Seven more wins

Sibs and the maths of Tottenham.

Played 26
Won 16

Win rate = 61.54%

61.54% of 38= 23(.4) games won
23 wins = 69 points

61.54% of 114 = 70.2 points

This should be a fourth place finish.

However obviously the teams below are playing at a lower win rate (logically) - so as it stands it should still be good enough for 3rd by the time the points for a few draws are added

Chelsea away to WBA next weekend.
a***nal away to Liverpool

Us home to Man U - can't see too many points for us or the two teams below.

Not including Man Utd we have 5 home games against beatable opposition.

36 points to play
Points to reach secure CL: 72
7 Wins

If you account for a few draws we can afford to lose another 3 games and should still be reasonably comfortable for 3rd/4th without getting sucked in to a fight for 4th

For crunching of numbers keep this page bookmarked.

In short:

DON'T PANIC.

The five stages of supporting Spurs in defeat

Denial

Whatever. They only won because we played like they do on most weekends, without any belief. Think we needed this to happen. A reminder that we still have a job to do. If we took them back to the Lane tomorrow, we'd crush them. Doesn't  count for much, its like losing to Stoke. I'm really okay with it. We've been laughing at them all season long. We are still the better team and this was nothing more than a bad day at the office. We switched off and they had their moment in the sun, in their cup final, and they punished us for going to sleep. Means nothing. We'll win next week, they'll lose and nothing will have changed in the grand scheme of things. Let them have their moment, its what they value above anything else. Let them gloat, its what they do best. It's what they treasure above anything else, showing their pig ugly faces in public and giving it some because they're so obsessed with how they must always be perceived as winners. North London is still ours. If we had bothered to turn it on at 2-0 we'd have scored four or five.


Anger

WHAT IN THE **** WAS THAT? GUTLESS AND USELESS. TOO MANY PLAYERS BELIEVING IN THE POST-GAME HYPE. WE MADE A CRAP SIDE LACKING IN CONFIDENCE LOOK LIKE WORLD BEATERS, RE-CLAIMING PAST DOMINANCE WHEN WE WERE MEANT TO BE THE ONES SHOWING OFF OUR CREDENTIALS. DID WE EVEN HAVE A DEFENCE TODAY? I COUNTED FOUR CHEAP GOALS. PATHETIC, JUST PATHETIC. WE'RE GOING TO FINISH 7TH AT BEST AND LUKA AND BALE WILL BE GONE AND KING WILL RETIRE AND THAT WILL BE THAT. I BET EDEN HAZARD WAS WATCHING THAT AND NOW HE'S RIPPED UP HIS PRE-CONTRACT WITH US TO SIGN FOR THEM. WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. JUST CONFIRMS WE'VE FLUKED THE ENTIRE SEASON AND OUR PROGRESS OVER THE PAST FEW SEASONS IS BECAUSE OTHERS CLUBS HAVE SIMPLY NOT PUT ANY EFFORT INTO IT. TODAY WE'VE BEEN KICKED BACK INTO OUR BOX. I'M GOING TO MELT MY SEASON TICKET CARD AND MOULD IT INTO A MIDDLE FINGER AND MAIL IT TO LEVY. RIP TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR. LET'S NOT BOTHER TURNING UP FOR ANY OF OUR REMAINING GAMES, MUCH LIKE WE DID IN THIS ONE. WHY WASN'T SZCZESNY SENT OFF? HARRY, GOOD LUCK RELEGATING ENGLAND NEXT SEASON.


Bargaining

It's just three points right? Someone confirm it's just three points and three points is available every match so we can make up the deficit and boost it back to a ten point gap soon? Gloating rights mean nothing any ways, that's for kids in the playground. I don't care about gloating. Gloating doesn't matter right? We needed to lose because it will make us stronger so this is the best thing that could have happened. This is one of those sort of physical epiphanies, a slap in the face, a wake up call. I promise never to bait gooners on Twitter again or laugh at animated gifs of them crying. Seriously, had Lennon started instead of Niko we would have won the game. So Lennon has to start all remaining games and we'll win them all. Job done. That's what we need to do. We beat them at home, they beat us at their home. Points cancelled out then, all square then. Doesn't matter then. Might as well not count the derby games because of that.

Depression

Someone kill me. How am I meant to go to work tomorrow? All the gooners will be there early, newspaper cut outs plastered over their work desks, they'll even be gooners parading up and down the office floor that don't even work there. They'll be everywhere, all in their red colours gloating and boasting waving around DVD's of the Invincibles season in my face barking about shadows and 1961. That's it now, they're back in the title race and our season is over. We were wrong, we aint better than them. This single game of 90 minutes proves that beyond doubt. We've over-rated ourselves all season long. This is a disaster that we will simply not recover from. Utd will dick us next week and we'll be the ones looking up at a gap by the end of the season. Redknapp hasn't got a clue how to structure a side and select the right players and as for the Luka and Bale...sell them, cash in, and consolidate for the Europa League next season. I can't cope with the pressure. I don't want us to compete any more. It's too stressful.


Acceptance

We played poorly, we got what we deserved. No point ignoring it. Tactically not set up correctly, not enough of anything to muster up a sufficient challenge. Too much roaming. Fact is, they turned up for it and we didn't. That is surely all that counts. They were two nil down and thirty minutes later it's five two to them. There is no running away from it. Can't really complain if you never truly competed. Unacceptable from all concerned.

It's still one result, even if it always hurts to lose against them more so than any other loss. And this probably ranks up there with the worst of them. A harsh brutal reminder that nothing can ever be taken for granted. That's what expectancy can do. Still better to be here regardless of the result than to be stuck in the late 1990s and early 2000s when another defeat was added to a collective that anchored us to mid-table. As for them, only singing when they're winning. They'll have the bin bags out again soon enough. Clutching at beating us 5-2 will just belittle them further in the long run, much like the days when we held onto punctured victories like it meant so much more than it did.

Those last few sentences will only mean something if we remember this day and move forwards and consolidate our position. Onto the next game.

We've had our pride stolen. We need to claim it back. We need to stop believing in the hype. We have to be unified and we have to fight. We need to graft. Prove me right, Tottenham.

Why is acceptance so much like denial?

Someone let me know when it's safe to log back onto Twitter

The animal from the swamp wiped the mud off its face and proceeded to bite a massive chunk out of the mid-drift of it's hunter, feasting on it until he bled out. The attacker attacked, left for dead. The colour red covering his pale white face. This is what happens when you only shoot to wound and not kill. Aim for the head not a limb.

