure - it might have always been there but only manifested because of the pressure of football…David cited 'personal problems' for his lack of form. Are these problems because of his form or is there something outside of football bringing him down? Not our business tbh, I'm not going to speculate. Either way, the club and people around him should support him. As for the fans, well, we are fickle lot. In some ways, we see footballers as commodities, representatives of our club and demand 100% because they're millionaires thanks to people like us and blah blah blah. But the moaning and groaning and the internet-slating was completely in full effect. As ever, because of the weight of expectation - everyone was losing patience. And David continued to lose all hope.

In the summer, we had an alleged interview which was apparently conducted without the player knowing he was being interviewed (nice under-hand tactics there by the reporter) which IMO would deem it completely void of importance as anyone can be mis-quoted in this cheap shot way. The suggestion was Bentley was looking for a move to Villa. And yet, he's still with us. Even after his car crash. A wake-up call apparently, that doesn't appear to have made a difference with his quality of football. And why should it? We don't even have a reserve team for him to play in. His quality remains distinctly average. Which is what you expect from a player who appears lost and without direction.

Not  playing games will do little to increase interest in him and his value will be nowhere near the £15M mark this time round if we are looking to sell him in Jan. He wasn't that bad against Utd the other night. Average yes, but not terrible. Just a disappointing, not helped by the fact that he had little to aim for when he crossed the ball in.

I'm not sure there's a way to solve this conundrum.  At the moment there are plenty of fans who still want him to succeed. Why would you not? He obviously has the talent to do so. But he's sadly the right player for the wrong team. If Lennon didn't exist, he might well be dominating the right-wing for us. There is no room for him at Spurs. He's a Lego brick sitting in amongst a jigsaw puzzle.

A move away would reignite him, for sure. It's the way football tends to work. He'll go somewhere and the pressure wont be as harsh and relentless and he'll re-discover his spark.

It's time for goodbye. Just a quick hug. How do you solve this conundrum? You don't. You just hand it over to someone else and admit defeat.

Friday
Oct302009

If I had the wings of a sparrow...

The North London derby.

Probably the purist of all derby games simply because the animosity stems from matters of football rather than religion or social and geographic economic upheavals. No docks or waving of loyalist flags. Just two neighbours at war over long forgotten arguments screaming abuse at each over the garden fence, we are forever enemies with no chance of a reconciliation. Not unless they sell up and move back to the South of the river where they came from. That would appease most. Unlikely with their current mortgage and new home. And we obviously have no reason to leave either. We were here before them. And renovations are afoot for a lovely new extension too. And we should still be left with the money and time to perhaps organise a nice little tour of Europe. Standard class. But we should try and book first class.

And as much as we despise each other, we perversely look forward to our encounters. A couple of times every year guaranteed, there's always a bit of a scuffle. Without fail. Pushing, finger pointing. The usual bravado which can sometimes end up with a brick being lobbed over, breaking a window. Their aim has been a lot better than ours recently. Although last time a fight broke out in their garden, it ended all square. They thought they got the better of us, all smug and showing off, but we managed to have the last word leaving a rather bitter taste in their mouth.

Never a boring day in North London.

Spurs v Arsenal. We hate them and they hate us. Because we do. Unquestionable good old traditional 'hate'. I'm hoping that regardless of injuries and suspensions and the fact that we hardly ever beat them in the league (it's getting tedious now), this time we turn up and smash them up all over the pitch. Last season we rode our luck but kept believing and plugging away. We looked for a way back in and deserved the point for simply never giving up. It was a point clawed back from the grasp of oblivion. And a point that set us on our way upwards and away from the mire.

Usually at WHL we stand up and fight and sometimes, almost…almost get something out of it. All I ask of the players is to remember to bring some of that blood and thunder to proceedings come Saturday mid-day at their patch. Nothing worse than not showing up and getting beat comfortable. Their form is good at the Emirates. But their defending has been suspect all season. Might turn out to be (another) game full of goals. But it’s a certainty that if we play openly, we might well suffer for our ambitions. There is no Modric to pull the strings and Defoe to pull the defence. And Lennon's absence is one that grates me although you can almost laugh at the irony that David Bentley has remembered what it means to be a bread and butter footballer, less than a week before another return to his former club.

