Group hug

Dry your eyes lads. At least we have a cup final to look forward to this Saturday.

As for tonight, I made it clear I didn't care for pre-match selection and if that meant making 10 changes to the side to protect other priorities, regardless, I would not be using that as an excuse post-final whistle. Unlike say our neighbours always manage to do. I wanted 110%. Sadly the side could only give about 60%. The reality is you don't win anything with a patched up team that hand out gifts to an opposition that will be nothing less than clinical in acceptance.

Too much belly-button fluff from us. And their belly-button fluff congealed far better than ours.

The less said about the defending the better. Harry probably got what he wanted. No more Carling Cup games to interfere with the schedule. I feel all dirty for saying that. Sell-out. Cue various shrug type sound-bites from Harry and the Sunday Supplement crew positively creaming their pants. Heads up and just avoid the rags. You'll work your way through it, no problem.

At least Sandro looked decent.

Lesson to be learnt? In future, regardless of what else is going on around us in terms of competitions, never...never ever play a weakened side against the enemy. Yes, the EPL is more important. Yes we do not want players picking up needless injuries...but this is the NLD. Reserve game or otherwise. It's a crock to lose it.

COYS. Onwards.

The Carling Cup NLD is not important

If you believe the title of this article, you're an idiot.

Yes, yes, it’s the lesser of all the silverware available and we have two massive priorities (4th place in the EPL and our Champions League adventure) to contend with. And no doubt Harry and Wenger will probably play a little mind-chess with their selection tomorrow night, probably (via the media) agreeing to play patched up sides of yoof, benchers and a few select first teamers thanks largely to injuries and those other priorities.

This gives them a chance to compete and win on an almost even playing level without selecting a best eleven, and thus appeasing the thirst for blood both sets of fans will demand. If we win, it's because we beat the kids. If they win they'll tell us how amazing their kids are. And for the losing manager, they will churn out the type of excuse that will no doubt hurt either set of fans, about how 'it was only the Carling Cup/it doesn't matter/it's not important'.

Even though this is only the Carling Cup, it's still a North London derby, and I'd be hard pressed to find a NLD that doesn't mean a thing. I'd be gutted to lose to the swamp things. If we had no players to select and had to field bits of string and belly-button fluff I'd still demand 110% and would be crushed if we got beat. It's Arsenal. It's the enemy. They think the same way. Why would any of the collective creeds think any differently?

We live to hate.

If it was up to me, I'd play a full strength side and be done with it. No belly-button fluff, well apart from JJ. It's all highly unlikely considering Harry has already stated he will use the entire squad to select his team from and in addition King, Corluka, Kaboul and Gallas are all (apparently) unavailable for selection thanks to injuries. Wenger has the same headache, not wanting to risk certain first-teamers because he'd be left with little in reserve if they pick up knocks on Tuesday night.

Which means, if you really want to be anal about things, you could argue that it's not a proper fully-fledged NLD because neither side are going to be anywhere near all-mighty strong. Which sounds like a ready made excuse to me. So let me refer you back again to what I said. I don't care who plays. Losing to them is never acceptable.

That's it.

Wear the shirt with pride. Get stuck in. Tenacity Tottenham. Bite their b*llocks off.

COYS.

Food for thought

Sunday Supplement. On Sky Sports.

I avoid this like the plague, but much like daring biblical middle class day trippers curiously staring at leprosy sufferers, waiting in anticipation for a limb to drop off, just for larfs, I found myself momentarily transfixed at a segment of  this past weekends show. Momentarily, I hasten to add. Before the remote was found and used.

The topic at the time of viewing was Arsenal and their title credentials. Host (Brian Woolnough of the Daily Star, yes the Star, which is apparently a news paper with a sports section) cited the Sam Allardyce quote ("Wenger has the media in his pocket"). This was the catalyst for much hilarity.

John Richardson of the Sunday/Daily Express made a follow-up comment in agreement that Wenger has, at the very least, the London media in his pocket. This was then the cue for Ian Ridley to enter the discussion.

And so began the spectacle.

Ridley (Mail on Sunday, yes, the Mail, which is apparently a news paper with a sports section) went into full-defensive mode and as he explained to the panel how majestic Arsenal are with their hospitality for journalists and how wonderful they are because of it. He went onto explain that Wenger is wonderful and that he supplies a copy to file on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and that the Emirates media suite is wonderful and that they have no trouble going beyond their catering budget to make sure everyone is more than content.

Wonderful.

Then Ridley held back the tears as he told Woolnough ("Is there a point to this?" - he asked) that the oh so lovely media girl at Arsenal was leaving. Heart-breaking stuff. He was clearly devastated, what with holding back the tears.

There is no naivety on my part relating to clubs pampering journalists with preferential treatment. I'm sure it's industry standard, to some degree. Across many industries. You'd be daft to think this sort of thing didn't go on, be it as subtle an approach as you like as far as the hosts are concerned. You have to look after those that can be critical towards you because they can be equally praising and less critical if you are accommodating enough. It's fair to say that for every huddle of hacks who go over-board with the superlatives for them lot across the road, there are many who are unbiased to the core.

