“four-keane-hell for Burnley” - quote of the week

Has this been discussed much on other forums?

Gary Linker is at the centre of a storm for the most ridiculous of reasons after Saturday’s Match of the day show. He ended highlights of Spurs beating Burnley 5-0 by saying “four-keane-hell for Burnley”. The Beeb edited the comment from Sunday’s re-run and fans were quick to complain with one online commenter saying “Poor stuff, he’s a real prat these days. Shall we all complain to the Beeb?”

A BBC spokeswoman said: “As it was transmitted close to midnight it was decided there was little risk of offending.”

Lineker is also in hot water with Liverpudlians because as Fernando Torres walked away with the match ball after his hatrick against Hull, Lineker said “I hope he keeps it somewhere safe”. This was seen as a reference to burglaries on Merseyside and particularly those involving Liverpool players on match days.

Ridiculous.

Caught both his remarks, and I do admit laughing out loud at his oh so subtle but obvious Torres one. The Keane effort was out-standing and had me hitting the rewind on Sky+ to make sure I heard it right. Anyone who complained should be re-directed to my girth, to which they can choke on.

I'd like to lodge a formal complaint about how dismissive Hansen was of Tottenham's display, almost jealous that Spurs had won 5-0, taking a little bit off the shine off Liverpool's 6-1 - with Keane notching 4 compared to the 3 from Torres. How dare we grab a share of the headlines.

I'm not alone in noticing his smirk arrogant grin aimed at Lineker who was happy with Spurs mauling Burnley. It was almost like Hansen was telling him to get back in his box, because it was only Burnley. You know, Burnley, who according to Hansen defended worst much worst....hundreds of times worst than Hull did.

Is it too difficult to just say both Hull and Burnley were both as bad as each other with their lack of defensive organisation? And that Spurs and Liverpool were efficient, confident and clinical?

When we win, its because the other team are shite. Not enough about how professional we were. We lose, and its a massive massive victory for the opposition who tore us to shreds.

The conspiracy and on-going anti-Spurs agenda continues. We lose - we're shit. The teams that beat us - are worthy champions. Figure that one out.

Ah, I'm only jesting. Seriously though, the people who phoned the BBC to complain. You dizzy motherf*ckers. As for Gary, don't let them gag you mate. Your love of Spurs in this Sky Sports dominated world warms me in the coldest of winter nights.

Kanye West gate-crashes iconic moments in the history of Tottenham Hotspur

Kanye West gate-crashes iconic moments in the history of Tottenham Hotspur along with an additional cameo or two...

Click on the above image to access the full gallery

 COYS

Challenge Spurs™ - Spurs 5 Burnley 0

Challenge Spurs™...and so it begins. The 5 star quest for 15 points saw us claim the first three with a five goal haul at the Lane against the tidy-playing-but-limp Burnley. Five goals, four of which came from the boot of a certain much-maligned Robbie Keane, back up front rather than out on the left flank. The question of the day is: How do you define a good performance? I always find that whether you're at the game or at home watching it, as a fan, you'll always going to be a touch more critical. Its natural for us to think certain players perhaps under-performed and probably even more likely to exaggerate the performance of others.

Personally, I thought today was the type of result that does this wee little club a world of good. Professional without the need for absolute dominance. We didn't exactly boss the game. In fact Burnley can be proud of the amount of possession they had, but aside from Carlo in goal doing his best Robinsonisms, they never quite stressed out our make-shift central defence pairing of Huddlestone and Bassong. Tommy hardly put a foot wrong. Sure there were some wayward passes from other players (including Tom) and one or two guilt-edged chances (a Keane one-on-one and Defoe placing the ball the wrong side of the post). But all in all, you can't complain (you just can't) when your team has 13 shots on goal, 6 on target and scores 5 of them. Happy days.

