In the worlds before Bale, Premier chaos reigned.
Sky Sports sought order; but the Tottenham can fly only when its feathers are grown.
The Big Four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time and the pure essences of Cardiff, the moisture of Southampton, the powers of the Levy and the Comolli all worked upon a certain rock, known as the Left Flank. And it became magically fertile.
That first egg was named "Transfer". Jol Buddha, the Father Buddha, said, "With this transfer we make the world". Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it then came a Welsh gem.
The nature of Bale was irrepressible!
The swaggest looking Welsh kid that ever popped
He knew every magic flick under the sun
To tease the Lane
And Shelf Side and Pax-ton
Bale magic, Bale magic (repeat 4 times)
What a pulsating tricky monkey this one is
The Gods of Fate were angered
And so they punished him
Ligament damage and no league win unexpressed
And that was the start
Of his jinx conquest
Bale magic, Bale magic (repeat 4 times)
With a little bit of Harry magic
Bale is now alright
With a little bit of wing magic
He’ll destroy the red and blue scum alright
Gallivanting from deep on the left hand side
The sexiest pob beast that ever popped
He knew every step-over trick under the sun
To tease the Lane
The Shelf Side and Pax-ton
Bale magic, Bale magic (repeat 4 times)
Original theme tune of Monkey Magic by Godiego. Re-invention idea by Dr Oyvind, re-work by Spooky.