Small team beats big team

That was over at the Emirates. At Upton Park, a very average side without a win in the EPL beat a supposedly good side on paper that were in fact abjectly shit for the best part of 90 minutes, apart from a few long shot efforts from midfield.

No desire. No functionality with the line-up. No enforcement of a defensive nature. It was wrong. Unbalanced and without that vital ingredient of sustained effort. Momentum? What momentum? It's all slip slip slipping way at the moment.

Yet you'd still think we'd have enough about us to win it regardless of the rested/injured players and slight tinkering, considering the side West Ham lined-up with. No excuses, right? Alas, no. Not this seasons Spurs. Full of excuses. Seems that playing players in their not so best positions is suddenly a recipe for mediocrity. But that is almost an after thought for the lack of certified positive attitude.

Two issues. Firstly, there is no apparent plan or reaction to the tempo set by the opposition. No willingness to say, spend the next ten minutes nullifying the threat being posed or taking the sting out of the ball. Getting our hands dirty, playing ugly. In fact, if you take a further step back you could perhaps ask why we did not swagger into East London and just take the game to them. Believing we would win, wanting to win, and applying pressure until their fragile little legs snapped. This was the side rock-bottom before 3pm. But no. It was the complete opposite out on the pitch.

Well done to West Ham. They showed desire. They just pushed forward and that was enough, whilst we responded with cameo-shots. We kept Green on his toes, but Carlo was equally at hand to save us from conceding a second. A number of times. The first and only goal, a header, laughable defending. And that was job done for the home side.

So, what's the crux?

Can we seriously not perform if we shuffle players around? I'm beginning to get tired of this excuse. We have last season to compare our players to, and they are falling short at the moment. This is starting to reek of mental strength; lack of. Our old friend.

My thoughts:

Cudicini - Kept us in it. Although there was no point (or points) at the end, what with yet another no-show for our offensive tally of goals.

Huddlestone and Jenas -  Did not work. I remember there was a time when this partnership clicked. Today, it was pish. Hudd was anonymous. Jenas tried, for all his heart can give, but was easily beaten in the centre by Parker and co. Lose it there and you'll be second best all afternoon. Sandro and Palacios, using the magic of hindsight would have been better options for one or the other. Even with Wilson's lack of form, he would have at the very least given us some bite (be it erratic). Sandro, having been baptised in that abomination of a NLD the other day, would not have found today any more daunting. Also - Hudd and the captaincy = doesn't work. I wish it would but it's failed twice now.

Corluka, Hutton, Bassong - Charlie, out of position. Yet played reasonably well. Bassong was okay. Hutton, I thought, was actually fairly decent. As a unit? Can I trademark the word dis-jointed? I guess they looked a lot worse (with Bale included in there) because of the allowance permitted by our midfield for the aforementioned to be placed under constant pressure.

Bale - No BAE, so Gareth is imprisoned at left-back. This is akin to taking a WMD and burying it in the desert. Do you know it's even there? It just doesn't work. He is a left-winger and a beast of an attacking player. Can we please stop dicking him about. No BAE, so I guess, hands tied. I just wanted to vent, in preparation for future games.

Modric - Welcome back. Cracking effort on goal. Tried to invent, the majority of our players did their best to prevent (my puns are as bad as Spurs were, I'm doing it to retain an air of consistency). A positive: Moddle + vdV works. In the long run, this will prove to be a God send. If we can get someone upfront scoring.

van dar Vaart - Is probably beginning to scratch his head, Hoddle style, at why nothing is working around him. Works hard, looks to create. Was superb in the early stages, faded a little, I guess due to the knock he got and the fact there is so much he can do if the side is losing the battle to retain possession. It all gets lopsided and we can't expect him to run the show if everyone else is skipping.

Lennon - Not used that often. And pretty average when he did have the ball at his feet. Got a cross in, created the odd chance. But he's still not the spark we know him to be. The irony here is that when he went off, we had no width. Crazy. When Spurs play narrow, with no Azza, we don't seem to be able to work the ball forwards as well. But we don't appear to have options for additional width on the bench. Go on, dare you to come up with a quick-fix solution to this one.

Crouch - Didn't work. Will probably score a brace in the Champions League this coming week. We have a problem. We need someone up front who can make things happen with movement, clever runs, coming deep but not so deep to allow the midfield to push into the box. Someone with pace. Bobby Smith with a touch of the Jimmy Greaves. Or the moon on a stick in a Lilywhite shirt. If 451 is the future, the most vital position is the front man. I'd say, play two up front for the league for the time being. Until the Jan window opens.

On his own (Crouchie), today, it was a struggle. Not for the want of trying, but there was no link with him and the middle five. Isolation the name of this unfortunate game. Six games now, and only one goal from an actual bona fide forward.

Subs - Had hardly any time to make an impact. Although Gio was a mighty dollop of why bother. Seems lost at Spurs, at home with Mexico. Not sure Harry really understands how to use him.

 

Attitude. What?

West Ham - Not exactly Barca but they probably thought they were today. Will struggle in and around the below point of mid-table*. But they showed us how to play like a team. I think that just about sums up how bad we were. Parker was very decent, focused. As was Noble. But then they had direction and intent in their boots, unlike our centre pairing. Hammers were first to everything. Us, second best by miles. Statue no doubt being built outside the Boleyn this late evening. But they proved an important point (three of them). You can be down on your luck, average, whatever - but if you stick in the shift, you can win the day. Good luck to that attitude. Shame for them they only get to play us once in East London. We really did gift-wrap them a win, finally a win, over us and Redknapp.

*JR Hartley

Redknappology - Harry is confusing matters. The way we lined-up didn't work because there was no genuine spin to it. What was meant to be the style of play? Where was the contingency plan to dig us out of sticky moments?

Then there's the lack of motivation. Which is the crux. Harry's good at getting the best out of players. But struggling this season to inspire some of our some what damaged Prem stars. Harry is best when Harry is dealing with backs against the wall. He joined us, 2pts8games, rebuilt confidence and we pushed on. He then took the next challenge and got us playing with absolute conviction and belief. And we took 4th.

We were always on the chase. Always with a target ahead of us.

It's now altogether a new type of pressure and the players, having achieved that impossible dream, well...I'd hate to think they are resting on their laurels. Is there no apparent target in their mind set?

He needs to re-tune them back into Fight FM. Wipe it all clean, last season. We have done nothing, achieved nothing, until we finish in the top 4 again. That ought to be the thinking at the club. The message from the gaffer to every squad player.

Conclusion

I'm glad West Ham beat us. Obviously, I'm not, but here we are. Why am I glad (in the context of the aftermath?) Because you can't sink any lower than this. Well, apart from Wigan at home.

If this isn't a wake up call with regards to EPL form, and if we dare not react positively to it once and for all next time out, then we deserve nothing more than nothing. This is not a crisis, but we may as well pretend it is. There appears to be no fire, no chests pumped out desire as a cohesive unit from top to bottom. A complete lack of willingness, conviction.

We are twitching.