So, main positives to take from the game? Niko - still probably not 100% match-fit - slotted in very well on the left-flank. Obviously doesn't have the touch and vision of Moddle, but the boy does have a bit of that Tottenhamesque class about him and thus allowed us to resort back to a more traditional balanced structure. Jenas was great today. Ok, so it's the type of opposition that he tends to turn up for but it's clean-slate for JJ as he seemed to rise to the occasion at the back end of last season alongside Palacios (although it must be pretty easy to play alongside the Monster from Honduras). Wilson did his usual patrolling around the centre of the pitch scaring anyting in claret and blue and Jenas was therefore free to roam forward and play one or two delicious passes.

Defoe was off key a little bit. Broke/dislocated a finger (or was it fingers?) and went off to be replaced by Crouch. We seem to be spoilt at the moment with forwards who are hungry to impress. Peter almost scoring himself late on. Also good to see we didn't resort to aiming for his head every single time. He can play with his feet too damn it! He can!

As for Keane. How many of you thought 'textbook' when he missed that first one-on-one? Made amends with the second (from the spot) thanks to a clumsy tackle by Bikey on JD. And that was our cue to relax a little bit. Although we were obviously comfortable in first gear and one or two passes were still going astray, when we did decide to play - the difference in class was massive. We played some rather wonderful stuff in that first half. Burnley, bless 'em, are not too shabby with their play either but they simply never took any of their half chances (even with CC lending a helpful hand). We took ours every time.

After Fletcher had a goal disallowed and Defoe and his sitter, we made it 2-0. JJ, shot, deflection, deserved. More tasty moments from us, including a lovely run from Aaron who could have hit it himself but opted to play it across the six yard box. Signs we would score more. Doubt anyone was worried about surrendering our lead (well apart from one or two moaning gits).

Second half wasn't as fluid as the first, but the quality in spurts was more than evident.

3-0. JJ threads a delightful (delightful - worth mentioning twice) ball inside the fullback to Lennon who cut back to Keane who smashed it into the roof of the net.

4-0. Keane, defeating JD's nemesis The Offside Trap, notched up a hat-trick thanks to a lofted pass from that versatile-thank-the-lord-we-never-sold-him-to-Fulham Huddlestone.

Then the moment we've all been waiting for. 24 games in the making. Gareth Bale on. The hoodoo shudders. It knows its time is over. Ok, so as someone on GG so eloquently put it, if you were a virgin you'd rather work hard at getting the girl you fancy to sleep with you rather than have your mates pay a blindfolded prostitute to do the anti-climatic deed. Thank you DHSF for the miserable analogy. Regardless, Bale is now part of a squad of 'winners'. A team with no apologetic deficiencies, as I'll always argue that Spurs would have failed to win those 24 games even if Bale didn't make an appearance in any given one of them. He was simply a victim of our medrocrity.

Also - welcome back Daws. I love you man. That big goofy smile. How can anyone not love him?

In the mean time, The Jig scored his fourth and Spurs goal number 5, sneaking the ball through the keepers legs and in off the post. A resounding two-finger salute to all the critics. This Keane is on fire.

Ok, so reality check, its Burnley and we should be winning these games regardless. But we've been here before many times and we've slipped up here many times. A more stern test up next away to Bolton - and one that will tell us far more than today's rout. But damn it, I'm going to celebrate the fact that we're moving onwards and upwards. 5 wins from 7 games. That's got my balls tingling and I ain't gonna scratch 'em.

So how do you define a good performance?

This was a good performance. We punished a side that played too much football and had very little bite. And we punished them good.

And a clean sheet.

Add to it Chelsea getting dicked 3-1 at Wigan. Pretty decent day.

The Strike-Force

The world is forever changing. And with it, so do the Astonishing S-Men.

Welcome to the next chapter.

With the Levy Institute for Mediocre Learning set to be re-built along with a new School for the Ungifted, the worldwide headquarters of the S-Corporation based in N17 is embracing a brave new world. White with streaks of yellow the uniform colours synonymous with the North London evolution in their continued battle with the Pundits and Keyboard Warriors, along with the ever present Sky Sports Four. There are enemies to be seen in every direction. These are troubled times. A time in need for heroes.

