Jim White's head fails to explode. It eats football instead.

I guess I was asking for too much to see a Scanners type end to proceedings on Deadline Day. What we did witness instead was something far more horrific. Sky cameras covering Jim White's arrival to the Sky Sports News studios. Yes. Because from 8pm onwards we are blessed with a presenter that somehow manages to define the days chaotic scramble for signings purely based on the fact that there's a fluffer under the desk squeezing his balls tight for over three hours straight.

With each passing year it seems like the coverage of Deadline Day (in HD) takes on a Chris Morris/Alan Partridge vibe. It's not satirical, it's professionalism, yet it's practically a spoof when you have a grown man in a studio shouting during a link-up to another grown man standing outside a football club as they both scream about absolutely nothing.

When something does happen, we then have to endure buckets of ugly as we come to the realisation that only the facially disturbed frequent the Sky Cameras as they huddle around the lucky reporter waiting for the sighting of say, Peter Crouch. In Stoke, it was akin to their creator arriving from the heavens to bless them by virtue of autograph. Outside the Emirates some fans showed off their tattoos stating 'Prem winners 2012'. It's a minefield of mong wherever you dared to look.

One massively disappointing aspect of it all was the fact that the protracted saga of Modric to Chelsea lead by chief brokers (Sky Sports) failed to materialise No yellow-ticker after a summer where it constantly rained with Luka soundbites. It all ended with one from Harry Redknapp (who spent most of the day driving in and out of the Spurs Lodge to be interviewed via his car window with mic in face...or was it the same interview played over and over again? I get confused)...where was I? Oh yes, the soundbite that ended it all was from 'arry stating 'one million percent' in reply to Modric remaining at the club.

All in all, much ado about nothing. But we all know in this wonderful game of ours that nothing is always worth its weight in gold as something. As witnessed by Twitter for most of the evening. No matter the pointing and the shrugs of embarrassment, we all still somehow manage to get sucked in. Every single time.

So, I leave you with this. Ironically not via Sky but via The London Evening Standard. Remember, it's September 2nd today. The window has been closed for a day.

I know what you're thinking having clicked on that link. Jesus wept, right? And if Jesus was a football fan, he'd be left on the shelf. 

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From the world famous secret studio of The Fighting Cock podcast team, it's episode six. Discussed in part one: Twitter re-tweet mission update. Man City debacle autopsy. Livermore > Modric. The truth behind Luka's performance against City. Formation headaches. Centre-back headaches. Positivity and negativity. Harry Redknapp is dissected (it gets ugly) along with our transfer dealings (pre-deadline day) and Neil the Cabbie is back with a brand new rant. In part two we laugh at the scum (lol) and whether we should in fact be laughing at them. We laugh at them anyway. We've got emails. Also Daniel Levy. Do we love him? Or do we not? Do you love him? A twist on the Tottenham Whisper. And we end with a super-quick game of Killer.

Love the shirt.

When does it kick off?

Has the football season started? I know it has but it obviously hasn't because I'm emotionally numb and I'm neither euphoric or disillusioned. Although the latter is a perfect fit for many who still strongly believe our summer transfer window activity has gone belly-up, with no saviour or messiah of the green fields to break the clouds apart with a rainbow.

I haven't even watched either edition of Match of the Day yet, although from the sounds of it I've only missed Alan Hansen salivating over a single passage of Liverpool play that is apparently ample evidence of their return to past glories. I did watch Real v Barca which was stupendous fun and also caught the second half of the City v Swansea game including the début of the completely unknown to these shores, Sergio Agüero, who scored a brace and assisted too. A star is born indeed, confirmed by Alan Smith because players don't exist until after they've appeared on a Super Sunday or MNF.

Talking of commentators, why is it they always sound so slutty for the football they're watching? It's like a porn actress who prefers not to wipe away the mess on her face, preferring instead to glisten for the camera all proud and gleeful when the reality is altogether far less attractive no matter how much she smiles and winks.

As for Kun. Blatantly blagging it against Championship opposition. Will fade by Christmas. Won't score as many as Adebayor either.

Talking of which, I'm still certain we'll sign a forward. I'm still banging the drum of delight whilst others bang the drum of despondency and dejection. I can not see this window closing without an arrival or two because such a scenario would be wholly unacceptable and yadda yadda yadda you've heard it all summer long. Faith is sitting next to me. Okay so he's a little sleepy and I keep having to nudge him because the snoring is repugnant but hey, at least his heart is beating. Sort of. Almost. Faintly.

