To talk or not to talk, what was the question?

guest blog by Tricky

So here we are 2011, and yet 20 years ago seems like only yesterday, a day that I was working out how old I would be in the year 2000 and thinking that it was half a lifetime away. Those were the days when my naivety hadn’t quite had the sh*t kicked out of it, in order to be replaced by cynicism. Life was good, we’d been to the twin towers, beaten Forest in a cup final after a nervy extra time own goal. Even the fact that it was Gazza last cameo could not dent the joy to be had from being the FA cup holders once again.

That was 1991, and so the following year the single most important creation occurred; The English Premier League. We were promised bigger, better, faster and more powerful than you could possibly imagine football, a cascade of footballing frenzy, with successive matches each more significant than the last because each week ‘this one matters’.

Fast forward that 20 years and we find ourselves looking ever forwards in a perpetual cycle of pursuit of information, a day when news of events like 9/11 spread around the world like a virus within minutes of its happening.

And so now the 24/7 media frenzy that is set to ramp up as the season beckons has all fans clamouring for information, and the only thing happening for sure is the hit count at NewsNow is marching on as far as I can tell.

We seek out snippets and our ability to access information at the touch of a button has set an expectation, well beyond those heady days of picking up a newspaper and that was it for the day. I am fortunate to work from home a lot of the time, but the downside is that the ability to ‘refresh’ a media stream is all too easy, and the lack of updates in itself an exercise in futility. And yet I still do it, sucked in by the ability to access information, despite knowing full well that it is as likely to be a re-hash of last week’s news.

It’s almost as though I somehow crave the inevitable disappointment which has been so much of my history of supporting Spurs in some twisted perverse irony. And that in some way the recent ‘success’ at the club I adore, has found me lusting after mediocrity and ultimately at least some form of failure that doesn’t finish with ‘LOL’.

The irony being that this activity of seeking ‘news’ of any form, is in turn fuelled mostly by in the absence of information, a vacuum which is conveniently filled with ‘the big yellow tickers of conjecture’ (tm). SSN for their part provided a ‘service’ in the early days of ‘up to date’ information. Forgetting conveniently that in order to fulfil this service it required this mythical beast called ‘content’.

Clearly in a desperate scramble to fill this void (in order to boost viewing and therefore advertising revenue) they cottoned onto the idea of the ‘sound bite’, media reigned supreme once more, because a five minute interview meant a further 2 hours of programme ‘content’ with ‘analysis’.

The clubs for their part were complicit, because for them ‘brand’ was suddenly the goose that laid the golden egg, something that could be trading upon without really having to do anything, fans were no longer fans they were ‘revenue streams’. And so they in turn decided that allowing their manager to talk about the club was a way to promote the club itself, because the only thing worse than being talked about was not having a reporter stood outside your training ground, preferably with the club emblem prominent in the background.

In fact if you could squeeze a mascot in the shot somewhere to appeal to the next generation of 'revenue', partially through subconscious reinforcement of identity (and I'm sorry folks, but Chirpy is a keeper for that reason alone) and brand then that's a tick in the box for the PR folk once again.

This then escalated to a point where ex-managers/players opinions weren’t deemed up to date enough, and current manager and players were courted. With their views now even more important and worth of even greater over-analysis, and because each media stream can edit interviews, two different outlets can report completely contrasting views. Further allowing opposing sides of the same debate to linger on, polarising fans and opinions, when sometimes based purely on conjecture or ‘what might happen’.

So should our manager be allowed to provide the inevitable sound bite? After all there is good sport, and drinking games to be had, but the reality for me has become a parody. This blog, which covers a cross section of fans, exists (in part) as a result of the collective need for information.

And what about his writing for a newspaper? Well, if fans want information, what better way to get it than from the horse’s mouth?

Now I personally wouldn’t give any tabloid the satisfaction of actually buying a paper, not even for the purposes of cleaning out the cats litter tray (FYI, FT is the best for this as bigger sheets and better quality paper). 

Also, and this may seem like a crazy notion, I personally believe that a manager should manage, and shouldn’t have enough spare time to be writing the sort of guff ‘our ‘arry’ does, which is so heavily edited that it has all real content of any note taken out. And for me it is Levy’s job to dictate what work he can and can’t do, he writes the bloody employment contracts and surely £x million a year is more than enough income who describes current players wages as ‘obscene’.

Maybe then we wouldn’t have seen the last twelve months ‘charm offensive’ with opposing fans and the media in general by our erstwhile manager. Something Levy has to be partially to blame for a) not controlling his triffic manager and b) not employing a PR department that can provide information two days before every other media outlet has already announced it, released it and discussed it as opposed to two days after the event.

And then there is ‘Twitter’ a medium which has all its credibility gained by having Lord Stephen of Fry as its king, reduced to tatters by the ramblings of a man so stupid he couldn’t organise a p*ss in cup. I wonder at the way it is all evolving, and was slightly surprised to learn that Goon central's PR department thought it was a good idea to re-tweet all of the player’s posts on their official site!

Just imagine how dull and sanitised that will become, and don’t go thinking that our players would be any better (excepting of course perhaps VDV who, having never met a sane Dutchman in my life, I imagine is beyond ‘editing’).

So what becomes the point of Twitter? To engage with the fans? To make them feel ‘part of the club’ and closer to players? To fill that disconnect that we now feel when we look at these multi-millionaires? Or is it simply just another way of promoting ‘brand’?

You’d have to be one dumb (or naive) tw*t to suckle on that particular lactating mammary of a media stream, which probably explains why goon central have gone down that path.

Three wise men?

When all is said and done, we now find ourselves in a situation where ‘What is said’ now has as much weight as ‘what isn’t said’ and with a little editing what is said, in fact is completely out of context and now made to look like ‘someone somewhere might have alluded to something’. Sorting out the lies, from the edits, from the truths, from the opinions is half the battle, but then perhaps where most of the debate comes from. And I sure as hell don’t know what the answer is.

But then what is the alternative? Well, for many of us our memories may be short through years of self abuse, but a certain Mr Ramos and his performing Poyet springs to mind. And the ‘fans view’ back then ‘he doesn’t talk to the fans enough’ was quoted more often than not. Fickle? Us? Surely not...

For the record, I also crave information as much as the next person, acutely aware that I have become that ‘revenue stream’ whilst perversely also being able to bitch about it to anyone who cares to ignore me, or to tell me to GWTFP of STFU.

But what I really want, just for a few years at least whilst this frenzy continues, is a manager who didn’t have any other jobs and whose sole interest was being the next ‘Bill Nicholson’.  At least then it would give me something different to bitch about at least, when the only news available is that form the OS (which will of course still be 48 hours out of date).

Having said all that, do I really miss the ‘old days’? Well what do you think? I work from home a fair bit, with broadband and access to the largest portfolio of free porn that the world has ever seen.