If we line-up against FC Twente with Moddle, vdV and Bale on the left-wing and King at the back and win stupendously well, then once more we will ask the same questions? Are we not up for league games? Are the players thinking too much about Europe? Or do we simply struggle because of one or two changes in personnel? Can't believe the latter. We are not that sodding delicate. Or perhaps? Nah.

Goes back to the points made above about motivation and desire. And managerial guidance. Last season, they all had something they wanted more than anything, and even with injuries and shuffles, we just got on with it. And got it. We didn't over-achieve. We didn't punch above our weight. The players proved to themselves they had it in them. Too busy puffing on those Cubans at the moment to work out that all we did was take a step forwards. Not a leap.

Time for us to show that hunger again.

The current version is not the same Tottenham who bullied and brushed oppositions aside away from home during the 2010 season. We can't keep looking to the next game to kick-start it and find ourselves looking forwards for the next opportunity again every bleeding week.

I do appreciate the injury problems and the fact the players do need to adjust to playing high pressured high profile games and it's Harry's job to make sure they don't lose focus for any game. But hey, like I said. We've been here before. And although our back four was patched up, we can't keep on making mistakes in midfield.

It's not quite the point of no return. So, still no knee-jerk from me. I'll continue to support both manager and players. But they need to set the alarm. Snooze button disabled. And get out of bed.

Perhaps, we need to go back to basics again for the league games. Take every game, one at a time, rather than looking ahead, deep in thought on the next one. The players, their heads, not 100% in it. Not even close to 60% today. Just play 442, or 433. Direct on the ground sweeping football with at least one DM in the middle. Keep 451 for the group stages.

It's okay for me, the fan, to review and change my mind. I can do that as often as I want. I called for consistency a week or two back, that we need to stick to a formation, but with each passing game, I've proved myself a touch naive. Because it seems the players are not up for it at the moment. So no matter the formation, it wont make a difference. Unless, you know, creature comforts and such. Take it back to the way it was before to rebuild that confidence.

So time for some consistency from the only ones who can make the difference.

Wakey wakey Spurs.

As for you lot. Your solutions please. On a postcard. To Bill Nicholson Way, 748 High Rd, Tottenham, London, N17. Via this blog. If you want therapy of the discussional type. Knock yourself out.

Ta.

Spurs v Spammers: Match Thread

Line-up.

Cudicini

Hutton, Corluka, Bassong, Bale

Lennon, Jenas, Huddlestone, Modric, Van der vaart

Crouch

SUBS: Pletikosa, Palacios, Sandro, Kranjcar, Giovani, Pavlyuchenko, Keane.

Yes, that's Charlie at CB. Shudder. Middle five looks epic, as long as JJ turns up for it. Not short on creation. No King, Bassong or Kaboul. In fact, no defenders on the bench. Not one. Champions League the priority for Harry. Stud Bale at left-back. I'm disappointed. But BAE picked up a knock, so tinkering had to be done. Gallas I guess is still not 100%.

Having also seen the West Ham side; Green, Jacobsen, da Costa, Upson, Gabbidon, Dyer, Parker, Noble, Boa Morte, Obinna, Piquionne - shame on us if we lose this.

Feel free to discuss away in the comments section. If my baby girl allows me, I'll be updating this blog article as the game progresses.

To dare is to do do do...

1st Half

04:47 mins. Free kick outside the box after first proper attack. Ooh set-piece. Let's see how we manage to fudge this one up.

06:36 Close. Off the wall. Corner. Wasted. vdV busy busy busy at the mo.

07:18 Dyer fires wide. From the corner, another effort from West Ham. Biting of the nails.

09:28 Textbook West Ham so far. High tempo, pressure, be it resulting with deflections for corners. Need to try and put the olde studs on ball and take the pace out of it.

10:55 CC saving a shot, not masterful stopping. All West Ham. Sigh.

12:24 Bale forward. Stopped. WH counter. Boa Morta turning past Hutton. Comes to nothing, but still, this is getting a tad silly now.

14:27 Jenas with a shot. Green saves. First effort. Still have yet to have a patch of possession on this game yet.

15:23 Dyer on fire. Cheeky bid?

16:10 That midfield five just can't get hold of it at the moment. I guess with no defensive/holding midfielder in there, it's proving nigh impossible at the moment to do much other than the odd cameo run forward. Hammers fans with the Oles. Statue being built as I type outside the ground.

20 minute mark - Not a lot to say other than West Ham have been dominant, without exactly carving us up, but showing far more positivity in attack, earning corners and asking questions. We've don't little in response, be it a free-kick from vdV and the Jenas shot (as I type another vdV shot, saved well by Green). Huddlestone quiet as a mouse. All a bit dis-jointed.

22:00 Another leftie from vdV. Wide.

27:11 Starting to hold the ball a bit better. Still, our players looked bored.

29:00 1-0 West Ham. Yay.

31:15 So, have we gone and lost that away day magic from last season? We look poor, disinterested, incapable of taking the game by the scruff.

33:23 Great defending for the goal by the way. Forgot to mention that.

34:50 Parker into the box, good tackle from Charlie. This is pretty shit, no?

35:50 Just like watching Barca at the moment.

38:00 Free-kick, cross in, comes to nothing but the ball gets back onto the wing, crossed back in, Moddle with  the shot, SuperMan Green to the rescue, save onto the woodwork.

42:19 vdV cross-cum-shot, Crouch not quite getting on it. Not exactly what I was hoping for all this.

44:58 Coming up to HT. Crouch header over. Should have mentioned, Dyer went off earlier. Cheeky bid off.

Half-Time - 9 shots to our 7. It's been piss poor. Making them look decent, which is a massive achievement in itself, for us to be so out of this game in terms of application and desire. WH deservedly in front. As for us, it's not like we haven't had a go, but shooting and watching Green save is not good enough. We are meant to be stamping some of that quality onto the pitch, but it seems we have no strength centrally to take control. Time for a sub me thinks. Hopefully, vdV is okay. Looked to have picked up a knock.

So, shit first half. Honestly, only Spurs can make West Ham look good. Still, they deserve to be ahead. Can see us losing this 2-0 if we don't change our attitude. Having better quality players is not good enough if all they're going to do is swan around.

2nd Half

Okay, so here go. Can we have our Tottenham back please?

48:00 Like I said in the original post, Bale at left-back...wasted. We need him in midfield. Let's not forget, this is a struggling Hammer's side. Have a sodding go at them. They're confident at the moment, but one goal back and they are likely to collapse.

51:15 Hudd shot. Close. Another decent effort. But still, all from distance.

53:23 More in the game now. Just nothing decisive.

54:46 Oh dear. Hudd around Green, tries a shot, complete mess. Had he crossed it for Crouch...had he...

60:00 Okay, what did I miss? Had to leave the stream for several minutes. Daughter is teething, so had to use some of that powder on her gums that looks like cocaine. Talking of which, I could do with a couple of lines round about now. 30 minutes left. It's not looking good on the pitch at Upton Park. I'll be screaming like my baby girl by the full 90 at this rate.

64:55 Another CC save. Living dangerously. WBA 2-0 up at Arsenal. No doubt the scum will score three goals in the final ten.

65:34 Lennon off. Keane on. Game number 300 for our Robbie.

