The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley

Episode 6

At the Spurs Lodge...

Gareth: You okay David?
David: I'm busy, not now
Gareth: Busy? But all you're doing is...
David: I said I'm busy, can you not see I'm busy?
Gareth: I just wanted to say hi
David: Well you said it, can you leave me alone now please? I need to concentrate
Gareth: I was thinking, if you wanted to come round my gaff, you know, watch my dvd collection of my best Spurs performances and goals
David: I said I'm busy, I haven't got time to waste
Gareth: David...
David: What?
Gareth: Do you want to...talk about it?
David: Talk about what? I'm working my socks off here to try and claw back some credibility
Gareth: Credibility?
David: Yes, you know, the stuff you now have in abundance what with your good form and being linked with Madrid every other day
Gareth: Credibility?
David: Yes
Gareth: David...
David: What?
Gareth: How exactly is...this...going to help?
David: You're joking right? Sky Sports will be here any second now
Gareth: You don't think perhaps training harder and playing focused disciplined football on the pitch will help you more?
David: (looks beyond Gareth) They're here ! They're here ! Sky are here ! I'm saved ! This is the turning point ! I'm back baby, I'm back ! Stick your left-peg where the sun don't shine Welshie ! The Bentley is about to drive his way back to the top !


Later that day...

Jim White: This is Sky Sports News, stay tuned for exclusive footage of David Bentley naked star-jumping in a skip on top of a crashed Porsche playing keepy-uppy with his right foot on fire whilst drinking a can of Red Bull. Just another hard days training for the Spurs midfield star

Episode One

Episode Two

Episode Three

Episode Four

Episode Five

Spurs 4 Twente 1: DVD? Nah, got us a vdV

Why bother supporting any other team when the one I've got rips the heart out of my chest and then mockingly juggles it around in my face? How could anyone possibly turn down the chance to feel completely alive by virtue of being dragged kicking and screaming to near death?

It's a never-ending this, a roller-coaster ride which dips into the pits of hell and loops its way upwards through purgatory and onwards at great speed into the fluffy lilywhite coloured clouds of a blinding heaven. Which by this point you are so mentally and physically ruined you can hardly muster up the energy to enjoy the moment because you're too busy trying to push your ravaged and just about beating heart back through your rib cage, breathing life back into your shattered body.

This is Tottenham '10/11. We don't just win. We entertain. In that 'oh crap we might yet still lose this' kinda way. And in the process they make sure you lose at least ten weeks off your life expectancy, for every ninety minutes of this torturous wonderment.

Whether you were at the game last night, getting drenched, lapping up the Champions League theme music and advertising boards and the slow renditions of 'Oh when the Spurs' or sat at home wondering at what point exactly a portal opened and sucked you into a parallel bizarro dimension where Spurs play their football on the tiny pitch at Highbury - it doesn’t matter. In the space of 94 minutes or so, the Champions League lost it's Spurs virginity at White Hart Lane. And she loved it. The slut.

Back to back defeats before the game. There was plenty of concern pre-match. The injuries to the back four make it swap shop every weekend. The tinkering of formations and player selections. The lack of any full forceful desire and guile, leaving us with no platform for the possibility of momentum.

We lined-up in a more traditional 442. King back in the team with Bassong alongside him. Hutton right, BAE left. Lennon benched, meaning a middle two of Hudd and Modric with Bale on the left and van der Vaart on the right but with the license to shift into more central positions. Crouch and Pav up top. First thought when seeing the team? Balanced and logical. We're at home. We need to be on the offensive. No need for the complexities we've witnessed recently of 451 where some of our players struggle with their assigned roles. That's if they have any to start of with.

Game kicks off, and it was all a bit frustrating during the opening exchanges. Twente didn't let us settle, there was no zing to the ball, no suggestion that we could perhaps turn the pace of the game to EPL standard. When they had the ball, they created pockets of half-chances and almosts. Our play was ever so slightly off-key, summed up with Bale's wasteful pass to no one when it was easier to find vdV.

There was a tinge of the ominous about the game. It was open, end to end. But still, you wondered if this was simply the way CL football is, or that once more we would flatter to deceive and fail to make an impact. But slowly and surely we found a way in.

You saw the game. So you can fully appreciate it's wonderful mixture of ups and downs and thank f**ks. So I won't run through an incident-by-incident analysis. Instead, I'll cover off the vitals:

rvd

Give him the captains armband. Yeah, okay, so it was obvious after 10 minutes he'd get red-carded at some point what with the way he was running around with his chest pumped out, exuberantly trying to be involved with everything, every touch of the ball, kung-fu or otherwise. It was like watching Gascoigne, just without the big fake tits and tears. We haven't had a player like this for a while. Someone who leads by example, be it last night was a mixture of the good, the bad and ugly. He's got a 'I'll grab you by your throat get up and go' styling about him that practically begs his team mates to match his intensity. The fact he is technically top drawer is additional man-crush material.

