Chewbacca for Spurs in £23M deal?

Huddlestone collects the ball deep...oh that's a lovely cross field ball to the feet of Lennon, Hoodlesque from the big man…Lennon twists and turns out on the flank, cuts in, cuts back, plays it across to van der Vaart, van der Vaart dummy - the ball through his legs - collected by Modric who lays it first time to Bale. Bale...still Bale, past one man, past two, past three, crosses and ...Chewbacca with the run....CHEW-BAAAACAAAA !!

4-0. Beauty and best football by the home side.

Brilliant movement from Spurs, brilliant finish from Chewbacca who smashed the ball home with brutal ferocity after some quite majestic play from his Lilywhite team-mates. That's his second of the game, and this Tottenham side are positively inspired. Clinical and relentless.

And that's the whistle. Rampant display.. And it's only half-time. Park Lane are in full swing, chanting the name of their new hero...Chewie, Chewie, Chewie...Stewards are selling half-time dvd specials to the home crowd. Hedonistic scenes in N17...

I'm privileged to be commentating on this game, and although you can't see me, let me tell you, the big gold cockerel up on the East Stand is not the only thing to be standing proud and erect this Saturday afternoon.



The above is fantasy.

I mean seriously, four-nil up after 45 minutes? That and signing and starting Chewbacca might prove somewhat tricky, what with him apparently killed off in the serialised Star Wars novels. That and the fact he was birthed from the imagination of George Lucas and is thus a fictional character. Damn you, technicalities, damn you to hell.

But you just know that if we had him up front, rampaging and destroying opposition defences with his mere giant presence in both stature and personality, the rest of the team would need to find a new level of performance just to appease his big hairy feet. Because to not, would be beyond the realms of disrespect. Angry Wookie = trouble. If you thought Berbatov could sulk…

Chewie would no doubt need about a dozen storm-troopers marking him, and he'd be the one forcing them to run away in fear. In the unlikely event of us someone how signing Bellamy and covering him head to toe in super-glued grizzle bear fur, we're going to have to look at other options. And Craig is a touch short for the job in terms of height. Sorry Craig.

There's the possibility of out-sourcing. Comolli to scout the Dagobah system, perhaps? No Wookiee's to be found there, but I'm sure Damien would unveil Yoda as one for the future with the ability to elevate the team. Cue various dodgy grainy taken photos via mobile phones of Comolli, Yoda and agent sitting in a Burger King at the airport in plain sight agreeing terms.

Alas, back in the real world we have Jar Jar Binks leading from the front. So when exactly will the Tottenham strike back? Ah yes, an article full of lame Star Wars references weaker than a venomous Crouch shot.

Chewbacca signing for Spurs in a £23M deal? It aint happening. Some amongst you it wouldn't resolve our problems due to Chewie being slightly susceptible of a wandering mind and placing way too much emphasis on his heart than his mind. And much like that Bulgarian, God damn, can he be depressive. Russians are hard enough to manage, and the language barrier is going to be a nightmare. Then again, if players can just about make out what Robbie Keane bangs on about then perhaps I'm being a tad too harsh.

Having checked, Boba Fett and Darth Sidious are both unavailable and don't fancy the 50% tax with moves to England.

I've already touched on the necessity for a world class forward with an abundance of swagger in the previous blogs, and it's an echo of what we're all saying and hoping for. With van der Vaart arguably world class in terms of mental strength, technique and impact - if we had someone of similar ilk up front...and here we go again...it's ground-hog day. Close your eyes and imagine, and it will make you drool. Until January, if something does give way in terms of filling the gap, we still have to make do with what we have until the window re-opens.

So, what do we have exactly?

We know what Rafael gives us in terms of application and guile. We need him to give it to us away from home too. Luka is still on this perpetual road of mend to recapture the form we know he is capable of. Crafting and creating, starting the move from deep and playing killer balls in and around the box. When he does hit form, and he will soon, this will be huge for the team. Don't underestimate the difference between a 65% Luka and a 95% Luka. 100% Luka…and I'll be needing the smelling salts.

Bale has been granted a holiday, which is a cracking idea. Burn out, not an option - and with Manchester United away up next, we need him to be at his very best if Levy is going to rinse Fergie for £70M (Gareth's valuation goes up with each DML article that references him). Seriously though, Bale to United? You can't possibly believe the never-ending looping news articles covering this? Can you? Can you?

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Lennon is continuing his rehabilitation, but his angry eyebrows would suggest he would much prefer Charlie behind him than Alan.

Crouch sort of doesn't but does assist vdV almost in an apologetic manner of just being there in the box. Basically, if he doesn't give away a free kick for simply breathing in the box, the ball might hit him or one of the defenders climbing up his legs and fall into the path of vdV. The Everton game, a perfect example. vdV expertly smashing the ball into the net from the magnetic ball to feet sent his way with the aid of the magical aura of Peter.

Any old excuse to re-post this.

One thing is for certain. It's not ideal having Crouchie up front in a 451. I'll admit it. Even if vdV has notched up five goals thus far. It's not Crouchie getting the goals. Whether it's hoof up to the lanky forward or to feet, it's not a tactic that is allowing for swash-buckle and that missing ingredient of intensity.