67:17 Did I say shame on us if we lose this? I'm standing by that statement. 

69:10 "Why are we making this look sooo difficult?! Its sodding west ham! FFS!" - Bimspur.

71:00 I'm fast losing interest now. It's all about the players right, not formation? Well Harry, it's much ado about nothing out there.

73:43 Cracking save from CC from Noble. Cracking. Cracks in our team mind.

77:10 Run into the box from JJ. Shot wasn't a cross wasn't a shot wasn't a cross.

77:36 vdV off. Good shift. Gio on. Ho hum.

78:19 Mighty scramble in our box. Which has seen more action than that call-girl skank off the X-Factor.

79:37 Crouch off. Pav on. The nightmare is complete.

81:13 If it stays 1-0 then its proof that West Ham United are level-pegged with us in stature and thus our rivals.

82:56 Champions League, it's all we've got, Champions League, it's all we've got...

84:44 Worst. Free-kick. Ever.

85:59 Keane effort. Keane of old might have had that.

88:04 Well done Spammers. Find those keys the trophy cabinet.

88:41 Yep. Given up I have.

Full-Time Shame on us. WH fully deserving of the three points, as shit as they are, they at least wanted it today. We did our usual apologetic attempts of botheredness. Not good enough Harry. Not good enough Spurs. Momentum. When are we going to have some?

Conclusion? Not much of one. Half-arsed performance. No effort, not urgency, no desire. West Ham tired, but fuck me, they're not exactly a team built up of quality and depth are they? And yet they won. We failed to score. I'd rather be trashed out of sight than to lose because we're as limp as a 99 year old cock.

Sorry Spurs. So sorry.

PS. Three points off 4th. It's not over yet !!!!1111 COYFS !!!!!!!!111

Open bus parade cancelled in East London (2-0 to the Lilywhites)

West Ham still are rivals, right?

No blood and thunder in this derby match. It was akin to a giant swallowing a feather. Slight tickle on the tongue, hardly noticed, and not a chance in hell of choking.

They were never in it. Very comfortable, embarrassingly so. Shame we couldn't carve up a few more slices of goal mouth action and stuff them, but can't complain at all. 2-0, another clean sheet and very little to complain about. No complacency at all, unlike what happened against Stoke and Wolves. West Ham were plucky in parts in the second half, but never threatening. Not helped by injuries, including the one to Scott Parker that appeared to play a part in allowing Luka the freedom of the midfield to race in for his first goal of the season. Welcome back little man.

Modric (starting and finishing the move for that goal) appeared to galvanise one or two players with his mere presence. I guess the lack of Claret and Blue presence also helped, but credit where it's due. Huddlestone was influential, Palacios biting like a mosquito on speed. We'll have to perhaps wait a little longer to see if Modric in the middle and Niko on the left can work, but no doubt, the line-up that started did.

We clicked and dominated possession. Lennon and Corluka enjoying plenty going forward. Defoe always a menace. The only humbug was perhaps the impossibility of a post-match DVD release cometh the final half an hour as we still sat on a 1-0 lead. There was no Wiganesque demolition job here. Not that WH ever really looked like scoring anyway. But sometimes crazy shit happens, and you can suddenly find yourself pegged back. But I guess another positive about this Spurs side is that there was no collapse evident at any stage and in the end, we put it to rest with a great goal made by Defoe, for himself, teasing with speed and urgency outside the box, lashing it in, off Green and back to him for yet another lash - this time finding the net. Everything in between the first and second goal was easy on the eye. Highly enjoyable afternoon, but we need to discover the guile for that ruthlessness that turns this from a Sky+ recording of MOTD2 to club shop merchandise heaven.

And also, special extra mention for JD - yellow-carded for celebrating with fans by allowing an embrace or two to engulf him when he made it 2-0. Much like Cesc Fabregas did at the Emirates yesterday. Score and celebrate with fans. He got yellow carded too. Yep. He suuuuuuuuure did. Hmm.

Anyways.

Do we get to keep the cup?

As for top 4 - we need to consolidate and to do that we need to step up an extra gear. Up to Harry to make sure the players remain focused. The way this season is panning out, anything is possible, so I'm neither jigging nor scratching chin. I'm waiting to see how things pan out, but to be honest, my dancing shoes are on. Fuck it, may as well wear our hearts on sleeves. Its what we do best. And if we get something at Anfield...

Think Liverpool will come back into it at some stage soon, and add City and Villa to the mix - its cat and mouse at the moment. Still no sign of anyone truly grabbing the Prem by the scruff of the neck. I'm enjoying it though. How can any Spurs fan not? Our next 6 games are perhaps season defining (how many times have we heard that?). In fact, screw the rest of them. We need to focus completely on what we do going forward. Let them play catch up rather than sigh when someone above us drops points. We need to have them chasing us. I guess this is where we find out if the players - and Harry - actually believe.

It's been a decent Christmas. 4th going into 2010. Not sure what to make of our gaffers comments about not having anyone in mind, re: transfers. He doesn't think we need to cause ripples with further headache selections, but when he cites '4 forwards' you have to wonder if his tongue is firmly embedded in cheek. Is Pav really still a choice?

Sorry, can't muster too much else at the moment. I'm still sick, bloodshot eyes, head-thumping headaches. It's the end of days over here at the moment. But still smiling. If I'm not back on-line before 2010, enjoy what's left of this year. And cast your minds back to where we sat just before Redknapp took the helm. Facebook Relegation Party, what became of you?

For now...we're forever bursting...

Back in time for the cup final...

Good Christmas? I had a fairly wonderful Xmas Eve and day, spent with close family, drinking twenty three year old Guatemalan rum and eating plenty. Boxing Day was altogether a rather less pleasant experience. Was meant to be a day spent again with relatives (turkey and mash) after a brief drink or two in the local pub. If it wasn't bad enough that the pub in question was West Ham (Buckhurst Hill), we managed to consume a ridiculous amount of triples, quadruples and shots rendering some of us devoid of the ability to either talk or walk. All this in the space of three hours. There was no dinner (over-cooked and the host almost sliced his finger off when attempting to carve it). Plenty of arguing (the sober ones did not take well to our state and late arrival back) and I apparently spent the next two and half hours hugging the toilet and shivering. I had turned a horrid shade of green. What a light weight. I don't remember much else and what I do (in the form of flashbacks) would be preferable to have remained forgotten. Oh the joys of the festivities. It's all in the name of baby Jesus.

I've seen nothing of the Fulham v Spurs game so read this if you want a quick summary. Family members and friends have told me it was a fair result in the end with Gomes making some pretty ace saves. Great goal for us disallowed thanks to some shabby decision making from the ref. We looked more up for it after JD and Modric came on. And thanks to the organisation of Fulham we spent the early parts of the game hoofing it. Happy with a point then. 3rd clean sheet on the trot. Hopefully tomorrow things will be a little more tidy offensively. Clinical and ruthlessness is the key because I couldn't possibly stomach a Wolves/Stoke type of game/performance.