But, I do wish that our manager would manage the team and that the press would deal with the media, then perhaps we could all get on with the, ‘ahem’, the, err, important things in our day.

-

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Dream the impossible dream

by guest-blogger Tricky

Let me tell you about pain, you all know pain right? You remember how it felt when you first truly hurt yourself.

You fell out of that tree / off your bike / off the climbing frame, and that split second between the event occurring and your reaction to the incident, that nano-second of a moment, when the white hot explosion sent every sensor in your body sparking, as the electrons quickened to the receptors in your brain.

That fleeting moment when all around you could cease to exist, because all that matters is not what has happened but what is about to happen. That was pain, your first most pure experience of something that would re-visit you in years to come.

And then we grow older and wiser (in some cases) and the world teaches us that pain is relative, it has different degrees and dimensions and it differs between people, because it becomes relative to our most painful experience.

I now consider myself fortunate to have, once in my life, been in so much pain that the receptors have overloaded and unconsciousness has shut me down, because anything less than what I felt that day, with the claret and the exposed bone, is a bonus. And a lot of us have been there, and to different degrees we have each had our own moment.

And then there is emotional pain, compounded by anticipation, nervousness, rejection, denial. It is in its own way the complete and absolute opposite of happiness and the antithesis of joy. And this different type of anguish, it hurts less in the short term, if truth be told, but nonetheless it exists and it is cold and unforgiving and it plays with our thoughts in a way that physical pain never can.

Twisting our thoughts back to those moments when the world once again ceased to have any bearing on the ‘here and now’, replaying those moments in our head when we have to face the world and all that it can do to us. It makes us cynical unbelievers that any good that might have happened in the past or indeed might ever happen again.

I remember well the day of 7^th May 2006, not for the game, but for the pain. I was in a bar in Ibiza, with a few fans of other ‘well supported clubs’. Watching the goon fan’s pre-match nerves falling away like some shadowy veil, whilst my dehydration/ sleep deprivation combo provided only a prelude as to what unravelled that day. I still remember it well, though I don’t want to, I can remember every single heart beat and bead of sweat that could be lived during one game, just one game, which occurred thousands of miles away from where I was on that one day.

 And even though I was not there in body, my spirit was crushed, I wished I didn’t care. But deep down I knew the reason for the pain was because I did care, and that nothing anyone would say to me would explain the injustice of it all.

And so now to today's game, which occupies my thoughts every three seconds. And part of me still will not dare yet believe that it could happen, because I remember the pain all too much and relive the hurt now more than ever before.

99% of me doesn’t want the game to happen because I don’t want to feel that pain once more, that 99%of every sinew and receptor does not want another moment to have to re-live.

And yet that 1% won’t give up, it makes my heart beat with every syllable of every battle cry, it stops my breathe with every moment of expectation, it makes me want to shout in an involuntary way, because I know that to be able to live with pain, is to be able to enjoy the pleasure of those once in a lifetime moments.

I know that we will end up where we deserve, on merit, and nothing else. But nothing can stop us dreaming, even the most cynical of us, those whom have known pain, and have sat around that metaphorical poker table, have looked it in the eye and say ‘I’ll take your pain, and raise you elation’, and we know that sometimes it’s a gamble worth taking.

The battle cry’s are all Spooky’s, but know that I will be with you all in spirit, believing that we can do this, in the knowledge and understanding that we may yet have to endure this moment all over again on Sunday, and I am with you not because I chose to, but because I have to. I can’t allow that 99% to stop me from living the possibility of pleasure.

And for those lucky enough to go to the game, know this; that we are all with you, you represent our hopes and dreams on this night, with our hearts collectively beating like warriors, faced with that moment of calm before the battle commences. That audible and visible beat ringing in our ears and thumping our chest, like the drum beat of an army marching forwards into the unknown.

And all we ask of you there on that night, is that you make us proud and ‘dream that impossible dream’.

COYS.

Living with the Enemy (and Bruce Springsteen)

by guest-blogger Tricky

The thing about North Londoners is that there are two sides to the extended ‘family’, the ‘forces of good’ and those from the ‘forces of evil’.

There are many amongst us who have families with representatives from both sides. Call it a ‘quirk of genetics’, ‘rebellion against the good’, ‘the black sheep of the family’ or just plain ‘getting it so horribly wrong’. There are those for whom ‘never red’ derives more literary connotations than anything else.

I have bona fide relatives who come from both sides of the track, and so for many years have learnt how to deal with conversing with the ‘forces of evil’. Additionally, work, and life in general, has also has led to my meeting many more ‘gooners’, some of who appear on the surface to be thoroughly decent chaps, and dare I say it, some I even get on well with and like as people outside of football.

But all that means nothing at least twice a year when the finely honed the ability to deal with them in a manner that allows, at the very least, moral higher ground rears its head. When ‘bragging rights’ and other such choice phrases start being banded about by the media hacks in a pre-emptive stylee.

The thing is, with all the arguments and counters from both sides that our aspirations would have us join them (or preferably replace them) at the top of the footballing elite in the seemingly mythical ‘top4’, the ephemeral ‘goose that laid the golden football’.

But a word of caution, perhaps we should be careful what we wish for, as we all wish to see success at our beloved WHL, but at what price?

The thing that I have learnt the most from decades of banter is that both sides see their frailties, but it is only the white side that are sufficiently open enough to acknowledge it to others. The red side are more blissful in their belligerence and denial.

And to be fair, it’s not their fault that they have believed every press statement from their club, and more specifically their manager.

And it’s not their fault that the timing of the stadium rebuild and the costs were to go silk glove in sweaty hand with the deepest recession for many decades, and so it’s understandable that the squad are not the ‘tour de force’ they used to be 5 years ago. And Ok they never really replaced Patrick Vieira, mostly due to financial constraints and this ‘grand plan’.

And so what if their stadium has hampered their ability to compete with players wages and transfer fees with the real top clubs in the last few years, and who cares if all it has done is attracted plastic fans who are no more loyal to the Brand of ‘Goon FC’ than they are to ‘Ted Baker’. And so what If the atmosphere at the library was non-existent, then the Effeminates has more ‘corporate ’ who arrive just in time for their amuse bouches and entrees rather than to join in with the singing a song of support for their boys in red (and I use the term ‘boys’ quite deliberately here’).

And let’s be honest, when it comes to what the usual noise levels are like, please don’t ask a spurs fan (after all he’ll more than likely be biased) just ask ‘The Boss’ himself, who had to introduce additional soundproofing to put a gig on at the effeminates. Clearly noise pollution hasn’t been a problem before now.

                              The Boss: What do you mean I’m too noisy for you?

But it is worth noting that not all goon fans are that trusting of the powers that be, in the main they bitch amongst themselves, with the fans sitting it one of two camps, the ‘AKB’ or (‘Arsene knows best’) and ‘the real world’.