For the sake of hypothetical's, stick a Drogba, a Bellamy (hate to keep referring back to this git) or Chewbacca himself - and you just know that this would produce something extra. Something tangible in the way of a target. Because these ilk of players have plenty of ammunition and facets to their personality on the field. Drogba is a complete forward. Bellamy has tenacity and relentless annoyance (ironically, not a personal option due to his brittle bones, he's always injured, or at least it seems like he's always picking up knocks). And Chewbacca, cool and calm when required, but when required he simply doesn't give a sh*t and will f*ck you up.

Find the player, no matter the system, who can do the job. And the conundrum is surely solved. It is, isn't it?

Pause for thought.

And we're back again to the start. Ground-hog day.

Like I said, until Jan...we wait and in the mean time we hope we can find a rhythm and plenty of goals. It might come in the way of Defoe and his comeback. With his trademark power shots at goal. With vdV playing just off him. JD is more Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs than C-3PO waddle, so it's going to be interesting to see how it pans out.

As a footnote to all this (off the back of the Everton game), I should give a special mention to Sandro who really does look the part. Tidy player, knows his way around the pitch, effective and once he hits his stride, he's going to be very good for us. In time. He does appear to have the composure (in his head) to be a success for us and the Prem. Might not be flair, but has substance.

As for our former defensive man of unbreakable bricks, Wilson?

Palacios is a bit like the Death Star in Return of the Jedi. It's there patiently waiting with the power to destroy, but not quite turned on. Is it operational or isn't it? Is it a trap? An attempted trap? Or just a really bad attempt at controlling the ball? And time. Its a ticking. And if we don't get a move on, it could go belly-up as quickly as you can say 'fire a laser at that unguarded thing over there to blow it up, seriously, it's that frigging easy'.

We want our Wilson back. In fact, we want our Tottenham back. More of that Star Destroyer swagger than slow-brooding AT-AT.

And finally, having dragged the Star Wars franchise through the mud kicking and screaming (hey, it's just like being George Lucas!) if Bale needs a rest in future and there's no time for a beach holiday, then I have two words for ya. Just two words. Two names in fact. A first and second name.

Niko. Kranjčar.

He's not a jedi. He's a Croat.

Thanks for your time, and may the facere be with you.

Wanted: world class striker, abundance of swagger preferable

Spurs 1 Everton 1

We can sit here and debate many things. Had this game been played on Sunday for example, would we have had that extra zing to perhaps force the ball over the line a second time? Still don't quite grasp the reasoning for the 12:45pm Saturday kick-off after Wednesday nights drama in the San Siro. And although it's easy to knee-jerk and point the finger of blame at Sky, we obviously agreed to it and I can't remember reading any Harry complaints via tabloid sound-bites in the build-up to the game. Probably got drowned out in all the Rooney hullabaloo. You might have missed it but Pompey nearly went into liquidation. Just thought I'd share. In case you didn't read about it.

As for the game being played a couple of days after Bale sealed his £20M-£50M (cross out where applicable) via his superb solo display move to Old Trafford all I can say is; oh these gentle delicate modern days where footballers need to be constantly wrapped in cotton wool. In fairness, travelling back from Milan and then preparing for the Prem is never going to be easy, but then bully us for finishing fourth. Re: Bale. He needs a bit of a rest. Make sure he's nice and fresh for his meeting with Fergie in Jan. Because you know, United are now suddenly minted after Alex and Wayne merked the Glazers.

Harry did, if I remember correctly, cite that the players looked fine in training. So no pre-match ready made excuse. All that remained was to see if it translated onto the pitch.

Guess it depends on your own personal expectancy here, what with the need to avoid a Champions League hangover. Which we've managed to do fairly well so far, give or take a result. The game itself wasn't quite hair of the dog, more of hair ball of the cat. We purred a couple of times, but the game got scratchy the deeper it crawled towards full time. And in the end we coughed up just the one point.

Two points dropped, right?

We lined up like so: Gomes, Hutton, Kaboul, Gallas, Assou-Ekotto, Lennon, Palacios, Modric, Bale, Van der Vaart, Crouch.

vdV and Modric fresh and the latter wearing the captaincy. No Huddlestone and Crouch retained his place top end. Kaboul in at the back. Wilson in the starting line-up thanks to his mum.

We can sit here and debate many things (someone once said). Sure, there was a lack of zing but arguably we had enough about us first half to suggest we could win it. But Everton defended resolutely, scored a peach of an unsaveable free-kick and were good for their point. We are dropping points (when we drop them) thanks to our lack of intensity and top drawer forward. It's not just about getting the ball to the front-man. But more about the front-man creating space and chances. It's sometimes way too much effort but little to show for it in and around the box.

The lack of intensity has been a common issue so far this season. By intensity I'm talking about the way we took City apart in the opening 45 in the first game of the season. We were on it. The fact we didn't score (be it unlucky/be it no thanks to Hart) isn't so much evidence for that lack of a top drawer forward because I think Defoe will be a blessing when he returns. But JD wasn't exactly on fire prior to his injury and since he's been out, we've had to rely on our midfield. But a top drawer forward would change the game.

Nice irony that in the past our midfield hasn't chipped in, and now we have goals coming from that area - our forward(s) are not leading the line with great vengeance and furious anger. Crouch remains much maligned. 4-5-1 also raising eyebrows, but then how else do you fit in the players we have with world-class van der Vaart? Who was fairly quiet on Saturday. But scored regardless, because that's just his thing to do at White Hart Lane. Waiting-for-him-to-turn-world-class Luka who still needs to rediscover his dinking and deep play-making touch. Palacios subbed for Sandro upsetting mum in the stands. And the ref doing his best to kill the game with a rather average (below below average) display.