Then Ridley out-done himself by just coming out and saying what was so blatantly obvious at this point if you had half-attempted to read between the flimsily held together lines.

He admitted that because of the lengths Arsenal go to in order to pander to said journalists, it places them (the hacks) into a state of mind that will result with 'sympathetic and more empathetic treatment' compared to other clubs who offer lesser facilities and hands-on pampering. So, in this example, unbiased is a word we can't be flaunting around. Ridley doesn't cite any other club.

So, to clarify, Ridley is saying out loud that because of the manner in which he (they) are treated, they are influenced with how they might report on the game or news items involving the club in question.

Back of the net.

Daniel, if you're reading this, I suggest you amend the redevelopment plans and make sure there is a massive suite for the tabloid and broadsheet mob in the new ground. I'm thinking jacuzzi (with accompanying sexy females), mini-golf range, a Michelin chef, Bruce Forsyth who could provide light-hearted humour and do that thing he does where he says he'll 'clear this place' (classic, Bruce, classic) if things get saucy with the bikini clad girls, the Michelin man - hey, why the heck not? And we could also get Harry to write up the actual match reports for the back pages because there'd be no time for the guests to watch the game what with tongues firmly lodged where the sun doesn't shine...and we'll be set to go.

We could even build a dungeon of doom for Matthew Norman deep in the dark depths of the foundations of the new stadium, tied up to a chair Clockwork Orange style, watching never-ending re-runs of Tottenham defeats from the 1990's and flashing imagery of Ramon Vega defending. We could wire up Norman's face to harness the airflow generated from his constant gloomy huffing and puffing facial expressions which could in-turn power the grounds air conditioning system so we can have more money available to spend on black Caviar and Cristal champagne for our esteemed members of the press.

It's a win win situation.

An actual conversation with a Spurs and Arsenal fan

Directors cut. Because I don't like to edit. Not safe for work. Unless you plug in your earphones.

You'll have seen one or two 'conversation with an Arsenal/Spurs fan' videos doing the rounds in recent weeks. Below is my own version. A short film. Well actually its not mine, it's yours, whether you're a Spurs fan or one of them lot from down the road, I've weaved your words into a conversation as the material used is regurgitated quotes, sound-bites and commentary taken from recent forum posts, blogs and discussion threads.

Well done all of you.

You can also view the video here.

You tube channel
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Levy, don't even think about it

Dear Mr Levy,

I'll get straight to the point.

Leyton high road, in-between the KFC and Orient is Coronation Gardens. Lovely place, probably the only place in Leyton where you won't find a bed mattress or broken television every few feet as you walk briskly along. What you will find are some park benches, specifically the ones that face the high road, near the bus stop. And here, on Fridays and most weekends you will see Whiskey Tom. You can't really miss him to be honest. Stinks to high heaven, always intoxicated on Tennents, puking up against walls, screaming at the trees. He's about forty-five, looks sixty. Scruffy beard, stained clothes. You get the picture. He's a hobo, a tramp. Probably has some mighty deep story about how he ended up on the streets, but you'll never get past his ramblings to ever know.

He's a fruit loop. My personal favourite was the time he pissed in his boots and chased a number 357 bus screaming till his lungs burst that 'Satan's seed needed to be purified'. Go visit, he's always there. Not sure what he does for the rest of the week, but probably sleeps it off in some squat somewhere. Or just uses one of the many street-beds you get in that part of east London.

If you want to sign someone on a free, then I suggest Tom. To my knowledge he has absolutely no associations with Chelsea and Arsenal and even though his plight appears to be one of sadness, he's actually quite content with his little kingdom of desolation. You'll never find him sitting in the middle of the street crying. Standing up and urinating over cars, guaranteed on a Saturday night.

Don't say I didn't give you the heads up.

regards,

Spooky

Not for the faint hearted. It's the NLD...

It's not lost on me. The irony. That we can have a season full of hope and genuine progression, not of the deluded kind, but the type where other fans concede (and thus confirm) that we have made some decent strides forward. And yet two successive defeats could result with the gold at the end of the rainbow lost for yet another season in a downpour of angst and pain. Eternally, it would seem, out of our reach.

Some have knee-jerked already. Harry out. Yes, we do have fickle fans who seem to sing with the rest of us and then riot the moment things don't go our way. And yes, it's frustrating to see the same tired excuses suddenly cameo to ruin what was a perfectly good Cup run. But these things do happen. And to suggest they always happen to us is the type of victimisation that a fan of any other club, even the ones that win things regularly, mumble about every now and again. The world and the Gods of fate always stand in the way, as its usually the only comfort we can take when, I don't know, people slip in the mud or a perfectly good goal gets disallowed. How else do you get your head around it? Oh right, of course. Blame the manager.