Spotting an AKB is quite easy, usually you can approach them from the side as the blinkers will prevent them from seeing anything that isn’t presented to them.

In fact approaching them from straight ahead is also easy if they will be sporting the latest pair of 'deludavision Dennis Bergkamp 2010 edition denial sensitive sunglasses'. 

Please bear in mind that an AKB will also not see the most obvious flaw in their manager, his deliberately obtuse and condescending attitude which keeps coming back to slap him in the face. Or at least it would if any hack has the balls to point out that he is a living breathing contradiction at times.

This can be most exemplified by his persistent whinging, take the it’s not fair we have to play against a team who has had a break midweek, when other (top4) teams are all playing someone who have played a midweek game earlier this season.

Do we now see Fergie and Ancellotti moaning about how unfair the schedule is as the goons now have to play a team that will be tired from an FA Cup semi only three days before? Do we hear it yet? No? Why not? Because it’s all part of the game, and playing fixtures over the course of a season you whinging pasty faced turd.

The main issue the goon fans seem to have is this; they cannot see that their greatest strength (their manager) is in fact also their Achilles Heel.

Each manager has his limitations and the fact is that Whinger over the years has turned into his own parody, an AKB will not only not see this (ironic, huh?) but will refuse to accept it even from a non-AKB goon supporter trying to make sure that not all of his fellow fans appear to be the sort of pizza faced belligerent window licker who tragically is probably now eligible to vote. This two-facedness by their manager has been shown on many an occasion.

(It is perhaps both ironic and unfortunate that in their collective failing they have shown that Spurs fans greatest asset is their ability to see, and point out on a regular basis, the problems of successive managers, without considering the value of ‘stability’).

This of course does not mean that those Goons who sit in ‘the real world’ aren’t in denial about their teams failings, far from it. Rose-tintedness can exhibit itself at any time during any given conversation.

The “We’re not a team of divers” debate for example – one of my favourites, and perhaps even more so, given the aforementioned propensity for generally contradictory statements by their Alzheimer riddled manager. When in 2006 Whinger suggested that players who dived should be banned little did he know that only three years later when playing Celtic, a certain Mr Eduardo would perform a dive that not only was blatant but registered 5.9’s from three European judges clinching him the bronze medal position. Subsequently he would describe the banning of one of his players who blatantly dived as a ‘witch hunt’.

Still, it has been said before and probably not for the last time, 'life’s not without its sense of irony sometimes’, the potential for rhyming slang with his choice of words alone is worth noting.

And so to round up this rambling there are a few more points worth remembering, should they be raised in some banter in the next 24 hours:

• The 2005 cup final, goons undeserved victors by playing 120 minutes of anti-football
• Theo Walcott / Wingnutt / Walnutt – he is to the goons what Jenas is to our team
• Whinger = Wengker = Myopic cheese eating surrender monkey
• Theirry Henry – works on a number of levels especially when in an Irish pub
• The fact that the ‘kids’ in the ‘cup team’ is now the biggest fallacy in the EPL today. Unfortunately a myth still perpetuated by the media, who have conveniently failed to notice that it is not what it was over 5 years ago when they were winning other stuff, it has now graduated into being ‘kids blended with experience’ or some other crass title that basically means ‘1^st team with a few rested and a couple of youth team members thrown in’ or more than likely ‘a balance of 1^st team starting and second choice members’  
• 5-1 in the Carling Cup; Fabianski, Sagna, Justin Hoyte, Gallas, Traore (Eduardo 65), Hleb, Denilson (Fabregas 18), Silva, Diaby, Walcott (Adebayor 65), Bendtner. Bet you don’t recognise any of their ‘yoof’ from that day a couple of years back, see above
• Carling Cup winners 2008, more recent silverware of note: FACT. (and if they say ‘its not real cup’, ask them if they would be saying cup double had they actually won both domestic cup, or would they just call themselves FA Cup winners, or maybe that doesn’t count either in their weird world)

            When is a cup not a cup? When it’s a domestic cup (according to some that is)

You see the single thing that IS entirely their own fault, is in believing the hype (something of course that we could never be accused of, clearly). After all to have the bitterness of defeat and disappointment you have to have tasted victory.

And when not winning anything, but financial stability is the end goal of the club, as I said earlier, 'perhaps we should all be careful what we wish for', as hollows victories are exactly that.

I shall leave all 'battle cries' to spooky, safe in the knowledge that sooner or later our time, as inevitably one day it will, will come. Maybe not this year, maybe not in my lifetime, but everything goes in cycles, sooner or later.

After all, that's why we have kids. Isn't it?

What the Dicken’s? (A guide to Pompey)

by guest-blogger Tricky

Ok, so by now some of you know that I do not reside in north London, in fact my parents moved when I was a nipper to the sunny south coast. Subsequently, having moved and lived in different places along the coast, I am perhaps adequately placed to fill you in on the Pompey fans and what they have to live with which makes them, well, the way they are really.

The first thing to note is that they are faithful and local, faithful to the point of sectioning (I don’t think we need to mention any names or put any pictures up of anyone, but we all know who I mean. You know the one I mean, legend to the locals, the one with the bell, a sort of cross between a school teacher, the mad hatter and Cher) and local because there has to be a damned good reason for following a team that’s about as popular as a Geiger counter at a Sushi Bar in West London.

To be fair I find this aspect of their fan base to be properly admired, in a day and age when kids support the SKY4 across the land for the brand they hold, Pompey is at least a club of passionate and loyal fans, misguided of course, but very much a ‘local club for local people’.

 

                     You're welcome to come and visit, as long as you're one of us 

As an aside, I would also like to say at this point that every Spurs fan should have a mate who’s a Pompey fan. I have many (perhaps more than will be strictly healthy over the weekend) and there is always one who immediately springs to mind whenever asked what Pompey fans are like. This one in particular is a ‘god’ in my eyes, and when I say ‘god’ I mean ‘idiot’.

He is someone I can always look at in relation to my own messed up world and think ‘no matter how bad things are, I could have been born like him’. To be fair he's a decent honest sort of bloke, low ranking navy type, deckhand basically (although it does make me worry about how safe our country is exactly given that we’re an island, fortunately for us GB PLC is pretty much worthless before you worry too much).

Anyway, to know him is to love him, and to love him is to pity him, he is a ‘true blue’ through and through. An innocent, pure and stupid, would believe anything you said (say for example ‘your new billionaire owner is putting £200 million into the squad this year’) – now who doesn’t want a friend like that, I ask you, he’s like a loveable puppy that you can kick a few times and he’ll still come up to you with that glazed look in his eye and his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.