We were not fluid enough in the end to break Everton down. And it's the king of understatement to state that if we had a forward who had the same irrepressible determination and class of Rafael, we'd be laughing. Laughter of Cuban cigar smoking smugness rather than the type accompanied by the tears of a clown.

Simply put (IMO - feel free to disagree):

- We still haven't got into a cohesive run of swagger
- We are however, picking up the points
- We could regret the points dropped post-Christmas if we fail to change gear soon
- With the return of Defoe (soon) and the possibility of a new (much needed) forward in Jan, this could elevate us to the next level
- Nobody, other than Chelsea (thanks to their home form), look like storming it and even they don't look Mourinhoesque, which means the rest of the chasing pack (United/Arsenal) might not break away from the second chasing pack (Us/City)

Conclusion?

We need to step it up and quickly because using the tired excuse that it's all okay because nobody is currently firing on all cylinders might find us with much regret when we stop using it with a ten point difference from the team just above us.

At some point, someone will start to fire. Let that be us.

Follow-up article scheduled for later on with more thoughts (re: player performances) from Saturday.

Spurs v Everton, three word match preview

Smash 'em up.

Spurs: 'top 4' side, top 4 decisions

Fulham 1 Spurs 2

I've had pockets of time since the final whistle on Saturday afternoon to attempt to write up a structured match report of our splendid away win (and second successive three point come from behind reward), but alas, no such luck. I'm still sick. Epically tired and somewhat detached from creativity, but still I'm managed to muster up some tweets today whilst laying across the sofa watching the continued demise of Liverpool FC and then Man City trying to do their best impersonation of the Jose version of Chelsea by spending the vast majority of their game against Blackpool boring the very essence of my soul from my fever stricken body. I still don't rate them. Yes, they are lucky, yes, they don't lose often, but something about them just screams out 'CHOKE'. I guess with Man Utd doing their very best to tread the line of ordinary, this season could see a further shake-up to the one we introduced last time round. So perhaps discounting the billionaires from Eastlands would be a tad dangerous.

Okay, so Fulham v Spurs, I'm going to free-style it. Then just hit the publish button.

Saturday and Fortress Fulham. In yer face Mark Hughes. And Lily Allen. In the context of the game, we deserved to win. Some of our defending at times was not best and against better players (Eto'o) we might be left scratching our heads. But that's out of context. Which is not a concern, not until Wednesday.

First half, opening exchanges, thought we played very well. Slowly and obviously, Fulham got themselves back into the possession game. Sandro put himself about. Bit too eager, I guess he still has to get to grips with the pace of the game and the fact that clumsy challenging won't warrant too much other than a yellow card.

Was very content with Harry's selection. Strongest side, be it with one or two minor tweaks, but this games was vital in terms of needing to win - whereas the CL game on Wed isn't. Because we get to play Inter again, at the Lane. Which will be important. I'll talk more about the CL game in a later blog.

Fulham took the lead, Kamara scoring. Bit of a mess from all concerned in terms of positioning for this one. It's easy to point and shout at Gallas who showed a lack of awareness of where the Fulham forward was (behind you!) but you could also lay scorn on Hutton who run into a central position, practically clashing with Kings space and the cross/ball going through the both of them into the path of Kamara who tapped it home.

Did Gallas think someone (in Spurs colours) was tracking the forward? No matter, organisation here was left wanting. All too easy. Needs to be worked on in training. School-boy mistake tbh.

But this is brand new Spurs, feasting on Dutch cake, of the Amsterdam variety. Relaxed and giddy, as you were. We go down the other end and equalise. From the kick-off. Brilliant skill from vdV to turn and chip onto the bar, ball falling down to Pav who had a simple tap in, but made sure he pointed out his name on the back of his shirt just in case anyone was in doubt of the clinical polished ball-pushing over the line touch off his boot.

Have to say, I'm still lol'ing at the Fulham fans (bless 'em) who didn't even had enough time to finish their rendition of 'you're not singing any more'. So the Spurs away support did the polite thing and finished the song off for them.

Other mentions. Gomes pulled off a save or two. King went off injured, Bassong replaced him. I know that with Ledders, I sort of half expected him not to play and be rested for Inter, in what many expected him to play a damage limitation role. I'm glad Harry started him, it's a shame he limped off and won't be available for the Everton game next weekend (as well as no Italian away day). But it's a statement made. We didn't take the game for granted or displayed signs of looking ahead to mid-week.

It's part and parcel of the risk we take with King. Get well soon. Once more, we re-visit the age old conundrum of the centre-back pairing and what we need to be doing in terms of looking ahead for the future. Once Dawson is back, we might place said conundrum back onto the back-burner again. Which isn't ideal, what with us still not knowing for sure if Woody is going to be 100% again.

Second half, Sandro off. Subbed, not sent off, which he might have been not out of malicious play but from untidy tackling. Azza replacing him before the kick-off. Lennon was good. Again. Off the bench appears to have given him a gentle kick up the bum in terms of desire to impress. Cracking
movement with BAE finding Pav who played the ball inside to Lennon - weak shot, but good to see all round. He seems to have direction rather than losing himself cutting into central midfield positions or running out of steam down the flanks.