Robbie Keane is gone. To the MLS. Tongue in cheek 'my dream' soundbite from Keano as he becomes a LA Galaxy player. I guess how much you rate (love) the player is all very much dependent on whether you believe his move to Liverpool tainted him so harshly that his first spell at Spurs is no longer one you can look back at with joy.

If that's you, then remind yourself of the following:

301 apps
122 goals

9th highest goal scorer in our history and one of only 16 players to have joined the THFC 100+ goal club.

I'm going to talk about Robbie on the next The Fighting Cock podcast, so I'll leave the particulars until then. But no argument that he very much did taint himself with the move to Liverpool. He left us for them, of course we're going to look on with disappointment. Perhaps that question in his head pushed him towards Anfield in a quest to see if he could step it up a further level away from his comfort zone only to find that it wasn't the answer he was hoping for. But to ignore his record prior to his move? Stupid. The only unforgivable is being subjected to that cartwheel celebration for so long before he retired it.

He might not have been the greatest but he consistently did a job for us and his stats prove that. His body has given up on him, possibly in addition, has also lost most of his swagger and confidence too. Good luck in the States. If you can't score any goals there Robbie, you could always return to Scotland.

Elsewhere. Arsenal finally allow Cesc to go home. £35M? Cheap, no matter how you look at it. Even if the player has retained a high level of performance, some claim he has somewhat stagnated. That's if you believe a player can be very good but not improve in leaps and bounds and still be awarded with the stagnated label. Warranted or otherwise, not sure it's time to RIP our North London neighbours but they seem to be losing players with each passing week. Hardly feel sorry for them but you have to laugh out loud when you see Fabregas kiss the badge on his new Barca shirt. Half expecting Luka to score an own goal at Old Trafford then rip his shirt off to reveal a Chelsea tattoo on his chest stating 'I'M A SLAVE, PLEASE LET ME JOIN MY DESTINY, I AM A CHELSEA BLUE, 4EVER'. It's a a big tattoo. Hey, maybe Arsenal will bid for Luka.

What? What did I say? Don't shoot the messenger, k?

So Hearts this week. Channel 5 ITV 4. I'm hoping for a strong spine and a comfortable win. Get through the qualifier then perhaps blood some kids. Don't care how weak Scottish football is, but would rather avoid a Young Boys type mishap in the first leg. If anything because it would mean us having to hold onto Crouch just to make sure we get through the second leg.

Man Utd away, our opening game of the season next Monday. I predict an open game. Score draw. No keeper gaffs from our boy please. Be rude to distract attention away from De Gea.

Limbo still has made prisoner. Feels like an eternity. Not long now before I escape.

COYS.

Love the shirt.

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

Also listen to The Fighting Cock via:

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e-mail: thefightingcock at gmail dot com - we want your feedback, suggestions and e-mails.

Where is our apology?

I'm playing catch-up what with being 'off-line' for the vast majority of yesterday due to travel commitments. Sounds like I missed out on a fair bit. I'm hearing rumours that Chirpy attempted to foam pie Harry Redknapp in the face but Joe Jordan intervened. That pesky attention seeking chicken.


Terry

Elsewhere, Sky Sports published an article covering an interview with John Terry. Then issued an apology and altered the article in a couple of places. I've had a look at their website. If I've got the wrong end of the stick, then beat me with it. I've seen the video footage of John Terry being interviewed (which is what the written article was based on). Terry (around a minute or so into it) uses the word 'disrespectful' whilst referring to the Spurs and Luka Modric situation. It's muddled, I'd admit that. But my gut reaction is that he's simply citing the fact that talking about Modric is probably not the best thing to be doing in any grand old way because it will start to touch upon the art of tapping up. So he throws in the word disrespectful to appease us and protect himself. Which is fine. It's understandable.

Sky, oh so giddy Sky, run the written text version (along with video) to the tune of 'Terry - Modric 'disrespectful'. Pretty much sums up their tabloid bloodline. They've taken nothing and made something out of it. The tone of the entire interview did not have an agenda to it from Terry's perspective (can't believe I'm painting him as an innocent party in all this). The only apparent agenda(s) was to try and get Terry to talk up Luka (in a Chelsea shirt) and to thus gain the most sensationalist headline out of it. Terry does call Modric 'world class'. But that's ignored (surely better to have run with that if Sky are so desperate for the player to join the West London club?)