In footballing terms, they have also recently been one of the ‘holding bays’ for players for / from north London, in case you’re wondering how closely we’ve been linked to them in the past consider this recent list of transfers between the clubs:

Noe Pamerot, Pedro Mendes, Wayne Routledge, Sean Davies, Michael Brown, Keving Prince Boateng, Younes Kaboul (twice),  Jermain Defoe (twice), Jamie O’Hara, Niko Krancjar and Peter Crouch (and I’m chosing to ignore those from the dark side for now).

Oh, and there is of course the minor matter of our acquisition of their previously much marmited manager. Subject of derision and admiration in a manner not unequal to our own supporters.

So you see, our lives and in some cases teams are interlinked, they aren’t really a team to dislike per se, ok they can appear a little bit bitter, but you can understand that as they’ve become victims of chairmen who were chasing money based on the ‘I’ll pay you tomorrow’ principal. The fans have paid dearly for the ineptitude and poor fiscal management by those in charge. It’s almost enough to make you feel for them, but then they were happy enough in the fizzy pop league before and they will be again.

And so to add to your knowledge and perhaps a few facts about Portsmouth, the surrounding areas and the local people / customs which may help you in some of the ‘eloquent and enlightened banter’ that no doubt some of you may become engaged in over the weekend please bear in mind the following:

• Paulsgrove is one of the many delightful ‘estates’ in the surrounding area that became famous for hounding a ‘paediatrician’ out of his home (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6540497.stm).
• Leigh Park, another delightful nearby local estate, appeared in the 'top 10 chav places’ on chavtowns.co.uk in 2005, (Cosham also appears quite high up on the list)
• DO NOT inadvertently upset a Pompey fan accidentally by refering to him as a ‘saints fan’, should you do so to find that he objects, on no account suggest that both cities are pretty much interchangeable.
• Gosport is a poor man’s Pompey, only people from Gosport will deny this.
• Gunwharf Quays is a great place to visit if you want to buy all that Fred Perry and Ralph Lauren stuff that they could sell at full price in their ‘proper shops’. There is also, somewhat surprisingly a Burberry outlet there as well. Go figure.
• Technically Portsmouth is an island, meaning that it can at any point in time be cut off from access by building a large wall to the north of the island. I’m just putting it out there.
• Portsmouth people hate Southampton people due to a docker’s strike in the 1950’s, in fact the term ‘scum’ or ‘scummers’ used by Pompey fans stems from the ‘South Coast Union Men of Southampton’ who crossed picket lines. Since the 1950’s 5/6 generations (depending on which area of either city you’re in) on each side have passed and the hatred is still there, though no-one is really sure if the original reason is relevant anymore. It’s now simply written into birth certificates that each will hate the other.
• The loving term that Southampton fans have for Pompey fans is ‘skates’, (think of fishermen / sailors at sea for a long time and you’ll work it out).
• The fact that ‘Fratton Park’ backwards is ‘Krap Nott Arf’ is purely coincidental.
• Oh yeah, and literary great Charles Dickens was born in Pompey, the irony of their current plight and it’s comparative to any number of his works of literature will be lost on many, this is an avenue best avoided with a great many Pompey fans, they haven’t read, anything, ever.

So there we have it then, a quick guide to Pompey fans 'The Dickensian Bunch' a mixture of Great Expectations, Hard Times and Bleak House.

They’re quite an eclectic mix, not unlike our good selves in some regards, but perhaps more like a mongrel offshoot of the family. Not really ‘one of your own’, but one of those relatives that seem a bit feral, the sort you can throw it a few bones every now and then and they’ll survive quite happily like the doe-eyed poor misguided trusting fools that they are.

As for the game itself, I don’t expect much, a win of course, and hopefully a comfortable one (if the league game is anything to go by). But goddamn it if this isn’t just tinged with the air of 'one of those FA Cup’ games that history is riddled with.

So enjoy the game one and all, or as they sign off in Pompey:  ‘Bob’s your uncle, and your dad’.

 

                                                     Bob's your Bob

The Prose and Convictions of Mr Harry Redknapp

by guest-blogger Tricky

Prologue

There is still much debate about out manager, so much so that when looking into the ‘for and against’ arguments that rage on even today about our beloved / liked / tolerated manager I soon realised that this article might be a bit longer than anticipated.

Each one of these could start their own ’discussion’, but maybe they need to be considered as a ‘whole’ for once because everything would appear to be related – argument and counter, prosecution and defence.

And also because this is a debate that isn’t about to disappear any time soon (court case pending that is) it ended up being something akin to something more Shakespearian play, except there’s less eloquence, plot, intrigue or purpose and more football, and it’s about the same length. There’s also less men in tights and men playing women (with the exception of Sandra who will be played by Mr Darren Bent on this occasion).

So make yourself a cuppa / organise an impromptu ‘meeting’ / or simply just loaf like the rest of us for five minutes before starting this one (having another screen open and the ‘alt-tab’ function are worth remembering for those with PC’s who work in open plan offices) – don’t say I didn’t tell you!

Act 1 - Pro’s

Scene 1 ‘Is thou fit for purpose?’ – make no bones about it, since coming to White Hart Lane, he has made watching our team not only bearable but enjoyable at times, we play a decent passing game and Harry’s record since arrival isn’t too shabby in all competitions (inc replays) – P82 W44 D18 L20 with a win %age that currently puts him 3^rd on the list of spurs all time managers. Results matter not just one or two games in isolation, but over the course of seasons and so far he’s got them, undeniably so.

But most importantly he stopped the rot (for those that weren’t aware, when he joined we had played 8 league games with only 2 points accumulated – something often understated).

Scene 2 ‘The merchant of players’ - He found a solution to the DM position, as wild and extravagant as it seemed at the time buying Wilson was perhaps the most influential deal he put together. And yes it was obvious, but then again other managers have failed to resolve ‘obvious problems’ before in the past.

So is he more astute in the market place? Well for me he certainly appears to be no worse than Mr Comolli. Other than Wilson we have added Kranjcar (at an absolute steal of a price), Defoe, Crouch, Bassong, Cudiccini, the twin Kyles, Gudjohnsen (who many questioned the need for him, right up until the point where we, err, needed him), and Kaboul (see comments for Gudjohnsen). Ok so he also bought back Robbie and Chimbonda – but maybe they were simply fit for purpose at the time, we were just lucky enough to not have to rely on them too much when it mattered. Just as importantly there’s not too many ‘Rasiaks’ or ‘Rebrov’ comparisons to be had, and he’s trimmed the squad in the process allowing us to save on operating costs leading up to the stadium redevelopment.

It also removed the need for the DOF role, which in turn (IMO) removed some of the ‘player power’ that seems to have had an undertone in recent years (especially in relation to footballers and agents speaking (in)directly to levy bypassing and undermining the manager), it also meant that the manager will now have a team that he has put together.