To make sure the competitive nature always remains at a high unparalleled level, a new special team has been put together to hurt the opposition and aid the progression of Professor L's Lilywhite agenda.


This is the S-Men. This is S-Men: Strike-Force.


Mr Triffic

Species: Manager.
Notable aliases: Houdini, The Twitch, The Escapist.
Team responsibility: Team leader and father figure. It's his role to select the attack formations and guide his men to victory. And hug. Plenty of arms around shoulders and tight tight hugging.
Abilities: The overseer of curricula and academic aspects, teaching the science of football and the complex mathematics of passing the ball from one white shirt to another, using simple physic techniques with Hex commands, i.e. 'run around a lot and kick it in the net'. Capable of reality warping, manifested as probability alteration. Can alter reality with the words “Down to barebones” and "Two points, eight games" that results with an exceptional level of commitment and effort from his team.
Other strengths: Can summon back departed S-Men who have lost their way in the wilderness. Is also able to teleport from one location to the next in a blink of an eye.
Footnote: It's said that his one weakness is The Brown Kryptonite, but there is no evidence to suggest of its existence and it's ability to corrupt him.
Quote: "You wouldn't hit a man with a twitch would you?"


The Jig

Species: Forward.
Notable aliases: The Windmill, Cartwheel, Shouty Pointy Man.
Team responsibility: The commanding officer of the Strike-Force. Deep cover agent, incognito, with the uncanny ability to dis-balance the oppositions defensive game-plan with subtle flicks and movements, leaving them in a dizzying state of fear.
Main abilities: Is able to transcend through space and time, allowing his essence to exist momentarily five seconds ahead of everyone else meaning he can drift and run into space that isn't yet available in the present. This may appear to leave his fellow S-Men in a state of confusion as they can't quite figure out where he is until he returns to the 'present'. The journey back is not deemed to be an easy one with the subsequent pain resulting with indistinguishable screams and flapping of arms. But his influence, invisible to the untrained eye, remains indisputable and without challenge.
Other strengths: Lighting fast arm reflexes with possible hypnotic undertones when waved around at high velocity speeds.
Footnote: In one of his darkest moments, having been brainwashed by the evil mastermind, The Waiter, The Jig's powers were practically decimated during his imprisonment, where he was tortured and humiliated week in week out by his sadistic keeper. Some say, since his return to Professor L's Institute, he has been irreversibly damaged by this damning experience leaving many to question why he is given the responsibility to lead the team.
Quote: "You wanna play with The Jig? Here, pick a pass!"


Defcon

Species: Striker.
Notable aliases: The Black Greaves, Flash, Pocket Dynamite, The Sex.
Team responsibility: The main outlet for decisive single-minded attacks. Only needs a second to render the opposition null and void with devastating strikes of power. Blink and you'll miss him - and then you'll regret it.
Main abilities: Is said to have been born with the chaos gene that allows him to run ragged any opposing defensive line placed in his path in the field of battle. Explosive burst of pace, power in feet, strength and determination - considered to be the poster-boy of the Strike-Force. There are whispers he is the illegitimate son of Mr Triffic, but the bloodline remains unproven.
Other strengths: Insatiable, lust magnet that has the women falling at his feet. Some say his skills in the bedroom are just as explosive as the fireworks he produces during missions. A trail of devestated women would suggest this to be the case.
Footnote: Is known to produce erratic displays when faced with his old time nemesis, The Offside Trap, who possesses the power to drag him back away from an attacking position, leaving him frustrated and ineffective.
Quote: "Here I am in your personal space so go ahead and open up"