More assured second half from start to finish I thought from us. Not perfect, Kamara spoiling chances which I was happy to see spurned. Wasn't so much about individuals today, but more about the unit. vdV, Bale, Modric...all relatively quiet. vdV had his moment with the first goal. Moddle is still slightly off the pace, his touch not Lukaesque just yet, but he's made it clear he knows he's struggling a little. He'll get there. Bale was definitely quiet compared to the beastly performances he usually produces. Did pulsate forward creating a vdV chance. But as a unit, the lads did enough, which was worthy of three points. So no shrugs of despondency from me.

Other bits and pieces off the top of my head. Hutton and Gomes getting in each others way, a Hutton effort on goal, Crouch on for Pav. Oh yeah, almost forgot. The goal for 2-1.

First time in history I've ever agreed with Alan Shearer (with his MotD assessment). Hansen obviously disagreeing with him and baiting Lineker. So very very bitter. Always let you down the Spurs don't you know.

If you want to start playing the game by the letter of the law - at the time of the Hudd shot, their keeper was in sight of the ball leaving the boot. Gallas, offside position, not interfering with play. Ball takes a deflection, still not interfering. Gallas tries his best to put any doubt in the refs mind about disallowing a potential goal by attempting to kick the ball, still not interfering because he didn't touch the ball.

Ball crosses the line. 1-2 Tottenham.

Lino however decides to flag, so good on Hudd for making sure the ref took note of the journey taken by the ball into the Fulham goal. Mike Dean, giving us the decision. I'm sure I would have complained about it if it was the other way round, but deep down, even though you could argue it is interfering because the player was trying to become active - he wasn't active because he didn't change anything (i.e. the ball was still on course with going in after the deflection, so Gallas could have stripped naked and slapped a haddock on his backside, it would not have made a blind bit of difference - although no doubt it might have made it onto Soccer AM's third eye).

Active, not active...ambiguous, no? The authorities would not have it any other way.

Good performance. We're 5th. 14 points. A few off the top, and obviously regretful of the points dropped against a couple of sides this season which might have had has even higher. But this season will be more open and closer than the last, so it's a case of staying in amongst it again - and aiming for bigger scalps in the way of our 'Top 4' opposition and doing something about the lack of wins away to them in 60+ games. Also feel we need to start to destroy sides at the Lane again.

Mentality should be about maximising our potential against the supposed weaker sides at home and continuing to dig deep away. Stick the pressure on the other contenders by pulling away. At the minute, everyone appears to be very evenly matched (there's four or so tiers in the Prem itself).

Momentum = confidence = belief = success.

Simply put, get through to the Jan window in a top 5 position. Then consolidate the f**k out of it.

Back to bed I go.


Keane, 3-3-1-3 and Lily Allen's legs

Afternoon.

Hands up if you're completely sick of all the images of happy joyful faces and ecstatic celebrations, dancing in the streets and the tearful singing that is constantly being played back on our television sets and printed in our newspapers? What an escape, hey?

The pesky High Court. Had to go ruin my day.

Elsewhere, and still off-topic, I'm left scratching my head how Karl Pilkington, without fail, always manages to get reception on his iphone4 - even in the middle of a desert. Oh wait, of course he gets reception, it's magic. Praise Steve Jobs. It's a working antenna abroad.

Yep. This is going to be a mess of a blog post. Enjoy.

If I'm honest, I'm really struggling at the moment to wrap my thoughts around this weekend (International Break fatigue) and the away trip to Fulham. Might have something to do with this head cold that is slowly but surely eating away at my concentration. I feel lethargic. Out of sorts. Completely lacking inspiration and focus. Hey, I'm Robbie Keane. Alas sadly, I don't even possess the energy to lift my hands up in the air and wave them around at great speed, shouting random indistinguishable Orish at anyone who dares look in my direction. Hey, I'm still Robbie Keane. Someone take me out back.

On the subject (might as well pretend this article has a point to it), for the person who called me a two-faced ungrateful fickle **** for turning my back on Keano - here's my response. I haven't turned my back. He turned his back on us. But this isn't about juvenile bitterness. Look, honestly hand on heart, he was my 'favourite' (hate that word) player at Spurs leading up and during the Berba era (that stunning one season). He was annoying at times what with his inability to convert one-on-one's where he was required to think or his unnecessary flicks and holding onto the ball for far too long types of high jinxs. But no doubting his goal-scoring record and the impact he had. He was not a world-class great player, but rather an outstanding Premier League player.

Whether his Anfield experience proved he wasn't that great actually other than being a perfect fit for Tottenham and nothing more - it's all pretty much redundant now. He lost the mojo that made him so productive for us in the past, and he came back out of desperation (paralleled by our desperation) half a player, less than half the player he was. I'm not dismissing or forgetting what he did for us prior to him joining one of his boyhood clubs. Just that it's all a bit tainted love now. It's like this Robbie Keane isn't the same person, so I don't feel guilty for not caring too much about the current version. Harsh? Perhaps. But it's nothing to do with being fickle. It's everything to do with wanting to move onto better things. Which is what Mr Keane thought we was doing by joining the Rafa revolution.

What else can I muse about?

My dad's birthday this Saturday. My kid bro is going to the Fulham game and I have to accompany the ball and chain and baby to the family mansion for food and drinks. Which is disappointing, from a selfish self-centred footballing blogging perspective as I won't be able to cover the game with minute-by-minute commentary. Which was the plan. I'll have to kick that off in mid-week when we play Inter. If I'm not lost in self-pity with man-flu, crying for soup, an extra-fluffy pillow and angels to gently, seductively sing 'Oh when the Spurs…' in my ears.