It's not been a bad half season has it? In fact, it's been pretty good, lots to improve on with steps forward rather than falls backwards. Hopefully we'll remain on track after tomorrow. We do love playing the Hammers. I'm completely out of sorts with the latest news, ITK info and selection teasers - but glad to see Dawson and Bassong continuing their partnership and Gomes with the much deserved plaudits for his keeping. Would like to see Moddle play a bigger part tomorrow also. Might be the right type of game for him, space wise. We'll see.

If there are any major talking points, let me know. Think of this as a self-service blog. You write the content. I'll play catch-up from Tuesday.

Another day, another win

300 days in charge of Tottenham has seen Harry Redknapp claim a (over) 50% win record. Add to it our best start to a season since 1960 and you begin to wonder what Sky Sports News will do next. My money's on an interview with a Spurs fan who's had plastic surgery to their face, including the addition of sagging cheeks, to look like 'arry. Looking at the table this early in the season is completely redundant. But that doesn't mean we can't smile about our perfect start. Just hold off having any work done to your face.

Yet another win against West Ham United (we always beat them) made it three out of three. Not the most sexy of games, was it? There was me predicting a pretty game of football with plenty of free flowing play and triangular movements and instead it was far more physical with Zola's men direct and in our faces from the start.

Was it a good performance? Under the circumstances, yes. We didn't play as well as we could. Determination was there but the usual fluid movement and passing was laboured at times. Third game in around eight days, hot summers day…can we use these as excuses? Sometimes you don't quite get out of the starting blocks with pace and you have to adapt to an opposition who may lack the same type of quality you possess but stick in enough effort and guts to cause problems.

Keane dropped deep which meant we shaped up 4-5-1, leaving JD up on his own. Not sure if this was intentional (or a consequence), but it did allow us plenty of wing-play when mounting attacks, although we didn't quite make the most of this with Lennon not receiving the ball as often as he should have. Defoe was a little subdued, Modric not the threat he can be and wasteful with passes and a couple of efforts on goal (one of which he should have scored). But this was probably more to do with the lack of sustained support from the midfield. Hudd and Wilson not moving as freely as the two previous games. Tommy lacking his usual quarter-back qualities. No pinging balls. Didn't quite control the tempo.

BAE was caught out a couple of times, as well as Corluka. Bassong did well alongside King - who misplaced a pass or two and was worked hard by Cole, but again showed his undeniable class. Wasn't an easy afternoon.

Regardless of the fragmented performance, it's important to highlight something we are not blessed with too often watching Spurs. Not at our best, we still restricted them and pressed hard and towards the end of the game we played sensible controlled football rather than attempting anything stupid i.e. giving the ball away needlessly. We worked our socks off to get the ball back when we were not in possession. Tired as out, but we had a little bit left in the tank (whereas WH seemed to be spent by the end) - but it was job done. Grafting out hard fought wins like this are as pleasing as wining 5-1 away.

As for the game details, we had the best of the chances. Moddle should have scored after some great play from Aaron. King hit the post. All a bit frantic in the first half, plenty of long balls to Cole who managed to bully King and Bassong, keeping them constantly busy. Keane playing very deep and Huddlestone and Palacios with a lot of work to do defensively. West Ham mixing it up, kicking us all over the pitch and hitting us on the counter. Second half starts and they go 1-0 up. Goal out of nothing, brilliantly taken turn and shot from Cole. And then it's 1-1, a goal out of nothing. Cole brilliantly assisting by finding JD who smacked the ball past Green. Oops. As the game progressed, we got more of a stranglehold on it and Lennon made it 2-1 with a cut inside (aided by a fall from Spector) to unleash a cracking left-footed shot. Green beaten again. Saw out the rest of the game professionally.

Should mention the referee. Have I missed something with Clattenberg? I thought he was balding? Anyway, two penalty decisions (handball and a pull on Bassong) ignored as well as failing to dish out a second yellow for a WH penalty shout that looked like a dive and also turned a blind eye to one or two tasty tackles. Seriously, where did that hair come from? I must have him mixed up with someone else.

Untidy, frantic, messy, disjointed. And still three points to take back home with us. Daniel Levy, wet boxer shorts in the post for you. The pessimistic amongst you might highlight that we beat the same three teams in the corresponding fixtures last season. We did. But not in the same fashion. It's a rejuvenated Spurs side with a far clearer structure and strategy. What a difference to the depression we faced this time last year.

Brummies at home next. We are bound to get unstuck soon. Hopefully not in this game. We've got Utd and Chelsea to follow so we'll know a lot about ourselves after September ends. If we get through it with damage limitation to the max, we might be in a very good position to push ourselves into contention, much like Villa did last year. I'm still realistic. We are good enough for 6th and possibly 5th (depending on how City progress). What may help is an addition or two to the squad. Be it before the window shuts shop or in January. Something extra, just in case. Hate to say it, but lose Wilson or Luka and we might struggle. But enough of the what if's. At the moment it's all about the in the bag.

3 games, 8 days. 9 points, 3 games.

The DVD will be great.

We're all going on a mid-table tour...

Seven games left. We are now deep into the business end of the season. Alas squeaky bum time is not part of our agenda. There is still however a possibility of a European push to add some extra spark to the fixture list, but looking at the games ahead and then looking back at the miserable start to the season and the various hiccups and mis-guided moments of alleged clarity (we're going down, we're going down) we've had along the way, it's safe to say...thank God we are safe. And we are safe. We are right? Of course we are. Couple more points here and there should see us finish top half. I'm looking forward to the nosebleed. As for Europe...it's akin to an injection of botox to a thirty-year old face. Completely unnecessary.

But still, plenty of potential shenanigans left in the season (West Ham at home, relegating Newcastle, City and Utd, Everton away....etc) so no need to throw your season ticket towards the directors box just yet. 630 minutes of Tottenham left to go.

Regardless of all this, it still won't stop some people from thinking about the summer months that lay ahead of us.

Which means having to brace yourselves for plenty of Lennon and Modric transfer stories, even though one has signed a contract extension and the other only signed for us last summer. And after the Berbatov and Keane epics, you'd hope our chairman doesn't allow for the usual gut-wrenching acceptance of departure of key players. Expect Liverpool to be linked to our little Aaron anyway. And Levy - JUST SAY NO. The Tottenham Foundation is rich enough from donations, thank you very much.

Also brace yourselves for all the ITK and club insiders, that will surely be crawling out of the woodwork soon to tell us about potentially someone being signed but it's only 87% done so might or might not happen yet. I said I'd ignore them so that I could avoid another shitstorm like the one that took place during the last window. Remember the jihad directed my way? Happy days.

What might or might not happen with David Bentley is something that will also take up plenty of tabloid space between now and the summer and through out June and July. Did Harry whisper the other day that we are not going to sell any of our star players? Guess that means David has already cleared out his locker and is hitch-hiking his way back up North. Personally, I don't think he should go but as I've discussed a few times already this season - where can he play if he can't play right-wing? Can't see Lennon being dropped any time soon. Unless his form dips or he gets injured. If David is having personal problems, then fair enough, let him be. Let him sort himself out. When you set yourself such a high standard, it can sometimes be a struggle to reach it consistently. Those star-jumps were ace, and we've not seen the likes of them since.