But if we do suffer, then we have to make that despairing journey through the painful five stages of grief that we have come close to copyrighting so many times over the years.

Denial.

What the f*ck was that? I can't believe we are losing already? Come on you Spurs! Sort it out! We can do this lot! They’re just a bunch of kids!

Anger.

I can't believe we lost that. What happened to having a game plan? Tactics? Picked the wrong players in midfield and the wing play was shocking. No balance or purpose. Hit and hope. Harry is a joke. Cost us three points. How the fuck am I meant to got to work on Monday after this shambolic display? Top 4? No chance.

Bargaining.

Could have been different if we hassled them more, applied a bit of pressure and got the ball to Crouch on the deck rather than hoofing it. Thin line between defeat and victory. If that shot had gone in, it would have been a different game.

Depression.

What is the point of it all? We just can beat Top 4 clubs away. I'm sick of expecting anything different. I'm not going to watch Match of the Day.

Acceptance.

Fuck it. Who we got next week? Come on you Spurs! Top 4? Yeah, of course we can do it we only have to play Arsenal, Utd, Liverpool and Chelsea in total, 8 games. That's 24 points. But they've got to play each other and we can make up the points in other games. Top 4 here we come!


 

Been here a few times, haven't we? You have to earn the bragging rights rather than simply expect them to fall onto your laps. We have work to do come Saturday. This is not going to be an easy afternoon. And far too many times in the past we've fallen short. Choked. This is as good a chance as ever to get something out of the game.

We are not fighting for our lives, like we were when Harry took over. Instead, rather than damage limitation, we have to be looking for something more this time round. Which is why there's no point in being negative. Forget the 5 stages. Forget the ready-made excuses. Smile. Have faith.

Our players need to still go there and fight for every ball like their lives depend on it. The difference is we are now a balanced team and have more confidence than we've had in a long time. We have taken knocks this season and have bounced back. And on occasions done so when expected to falter.

It's about being fearless but also (yes, its a contradiction) fearing the consequence of failure. If you're scared or respect the opposing team too much, then forget it. If you're scared to ask the questions and take the game to them, then forget it. But if you fear the bitter taste that disappointment drowns you in when defeated, then take that fear and use it to inspire you with all your God-given will to avoid experiencing anything other than a win.

So what if we have a couple of missing warriors?

As long as the players do us proud, right? Although doing us proud is only half of it. We don't want to be losing gracefully either.

In a nutshell?

It's about time we stuck it up their bollocks and planted a white and blue flag in the middle of their back garden. Too often it's them sliding on our lawn and posturing arrogantly as we slowly close the curtains.

No more knock-down ginger. No more shouting from our own doorstep about what we'll do to them next time. Get in their face and then get in their face some more. And when they think you're not going to do anything other than stare them out…, goad them, knowing you've got someone round the back burning down their rose bush.

Be sly. Be tricky. Be expressive but not beyond your means. Be mentally strong. Be confident. Believe.

We need to go there with intent and passion, tied up to a master plan. A strategy. It's going to be won in midfield. But defending will be key as it's the type of game where mistakes will be punished ruthlessly.

They have key players starting. We don't. Let's not try to out play them pound-for-pound. Palacios will have to bite their ankles. Huddlestone's passing will have to be immaculate. Crouch will have to torment them with his tallness (he likes doing that) and we'll have to be clever with how we get the ball to him (try feet more than head). Both him and Keane will also have to be clinical. Hear that Keano? Get a one on one? Bury it. And Bentley will have to produce the goods from set-pieces and crosses. No Azza hugging the touchline and cutting in. Bentley will have to imagine roof tops and skips to focus on striking down the enemy.