Don't know how long it took, but the title was later altered to 'Terry - Modric is world class' (there we go, second time lucky). So what we have here is simply a case of Sky running an out of context headline for what Terry said. He cited 'disrespectful' - Sky run with it. They change it. Then they apologise. But then what they do next is laughable - they remove the disrespectful comment from the written text article altogether. Too much to get their heads around I guess. Perhaps struggling to work out the ambiguity of the quote.

Far far easier to ignore it altogether than perhaps appreciate that Terry didn't want to be too forward in his appraisal of Luka's talent. I actually still don't get quite grasp the point of the original headline as it's hardly the type of headline that follows on from previous pro-Chelsea ones. The 'world class' amendment is more in tune with their Luka to Chelsea push.

I'm still patiently waiting for Sky to issue an apology relating to the Modric transfer request that apparently was never (according to Spurs) handed in.

One critisism of John Terry re: Luka?

"He's very agile, very quick and a great finisher like we've seen over many years."

You what?

Souleymane Coulibaly

Looks a talent. 16 years of age. Superb vision and touch. An eye for goal. Suggestions from some that he's on a promise for first team football (hence why he signed for us). Back on planet earth, it's obvious the kid has the moves but he's just that. A kid. We've been here before. Many many times. We never actually sign teenagers good enough to be blooded into the rough and tumble of the Premier League without disappearing in the youth sides and loaned out to Championship clubs first. I'm hoping he is different (much like I thought Bostock would be different). I'm also hoping we take our time to work on his raw ability and develop him with the onus on Souleymane being a valid project for first team football in the next year or two. It's about time we signed someone of this ilk and followed it through to fruition and witness an impact at an early age rather than a full début at 25 then a transfer to Ipswich.

Scored on his 'Spurs' début. Read more here.

Pirates

The second game in SA and the second pre-season game I've not watched. As previously preached, all I care about is the team getting fit, getting back into a rhythm and avoiding injury. Would be nice to read about us performing with spark, style and swagger. We either always look disjointed or amazing. Never in-between. We all now that 'amazing' usually equates to world class underachieving when the season proper starts.

Don't think Modric should have been handed the captains armband. Are we trying to get him 'on side'? There's no reason to be doing this just to send out a message to anyone watching, because as chairman has stated a couple of times - it's a closed matter. Luka is hardly captain material. Even in a pre-season friendly wearing the armband should be an honour rather than part of a reconditioning process.

Nice free-kick from Rafa. More of this in the Prem please.

Sky Sports understand that they understand something about understanding

"Modric is currently with Spurs on their pre-season tour of South Africa, but we at Sky Sports News are desperate for him to make the move to West London"

Read the breaking news here. It's yesterday's news today. Tomorrow, Sky confirm Luka is human and lives on planet earth with other humans.

£30M Chelsea bid expected. Like adding £3M onto the last bid is going to make a blind bit of a difference to anything. The ankle injury is also part of the deception. Right? Waiting for Sky to confirm. Exciting times.

Dig in, Levy. We shall not be moved.

"Broadcast was in the public interest," declares SKY

Football pundits and journalists were up in arms this morning after SKY Sports 'carelessly and irresponsibly jeopardised the World Cup bid' by broadcasting Liverpool losing 2-1 to Tottenham Hotspur on Sunday.

The 18 time league winners and holders of 5 European cups have recently fallen from grace, having their Champions League place usurped by a resurgent Spurs and suffering a poor run of form that sees them struggling to maintain a place in the top 10 of the Premier League and playing Paul Konchesky at left back.

However, many feel that their dreadful form should have been hidden from the prying eyes of FIFA and certainly not broadcast live only days before the World Cup vote.

Ian Ridley of the Mail on Sunday said, "Liverpool Football Club are a national treasure and their image as one of the best teams in the world ever is vital to England winning the rights to host the World Cup in 2018. FIFA don't care about small clubs like Spurs, Everton and Aston Villa. They want to see the usual top 4 winning all the time just like they do in other European countries. SKY have shown a blatant disregard for football fans all over the country by airing this defeat."

Phil Thompson, a SKY pundit who happens to also support Liverpool, added, "I have handed in my resignation to SKY. The World Cup is far more important that their petty agenda to increase viewing figures. By all means show the game, but at least edit out the last 5 minutes and any footage of Paul Konchesky. Or just arrange the fixture for after the vote. Any FIFA executives that saw that on Sunday will be outraged."