But this is something we can all revisit in a couple of months. For now, I'd much prefer to enjoy what we have left of the season and hope the players strive for improvement rather than have one eye on how they plan to spend the summer months. We need to remain competitive at all times. Even when we are mathematically safe. None of this oh so typical switching off lark we experienced ponderously after last years Cup final and all the way to the death of the season and into the beginning of this season.

Palacios will be suspended for Saturday, which is a great shame. But a test to the depth of the squad, as we fall back onto the past. Yes, it's flux capacitor time with Zokora and Jenas pairing up in the middle. If West Ham win this, then expect a week long party in Green Street. If we lose, then I can imagine a vast majority of Spurs fans burning their season tickets and claiming celibacy from football forever. Such is the magnitude of this encounter.

Naaaaa, just fucking with you. West Ham fans might see this as a game of importance as they aim to surge ahead of some truly God awful sides below them to stake a claim for 7th spot, in a season where being average is enough to claim a ticket to Europe. And I don't blame them. They've had plenty of their own turmoil and quietly, in the midst of everything happening down at the bottom and right at the top, Zola and Clarke have got them ticking over fairly well in the middle section of the table. They've done enough to get them into a position that might event warrant the words 'successful season'.

I just want us to dick 'em cause it's fun, innit? Also because I'm still haunted by that 4-1 Easter defeat several years back. Put me right off my Creme Eggs.

Apologies for the textbook 'Spurs fans don't care about lickle West Ham as much as they care about us but by stating this it must mean that I do care otherwise I wouldn't bang on about it' preview of the Easter weekend game. I guess it's all down to one particular fan who sends me never ending texts that are meant to pass for 'banter' but appear to be of a more stalkerish nature in tone. Early in the season I was told it was 'do or die' at Upton Park for the both of us. And to think they call Spurs fans drama queens. I'm now being told this return fixture is a Cup final for European qualification. Some Cup final when we've gone from being almost season long relegation fodder to within a whisker of European qualification.

Best league in the world, innit? While West Ham have been picking up points and improving steadily, we've spent most of it being shit and yet we're what...4 or 5 points adrift of them? Shame we didn't beat Rovers. That would actually have made Saturday a potentially hilarious and ironic turnaround to our season and a rather fitting illustration of just how gash everyone below 6th is.

So step up, Didier Zokora and JJ. Dominate and boss the midfield with urgency, composure and menace. Let's brush the claret and blue aside and reveal in the glory bestowed upon the winners of a ding-dong derby match!

Jesus Christ, we're fucking doomed.

Don't fret....there's always next year

Carling Cup? Never rated it anyway. Mickey Mouse competition.

Sigh.

So here we are, the day after a cup final defeat. Feels a little bit shitty, doesn't it? I despise penalty shoot-outs. Damn you Champions League and the death of cup replays. I guess technically speaking we didn't actually lose (DVD release imminent?). The 'reserve' edition of the best club in the world couldn't beat us in open play. Rejoice!

As for those pesky pens. Not sure why O'Hara took the first one. He got it on target at least. Foster and his ipod will haunt him for a while yet I'm sure. He wears his heart on his sleeve does Jamie, so no doubting the reception he'll get on Wednesday will lift him. As for David Bentley, his scoffed shot sums up his season perfectly. An embarrassment of a mis-hit. But top drawer players as well as the ones lacking form are equally likely to miss or score on such an occasion. Well, discounting the ones in red. It's just so bloody typical a player with a decent shot on him completely mis-kicks the ball in the manner he did. And doubly typical that given a chance for a little redemption he cocks it up. I blame those star jumps. Penalty aside, he made little impact on the pitch when he did come on.

Harry looking good in the suit Ramos left behind

Think it was pretty obvious we'd lose this after extra-time ended. Pessimism gave me a tap on the shoulder and wink of despair. Shame though, because on the day neither side deserved to go home empty handed based on effort and opportunities. Someone obviously does. Obviously. And alas it was us.

Never thought the game would go the full distance based on the opening 15 minutes. United took us apart, but we got into the game and after that possession was shared fairly equally with both sides creating chances. Not the best Cup final, but it gave us plenty of gasps.

United might have launched one or two screamers towards goal, but we had our moments too. Mostly from the lickle boy Lennon who had an outstanding day out. Yes, the end product isn't perfect, but the mazzy runs are. Modric also superb - and both players could have had a Wembley moment to saviour. Shame we had to sub Aaron. Adel would have had a lot of fun out there with his tricks and clever feet and it's a shame he didn't get a cameo.

View from my seat

The much maligned Bent had an effort on goal. Run around a lot, usually in the wrong direction. Spiffing stuff. Pav ballsed up a couple of chances including one that come from a sweet pass from a locomotive Zokora bursting down the middle of the pitch. Zoko was mightily impressive. Where is this version of the player 95% of the time when required in the bread and butter games? As for Pav - he should not have been subbed. 4-5-1 grates me. And although he spooned a couple of efforts, we looked more structured with two up front. Harry might have got this wrong.

Ronaldo entertained with his usual dramatics, falling over whenever he was 'touched' by a Lilywhite. Chris Foy, our esteemed referee, made up for various inconsistencies by yellow-carding the winker. Penalty? Nope. Was already heading for the ground when King clipped him. Talking of cards, O'Shea should have walked but Mr Foy decided otherwise. Seems certain fouls at certain points in the game are worthy of a yellow but punishment for a similar foul to a player already on a yellow - wearing red - is not. Bah, who cares. Happens all the time. Fergie was obviously worried thus replacing him for Vidic. Who was superb. Talking of defenders, so was King and Ferdinand. And Dawson who has made a miraculous return to consistent form (his distribution is crap but I still love him).

Neither side had that cutting edge or bit of luck to claim glory inside 120 minutes. Anyone surprised that Utd won the toss to have the pens in front of their own fans? And the toss to select who takes the first pen? Footballing Gods, damn you.

Get the pen on target and you can't really complain that much if it fails to go in. If the keeper guesses right, he has a chance of saving it. If the pen taker strikes it with power or places it, then the keeper has no chance. I guess, if you practise them and have the confidence (and don't lose your bottle) you have a chance. More than a chance. At the purest simplistic level, penalty taking should be easy. Aim for the part of the goal that the keeper has no chance of getting to. If only it was that simple. It's 99% about mentality. That's where it's won.

Don't think we stood a chance to be perfectly honest. Don't quite grasp why Bent wasn't taking the first kick. I guess it's fairly evident we don't have many penalty takers in the side. Bentley continues to scapegoat himself towards public enemy number one. Take a bow son. Jenas must be smiling. Although no frowning for JJ yesterday. He too impressed making it a WTF double with him and Didier doing the biz. Although one or two fans in the stands seemed to nitpick a little too much on Jenas. I thought he showed spirit, if lacking in box-2-box creative enterprise.

Wembley mocks me with its sad smile

Oh well, there is always next season. We gave it some. Played like a team, some decent approach play and some almost moments that had my heart sat firmly in my mouth.

Other random highlights:

• Man Utd fans leaving after the winning penalty. I find that quite hilarious. Witnessing the lifting of a two-bob cup not as vital as that train back to Surrey, hey?
  