Scene 3 ‘Thou ist a true motivator, and inspiration amongst pretenders’ – Few can argue that since he arrived a number of players have improved, Modric is well and truly back on track, Lennon looks his old self again (but with a better end product). The Hudd I’ve always been biased towards his potential, but having been given the confidence of his manager he’s taken the mantle of '1st Choice' on well. Hell even Bentley is starting to look like he has re-paid some of the £15million that a lot (including me) had written off on his seemingly inevitable transfer.

 And Super Pav has been nothing short of a revelation since ‘returning to the fold. Whether or not you like the way he has handled certain situations (see Act II below), or how much of it is down to him, the team as a whole have looked more talented and balanced than I have seen for a good few decades.

In particular the midfield of Lennon, Palacios, Huddlestone, Modric early on in the season was perhaps the most perfectly complimentary of attack, defence, pace, skill, passing and movement that I can recall since, well, actually I struggle to think of a combined four that I’ve seen that has been better in my 20-something years of following spurs.

Act II- Con’s

Scene 1 ‘Thou dost talketh too much, about so very little’ - well define ‘too much’, after all one of the criticisms of Ramos was that he didn’t talk to the press at all but sent out a forlorn looking Poyet who would have to justify the actions of his boss.

There is a general obligation by the club to send a representative to pre- and post-match interviews as there is much interest in the game and it is important to the club that these are conducted to gain interest. Harry (like or loathe) does represent a person of interest (be it for controversy or otherwise), right from the start in the manner of the appointment and the clubs respective position and even today as a manager of a club with aspirations, combined with our current lofty position there will no doubt be a lot of press coverage about both us as a club and how Harry as the manager will deal with that expectation and ambition.

Sure I cringe a lot of the time, and true the ‘2pf8g’ mantra did become a bit parody, but what would people rather – too much or not at all? As ’not at all’ probably means that the club was mid-table and our ability to influence anything of newsworthy note was of little appeal or consequence and I quite like the fact that our results have ‘consequence’ these days and for the right reason.

Scene 2 ‘Why doest thou write “tittle tattle” and such unworthy prose for the masses’ – There are two things wrong with having a column in the Sun for me; firstly his job is to manage the team, so what is he doing having a second job (even if he is more qualified to comment than most journo’s, I firmly believe that Managers should manage only whist gainfully employed) and secondly it also adds to the argument that everything he says sounds like it is a gift wrapped sound bite, because it does.

[I am for the sake of not being sidetracked ignoring that it’s also ‘the Sun’, owned by the ‘evil Murdoch empire’ aka “The Top 4’ loving, self agrandisation, ‘sign up now to Sky’ Empire”]

Scene 3 ‘It is unbecoming in your position, good sir, to critique those whom have been “shite” in public’ – Enter stage left Mrs Redknapp. So  Sandra could have scored when Bent missed a sitter, and Harry came out and said as much, it was no less and certainly no more than any of us were thinking. Well boo hoo to Bent if he can’t take some criticism, I want players who can see they were poor and work hard to rectify it, not to go spouting unrequited love for another manager / club on twitter.

And the much maligned handling of Pav? The problem with closed doors is that they are exactly that, the only people who saw Pav in training are the team and the staff for the majority of the time, and in this situation we have no Russian twitter to follow to fill us in, only interpretations and agents talking to press. So maybe it was as much to do with Pav having to know that he was going nowhere that bucked him up to make the best of what appeared to be a poor situation. Then again, maybe it was however wrong of Harry to even respond to questions about Pav’s situation at the club.

Thing is, I ‘heart’ Pav, for the player he is, and almost shed a tear when Pav ‘heart’-ed the fans after the Fulham game, but is his agent is as culpable under the circumstances in running to the press every five minute forcing Harry to comment in Jan?

So the difference between the two situations for me is the outcome, as the manager was consistent in what he said ‘train hard and play well when you get the chance’, maybe the players’ attitudes have as much to answer for as the manager at times.

Scene 4 ‘Thou hast the tactical wariness of a poached halibut, good fellow’ – It can be said that the only difference between a good decision and a bad one is often ‘time’. So if he does / doesn’t make a change that does / doesn’t influence the outcome then he is tactically astute / naive accordingly. The difference is that we as fans and the media have the benefit of adding ‘hindsight’ into the mix and therefore you (the fan) have the benefit of an argument either way, managers don’t have such a luxury, they have to make’ judgements’.

Scene 5 ‘Why didst thy forsake a fellow to the outreaches of the seaside colony, leaving us bereft of options?’– now let’s be honest here, I like O’hara, I think he still has a bright future ahead of him, but in order to achieve that he needed to play 1^st team games regularly in order to improve. Was he going to get ahead of Hudd and Wilson? Well no, you could even argue he wasn’t at the time ahead of Jenas in the pecking order, add to that we didn’t need the same squad size as we haven’t been involved in European football this season. So what do you do? Get him somewhere to get games for a season and bring him back when you need him the following season when European football is back on the table? Plus in Modric and Krancjar you have two players who have the ability to play central mid. So all in all it made sense to me to have loaned him out and it still does to be honest. 

Scene 6 ‘I demand my pounds, messers three’ – And so we have the pending court cases for Redknapp, Storrie and Mandaric, where of course there is ‘no smoke without fire’, isn’t there? It is difficult one to argue against because as much as we’d like to think that the law of our great nation is ‘innocent until proven guilty’, the fact is that the media have replaced this requirement with its own ‘opinions’ on the matter. It’s also difficult to defend because on the face of it someone must be guilty even if of incompetence between the three of them.

And even if cleared, it’s the one thing that will never go away, Harry started his management career in an era when the ‘day of the brown envelope’ probably (or perhaps ‘possibly’ for legal reasons) did exist. So regardless of the outcome of the result of the court case it will forever follow him around and consequently there are those that will (perhaps illogically considering the nature of our own Dear Mr Levy) suggest that current transfers and other aspects of his management (other than winning) are related to pure financial gain.

Scene 7 ‘My kingdom for a seat’– So Harry doesn’t stand up sometime. Is this not simply a case of reading too much ‘context’ into situations, have we started believing what we read, in the press and also indeed on blogs, as to what his reaction to anything in particular means? With analysing everything to the Nth degree there’s always a danger of bias by any one person (I’m aware of the fact that it also includes me). Not sure here on this particular facet, maybe one of his lackies (see below) is there to do that for him.

Scene 8 ‘You sir, surround yourself with nomads and vagabonds’ – ‘Jobs for the boys’? Well, err yes it would appear so, but on the evidence so far they aren’t doing too shabby a job. OK we don’t have to like them, but if they can improve the players then that’s surely all they have to do. I, like many others, would rather have Lineker working with Defoe than Ferdinand, but then again as Defoe is already on 17 goals for the season in the league maybe I shouldn’t complain too much.

Scene 9 ‘Why dist thou appear in those ‘Wii’ adverts?’ – yeah, well, I can’t defend the un-defendable really can I?