The game was almost a throwback to the early 2000s. Gutless. Lack of full blooded commitment. No sustained tempo. Take the lead, let it slip. And so on. That new founded mental belief evaporated and was replaced with jelly for brains. When you make Theo Walcott look good you know it's been a fairly catastrophic day. No doubt on the plane for the Euros off the back of that performance. You can't even laugh at the irony, what with one or two home fans seeking the exit at 2-0, ye of little faith, singing negativity one moment and positivity the next. How fickle football is. I much I hate it at times like this.

It means more than three points but for the moment, we'll have to be contradictory and just treat it like that's all it means. You wont be able to get away from them now. Probably the first time in a year or so that they'll pleasantly remind you of their existence.

Did we expect that result? Of course not. Neither did they. Pundits and fans - based on form - thought the team in white would have too much for the team in red. Form thrown completely out of the window, what a cliché, what an obvious twist to the story. What a disappointment. What a humiliation. Can only hope this is an isolated blip, a spike for them, a dip for us.

I guess being favourites in the eyes of most played straight into their hands. This game, excluding the two against the Mancs at the start of the season, is the first time a strong Spurs side has been spanked. It's taken us to the end of Feb to finally get dicked. Perhaps the first true disappointing performance of the season. Boy do we pick 'em. Topped off with a sending off just to apply some extra pressure for the next game (Utd at the Lane). Scott Parker imploding. Somewhere, Chuck Norris laughs out loud.

Players need to take themselves back to when it was 2-0 and truly appreciate the footballing suicide that followed so that this ilk of surrender never happens so easily again. We should never be arrogant and carefree. It doesn't suit us. Players and fans alike. Even at 2-0 something did not sit right (aside from the fact it should have been 1-0, hey Gareth?).

Should have stepped it up, ruthless and relentless in mind and body after the opening five minutes. The players need to take themselves back to the moment of collapse. They need to hurt off the back of this as much as we are hurting. They're not alone either. Tactically it was a cluster capitulation of crap. Too deep. Not enough width. Not enough of Lennon. 442 leaving us too exposed. Thoughts of Sandro. Hindsight, how you tease me. I can't be alone in noticing them lot were not too bright in defence either, when we did manage to apply forward movement. They displayed spirit and guile. We didn't. Oh 'Arry, what went wrong? Arguably his worst day as Spurs gaffer.

Failed on the pitch, failed on the chalkboard.

We gift wrapped the game by simply being present without a worthy enough presence. Always a danger, even against a wounded animal that wants to prove to the world it can still run. I said this would be a potential issue in the build up to the game and thanks to the complete lack of footballing karma, the Gods persist in favouring the past rather than looking towards the future.

I have to be deeply philosophical about this. Sure, everyone is dishing out spankings to each other (ooh) and at times you can argue they go against form and stature based on what's transpired this season. And one game does not define a season or a team. I love how football works. One bad performance and one good performance and everything that happened before is no longer relevant, even though it all goes back to normal a week later.

Still doesn't excuse what happened. Can't say I'm happy, can comfortably admit to being numb and dumbfounded. It hurts. More so because its a loss against a broken Arsenal side that will probably go on to lose in the coming weeks and deem this result nothing more than a moral victory. Which is still hardly acceptable. Expectancy is an ugly thing. We never wanted to accept defeats against them when we were rubbish for near enough a decade but we accepted the reality. It's equally difficult to accept what's happened today when we've been London's top side all season.

They will no doubt use this as a catalyst to turn it into a season defining performance (although quite how their persistent problems can be repaired off the back of one win is anyone's guess). Much like we need to use it as a catalyst to come back from this and regain our swagger and confidence. It was nothing more than an anomaly, right? Defending all at sea, key players lost in drowning waves. We made it easy for them, yeah? Water bottles on the sidelines no doubt grinning with relief as smugly as the one that usually torments. Today tormenting us instead. Let's please just get back to the basics.

Typical Spurs? No. Just a reminder that even a side that's embraced momentum and progressed forward through out the season can still be susceptible to having its mouth smashed out of place.

It probably is typical Spurs, doing it the hard way, making sure we suffer here and there. It's probably why we remain so consistent with our support. Always be prepared for the worst because it has a habit of turning up uninvited.

The battle, today, has been lost. The war is about to begin. Not with them. But with the remaining games we have to contest. We just have to prove it to ourselves by dismantling the our opponents. The result might end up doing them more harm than good in the long run, papering over the cracks. They were not meant to defeat us so effortlessly. But to cite that catalyst again, it's not unknown for such results to galvanise a side against all the odds. Let this be a warning.

There was no masterful tactical genius at play. Just application. They made it happen, we allowed it to happen. It hurts even more for us thanks to those heightened expectations we took into the game. It hurts even more because we should have gone in 2-0 at the break. It's pretty much the most ridiculous of outcomes that no one predicted.

We now have to prove we remain the better team across the season by manning the **** up showing some of that seasoned tenacity that has kept us top three for so long and see this run-in through.

We'll sing for the shirt, the players will play for it.

The most poignant thing I've read in the aftermath is being written off for 4th spot after losing to Pompey in the semi-final of the FA Cup a couple of seasons back. That side was up against a gruelling fixture list, bare bones and backs to wall. We are far more equipped for a response this time round. In defeat, we have to make it that we are the ones that are galvanised.

The second most poignant thing shared was that our defeats are sporadic. Our rivals, in defeat, are systematic.

Don't knee jerk.

Still third. Still in our hands.

Just believe.

Go get some

One thing that's sticking with me at the moment is that thanks to the lofty position and the accolades and all the positive sound-bites and of course not forgetting the facts relating to form...we go to the Emirates as a team expected by some many to win. Wasn't that long ago we couldn't muster a win away from home against any of the considered 'big clubs'. We've only recently punctured that unwanted record (last year at the Emirates and Anfield) so this derby day on Sunday will require us to consolidate the new found belief we've stamped across the league this season and truly, definitively, once and for all prove we've grown up and don't mind invading someone else's patch and giving them a good smacking (that's a metaphor for the football rather than any norty business outside).

This isn't about coming back from the dead like last season. We've done plucky one too many times. This is about playing the Tottenham way, with pace and style. Playing without fear and playing to win not survive. No doubt they will also embrace pace and their own style and attack us. Best midfield wins. The irony is lost on them however, believing we are the ones that remain in their shadow when the reality is, they refuse to step out of the shadow cast down on them by distant memories of former glories.

Caution from within however, even a slight sense of nerves or an inability to focus and its not beyond the realms of possibility to get knocked out, blind sided. But if there's one thing this Spurs side don't struggle with these days is knowing what's expected of them and delivering it.

I hope I'm right. I hope their position flatters them and we flatten them.

Time to find out how big our balls are.

