Roman holiday a nightmare according to the oracle Oleg

So I'm sitting here wondering whether it's worth blogging today as it's not quite time to preview the WBA game just yet (tomorrow is more suitable) and the assortment of current transfer stories doing the rounds are not worthy of a second glance, as they are the usual textbook agent-tabloid hybrid of half truths that are there to serve the purpose of cluttering up the sports pages to give it a more busy appearance.

(Sid....in 3...2...1 to point out I'm doing the exact same thing with this article).

Michel Bastos (the Lille midfielder) is the current 'target' mentioned in the press if you fancy you-tubing him. It's been doing the gossip rounds for a couple of days now, so I'm sure you've already checked out examples of the 'hardest left-foot in the French league'. Maybe we can sign him just so he can aim his boot at David Bentleys arse.

Elsewhere, one of our youth players broke the legs of an Arsenal youth player. Not outside a pub or anything equally distressing but in a league game for their respective loan clubs. Other than the FA writing to Jenas to explain himself over his comments about Howard Webb, there's not much else going on. Although there's always Harry and his mouth.

Harry has spoken about how Spurs are a big club and breaking the Top 4 is a huge task. He then goes and mentions the two scary words that seem to always plight our progression: Champions League.

Let's not talk about 'C' 'L' or refer to it. Considering that Ramos was meant to be the key to the elite door I think it's a little early to be hoping Harry has had a replacement cut. And as we all know that using a credit card to unlock the door doesn't work, breaking in by smashing the back window is highly unlikely as we don't quite have the bottle for that at present. With the right tools....perhaps?

One step at a time.

But yeah, other than that. Nowt to talk about. Yes, I'm lagging behind on recent news items and thus lacking anything to comment on. That was until I ventured over to Harry Hotspur's blog and read this. Something else I managed to miss first time round.

So, Mr Oleg Romantsev apparently thinks we play kick-and-run football with the not so sassy stylistics of physical play and an abundance of battling qualities. Such is the simplistic standard of these tactics that they deserve to exist at an amateur level. Oleg's words.

Maybe Levy can move the Tottenham franchise to Russia.

Oleg then educates us further with his insight, informing us that Pav prefers more technical football and that Arshavin was far luckier in signing for Arsenal (who apparently play in the Spartak style which is made up of technical play with plenty of short passes and running and unorthodox moves).

Right firstly, Arshavin was lucky in signing for Arsenal because they were the only club that wanted to talk to Zenit. He is also (hate to say it) far far far more technical than Pav is. So I doubt very much that them lot over there would have ever considered a bid for Pav. As for Spartak playing football like the scum, well, there's a bunch of kids at the bottom of my road who kick the football around and they too attempt to play short passing football wearing yellow Samba shirts - that doesn’t mean they're any fucking good, does it?

As for unorthodox moves, does that involve spitting? Need clarification on whether Spartak play the Arsenal way to the finest detail.

With the greatest respect, the Russian league can not be compared with the English PL. As for Arshavin, he would have fitted into the Spurs team just fine. A bit like that other bloke. The Bulgarian. He wasn't too shabby with the technical stuff, and seemed to play fine in a team famed for their amateurish physical battling style. Except for the fact that we are not Bolton Wanderers.

We might not be technically outstanding, but we remain a side that always attempts to play the ball on the floor, whether its short passing movements or cross field balls to feet. We are easy on the eye, and when we turn it on, we look mightly impressive.

Which makes me wonder whether Oleg is simply making stuff up and acting as some kind of transfer beacon for Pav who might well be looking at a quick summer getaway.

If Roman and Spurs are happy in their relationship, then the only thing to say is....Oleg mate, lay off the vodka.

Football agents, what's the point?

Dennis Lachter. What a guy. Andry Arshavin has been in England for all of 5 minutes and already his agent is stirring up rumourwhorage with some quality quotes. Apparently, Arshavin is not completely happy at Arsenal and that Barcelona along with one or two other clubs are interested in the player. Has Dennis spunked his commission already? But regardless of the interest, Lachter states that his client will not be leaving due to the money forked out for him by Arsenal and the fact he’s only just signed.

No shit Sherlock.

If all this unnecessary nonsense wasn’t enough he then slates Arsenals ‘French diaspora’ and that Robin van Persie and Cesc Fabregas are jealous of the Russians popularity. Apparently AA has been subjected to some jokes at his expense and that he isn’t completely happy on the left.