The Interpreter

Species: Russian to English interpreter.
Notable aliases: The Man on the Touch-line.
Team Responsibility: He is best known as the Safekeeper of the Russian Ghost, better known to most as 'The Guardian of the Pavlyuchenko' - which is a mystic supernatural force descended from Russia. The 'Pav' has to be called upon using a secret calling, but can only appear for short periods of time. It's up to the Interpreter to make sure his transition into this world and subsequently into Strike-Force duty is one without difficulties.
Main abilities: The Interpreter is the only known person who is able to communicate with The Pav and is able to provide direct instructions to him, based on Mr Triffic's requirements.
Other strengths: The Pav himself is a mysterious entity, one that can be vital in situations that warrant desperate measures. But because of the fragile nature of his existence it's also deemed to be a risk to summon his presence in the midst of battle as its impossible to predict the impact he will have. The Pav is isolated and alone most times and has a somewhat apologetic nature as he struggles to adapt to this world, preferring the comfort of his true home, but at times does show glimpses of what he could do if he was permanently pulled from the netherworld into this one.
Footnote: The Interpreter and  Mr Triffic have unresolved issues and the relationship is strained meaning that The Pavs influence on the Strike-Force is growing weaker with each passing day. So much so that nobody is quite sure whether his presence, when called upon, would be detrimental to the team.
Quote: "No comment" (Interpreter) 
"Its time, to quote the vernacular, to Rock and Roll" (The Pav - translated from Russian)


Project 'Peter'

Species: Forward.
Notable aliases: The Robot, Rodney, The Tall One, Freak Boy.
Team responsibility: Plan B. Causes an altogether different type of problem by being difficult to defend against thanks to his unorthodox attacking flair which is disguised by his awkward stance.
Main abilities: Genetically altered human, part-man part-robot. The only part-machine member of the strike-force gives him an advantage over others during air attacks thanks to his height. Used routinely as a target/point man in emergency attack formations.
Other strengths: Can momentarily fly and guide missiles on target with devastating yet sublime precision. The robotic part of his brain is capable of stupendous mathematical calculations and processing power that he not only uses during his offensive duties but also socially, as he endeavours to 'fit into' a world where tall people with imbedded CPU's are dismissed as freaks. Peter was able to run a complex social discourse algorithm which covered off every possible question/answer scenario for a one-on-one discussion allowing for best possible selection to achieve the maximum success (with an estimated 0.0000000001% chance of failure) when attempting to find a female for mating purposes. He pulled Abbey Clancy on his very first calculation attempt. The algorithm rules.
Footnote: Great touch for a robot.
Quote:"0110110101111001001000000110111001100001011011010110010100100000011010010111
00110010000001110000011001010111010001100101011100100010000001101001001000000111011
10110000101101110011101000010000001110100011011110010000001100010011001010010000001
111001011011110111010101110010001000000110011001110010011010010110010101101110011001
000000110100001010"




Welcome to the future…Lilywhites.

I love Teh Trunk

Episode III: The Derby

Can't get enough of this. Click here for Teh Trunk's blog.

Spurs site self-pwns itself

Out-sourcing content for cheap web design cost and implementation.

Works everytime.

First yellow streaks on the white home shirt. And now this. Paul Barber is destroying the very fabric of this great club.

Heads will roll.

Congrats to Harry...good work fella

36 league games. 18 wins. 7 draws. 11 defeats. Scored 52. Conceded 43. 1.69 points per game average.

14 cup games. 8 wins. 3 draws. 3 defeats. Scored 34. Conceded 17. 73% won.

Trffic.

Congratulations to Harry Redknapp and reaching 50 games as Spurs guv.

We play with balance and structure. With intent and style. Players playing for each other. Players playing in their strongest positions. There's some guile in there along with plenty of pride and passion. And when we lack these virtues, we bunk up with lady-luck. We are professional when faced with lesser opposition (was that another 5-1 victory last night?) and regardless of the disappointment of the last two league games, there's no doubt we will look to make amends with Burnley visiting the Lane on Saturday.

Harry has made us consistent. More focused. Still plenty of work to be had. We have injury issues at CB. Another CM is required. Set-pieces need improving. There are players that may or may not be here cometh the end of the next transfer window. As much as we need to develop a siege mentality to get us through games against the Sky Sports elite clubs, it wont happen over night. We just have to keep working at it.

