How to win a North London Derby, by Harry Redknapp and supporting cast

Arsenal 2 Spurs 3

Oh ye of little faith. Myself included. Go on, hands up, even in the dejection and misery felt when the second Arsenal goal went in who had a feeling that somehow we were not out of the game? Even if you couldn't quite bring yourself to believe, I'm certain there were many of us out there who took solace in the fact that surely things would not get any worse which would mean they could only get better. And Spurs, when they do better it's not the bog standard type of bland and boring good. It's undeniable heart in mouth fantastic good.

The way we shaped up for the first half wasn't the only problem we gave ourselves. Giving space to Fabregas and the scum allowing for infinite time on the ball for them to lap up whilst we failed to display any guile or determination, brushed aside with ample easy. It was all gearing up to be another textbook Emirates humiliation. Let's all lube up and bend over because it's less work than standing up against the wall and throwing the bar of soap at their smug terrorising face.

Not sure what the worst highlight of the first half was for me. Gomes trying to claim the ball softly softly, scared it might suddenly and inexplicably evolve into something with a mouth and bite his hands off. Our Brazilian preferring to squander it allowing Nasri (the first ever female professional footballer to participate amongst men) to score from an acute angle for the 1-0. Cheap. Stupidly cheap. The ball from deep that found its way into the path of the ugly bint was from our seasoned tormenter Cesc who was given the freedom of the park to turn and pass. You felt at this ever so early juncture he would do this at will.

Another highlight was Nasri running off to celebrate, screaming out and slapping his chest and badge. I guess all for Willy G's benefit. Calm down Zizou. The second goal was another nomination for worst highlight of the first forty five. Because of the nature of its birth. Pav, keeping the ball in, but not in our possession (not that I'm blaming him but he started the move, the unlucky sod, from our own penalty area) for them to then counter attack off the back of it and score - it was easy. Comfortable. Effortless.

Cracking stuff. Sorry I meant cacking stuff. I was cacking it.

Surrendering by virtue of not turning up. Again. I was being inundated with texts messages and tweets. Laugh out loud they told me. I was at home, on my own in the living room, with the missus pottering about in the kitchen/bedrooms/wherever tidying up. Still slightly more noise than you'd expect to find at the Emirates, especially once she started to hoover up the hallway. But I sat in solitude, no words from my mouth other than a muttering of 'ffs'.

Volume on the tv was turned down, I didn’t bother with the half-time Sky Sports assessment. I didn't need two pundits and a presenter to tell me we were f*cking sh*t. It's not like Arsenal were tearing us a new one. They were having a go. Okay perhaps they were tearing us a new one because a comparison of both sides would have had us at opposite sides of the footballing spectrum.

They dominated possession, had us chasing shadows. Slick passing whilst we burst lungs for what seemed like nothing.

But yet that whisper in my mind taunted and teased me. It's only two nil right? I playfully posted on the Glory Glory forum at half time we'd win 3-2. A gleeful prediction shared out of desperation. First five minutes I said to myself, we'll know if once more we have displayed a lack of mental strength and belief that will doom us to yet another away failure to them and a 69th away game without a win to the traditional Top 4.

Within five minutes of the re-start, we scored.

It's the type of irony that I'd happily share a bed with and go bareback. Here is Tottenham Hotspur. Unused clipboard. No tactics. Completely out of the game and suddenly not just back in it with a goal but looking like we believe we could get something more out of it.

Harry is not Jose. Never will be. And it's usually all pretty much reactive and instinctive in terms of application. He adapts to the predicament and the players react to his new instructions. It's refreshing, be it naïve at times, and frustrating (the question still remains: Why not start off the opening minute the way we started off the 46th minute?).

Harry twitched and tweaked. He narrowed the midfield so that we were no longer stretched on the flanks. Tightened it up so that we could not just stand up against their midfield but take the fight to them - make them chase us and the ball. And the introduction of Defoe (on for the sacrificed Lennon) was the catalyst for the comeback.