Now look closer at everything that’s been said. You’ll note that nothing has actually been said. Of worth.

Not completely happy? Exaggeration. Probably a case of him preferring to play in his more natural position. But considering his goal ratio and assists tally, I’d hate to see what he’s capable of when he’s completely happy.

Team mates jealous? Yeah, because van Persie and Fabregas are completely ego-less, aren’t they? I'm surprised they've even noticed him.

French disapora? Irrelevant. Any player that ends up at Arsenal is Wengervised into a detestable git, so it won’t be long before Arshavin becomes another Borg in the collective. You only have to look how Theo Walcott has gone from a sparky smiling kid into a Henry-lite with the posturing and posing. Funny how Henry-senior out in Catalan country, far away from Wenger, now celebrates without the pompous moody expression.

Jokes? Part and parcel of the game. Although I guess he would be a little miffed considering the general lack of humour that anyone associated with Arsenal possesses.

Which begs the question why Lachter bothered to open his mouth in the first place. What is the point in attracting attention when your client has only just committed to a club, after failing to sign for any of the previous 5 or 6 dream clubs that he wanted to sign for? Wait at least a year before you start looking again.

I was massively massively disappointed when he eventually signed for Arsenal, as it meant Andrey had to cancel his follow-up as a guest blogger.

As for us not signing him in the summer, I guess our money was better spent elsewhere in the end.

Innit.

Even so, it's rather entertaining to listen to this inane football agent try to justify his existence. All hail Paul Scholes! He knows the score.

It's football Jim, but not as we know it

So there I was. Popcorn. Cold beer. Hooker on speed dial for half-time. Remote control sat beside me on the sofa so that I could avoid the half-time tactical punditry from the ITV team. In hindsight, I wish I had avoided the forty five minutes either side of the interval. Monumental let-down, but then again, I was naïve to think that Chelsea would allow Barca to run rampantly all over them. Would be suicidal to go there and attempt to out play the Catalans. Hiddink was wise to have his team play defensively deep and man mark players. I only noticed Lampard when he found himself sitting on the bench. Chelsea’s tactic was too soak up the pressure, nullify Messi, Henry and Eto’o and possibly, cheekily grab an away goal from a counter. It almost worked.

In the end, neither side found a way through. I was not only bored and despondent that I had not seen a masterclass of epic Champions League football, I also found myself screaming obscenities at the tv everytime the ball went near Drogba as I preferred to be in full vocal colourful flow when treated to the inevitable dive. Alves was no better. As for ITV, just how giddy are they when they host these live games? They drown in the hype of their own mediocre coverage. How ironic that their big night would end with no fireworks. The only person who scored was me and for that, I’d like to thank Louise from the agency for her prompt services and ample abilities.

As for my Barca fix, roll on El Classico.

Elsewhere, Harry has apologised for slating Darren Bent earlier this season when he told the world that his wife could have scored the chance Bent squandered. How we laughed. And cried. Bent has now scored 17 goals, which isn’t too shabby for a player that nobody rates. Unless you rate him? Bent has been the subject of discussion half a dozen times this season, and subjected to various ‘What does he do?’ articles on this here blog and practically every Spurs message board out there.

He isn’t a dynamic fox-in-the-box (Defoe) forward or a classical goal-poacher (Lineker) and arguably, he only plays well when Spurs are forced to play a certain type of style (usually, away from home, on the counter, long ball over the top for him to run onto). He struggles with movement and all-round play. But, he scores. He finds himself in the right place at the right time. But there’s no doubt that if Defoe was up there instead of him, Defoe would also score – but would also contribute a lot more than Bent. It’s all very subjective, and one Spurs fan would find himself disagreeing with the next one. For the time being, Bent deserves both our support and the managers. Cometh the summer, he will probably be someone else’s conundrum.

And finally, Howard Webb. Remember him? He’s been demoted, relegated and dismissed from the Premier League. For this weekend at least. The FA have punished him for his penalty cock-up by giving him to the Championship to officiate the crucial top of the table Reading v Birmingham game. That ought to teach him!

In defence of Jermaine Jenas

So JJ is in trouble with the FA over his choice of words in the aftermath of the 5-2 defeat in the 'Theatre of you must be Dreaming if you think you’ll ever going to win here'.

What did JJ state exactly?

"I think it was a case of a referee crumbling under the pressure at Old Trafford really. The atmosphere, the occasion, the importance of the match, a lot of factors take their toll when making decisions."