Depending on your perspective, the season will either end in tears or be one that we can look back proudly on - and that's even if we fail to finish 4th. But then that depends on whether you think/believe Harry saved us and has got us moving forwards or whether he took advantage and acted out his saviour role but will struggle (is struggling) to take us to the next level.

How bad were we under Ramos? Two points, eight games bad. Bad enough to go down? Probably not. All it needed was some back to basics that he (HR) provided. He got us on the up, when most thought he'd fail. So can we really truly be critical of him considering how the opposite of patience (what we usually dish out on and off the pitch) has hardly ever helped? Yes, he's an interim manager (IMO) who will pass us over to the next big thing when the time comes, but his work is far from over. Stability is the key. Otherwise there is nothing to be handed over, apart from another fine mess.

Perhaps with the money spent and the players we had - at the start of this season - challenging for 4th had to be a given. It's turned out to be a given through-out thanks to the hard work and graft by all concerned. It's quite obviously never been a banker. But then that was never going to be the case. We've made ourselves CL contenders, with the aid of the ever decreasing power of some of the Top 4 sides (Liverpool anyone?). Some fans will say that 4th this season was never the objective and that we have over-achieved and based on last seasons antics, we should be happy with our lot. I see that as nothing more as a ready made excuse to appease people who can't handle the pressure.

It's all part and parcel of supporting a team. You're going to have ups and downs, and in this era of the monopolised Sky Sports 4, you take what you can when you can and try to make the most of it. And in the midst of it all, you make sure that the club and team grows and matures and progress is had. We've dropped points that would have been useful at this juncture of the season. But we lost them because we're not quite good enough, in some quarters. Beating sides who defend deep and with numbers and breaking them down has proved to be a bugbear. We'll learn from it. There is tinkering to be had with the midfield and the attack and sustained long term plans for the central defence conundrum (i.e. King's future). We'll learn from it and push onwards because there is no other choice.

Okay, so it's gutting there is no additional Wembley day out. Move on. It's done and dusted.

Chelsea on Saturday. Utd the following weekend. Yes, we have injuries. Yes, arguably we might not have players mentally strong enough to pick themselves up from the Pompey loss, and if that's the case then all that's left to do is renew our season tickets and look forward to a summer where City will spend half a billion and we request donations to the Tottenham Foundation when the poorer side of Manchester come knocking. We'll be in the thick of it again, no doubt. Regardless of how much other clubs look to improve, we'll improve ourselves. Which makes the Premier League even more open and entertaining.

But before all that, there's the matter of the NLD to be resolved. Two sides, depleted, both not at the level they wish to be and both having their own personal and differing issues with defence and attack selections. It's open. Its massively open. More so than you think. Yes, it can turn into a one-sided affair, if either the whites or reds take the initiative and turn the tempo to a pulsating level early on. We've seen that happen plenty of times before. Or perhaps one team might dominate, and the other nick a point at the death. Or perhaps, tired legs will play a fatal part in the result. One thing is for certain, there is far more of a 'underdog' feeling about this based on the fact that we've not had that much time to rest and the fact we've been dumped out the Cup. But alas, excuses, excuses. I don't care for these minor details. The game is completely unpredictable. And I'd be damned if I was going to sulk pre-match about it.

It's the North London derby. A match solely based on matters of a footballing nature. No politics or religion. Just football. Two neighbours forever hurling abuse over the garden fence. Would not want it any other way. Well, apart from perhaps building an extension that casts a shadow over their back yard. Knock-down ginger doesn't quite cut it anymore.

Form guide? 23 games. Same amount that Gareth….sshh. Don't say it out loud.

The players, they should be fired up regardless. As fired up as the fans. No one can argue that we've not had our moments in these games in the past, but having moments is not always enough to guarantee the three points and the all important bragging rights. One of the inherited legacy problems Harry has is the fact that unlike other sides (City, Everton etc) we never manage to get one over our rivals. We always turn it into a struggle. That's how we roll. Perhaps its because of the hype, self-perpetuated by stupid players and the media that we are somehow on par when we're not. Dig deep, play the role of underdog. Show no respect. Because on the day the belief can be that in the 90 minutes - we can better them, and surely that's all that's required? That's how we should roll. We did exactly that in the 5-1 semi but went to pieces earlier this season over in their patch.

But fuck me if you think I'm going to dig a grave six foot deep and dive into it with a copy of The Opus and a lock of hair from Daniel Levy (use your imagination).

Yes, it's going to be a bitch. Gotta love the fixture list computer giving us these three games towards the end of the season (insert David Dein conspiracy theory here). It happens. No reason to complain. Two London derbies and a trip to Old Trafford. I'll take that gladly thank you very much. In amongst it with the potential to rattle the odd cage or two.

So yes. We've got injuries. And yes, City are ahead in the race for 4th. And yes, most gooners I know have gone from saying they'd be happy with a point to now telling us they will win with ease. All because we lost to Portsmouth. Enough of the sound-bites.