BAE finding Defoe who jumped six hundred feet into the air to head the ball onto van der Vaart who had sixteen Arsenal players around him, pushing the ball into the path of a marauding rampant Bale who caressed it with one touch and passed it into the net with this another. It was bliss. It was a punch to the gut of the enemy that left them winded unable to stand up in defiance. World class control and finish from a player that will be world class in time.

We can chat away amongst ourselves about how they reacted to our goal, if you want. Perhaps for all their fancy pretty football and stand-out individuals, they lack a spirit and belief they once had in abundance. Who cares? I don't. We've been gutless for years and in the past two we've grown in stature and I'm hardly going to make excuses for the opposition. If they can't handle it and if they allow themselves to be engulfed by a resurgence in-game, then boo f*cking hoo. It makes them not good enough to win. Our places on that football spectrum - reversed.

As the minutes ding donged by we started to show commitment. Pride. Apparently at half-time Harry had a go at Bale for shaking Sagna's hand after a clash. Told him off, explaining we are not 'nice guys'. Whatever you say about Harry and his agenda(s), he wants to win. And if he's our manager then that means he wants us to win. He worked magical mojo at half-time that galvanised the side and allowed our top players to further galvanise the ones around them.

This meant the likes of vdV and Modric were now more involved able to play to their strengths. JD up top with Pav, vdV out on the right but running into central positions. 4-4-2, be it not set in stone. We were set up with one thing in mind. Attack. The intent forged with leadership - something you might nod towards the opposition and agree they lacked. It was more direct in style in terms of pushing forwards but it was effective and it instilled confidence.

How many times have we seen this now? Never say die Spurs. We lived dangerous at times but we have to accept that this new breed of Spurs has it in them to claw themselves back from the brink.

Belief.

Luka weaving and dinking through red shirts only to be fouled (more irony here - isn't it Wenger who constantly bangs on about flair players being hacked down constantly?) allowing for Kaboul and Rafa to stand over the ball, surveying options. Blast it through or curl it around?

What we got was a gift, one to cancel out the generosity of the first we gave them. Hands up if you're a bottler? Thank you Cesc. Heart in mouth once more. Cool as you like, Rafa sends him the wrong way. There's even time for some age-old conspiracy support work from Phil Dowd who booked Raf for placing his finger to his mouth whilst running past and looking at the Arsenal fans before he got to the away section to celebrate. Because that's really really worth a yellow card that. Unlike, I don’t know, an Arsenal player scoring at one end of the pitch and running down to the other end and sliding in front of the away fans.

2-2. And one or two red scarfed fans must have muttered to each other about choking and capitulation. Usually associated with Lily white and not ghastly red. Unlike the classic 4-4 there was still time on the clock and the third goal helped to illustrate that even though our defence is much maligned (with three key players out) their defence (with one key player out) is at times as accommodating us ours. I'd still prefer Gomes between the sticks than what they have to choose from.

In came the cross from Rafa (yet again involved), Kaboul's touch with his head finding its way into the net. This was now ridiculous. Uncharted (well, forgotten) territory. 2-0 down, 3-2 up. 17 years finally ended. Sixty eight games laid to rest. How very dare we. Can the new script-writer be signed on a 20 year contract please?

I screamed and shouted like a mad man whilst the missus (now sitting on the sofa whilst I bounced off the walls) asked me, "You're not going to start crying, are you?"

I held the tears back, man up I told myself. Like the eleven heroes standing proud on the swamp, within touching distance of a win. I remembered the words of a gooner (via Twitter) at half-time telling me in an unholy patronising manner that it was all okay because we had Bale and you never know - we might roar back in the second half. Now that's irony. I think there must be a network outage in his area because he's not been online since.

Eleven heroes.

And in amongst the talismanic leader and undoubted world class ability of van der Vaart and our crafter of creative work Luka we had Gareth 'never does it in the league' Bale and a certain Jermaine Jenas who has managed to make us forget that Huddlestone is missing from our midfield. At the back Kaboul, continuing to grow and mature and casting himself as a brand new NLD 'legend' for popping up with the winner.