Along with:

"One thing which struck me about it was that he [Webb] didn't even think [about the penalty decision]. It was like he'd already made his mind up when he came out for the second half that he was going to give something."

So what did he state exactly? The bloody bleeding obvious. Did Howard Webb not admit to making a mistake? Although he won’t admit to the reasons behind why he found it so easy to blow a whistle and point to the spot we all know that he did so because it’s what you do if you struggle to hold your nerve.

From the Daily Mail

But then, objectively, it’s impossible to say one way or another if the referee had made a premeditated decision to give something to the home side. But there is a culture within the game that sees some refs more inclined to be influenced by the big clubs. I know it’s pretty much hearsay and theoretical but had that penalty shout come from Spurs players in the opposite box – would he have blown the whistle? He obviously – through his own admittance - got it wrong and knew at the time he had made a mistake. Explains the yellow card (rather than red) for Gomes. So what makes a professional, whose job it is to officiate a professional game, make such a glaring amateur mistake? If he didn’t see it, if he wasn’t 100% then speak the assistant ref. Or better still, don’t give it.

What Jenas is getting at is that you have to be in a particular frame of mind to be so easily susceptible to a penalty incident and to a degree, at a subconscious level, you sort of know what you are going to do before you do it.

Decisions like these are given all the time, in games that do not carry the same weight of importance as the one on Saturday did. It’s because it was Utd and because it was an important league game and the fact that we were 2-0 up that it’s riled the players and fans alike.

In reality, its probably down to the fact that refs are just human...and rubbish. But they always seem to be less human and more rubbish when its a little club versus a big club.

Yes, we collapsed pathetically straight after it – and this should be the priority to JJ and the rest of the players rather than dwelling on the injustice of the incident. Can’t change it now. But maybe his words will linger in the thoughts of other refs. Much like when Moyes called Mike Riley a United fan.

Seems if you want decisions to go your way, you need to influence the refs yourself.

Either that, or change your team to Man Utd.

Levy, the board of directors and club staff: Spurs fans are ‘plebs’

Yes. That’s right. Much like the tabloid press inform you of exclusives and cite ‘club insiders’ as the clandestine source of the information when in fact there is no actual evidence to support the alleged facts and therefore can not be proved or disproved either way, I’m going to do the exact same thing here because regardless of how much (or little) truth or exaggeration exists in the rumour, the fact that it’s made it to the internet means where there is smoke, there's fire. It's the journalistic code that our tabloid newspapers have built their cultured reputations on.

Someone, formally, in the employment of Tottenham Hotspur FC has revealed that a running gag between the Great Bald One and his minions is to refer to the White Hart Lane faithful as ‘plebs’. Now this may appear tame to what the rest of the country calls us, but the rest of the country matters as much to me as Danny Dyer finding himself in a norty situation. It's not my problem. What is my problem is when the people representing Tottenham display a lack of respect for the people who are, in essence 'Tottenham'. The fans. What is my problem is when our esteemed chairman (allegedly) has little respect for the common man who lives and breathes Spurs. I’m certain West Stand ticket holders are not singled out for this blatant social abuse. We all know how la de da they are affording £1000+ seats and leaving home games 10 minutes early to avoid the traffic.

Next time you – the common man – purchase a replica kit, or forks out £14 for a dvd of a score-draw or happen to buy a programme or dine on a pre-match bagel – take into consideration that those extra notes of sterling go towards the overly expensive wine served up in the board room and the Caviar consumed during their lunch hour. Because if it’s not enough that we spend hundreds of pounds on season tickets, loyally following the club home and away…we are considered a soft touch…by the ‘men at the top’. A cash cow supporting their lavish life-styles, unquestionable emptying our pockets for all things Lilywhite.

Now do you see why I do what I do? The handcuffed naked to the turnstile protest outside the West Stand entrance. The frozen shit pellets aimed at Levy’s car. Following Chirpy home and throwing eggs at his front door (and Chirpy, if you’re reading this – 1pm, Saturday, The Corner Pin, I’ll end you). The water balloon attack on the Lodge when we sold Robbie Keane. The water balloon attack on the Lodge when we re-signed Robbie Keane. I do what I do because nobody else will. We – not the suited money men – are the ones that make this club tick. Without us, without our commitment, the club would not exist.

Where is the respect? Where is it?