-

Episode 31 of The Fighting Cock podcast will be released Saturday after midday on itunes and the FC website (click on image below). It's a North London Derby special. Ooh, I can feel it in my bones, I'm going all tingly...North London is ours, North London is ouuuuuuuuurs...

For the podcast archive click here.

'Follow'

by Flav

We: The Yid Army

For many years the atmosphere in modern football has been on a steady decline. Sky Sports took over the broadcast rights of top flight football, the Premier League was formed, and we have seen the type of vocal support, once synonymous with football clubs, suffer ever since. Football had become sterilised, the fan experience less important. The key was money, and making lots of it. Football in England became a commodity, and the fans with it – easily taxable for a chance to see players of ‘world’s most exciting league’ in the flesh. Clubs would hire expensive branding consultants to redesign and re-launch the badge – it should be sleeker, advertiser friendly, free of symbolism that would confuse potential fans from far off lands, the latin slogans translated into English or dropped altogether.

Sky Sports pumped vulgar amounts of cash and launched news channels; the Premier League allowed them to reschedule football matches to make them easier to market. We had Grand Slam Sunday and Monday Night Football. Supporters suffered, while players, club owners, agents, and television stations reaped the reward. And so, fans sick of paying money out only to see their team perform with mediocrity (as they had no doubt always done) would sing and support less, and moan, mutter and boo instead. Winning became all-important, and to many club’s fans, the only thing that mattered.

One part of the reason why I love Tottenham so much is that for years our supporters bucked the trend. We would, win or lose, sing for the shirt and the players within in, loudly and proudly without a moment’s thought. The atmosphere at The Lane was heralded across the land by our own fans and the media alike:

Journalist Kevin Palmer of ESPN once said: Tottenham fans deserve credit for injecting the most electric atmosphere in London football. Chelsea's Stamford Bridge, a***nal's Emirates Stadium and the rest are muted compared to this enclosed bowl.

But eventually, the inevitable happened. You’ll find some Spurs fans that still regard the support we provide the players as something to behold. And in certain games this remains fact. But the more honest of us will admit that over the last few seasons certainly, the volume at the Lane has been somewhat muted.

It’s a difficult thing to remedy. You’re attempting to stir the inner passion of 36,000 people. You’re up against everything that Sky Sports has instilled in your everyday fan. If your team wins they’re amazing, and if they lose they’re nothing. Tradition and love dissolve to nothing when your players have their backs against the ropes.

But then The Fighting Cock had an idea. The Tottenham Ultras. We wanted to find a fixture we knew would be poorly attended. White Hart Lane sells out every home game that the first team plays in. The academy team obviously doesn’t have such a luxury. We decided upon a FA Youth Cup fixture scheduled for 16 February 2012 against Charlton at The Valley.

Forget the word ‘Ultra’. When we decided to use that word we knew exactly what it meant. But we chose it so people instinctively knew what we wanted from those that attended: come along, support the young players who are as much part of the club as Gareth Bale or Luka Modric, and sing as loud and for as long as you can. Show them players, and more importantly, the shirt their wearing, what they mean to us. But the Tottenham Ultras was and is certainly nothing to do with violence. We only harnessed its proper meaning:

Ultras are a type of sports fans renowned for their fanatical and elaborate displays of "support". They are predominantly European and followers of football teams. The behavioural tendency of ultras groups includes the use of flares (primarily in tifo choreography), chanting/singing in large groups and the displaying of banners at football stadiums, all of which are designed to create an atmosphere which they believe encourages their own team and intimidates opposing players and supporters.

We thought that 100 would turn up. Actually we desperately hoped that 100 would turn up. On the morning of the game I had images of just 30, and you know what, we would have been happy with that. What we were not expecting is the Yid Army in force. 250 Tottenham Hotspur fans turned up and did not let up, it was a cacophony of noise, it was everything we had hoped it would be, and more. Neigh. It was the one of the best moments of our Tottenham supporting lives. Passion. Pride. Energy. Everything that following football was once about. And it was fiver on the door.

We sung our hearts out. Every minute flew by as the passion carried us through a tight and scrappy affair. Tightly packed in the corner of the stand, in front of a Blue and White Banner that simply stated ‘FOLLOW’, surrounded by cowbells, horns, and flags, we sung. Not even the confiscation of our marching drum – ordered especially from Germany at no small cost – could quell the tide of Tottenham euphoria. It was truly an amazing thing to be involved in, and no doubt bare witness to.

We lost 1-0. A quality free kick in the 94th minute to smash our dreams. But we were defiant. We would not be crushed. And responded with yet more song, louder than before. The final whistle went and the young players were crushed, many of them slumped to the pitch. But we cheered, and slowly they rose, and they came to us, looked at us, and saw the passion in our eyes. For that moment, we were one together. Tottenham Hotspur, player and fan, a unit, the Yid Army.

-

For the brand spanking new-look Fighting Cock website click on the below image.

You can access the forums by clicking here.

Destroy

Nerves kicked in? Or perhaps not? Are you bouncing off the walls, giddy and excited? Primed to sing your heart out for the shirt?

For the second time in a season we go into the North London Derby as favourites. A far cry from the past dark days of mediocrity where a dominating Arsenal side had very little trouble picking off an average Spurs team, plucky and insecure and at times calamitous. Even when we punched above our weight adding blood and thunder to the dramatics, we still had little to show for it. Always managing to choke up and reflect with head in hands. I have to be honest. I prefer being the underdog but if you're not very good as the underdog then its not exactly the most fulfilling existence. Unlike say an Everton that always managed to dig in and beat Liverpool on occasions. We on the other hand could never quite get past that psychological barrier and crawl under the skin of our opponents. Not just against Arsenal but also Chelsea and others.

We've got past that now. Look at us, all grown up. No debate about it. Didn't quite happen in a blink of an eye either but gradually over the past few seasons, building on belief and taking advantage of circumstance. During the monopoly fuelled by Sky Sports the 'Top Four' were simply a class apart. We were not alone in our solitude. But at no point did we ever stop aspiring and reaching out for that impossible dream. Never looked like anything would change and yet it did. It has. It's not quite a level playing field thanks to the injection City have sucked into their veins, but the generation of kings that ruled before are having to shuffle about in this game of thrones where one or two are about to lose their heads. Little old Tottenham in the thick of it, wielding its sword, looking to conquer. This time with eyes on the crown and no sympathy if rivals end up on a stake.

Stature rebuild aside, more importantly we are finally playing the type of football that tradition would beckon upon us, the type that comes with backbone, something that we've lacked for so long. We've watched our spine strengthen in the past three years. It's not out of luck we find ourselves challenging.