I absolutely love Rafa and his relentless desire to push forwards. Should have hit his penalty lower, towards the corner and not given that twat in goal for Twente the chance to cheat-save it. But what a start to the second half. Brilliantly taken goal (or quite an easy one if you let Alan Smith explain the dynamics to you). His second yellow, much deserved as his first. Unnecessary. Gutting. Luckily, Spurs are made of sterner stuff and survived. I heart you Rafa you decadent piece of Dutch delight.

The defence

Welcome back Gomes you nutter. Wayward kicking, couple of uneasy moments, but reminded us of his class with his 'one-to-one I'll sit down to save this with my hand' save. I'm far more confident with him in the side even if he is prone to loopy moments and girlie crying.

Hutton. Superb offensively be it to the detriment of the defence, so if you're a misery guts you'll argue he's a tad undisciplined what with his marauding down the flanks and thus a liability. But it does sort of work. If he can spot the dangers of when not to run forwards or as long as Harry instructs some quick-smart cover, then I actually quite like to see him retain his place for the moment. Mainly because we still have to wake up in the EPL. And at home, he can be an asset.

Bassong. Went on one mazy run. Was like watching a slow-mo version of Zokora with better control of the ball and moving in more than one direction. Nothing like Zokora actually. But much like Zoko, amounted to nothing. Defensively ok. Same with BAE. They both just got on with it. I don’t remember BAE getting forwards much, but not complaining too much there. They can both play with more assurity, that's for certain. Talking of which...

King

Not brilliant, but doesn't have to be. He's still better than most even when running at 80% with his knee super-glued on. Ledley; a prestige player. Indispensable. Levy, if you're reading this, screw the new stadium, spend the money on a cloning machine. In fact, if anyone knows the whereabouts of Nikola Tesla's teleportation machine, get in touch. Oh wait, hold up, it burnt down. Oh well, we're screwed.

Modric

Didn't notice him? That's because there was no fireworks, just the strong whiff of Croatian sweat. Bottle it up, sell it as a cologne. 'Luka', the scent of smart. He never wasted possession, constantly and tirelessly working for the side. Not the clever crafting Luka we know and love, but the game required a more disciplined effective player who made sure the midfield tick tocked without a pause. Multi-layered is Moddle.

Huddlestone

He's a bit all over the shop at the moment. Easily could have seen a red card for his backwards flying arm. Keep those eyes from turning green, Bruce. Good shift with regards to defensive duties, what with the blocking and tackling. Perhaps no time for studs on ball, look up, Hollywood passing but you need to adapt quickly to the pace of the game and he did so. Just about. I think he's struggling with the adjusting he's having to make.

Bale

Even when he's not quite firing on all cylinders, he's still a joy to watch. Powerful, beastly Gareth, with a barnet to die for. His goal (our 4th) summed it up for me, taking advantage of slack defending, pulsating forwards, slotting it home. Like I said, not quite firing on all cylinders (crossing was meh at times). But essential to the team because he always looks like creating something. Has to remain at LW. Forever and ever and ever.

Crouch and Pav

Peter got himself into positions but seemed to hedgehog himself when the ball flew towards him. Didn't have a comfortable time out there. Did win us a pen and did assist for vdV. So if I could reach, high-five Peter. Pav, non-existent first half and yet somehow better in the second when we had ten men. His penalty taking was superb. Clinical Roman, he can take his chances when gift-wrapped, but still has the Darren Bents about him in terms of effectiveness off the ball. Does hold the ball up well on occasions. But it's obvious, we lack the upper tier quality required to really lead from the front. Holding the ball up and whatever, come one now, it's bread and butter. We need more than this.

Redknapp and the formation/tactics

Ding-dong game wasn't it? Some generous refereeing decisions with the pens. But the team worked as a unit and certain individuals took responsibility and are deserving of good post-match hug. Back to the basics of 442. It worked. Okay, so it was not quite solid in places in terms of some of our defending and we did not look overly convincing at times (we'll have to play eight at the back against Inter). And the front two didn't have a sharp cutting edge type of night (do we ever?), but there was more than enough about us to see it through. A better team probably would have taken advantage and punished us where Twente perhaps wasted opportunities. But you could argue, with Defoe up front, we could done the same to them.

The game

Ridiculous. Heart out of chest, in mouth, gagging football. Thanks to the officials, someone ought to point out to them that Christmas is still a few months away. First penalty, for me was a pen. Second was very soft but we've seen them given. Third wasn't a penalty, but hey, anything that sticks it to Mihaylov is fine by me. Game was won with the possession of the ball in the second half after Twente got back into the game and Rafa got sent off. Our reaction to it was for me, excellent. Harry bringing on Jenas (at 3-1) was a very clever move which resulted in a spell of possession football which killed 10-15 minutes and practically ended Twente's belief they could claw their way back.  

Defence worked hard. Midfield tried to make things happen. Front two, not so effective, but in the end it was more than enough.

Hopefully the team will have a touch more confidence and focus for the EPL now. Even though, the reality is, we were not by any great means wholly convincing. But the tenacity was there. It's time for us prioritise the league starting with Villa at home.

Conclusion

To dare is to do a bit of everything. van der Vaart, my man of the match.