Act 3 - Epilogue (much ado about nothing)

NB. This is the bit you can ignore and go straight to comment as it is only my opinion.

A fellow spurs acquaintance of mine refers to Harry as ‘limited’ and I would not disagree. He does have his limitations and, for me, is not the long term future for THFC, as he will not be around long term (5 - 10 years) to build up a squad. We already know this because Harry’s not getting any younger and he already has his retirement home on Sandbanks with the kids and grandchildren nearby, and his Wii of course. So if he passes it over to the next ‘caretaker’ with a more balanced squad and in better shape than when he arrived then that’s fine by me and thanks for the memories.

However, it should be recognised that Harry has been and continues to be ‘fit for purpose’, coming off the back of a period whereby stability was what was required by the club. He has more than adequately provided that basis for improvement. His record in both the league and Cups stacks up well since arriving, if anything he has got a bit lucky on a few occasions as consequently has perhaps over-performed. But as one of many adages goes ‘sometimes in football you don’t have to be a good manager, just a lucky one.

The problem he will have to face now is dealing with an elevated sense of ‘expectation’ of ‘us' the fans and financiers of THFC. Our team are currently 4^th in the league and in the semi of the FA cup. Do I think we will win the cup and finish in our current position? Well this has already been well covered, and so I have to stick with my previous position, no I can see us getting to the final and losing and then finishing 5^th or 6^th, but would dearly love to be proven wrong.

So what if we do finish without any cup, but do get European football next season with a top 6 finish? Well, I for one would have taken that at the start of the season, and so the benefit of ‘time’ and ‘hindsight’ strikes again it would seem...

The Secret Diary of Dave Ephedrine Aged 37¾ (week 2)

by guest-blogger Tricky

Please note: This dary is purely fictional, still, as per last time. So no need for anyone to take offence, as this all this existed purely in my head (which probably says more about me than any of our, ahem, esteemed posters) to start with.

ps. I love you davspur, please don't ever gve up. You give us all hope that one man / woman can make a difference. This comment has no relation to the subject matter either, it is also just a coincidence, just thought I'd mention it.

Week 2

Monday

Have now got two members on facebook group, although technically one of them is a friend, as made profile for Dave the Brick myself. Apparently I need to take a week off LSD as a ‘control’ before deciding the next one to benchmark against, had heard of ‘controls’ before but thought it was to do with flying, in a plane that is. Bought Detox kit from ‘Holland & Barrett’ that place freaks me out. Found ‘caps lock’ button again, much relief, but wonder if last week’s drug had affected vision at all as apparently it had been there all along.

Tuesday

Went to Spurs lodge to see if I could speak to Harry about the EVIL blighting the game today. Managed to catch him in the car park, but think he got confused as he said ‘he wasn’t worried as he had someone in his pocket’, I too was confused by then so left. Went for run, Man followed me. Very odd, he must like running too. Wrote letter to Holland & Barrett to clarify exactly how homeopathic stuff works. Tried to explain to Mrs. Dave that water had a ‘memory’ when shaken, she didn’t believe me and I got confused.

Wednesday

Midweek game – replay, again! Took Mrs. Dave to the match, was watching closely every time the physio went on. Couldn’t quite see into his kit bag to see what was in it. [Note to self: Buy more powerful bins]. Watched replay on SKY+ when got home later, why doesn’t it have a zoom function and why do they cut away when physio goes on? Is this conspiracy bigger than I once thought? Are SKY in on it? Is there just one big cover up?

Thursday

Still only 2 members of EATS on facebook. Decided on meth amphetamine for next week after much deliberation. This experiment is starting to become expensive, might have to limit my comparison list, or at least select cheaper drugs. Spent afternoon writing letters to various governing bodies about my research so far, hopefully will elicit a better response now I have been ‘pro-active’ and have empirical data to back up my findings.

Friday

Payday – Hooray. Went straight to Dixons to get new, more powerful bins, they are the nuts so decided to call them Dave (after Dave the brick). Got letter back from FA asking me to stop sending letters to them, well that settles that then, they are definitely in on it! Man still lurking outside, maybe he works next door, which is odd as it’s a Kwik Fit and I’ve never seen him in any sort of boiler suit. Didn’t think they offered a 24hour service either, now wondering if I had misread fortune cookie from previous week.

                dave the bins

Saturday

Took Dave the Bins on first trip to WHL, they really are the nuts. No-one injured so didn’t help, was able to conclude that opposition were definitely on EVIL, as couldn’t keep up when on max zoom. Fortunately didn’t make difference as we held on for a win. Drafted another letter to Daniel Levy to highlight EVIL in game, will gamble on him not taking out an injunction as per previous correspondence. Noticed one sample bottle missing from fridge, wondering if someone has read my diary and is now trying to wreck my science, decided not to mention to Mrs. Dave.

Sunday

Got letter through post today, which is odd as the postman normally takes a day off on Sunday. It said ‘DAVE EPHADRINE, STOP CAUSING US PROBLEMS, WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, MICHEL’. Was confused by this as I don’t even know a ‘Michael’, so how does he know where I live? He did at least write in capital letters, so that was pleasing, even if he did misspell his own name. No reply from Holland & Barrett yet.

MOTD - The irrepressible beast and the unmoveable object

by guest-blogger Tricky

Football; a lot of us watch it live, some of us listen to it and some of us have to be content with the ‘highlights’. But how much of a true representation is it and how do different media streams of the Beeb get their point across. And who chooses what gets missed out?

Well starting with Radio 5 Live it's exactly that (a true representation); on the spot, full coverage, all incident and aspect considered, often to the nth degree bordering on trivia quiz.

The Beebs live internet format is a relatively new, but in essence is simply a web based version of Ceefax (if you don’t know what that is just ask your dad, if you don’t know who your dad is give Jeremy Kyle a call) with more info.

But what of the much loved MOTD? After all condensing a 90 minute game into 11mins of highlights and 3 minutes of ‘analysis’ requires a lot of editing, but for some it is an institution. But surely the Beeb are an impartial neutral, able to report with objectivity and without bias. So if anyone can they can, right?

But then again this is a programme where - for what seems like eternity - they have employed two pundits who were given carte blanche to wax lyrical about their old clubs, so you have to question their bias in the first place on that point.

      Lawro and Hansen hard at work analysing

And the integrity of the new kids on the block? Well, I only have to ask what sort of genius would employ an irrepressible beast who has a ‘face for radio’ to help analyse the game? (Do they not know that I watch the repeats on a Sunday morning and have to eat breakfast sometimes faced with the gargoyle love child of ‘Sam the Eagle’ and Andi McDowell?)

So is MOTD a true representation of the game or it is edited to buggery with intentional bias?