SKY's actions have even prompted Prime Minister David Cameron to issue an apology to FIFA via the Downing Street Twitter feed. The PM wrote:

@FIFA_Committee Because we support free media we could not prevent this broadcast. However if you re-watch the game you will see that Spurs got lucky lmao. Everyone in England is working hard to make sure Liverpool are back in the top 4 by 2018 #youllneverwalkalone

In order to limit the damage caused by the broadcast the FA have dispatched an envoy to FIFA HQ led by Prince William and Gerry and the Pacemakers who will be handing out signed Liverpool shirts DVDs of 'that' European Cup Final in 2005.

by guest-blogger, Fox Mulder

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For the Spurs v Liverpool match report 'So how do you beat Spurs exactly?', please click here.

Chewbacca does it again

Morning. Commercial break before the days blogging begins. Some daft fun for you giddy faithful in white and blue.

Click on this and watch. Mad skillz from the hairy lump.

Oh we do like a bit of viral, even though its Sky Sports (the evil) but it's perked up my morning so I think I'll live with the hypocrisy I've tainted myself with by sharing it.

To create your own video visit yourteamyourdream.com.

Coming up:

'A day in the life of Arsene Wenger' followed by an evening epic editorial.

Religion of the deluded?

With thanks to Spanish Spur for bringing this article to my attention over at the Guardian. Martin Kettle, the author of said article, cites Liverpool's current financial plight as a means to place football into perspective. No sympathy in fact for something birthed from the 90s in terms of this explosion of football we have practically drowned in during the past couple of decades. He's critical of the monster that has grown in our quaint English garden and shrugs at one of it's falling limbs.

Read it, worth a look. Found this paragraph of interest, and just taking it out of the context of the actual article itself, wonder what you might think of it's sentiments.

Football is a game. Football is entertainment. Yes, it's a really good game. Yes, it's exciting entertainment. Yes, it is hugely enjoyable – or can be – to follow your own team through thick and thin. But that's all. Football is not more than that. It's not the reason we exist. It's not a way of life. It's not even a religion, except inasmuch as it is a comforting delusion. Football doesn't prove anything at all about anything. It certainly does not validate the worth of the disturbingly large number of people, still almost all male, who appear to think that it does. Great footballers are nothing more than great footballers.

He states that you follow your team through thick and and thin - but that's all you do. There is nothing more to it. Just how do you quantify this in terms of emotional attachment? Okay so let's say someone in your family is ill or you have a newborn baby, it's going to take priority. In comparison, there is no comparison. But surely life is made up of building blocks, each as important as the next when handled separately. Why would you compare each block? You well do if say you have to choose between two things, but usually it's just a compromise (I guess this is very subjective).

I have felt physically sick to the depths of my gut when we've lost certain games. I've felt equally sick (if I look back to my teenage years) and one or two girlfriend related heart-breaks. Both incomparable, both with equal measures of impact on my life. Although I got over the females and moved on, but some football results will never be forgotten.

Football not a religion? In this world we (I) live in, you spend most of it filling it up with stuff to get you through one day to the next. TV, music, sex, travel, work (sadly) and hundreds of other activities - some of a necessity others of interest.

It's not the reason I exist, but it's f**king good way to spend some part of my life obsessing over. It doesn't need me to tag it with philosophical reasoning about it's tribal elements or any other form of justification. It's not a way of life, but it's part of our way of life. But it's a huge part of my life, and it runs in the blood, so perhaps there is part of me holding back, not admitting that it's far more important than I wish to believe.

So yeah, just a musing or two here. Agree, disagree? Are we (all of us no matter the club of our choice) just deluding ourselves with one hell of an epic waste of time?

Discuss it amongst yourselves if you want.

Food for thought

Sunday Supplement. On Sky Sports.

I avoid this like the plague, but much like daring biblical middle class day trippers curiously staring at leprosy sufferers, waiting in anticipation for a limb to drop off, just for larfs, I found myself momentarily transfixed at a segment of  this past weekends show. Momentarily, I hasten to add. Before the remote was found and used.

The topic at the time of viewing was Arsenal and their title credentials. Host (Brian Woolnough of the Daily Star, yes the Star, which is apparently a news paper with a sports section) cited the Sam Allardyce quote ("Wenger has the media in his pocket"). This was the catalyst for much hilarity.

John Richardson of the Sunday/Daily Express made a follow-up comment in agreement that Wenger has, at the very least, the London media in his pocket. This was then the cue for Ian Ridley to enter the discussion.

And so began the spectacle.