Losing to both Utd and Chelsea might hurt, but one step at a time. If we beat everyone other than those two we'd do just fine. Points won against Top 4 clubs has never amounted to much in our overall tally. Not dropping points away and at home against bottom 10 clubs is the foundation to build on. Nothing insightful here. Just the plain obvious. And that's where Harry has worked so well. Unlike his predecessor who made a mess of selection and tactics. And ex-legends who tried to play a brand of football that the players were not capable of. Harry and his 'run around a lot and kick it in the net' philosophy. Who'd have thought, hey?

Beating Arsenal and Man City however is something I'd love to see us work towards.

Roll on. More of the same please.


--


Sol Campbell. I've read some pretty ridiculous things in the past day, posted by Spurs fans trying to justify to themselves how re-signing him would actually work regardless of the 'history'. Granted these remarks were made on message boards. And there's no reason to even entertain them. But I'll do so anyway. As a general FAO to any simpleton who still harbours some demented perverted desire to see this Benedict Arnold don our colours again.

Reasons for an ear-bleeding inducing unequivocal 'no'?

Firstly, he lied and left us for them lot on a free and followed it up by genuinely believing he did nothing wrong and believed the abuse aimed at him on his first return to the club had racial connotations and nothing to do with anything else.
Secondly, he's quite obviously not quite right in his head if he's signing for a club then quitting a game later. It's a trend.
Thirdly, he's not as good as people assume he is, much like the obsession many have with Patrick Vieira. Just because you performed well in the past doesn't mean you still can today.
And finally, only the first reason above is of any worthy consequence in a discussion about whether we'd take him back. It's not even a discussion, it’s a dismissal and slap across the back of the head for person suggesting it.

Only a very small minority are whispering their opinion on what would be their theoretical approval of welcoming back 'Mr Tottenham Hotspur'. The reality is altogether different. Harry knows he'd ruin what he has with us if he attempted to bring him back. Levy wouldn't even consider it. But the greatest fail-safe is that the player himself is probably telling people he'd never return to Spurs because of the way the fans have treated him since he's left.

I'd rather we sell Modric to Utd for £2M and re-sign Gary Doherty and play him in central midfield as our playmaker.

Cheeky bid for Gary Neville?

Been discussing attitude recently on this blog. My favourite statement at the moment is "No siege mentality, no determination to right the wrongs..." - a testament to the difference between us and the likes of Man Utd and one or two other clubs up there at the top. Carrick, when he left us for Old Trafford, was critical of the acceptance attitude at WHL. Players accepted defeat, it was something that didn't appear to hurt players enough. Harry has been citing Gary Neville's reaction on the sidelines during the City game as an example of togetherness. Players on the bench that kick every ball and celebrate every goal.

It's a constant wanting to play every game and win. Defeat is inexcusable. Carrick also famously cited how players sat in a comfort zone, with some not wanting to show up others and there was almost a culture of under-achievement on an individual basis, which obviously works its way through the team - so the overall mentality is one of mediocrity. This is all very much a generalisation, but I'm not alone in thinking we've been powder-puff for far too long, without leadership and guile. Far too many ego's. A stepping stone, an arena, where you prove you are decent enough to look upwards at a CL club to swoop in and poach.

Harry has began the process of change. Team spirit has evidently improved, be it on the pitch or on the bench. One or two sulky faces still persist, and I guess it's here that we lag a good light year behind the likes of United. But to achieve something akin to what Fergie has done at United is not exactly a peace of piss. We still have players who think as individuals rather than part of the collective of the squad. The more you win, the more unacceptable defeat becomes.

I love 'arry because he talks straight. No nonsense. Ok, so he talks a lot and has an opinion about everything, but what he does well is see what we see, rather than shrug and state that he's been left scratching his head.