It's a North London derby. Selection headaches, positions, aspirations. All irrelevant for the occasion at hand.

It should be nothing more or less than the most important 90 minutes of any season. Blood, thunder, drive and spirit. And tenfold passion. How else can you possibly match the noise in the ground? If that can't elevate you then nothing can. And yes, bite me, I'm a football romantic, but to me these games should be defined by guile and tenacity of the players out on the pitch. And not because XXX is out injured watching from the sidelines.

To dare is to f*cking do, so just f*cking get on with it and do it.

COYS.

Living with the Enemy (and Bruce Springsteen)

by guest-blogger Tricky

The thing about North Londoners is that there are two sides to the extended ‘family’, the ‘forces of good’ and those from the ‘forces of evil’.

There are many amongst us who have families with representatives from both sides. Call it a ‘quirk of genetics’, ‘rebellion against the good’, ‘the black sheep of the family’ or just plain ‘getting it so horribly wrong’. There are those for whom ‘never red’ derives more literary connotations than anything else.

I have bona fide relatives who come from both sides of the track, and so for many years have learnt how to deal with conversing with the ‘forces of evil’. Additionally, work, and life in general, has also has led to my meeting many more ‘gooners’, some of who appear on the surface to be thoroughly decent chaps, and dare I say it, some I even get on well with and like as people outside of football.

But all that means nothing at least twice a year when the finely honed the ability to deal with them in a manner that allows, at the very least, moral higher ground rears its head. When ‘bragging rights’ and other such choice phrases start being banded about by the media hacks in a pre-emptive stylee.

The thing is, with all the arguments and counters from both sides that our aspirations would have us join them (or preferably replace them) at the top of the footballing elite in the seemingly mythical ‘top4’, the ephemeral ‘goose that laid the golden football’.

But a word of caution, perhaps we should be careful what we wish for, as we all wish to see success at our beloved WHL, but at what price?

The thing that I have learnt the most from decades of banter is that both sides see their frailties, but it is only the white side that are sufficiently open enough to acknowledge it to others. The red side are more blissful in their belligerence and denial.

And to be fair, it’s not their fault that they have believed every press statement from their club, and more specifically their manager.

And it’s not their fault that the timing of the stadium rebuild and the costs were to go silk glove in sweaty hand with the deepest recession for many decades, and so it’s understandable that the squad are not the ‘tour de force’ they used to be 5 years ago. And Ok they never really replaced Patrick Vieira, mostly due to financial constraints and this ‘grand plan’.

And so what if their stadium has hampered their ability to compete with players wages and transfer fees with the real top clubs in the last few years, and who cares if all it has done is attracted plastic fans who are no more loyal to the Brand of ‘Goon FC’ than they are to ‘Ted Baker’. And so what If the atmosphere at the library was non-existent, then the Effeminates has more ‘corporate ’ who arrive just in time for their amuse bouches and entrees rather than to join in with the singing a song of support for their boys in red (and I use the term ‘boys’ quite deliberately here’).

And let’s be honest, when it comes to what the usual noise levels are like, please don’t ask a spurs fan (after all he’ll more than likely be biased) just ask ‘The Boss’ himself, who had to introduce additional soundproofing to put a gig on at the effeminates. Clearly noise pollution hasn’t been a problem before now.

                              The Boss: What do you mean I’m too noisy for you?

But it is worth noting that not all goon fans are that trusting of the powers that be, in the main they bitch amongst themselves, with the fans sitting it one of two camps, the ‘AKB’ or (‘Arsene knows best’) and ‘the real world’.

Spotting an AKB is quite easy, usually you can approach them from the side as the blinkers will prevent them from seeing anything that isn’t presented to them.

In fact approaching them from straight ahead is also easy if they will be sporting the latest pair of 'deludavision Dennis Bergkamp 2010 edition denial sensitive sunglasses'. 

Please bear in mind that an AKB will also not see the most obvious flaw in their manager, his deliberately obtuse and condescending attitude which keeps coming back to slap him in the face. Or at least it would if any hack has the balls to point out that he is a living breathing contradiction at times.

This can be most exemplified by his persistent whinging, take the it’s not fair we have to play against a team who has had a break midweek, when other (top4) teams are all playing someone who have played a midweek game earlier this season.

Do we now see Fergie and Ancellotti moaning about how unfair the schedule is as the goons now have to play a team that will be tired from an FA Cup semi only three days before? Do we hear it yet? No? Why not? Because it’s all part of the game, and playing fixtures over the course of a season you whinging pasty faced turd.

The main issue the goon fans seem to have is this; they cannot see that their greatest strength (their manager) is in fact also their Achilles Heel.

Each manager has his limitations and the fact is that Whinger over the years has turned into his own parody, an AKB will not only not see this (ironic, huh?) but will refuse to accept it even from a non-AKB goon supporter trying to make sure that not all of his fellow fans appear to be the sort of pizza faced belligerent window licker who tragically is probably now eligible to vote. This two-facedness by their manager has been shown on many an occasion.