Ridley (Mail on Sunday, yes, the Mail, which is apparently a news paper with a sports section) went into full-defensive mode and as he explained to the panel how majestic Arsenal are with their hospitality for journalists and how wonderful they are because of it. He went onto explain that Wenger is wonderful and that he supplies a copy to file on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and that the Emirates media suite is wonderful and that they have no trouble going beyond their catering budget to make sure everyone is more than content.

Wonderful.

Then Ridley held back the tears as he told Woolnough ("Is there a point to this?" - he asked) that the oh so lovely media girl at Arsenal was leaving. Heart-breaking stuff. He was clearly devastated, what with holding back the tears.

There is no naivety on my part relating to clubs pampering journalists with preferential treatment. I'm sure it's industry standard, to some degree. Across many industries. You'd be daft to think this sort of thing didn't go on, be it as subtle an approach as you like as far as the hosts are concerned. You have to look after those that can be critical towards you because they can be equally praising and less critical if you are accommodating enough. It's fair to say that for every huddle of hacks who go over-board with the superlatives for them lot across the road, there are many who are unbiased to the core.

Then Ridley out-done himself by just coming out and saying what was so blatantly obvious at this point if you had half-attempted to read between the flimsily held together lines.

He admitted that because of the lengths Arsenal go to in order to pander to said journalists, it places them (the hacks) into a state of mind that will result with 'sympathetic and more empathetic treatment' compared to other clubs who offer lesser facilities and hands-on pampering. So, in this example, unbiased is a word we can't be flaunting around. Ridley doesn't cite any other club.

So, to clarify, Ridley is saying out loud that because of the manner in which he (they) are treated, they are influenced with how they might report on the game or news items involving the club in question.

Back of the net.

Daniel, if you're reading this, I suggest you amend the redevelopment plans and make sure there is a massive suite for the tabloid and broadsheet mob in the new ground. I'm thinking jacuzzi (with accompanying sexy females), mini-golf range, a Michelin chef, Bruce Forsyth who could provide light-hearted humour and do that thing he does where he says he'll 'clear this place' (classic, Bruce, classic) if things get saucy with the bikini clad girls, the Michelin man - hey, why the heck not? And we could also get Harry to write up the actual match reports for the back pages because there'd be no time for the guests to watch the game what with tongues firmly lodged where the sun doesn't shine...and we'll be set to go.

We could even build a dungeon of doom for Matthew Norman deep in the dark depths of the foundations of the new stadium, tied up to a chair Clockwork Orange style, watching never-ending re-runs of Tottenham defeats from the 1990's and flashing imagery of Ramon Vega defending. We could wire up Norman's face to harness the airflow generated from his constant gloomy huffing and puffing facial expressions which could in-turn power the grounds air conditioning system so we can have more money available to spend on black Caviar and Cristal champagne for our esteemed members of the press.

It's a win win situation.

Promised land...it's up ahead

Consistency. It's the most important, vital factor of our journey to the promised land. And by promised land, I am not referring to the Champions League Group Stages. For that will hopefully be our quite frequent seasoned holiday from our domestic plights and challenges. The promised land I'm referring to is the level that the likes of Chelsea and Manchester United bask in. I'm talking elite here. I'm talking certified bona fide Sky Sports Top 4. I do not believe that the EPL is about to structurally alter itself into a far more open league. This, what we have at this present moment regarding Premier League hierarchy, is nothing more than a transitional period. Over the next two/three seasons a new elite will be birthed from the ashes of the old one.

Quite frankly this is the promised land, because once the doors shut, 5th spot and below will return to the dark days watching four clubs dominating and the rest of the chasing pack so far behind that they'll have to squint using binoculars to see them.

The Champions League adventure we wish to have this season is, make no mistake about it, important to our stature and will force others to take note and pay respect. But it has to be earnt, and we have but 90 minutes to do so. If we do, which I believe we will, then even more focus and consistency will be required to guide us through our domestic season to claim another place in amongst the elite next season.

And as for the domestic season, Chelsea and Utd will not fall out of their thrones in the heavens. Arsenal are a curious creature. Proud they don't spend extravagantly on players (apart from untold millions upon millions on player wages). Although many of their fans would point out that if the money was available for them to buy big, they'd be able to perhaps fix one or two positional headaches. But alas, their debt is a far more important objective. It's something to behold, their philosophy, to be one or two steps ahead of everyone else in the league, apart from the top two sides without the necessity of splashing the cash. But it's not going to be enough unless they do something drastic and do it soon. The fallacy? Their youth policy. And empty trophy cabinet. Wenger's commitment to his beliefs should be admired, but in these modern times, it's not enough. Which suits me just fine.