Well, last Sunday I managed to watch the first half of Sunderland vs. Man City, and then listened to the second whilst in the car on 5 live. Now a certain Mr, Shaun Wright-Wright Phillips had, by all accounts, a woeful game and was the cause of the head shaking by Mancini who couldn’t believe how wasteful with his possession he had been, and then the radio covered an incident.

Now this incident bought into question the competence of the referee, (The radio 5 commentator said at the time the ref “bottled” making the correct decision which would have led to the dismissal of Wright-Wright Phillips) and how one moment could affect the course of a game.

For those that didn’t hear /see it; Born of frustration WWP effectively handled the ball whilst it was in play, already on a yellow and a goal down, the ref simply restarted and looked across to the bench as though he had been expecting a substitution to occur as his ‘get out of jail free card’. Sunderland can perhaps feel a little hard done by.

And so later on when watching MOTD2 I was interested to see, err, nothing. No reference to it, nada. There was time for a little montage of woeful shooting, but an actual incident that could have altered the context of the game. Not an iota of coverage at all. Nada, just an extra minute spent on the equalizer (not the late Edward Woodward) and how Adam Johnson might now be ‘a contender for the World cup squad.

So now, if you read the online match report on Beeb or watched the highlights you would be forgiven for thinking from the comments made on MOTD by the commentator that Adam Johnson’s inclusion was just a tactical change.

Now taking a step back from the ‘one game mentality’ for one moment, we all know that any given season could be said to be nothing more than a series of interconnected ‘incidents’, out of which both the myth of ‘what goes around’ and ‘the conspiracy theories’ are born.

They help form opinion, often about opposing clubs, and with a myriad of sources available who do we tend to believe? The journalists perhaps, after all they were there? But then they’re hardly without bias (just ask the reporters at the standard).

Consequently we all know people who dislike us, not for what we are, but for how we are portrayed, our team, our manager [yet another separate barrel of fish that one] and even our fans. And you can almost forgive some of them, because six different match reports could equally be from different games.

So having watched MOTD objectively I have some new conspiracy theories, time will tell how self fulfilling they become:

-    Is it now policy between now and May on MOTD to always show potential England players in a good light?

-    There must be a Rooney montage available for all end credits?

-    Each show should include the ‘kiss of death’ commentary that Rooney needs to ‘stay fit for the WC if we are to stand a chance’?

-    No wrong decisions by referees will be shown to undermine them (or at least our representatives at the summer WC, can’t think who they might be though)?

-    Do we now ignore the negative aspect of the national teams players, in order to help build up the inevitable furore and ‘national pride’ across the country, as we all believe that our players are without fault 100% of the time?

So what of Gerrard and his investigation by FA? There are those who seem to think that in a World Cup year certain players are ‘untouchable’, but it should make no difference, surely? But will it be ‘carpet and brush’ as in previous years or is this the next ‘Terrygate’? (edit: Spooky: FA have turned a blind eye much like the ref who was staring at the incident when it happened)

And what of the neutrals? Those of us who follow the game and for whom day to day banter with opposing fans in an office or out with friends and family is often based upon these half truths.

Well, as Day of the Triffics pt2 has shown (link to his rundown of Webb-isms from Blackburn match report) the fans remember the incidents, in their own way and from their perspective, so when you next watch MOTD maybe a healthy dose of cynicism wouldn’t go amiss.

For me, I will declare my bias accordingly, I still love MOTD, but then if anyone has read my biog Lineker is my childhood hero, so I’m 100% biased on this one.

And if you're looking for a new drinking game, try the ‘triffic game’ with Harry full pre- and post- match interviews, you’ll be on the floor in 90 seconds.

An addendum to the 4th place issue........

by guest-blogger Tricky

*please not that the identities of the clubs in question have been protected to stop it becoming an automatic game-saying from opposition fans, or as they are fast becoming known 'the lowest common denominator'.

As a caveat to the question of ‘4^th or Cup’, Spooky asked a genuine question, but inadvertently in doing so has attracted some watching opposing fans.

It is an interesting question and one that naturally draws a comparative, it is emotive because of the comparison and the need to be honest about ‘what really matters in the game’. Accordingly it is subjective depending on the individual fans own views on whether or not football is about the trophies and days out to cup finals, or whether the business side and progression to recognition amongst Europe’s elite is of a greater long term consequence. Ostensibly ‘live for the here and now’, or ‘Jam tomorrow’.

But let me cast my mind back to the year 2005 and the month of May (as per Tony’s question of ‘who remembers the final’)

Well I for one remember well the FA cup in 2005. One team from the south (let's call them 'Farcenal'* for argument sake as it doesn't actually matter who it was) played 'anti-football' for 120 minutes whilst a team from the North West (let's call them Glazer United*) dominated possession, and did everything but score (Farcenal having 'parked the bus at the millennium stadium on the pitch'). Farcenal won on penalties, and it was to be their only piece of silverware for 5 years.

The manager of Farcenal then went on complain at every possible opportunity, for the next five years, when teams set themselves up to play a 'certain way' in break down his team, and yet no reporter has had the temerity to point out that 'well didn't your last piece of silverware come from exactly that scenario?'.

So yeah I remember it as it was two hours of my life wasted by negative play, and the 'wrong team' won (purely from a neutrals perspective as I have no love for either team) and football was the loser that day. The highlights were limited to a 10 minute analysis of defensive play by farcenal, and  the penalty shoot out, accordingly MOTD was only 16 minutes long that day, the shortest in recorded history for the National Game’s ‘blue ribbon event’.

Of  course since that day their fans don't like being reminded of that each time they start chanting the 'Farcenal mantras':

-          Thou shalt not tackle thyne 'farcenal players'

-          Thou shalt not defend only at the home of the effeminates

-          Thy manager knows best, for he is Le God and accordingly is never contradictory, myopic or wrong.

Since then the question has been posed to ‘Farcenal’ which would they prefer 4^th place or a cup, and each year the answer has been the same ‘Champions League is vital to the attraction and financial stability of the club’. So that’s their view, money over trophies in recent time.

As I said this is just an aside, as I remember 2005 and it added to the extensive list of reasons to ‘dislike Farcenal’.

'Farcenal' also finished 2^nd in the league that year, and was to be the last time in same five year period of finishing in top 2 in the league. Just thought I’d mention it, may come in handy during ‘discussions’ with the opposing fans later on in the season.

The Secret Diary of Dave Ephedrine aged 37 & 3/4

by guest-blogger Tricky

NOTE: The following Diary extract is entirely fictional, any resemblance to persons either living or dead, or called Dave are purely coincidence and therefore DML cannot be held liable.

Week 1

Monday

Have just got Chinese New Year calendar from local restaurant, and have decided to keep a diary for purposes of documenting my scientific study of Ephedrine and its effects. Only a small space on each day for comments, certainly not enough space for capital letters only, may have to reconsider if it gets too much for me. Strange that they give out New Year calendars in February, must be cheaper to get them made in Jan I guess, what with the sales and all.