How about a half-arsed attempt at a Spurs/Fulham Preview? I can only muster up a preview of a preview, so that will have to do. 

I was thinking about Football Manager 2011 and tactics because I'm a fantasist. Spurs will be a joy to manage in the game what with Bale, Modric, vdV to name a few of our highly rated in-game players. Will probably look to sign Edin Dzeko as my forward. I'm thinking 3-3-1-3 formation (ala Marcelo Bielsa's Chile and formally and unsuccessfully at a World Cup gone by with Argentina). Attacking formation, pressing of opposition, high up pitch defensive positioning with masses of emphasis on the flanks.

So that would be a diamondesque:

(k) Gomes
(3) Corluka King Dawson (or Hutton/Kaboul King BAE) or whatever combo best suits the occasion
(3) Modric Sandro Huddlestone (on studded engine-powered roller-skate football boots)
(1) van der Vaart
(3) Bale Defoe/Dzeko Lennon

So that's three at the back, Sandro just ahead of them with Moddle and Huddlestone (neither central or left/right-centric) just behind a central vdV and then Bale and Azza in forward flank positions and Defoe or Dzeko up front. The formation would rely heavily on movement and fitness. Would no doubt decimate Fulham four or five nil if I hack the game using an editor and boost the players strength and stamina stats so they don't fade after the 70th minute mark. Wouldn't quite work in the real world, would it? A man can dream. Or perhaps with the aid of sleep deprivation, hallucinate.

Real life, the bane of my existence. 3-3-1-3 only in my head.  In football everything is complicated by the presence of the other team, so said Sartre. How right he was. Unless DAVSPURS is allowed to prep-talk post match and hand out drinks to the players. I'm pretty much certain all this ephedrine conspiracy talk is a cover-up for his demand and supply business.

And on the subject of reality, I'd be happy with an almost traditional 4-4-2 on Saturday, with perhaps vdV playing just off Crouch/Pav. For me, I just want us to play the strongest team possible (well, apart from King who will be required for damage limitation in the San Siro). Write off Inter away. Actually, let me re-phrase that. Inter away is the game where most would expect us to come away with nothing and many reckon we're going to get spanked. Prioritise the Fulham match and go to Italy and just play without pressure as expectancy should not weigh us down there, considering the odds will be stacked heavily against us. You never know, football. Funny. Old. Game.

On the subject of Fulham, I haven't mentioned Lily Allen for a long long time. What's with her long running obsession with over-sized heels that make her look like she has short stumpy legs? Or does she have short stumpy legs and the shoes make her look even more stumpy? It's like someone with a massive head wearing a massive top hat in an ill-fated attempt to deflect attention away from the massive head, but people still point and say, 'oh look, it's that bloke with a massive head and he's wearing a massive top hat, what a w*nker'.

Glastonbury Allen was far more appealing than the I'm in a Professor Green video singing just the chorus surrounded by tall fit beautiful women whilst I chav around wearing a giants patent shoes Allen. Glastonbury Allen was very Natasha Khan-ish. Which is ace in my book of stalk.

Okay, I know, she's (Allen) preggers at the moment, but I'm all about the pre-bump photos. So here's a thought Lily, stop ordering your foot-wear on-line and actually get to try them on in a shop before you throw your money away. A weapon of massive consumption indeed.

Let's end this. Bones now aching. Head beginning to spin. Gut churning. Need drugs of a legal nature to help breathe some life into my pale black bags under my eyes face.

Thoughts and prayers etc. Hold off the minutes silence.

Back from deaths door soon.

Tottenham Hotvaart

Spurs 2 Villa 1

At this rate I'm going to soon run out of superlatives for Rafael van der Vaart. Perhaps someone can spike his pre-match drink with horse tranquilliser so he can spend at least one weekend sitting by the corner flag with the only dribbling coming out of his mouth, rather than covering every blade of grass in that look at me I'm so frigging great way we're becoming accustomed too. Would give me a welcomed break from having to draft up love letter after love letter, the attention seeking show-off. If he isn't hogging the headlines he's hugging the grannies.

This never-ending tenacity he possesses to constantly impress and make things happen. Love sigh. He's got that special mix of technical ability, vision, urgency and the belief and desire to make the difference.

There are plenty of footballers who give it the one hundred per cent, week in week out. But if you take someone with genuine (world) class and that someone goes above and beyond what many would expect as the passable norm, well, it's enough to make you go all weak at the knees. It would be easy for him to play like a luxury player because that's what Tottenham are use to seeing or at least have been in the past. You have to admire the impact he wishes to bestow us in every game.

I don't really care at this precise moment in time about why he cost so little and whether Levy has one eye on future profit or possibly the gift of first refusal for Madrid on one of our players. I don't really care about the potentiality of failing to reclaim fourth and the expected but uninvited guest who would sniff around White Hart Lane with that unmistakable fat red nose. I don't care if he's doing a Berbatov. I don't care if the player himself simply took the chance because it was better than spending his time sitting on a bench in Madrid. If you are of this pessimistic ilk, what brilliant irony would it be if vdV dragged us into a fourth place finish? The fact is, the future hasn't happened yet, we're laying its foundations in the present.