Liverpool, Manchester City. The other two contenders. I will discount both Everton and Villa, and let you work out the reasons, such is their obviousity. I wouldn't say anyone else has the foundations to throw down the gauntlet.

We do. But it's not quite the full package. The right parts are there and the desire and belief components still require a touch of fine tuning. The question is, we discovered a new level last season, can we find a new one this season? Can we take that extra step because the risk of achieving the same performance overall this season, as last, might not be enough if the likes of City or Liverpool perform better than they did. Which they might well do. But they, in my opinion, should not be the ones to concern ourselves with. We need to aim for something, someone of genuine consistency.

I am a keen admirer of Levy and completely back him for not wanting to go down the road of offering players ridiculous wages. Speculate to accumulate you might say. We'd done plenty of that investing in players like Modric and now Sandro. Redknapp made a mockery of previous Spurs landlords, quickly resolving the issues and moulding the team into one that could damage the aspirations of others. We have the players, the balance and the teams above us historically are very much now in our sights, without the need of binoculars.

Consistency. This team has to grow, learn from mistakes and continue to blossom. But has to do so quickly and therefore take risks. So perhaps on this occasion, Levy should look to sign whomever Harry requires as long as the investment is one of quantifiable merits. Gallas? You might think its wrong for a number of rather obvious reasons. But this will be master-stroke. Not of the same quality he was say 4 or so years ago but still enough about him to provide ample experience when required. As for his tears and tantrums, playing in red and white is enough to break anyone.

A tweak here, a tweak there. No need to unbalance the Facere.

City will buy their way into the Top 4. Which means Arsenal are the favourites for the other position. They are the ones of genuine consistency. They are the team we aim for. They might not win silverware, but they finish top 4 each and every season and never truly look like losing out, even when they supposedly struggle. Meaning this:

Finish above Arsenal, and our job will be done. Finish above Arsenal twice and so forth, you do the math. One cycle ends, another begins. There is no guarantee finishing above Liverpool would result in the same thing.

The attitude can only be do or die. It's us or them.

by guest-blogger schrodinger's cat 

Super Spurs

Fixture list for 2011 is out. As you've probably already seen it and read it a dozen times and worked out our potential points tally for the opening five or six games. Doesn't look too daunting this season as there appears to be no 'month from hell' (ala April of season past). Although that particular month of hell in the end turned out to be nothing more than a skip down the yellow brick road.

Obviously the most telling sign of the list is our inclusion in a couple of Sky Sports Super Sundays.

Feels a bit dirty, doesn't it?

Although I don't believe for a second that we will be embraced into the elite or have Howard Webb award as penalties. And I'm sure to compensate our arrival and aid Keyes and Gray, the Big Four will be refereed to us the Big Three (with an additional special mention to Liverpool and their divine right), and we'll continue to sit amongst the chasing pack again. Plucky Spurs, can they do it again? Quite happy for us to be underdogs/written off once more.

Having been scorned for so long as a team deluding ourselves that we could ever possibly finish 4th, having done so, the hype and pressure will now concern the retention of said position - as anything more would be considered a title challenge, and we're not quite up to that standard yet. Although continued stagnation for the likes of Arsenal (and if Liverpool fail to swim above water once more) we might find ourselves flirting with 'it'. Until Chelsea and Utd pull away once more. One step at a time. But if you look at how fragmented the goons were and yet how close they actually came - it's a very thin line between success and failure. And the line is almost as thin, separating us/others and 3rd spot.

Anything less than a sustained challenge to equal or better ourselves (i.e. failure to get into the CL group stages or/and finishing 5th or below) would be a bit gut wrenching. But it's a risk, the latter more so, because of the sheer openness of the Prem these days.

All depends on about a thousand things. I'm sure City will have their own ideas, if they don't muck up their cohesion with another major influx of players. Villa and Everton should never be discounted. And obviously our rivals, West Ham.

For THFC, there are two areas for improvement:

- Not losing to the newly promoted sides at home (or away for that matter). It's a trend we've seen in the past, but even amongst all the glory last season - we still suffered, especially at the Lane

- Winning a game away against a seasoned 'Top 4' side (Utd, Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool)

We've invaded Top 4 space. One of the seasoned members dislodged themselves. Others also harbour ambitions to knock on the door. There's no guest list, it's open invitation. You just have to get there before the lock in.