• Had a conversation with a police officer inside the stadium prior to the game. Pleasant chap, not into football. He usually has to settle for Millwall home games every other week the poor sod. "Nice to see some proper fans" he said to me. I told him that's not usually what others would call us, but I accepted the compliment.
• The Fanometer. Football dies a little more.
  

Onwards we go to our third successive Cup final, following on from yesterday and the Hull win the week before.

Boro at home. My knees and Harry's face still trembling.

Spurs overhull City to claim Cup final victory

Woodgate header, 2-1, winning goal. We've been here before haven't we? No fireworks at the final whistle this time round, but the importance of claiming the three points practically pushes this result into open bus parade territory.

Spurs have been to Hull and back. No glory football here. First half performance was gash, only highlight a rather deliciously curled opening goal from Lennon who had all the time in the world to blast it in, but preferred instead to add a little gloss to proceedings and show off some of that end product he has plucked from the frustrating realm of eternal potential. He remains our one bright spark in the dark gloomy basement that the past year has been. Hull's equaliser was assisted by Calamity Cudicini (Gomes must be jealous) who fumbled the ball, allowing for an easy slot to make it 1 a piece.

Dodgy at set pieces, less than confident goal-keeping. Here we go again, right? No, wrong. Rather than losing the game in the final moments, Woody planted his head on the ball to give us one of those rare moments. An away win. Fantasy football. School boys own stuff. Jumpers for goalposts.

Thoughts and prayers for Hull City who haven't won for 10 league games. Their dizzying holiday towards the top of the table nothing more than a distant memory. They can now consider themselves invited to the relegation party down at the bottom.

Thankfully as Hull walk through the front door with a bottle of cheap wine, we've managed to escape from the prank that saw us locked in the downstairs toilet to standing a little easier in the kitchen, which everyone knows is the best place to be at a party....even a party as depressing as this one. We need to focus now and try to flirt with the attractive lass giving us the eye. She's leaning up against the middle of the table, showing us a bit of leg. Boy would we like to climb up that leg. She's no babe, not like some of those top class European birds at the party up the road, but she'll do. Beggars can't be choosers. Aim to impress her with a little charm and slick moves and we'll be out the front door, into a taxi, and back at hers for a coffee leaving this party of losers behind. Now and again, it's ok to play ugly if it gets the right result.

We've now got the interference of the second leg of the UEFA Cup game on Thursday to look forward to. Which is a bit like going on a blind date and finding out your 'date' at the bar with the bow in her dress is your sister. It's inconvenient.

To be fair to Harry, it is a tad ludicrous the way the fixture list scoffs at us. And it's a crying shame the UEFA Cup has been relegated to insignificance thanks to our Premiership predicament. There's been much talk of how Harry has disgraced this clubs great traditions in Europe and how ironic it is that Spurs strive to get into Europe, something taken very seriously a couple of seasons back, to complete dismissiveness this term. Fact is, we have been crap all season long and attempting to win the UEFA Cup when our Prem survival is yet to be guaranteed is arrogance we can not afford. Arrogance probably too strong of a word there. What I mean is, we have by default devalued everything other than the league games thanks to our lack of consistency and form so pretending we can afford to play full strength teams in games that are not important in the grand scheme of things is misplaced. We could play a strong side and win, and take that confidence forward. Its agreeable logic, but the history of this season has served up one certainty: Spurs hardly ever turn up. I'd rather go out of the UEFA Cup, not lose any players to injury, and try to salvage some pride in the league.

I expect another reserve/youth team combo and a sharp exit out of the competition, but this being Spurs, I wouldn't be surprised if the complete opposite happened. Just for larks.

Sunday is now the new priority for the remaining week with Hull decimated. Utd, who we all hope get dicked by Inter this evening, will not be fielding a super-strength line-up at Wembley if they are a goal or two down by the final whistle tonight. Their second leg game at OT is obviously always going to be far more important than the Milk Cup. So amazingly, form aside, we do have a lickle chance of surprising Fergie on Sunday. Although their reserves are not going to be push-overs. And even with the Inter game sandwiching the Cup final, I still expect to see a superstar or two grace the field against us.

I'll be praying for some joy in what has been a joyless season. Fireworks in our favour please. Could even handle an Orish jig or two.

I'm still 'offline' and without internet access and will be travelling on Wednesday/Thursday so will resurface at some point on Friday.

Glory Glory for Tottenham: Flashback to Carling Cup win

I'm about to disappear on a hiatus of sorts. I'll sporadically post when I can but the next week or so you'll have to make do with Harry and loads of action. I'm sure you'll survive without my inane rants. But if you have become accustomed to them and need a fix to get you by, the boys and girls over at the hellmouth will help you with your addiction. You'll find them to be of a special type of crazy there. Otherwise, if you fancy your own hiatus, try something different.

But enough of the blatant advertising. Time for that flux capacitor to do it's thing.

Date: 25th Febuary 2008
Place: Back pages of the Evening Standard

Dicking Chelsea the day before was wonderful. Unfortunately, the quotes haven't aged too well.

"This just goes to show what he has done in a short amount of time. It's no fluke because he did it at Sevilla as well so he must have something really special. Certain managers have that luck about them. He has certainly done a tremendous job. To have a trophy after a few months is an incredible achievement" - Robbie Keane on 'Our Special Juan'

"The way Tottenham stood up to Chelsea gives supporters a real hope that a new era of sustained success is finally about to begin at White Hart Lane" - Michael Hart, Chief Football Correspondent, Evening Standard

"We have a very good manager and he has proved it by winning the final. There was no pressure on Ramos, but this is a wonderful achievement for him and the players" - Daniel Levy

"I have a lot of football to come and will stay with the team. I'm confident there are more trophies to follow" - Ledley King

"I am here, I want to win things and hopefully this is the first of many for me. It means a lot to beat Chelsea, they are a fantastic team. When the final whistle blew it was an indescribable feeling. Everyone was happy and it was great to see so many smiles. It's a major trophy and we wanted European football again. This is our moment, but on Tuesday we start again. We have important games ahead of us. We have big goals ahead of us. The manager is a winner and he knows how to win things. This is his first trophy and I hope it's the first of many" - Dimitar Berbatov

"The team has been improving in terms of security and confidence and yesterday's win reaffirmed that. The players have shown they can concentrate and fight with the best of them" - Juande Ramos

"In the dressing room afterwards, the players were all saying 'now let's win the UEFA Cup'" - Robbie Keane

Back to the future and I can happily live (if we win it) with reading the quotes from Redknapp about how monumental it was to beat Utd in the final, proper David and Goliath stuff, because, you know...we're down to the bare bones. I'll even look the other way when Levy sanctions the release of the Carling Cup Double special edition DVD.

Coys, let's be 'aving you. I fancy starting the month of March with a big fat smile on my face.

Late late show saves spinless Spurs

Milk Cup Semi-Final
Burnley 3 Spurs 2 (6-4 to Spurs on agg.)

Imagine an incontinent old man who tries hard to avoid wetting himself, but can’t stop it. No matter how many times he changes his pants and prays it won't happen again, it keeps happening. Over and over again. That’s Spurs.