63.02%, triffic

What with real life getting in the way, I've not quite done a match report on the Young Boys game and our safe passage through to the CL proper. So, here's some belated bits and pieces and some post-match commentary.

The performance (4-0)

Wasn't vintage Spurs by a long shot but there was no necessity for anything more than what was given. We did enough, and enough was more than enough. We all know that deep down we have a deficiency as fans to think of the worst case scenario. It's a defensive mechanism to aid in appeasing any potential disaster, but it's also something that has engulfed our match-day psyche. Plenty of people thought they might nick an away goal. I thought we might be in for a tough night. In the end, the true difference in class was more than evident. They were hardly the plastic fantastics of the first game.

We might not have been 100mph or swash-buckled our way through them in the pouring rain, but we were professional. Rode our luck (Defoe goal) and just got it done. There were pockets of tension thanks to the sheer importance of getting through, for the first time ever, which meant it was all a bit tense until the fourth goal went in.

Good solid performance. Happy days. Soz to all the trolls. You can now move onto your 'you're gonna get smashed in the group stages' one-liner.

Huddlestone

Anyone still got doubts on this one? He was superb. Is superb. We all know he can pass and now we are seeing him take control and dictate. For all his lack of mobility, his intelligent moving (off the ball) makes up for the lack of pace. And he's only a youngster. We have ourselves a giant, one that can sit in the middle of midfield and ping balls out to the wings without even having to look up, retaining possession when required (although he has to be careful with spending too much time caressing the ball). His technique is sublime and there is evidence that although his weakness with defensive duties has been a bugbear in the past, he's displaying far more composure and positional awareness. Which can only help the team when under pressure. European football will suit him just dandy.

Defoe

I love this guy. He's not perfect. The way he flirts with the offside trap does my head in, but he's a pure finisher. What he has to add to his game (which is going to be difficult considering how instinctive he is) can be illustrated by what should have been the 3rd goal. He missed the target when it was easier to lay the ball off to Crouch or Palacios. Against top drawer opposition, we might not get an abundance of chances. So cool head please Jermain.

Bale

I heart you Gareth. You, your barnet, your marauding runs down the wing. Your confidence and belief that you can beat a man. Your class technique and touch, the way you smash past the opposition. And the fact that you can have a fairly average quiet game in terms of lacking beastly front-line destruction, but still get four assists. Bale v Maicon? I'm positively drooling.

Crouch

Our current much maligned forward, because he's not prolific. Not sure why there's persistent stories linking him with moves to Stoke and Everton when Peter appears to be that awkward styled option that will cause one or two defensive problems for our CL opposition. He's going to score a few for us in Europe. Harry loves him. I can't see him leaving.

BAE

A&E. Not actually heard anyone call him this at Tottenham or anywhere else other than in the comments section of this blog and on one or two other blogs. He's meant to be reckless. A bit maverick with his positioning. And yet, all I see is continued improvement. He's got a bite about his play. We don't need to fret about this position.

Palacios

Hasn't regained his form, has games where he's on top of it and then several games where there is a distinct lack of concentration. Not sure what the answer is here. Sandro will gradually be introduced and there are whispers (as ever) of potentially signing another midfield for further depth for the games ahead. Wilson might end up being marginalised because of the competition, and his confidence continue to degrade. Harry needs to hug him harder. To me, he still looks like he's hurting, and to be honest, I don't blame him. But if he's detrimental to the side, then we've got to make the sacrifice and get him fixed up. On form, he's a revelation for us. At the moment, he's a risk.

Gomes

Nutter. I know he was probably genuinely injured the other night (pulled out of the Brazil squad), but f**king 'ell, how soft is he? I was actually pleasantly surprised he didn't start crying when Harry waved him to stay on the pitch. Looked like Harry was more annoyed than anything.

The Champions League Draw

Group A
Inter Milan, Werder Bremen, Tottenham, FC Twente.

Happy? Can't say there's an easy group at this stage. I mean come on, this is the premier competition in world club football. And what's the point in wanting to avoid certain teams? Arguably, its not a sexy group we could have got. It's not quite as glamorous as facing the White Storm or Barca and you could also argue that as a spectacle, playing Inter might be a touch overly defensive (on their part) but, who cares. This is what it's all about. We've got a chance. Can't wait to see how we get on and how Harry intends to compete against Rafa and his inherited champions of Europe.

So, can we now play the kids in the Carling Cup?

Transfer 'targets' and Redknappology

I don't think Harry is about to come out and say who we might be after or how close we are. It's all a bit messy what with him telling us we need 3 players to challenge (a few weeks back) to now saying we don't need to improve the squad. It's all part of the game, but its one of many contradictions. But what does it matter, as the stories that get printed never seem to refer back to any original statements any ways, so with every day, it's something new when in fact its something old and re-churned.

Of course we want to improve the squad. Consolidation is now imperative. Just no need for any massive massive changes. Two new arrivals is more than likely. I've got my fingers crossed for a major signing 'upfront' which will also involve the departure of Robbie Keane. Quite an obvious prediction there, but its one that sits well with me at the moment.