(It is perhaps both ironic and unfortunate that in their collective failing they have shown that Spurs fans greatest asset is their ability to see, and point out on a regular basis, the problems of successive managers, without considering the value of ‘stability’).

This of course does not mean that those Goons who sit in ‘the real world’ aren’t in denial about their teams failings, far from it. Rose-tintedness can exhibit itself at any time during any given conversation.

The “We’re not a team of divers” debate for example – one of my favourites, and perhaps even more so, given the aforementioned propensity for generally contradictory statements by their Alzheimer riddled manager. When in 2006 Whinger suggested that players who dived should be banned little did he know that only three years later when playing Celtic, a certain Mr Eduardo would perform a dive that not only was blatant but registered 5.9’s from three European judges clinching him the bronze medal position. Subsequently he would describe the banning of one of his players who blatantly dived as a ‘witch hunt’.

Still, it has been said before and probably not for the last time, 'life’s not without its sense of irony sometimes’, the potential for rhyming slang with his choice of words alone is worth noting.

And so to round up this rambling there are a few more points worth remembering, should they be raised in some banter in the next 24 hours:

• The 2005 cup final, goons undeserved victors by playing 120 minutes of anti-football
• Theo Walcott / Wingnutt / Walnutt – he is to the goons what Jenas is to our team
• Whinger = Wengker = Myopic cheese eating surrender monkey
• Theirry Henry – works on a number of levels especially when in an Irish pub
• The fact that the ‘kids’ in the ‘cup team’ is now the biggest fallacy in the EPL today. Unfortunately a myth still perpetuated by the media, who have conveniently failed to notice that it is not what it was over 5 years ago when they were winning other stuff, it has now graduated into being ‘kids blended with experience’ or some other crass title that basically means ‘1^st team with a few rested and a couple of youth team members thrown in’ or more than likely ‘a balance of 1^st team starting and second choice members’  
• 5-1 in the Carling Cup; Fabianski, Sagna, Justin Hoyte, Gallas, Traore (Eduardo 65), Hleb, Denilson (Fabregas 18), Silva, Diaby, Walcott (Adebayor 65), Bendtner. Bet you don’t recognise any of their ‘yoof’ from that day a couple of years back, see above
• Carling Cup winners 2008, more recent silverware of note: FACT. (and if they say ‘its not real cup’, ask them if they would be saying cup double had they actually won both domestic cup, or would they just call themselves FA Cup winners, or maybe that doesn’t count either in their weird world)

            When is a cup not a cup? When it’s a domestic cup (according to some that is)

You see the single thing that IS entirely their own fault, is in believing the hype (something of course that we could never be accused of, clearly). After all to have the bitterness of defeat and disappointment you have to have tasted victory.

And when not winning anything, but financial stability is the end goal of the club, as I said earlier, 'perhaps we should all be careful what we wish for', as hollows victories are exactly that.

I shall leave all 'battle cries' to spooky, safe in the knowledge that sooner or later our time, as inevitably one day it will, will come. Maybe not this year, maybe not in my lifetime, but everything goes in cycles, sooner or later.

After all, that's why we have kids. Isn't it?

Remembering '91 and all that schoolboys own stuff

1991. April 14th. Wembley.

Not the type of game you'll ever forget, more so if you lived and breathed the entirety of that day. Even if it was 19 years ago, I still remember my journey to the Twin Towers via Walthamstow (my not so posh residence at the time). I remember how ominous the build up to the game was. Before that day nobody really gave us a chance. Not underplaying that in any way. Gascoigne's fitness was questionable and leading up to the semi-final most believed he wouldn't make it having played an hour or so of football in around 4-5 weeks prior to the semi-final. Gazza was imperative to us and had arguably inspired our cup run with some majestic performances. But just how fit was he to play a key part?

Arsenal were favourites, a side that hardly conceded and hardly lost (one game in fact), running away with the title - the double in their sights. Their cup final song already recorded, was the whisper which was not true sadly but it was a wonderful urban legend at the time in an age where In The Know's converged in pubs and not internet message boards. Such was the expectancy that they would brush us aside.

At the NLD earlier that season, I stood in the East Stand lower in the corner near the away end and remember the scum waving sterling at us, lapping up the misery of our financial leprosy. Game finished 0-0, and if I recall correctly, Gascoigne came close to scoring. An own goal.

Our money problems at the time deemed the semi-final one where a miracle was required. Winning the FA Cup was perceived by many as the only way to save the club. If ever there was a do or die game, this was it.

My journey in however was not one of nerves and fear. There seemed to be an air of understated confidence. Belief. Okay, so everyone who went to the game will probably have a different story to tell. Mine is simply that the singing and the bravado was all Lilywhite. It was a proper 'fuck it, what will be will be' attitude that had our lot smiling and singing. The gooners were far more subdued, tentative. More to lose perhaps? In their eyes, no doubt. In our eyes it was far far more vital to win the derby and the day.