Our form has been solid this season so much so that even if we lost (this Sunday) that tide that's turning will go on turning regardless. It's not up to us to chase any particular club as a benchmark. It's up to them to keep up with us. The only benchmark we should be concentrating on is the one we set ourselves. But you wouldn't wish to sacrifice Sunday as part of any learning curve or  blip or reminder. We are all aware, white or red, what this game means. It's of the ilk that makes it the most unbearable to watch because defeat is always the most gruelling punishment to endure. Perhaps the confidence going into the game adds to the discomfort because we've been so conditioned to praying and hoping for so long.

Everyone knows that form aside (it goes out of the window) there's pride which pushes everything else left over. Everything goes out of the window other than the desire to get one over your rivals. It doesn't define us or the club, but there's no ignoring the hatred. Gloating rights might be a fragmented subject to quantify at any given time but neither set of fans are going to want to give them up.

Win and it consolidates the wind of change. Draw and you're happy you've not lost. Lose and you feel sick and empty and rush through the stages of grief telling yourself the defeat is one in isolation and doesn't quite tell the story of the season that's played out (although in the past it was just another defeat to add to the collection). But then in isolation, a win is a win regardless of all the other story arcs ongoing. A win is more important even though pragmatically if you win and then lose the following week it doesn't quite have the impact it should. But then when does pragmatism play a part in such a game?

Times are changing/have changed. No matter the rhetoric spat in our direction you have to be fairly numb and in denial to tag Tottenham with the forgetful version of the past when the past no longer haunts us. Ironically, the past is haunting them. In memory and set in stone outside their ground.

Teams have sustained success and during that period its relevant for them to be bullish and self-righteous. When a side begins to lose its spark it has to attempt to either claw its way back to the hedonistic heights or regroup and reinvent. Arsenal are in flux, a prolonged transition where Wenger has remained true to his ethos and philosophy. We joke he's deluded. Some of our fickle neighbours flirt with bin bags in protest. But the crux remains, he has to manage his side true to his ethos because his hands our tied up by the board and the club is run in terms of finances and transfers. Surviving is finishing in the top four. They know nobody else could retain their lofty placing in the league with such constraints.

But they expect more. But then expectancy is a commodity not everyone has a privilege of bestowing themselves with. I'm not one of them (obviously not, I'm from North London) so I can only comment from afar and the reality is that although there is delusion in terms of the words spoken and the false sense of entitlement he reverberates (echoed in the mind set of some of their fans) he has no choice but to carry on doing what he's doing. Perhaps blindly, as the reason they have fallen from grace is that he persists with a Plan A when a Plan B is required because they simply don't possess the players for Plan A. And yet, they're in 4th spot. Crisis? What crisis? A crisis born from a fractured reality, one that doesn't need to exist. But it's how they wish to exist. Caring more about ego and believing you can only ever sing when you're winning.

The counter argument is that for a club of their stature they should be in the title hunt every season and they should be winning silverware every season. The contradiction must be heavily disguised because they don't appear to see it. Ambitions aside, they might be more comfortable turning up for games and supporting their club if they released the shackles of expectancy and got back to basics. But I guess they're made up of different DNA to the rest of us. Genetically altered by their custodian who moulded the club in his image.

We have been mismanaged for more than a decade but with stubborn perseverance and at times learning from embarrassing mistakes made, we've pulled ourselves out of the shallow grave we slept in. We've always been ambitious but in practice we failed to achieve. Thanks mainly to style over substance and media hype and that key ingredient of expectancy that has so much influence over how the football is perceived.

But we've gradually, progressively shifted towards consistency. At home and then away from home. Which has seen us reshape the clubs mentality. Whilst we worked hard at it, others faltered. We can't change the past. The 1990s (post 91) were diabolical. Early 2000s equally grim. It's hardly a shock to Tottenham fans, we know we never competed. But we're competing now. I'd rather concentrate on how alive I feel for supporting my team throughout those mid-table seasons making the past few a joy to behold as we grip the top tier and refuse to let go. We are building something great. We're playing the best football in the league. Don't pretend you haven't noticed. You can't ignore or stop the cycle of football as it churns out its new chapter.

We still have a fair distance to travel before we complete the transformation. Although I've spent the best part of this article fleetingly comparing the changes between us and them, it's important to note that above all things I want to aspire to what Tottenham Hotspur should be all about when Tottenham Hotspur is striving for greatness. I'm not even asking for sustained success. I just want my club to be glorious in effort, be it in one cup final or the league.

We've not been beaten by them for a several games now (in the league). Form does go out the window as cited already. They are hurting and they will want to prove a point and make a statement and what better way to do that than to strike at us head on. I want us  to dodge the strike, grab their hand and twist it around until it cracks and they bend their knees in agony falling to the ground as we stand over them, smacking the back of their head until they burst into tears and plead for mercy.

Looking at their form across the season, they are most likely to lose a few more between now and the end of it and without wishing to be patronising a win for them will be a moral one rather than season defining. That's just my own opinion, you might not agree. It will however be the latter for us, no doubt, the media will tell us in the aftermath (if that's how it plays out). Our form across the season suggests we'll finish in the top four. It's all hypothetical based on what's happened already. So let's not take it for granted.

Perhaps it's impossible to strip all the musings and comparisons aside when discussing this match in its build up. Regardless of predicament, you want us to smash them to pieces for all those seasons of misery we had to accept grudgingly in contests that were hardly fair when comparing the two sides man for man. They never showed remorse, always displaying arrogance. Regardless, you still want to smash them to pieces because of what they are. There is no need for reason, no need to validate. It's the way it is.

They will remain in decline if their support forever worship an over-played 2004 DVD. But that doesn't mean they can't be dangerous like a wounded animal. It doesn't mean they can't find something from deep within. These games are never ordinary. But then some wounded animals are better off taken out back and put out of their misery.

If it's going to come full circle we'll have to wait patiently to find out so either way denying or stating it hasn't/has happened doesn't matter. Their expectancies and ours, not relevant. The only thing that matters is the next game. The next game is against Arsenal. A franchised entity with cracks in the marble. Fans that are only visible when it's safe to be out in the open (not seen a single post from an Arsenal fan on this blog for over a year when in the past they celebrated every Spurs defeat like it was a victory for them by trolling the comments section). A club with no true defining birth, aborted time and time again. A canvas with a French artist staring back at it, sombre in thought, with no paint left to aid the restoration of his degraded masterpiece that now has the scribbles of a mad man scratched into it.

I'm not asking for much. Just their destruction.

We didn't beat Stevenage

What a wonderful afternoon of cup action on Sunday. Fluid sexy movement, push and run football from the visitors and gallant efforts from the lower tier hosts who battled bravely to defend their pride against the hot-shots from North London. It was a majestic occasion.