He's ours. He plays in Lilywhite. And he makes that difference. Spurs now have their very own Gerrard/Lampard/Fabregas/do Utd have one at the minute? Rooney I guess. We have ourselves a game-changer. We have a catalyst.

The hacks might want us to believe he's a ticking time-bomb, what with their tiny brains struggling to comprehend why he's even playing for us (Sunday Supplement on Sky Sports strikes again) because it's just not right there has to be something amiss for him to be playing in our colours. Because if he's that good, he shouldn't be. Because what right do we have? Yeah, well, whatever. He's a time-bomb, the type that will blow up in their patronising miserable faces.

It should take another 3-6 games, but this team will have to start gearing up towards that higher level, that better standard that we need to be playing at if we're going to start to pull away which is what we need to do. I think the word 'hope' / 'hopefully' needs to be added to the above.

He sets the precedence for what a proper performance should be. It's the type of all action, plenty of plot that will have some questioning this paradox. And as Harry has stated, he needs to work out how best to work the mechanics of the side with vdV in it. On the right. On the right but free to roam into the middle. In the middle. Just behind the the front man. It's a headache, but not the type you can complain about.

However, the reality is, we are still not bossing games, we are still making it tricky for ourselves. Still having to dig deep and pull the win out of the grasp of two points lost or worse. But gaffer and team are doing what needs to be done to try and come through this patch with damage limitation mode switched on, what with our injuries and that tactical evolution that's keeping everyone on their toes.

In terms of CB's, its unnerving. Hudd having to deputise at the back against Villa. He didn't do too badly considering the risk of playing him there. Uncomfortable but got better as the game progressed. It's not exactly an upheaval of Biblical proportions, but we're adapting and learning from week to week in terms of what is best for us to attempt to gain some of that stability in play and momentum. It does have to settle soon. And in addition Harry is having to also manage the various sub-plots including the form of Lennon and Palacios.

We've also go Hutton, re-born. Still needs to be tweaked defensively and offensively in terms of positioning and when to go marauding. And if vdV is going to continue to drift away from the right, we need to help out Alan on that flank.

Bale can never be imprisoned at left-back again. He put in a hard working shift. Didn't take centre-stage for once. What with Villa sticking 15 players on him at any given time.

Jenas, well, he still splits opinion, but if someone was to ask you what he does exactly, you'd be harsh to ignore that he's doing just fine, fulfilling the role in midfield that has allowed for a more (potentially) dynamic middle four/five. There were glitches against the Villa (not so much his fault, but what with no Hudd in midfield there was no clean-up sweep up for when JJ went forwards and the play broke down) and people are bound to latch onto the obvious frailties but compared to Wilson, he's proving far less of a risk to start with. It's not perfect. But the boy is getting forward with a sense of directional awareness and industry that has me not gleeful (let's not go overboard) but definitely pleased.

Modric struggled with his possession on Saturday, which is a rarity. He's on the same wave length as Rafa, but he's not Luka at full pelt at the moment. An off day. So the midfield was not the most balanced (hence the potentially dynamic middle four/five comment), but we got going in the second half far more efficiently than the first thanks to Harry changing it.

So, what of the game?

It was yet another dramatic end to end entertainment piece, presented at the Lane, in full Tecnicolor. Because we don't do boring black and white.

Not a great first half of football, although it ended well with vdV getting the first of his brace, heading the ball in thanks to Crouch nodding it across the goal. Heskey mugging Bassong to set up Villa's goal, bundles in by Albrighton who didn't look decent. All a bit too easy.

We were not coping with the battle against Villa's midfielders which saw the second half switch of Azza on for Pav to give us that extra man centrally and vdV pushing up behind Crouch (even though that's where he drifted to from the right hand side during the first half). Lennon, improved performance off the bench. Probably would have scored had he not been hacked down. Well done Harry for the quick and much needed shift of formation.

So, in that second forty-five we played far better, more controlled football. Villa, still wasteful at times, and far less effective with Heskey off (on the 35 minute mark) which meant more emphasis and concentration on attack than defence for us.

Crouch and his knock-downs worked a treat. Might not always score, but he gets the assists. Pav played a part in the first goal but otherwise, just doesn't do enough for me (white Darren Bent). Appeared to play with a touch more conviction that usual, but that's not saying much. Sacrificed, so it's unfair to be too critical as he attacked the penalty area and run the flanks prior to going off at HT. So on another day, he probably would have been in the right place at the right time at some point.

vdV's second was representative of that extra oomph we now have. His movement into the box, into that position, not once did he not look like someone who wasn't going to score. He practically willed the ball to his feet, the deft touch and dummy and blistering finish processed at lighting speed in his brain but executed in a split second for all to see. It was an Ali shuffle, knock-out punch. Have some of that.

We battled. We came from behind. We had six defenders unavailable. Two players in the side that at the start of the season were on everyone's list to be sold, given away, stuck in a cardboard box and thrown in the river. But the siege mentality of vdV was nothing short of absolute inspiration. We got lucky at times, but I guess it's not really luck. We have van der Vaart. Villa had Carew. You can only ever be as good as the players you've got.

The rest of our players need to match Rafa. Because at some point that higher level needs to be attained. On days like this you can be thankful for that much maligned squad depth. We're going to need everyone in the up and coming weeks to be completely focused. Daunting fixture list, will only be so if we lack faith.