"If we lose, I'll hang myself from a tree on the Seven Sisters Road" - joked one Arsenal fan on the tube to his mates, not a residue of humour to be found in his stern words.

"There once was a donkey named Adams, who played for Arsenal FC, they feed him on nothing but carrots, hee-haw hee-haw hee-haw-ee…" - sang one very drunk Spurs supporter, holding a massive massive can of beer (monstrous sized can) wrapped in a brown paper bag whilst other fans looked on. Some laughing, others giving daggers.

At the stadium, I was standing there hurling verbals towards the Arsenal coach that slowly drove through the crowd as the Arsenal players looked out of the windows smiling and waving. Me and several hundred other fans. All in good jest. Rude not to say hello.

Sitting high in the upper regions of the stand opposite the end we attacked in the first half, for the first time that day I began to brick it. This was it. Boring boring Arsenal against a team that lined-up up with Vinny Samways in midfield. Oh, and that Geordie who wasn't too shabby with his feet. This surely would be the most nerve-wrecking inducing game of football ever played, one that would shatter heartbeats leaving me gagging for air. The pressure tenfold. There is no possible way such a game can be enjoyed. No more understated confidence.

What followed was schoolboys own stuff. Fantasy football. The type of high impact tempo that must have played out in all our dreams the night before. What did I say about no way this game could be enjoyed?

The free-kick. That free-kick. The delirium was ridiculous. Before we had time to recover and pull ourselves down from the heavens, it was 2-0. This was now borderline orgasmic. Lineker with the second. Five minutes separating his poke from Gazza's 30-yarder. Arsenal pulling a goal back just before the break. We had them rattled but in no way was this done and dusted. Not yet. And conceding a goal just before half-time left us in a far less comfortable position than a 2-0.

Samways (yes Samways) alongside Gascoigne were both in wonderful form, and Howells (also just returned from injury) was having a good one along with one of the true heroes of '91, Steve Sedgley. There was some proper fully-charged effort, spirit and passion out there.

But the goons were not about to give up and got themselves back into the possession stakes in the second half. Gazza went off, replaced by Nayim, after and hour or so - shattered, but his work done.

Next goal, Spurs or Arsenal, match defining.

78 minutes. Samways combo with Mabbs, releasing Lineker who's shot squeezed itself through David Seaman's hands. 3-1. More delirium. To be relived countless times later in the evening on VHS with additional praise for Barry Davies and his timeless commentary.

Journey home was akin to a musical with a cast of thousands, singing and dancing in the streets and the trains back towards the north of London. No double for Arsenal. A life-line for Spurs. And an 8th FA Cup in memorable final.

I remember a chant of 'You've lost that double feeling…' to which one Arsenal fan screamed back abuse about us going broke. Not quite. Thanks to the victory over Forest. And Venables. Although what was to follow in the years to come dragged us backwards rather than forwards, stagnating whilst our enemy pushed forwards with an astute appointment and Sky Sports birthing the rise and rise of the monopoly.

But regardless, these types of days out are  forever written into history. A game of biblical significance and importance. One that won't be forgotten.

This Sunday, another cup semi at Wembley. Pompey the team in financial trouble, the ones seeking a miracle. Us, the overwhelming favourites. Not that I'm comparing this semi with that one back in '91. But let's not take anything for granted.

And following the Cup match, we've got Arsenal in the NLD at the Lane. On the 14th. Of April.

Uncanny.

COYS.

Bale and the Old Lady

I'd love a job where I could turn up in the morning and make some shit up with nothing to back up my claims and still get it signed off by my manager and approved and then published. No talent required. Just the ability to write ambiguous nonsense. Better still a job where I'm tasked with writing something for the sake of aiding an agenda. Substance is over-rated, right?

Bale to Juventus. A perfect illustration.

Tiresome.

Wank story which first did the rounds a while back along with the Bale to Birmingham stories that persisted before his renaissance began. In fact, this Juv link was possibly birthed and borrowed via the Italian press who are no doubt attempting to aid The Old Lady by suggesting Bale would be available on the cheap. A case of the Italian media creating some transfer hype and our media copy and pasting it. Testing the waters the aim of the game to see just how much Spurs might be willing to tag on the young Welsh star. Such is the plight of Serie A and it's loss of grace, they whore themselves via the tabloids. Bale would probably be boss out there, but he'd need a time machine to go back to an age when their league was golden. It's hardly that now.

So well done the media once more. Let's print some crap about Spurs but continue our campaign to turn Theo Walcott into some form of England international saviour by continuously publishing photos of him in non-sports sections of newspapers to keep him safe in the hearts and minds of the public (he's got a fit girlfriend too) and highlighting his odd goal and speed (he's fast, can't pass for shit, but he's fast) even though he's been predominately shite for 3-4 years and would be nowhere near the England squad if he played for anyone else. 150+ games for club, and about 10 half decent performances lost somewhere in there. But hey, he's English and plays for Arsenal so he must be good. Talking of which...