And then there's William Gallas. Not good enough to have his hand shaken by Nasri, but more than good enough to shake the spark out of his former team-mates. Whether he is reclaiming past form or played to impress because of the occasion (or a combination of both) he deserves the plaudits for a commanding performance. And I hope he continues to play at this level. He has done himself a massive favour, endearing himself to the faithful. He's proved a point, to us, himself and them lot down the road.

I wasn't sure what to make of Harry handing him the captains armband. I'm hardcore Tottenham like most of you I guess, and it's sometimes hard to see past certain emotions. It's naturally not going to sit well seeing other players bypassed and Gallas made captain, but it was a stroke of genus. Inspired. If it wasn't for his effort first half we might have been punished further, with the game out of sight before half time arrived.

To win, in this manner, and to have Arsenal collapse on their own patch and take a hard kick to their chest from our boot - it was all rather majestic. Adding this onto the back of our 2-1 Lane victory and seeing how a similar hoodoo with Chelsea was finally laid to rest in recent times - it's not something to be dismissed as a mere fluke. We've grown a set of balls. Hopefully this victory will kick-start a run of games where the focus is evident from the start rather than appearing mid way through. Cease the moment and all that type of stuff.

Post-match was equally telling. vdV once more displaying the mindset that we've never had in the past - suggesting we move onto the next game. I like that. Not for the first time he's saying quite publicly - keep your feet firmly on the ground. But that's not to say we - the fans - can't gloat. Just a little. It's deserved.

Shall we make a dvd? Perhaps Arsenal will release one covering the first half only.

We dared to do. It was a thing of beauty to watch them lot display the type of traits we have been cursed with in the past. Plenty of graft to be had yet. But you sense no open bus parade mentality any more from us. Just the desire to improve.

Kudos to Harry. Even if it takes us 45 minutes for us to find our way. Although there is something wonderful about the guts and spirit we now possess. We obviously have no need for a clipboard. Maybe we can lend it to Arsene Wenger. As long as it doesn't come back broken.

Spurs; as likely to win the title as Arsenal. For a backhanded compliment, that pretty much shows the demise of the dark gulf that has separated us for so long. Not off the back of this single away day comeback. But over the past 2/3 seasons. They are still a good side and we still have to finish above them to truly claim the tide has turned. But it's hardly beyond the realms of possibility any more.

Going forwards, this game, this NLD, is no longer one we should look ahead to and knowingly have to endure. We can now look forward…and enjoy.

Come. On. You. Spurs.

Food for thought

Sunday Supplement. On Sky Sports.

I avoid this like the plague, but much like daring biblical middle class day trippers curiously staring at leprosy sufferers, waiting in anticipation for a limb to drop off, just for larfs, I found myself momentarily transfixed at a segment of  this past weekends show. Momentarily, I hasten to add. Before the remote was found and used.

The topic at the time of viewing was Arsenal and their title credentials. Host (Brian Woolnough of the Daily Star, yes the Star, which is apparently a news paper with a sports section) cited the Sam Allardyce quote ("Wenger has the media in his pocket"). This was the catalyst for much hilarity.

John Richardson of the Sunday/Daily Express made a follow-up comment in agreement that Wenger has, at the very least, the London media in his pocket. This was then the cue for Ian Ridley to enter the discussion.

And so began the spectacle.

Ridley (Mail on Sunday, yes, the Mail, which is apparently a news paper with a sports section) went into full-defensive mode and as he explained to the panel how majestic Arsenal are with their hospitality for journalists and how wonderful they are because of it. He went onto explain that Wenger is wonderful and that he supplies a copy to file on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and that the Emirates media suite is wonderful and that they have no trouble going beyond their catering budget to make sure everyone is more than content.

Wonderful.

Then Ridley held back the tears as he told Woolnough ("Is there a point to this?" - he asked) that the oh so lovely media girl at Arsenal was leaving. Heart-breaking stuff. He was clearly devastated, what with holding back the tears.