You could argue that on a mud drenched rain soaked playing field Burnley gave it a right go but only actually managed three worthy efforts on target. All of which ended up in the back of the net. They hardly ripped us to shreds. We missed several chances to score including a sitter from Roman (managing to out do Bent from the other night), long before the final two minutes which saw Roman (making up for that sitter) and Jermain spare us humiliation. You could argue that the performance – which was shambolic with our lack of cohesion and retention of possession – felt 100 times worse because we expect so much from our players.

We expect them to play like the players we know they can be. Although a professional and efficient performance will do just fine, which is something they should be giving us without expectation every bleeding week. But we don’t have the luxury of that at the moment. Face it, that’s how bad we are. We can’t even beat the promoted sides in the league, so what made us think last nights second leg semi-final was going to be easy? Even at 4-1 up you suspected that Spurs would make it difficult for themselves. Their attitude doesn't bode well for our up and coming games. New blood, unaffected by these pathetic moral levels, will probably be the key to turning things around.

Even though lady luck had more to do with it in the end than our class prevailing (Burnley tired out and got punished for settling for the away goal rule), if you swapped Alnwick for Gomes, we would have got through this game without the need for dramatics. Yes, I know Gomes is prone to the odd dropping of the ball, but Alnwick was very much a weak link and clearly cost us 2 goals. Not exactly the environment for an ideal debut.

As a team we were simply woeful, a side of individuals with no team structure who made it very easy for Burnley to get within touching distance of a cup final. We always do just about enough to lose games without getting battered, and last night was a prime example.

Far too many mentally weak players with the fabled ‘I don’t care’ attitude. No urgency or self-respect and very little acknowledgement of the fans loyalty. It’s been like this for quite a while now, and even the threat of relegation doesn’t appear to bother them. Maybe one or two of them are already thinking about where they wish to play next season. Wake up. Wake the f**k up.

Yes it was a game played in nasty conditions against a team that has battled through the likes of Chelsea and Arsenal to get here, but regardless of this and regardless of the players missing from our team, how can you possibly excuse that embarrassment of a performance? 4-1 up and they still managed to almost throw it away. Where was the determination? The passing? The possession? How can you possibly excuse that?

You can’t.

Shut your eyes, this time last year we swaggered to a 5-1 win over Arsenal. I think the final itself against Chelsea was the last time we actually played really decently.

Easily the most inept performance from Spurs I’ve witnessed for some time. We almost got what we deserved. But we suddenly decided to play for two minutes towards the very death and display a little of that almost forgotten Premiership quality.

I'm not completely sadistic. I am 'happy' we have another day trip to look forward too, but not best pleased with the display that got us there. Well done Spurs, you complete absolute joke of side that I love with all my heart, but hate how you pull it in all directions and bleed it dry.

Post-match?

Our players will probably think they did alright tonight. To be fair, one or two did not disgrace themselves. Dawson in particular and Bale and Bentley had far better games than anything else they've done for a while but that's not saying much at all. Zokora, possibly playing for his career at Spurs with the imminent arrival of Palacios also stood out from the dross, but put into perspective – this was all against Championship opposition. Adel (arriving us a sub) showed some spark. Overall, rubbish.

I was half expecting Harry to say we 'weathered the storm' in his post-match interview, but now I can understand his public slating of players. He is right to have a go at them after a performance like that. It's difficult to blame him for the tactics because the players don't look like they actually follow them. His post-match was brutally honest and to the point. We have players who look like they are sulking and feeling sorry for themselves. They need a good slap. The lot of them.

"The players should be fighting for their lives to stay at a great football club like this. Their future is on the line, they need to perform to stay at the club”, said our Harry after the game. Thing is, they stopped fighting a month or so back. I'm inclined to think Redknapp's man management isn't enough at the minute. It would be easy to say he is once more playing the blame game and deflecting attention away from him and onto the players. But the players performances are as bad as they were under Ramos.

You'll have one or two of the giddy idiots getting their suits measured for the final. Faces in Gants Hill tonight for them no doubt.

Looks like we are sending a second-string to Old Trafford on Saturday. Shame we have to discount the FA Cup, but even with a full strength team on current form, I wouldn't fancy our chances. FA might slap his hands for making the comment about a weakened side, but who cares. Mish-mashed will have to do. It’s sad really because it’s the FA Cup. And it’s at Old Trafford. Regardless of the team put out, they should give it 100% because if Spurs can’t be arsed with games like this how exactly are we going to fair in the bread and butter of Prem survival? Where is the passion? I can show you some passion for free, let alone the levels I could reach for £30,000 a week.

Only Spurs can make you feel despair and ecstatic punching of the wall joy at getting to a Cup final. My knees have gone all trembley.

The Didier Zokora Cup Final

Chelsea 1 Tottenham 2 aet

There was a moment in this game that had me jumping around, screaming out to the heavens muttering the same word over and over and over again.

Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.

Why Zokora? Of all the players to find himself running towards the goal, why does it have to be him? Didier, bless him, makes Steffen Freund look like Thierry Henry. But then he isn’t a goal-scoring midfielder. Even when he managed to find Cech’s head rather than the goal, he failed to compose himself and lay the ball to Berbatov or better still, find the target with the second opportunity presented to him.

See, these are the moments that pretty much define Spurs.

If only.
Almost.
Nearly.
So close.

The cruel irony is that the player who run from midfield is the one player that you know won’t be able to do what you oh so want him to do. But it was at this very moment that I had an epiphany.

Chelsea had done practically nothing all game. And rather seeing this assessment from a typical Spurs point of view, being ‘we’re gonna fuck it up’, I saw the game through the eyes of a neutral. Just for that one all-seeing moment.

There was nothing to suggest Chelsea would get something from the match. Spurs were in their ascendency. And I could see it. But before we get to this part of the game, let’s go back to the start. The opening 45 were ominous to say the least. My epiphany at this point in time was nothing but a sperm casually backstroking towards the egg.

We started brightly and created chances, but Drogba’s insistence at taking centre stage with his theatrics proved to be the dramatic catalyst for the wrong kind of breakthrough. This was Drogba’s no country for real men, and with each pathetic fall to the ground, it made me wish for an air-powered cattle gun. Yet another collapse to the ground, this time 30 yards out was definitely a free-kick, and the irony wasn’t lost on anyone.

What followed was a quirk that was probably noticed instantly by Ramos (mistakes like this are avoidable). A complete mess of a wall, built with Marmite rather than cement. Not only was it in the wrong place, but the fact King and Robinson failed to orchestrate some kind of organisation was unnerving. You could see exactly what Drogba was going to do. He tried it earlier. This time it was an open invitation. We hate it, they loved it. Drogba shots and scores. Robinson hardly moves. This time not because of consumption of pie, but rather the fact that even if he did dive in the general direction of where the ball was placed he wouldn’t even get there in time with rockets on his boots.

1-0 to them and much biting of nails insured.

One highlight from the first 45 minutes involved the Chelsea fans rising to sing a chorus of ‘Stand up if you hate Tottenham’. The Spurs fans stood up and sang ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’. The Chelsea faithful should really do their best to look elsewhere for that defining rivalry.