Forza Barca, innit? Messi was ridiculous. As was Andy Gray's commentating that was beyond bias. Yes, do (that's you Sky Sports) feel free to be pro-English clubs but do try and leave the hypocrisy and contradictions at home next time (that's you Andy). If you happened to watch the game on a stream (pwoper norty) you'd have heard Gooner Richard Keyes colourful words on the game including the golden "You've been shite son with your daft pink boots". Guess who he was chatting about? Very funny to hear the waxed one doing a Fanzone, unintentionally, and unaware he could be heard by one or two non-Sky Sports subscribers. There was even a Fart-gate incident in the studio. Hilarity.

Anyways (sidetracked there) I'm content with the purchase (Bale) we made from Soton. Walcott was rumoured to have agreed a move to us before changing his mind last minute. Phew. Our Azza had his moments when he looked to be nothing more than a speed merchant. He progressed. Bale? Progressing. Think we can smile about that. Theo does do a mighty good impersonation of Henry though with the posturing and blank moody face. All we got are big ears hidden by plenty of hair and a shaved eyebrow. Not quite newsworthy that.

There was a time when there was questions raised about how badly we handled Bale's development. Injuries, shattered confidence - credit to Harry Redknapp there for managing the situation with some finesse. 2012 is when his contract ends. So Levy, sign up that boy for an extra 5 years. Make it a priority. Would make it one less player the tabloids can badger us about. And we need to be keeping Old Man Fergie away a little bit longer too.

That was the week that was

So, according to Harry we need a goal-scoring midfielder like Lampard. No shit. That's why we tried our utmost to sign one in the last transfer window and ended up with Kaboul.

/tumbleweed

Pav is once more mouthing off. Although it's tiresome, it's equally so to hear Redknapp bang on about the player as though he was an integral part of the squad and yet hardly ever gets a chance, forever warming the bench. Okay, so it's doubtful he's even half the player we wished he would be based on what we've seen, but considering we've seen very little its impossible to truly gauge if he could possibly fit into the side. Perhaps he should turn up to training on a pogo-stick. If he did he'll be a shoe-in to partner JD.

Lawro is predicating us to lose away on Sunday. Looking at the state of their pitch I wouldn't be surprised, considering we struggle to score on grass that's green Christ only knows how we plan to play on the savaged mud marshes of Wigan. We tonked them 9-1 and since that day we've managed to lose our mojo which has seen us hiccup our way to where we are now. Still within touching distance. So perhaps rather than attempting to turn it on like Brazil 1970, we should simply be forced to dig deep and win. Otherwise we sink in the mud taking any hope of 4th down with us. Maybe Harry can mix it up a little with some long balls.

/tumbleweed coming through again

Still on the subject of Lawro and his opinions, he's apparently been telling everyone that Theo Walcott has to go to the World Cup. What the same player who's always injured and hardly does anything other than working on looking and acting like a glossed over arrogant twat so people can lay claim that he's possibly the next Henry? That Theo? Yeah, okay Lawro. Let's take someone to the World Cup based on potential. Jenas, if you're reading this, pack your suitcase.  If he (Theo) played for anyone other than Arsenal, he'd be out on loan to a Championship club right about now. Pace with no direction, and no end product. But he looks good with facial hair, so it's not all bad.

Carlton Cole to Spurs. Yep. When you thought it was safe to browse through the seedy underbelly of the internet (Spurs message boards) the ITK's are saying this is done and dusted for August. Rivaldo  also scheduled to finally complete his medical and sign for Spurs this summer.

Talking of West Ham, can I just say congratulations to Terry Dixon who has been called up to the Eire U21 squad. Two years out with a serious injury at a critical stage of his development, Spurs were amazingly patient, working to get him back to fitness - but then advised by specialists that he would have to retire. If any Irons are reading this, please get in touch. Would like to know how well he's doing in reserve team football. Considering Dixon was told he would never play professional football after his continued injury problems, I'm chuffed for the lad who seems to have unlimited determination and fight in him. Of course, he probably won't be half the player he was on course to becoming, but the kid is earning a living from kicking a ball, so that deserves a massive round of applause.

Seriously though. Carlton Cole?

Devastated to hear this week that Darren Bent has quit Twitter to concentrate on aiding Sunderland out of their slump. No, seriously, heart-broken. He's scored 16 goals this season so not sure how logging onto the internet and typing one sentence messages can quite possibly distract him from what happens out on the training pitch and during games. Obviously it doesn't because he's been scoring plenty. Perhaps the gap left in the world wide web can be filled by Peter Crouch. Would love to read his tweets about waking up next to Abbey Clancy.  Every morning. Does she wear panties in bed? PJs? Or perhaps just Chanel No5? I think these are important and vital questions. Questions that require answers (with accompanying photos for definitive clarity).