Well, it's probably marked up in the club shop at £99.99. No discount available.

So are we still plebs? Are we? Well I tell you what, you corporate loving SOB's (yes, you...board of directors and club staff) …you just watch what I’m going to do. I’m going to speak up for the common man in the Park Lane and the Shelf Side. I'll even speak up for the Paxton (someone has to).

Daniel - me and you are going to have this out once and for all. No letters. No correspondence of any kind. Just a good old fashion face to face. And when we do, I’m gonna shake my fist so vigorously in your direction from my seat in the Park Lane that you will squirrel with fear in your directors box. And you’ll know, you’ll know that the common man is a prince not a pleb. And you'll understand our worth as the true shareholders of this great club.

You will need almost 58,000 of us to fill up that brand spanking new stadium where no doubt we’ll have to fork out more money for the privilege of doing so.

Plebs? Nah, we're not plebs. More like mugs.

16 long years of away-day hurt for the Lilywhites

Played 62.

Won 0.

D 20.

L 42.

F 36.

A 114

Pts 20.

It’s been 16 years since we defeated Liverpool at Anfield in the league. That’s 16 years since the last three points collected away from home against one of the ‘Big Four’ (although Chelsea haven’t been a true top four club until recent years, but still, you get the jist of it). We are a soft touch away from the Lane.

This season (where we’ve struggled to beat the small clubs) we’ve had a good record against the top 4 at home (and away) beating Liverpool and Chelsea and taking two points from Arsenal. The 5-2 loss on Saturday was the first time this season we’ve ended with nothing against a Sky Sports elite side in the league. Why we never quite manage to battle towards a win is a curious mystery, when other (considered to be) lesser clubs are able to shock the big four on their home turf from time to time.

We saw both sides of Spurs at Old Trafford. The good (first half) and the bad (second half). The latter being a throw-back to the Spurs we thought we had left behind. It’s a mental block of sorts. A curious psychological problem that steems from a lack of belief and because this was Man Utd, we gave up after the shock of the penalty decision. We were overhauled by the occasion and the injustice. But make no mistake about it, even though Utd upped the tempo and got lucky with the Webb decision, we didn't exactly look like we were trying to continue where we left off after a smart opening 45 minutes.

Jenas cited that Webb was guilty of ‘crumbling under the pressure’. He saw the irony and made sure he mentioned the fact we conceded four further goals.These type of 'switch-off' performances happen often. At home too (Utd 3-5, City 3-4).

No matter the players, no matter the manager, we always have these lapses and negative reactions. I cited lack of leadership and composure in my match report. But there is no need to knee-jerk just yet. Dish out a spanking to WBA this weekend, and we are back on track to end the season on a high. Compared to the start of the season, I’d much rather be worrying about our development than looking over our shoulders at relegation.

Going forward, we (Harry) has to remove the mental block. How that's done exactly, I don't quite know. I guess the answer can be found in the following question: Why does it happen in the first place?

Spurs, black helicopters and men in black - The Truth is out there...

Half-time at Old Trafford

Disguised Voice: Don't leave this game alone, Agent Webb.

Webb: What?

Disguised Voice: They will not tolerate a buck to the trend.

Webb: Who are you?

Disguised Voice: I, er, can be of help to you. I've had a certain interest in your work.

Webb: How do you know about my work?

Disguised Voice: Well, let's just say that I'm in a position to know quite a lot of things, er, things about our game.

Webb: Who are you? Who do you work for?

Disguised Voice: It's unimportant; I came here to give you some valuable advice. You are exposing yourself and your fellow professionals to unnecessary risk, I advise you to change the game.

Webb: I can't do that.

Disguised Voice: You have much work to do, Agent Webb, don't jeopardise the future of your own efforts.

--

Post-match in the away dressing room

Bond: Would you explain to me what's going on.

Redknapp: I think they re-wired Webb's brain. Some kind of selective memory drain.

Bond: The brain doesn't work like that, Harry. You can't just go in and erase certain files.

Redknapp: Then you explain it to me.

Bond: There's a  type of Narcolepsy th..

Redknapp: This is not Narcolepsy, I think it's something far more deliberate and insidious.

Bond: All I'm saying, is that the science or medical technology to do what you are suggesting, does not exist.

Redknapp: And neither does the technology to re-watch the type of controversy we saw yesterday.

--

In the aftermath of the game

DEEP THROAT: Your life may be in danger.