As for the love letters. I guess I don't really mind writing them. Could be a lot worse, I could have been blowing kisses to Joe Cole or Scott Parker.

Shudder.

Best cure for a hangover

by WookieD, glory-glory.co.uk

Unleash the beast. COYS.

Loving, hating Harry Redknapp

Redknapp. He's like Marmite spread across your toast. Half of you would really like it and the other half would not be so keen and would much prefer jam as an alternative (not certain what jam is meant to be representative of at this time).

Happy with Harry? Staggered that I'm asking this question six games into the EPL. I'm going to humour all the discussion currently musing around on the various blogs and forums.

Obviously many of you are not or have never been (happy with Harry). Some of you are more supportive than others. Both sides have strong opinions. It's massively subjective for a number of reasons. It's the perception of the fans that adds (removes) credence to Redknapp's tenure. Half full, half empty ethics.

Quick history lesson then.

Harry came in and did a job. One that involved the resuscitation of the club as it slumped half-dead in the deepest darkest hole at the foot of the Prem. Mouth to mouth from the boat race of Harry, not a pretty sight. But it fixed the problems that needed fixing. He hugged a few players, got confidence on the up. There was no twitching, just a wide smile, a cheeky wink and a thumbs up. And we pulled ourselves to the upper regions. Miracle worker? Or making the most of a win-win situation? Levy master-stroke regardless. Because it was a risk that worked. Is that risk now punching above it's weight?

Here's the first subjective piece of the debate.

Harry got the players playing to an acceptable standard and on occasions out of their skin. That's it. He hasn't worked a miracle. He took over the botched up job Ramos left behind and got them to work for themselves and each other. A unit. To some, this is simply the result of decent management and not the by-product of the messiah. He didn't get us onto a new level. He got us back up to the level we were meant to be at and instilled some self-respect. Across the divide, it was more than just a rescue mission. He was seen to fulfil a duty that so many others couldn’t quite get their heads around. Not only did he fix confidence and resurrect the team, he took us further (CL) when many had argued he was not cut out for either job. Especially the latter one, with aiming and taking fourth.

Onwards onto the second subjective piece of the debate. What level are we meant to be at then? I ask this because some people see claiming fourth again as the be all and end all whilst others want even more and plenty understand and appreciate we might find ourselves just outside the CL places but as long as we challenge until the death, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

We have been inconsistent for years. Mediocre (see the 1990's). Previous modern day managers have all failed to match expectations. The Jol period was (is) the foundation we have managed to build on, be it that some of the structure collapsed when we hired a Spanish cowboy to finish the job. But there was no genuine push or challenge after 2006 that would suggest we had genuinely turned the corner. Flirted with the dream, with the ideals. Nothing more. Think of the pre-Jol era. Depressing. Jol got us back into the game, but then many cited at the time he had limitations. Wasn't good enough for the big occasion. Had to be replaced. Déjà vu, eh?

Harry is the first manager for a long time to truly get results for us. Statistically, his win ratio is unequalled (yes it's only been 2 years). We've looked the part on the field in terms of style and application (eventually) during the recovery of 2009 and the epic journey of 2010. 4th and CL football. The impossible dream achieved. Of course, the landscape of the domestic league is a very different place to what it was back in 2006. It's far more open now. Not to say that a manager should be marked down on points just because Liverpool are crap.

However, just because we finished 4th doesn't mean we should be resting on our laurels. And the argument is that in more capable hands, this team would be doing far better than it is at the moment.

Harry rebuilt a lot of the damaged parts. He gave Levy that quick fix of stability. But how long do you give someone to see if they can continue to build on the newly laid foundations? Is there a lack of patience because of the need to see instant and continuous results? Or should we attempt to remember how long it's taken for us to get here?

The divide is with the people that embrace time and those that want to travel through it at pace.

The third subjective piece would be the one that splits me at times. And actually forms part of the previous one.

I appreciate the challenge at hand. If we're going to progress we need to be ruthless. On the pitch and off it. Levy has a strategy, be it one that concerns redevelopment off the pitch. What he wants on it is consistency. What we need is something more than that. There is no point plodding along. But he's astute. He's already made statements about not over-extending ourselves.

And we all know that the Prem is looking like it might well birth a time-share on 4th spot between 2/3 clubs. Still, you would hope deep down the ambition is to destroy the other contenders and claim it for ourselves. Why just aim at the target when you can see it's bulls eye? But that's me the fan, wanting and needing, always that little bit more. He (Levy) knows that patience is a virtue and prefers to make sure it's a steady rise to the top. No cutting corners. No massive unnecessary risks. Although the risk here could be the lack of risks.

So how does this split me exactly and divide the rest of you?

Harry has his limitations. I questioned him, at times, last season in terms of tactical prowess but still he mastered some superb victories - high pressured victories - at the death of the season. He's not daft. And he has proved people wrong, time and time again. But is he good enough for the Champions League? Good enough to push the team and pioneer its evolution? Can he adapt at this stage in his career? Learn from mistakes? Change his ways if it means improving the team? Is he out of his depth? Is it even fair to be posing these questions when the true test of his skill has yet to begin?

Harry works best when Harry has to fix things. Although, this current problem (if that's what our current form is) is one made from the hands of Harry and not inherited. There's no hiding place or quickie catchphrase available to divert and deflect. Some believe we just got lucky last season. If that's luck, bottle it the f**k up.