Fact is, if we do progress and do so with focus and intent and consolidate CL football season in season out, then our standing will change. And that dirty feeling will be near impossible to wash off.

Won't someone please think of the children?

Anyone watch the Carling Cup coverage (Sky Sports) between City and the foetus collective? Platt (commentating), bless him, did his utmost to protect the lickle children running around in diapers (outside the comfort of their home play-den) against the unfair giant uber-experienced strong old old men of Manchester City, including the rather ancient Tevez and his zimmer frame. When they made it 3-0 Platt started to bleat on about how City were always going to win if they took the initiative because, in essence, they had enough to defeat a team of kids. Although Arsenal did play pretty football in the first half. Which is a commodity valued higher than silverware these days. You don't win anything with kids. Well, not with this lot. Eleven kids. Well, actually a team that included four kids and a collection of first team players. That's four kids. Some of which have Champions League experience. But still, kids. It's almost half the starting line-up okay, so give it a rest! It was practically an academy side, ffs. Ok?

Never quite understood how this is meant to work though. Is it okay for kids to play and defeat lesser sides and be proclaimed brilliant/genius/amazing but if they happen to lose against stronger opposition, it's expected and the opposition have sort of indirectly cheated by including 'experienced' players? Doesn't it mean they're just decent young players who are not quite ready for proper football just yet? Seems Wenger continues to embrace this perpetual youth dynasty to ready them for the future by playing them in the CC, yet still throws his toys out the pram when they get dicked. Isn't that part of the learning curve then? And if so, why be so utterly classless in defeat? In addition, if they're that good, why mixed up the line-up with more experienced players? Why not just play a fully strength side and, I don't know, have a day out at Wembley, win something perhaps. It's still a cup. No matter how devalued and insignificant it appears to have become to the 'big clubs'.

No sign either of the Wilshire super-show (I was advised to tune in by a gooner mate and droll) we get when they play < insert Championship team here > at home? Where? Where was it? Ah, don't matter. Just fooling around. There's always next season. When the kids grow up they'll be world beaters. For sure. When they grow up. Them and Peter Pan. Although Wilshire is already showing sublime mannerisms of a textbook Arsenal player, what with the mouthing off and moaning and dirty play.

Then we witness Wenger (he's free to shake hands with whoever he wants) disappearing down the tunnel ignoring a waving Mark Hughes. And why should he even bother hanging around anyway? How very dare City score three goals past his team. Outrageous. But again, understandable. Because City have more experience (key word that). Which equates to fielding a more structured effective balanced side for the occasion. Which helps win games. A lesson we harshly learnt last night when our kids (bite me - our mixture of first teamers and over-rated fringe players) lost to Utd's kids + Gary Neville. Point being, if you select a side that has no balance or strength then don't be so fucking shocked to lose.

Another golden moment in the coverage of the game was when Platt re-wrote history before our very eyes/ears. Arsenal - according to him - lost to Burnley in the semi-final of the Carling Cup last season. Honestly, they did, according to Platt. Season before, they beat Spurs 5-1 at White Hart Lane. Best-selling dvd down at the Emirates that. And people say I'm a melter for suggesting there's an ongoing conspiracy, and yet the vast majority of 'pundits' continue to gag on Top 4 meat. By the way: 3 defeats in a row, scored 0 conceded 7 (domestic games, for the pedants amongst you). Ask Platt and no doubt he'll confirm it's Barcelona's recent La Liga record.

Elsewhere, Robbo saves two pens to end Chelsea's run. It's really nice that these other London clubs are showing solidarity by crashing out the cup too leaving us not so lonely, scratching our heads with regret and bitterness.

Roman Pavlyuchenko ate my squirrel

I'm coming down with a cold. Head hurts, nose is running, lack of sleep. And I'm sadly finding no warmth from any of the news items that have presented themselves to me this morning making Tuesday as bland and boring as Monday was. Even The Sun, celebrating 40 years today, can't muster up anything of interest, informing us that we are after Man Utd's Ben Foster for a cool £6m. Another back-page testament to the age old 1 (Carlo injured in bike accident) +1 (Foster wanting first team football) = 2 (sign for Spurs) system that has proven to be so very successful for them over the years. Sort of make shit up and it sells newspapers.