How do we exactly go about building this mentality? How do Spurs players become Spurs fans? Easier said than done. Fergie's empire began in a different era of football. The fact that the Top 4 site in their thrones means that there is always another level for the modern player to aim for when he plays for the likes of Spurs, Villa, Everton etc.

I guess its partly up to us to support the team vocally - as ever - and Harry to gradually change the mind-set of the players. Losing has to hurt more than anything. Not that it doesn't (for us), but the players have to feel sick to see points lost.

Signing players like Wilson Palacios is how we work towards it. Players who work at a tempo that inspires others around him to match his tenacity. When we see the first example of a siege mentality then we can begin to smile a little more and the players - having experienced the very fact they can lift their game to a higher level - will know that if they can do it in one game, there is no excuse to fail in the next. We need a couple of giant personalities in the side that have an unnerving warrior stance out on the field, barking out orders to players, encouraging them and giving them what for if any heads drop down. It's the type of confidence that flirts with arrogance.

Every opponent should be treated the same. No discrimination. Go out there and pull the fuckers apart.

The season starts here...

Ok, shake off the hangover of two successive defeats. Losing to the elite clubs is not relevant as we are not part of the Top 4 Sky Sports Grand Slam Super League. And as long as we impress and win in our other games we'll be in with a solid chance of challenging for the second tier Premier Title. 5th spot has never looked so appetising.

Ok, so we're missing Modric. Boo-hoo. We're not a one man team. Ok, so King is out injured again. And arguably we're a two-man team but even with these two monster players on the sidelines and Woodgate lost in the abyss of confusion with his mystery injury - we still have plenty to drag ourselves upwards and through the next month and a bit. No excuses. No typical knee-jerk confidence drainers. Forget Webb and his incompetency. Forget the injuries. Dig deep. Battle hard. We need to start taking responsibility and taking it out of the hands of the officials and reclaim residency of our own destiny.

One of my readers nailed it with this rather simplistic statement:

"No siege mentality, no determination to right the wrongs..."

Nail on the head. Harry has some work to do. The players need to find the next level of play. The aim should be that by the time Modric is back and ready for action, we're flying, and his return to the side is effortless, lifting us up further as the Spurs faithful struggle with their nosebleeds.

Ooh, I do like a bit of romanticisation.

This time last season some of you guys and girls will remember a certain series of games that carried significant importance. Yep, I'm referring to the epic 'The Dirty Dozen - Challenge Spurs™'. Harry's first 12 Prem games in our quest for survival. Emotional days. Click here to re-live all those scary moments that had you shivering under the covers, knowing that the creature under the bed would attack if it could smell your fear.

Last season's zany antics

But the challenge this time round is altogether different. Take last seasons prem table and turn it upside down. Failure would still be deemed as depressive. When isn't it? But unlike last term when we were God awful and playing our way into the Championship, this time round we are looking at a far more appeasing target. This isn't an official launch of the new Challenge Spurs series as I've yet to carefully craft a snazzy campaign poster. Think of this as a pre-launch party.

So, what's the actual challenge at hand? Five games.

(H) Burnley
(A) Bolton
(A) Pompey
(H) Stoke
(A) Arsenal

Five massive performances required. We've got 12 points as of right now. Am I being greedy asking for 12 more points before we play the scum away? Burnley will no doubt be plucky. Bolton away is a match where we hardly ever get anything out of. Pompey away sees Harry return to his old stomping ground. And Stoke at home is one of those 'we'll win this Shirley' games.

If we plan to look towards 6th/5th with any true intent and claim a deserved open bus parade, then we should be aspiring for another professional and clinical four game run. The Arsenal away game we can discuss at a later date. Because I'm hoping we go into that match on the back of another run of victories. Would make the game fairly significant.

So it's up to Harry to just take a moment to relax and not over think things tactically, obsessing how best to deal with the Luka conundrum. Against Burnley I'd simply play our original formation, swapping Niko for the absent Moddle. Left-wing sorted.