That's basically how I hoped this match report would start in an ideal post-game world, however what we got instead was abject hoofing, fragmented selection and quite possibly Tottenham's most below par performance of the season. Seriously, 0-0? You sure? Credit to Stevenage, but that was poor. This wasn't Spurs, it was bizarro Spurs trying to out-crap the previous cup game away day at Watford. It's like we're trying to be the anti-cup side this season and do as little as possible as we muddle through each round just to prove how nonchalantly we can be and still win in the end. Although the win is on ice until the replay. Compounding matters further was the ITV coverage that included in-game interviews. Pleasantly surprised they hadn't booked in Haye and Chisora to make an appearance to spice things up a little.

I could have written up a match report citing said hoofing of the ball and the general lack of botheredness and focus along with our initial formation (and the eventual shift to 442) and questioned why we took such an apparent risk in not playing a strong cohesive side. Be thankful I'm not going to make you re-live the match in blog format.

We've since been told one or two of our players are 'injured' and not match fit. Hence the selection. But in all honesty, the team we did field should have been more than capable of dismantling the hosts. If we want this FA Cup (Bolton at home once Stevenage are dispatched in the reply) we need to start treating the competition like it matters. But then what do I know. I'm a fan with an internet connection and Harry Redknapp is the one being touted as the next boss of England. Damage limitation on a dodgy pitch away from home, job done is probably the reasoning (excuse). Second half was better than the first, if only for the apparent discovery of shape the team managed to embrace.

The only positive I can draw from this experience is the fact that you can still count on one hand (a finger or two) how many below par performances we've had this season. And still not lost (I'm ignoring the pre-Parker defeats, they don't form part of our new history).

If (I'd state when but I've already cited dispatched, and trying to avoid a karma jinx) we get past Stevenage and play a stronger side at home to Bolton...we'll be in with a chance of making the semi-final.

Might as well book that open bus for the parade.

Hold up, you mean if we beat Stevenage then Bolton we have to play a semi-final? Can't we skip that  altogether? No?

Oh well. The dream is already practically over then.

Let's pretend we scored a goal

Thanks to everyone that turned out at the Valley yesterday evening for the Charlton v Spurs FA Youth Cup game as part of the #tottenhamultras project. Disappointing we lost to a last minute goal, but the night was a fantastic celebration in supporting our club. Tottenham fans singing relentlessly for ninety minutes in a boisterous impromptu mess as opposed to the more colourful spectacle of the South Americans and more serious synchronised madness of our continental counterparts. We're never going to quite match that. Although we did have a man in an elephant mask.

Beer. Song. Love for Spurs. No constraints or pressure of expectation. It's that simple. From London Bridge to the Valley and back, its all been recorded so looking forward to sharing the short film when it's edited and available on online.

We had our drum taken off us along with various banners. Apparently you have to inform the club in advance that you're bringing a drum. I struggled to understand this even more so when the stewards told us that it's not permitted due to the home fans not being aware of the drums impending visit and that the noise might offend them. Going with the same logic they should have confiscated our voices at the turnstiles (I'm bringing the comedy). However, all in good banter, the stewards were great hosts and we just go on with it. We had cow bells and a baby drum in reserve. We are minimalistic ultras, size doesn't matter.

The Fighting Cock team would like to thank you all for the support of #TottenhamUltras, a brilliant night that even a defeat couldn't ruin.

Special mention to @Teflon6 and @eperons for their road-trip (driving) from Belgium through to France to Charlton and the 8% bottled beer + Eden Hazard inside knowledge that would make the head spin off the ITK community. Tremendous effort made by both to travel into London for a youth match. Also meet a lot of people yesterday (Twitter folk, forum dwellers, WHL regulars), it's all very blurry looking back on it but honoured to finally shake the hands of @WindyCOYS and @SpursBlogger - both essential for your on-line THFC consumption. Only regret is not having more time to speak to the both of them along with a number of other Spurs folk I had the pleasure of hugging (including @jodmitchell our iphone app developer).

Great feedback from the players themselves via Twitter, all very appreciative of the noise being made and experience given, something that John McDermott (“I’ve got to say I thought the number of Spurs fans was amazing. It was like a little White Hart Lane. To be able to play in at atmosphere like this is a fantastic experience, but it’s just a tough pill to take at the moment”) cited in the official Spurs match report. Charlton even used our Ultras tag in their write-up when mentioning our support. Nice touch. Some quality chanting at the game (Stretch ! Stretch ! Stretch!) all in good humour.

So again, thank you to all that turned up for this. Going forward into next season we're hoping to organise more youth team/friendly away trips to complement the first teams support on the road and offer an escape from the more controlled environment at football matches where we are sometimes made to feel guilty for standing up and singing.

Altogether now..."This isn't our train, this isn't our traaaaaaaaain, let's not get on it, this isn't our train".

Love the shirt.

-

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Hazard's dad tells us what we know already

Hazard

Pretty much inconsequential until we hear official word but off the back of Eden Hazard citing Tottenham, his dad (in a follow up interview on Belgian tv) has stated the following about his in-demand wonder-kid son:

- Eden wants a move to an English club (no shocker, we know this)

- The English club has to offer him room to grow in combination with Champions League football + attacking style of play (I think we can be confident of appeasing him on both accounts)

- There is 'very serious interest' from Spurs

- Eden has stated he likes Spurs (having initially felt we were some way short of his expectations of a prospective club last season)

- He's been following us closely and our ambition combined with our playing style is right up his street

- Negotiations are in progress, but nothing has been signed

This is not ITK. This was an interview, so make of it what you will (hold back getting his name on your shirt) but it appears to be fairly encouraging. More so when I'm told Eden is not your textbook mercenary who is after the best wage so no reason why his dad would be attempting to engineer a transfer war for his sons signature.

(thanks to Belgian Spur for the update)

Bruno Uvini

Hands up how many of you instantly browsed to You Tube and searched for footage? Yeah, me too. He's a central defender (not a Rodrigo Defendi with any luck, but both hold Italian passports) that has only appeared a handful of times for his Brazilian club Sao Paulo. U20's captain and U20's World Cup winner. That's about as much as I know and footage of robust defending on You Tube wont tell you anything more other than perhaps good editing by the uploader.

He's on loan/trial. Move could be made permanent in the summer. 'One for the future'.

Tommy Huddlestone

Another op so no disguised passes or Hollywood cross field balls this season as he looks to sit it out with only his Afro for company (if he continues his charity drive not to have it cut until he scores a goal, then BAE will have mad competition come the start of next season). Tommy might be slipping down the pecking order but having him available would have been a positive not to be frowned upon. Quality player. Shame this season has past him by.

David Bentley

The Forgotten Beckham is apparently seeking a move to the MLS ASAP to get fit, according to his agent. Apparently he's already kicked his luggage across the Atlantic. No confirmation yet if it landed in a skip.