Harry Redknapp

The 4-0 win was Harry's 50th with Spurs, 96 matches into his THFC tenure.

P96 W50 - D21 - L25 - F163 - A103

Winning Percentage: 52% Overall Record: 63.02%

Triffic.

4 points, 2 games

Stoke 1 Spurs 2

Was it over the line? I guess it doesn't matter. Them the breaks Top 4 sides get, innit?

Nah, let's not sell-out just yet with that one.

I guess lady luck continues to hump our leg, be it frantically (is there a better way?) and I for one will just shrug and patronisingly point out how unfortunate Stoke were not to share the points today. But that's just me being diplomatic.

I'm all for clubs like Stoke, fighting tooth and nail, bullying and hassling opposition - especially opposition that in the past had a habit of crumbling and falling apart. Why should they pay respect to visitors? But we are made of sterner stuff these days, as witnessed by our sitting-back-and-taking-it-like-a-man performance in the second half. Much like last seasons visit, we did enough. And at this point in the season, before true form is found, I'll happily take three points at places like the Britannia. Shaky moments and everything.

I'm going to hazard a guess and say the 3-2 loss v Young Boy and the manner in which we went 3-0 down has hurt our mental strength some what. Panic, not quite of the catastrophic ilk, has crept back into our play. The sooner we get this play-off out of the way (and win it) the quicker Harry can settle with some consistency with his selection, and focus from the players on our immediate target: EPL points. So, I'm made up we left Stoke with all three points. King rested, Crouch the only available 'fit' forward, Kaboul in for Bassong, no Modric and the return of Jenas. 4-5-1. Crouch the lone man (Keane injured or dropped?). Depth. Even if we might be critical of the likes of JJ and Kaboul, I applaud their shift today. Can't really fault the team performance or Harry's selection.

The first half was decent enough. Azza slowly beginning to reclaim some of that lost end product. The opener, a clearance off the line, hitting Bale in the chest, and ending up in the net. 1-1, Gomes all dizzy in the box. But not too worry, 2-1, Bale again, and this time with a goal that you could watch endlessly. Giggesque, volley from the heavens. Lennon provider. Let's not be forgetting this won us the three points. Well, that and the officials reluctance to signal a Stoke equaliser in the second half.

First half though had us easily winning the possession percentages, passing the ball around with much confidence. And JJ could have made it three, unlucky not to.

So Bale sublime, all good, no complaints no massive concerns. Even though I couldn't help but think our defence was still susceptible to collapsing if pressure was applied. So I guess I did have concerns. I was wrong. But only just.

Second half, Stoke had a right go at us. I don't really want to bang on about the fact that we let them have a right go at us, because for me, defensive frailties and all, we still survived. We battled. Even Jenas got stuck in and worked hard off the ball. Tuncay asked a few questions. Gomes answered them by placing his hands over his ears and shouting 'lalalalalalalala'. Have to say though, that on closer inspection, our mad Brazilian was at times tripped and impeded (first goal anyone?). It wasn't an easy afternoon for him. But he seemed to experience a re-lapse with dealing with crosses. And if I take my blinkers off, I have to admit that Gomes was nowhere near being dominant in his area, and thus, sort of brought it on himself, falling over people and flapping.

Back to what I mentioned early, re: credit to clubs who might lack depth in quality by making it difficult for the likes of us to settle down and play. And although I have no intention of going all Wenger with the complaints, I did find Stoke tiresome, especially Shawcross, the dirty cheating bastard, kicking out petulantly at times. Gomes made a fine fine save from Tuncay, tipping over the bar. Stoke continued with their physicality, we continued to weather the storm. Harry makes a tactical switch (Walker on, Lennon off) and then its OMG time when a header is saved onto the underside of the crossbar, is then headed back in and appears to go over the line, hitting Crouch (chest? arm?) before being cleared off the line.

BLATTER?? WHERE IS THE GOAL LINE TECHNOLOGY?

It's not required. Well, not required until the same thing happens to us. Karma, that's what I'm going to go with here, what with Stoke's WWE tactics. We might have made hard work of it, but we stuck in there. We dug deep. I got it wrong pre-match, but I don't care. Swashbuckling can be left for Wednesday.

Loved Phil Thompson's remark about how the foul on Gomes in the build up to the 'goal' was not relevant because the referee did not give it, and yet talked up about how Stoke should have been awarded the goal and taken a point from the game. But the ref didn't give that either. So using Phil-logic™, is it not equally irrelevant also for the same reason?

It all sort of fixed itself up, one mistake following another, cancelling each other out. Discussions that will no doubt continue into the new week. Let's hope that's that, and we don't have any controversy in the play-off.

Being tested like this is fairly invaluable at this early stage. A reminder that new-look Spurs of 2010 is sticking around for 2011. I'm hoping now, with three points up on the board, the players can relax and look forward to the game that will truly define the next few weeks and months.

Tottenham, not quite brilliant, definitely resilient.