Stability aiding consistency and confidence.

CB positions obviously the main bugbear at the moment thanks to the decimation of our backline. Huddlestone to slot in at the back? Fingers crossed Dawson isn't too far off. It's also time for Gomes to return between the sticks. Crouch is deserving of a start up front with JD. Harry has to place the club in ahead of any individual, even one wearing a captains armband. Drop Keane for a game. It's ok. The universe won't collapse in on itself.

We have a decent tally of points. And the end-game of this brand spanking new Challenge is this:

13 points. Minimum.

No pressure.

Is the wrong way the right way?

For arguments sake (we all know it's fantasy) let's say someone outside the current Top 4 manages to gatecrash one of the CL positions, sneaking in and remaining there not just for a single cameo season but for several years. Cementing their place as one of the Sky Sports favourites.

Obviously, with this new-founded success comes various welcoming bonus additions courtesy of eager to please referees, the suddenly soft-hearted FA and the usual drivel from the media that aids their stature further.

Let's say it happened to us (stop laughing).

Do we start to embrace a team of c*nts, justifying every obvious cringe-making cheat ethic as something that's a necessity? You need to be arrogant and you need to be hypocritical. Add to the mix thousands of glory hunters joining the ranks doing their utmost to prove they are loyal fans and have been since the beginning of time by wearing various assortments of club merchandise including three scarfs and a tracksuit, preferring to savour the moment via snapshot on their mobile than share true emotion that comes with a goal celebration.

I'm wondering, is there any hope of bucking the trend?

There was another stand out moment for me in the Chelsea v Spurs game, other than that penalty decision that did not go our way. It's a two-parter, with the first part starring Drogba. You might know him from various football incidents such as 'My losing battle with gravity' and 'Losing Gravity II - Gravity wins again'.

The Drog, dying on the ground, is left there while Spurs move forwards with the ball. Chelsea fans protest at their crippled brethren who is desperate for treatment meaning the good attacking position attained results with the ball kicked out of play. Keane doing the 'right thing' even though it's up to the ref to stop the game. Play resumes and Spurs do not receive the ball back. Part two sees Ledley King turn and fall to the grown in agony, pulling up knowing full well he wont be getting back up again to take part in the game. So what do Chelsea do? They continue with their attack and almost steal in with a goal.

Of course, some might point out the goal scored in the 2006 season at Highbury where two gooners crashed into each other and Spurs played on with Davids playing in Keane for 1-0. Play acting on the part of both of the Arsenal players. But a true wannabe Top 4 reaction from Spurs.

"Fuck 'em"

More of the same please in future. No point waiting to get into a CL position. Just play like you're there already.

Ta.

Sky Sports 3 Tottenham Hotspur 0

Has anyone picked up and read today's copy of The Sun, that bastion of impartial reporting? No? Ok, no worries. Let me share with you some key moments from the match report from the Chelsea v Spurs game.

And despite Harry Redknapp's side having tested Chelsea in all areas until then, the contest was over.

- Was it really? How so? Do games end when one the home team takes a 1-0 lead? Was it that one-sided that the white towels were raining down on Stamford Bridge?

Redknapp complained bitterly that Robbie Keane should have had a penalty nine minutes into the second half but the claim was more doubtful than the outcome.

- Are you blind? I guess you would be down there on your knees taking it. Learn to close your eyes. It's what all the best starlets do.

The same cannot be said of Ricardo Carvalho's on Keane but the reaction of the Spurs skipper led to justice, regardless of the claims. Carvalho did make contact but Keane initially stayed on his feet before tumbling like a stuntman. Ref Howard Webb waved away the appeals and even refused to book Keane for diving - despite his insistence he should get one if there was no foul. All of this, however, was an example of wasted energy from Spurs.