I might appear to aim a dig or two at the esteemed red-top, but it still serves its purpose. It's no different I guess from any number of message boards that contain posts from people who claim to be in the know about who is about to sign on the dotted line or opinionated and brash fans telling all how they see it. The Sun print stories that are about as reliable as a David Bentley flick. Might look good, but it's completely useless in the grand scheme of things. Like most of the alleged club insider stories that we are treated to on-line. We read exclusives that contain no direct quotes or actual conclusive evidence. But it's ok because it mentions a 'close friend' or 'club source' as confirmation that the info at hand must be credible because they can't reveal names as it's come from someone who has to retain their anonymity. And how can you possibly argue against massive bold capital words?

For the more astute (that's practically everybody with an ounce of common sense) you'll also have noticed that rather superb trick of printing every transfer scenario imaginable, regardless of just how made-up it is because there's a calculated chance of one of them sticking and if it does then it allows them to re-print the winning story, with the date highlighted, and the smug claim they were in first with the news.

It's such a complex science. Newspapers gloating about how they printed the story before anyone else, even though most papers tend to just read message boards and rehash the nonsense they read on-line. Did I mention that already? Of course I did. I'm recycling. Another gem of the modern day sports press. Quiet time? Go ahead, just re-print a story from two weeks ago, dress it up a little bit by using even older quotes not used last time round and make it look like its brand new gossip. It's a never-ending tapestry of half-truths. If someone notices, who cares, they'll be hundreds of message board forums jam-packed with discussion threads about the story at hand, even if there is little substance to it.

So what possible purpose does it all serve? As a generalisation, the window to football supplied by the likes of The Sun basically mirrors the common man's pub drink chatter on the beautiful game. We all exaggerate and make assumptions and discuss the latest rumours and stories. Tabloids are almost akin to a memo reminding us where our topic of conversation(s) should head towards. Newspapers like The Sun fuel said conversations and incite debate. Even if it all stems from the most basic of platforms. They've even got our Harry on board. And that's the appeal. Quick, easy access - nothing to strain the brain. Big photos and small words. It's made for easy consumption. Harry and his self-publicity sound-bite editorials are a joy to behold. It's far from ground-breaking journalism but its likely to make you turn to the next person and talk about it. Not quite as controversial as it would have you believe, just safe…with a hint of knock-down ginger rather than a brick through the window.

Yeah sure, there's always a hint of Top 4 elitism and favouritisms creeping in with plenty of dour Matthew Norman types depressing their way through match reports. Transparent, but not overwhelmingly patronising as Norman himself over at that freebie paper, The Evening Standard.

If it wasn't for their simplicity of dressing down football then we wouldn’t be blessed with the likes of Sky Sports News, which is a little bit like a 2D version of the Sports pages of The Sun just without the Page 3 girls. Talking of tits, their presenters reach such heights of giddiness over complete non-events that it becomes watchable by virtue of the pantomime at hand.

"We're outside the Spurs training ground, and that might be David James in the land rover that just drove past. Can't be sure, but if it is, he'll be here for a last minute medical and will sign for Spurs. Nope, actually, he's in Portsmouth, but we're just hearing that Anton Ferdinand is about to sign for Spurs…"

Love it.

Whether it's a reporter outside a football ground with delusional/happy fans jumping up and down or the flash of the yellow ticker telling us that they understand xxx is about to sign for xxx, it's essential viewing because you don't want to miss how many times the same bit of news can be repeated with such a consistently high level of enthusiasm.

My personal favourite was the evening that Sky exclusively told everyone that Barcelona captain Puyol was practically Spurs bound, only for the yellow ticker to suddenly disappear and for the accompanying web page story to go missing. Not another mention of it. Ever. It was almost like someone had gone with the story based on the word of someone else who just blurted out a randomly selected well known player, even if there was no suggestion he would ever consider leaving the Camp Nou let alone join us. As if. Yet there it was, scrolling across the screen.

The Sun, Sky…everyone proclaims to hate them yet people keep on reading and watching. I'm one of those people. It's a bit like the X-Factor. It's a winning formula that never needs to change it's format in a huge way and even when it's controversial or just plain silly its popularity isn't effected. Even if it's critically condemned it's usually by the very same people who claim to dislike it yet can't stop talking about it. Christ I hate the twins. Hate them with a passion, but can't ever see myself looking the other way and ignoring them. But that's the magic of Murdoch's The Sun and Sky Sports News. As for Cowell and Jedward, nice lads, who can't sing. Much like Juddlestone at Spurs. Nice lads, who can't play football.

So here's to a further 40 years of botched up predictions, agendas and propaganda, columnists and their egos, regurgitated agent transfer talk and all the exclusives we can handle.

Keep on whoring...