FAO Daniel Levy

Ignoring the textbook media reports in the build up to Saturday's game that Manchester United are going to be looking at signing Gareth Bale in the summer for £20M (LOL), I'll further ignore delving deep into commentary over this 'rumour' and the subsequent discussions arising on both Spurs and Utd forums about the young Welsh monkey-God. Other than pointing out the success of Berbatov and Carrick since their departures. Both decent players. But both undervalued (it would seem) by many United fans. Although Bale is something quite different from these two and United were interested in the lad before we signed him. I suspect others will also knock on our door and wave money in our faces.

I'll get straight to the concluding point.

Gareth Bale. New Contract. Make it happen. Now.

Daniel, please make this summer a Tottenham Foundation contribution free summer*.

*Please feel free to make a contribution if you're not in anyway associated with Manchester United, Manchester City, Liverpool etc etc

Bale Magic!

In the worlds before Bale, Premier chaos reigned.

Sky Sports sought order; but the Tottenham can fly only when its feathers are grown.

The Big Four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time and the pure essences of Cardiff, the moisture of Southampton, the powers of the Levy and the Comolli all worked upon a certain rock, known as the Left Flank. And it became magically fertile.

That first egg was named "Transfer". Jol Buddha, the Father Buddha, said, "With this transfer we make the world". Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it then came a Welsh gem.

The nature of Bale was irrepressible!

Born from an egg on a mountain top
The swaggest looking Welsh kid that ever popped
He knew every magic flick under the sun
To tease the Lane
And Shelf Side and Pax-ton
Bale magic, Bale magic (repeat 4 times)

What a pulsating tricky monkey this one is
The Gods of Fate were angered
And so they punished him
Ligament damage and no league win unexpressed
And that was the start
Of his jinx conquest
Bale magic, Bale magic (repeat 4 times)

With a little bit of Harry magic
Bale is now alright
With a little bit of wing magic
He’ll destroy the red and blue scum alright
Gallivanting from deep on the left hand side
The sexiest pob beast that ever popped
He knew every step-over trick under the sun
To tease the Lane
The Shelf Side and Pax-ton
Bale magic, Bale magic (repeat 4 times)

Original theme tune of Monkey Magic by Godiego. Re-invention idea by Dr Oyvind, re-work by Spooky.

Another derby, another win, another DVD

The month of April. Legend has it that it was birthed in the very depths of hell. A fixture list carved out into the back of a damned soul with the blood of virgins inked into the finger nails of Satan.

Arsenal.
Chelsea.
Man Utd.

Two played. Six points. We never beat the big teams. We always bottle it. Stick it up your bollix. Again.

To dare is to f*cking do and we're f*cking doing it. Did I expect it to be this convincing? Or course not. My pre-match concerns bottled into a single assumption which was thinking today would be a little like last Wednesday. Back to the walls, pressure and pressing and counter attacking the ingredients for survival. We'll run out of steam, we all said. No Wilson again? We'll be ruined in midfield. Er. Not quite.

Instead today was altogether a completely different ilk of game. One of swaggering style, sexy and slick, covered in a glossing of grit. A performance of supreme confidence and belief. Absolutely magnificent.

Chelsea have hiccuped away from home a few times this season, and perhaps the pressure got to them today. That's up for debate, no doubt something their fans can talk about. What is beyond debate is that Tottenham got to them.

I f*cking love this club for keeping me eternally entertained.

Wednesday, we beat the pretenders, dicking Arsenal and ending their season. Saturday we beat the real deal, continuing our resurgence against Chelsea by damaging theirs. Three point Lane? Bogey team no more. It's so quiet, it's so quiet, it's so quiet over there.

City lose to a 93rd minute Utd winner and 4th spot twists back into our favour.

Injury and selection issues? Lack of true depth in squad? Fallacies. Heart and desire, intent and control. Tempo made in N17. We've had it all season long, disappointed at times, but in the past two games - when it mattered the most we brought it to the table. Just hope we can do the same against the likes of Bolton and Burnley.

Bale was awesome. Just awesome. What. A. Player. Brilliant goal. Dawson immense. In front of Fabio. Modric in the middle. He  can't play there, can he? Hehe.

Terry red-carded, a delight. Couldn't happen to a nicer bloke. 2-1 was - and I'm pinching myself - not a justifiable scoreline. Should have scored more. Would have been done and dusted long before Lampard’s consolation. Roman guilty of a sitter. Bale and Defoe had efforts.  Bentley's brilliant lob sublime.

Talking of JD. Glad he's got it (penalty) out of his system.

Spurs. Title contenders? Of course not. Title influencers? Aye. Champions League front runners? This week. Yes. Makes you wonder. Had we won through into the Cup final, would the hunger and focus in the league have been this great? Whatever Harry is doing I applaud. The players also deserve the utmost credit for the way we've gone from slipping all over the Wembley pitch to flying amongst the clouds.

We were fantastic. On and off the pitch. Top class. Can't wait to listen to Hansen on MotD tonight. Spurs will always let you down, won't they Alan?

/gloat

Only one team in London. Four days. Two DVDs.

More later when I've stopped dancing on the rooftops.