During half-time I wondered if this was going to be one of those disappointing days where efficient Chelsea do enough to stifle the game into a non-glamorous victory in their favour.

At this point I was worried. Goes without say I was enjoying the occasion, but I suddenly got sickeningly nervous of losing. Yeah sure, it’s the Carling Cup. The lickle half-breed cousin of the FA Cup. But this was Chelsea, and losing to them (and fucking ‘ell have we done a lot of that in recent years) is just not a feeling I choose to experience anymore. I hate it. I hate it more than losing to Arsenal. It’s like losing to Fulham. Why the fuck would you accept losing to Fulham?

Then there’s the fact that it’s a ticket back into the UEFA Cup. It’s not the ideal way in but it’s on offer. And with our bad start to the season costing us any true chance of finishing top 6, this is the dream ticket.

And finally, its silverware. You know. That thing other teams outside the top 4 sometimes manage to flirt with on the odd occasion the second-string eleven don’t make it through to the final. Makes the honours list look not too shabby either. What’s good for the goose...

Winning it would also make it number 15 in Cup competitions won domestically and in Europe (only Utd and Liverpool have won more). Call it just rewards for the progress made by Ramos in the short months he has been here or proof that we don’t choke when it matters. A medal of honour.

So back with the sickeningly nervous feeling, I couldn’t shake. And onto the second half.

“Huddlestone has to come on”, my mate commented.
“I can’t see where a Spurs goal is gonna come from”, I informed him a few minutes earlier.

And then Hudd came on. For Chimbonda. I burst several veins in my forehead screaming abuse at Pascal the Mercenary who was disgraceful in the ungracious manner he walked off the pitch. No urgency, no care in the world other than his vanity. And off he went down the tunnel. It’s bitterly disappointing he wasn’t sold in the January transfer window.

So with the skinny demure Hudd on, things began to change a little. A disguised pass here and there. Lennon, who might as well have been in Faces during the first half, began to show a little spark. And as I thought back to my comment about not seeing where we would score from, we go and win a penalty. Didn’t think of that one. The decision was never in doubt. Juggling the ball isn’t controversial imo. It’s nailed on, ball on the spot.

The sickeningly nervous feeling turned into a haemorrhage. Up steps Berbatov. Some Spurs fans run down to the bottom of the aisle and look upwards to the fans, preferring to watch the crowd reaction rather than the actual penalty.

Up steps the Bulgarian and in one majestically cool second we are level. Pandemonium at long last. And that little bit of hope is embracing us.

Tainio on for Steed. And Spurs continue to press and push and the tempo is now where it should be. Pace with movement and purpose. Chelsea are disjointed in comparison. Anelka isolated with zero chemistry between him and Drogba, or anyone else for that matter.

Lampard unable to control a midfield bossed by Jenas and Zokora. Jole Cole on the bench. Woodgate and King in complete command at the back for us. It’s not quite a walk in the park. More of a brisk jog with a poodle chasing behind you. But you know it’s never gonna catch up, let alone bit you on the arse. Although at this point, I still had nightmares of the poodle ripping its way through my gut like an Alien.

And then, the sperm completes its journey and my epiphany is born. The precise moment this happens is when Zokora runs through towards goal with Cech being the only person standing in the way of folklore. And you know what happens next. And nobody can believe it even though the outcome was exactly what we all knew would play out.

But when I held my head up away from my hands, I knew that this miss would not go down in history as a testament of why we always seem to fail when it matters. What had Chelsea done in the game that would lead me to believe they could go on to win it? As a Spurs fan you’d automatically think it’s more likely to be us who give something away or make a mistake. But without anchoring myself to what I would normally expect in that oh so classic defeatist manner, I was free to see the facts.

Chelsea were fucking shit and had no hope in hell of beating us. I was enlightened.

Extra-time. Jenas, not for the first time this season floats in a perfect cross and Woodgate, the most unlikely of heroes nods the ball, which is palmed back onto Woody’s face and into the net. Silk finish, it was not. But when you’ve seen Gary Mabbut score an own goal, you don’t tend to be picky about the quality of a winning goal.

It was a strange moment in the stands, at least where I was. There was almost a delay in celebrations. Fraction of a second if that. The initial header and its journey away from Cech and into Woodgate seemed to take an age. When the ball crossed the line it was Pandemonium Part II.

Keane limped off. Kaboul trotted on. Chelsea huffed and puffed without really scaring us too much, though that’s thanks to a decent stop from Robinson.

When Zokora completed his brace and overplayed a ball to Lennon that would have surely settled it beyond doubt, there was still way too much tension in the Spurs end. Not helped by David Copperfield who plucked out 3 injury time minutes to be added onto the end of the second half of extra time.

One of the best moments of the game was TT wasting time with a throw-on (good to see Spurs are finally learning to do this when it matters) and earning a yellow-card, only for Drogba to come running onto the scene to berate TT, wasting more of the precious time Chelsea had left.

And then the final whistle and 9 sodding piss poor fruitless years come to an end, and for the sixth decade on the trot our players have winner’s medals.

And we got to laugh at Drogba’s complaining to their bitter end.

Who would have ever predicated Jonathan Woodgate scoring the winning goal in a Cup Final for Spurs? Effortlessly brilliant at the back, I pray he stays fit. Same for Ledley.

Jenas and Zokora were superb in the middle of the park. Berbatov, worked hard....in fact, apart from Chimbonda, I don’t have too many complaints.

Maybe had we beaten Bolton or Boro in the final (no disrespect to either of them) then this wouldn’t mean too much. But beating Chelsea also meant that semi-final 5-1 got its icing on the cake.

Spurs stalled under Jol. We all know it. He deserves some credit for what he achieved in building the foundations, but Ramos did something that Jol could not have possibly done. And that’s masterminding the semi-final win and then lifting of the Cup.

Ramos and Poyet have galvanised us. Take this Cup success as the first hurdle crossed in the transitional cross-country race.

The players have tasted success. They have beaten a Top 4 club. They now know they have it in them. And there’s no doubt when the euphoria settles Ramos will gently ease in the mentality that next time, it should be something bigger. Something like the FA Cup, or maybe even the UEFA Cup.

We all know a sustained 4th spot position is the Holy Grail. And we all know that’s still way off. But with the chasing pack taking turns each season, it’s always open to anyone who really gives it a hard push.

So, there I was at Wembley loving every second of it.

That included Robbie Keane’s tears and utter joy at finally winning something. Berbatov also looked like something he hasn’t quite been all season. A Tottenham player. He celebrated like someone who you wouldn’t bet your money on leaving (caught up in the moment?).

And Chimbonda made an appearance along with a Spurs fan that joined in with the celebrations. The fan had more right to be there than Pascal.

Robinson can thank Cerny’s mistake for allowing him a way back into the team. Last thing he expected a few weeks back was for him to be part of the team again.

So as the fireworks fizzled out and the players disappeared down the tunnel (to finally reappear at Faces nightclub) we left Wembley happy. Chelsea fans long gone, it was pretty much the perfect Sunday.

Cheers Juande. Piece of piss wasn’t it mate?