Harry: Why?

DEEP THROAT: Mmm, you've seen things that weren't to be seen. Care and discretion, are now imperative.

Harry: I saw something I...

DEEP THROAT: As I said, I can provide you with information, but only so long as it's in my best interest to do so.

Harry: What is your interest?

DEEP THROAT: The truth.

Harry: I did see something, but it's gone, they took it from me, they erased it. You have to tell me what it was.

DEEP THROAT: Three points? Mr. Redknapp, why are those like yourself, who believe in the existence of a Premier League illuminati in this country, not dissuaded by all the evidence to the contrary?

Redknapp: Because, all the evidence to the contrary, is not entirely dissuasive.

DEEP THROAT: Precisely.

Redknapp: They're here, aren't they?

DEEP THROAT: Mr. Redknapp, they've been here for a long long time.

Redknapp: Triffic.

Re-worked from the X-Files episode 'Deep Throat (1x01) written by Chris Carter - from the excellent transcript from the Generation Terrorists site.

Utd 5 Spurs 2 - I hate football

At 2-0 up I muttered the immortal words: "If Spurs don't win from this position, they will never beat United". Oh how the Gods unzipped and showered me with their irony.

It was going so well. Bent getting in amongst them to control and hit for the first, Modric the second from a Lennon cross. In at half-time, two up. And playing well. With confidence. We took our chances with relative ease. Surely we can hold onto it if the same ineffective Utd returned for the second? Sadly that didn't happen. The Utd of a few months back started to turn the screws having decided to turn up for the second 45 mins, but still we sat at 2-0 to the good. All the way up to the 57th minute when the Gods pulled their pants down completely, turned around and unloaded an almighty number two. Penalty to Utd. Did Gomes get the ball? Did he get the player? Was it a penalty? If it was, then why did Howard Webb not dish out a red card too? Having seen it a couple of times on replay, it wasn't clear cut by a long long way. But why should that stop the ref from giving them a route back into the game? The sooner we get refs into our fantasy football sides the better. They would score a bundle of points with their assists. But it was still only 2-1. Let's not collapse Tottenham. Don't collapse. What do we do? We collapse quicker than Stephen Hawking attempting to snowboard down the side of Kilimanjaro.

Still, you can’t deny Utd as an attacking force. And softer pens have been given in the past. But let's not linger too much on that one single incident. Let's move onto the 'laying down for them' bit.

And boy, did we lay down for them.

Confidence gone. Almost akin to something of prior seasons when our backbone turns to jelly just because the opposing team suddenly have belief. Yes, we are 2-0 up against the mighty Man Utd. So what? Push on, attack, force a third. Don't be dumbstruck by the occassion.

Far easier for us to allow that one decision, to knee-jerk us to a spanking.

Where was that little bit of leadership and composure? Not sure at the moment I want to start having a dig at our players (because I really can't be bothered on the back of this result). But at full pelt, Utd are impossible to defend against. More so if that much needed leadership and composure is non-existent.

Rooney, 67, Ronaldo 68, Rooney 71. 3-2.

The Gods had obviously feasted on a curry late yesterday evening.

When Berbatov casually, apologetically, bundled the ball for a 5th I momentarily died a little inside.

I hate football. Hate it.

If Spurs don't win from this position, they will never beat United.

In support of Frank Lampard

Can't believe I'd ever say that, but James O'Brien comes across as a bit of a tool in his attempt to justify his comments about the tabloid stories concerning Frank Lampard and his ex Elen Rives and their break-up. You'll note, O'Brien loves the sound of his own voice as much as Lampard loves to score deflected goals.

Lampard called into O'Brien's show to defend himself over the suggestion he's 'weak and scum', implied by O'Brien, although he denies he was talking about Frank - even though in the context of the radio phone-in discussion, he was quite obviously (if indirectly) aiming the comment at the Chelsea player.

Click here to listen to the conversation in full.

And watch this to see O'Brien attempt to justify his opinion with Sky's Kate Burley. Kate turns me on by the way. Wouldn't mind her interviewing me. In bed. With handcuffs.

Moving on, regardless of whether Lampard had an affair (or not, allegedly) is not our business - it's between him and his ex - and neither is the fact that he is any less of a father because he is going through a break-up. And since when do people take tabloid stories at face value?

Ridiculous 'LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME' attempted hype from O'Brien.

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley

David: Alright Gareth.

Gareth: Alright David.