To dare is to just do it

I see there have been plenty of discussion points in my absence from London town since Thursday.

Niko

Gutted he's out for the season (ankle injury thanks to that clown Michael Brown) and played on during the Cup semi-final in agony with said injury. Along with one or two other players, he's battled on through the pain barrier and really shown that we have players in the squad that do give their utmost in the name of Spurs. Huddlestone being one of the others, who I somehow forgot to mention in my NLD match report. So I'm mentioning him now.

And Ledders. Bionic Ledders.

Barry Glendenning / The Guardian

Media in shock 'WE ARE ANTI-SPURS' sensation. One or two bias reports doing the rounds and a podcast that might make you chuckle that has Glendenning suggesting one or two rather silly things. Seems that certain chants are only relevant and disgraceful and thus must be highlighted when sang by the White Hart Lane faithful and must be ignored completely and unequivocally if sang by any other set of fans. Behind closed doors apparently. Peter Andre could possibly write us a new chant that's easier on the ears?

Judas

Can the journalists and reporters who comment on the abuse Campbell gets when he plays us as 'disgraceful' please explain what makes the player so special that he should have be granted special dispensation? Why are football supporters, you know who they are, the one's who watch the game and don't play it (clue: not millionaires, eating bagels in the stands) suddenly being criticised for hurling the verbals towards a player who committed the cardinal sin in a world where most would like to dream that loyalty is a virtue that carries substance?

He lied. He left. He deserves the welcome he receives when he returns. Can't believe it's even a talking point. And yet it continues to be one.

I'm wondering. If Ledley King was white and left Spurs for Arsenal in his prime, would the Daily Mail and other tabloids even get involved? In fact, colour shouldn't be an issue, because Ashley Cole is equally abused on his return to Arsenal's cesspit and the media commentary is of a completely different nature to the one that surrounds Campbell's return or presence for anyone versus Spurs.

It's a conundrum that doesn't need to be solved. We all know it's bullshit. So I'll draw a line under it (again).

Danny Rose goal

It's still wonderfully majestic no matter how many times you watch it and regardless of the 'he should have punched the ball better' counter-arguments from some haters.

  comic by the ever-remarkable Chris Toy...click on the image for more.

Ian Poulter

Another contentious issue is the use of the term 'yid'. It's probably worthy of an article of it's own, but it's been done many times over and I'm pretty sure there was an awareness campaign that THFC did some years ago too. There are directors/fans at Spurs who don't like the term being used and although nothing can be done if 20,000 fans are chanting it - one fan can probably be removed or warned, if someone complains. We all know the history behind the adoption of it (to defuse the word being used in a derogatory fashion by opposing fans). Hence the self-referral. In some ways we have desensitised it. But it's very much a complex issue and it's one that becomes clouded when, let's say, another fan of an opposing team refers to us as 'yids'.

Is he referring to us by the name we choose to use? Or is the connotation a different ilk? It's in the delivery I guess. If a fan across the police divide screams 'You f*cking yids' at us, then there's no arguing the tone. Chelsea have thrown out a few of their fans in their home games for similar types of pleasantries.

But Poulter (he's a gooner and golfer if you didn't happen to know) is only guilty of being stupid enough to calls us 'yids' on Twitter because the media (and anyone who does take offence) will pick up on it. Anti-Semitic taunt, is what it was refereed us. Ho hum, another over-reaction to something that is undeserving of attention.

Self deprecation and acknowledgement of self deprecation anyone? No? Okay then.

Anyways, let's not lose sight of what's important here. We ruined his night. And he's a bit of a twat.

Bale

Bale. Bale. Bale. I have to mention this lad every week now. Mainly because everyone else was mentioning him every week for completely different reasons not so long ago. You know what I'm talking about. 23 games and all that. Where's his new contract?

Chelsea at the Lane

You'll have to forgive me. I'm shattered and have written all the above in one quick swoop before I go to bed and attempt to recover from a night spent in Swansea intoxicated with work colleagues and four Meerkats. Long story. So unless I manage to write something up in the morning, this will have to do for the match report:

Question. Do we have it in us to dig deep again, days after overcoming the enemy?

I reckon as long as we don't believe any unnecessary hype and simply do as we did last time out (To dare is to f*cking do, so just f*cking get on with it and do it) then we have a chance. A fighting chance. I reckon the game will be more open. Less ball watching from us - at least that will be our intention, but the physicality will no doubt be energy zapping and it's quite possible Chelsea might try to get us chasing them, hitting us on the counter. Would prefer the final 10 minutes not to be spent chewing my arm.

Hoping King plays. Suggestion is he will. Unclear on Lennon, even though some quarters are stating he's on the bench. We've got a decent record at home against them recently, so a point would be good. Three would be faint-inducing, but - and brave this one out - if we are left empty-handed it won't be the end. Mainly because of the other fixtures being played, but would prefer our destiny to be guided by our achievements rather than the failings of others. The potential failings. Shocks can disrupt proceedings, as some have recently discovered.