Our defence will have to be heroic and completely disciplined as a working unit. Supporting and protecting each other. And if King starts, we are in with a chance of containing them. Woodgate? I'll be more than happy to see him back there too - but Daws can also do a job for us. Much the same Bassong.  And we all know JJ loves a NLD. Step up, step up...

Every player selected will need to make up for the missing quality with determination and steel. Had Moddle been available then this write-up would have taken a completely different slant on proceedings.

Arsenal will want to give their fans what they lust for and will turn the tempo up, which means short quick passing. It might be another frantic 90 minutes. Arshavin has already gobbed off about doing us over and our Robbie has done the same. Not that I care too much about it now. Ok, so Robbie is 'bigging' us up. But if you've cared to notice, most Arsenal fans have laughed not just at Keane's comments but also at any suggestion Spurs pose any type of threat at all. Even though we are some way off the Sky Sports Top 4, the gap continues to shrink with each passing season and regardless what any gooner cares to believe, they are not half the team they were 4/5 years ago. If anything, they have stagnated and we've improved. They are still (wash you mouth out son) a very decent side. And that's all we need to concern ourselves with. AA is going to be the one to watch when they push forward. We'll have to make sure he is given as little time as possible on the ball.

It's going to be tasty. They will want to make up for last seasons 4-4. We will want to move on from those plucky memories and produce something more befitting of our progress since that fateful day.

This is it people. Derby day. Hairs on back of neck dancing a merry tune.

And don't be leaving the ground until the final whistle. Slow-clap. Sing up. COYS.

 

You know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm findin' it hard to do anything...

 

If you're going to the game, look out for a free newspaper that will be handed out around the ground to both Spurs and Arsenal fans. TwoHalves is a 16 page, fan-made newspaper of professional quality giving the informed fan's perspective on the North London derby giving readers two different insider perspectives on the game. The paper can be read two ways depending on your allegiance: one way up it's packed full of Spurs news and articles; flip it over and it's got everything a Gooner might want to read ahead of the game.

 

I'll be including a PDF of the paper on this blog after the game (or earlier if allowed). One or two familiar bloggers have written for it (including myself) so I guess the pdf will be all over blogland soon enough.

My article is about Ledley King.

Sunday
Oct042009

David Bentley

Since the 31st January, David Bentley has made the following Premier League appearances:

29 mins as a sub vs Sunderland

51 mins as a sub vs Liverpool (last game of the season)

6 mins as a sub vs Hull

+

18 as an unused substitute.

Before this period of time he started 20 games in the Premier League in the Lilywhite of Spurs.

Now stuck between the 20th game and a 21st appearance. Same might say Blackburn are due a hefty wad of money if he starts more than twenty games for us.

With thanks to Unknown (GG.net) for the stats. Not sure if she pinched them from somewhere herself, but regardless, looks like David is stuck on the bench until some minor miracle allows him a way back into the starting line-up. Wonder if Blackburn have a buy-back clause they can take advantage of? Guessing we'd struggle to reclaim anything over £8M for him.

Catch 22 for us. Who wants to buy a player who doesn't actually play?

Another perfect illustration of the DoF system and Levy's lack of football understanding. Why sign a player for £15M who can only play right-wing when we've already got a right-winger who we all know is capable of so much? Hopefully David will be the very last big-money superfluous signing we make. Wanted him to succeed with us even though the vast majority would agree that he was an unnecessary addition. Sadly it's been nothing short of a disaster.

Lack of confidence due to personal issues (so they all say). Various off the field distractions (skip, bar, crash) and very few on the pitch joyful moments (just that goal). Played out of position and practically self-ruined himself by not showing heart or determination to fight his way back to something resembling form, preferring instead to show-boat and flick rather than play a simple ball. Was given plenty of opportunities to no avail. And is now super-glued to the bench for EPL games.

Gone in Jan?

Unless lickle Aaron disappears through a surprising and tragic worm-hole, then I'd wager Bentley will be off. Those star-jumps seem like they happened a million years ago now...