There is no naivety on my part relating to clubs pampering journalists with preferential treatment. I'm sure it's industry standard, to some degree. Across many industries. You'd be daft to think this sort of thing didn't go on, be it as subtle an approach as you like as far as the hosts are concerned. You have to look after those that can be critical towards you because they can be equally praising and less critical if you are accommodating enough. It's fair to say that for every huddle of hacks who go over-board with the superlatives for them lot across the road, there are many who are unbiased to the core.

Then Ridley out-done himself by just coming out and saying what was so blatantly obvious at this point if you had half-attempted to read between the flimsily held together lines.

He admitted that because of the lengths Arsenal go to in order to pander to said journalists, it places them (the hacks) into a state of mind that will result with 'sympathetic and more empathetic treatment' compared to other clubs who offer lesser facilities and hands-on pampering. So, in this example, unbiased is a word we can't be flaunting around. Ridley doesn't cite any other club.

So, to clarify, Ridley is saying out loud that because of the manner in which he (they) are treated, they are influenced with how they might report on the game or news items involving the club in question.

Back of the net.

Daniel, if you're reading this, I suggest you amend the redevelopment plans and make sure there is a massive suite for the tabloid and broadsheet mob in the new ground. I'm thinking jacuzzi (with accompanying sexy females), mini-golf range, a Michelin chef, Bruce Forsyth who could provide light-hearted humour and do that thing he does where he says he'll 'clear this place' (classic, Bruce, classic) if things get saucy with the bikini clad girls, the Michelin man - hey, why the heck not? And we could also get Harry to write up the actual match reports for the back pages because there'd be no time for the guests to watch the game what with tongues firmly lodged where the sun doesn't shine...and we'll be set to go.

We could even build a dungeon of doom for Matthew Norman deep in the dark depths of the foundations of the new stadium, tied up to a chair Clockwork Orange style, watching never-ending re-runs of Tottenham defeats from the 1990's and flashing imagery of Ramon Vega defending. We could wire up Norman's face to harness the airflow generated from his constant gloomy huffing and puffing facial expressions which could in-turn power the grounds air conditioning system so we can have more money available to spend on black Caviar and Cristal champagne for our esteemed members of the press.

It's a win win situation.

Observations after Anfield...

Some observations after Anfield and beyond...(reposted, as the original article had comments disabled)

Did we learn anything from the 2-0 loss? We learnt that we always, without fail, choke when expectations are high. In fact we choke even when expectations are not high. Without fail. Ha! All we had to do was show some assertive swagger at Anfield and instead we failed miserably. Between now and April - if we stand any chance, any chance at all of finishing 4th - we have to remain unbeaten. Because April could well be a shower of pain. Take a look at the fixture list, then go sit in the corner of a room and slowly rock your body forwards and backwards until the men in white coats help you up.

Howard Webb is a mong. How many times has he directly influenced a game against our favour now?

Aston Villa 6 Blackburn 4. Did I really miss this game? Nine different goal-scorers? I even removed the recording from Sky+ just after it began because the other half wanted me to record American Idol. Which I happen to watch with her. Well, she doesn't actually watch it. I watch it on my own. With popcorn.

Did Jenas have a good game? Once more he divides opinion. Some people think he's shit others think he's crap. So, what do you think? Did he work hard or was he ineffectual out there? Flattered to deceive or under-rated? Who knows. Fact is he never does anything that can be perceived as completely comprehensive one way or the other.

The men holding the flags and the mong with the whistle are utterly incapable of understanding the offside rule and how it works in a passage of play where the player comes back into an onside position before the ball is played forwards again. Which is what happened with Defoe. I think.

Was I the only person who thought that was Pav on the touchline coming on only to then see Hutton? I think it's safe to say that our 'squad depth' is vastly over-rated.

Arsenal continue to exist within a bubble where the laws of the footballverse are ignored without question. It seems that brutal tackles are acceptable when dished out by one of the untouchables. The irony is invisible as witnessed with the cowardly foul Gallas committed on Mark Davies, with led to a goal for the home side from the resulting break away. Wenger, obviously, didn't see it yet feels it wasn't too bad. Didn't see it, but concludes it wasn't too bad. The logic. It's unparalleled. Dismissive. Anyone care to remember the Eduardo Crusade? There were rocks on the moon that knew about the heinous assault on the player thanks to Wenger's relentless ranting. Davies appears to have got lucky (not quite the right way to describe it). Brilliant stuff at the end of the game with Gallas and his Haiti awareness drive. Faux morality at it's finest.