Final word saved for the enemy. Excellent back-pass, expertly touched with toe. Instinctive pick-up by the keeper. Superb release of the ball to the opposition and additional groan towards the linesman. Quick free-kick taken. Inspired blocking of the defender by the ref. Clever goal scored. Perfectly legal. Magical spasm on the touchline. David Lynch scripted excuse from the manager. Made me laugh out loud. With all the depression relating to our current dip in form, it's nice of them to provide everyone with a bit of comedy. Good work fellas. Keep it up.

Observations after Anfield...

Some observations after Anfield and beyond...(reposted, as the original article had comments disabled)

Did we learn anything from the 2-0 loss? We learnt that we always, without fail, choke when expectations are high. In fact we choke even when expectations are not high. Without fail. Ha! All we had to do was show some assertive swagger at Anfield and instead we failed miserably. Between now and April - if we stand any chance, any chance at all of finishing 4th - we have to remain unbeaten. Because April could well be a shower of pain. Take a look at the fixture list, then go sit in the corner of a room and slowly rock your body forwards and backwards until the men in white coats help you up.

Howard Webb is a mong. How many times has he directly influenced a game against our favour now?

Aston Villa 6 Blackburn 4. Did I really miss this game? Nine different goal-scorers? I even removed the recording from Sky+ just after it began because the other half wanted me to record American Idol. Which I happen to watch with her. Well, she doesn't actually watch it. I watch it on my own. With popcorn.

Did Jenas have a good game? Once more he divides opinion. Some people think he's shit others think he's crap. So, what do you think? Did he work hard or was he ineffectual out there? Flattered to deceive or under-rated? Who knows. Fact is he never does anything that can be perceived as completely comprehensive one way or the other.

The men holding the flags and the mong with the whistle are utterly incapable of understanding the offside rule and how it works in a passage of play where the player comes back into an onside position before the ball is played forwards again. Which is what happened with Defoe. I think.

Was I the only person who thought that was Pav on the touchline coming on only to then see Hutton? I think it's safe to say that our 'squad depth' is vastly over-rated.

Arsenal continue to exist within a bubble where the laws of the footballverse are ignored without question. It seems that brutal tackles are acceptable when dished out by one of the untouchables. The irony is invisible as witnessed with the cowardly foul Gallas committed on Mark Davies, with led to a goal for the home side from the resulting break away. Wenger, obviously, didn't see it yet feels it wasn't too bad. Didn't see it, but concludes it wasn't too bad. The logic. It's unparalleled. Dismissive. Anyone care to remember the Eduardo Crusade? There were rocks on the moon that knew about the heinous assault on the player thanks to Wenger's relentless ranting. Davies appears to have got lucky (not quite the right way to describe it). Brilliant stuff at the end of the game with Gallas and his Haiti awareness drive. Faux morality at it's finest.

Also worth mentioning how Wenger doesn't think his team did anything wrong by not kicking the ball into touch with a player down injured. How times have changed since 2006. Someone let BMJ know. WengerVision is in full effect.

Peter Crouch will never be awarded a free-kick in his favour, even if sexually assaulted in the penalty area. It would seem it's fair to hang onto the lank, pulling and tugging his shirt, kissing his neck and doing your utmost to drag him down to the ground so you can have your wicked way with him. Next tall person you see on the street, jump on his back and spank his bottom. No one cares. They're freaks. It's what they're meant for.

Bale. I feel for this lad. He isn't a bad player. In fact, going forward he is more than useful. Doesn't defend as brightly so development wise we need to work out where his future should be. Left back or left wing. Wing-back it is then. Regardless of the position the result is always the same. No win. It's not a monkey on his back. It's his monkey face. Resolution? Plastic surgery. Pin back those ears, shave his head and sort out some re-constructive work on his cheek bones and we're set to go!

When's Azza back? We're a one man team.

Build it and they will come

And they will. From Enfield, Chingford and Hertfordshire, in their thousands. BELIEVE.

Stewart Hugo. What a hero. He'll probably get his own brick in the Arsenalistion (no really, its a proper word describing how they plan to turn their home into a very visible stronghold) of the Emirates. Not sure why they're making a big deal out of it considering the work was completed years back. It's called Woolwich.

Anyways, read Hugo's masterpiece here. Apparently he makes the suggestion we don't have any young supporters. Damn that pesky gooner club, churning out teenage supporters via a top secret clandestine project; 'The Boys from South London'. Humourless cloned borgs, drowning in red scarfs. The experiment obviously leaving them devoid of the ability to sing although curiously some have developed muscular spasms that sees them jumping and waving their arms around relentlessly. You'll note they've been grouped all together in the far corner of the ground in the hope nobody will notice this cruel abomination.

Reckon when we DO (ya hear that Hugo?) finish building the new stadium we should Tottenhamlistion it. We could include memorial days in our history like when we bought Raziak and when we sold Raziak and that time we beat Southend in the cup. Or when we sacked Gross, what a party we had on that day. Giddy times.

Special mention to Fabio (now that's what I call a letter) for his kind words. Read the rest of the ranting and support at Haringey Gov site. Stop playa hating Hugo, you absolute melter.