Wilson still banned. Corkula a no-go. Has Danny Rose recovered from his knock? Bare bones, Harry would have you know. All I ask is for the same guile and intelligence, the same heart and desire. And some of that magic and clinical punishment displayed in the NLD. And more of The Gomes Show please.

Another London derby. Another noisy day at the office. This is the life.

COYS.

Bale and the Old Lady

I'd love a job where I could turn up in the morning and make some shit up with nothing to back up my claims and still get it signed off by my manager and approved and then published. No talent required. Just the ability to write ambiguous nonsense. Better still a job where I'm tasked with writing something for the sake of aiding an agenda. Substance is over-rated, right?

Bale to Juventus. A perfect illustration.

Tiresome.

Wank story which first did the rounds a while back along with the Bale to Birmingham stories that persisted before his renaissance began. In fact, this Juv link was possibly birthed and borrowed via the Italian press who are no doubt attempting to aid The Old Lady by suggesting Bale would be available on the cheap. A case of the Italian media creating some transfer hype and our media copy and pasting it. Testing the waters the aim of the game to see just how much Spurs might be willing to tag on the young Welsh star. Such is the plight of Serie A and it's loss of grace, they whore themselves via the tabloids. Bale would probably be boss out there, but he'd need a time machine to go back to an age when their league was golden. It's hardly that now.

So well done the media once more. Let's print some crap about Spurs but continue our campaign to turn Theo Walcott into some form of England international saviour by continuously publishing photos of him in non-sports sections of newspapers to keep him safe in the hearts and minds of the public (he's got a fit girlfriend too) and highlighting his odd goal and speed (he's fast, can't pass for shit, but he's fast) even though he's been predominately shite for 3-4 years and would be nowhere near the England squad if he played for anyone else. 150+ games for club, and about 10 half decent performances lost somewhere in there. But hey, he's English and plays for Arsenal so he must be good. Talking of which...

Forza Barca, innit? Messi was ridiculous. As was Andy Gray's commentating that was beyond bias. Yes, do (that's you Sky Sports) feel free to be pro-English clubs but do try and leave the hypocrisy and contradictions at home next time (that's you Andy). If you happened to watch the game on a stream (pwoper norty) you'd have heard Gooner Richard Keyes colourful words on the game including the golden "You've been shite son with your daft pink boots". Guess who he was chatting about? Very funny to hear the waxed one doing a Fanzone, unintentionally, and unaware he could be heard by one or two non-Sky Sports subscribers. There was even a Fart-gate incident in the studio. Hilarity.

Anyways (sidetracked there) I'm content with the purchase (Bale) we made from Soton. Walcott was rumoured to have agreed a move to us before changing his mind last minute. Phew. Our Azza had his moments when he looked to be nothing more than a speed merchant. He progressed. Bale? Progressing. Think we can smile about that. Theo does do a mighty good impersonation of Henry though with the posturing and blank moody face. All we got are big ears hidden by plenty of hair and a shaved eyebrow. Not quite newsworthy that.

There was a time when there was questions raised about how badly we handled Bale's development. Injuries, shattered confidence - credit to Harry Redknapp there for managing the situation with some finesse. 2012 is when his contract ends. So Levy, sign up that boy for an extra 5 years. Make it a priority. Would make it one less player the tabloids can badger us about. And we need to be keeping Old Man Fergie away a little bit longer too.

Caption time

             King: "Hey?? Did someone just poke me in the back?"

All hail Bale and Bentley

Back due to popular demand (three people emailed me)...

/drum roll

The Fantastical Return of the 'Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley'

Gareth: Hello
David: Alright?
Gareth: How's tricks?
David: I'm playing first team football week in week out.
Gareth: I know. I'm playing too. It's lush.
David: It's amazing! I get to play on the right-wing and the gaffer rates me for it.
Gareth: You think that's good? Can you not hear the noise after I do something special on the pitch?
Gareth/David: BALE, BALE, BALE...

(both laugh)

David: What about me? I get cheered and applauded, even with the facial hair.
Gareth: Hobo chic is in.
David: It's in because of me. I made it 'in'. How did we both manage to turn things around?
Gareth: I don't know. I guess we were both patient, bided our time and got a bit lucky too?
David: It has nothing to do with luck Gareth. It was hard graft. And to think we were both lined up for moves away a few months back.
Gareth: We really got our shit together.
David: We did, our change in fortunes was because we both believed we would overcome the adversity.
Gareth: BALE, BALE, BALE...
David: Give us a hug!

Three months earlier…

Al: Ziggy says the odds are not very good.
Sam: How 'not good' are they?
Al: Oh, you know. They're way down there not good.
Sam: You're not helping Al. What am I meant to do here?
Al: Ziggy had a new data search component installed and we had to have it shipped in from Hong Kong and I think that gave a little jet-lag to its cpu processing chip...
Sam: Why do you make this stuff up all the time? Why don't you just say, 'Sam, we don't know'. Why don't you just do that for once instead of making it all up?
Al: Well, that wouldn't be any fun, would it?
Sam: A little help please.
Al: You sort of look like a half man half chimp cross-breed. Oh, hold on, Ziggy's now 91% sure that you're here to save this man from some kind of voodoo hoodoo curse.
Sam: Great.
Al: And Ziggy's also 98.9% on the money that when you're done with him, you'll be leaping into that man over there to save him from a life wasted living in skips.
Sam: What man?
Al: The one star-jumping and crying profusely.
Sam: Oh boy...