Also worth mentioning how Wenger doesn't think his team did anything wrong by not kicking the ball into touch with a player down injured. How times have changed since 2006. Someone let BMJ know. WengerVision is in full effect.

Peter Crouch will never be awarded a free-kick in his favour, even if sexually assaulted in the penalty area. It would seem it's fair to hang onto the lank, pulling and tugging his shirt, kissing his neck and doing your utmost to drag him down to the ground so you can have your wicked way with him. Next tall person you see on the street, jump on his back and spank his bottom. No one cares. They're freaks. It's what they're meant for.

Bale. I feel for this lad. He isn't a bad player. In fact, going forward he is more than useful. Doesn't defend as brightly so development wise we need to work out where his future should be. Left back or left wing. Wing-back it is then. Regardless of the position the result is always the same. No win. It's not a monkey on his back. It's his monkey face. Resolution? Plastic surgery. Pin back those ears, shave his head and sort out some re-constructive work on his cheek bones and we're set to go!

When's Azza back? We're a one man team.

Spurs 0 Arsenal 0 - Next time, yeah?

144th NLD
Spurs 0 Arsenal 0

So close yet so far. Should have, could have, would have won it yesterday. But alas, our eternal depression against Arsenal (as highlighted by a banner in the away end which disappeared when the Arsenal fans realised they might not actually win) continues that bit longer. We’ll have to wait for next season and hope they are suitably weaker if starved of Champions League before we can finally thrash them 1-0. My back will be waxed for space for the celebratory tattoo cometh that day.

Back to the present and arguably it’s not exclusively just our depression anymore. Rights appear to be subject of a sharing agreement between ourselves and the enemy in red. Both clubs with different immediate goals, and both struggling to get there. Arsenal, dare I say it, are currently closer to ordinary than invincible. We remain frustrating. Decent now and again, mediocre or worse more often than not.

I'm disappointed we didn't win it. More chances more possession. Palacios immense in central midfield, showing some of that much needed determination and spirit we so often lack. Modric pulling the strings, dealing with the physicality with comparative ease. Bit more end product there and you could get away with muttering ‘world class’ when describing the Croatian playmaker. But we'll suck that in for the moment and use it when its geniunely warranted (which won't be too long).

Arsenal (bless ‘em) defended well and retaining two upfront when they had Eboue sent off was rather clever tactics on their part as it stretched us rather than allow us to push forward in numbers had they resorted to all out defending.

For all the chances we had, none of them were clear cut, although Pav should have done better and if Modric had played the ball into the box instinctively rather than waiting a second too long at the death of the game (nice cameo by Taarabt), then Bent would have won the game in the final seconds. So maybe the chances were as good as being clear cut if we managed to get them on target. Close enough though to allow for shaking of heads despondently, and sighing if’s and onlys a couple of hundred times on the journey home.

Arsenal only ever looked dangerous when we allowed them to push forward thanks to the odd mistake here and there and in the final 15 minutes or so when the game opened up. Set-pieces our only other main concern, but all dealt with rather comfortably. One or two scary moments, but otherwise, the South London club lacked anything in the way of the usual textbook swagger that usually sees them score a goal or two against us.

The turning point should have been that Eboue incident that all made us laugh out loud with giddy joy. He got his marching orders for kicking out at Modric, who was booked for his part in the scuffle (and I use that word lightly because Modric didn’t really deserve a yellow anyway).

Arsenal are pretty much accustomed to playing with 10 men regularly so it was never going to be a given that we’d win. We lacked that extra bit of ruthlessness needed for such an occasion.