David: What you up too?

Gareth: Just combing my hair. You?

David: Push-ups. I combed my twice already this morning.

Gareth: Push-ups? Hair looks great by the way. What product you using?

David: The gaffer said I should concentrate on getting the basics right so I decided to give the star-jumps a rest. I’m using Quantum Sequence.

Gareth: How’s it working out?

David: Amazing. Weightless style, brings out the highlights and it’s got this zippy bounce when I run.

Gareth: No, not your hair. The push-ups.

David: I don’t know. Ok I guess.

Gareth: Sky Sports had you on yet?

David: No, not yet. Getting into camera shot when I’m practically laying on the floor…it’s tricky business.

Gareth: I can imagine.

David: So….

Gareth: So…

David: Anything planned for later?

Gareth: I’m seeing a witch doctor.

David: You need to stop going to Faces.

Gareth: I know. What about you? Anything planned?

David: I’m kicking a ball.

Gareth: From a roof into a skip?

David: No. Just kicking it. On the training field. Around the cones. Alone.

Gareth: Neat.

NEXT WEEK: Gareth and David feed a squirrel at the Lodge but disaster strikes when the little blighter chokes on a nut and David and the squirrel have to call emergency services.

United away? Easy peasy...

Manchester United away on Saturday. If I told you I wasn’t nervous, would you believe me? Not that we ever go to OT confident of winning there (even when we do beat them we only return to London with a point) and I’m not for a second suggesting that just because they’ve not been playing at the same fearsome tempo and pace of prior months they’ve suddenly become a soft touch. It’s United. Even a patched up side is dangerous to most opponents.

They appeared casual yesterday evening against Pompey. But still won. They are doing just enough and it’s more than enough. When we make trips up there, we usually give a plucky performance only to then be out-done, usually by a wonder-goal. Sometimes, we follow this up by falling to pieces allowing Utd to run rampant. It’s textbook stuff, Utd always take points off us with relative ease up there. They do the same down south (although the last two home games at the Lane have bucked the trend and had us gutted for not claiming all the points).

This season we are unbeaten against the Sky Sports Four© in the Prem and we’re not afraid to have a go against any of them. And with our safety assured along with a flirtatious swagger towards 7^th spot, there’s no harm in trying to win at OT – even if the odds are still stacked against us, based on history and the fact that the game is far more important to Utd than to us. Its three points closer to a title for Fergie. With us, if we do happen to finish up in a European spot it will be nothing more than a surprising bonus. So Utd don’t need to be told how important another solid home performance would be for them.

But we have no idea what United will turn up. And we can’t go second guessing (tbf, we have no idea what Spurs will turn up either). Add to the mix Giggs 800^th United appearance and the signs are the game is set up to be a joyous one for the home support. If we can gatecrash and party-poop and possibly take back those two points left behind in January 2005, I’ll be more than happy.

We should push forward with impunity. I’m not suggesting we turn up in yellow jerseys and samba our way around the park. We should just give it a go. A proper one at that. We all know they will. Last night, for all the casual running and effort made they still played some wonderful slick football. Sitting back is not an option. No need for a defensive display and one point. We are not desperate for points and Utd are not flying. What I’m desperate for is a little glory. Enough to sit in my back pocket for a week so I can float to work and back.

In the past, trying to out play Utd at Old Trafford hasn’t worked. But I don’t think we need to concern ourselves with anything other than the present. We are playing well. Both defensively and in midfield. Failing to score more than a goal a game is our Achilles heel. But with the pressures of relegation banished, the players and manager have the chance to press ahead with the development of a re-born Spurs (not trying to be overly dramatic by suggesting a new dawn is upon us, just mean that it’s nice we have a winning mentality and cohesive team structure with players understanding their responsibilities).

It’s test time. Palacios Vs Mr '600' Scholes. King (hopefully) and Woodgate standing tall against Ronaldo and Rooney. It ought to be daunting, but it’s not. It’s also far from being a rabbit in the headlights scenario. More like a rabbit smoking a joint.

Neville and O’Shea are both out injured and Wes Brown is set for a possible return to first team action if he gets through a reserve team unscathed. I repeat, Wes Brown. Shudder. Though I’d prefer O’Shea to have been available, as the bloke is a liability. We might even be treated to Berbatov on Saturday. I won't say anything more in case I jinx it. Utd also have to take into consideration the little matter of a Champs League game next week.