Spurs 2 Fulham 0 - We still 4th then?

Spurs 2 Fulham 0

I wasn't at the game yesterday evening. Instead, it was spent on the sofa quietly celebrating a birthday drink in the company of a very pregnant Mrs Spooky and a bottle of twenty three year old Guatemalan rum. Comfortable and snug. Much like Tottenham's display against Fulham. You got the feeling early on that as long as we broke the deadlock, we'd win. And win we did. Unlike the build up of tension in prior home games where we failed to break down the opposition, there was enough patience with our play to stop any concerns and over-stating our effort.

Huddlestone back in the starting line-up as expected, King in for Bassong and Niko (out due to illness) replaced by David Bentley. The sight of David had one of my eyebrows reaching out for the top of my head like the glory days of The Rock in the WWE. Can you smell what the Bentley is cooking? How many of you facepalmed when you clocked he was in the starting line-up? I've seen rocking horse shit more times than I've seen him run out for us this season. But credit where it's due. The lad rolled his sleeves up and worked hard. No glam, no Hollywood passing, no tricks and showboats. He just got on with it. Controlled steering, firmly on the road, not a lamp post  to be seen.

Okay, so the side wasn't swashbuckling but when we've struggled to put other lesser sides to bed, to get the all important first goal and then push on from there was vital. More so when you look behind to see that Liverpool drew a blank. We lost concentration late on, but Fulham hardly looked convincing. If anything, questions about our cutting edge remains evident. As a side note, Gudjohnson? Not totally convinced, mainly because I haven't seen him recently. Based on the player he was - hell yeah. What's his motivation? If he ends up at West Ham, we'll know the answer to that particular question. Anyways...

Highlights for me -

Huddlestone and Palacios. Both of them did plenty of running. Hudd especially looking good on his return. Once more you hope he can one day soon dominate the midfield against one of the Prem's stronger sides. Ah, its' the rum talking I know. Wilson did his job perfectly, winning tackles and easing the pressure. Both of them had free passes in the middle of the park.

King. As comfortable as I was sat on my sofa scratching my backside. For all the criticism that has been quietly whispered about him, he's still top drawer when called upon. Essential for the likes of Bassong to have him around. Be it, part-time. Corluka equally impressive. Dawson not quite at the level he was a few weeks back, confidence perhaps a little dented still with recent blemishes lingering in his mind. Banish them Michael and keep on smiling.

As for our keeper, can't help but love him. Even if he cries like a girl. Drama queen he is, but he's looking consistent and commanding.

Our Gareth is resembling a Cheshire cat rather than a gloomy ape-boy this morning. Started and finished the game - and tasted victory (in the Prem) for the first time in around 23 games. The perfect illustration of how confidence is imperative to a young footballers development. We shagged it up big time first time round, rushing him into the side (I think on his return from a knock), and having him playing alongside shambolic more experienced players that did little to aid him or the team as a whole. Desperately unlucky and almost ruined (it's the Tottenham yoof way), compounded by the fact that we insisted on starting him regardless. He's now in a far better team and his performances continue to impress because he's free to express himself far more. Another MOTM performance (shared with Moddle), made easier by the lack of defensive questions asked of him. Although I'd like to see him improve with his decision making at the back along with his positioning. In time. Let's not forget his age and let's try not to pressure the lad too much.

Modric was buzzing. Crafting, creating with his quick feet, always looking to set the tempo and make something happen. Superb assist. Still not at that devastating level he's capable of, but he's getting closer with each game. He just looks so good on the ball. Brilliant faint and shot, shame it didn't go in. Keep on repeating it...he makes us tick.

And as for the very much maligned Bentley. Minimum fuss, as mentioned already. He buckled down and worked for the team. For someone watching from the sidelines for so long, he performed admirably, much like Roman did against Leeds. Not sure what's wrong with Krancjar (not had a chance to read much yet this morning). Conspiracy theorists amongst you might be scratching your chins and wondering if Harry is sticking him in the window in time for the panic-button final days before it shuts. I'm happy he scored, even if it was via a deflection.

Crouch linked up well with the midfield. Note that hoofing the ball up to him was not the tactic taken every waking second of the game. Took his goal well too. Defoe had another quiet night. Team is winning, so no I'm not going to complain. He's in a lull, he'll came out of it soon. He's got 14 already this season. Plenty time for more. And off the field personal issues might be causing his mind to wonder a little.

Keane was on too late to make any sort of mark on the game. I did have a strange dream last night involving Robbie. He was on a ladder cleaning windows, arms flapping in all directions in that pointy shouty iconic way we grew to love. He hardly even complains nowadays. I want angry Orish footballer back.

The rum was magical as ever.

Easy going evening. We needed to win. We did more than enough to deserve it.

COYS