Robbie Keane was not really involved in the game as much as we'd have liked to see (not surprising considering where he was a few weeks back – he’ll need another game or so to regain full match fitness) and Pav had one of those days where everything went a mile to the side of the goal. Lennon was busy and tenacious but should have had more of a go at Clichey. If he could strike the ball with power and place it to the side of the keeper, we'd all be laughing. End product is also something that needs improving from the little man. Still our best player this season.

Dawson not far behind him with his no-nonsense defending. Bit of revelation is Daws, as not too long ago, one or two fans half expected him to be pushed out of the club (as he only ever played well with a fit King by his side and his form appeared to dip substantially in a Kingless defence). His current form has been outstanding. Jenas appears to have divided opinions. Some say he was not effective at all, others say he gave a lot of effort. Personally, I think he had an off day. Was expecting him to roar as he always fancies these matches. I say stick with him for now, and allow him and Palacios to gel in midfield, with Modric out on the left free to cut in and cause havoc. If Palacios does all the grating, we might finally see JJ smash it up, box-2-box, like he has always promised to do but never quite graps the consistency and belief.

I'm kidding myself, aren't I?

Vot va voad vof Vollocks.

Talking of Wilson. Wow. What a great home debut. Big, strong, hardly gives a free kick away. Tackles superbly well. Is all over the pitch. A player who actually values the concept of winning midfield battles. And probably serves as an inspiration to others around him to up their game and passion levels to match his performance. Proper player? Hell yes. FAO SPURS PLAYERS - This is the type of application required. Not just in Derby games, but in every single game left in this season. Suddenly I’m shrugging at the £14M price tag. Well worth it on this evidence.

So, generally, it was a good performance, with just a bit of the rub of the green missing. Arsenal failing to score against Spurs? Staggering that. Been a while since we've had the pleasure. Cudinici did well, Almunia superb in the oppossite goal.

Obviously, if you witnessed this in WengerVision then you would have seen Arsenal dominate the match, boss the midfield and create an abundance of opportunities including a dead cert goal disallowed and a player sent off when he shouldn't have been (because his first yellow was not deserved). Ah, WengerVision. What would we do without it?

Arsenal never really turned up, plain and simple. Hardly tested Cudicni (who had maybe one or two saves to make, the best from Bendtner) and were very much not Arsenalesque on the day. The 'goal' was not a goal and therefore should not be classed as a disallowed goal. The ref blew his whistle and signalled for a foul before the ball was stroked into the net. It’s irrelevant what you do after the ref has blown. Play no longer exists. Bit different if the ref blows AFTER the ball crosses the line. Yes, I know I'm being pedantic on this, but the little push and trip-over was exactly that, as soft as it looked. And Ekotto appeared to stop playing when the ref blew his whistle, though I can never quite tell with him.

All hail SpookyVision.

Humourous that he (Wenger) managed to watch that incident three times on tv and couldn’t see why it wasn't a goal but didn't bother watching replays of the Eboue incident. That’s Wenger logic for you. You wonder whether he actually believes half the crap he spouts post-match. Was Robbie Keane fouled and denied a penalty? I'm certain if that was a player in red and white going down inside the area, Wenger would have a post-match fit screaming "referee conspiracy!"

Two points dropped? Yes. You do feel that if we had Defoe up front or if Keane was a little more fresh, we would have cracked them. Instead, we're 2 points off the mire instead of 4. Arsenal are 5 points off the Top 4. Disappointment for the both of us then. But it's more likely that we will avoid relegation than they will finish 4th. Unbeaten against the Cartel (Man Utd, Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal) this season in the Prem. Shame our record against ‘lesser’ opposition remains shit. One win in nine is still not great, and the home games are the ones we need to be winning.

Laughable that certain quarters are suggesting that Wenger outfoxed Redknapp tactically. Yes, Arsenal retained decent shape when at 10 men. But they gained a point only because of our indecisive finishing. The team might have a bit more about them after this game going into the next league match.

If you don't agree with any of this, and you prefer WengerVision, feel free to pick yourself up a copy of The Standard, that bastion of unbiased journalism, for a more traditional write-up of the game. Or track down Piers Morgan who probably thinks Arsenal won the match.