Harry Redknapp was wrong

Tottenham 5 Newcastle United 0

If there was a performance that defined the word galvanised this was it. Harry’s court case, the England job, the White Hart Lane faithful, the players...everything fused together perfectly to drive forward an emotive and at times wonderfully majestic game of one-sided football that illustrated what is so good about this Spurs side.

Patience is not a virtue that is often allowed to settle in amongst all the hyperbole and drama at any given club. We all knee-jerk in some way. Sometimes more subtle than the next person, but we’re all guilty of it. It’s simply self-doubt in an opinion or in someone or something. You react to it without properly processing every eventuality. One of the common trends of complaint and concern this season has been our squad depth. This was under the microscope recently during the month of January, resulting in players leaving the club and a couple arriving. Replacements for back up players when we all craved top drawer signings.

We scoffed. Scratched our heads. Fickle and forgetful considering the last time we misbehaved like that was when Scott Parker was signed. It’s almost like we reset our pragmatism each time. We're actually a very decent side. We should revel in that far more than we do and have confidence in that fact. In Harry we trust, finally we trust him.

No van der Vaart so no 4411. Saha upfront with Adebayor in a traditional 442. Kranjcar retaining his place. Defoe and Lennon returning  on the bench. The galvanised effortless movement and attacking prowess was beastly. Every player alive and hungry. We’ve questioned and debated the form of Adebayor, excusing his lack of goals because of the way he fits into the system we play but still we've shown concern for his quiet performances as of late. Isolated at times and with a despondent first touch. Yet against Newcastle he was electric. Unplayable. Four assists. Two for Saha one for BAE. Took the fifth goal for himself. Adebayor with eight assists for the season (edit: It's ten assists apparently). The option of playing two upfront when Rafa is unavailable is now enticing. Trust.

The new founded double act working tirelessly, running into space, into the channels looking for the ball, looking for each other. Saha, a wealth of experience knowing where to position himself. Along with every other Spurs player out there, they made a point. They made three points.

We showed everyone watching what Redknapp has crafted at Spurs when Spurs turn up at full pelt.

Benoit in the 4^th, Saha in the 6^th, Saha in the 20^th, Kranjcar in the 34^th. Saha's second a joy to behold in terms of team work. Over on the bench Harry was displaying pure emotion, releasing the stress of the court case with each goal scored celebrated like he was punching the bitter face of the HMRC.

The home crowd boisterous and proud singing their support for the manager. After the Wigan game (the support sang for Harry) this game finally witnessed a genuine embrace from the stands. A bear hug Martin Jol would have been proud of. One Harry fully appreciates. It’s almost surreal, hearing ‘We want you to stay’ when at times we’ve been quite withdrawn for vocal support for him by name. Mainly due to the fact that he has distanced himself from Tottenham (‘them’) and the fact that he has very much always prioritised his brand name above and beyond all. He probably still does but you can not detach yourself from a club completely without the consequence of forging an affiliation with its fans.

We know Harry, we know he’s about looking after number one but he’s let his guard down a little. Just enough for us to finally invite him in. It’s a very poignant moment this. And deserving for the successful restructure of a club that was a mess and massively under-performing when he first arrived.

Newcastle had an effort or two in the first half but nothing that looked like puncturing our defence successful. If there was a criticism to be aimed at us I would suggest we need to start looking at taking free kicks instinctively rather than attempting to craft some ilk of masterpiece from a set piece. But that’s been a long running issue with us. Corners included. At half time and at 4-0 the most telling stat belonged to the aforementioned Adebayor. Four assists, so lazy he couldn’t be arsed to score any himself. Until the second half.

The second half was not as rampant and bullish as the first. But it was still one of comfort and joy. In the opening forty-five we dominated with concise effective possession. We were clinical and brutal in our approach. You can question Newcastle’s positioning but to take advantage you still have to endeavour to do so. Which we did with pace and tempo, relentless punishing tempo. Sometimes it just clicks altogether perfectly. Even with the players missing and the ones on the bench we did not look like weakened in any way. We welcomed back our manager and reminding him that there is more quality to work with in N17 than there is with the Three Lions. If he fancied staying put.

As for the second half not being rampant. Luka and Niko continued to work their socks off. Parker dominated Perch and Guthrie (mismatch) with his tenacity and commitment. Newcastle desperately missing Tiote and Cabaye. Even when we started to give the ball away a little, we never looked like a side that was concerned with the pace of the game slowing down. The fifth arrived on the 64^th minute mark, Saha header with Adebayor hooking the volley into the net and then getting tickled for his effort in celebration whilst holding his knee on the ground. One or two other half chances here and there. The crowd continued to sing Harry’s name. Lennon and JD replaced Bale and Saha. Nelsen came on for King. There was even time for a superb reflex save from Friedel from Ba.

Perfect evening. Handshakes all round.

The back line was powerful. BAE brought the crazy. You almost forgot we had King and Dawson there. In control and composed. So good, you didn’t even notice them. Apart from Benny. He always makes sure you notice.

Parker and Modric the perfect middle two. With Livermore performing so admirably and Sandro an option, we look to be fit and ready for the battles we face in the coming weeks. Parker was back to his best, tackles and distribution. Luka is Luka. A gem, a wonderful rare gem, a thing of beauty and priceless.

Bale solid, hard working without the individualistic quirks.

Kranjcar equally solid continuing his form from the Liverpool game, defending/attacking. Team player.

Adebayor’s best performance in Lilywhite. A Godzillaesque impact on the game, smashing down the black and white skyscrapers that Alan Pardew has built.

Saha a revelation. Levy and Harry’s moneyball transfer tactic coming up trumps again. If he stays fit and performs with this level of movement/intelligence then we have the rejuvenated kick we’ll need to make this second half of the season as successful as the first half. Defoe looked lively when he came on, fitting into the style of play Saha left when he was replaced. All three should keep each other motivated enough to compete for a place up front.

At the final whistle, with Newcastle outclassed, and everyone Lilywhite gleeful, we could all look back at what was further proof that the progression of Harry Redknapp’s Tottenham continues to gather pace More than it's already gathered. Ambitious. Daring is achieving.

A team of brilliant individuals that play for each other and the unit. A team that plays for their manager. A team that can adapt formation when necessary. A team, on form, easing to victory over one that lacked any cohesive shape and simply failed to contain and compete sufficiently enough to make a fight of it. To bully a side like this is a requirement if you aspire for the progression to continue.