- Possibly one of the most ludicrous statements made in any match report. Ever. Well, this weekend at the very least. But this is The Sun we're talking about. Ironically a paper Harry writes for - so should be interesting to see how he plans to use his column in this losing war of propaganda and distortion to fight the fight. Tumbling like a stuntman? Yes, we beat you 2-1 at Upton Park. Dry them. Wasted energy? What like the Top 4 clubs waste energy chasing down and attempting to influence the ref, week in week out? Or are you too busy begging for another moneyshot in the face to notice?

Chelsea are top of the league, a 100 per cent record and playing well - who could ask for more?

- Whoop-de-do. What more could any of us possibly ask for? I'm sitting stroking myself I'm so happy that no boat has been rocked and that the status quo is still in it's divine place, up there in the Gods. You absolute wound of a journalist.

There you go. Fact turned to fiction in one simplistic match report. I guess asking a West Ham fan (Ian McGarry) to report on a Spurs game will always result with this type of bullshit, appeasing the untouchable aura of a Top 4 club. Shame on anyone who though it was a pen, right? Even though it was, it wasn't actually a penalty because saying that Spurs could have had a way back into the game would be stating that Chelsea could have possibly suffered for it. The very thought is blasphemy.

Ok, look. I'm not going to start throwing conspiracy theories all over the place about how ref's consciously or subconsciously protect the members of the Sky Sports Super league, making sure that key decisions at key moments always go their way. You can argue that its just coincidental in that the standard of referring isn't particularly good and that these types of decisions can go either way. Except if you add them up you'll find them stacked up against us. Although I've heard plenty of Man Utd fans say the same thing about ref's and their side, so it's all in the eye of the beholder.

However, how can you not be bitter when the same incompetent clown - who gave Utd  a pen last season at OT when we were 2-0 up - decides that Keane wasn't fouled on Sunday afternoon? Did he not see it clearly? Did he think Keane dived? If so where was the yellow card? And if he believed Robbie lost his balance, logically, would that not have been because he was tripped? Key decision, key moment. And then we're 2-0 down within two minutes.

There were other moments in the game that had me in facepalm mode. Defoe brought down just outside the area was one example. God forbid we get a freekick just outside the box. Damn it, I want to see Huddlestone smack the ball into the wall…do not deny me this!

Webb's lack of performance aside, we didn't look too bad in the first half. Second half, it all went wrong. From the no-penalty to King going off injured (game over for certain at this point) and then Bassong off on a stretcher. We lost shape. We lost hope. It was comfortable for them. It was lucky it stayed at 3-0.

We are desperately missing Modric and having Utd and Chelsea in the first two games without him have not helped as Harry has looked at shaping the team in a certain why to live with the both of them and it hasn't worked. On Sunday, their fullbacks enjoyed plenty of success. And yes, it would be nice to one day see us take moments of injustice and truly take the game by the scruff rather than heads dropping downwards. Are we a one-man team? Nope. But we could have done with far more comfortable fixtures.

But that's neither here or there. We lacked full pelt effort at home to United and no luck at Chelsea. The harsh reality is we are some way off from the Top 4. We knew that before both of these games. What we need, now and again, is for people like Webb to avoid blatant fuck-ups and award decisions our way. Because that sort of decision can possibly aid us in producing one of those type of upsets that people like Richard Keyes have nightmares about. It seems that the difference between us and sides like Chelsea sometimes come down to the ref rather than the players on the pitch.

I'd like us to work towards a level where our destiny within the 90 minutes is completely in our hands and we win games with football and not the ref's whistle. That way there are no ready-made excuses and what-if's. Because there is nothing worse than the day after being spent thinking about how the game could have turned out differently.

Will blog some more about the game later.

Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday

I love this guy.

Charlie Nicholas and Paul Merson banging on about how the boy Ade needs to be severely punished for his celebration and how it was ridiculous for him to run the full length of the pitch and slide in front of the away end. Then Stelling shows the clip of Henry doing it to Spurs and suddenly Nicholas/Merson get all sheepish and change their minds completely.

Textbook. Transparent. Insufferable.

Nicholas and Merson ENDED on live tv. Lovely stuff.