Tuesday

Decided to form Ephedrine Awareness and Testing Society, or EATS for short. Must make people aware of EVIL that is Ephedrine. After last week’s trial run of EVIL, this week I am blind testing  LSD as a scientific means of a comparative. Updated Wikipedia entry on EVIL, so far my amendments have been ignored, must write a letter to someone about this. Note: someone has stolen ‘caps lock’ button from keyboard at work.

Wednesday

Just opened fortune cookie from chinese restaurant (it had rolled under the sofa so only just discovered) it says, ‘You are Dave Ephedrine and I am going to stalk you to the end of your days’. These things are always so ambiguous so decided to ignore it. Feeling quite buzzy all day so had a cup of horlicks to calm me down. Still better than last week’s EVIL test.

                                Dave

Thursday

Not a good day! Dave the Brick (my pet brick, no relation) had a proper mard on, put him on naughty step for the rest of the day to have a good think about whether he wants to be part of the conservatory or not. Am starting to wonder if a week on LSD is enough to constitute ‘scientific evidence’, certainly it would be better than any of those hair product adverts with that annoying bint from ‘four weddings’.

Friday

Had no response from blog forums to joining EATS, I wanted to use all capital letters to make my point, but still can’t find the caps lock key. Might start a facebook group as that seems to be the way things are done today. Took three hours to get home, although two were spent studying the tube map at underground station, it’s quite fascinating really. Still feel a little bit buzzy, wondering if Horlicks might have negative effect on test results, will google later for research purposes.

Saturday

Match day – Hooray, trip to WHL. First time I’ve ever noticed someone following me to WHL all the way from my house, remembered fortune cookie, but ignored it as the features of his face melted away after a while. Don’t remember result as decided to watch Harry and only stand up when he did (thought it might make another good scientific experiment) got cold and confused, stood up and went home at half time.

Sunday

One week of testing concludes that LSD is not as bad for you as Ephedrine, Dave the brick disagrees, but I think that’s because he’s still narked at Mrs. Dave putting him outside after tripping over him when he was on the naughty step. I have compiled the heart rate readings on hard drive and labelled and stored sample bottles in fridge for reference. Will update Wikipedia again later with results.

to be continued...

One flew out of the cuckoo clock

by guest-blogger Tricky

There is altruism that ‘those who seek power, are those that you would least like to see wield it’. It would seemingly apply, fairly universally to many people in the world, from the lowliest MP and then working up the food chain from thereon in.

As president of FIFA, Sepp Blatter wields power over a sport that is holds and captivates a populous around the globe, as such his influence on people probably puts him only one step behind President Obama (and consequently perhaps a step ahead of Mr Brown).

For his part, Michel Platini (the Brown to Blatter’s Obama status to continue the analogy) appears like a wanton lapdog, trying to help his master in any way possible to avert the need for this ‘evil’ that is technology, by suggesting that it is extra officials is the way forward.

So when it comes to goal line technology what was the reason initially for its dismissal? Well, according to Blatter it ‘took too long to reach a decision’ and was ‘not sufficiently accurate’ having been tested on only a ‘third tier’ league game. As with all megalomaniacs when dismissing something, everything they have stated to oppose an idea is ‘true’, and as such becomes ‘fact’ very quickly.

Now I’d like to raise a point here, the reasons initially given for dismissing it were ‘wrong’ and ‘incorrect’, accordingly Hawkeye innovations (manufacturers of the system that ‘worked’) made an open letter just a gentle hint to nudge the President in the right direction:

It is a fairly lengthy letter but the summary goes as follows:

Dear Mr Blatter,

You are wrong, wrong diddly wrong, wrong, and we can prove it with science. Please don’t ignore us just because we’re nerds,

love and kisses,

the nerds.

So why wasn’t it snatched upon by our beloved press, and reported ahead of other such headline newsworthy items that day as “Rooney stubs toe, but should be OK for world cup next summer” or “Tiger set to appear as Santa for local school, but will stop at three ho’s”?

       Who wants to watch the re-run of the 2005 FA Cup Final?

A cynic of course would point out that, as Hawkeye have a vested interest, they would say what they have, but these guys are nerds who deal in 3-D planes and processing power, their idea of a vested interest goes as far as trying to blag free tickets to the ‘gadget show live’.

But even still, to dismiss a proven technology that works and could assist the game in making crucial decisions, that is wanted by managers and league presidents from all over, by what? Replacing it with extra officials, who between three of them can’t make the correct decision 100% of the time in 90 minutes, and you want to add another two? Surely it is an illogical conclusion to have come to.

On the surface it appears that we have put the inmates in charge of the asylum, which all sounds entertaining and a thoroughly decent watch. Just sit back and watch the nutters make up rules in disbelief, after all it has always been that way so why change it now.

But as football is not the only place where such ridiculous conclusions exist the question needs to be asked: Does it really matter?

It is at this point I’d like to, just fleetingly mention Pedro Mendes, now for some he was a solid footballers who unfortunately was playing second fiddle to a certain Mr Carrick (who’s own story is now well documented), but he was too good to be a bench warmer and so he departed, and when Carrick followed he was possibly one of those we ‘wish we hadn’t sold’.

However given the pre-amble, I very much doubt that any of you are, by now, thinking of anything other than ‘the goal that never was’.  Well, I’m afraid we don’t have the trademark on it though, as any Birmingham fan will tell you amongst others, but it is perhaps the most often cited example of where goal line technology would have assisted.

And this perhaps is the point, history will recall that the game in question finished 0-0, time will pass and that is it.

The fans will however remember the actual physical pain for every single replay like another nail pinned to a ‘Voodoo Jol’ (tm) with the curse ‘thou shall not win against a top 4 club’ repeated over and over. Stunning us, mesmerising us, each time pleading with the linesman that ‘this time’ he might get it right. It was a point of discussion then and five years latter it still is today.

And it is not an isolated incident, as only the other day I was privy to conversation on how ‘Gareth Bale is the best left back since Cyril Knowles’. Now I have to say I have not had the privilege of ever seeing Cyril, but the point is that it is the fans that remember games, and incidents and feelings and emotions. Whereas history does not, it remembers only results, and victories, and increasingly Annual reports.

So does getting the right result matter? It may not make it fairer in some regards, i.e. Dominance in possession for 90 minutes will not automatically lead to the ‘right team’ winning, as per the 2005 FA cup. Some would say that there is so much money tied up in getting the ‘right result’ that it does matter and significantly so.

So maybe Blatter is in fact doing us a favour, by allowing us to banter, and argue and discuss the painful truths of ‘what might have been’. So well done Sepp, you weird megalomaniac chocolate eating cuckoo clock making nutter, for allowing us to talk bollocks rather than having to work all the time.

Right I’m heading off for my fishing trip now, with the rest of the loonies. Anyone care to join me?