Suddenly, there is no knee-jerking looking at our squad. We have an option to play Niko who will retain possession well and link with Luka when discipline is required with a touch of cross-field vision. Lennon is now back if we wish to exploit space and stretch with width. With three forwards available we can rotate in a 442 and still have the option to play the 4411. With one defeat in 30 or so home games we have set the benchmark for ourselves to complement our possession by scoring goals and killing teams off. We’ve bossed many a game and not done that. It’s so much easier when you’re clinical because you can seek to push the game beyond the opposition in no time at all.

As for the gaffer, he wont be able to say no England. Its the pinnacle (for him). However, sometimes, an epiphany can change all that. Hoping he had one yesterday.

Harry Redknapp was wrong.

This season is the best we’ve ever had it. Last season was evolutionary as was the one before. It’s continued into this season without the slumps and loss of confidence. Just strength solidified from one game to the next, momentum held close to our pumped out chests as we crow at ear-bursting levels. Tottenham, a big club in a big league.

Fantastic players, freedom of expression, brilliant football. That’s as good as it can get for anyone.

You should love your club unequivocally no matter its stature or position. But you should never feel guilty if you lust for something more. Our tradition and our style, the Tottenham way...we’re oozing it at the moment. Not in cameos like so many seasons in the past but in sustained form. Long may that continue. Because when you strip away all the want for silverware and top four what truly matters at the end of it is the joy your team gives you. This team doesn't fail to disappoint and I can't smile without it.

Harry Redknapp was wrong but it still makes him right.

Love the shirt.

Tottenham expects

And we're back. Back to the football once more. Sort of.

We've got a game that will no doubt be dominated by the vocals of the home support singing the name of Harry Redknapp. It would have been all about the not guilty verdict but it's shifted a little thanks to that little matter of the England job and it's availability. In today's press conference Harry handled himself very well. The media present lapped it all up (the joke about losing the England job before he's even got it went down a storm). That's Harry. Entertaining. Gives them the sound-bites they demand. Whether he can keep everyone onside a year or two into looking after the national side is up for debate. The press, they will always turn on you. Even a favourite will be built up because the sound of the thud made when he falls is too much for them not to crave. Perhaps Harry is the chosen one the media will worship no matter what.

/tumbleweed

Other footnotes from the conference include safe and respectful answers to questions relating to England and that other thing, whatisface...oh yeah, Tottenham Hotspur. The club he's currently contracted with. It's hard to work out exactly what Harry might do next. You would expect him to want the national job but he hinted its something he'd have to consider with his family (managing England can seriously damage your health). He's focused on Spurs he says. Which is what we expect from him until circumstances change. Hopefully if the FA ask for permission then they along with Redknapp agree its best to wait until the summer to make anything official. That way, everyone is content.

We've still got plenty of work to do this season. It would help if something happens quickly either way. I can't be alone in being completely bored of all the (rival) managers and players and their constant approvals for Redknapp for England. This is also quite beneficial to our 'opponents'. Bless their concerned hearts. We need more Chelsea/Utd/City players telling us what the FA should do. I do know they get asked the question by journalists so they are obliged to comment on it. Would still like to see a memo fired out to the ones that frequent Twitter stating they should stick to discussing Nandos than stating the bleeding obvious. Shock horror <insert name of English footballer here> would like Harry as the next manager. Really? How unexpected. Shame no one dared to be more original, if anything just to cause a nice distraction to the mundane. Warnock for England trending would have made my day.

But then that's the nature of the game. Tabloids and Sky will make sure they ask a dozen people for their opinions to continue generating the hype to fuel their 24 hour coverage of an hours worth of news.

I know people say it's akin to tapping up. It's not (not really) but its still amusing how dismissive everyone appears to be of Spurs in all this whilst we are told by various ex-pros and pundits along with current Top Four opponents that the FA just have to give him the job. Don't ever believe that the media perceive us the darlings of the Prem. It's Harry they adore. We just lucked out. The patronising is grating but we're big and bad enough to ignore it, right? We've had to deal with a lot worse down the years.

So, to the football then. Newcastle United at the Lane. No van der Vaart which means no deep moving link-up play with the midfield. This could result with one up front with that one looking more like a zero, all alone and isolated. Perhaps not as extreme as what we witnessed away to Liverpool. However, this being a home game we'll more likely to move the ball with better fluidity and create chances even with a single body working the box. Then we have the return of Aaron Lennon and his probable inclusion giving us complete width from the right to the left. Would be rude to dismiss the shift Niko put in last Monday, so he's in with a shout to retain his place if Harry prefers to introduce Lennon off the bench.

One up front? You've got to fancy a more traditional 442 for this one. We got away with it at Liverpool because of the restraints on selection. We can dare to achieve a little more at the Lane.

It's Newcastle United. They're going to give it a go and they'll be sparky up front, not afraid to attack. So best we look to dominate as the home side should do and keep them busy at the back. Something that will work better if we start with two forwards. Radical stuff.

Defoe is back. So Adebayor will have a partner unless JD isn't quite 100% and Saha is preferred. King should be available (to partner Dawson) but Sandro and Kaboul are doubts. Shame about Sandro as we could do with being very competitive in the midfield (although his inclusion would not quite fit into a 442 - and there's always Livermore for backup). Control the middle and you'll control the game. The onus is on us so we simply can't afford to be bullied.

Effective possession. Something the likes of our two key players are more than capable of doing. Parker patrolling the park and Modric making magic. Got to be confident with that. They've got to be equally pumped up when White Hart Lane will be positively bouncing with energy and noise. I also hate to see Alan Pardew smile.

It's another big game for us. When do we ever involve ourselves with anything less? It's a good time to be Spurs. Harry has done a grand job for us. I remember the start of this season well. The despondency based on the back end of last season and the suggestions that he had taken the side as far as he could. Proved everyone wrong again. He makes a habit of surprising people. If he moves on we'll remain a fantastic proposition for the next man to come in and take the helm. That's still neither here or there for the moment.

All that matters is the next game. Anfield was a test, one that had us display a master-class of grit and defending in containment. On Saturday we have to defend our proud home record by attacking. The lucky ones going will sing their hearts out and we'll endeavour to go marching on.

COYS.

Love the shirt.

We're going to remove Harry Redknapp once and for all

 

Conference room 23.

Famine - I'm struggling with the character development of Alfie in Eastenders. I don't get why he persists with Kat and her flaky antics.

Pestilence - Sorry what? Eastenders? Don't watch it. I'm more a TOWIE man myself.

War - Great. So whilst you two are busy watching tv I'm getting my arse handed to me on Call of Duty. You two do understand the concept of a clan, right?

Death - Can we settle down please? I'll be taking the minutes.

Pestilence - Do we need to refer to the previous agenda?

Death - No, no. This is an emergency meeting to discuss the Tottenham Hotspur situation. Gentleman, I'm afraid its all gone a little pear-shaped. Famine, take the floor please.