As for us?

BAE has been consistent since Harry’s arrival. Corluka has had the odd lapse, but works great in partnership with Lennon. There are solid partnerships throughout our side. I'm hoping Jenas is fit as we'll need his box to box energy as Utd always work their socks off, and we'll have to match them. Pav scored a beaut up at OT in the Cup, but missed sitters in the Cup final. Bent scores, regardless of doing very little else. If Pav is fully fit, will he get the nod? I hope so. We need some of our players to sharpen up their game for this weekend (Keane, Lennon, Bent) and others to excel as per usual (Palacios, Modric, King, Woody). And just hope that Utd don’t do the same. Something tells me Bent will start, and Spurs will look to counter making the most of the one ability Darren has.

Of course, we all half expected a miracle when we played them at OT in the FA Cup, and what we got was a performance of tragedy. Should have had a right go at them and we didn’t. But then we had the distraction of possible relegation hanging over our heads, and Harry was still tweaking around with the balance and confidence of the side leaving our tactics some what muddled and confused.

So on Saturday, I’d rather us not play for a point but go for all three and if we end up with nothing so be it. I wouldn’t shake my head despondently at a point. I’d just like to see us shake things up at the top.

The key is whether we can stick away a second if we get a first. It’s like the Cup final. Nobody took their chances and it was settled on penalties. If it’s a similar type of game with chances at both ends, then anyone can win it (otherwise we end up with another no score draw).

No pens this time round. The heartbreak that partners defeat would be more evident if it happened to the reds more than if the whites tasted it.

Spurs to sign Beckham? That makes sense

Staggering piece of journalism in today’s Sun concerning Harry Redknapp and how we all shouldn’t be too surprised if he manages to resurrect David Beckham’s career form the dead by signing him in the summer. Because if you haven't yet noticed, Becks has slipped into obscurity in recent months.

The assumption made is that Becks needs football after the MLS season ends in October and I guess AC Milan won’t be an option. I say guess because you have to suspend probability to get a grasp of Ian McGarry’s Inside View. All this is based on the logic that LA Galaxy and Milan don't agree a transfer deal and that if Ancelotti leaves for Chelsea the new man at the helm might not want the England veteran. And thus, the Premier League is the only logical loan spell awaiting. That's all quite possible in theory, but none of it is actually referenced or argued.

There’s plenty of hot air about why it would benefit the player to wear Lilywhite and how it won’t harm his England chances and that Harry, a selfless creature, would rejuvenate Beckham who is currently a pale insignificant shadow of his former self playing for an amateur club in a low quality league. Ok, Milan aren’t that bad, and neither is Italian football but obviously playing for Spurs is a far more rewarding prospect according to Ian.

The 'Beckham wanted to be Glenn Hoddle when he was a kid' comment doesn't cut it with me either. This, the same Hoddle that humiliated Becks in England training?

The rest of the article is about the magic man-management of Redknapp and how he’s handled King infinitely better than Ramos ever did – which is something nobody could argue a case against.

Now if you’re still unsure McGarry is writing without substance and reason, other than a PR push for Harry, then the following will surely guarantee it:

“According to those who know him best, Redknapp would be the last to claim success is all about him, his ability or his personality. Speak to the players he coaches, though, and you discover that even if Harry denies being a Special One, he is certainly special. It’s just he doesn’t go shouting from the rooftops. Redknapp’s style is understated and is based on over 45 years’ experience in the game”

Harry would be the last to claim success? According to those who know him best? Who? Jamie Redknapp? I’m not going to dispute ‘arrys man management skills because they have taken us from the mire up to a UEFA Cup push. But to claim he is understated and that he doesn’t like standing in the limelight (which is what’s being suggested) is wonderfully ridiculous. Harry calls up Sky Sports News often with ‘from the horses mouth’ exclusives, ffs. He’s a media-whore, and he loves it. And everyone knows it.

Does Harry write for the Sun? Does Ian know Harry personally? Ian must be In The Know, as apparently he seems privy about a proposal that Levy is ‘seriously considering’ on forking out for the Beckham brand. What else is in this proposal? Does it cover whether Becks will be signed to play on the right replacing the younger, raw talent of Lennon? Or will he play in the middle, pushing Huddlestone further away from the pecking order? And haven’t we already got a beta-version of Becks in the reserves that needs a serious reboot?

I’ll shave off my beard and eat it if we signed David Beckham.