Famine - Yes, well if you would all look towards this power-point presentation you'll see some quite horrific stats.

Pestilence - Is that a Mac book?

Famine - Yeah, it is.

Pestilence - I thought you had an iPad.

Famine - I do. But that's more for Angry Birds and music; David Guetta, Pitbull, One Direction...

Pestilence - Cool. I'm digging that Lana del Rey chick at the minute. Very brooding. What's that app that allows you to stream music?

Death - *cough* Can we please move onwards with the presentation gentleman.

Famine - Yes, so, what we have here is a rather disconcerting trend that shows Tottenham's continued progression under Harry Redknapp. Champions League, followed by 5th and now currently sitting in the top three of the Premier League.

Pestilence - Any chance we can get Jenas recalled?

Death - I'm afraid that's a no. Simply not possible. He's contract working at present.

Pestilence - Shame. I preferred it when we were the Fab Five. Good times, good times.

Famine - Concerning these stats, in terms of output, you'll see I've done us much as I can possibly do with Adebayor.

Death - Good work there, it's not gone unnoticed.

War - It's not deterred them though. He might not be scoring, but Tottenham hardly ever lose games.

Famine - Yeah, well...we all know why that's the case, don't we?

War - What?

Famine - Nothing.

War - No go on, put down those Jaffa Cakes for a minute and just let it all go. You obviously want to say something.

Famine - Just that if it wasn't for you dropping the ball in the summer we wouldn't have the difficulties we currently have.

Pestilence - Here we go again...

War - What difficulties exactly?

Famine - Look, all I'm saying is, I did my job within the structured time-lines outlined in the business case submitted prior to season 2012. I meet all my objectives.

War - What and I didn't?

Famine - Sorry, someone please confirm to me. Does Luka Modric play for Chelsea? Is Scott Parker rubbish?

War - Come on, I stirred up enough in the summer. I went above and beyond my remit. Try working with the Daily Mail before you get all high and mighty about meeting objectives. I pulled all the strings I could get my hands on to engineer a move. That Daniel Levy obviously has contacts high up.

Pestilence - Can I have a Jaffa Cake?

Famine - If you weren't so busy drinking with your mates instead of putting in the extra hours.

Pestilence - I'll just take one then...

War - Extra hours? I do over-time all the time. Have you seen my travel expenses? I'm a busy man and if I want a cheeky pint with John or Luis then that's my business. I'm allowed a social life.

Famine - Just admit you were distracted on this one.

War - I oversee a variety of work buddy. I don't get distracted. You keep plodding along with your nonsensical roadmap whilst the big boys do the big jobs.

Famine - You know what, screw you and by the way, what is that exactly?

War - What?

Famine - That.

War - It's a bow tie.

Famine - A bow tie?

War - Yes.

Famine - Jesus wept.

Pestilence - Where? What? Again?

Death - Can we get back to the main agenda please people.

War - There's nothing wrong with bow ties. I'll stick to fashion and corruption of man whilst you stick to overseeing the transfer window.

Famine - I've got two words for you: Nelsen. Saha.

Pestilence - Got to admit, that was a great touch.

Famine - Thank you.

War - Yes, yes. Okay. Whatever. They wanted gold and you gave them rust. Give yourself a medal.

Death - Enough! Please, everyone quiet down for a moment. It's obvious we have to be more decisive here. Long term implementations are not as fruitful as the forecast outlined and we are running out of time.

Pestilence - Guys, guys, hold up, hold up...this isn't good news. I've just checked my Twitter time-line.

Death - If it's Piers wanting his old job back, tell him he's got no chance. I've been made director.

Pestilence - No, no. It's...haha, laugh out loud!

Death - What?

Pestilence - Oh, no, its something else I've just seen. Someone just #FF me and it's Wednesday!

Famine - Laugh out loud!

Death - What was the first tweet.

Pestilence - Oh yeah, that. Redknapp has been found not guilty.

Death - What? How did this happen?

War - Why is everyone looking at me?

Pestilence - Did you not deal with the jury? You we're meant to deal with the jury.

War - That wasn't my task. Surely that's your responsibility?

Pestilence - Yes, normally, but you agreed to support me. You know I spend most of my time down at the Emirates these days.

War - Are you sure you had me pencilled in to cover you?

Pestilence - Mate, check you Outlook calender.

War - It's not there its...oh. It's there.

Famine - I rest my case. Amateur.

War - You know what, I've had enough of your BS. It's not my fault Outlook didn't pop up the calender reminder. How am I meant to know if I don't get the pop-up?

Pestilence - You have that problem too?

War - This laptop belonged to you before it was handed to me. IT gave me this when I lost my Blackberry in Acapulco just after you started working from home.

Pestilence - Doesn't look like they fixed it before handing it over. Acapulco?

War - They have nice beaches.

Famine - Textbook. This is exactly like the time when Inter were four nil up and you feel asleep. Remember what happened that night?

War - I was on a double-shift. I was tired. It was four flipping nil! And let's be honest here, that match was meant to be your responsibility.

Famine - I had the flu.

Death - SILENCE! I have to report into my direct line later. I need to take something into that meeting, something positive. Has anyone got any suggestions?

War - There is something we could do.

Death - Go on.

War - It's not strictly within company policy.

Pestilence - Oh God. You're going to suggest the locusts.

War - No.

Pestilence - Plague?

War - No, enough with the old skool.

Pestilence - We've got no budget left for the Biblical stuff anyway.

Famine - What then?

War - This will knock them for six. Devastate Tottenham Hotspur once and for all. Their season will spiral out of control in the aftermath and we can finally close this off.

Death - Go on...

War - We're going to remove Harry Redknapp from the Tottenham job once and for all.



Two weeks later.


Conference room 23.



Death - What happened?

Famine - This is monumental, it really is.

Pestilence - It's screwed up England though.

Famine - England are always screwed up. They don't need to be any more screwed up. Anyone can handle that account. We've got interns looking after it ffs.

Death - What happened?

War - What particular detail are we referencing?

Death - The detail concerning removing Harry Redknapp once and for all.

War - Oh that. Look, soz and all, but things happen, you know.

Famine - Things happen?

War - It's obviously Outlook again, this time it's that forsaken spell checker. Gone and corrected my spelling when it wasn't necessary. Got me all confused.

Famine - Spell checker? You're blaming spell checker?

War - Yeah. Blame the IT department too, they really need to look at upgrading. I mean really, Office 2003? Get with the times already.

Death - What happened?

War - I sort of removed the wrong person from Tottenham.



One week earlier.


The FA: Ladies and gentleman, the new manager of England...Kevin Bond.

-

Previous episode:

The Four Horsemen of the Spur Spurcalypse