So on the one hand, you have us stable and looking in the right direction, but on the other, if he's not going to be here long term then what else is he capable of bringing to the table? Some of us, they want that sacrifice. Club before loyalty to a servant.

The subjective piece here is whether we go ahead and sacrifice the present, to guarantee the future. It's a bit wishy-washy mainly because you can do something about the present in terms of changing things, but you can't predict what's ahead and how it will effect the progress of the past two seasons. This, ties back into what level we believe ourselves to sit at and also if Levy is willing to take another risk. The last risk was forced upon him. Some of you would rather see it being premeditated this time round rather than reactive because there's no other choice.

I know one thing for certain. Stability. It's imperative.

My gripe with everything I've covered is the complete lack of consistency with how we think it's all meant to work. There is plenty of drastic cut-throat fan opinion at the moment. And quite a bit of see no evil hear no evil going on too. So where do you stand on this?

We have stagnated if you review our low-key performances and lack of oomph six games in, if you take it from the second half of the City game to the present day. But it's not quite an implosion or an epic failure. We've had the good with the bad and been average overall. It's disappointing in terms of the standard of our football in comparison to what we know this team has achieved on the pitch. Disappointing we've dropped points to team we 'should' be beating. We are missing the vital traits of intensity and spirit. Disappointing we look over-stretched defensively. Missing Defoe too. And that pride thing that set us on our way back in the post-two points from eight games days. That has gone AWOL.

Panic will no doubt rear it's head if we fail to get out of this lazy slump in the next month. We might find ourselves struggling with confidence in a far more evident detrimental way. But next month hasn't happened yet. And as much as I would want us to be outstanding from the off, this is a first time experience for our squad and for Harry in terms of EPL and CL. There is some vital, urgent re-tuning to be had. He's a manager. It's his job to fix it up. We need to look the part in the league.

Harry now has to adapt tactically and motivationally to the challenges ahead and within this, the divide between both sets of opposing views might well close up a little. But in terms of support (personally) I'm nowhere near the state of mind that would have me calling for his head on a plate. I'll admit I'm wrong if it all goes full on pear shaped, but then last season I can remember plenty of near suicidal fans screaming message board abuse at how Harry was mucking up our season. There are some that are incapable of handling the pressures from one game to the next.

Perhaps a learning curve is not an acceptable reasoning tool. But considering we have not been here before, I'm not sure we have a choice other than to support the team and just wait and see. That isn't exactly a mind-blowing assessment of matters. But what else? What would the alternative be?

Do we have impossible expectations with no room for compassion and the memory of a goldfish in terms of the past? Or is it that compassion is no longer welcomed in this particular high-end arena we wish to stay in? Or is it far more simplistic than that. We're not world beaters but it's obvious we can be playing far better and it's obvious how. If it's the latter, can we perhaps wait until the 15th game before we start burning effigies.

The lack of a world class striker is the biggest negative for both manager and fans. The injuries, not the best in terms of preparation from one game to the next. We've lost key players. But it's football. You don't always buy the players you want and you don't always have all players available for selection.

I guess it goes back to the subjective matter of what you want from the team at this specific moment. Do you think we are under-achieving, this early in the season, and that it's not acceptable and that all the evidence points to it being a problem that can not be sorted long term? A fatal tumour that can not be operated on because our surgeon doesn't have the necessary tools and experience? Or do we simply need another mouth-to-mouth to save the day?

Overly dramatic, yes. Well all this just about sums up how fragmented and fickle we are as a collective.

As for myself. I can see what isn't working and expect to see improvements. I know I'm adding fuel to the fire by opening a platform for discussion. But it's the type of discussion that's unequivocally made in Tottenham. And let's not pretend it's not going on. It's a slice of the now. And we can refer back to this at the end of December and laugh (cry) about it.

So go ahead and burn the place down...

Small team beats big team

That was over at the Emirates. At Upton Park, a very average side without a win in the EPL beat a supposedly good side on paper that were in fact abjectly shit for the best part of 90 minutes, apart from a few long shot efforts from midfield.

No desire. No functionality with the line-up. No enforcement of a defensive nature. It was wrong. Unbalanced and without that vital ingredient of sustained effort. Momentum? What momentum? It's all slip slip slipping way at the moment.

Yet you'd still think we'd have enough about us to win it regardless of the rested/injured players and slight tinkering, considering the side West Ham lined-up with. No excuses, right? Alas, no. Not this seasons Spurs. Full of excuses. Seems that playing players in their not so best positions is suddenly a recipe for mediocrity. But that is almost an after thought for the lack of certified positive attitude.

Two issues. Firstly, there is no apparent plan or reaction to the tempo set by the opposition. No willingness to say, spend the next ten minutes nullifying the threat being posed or taking the sting out of the ball. Getting our hands dirty, playing ugly. In fact, if you take a further step back you could perhaps ask why we did not swagger into East London and just take the game to them. Believing we would win, wanting to win, and applying pressure until their fragile little legs snapped. This was the side rock-bottom before 3pm. But no. It was the complete opposite out on the pitch.

Well done to West Ham. They showed desire. They just pushed forward and that was enough, whilst we responded with cameo-shots. We kept Green on his toes, but Carlo was equally at hand to save us from conceding a second. A number of times. The first and only goal, a header, laughable defending. And that was job done for the home side.

So, what's the crux?

Can we seriously not perform if we shuffle players around? I'm beginning to get tired of this excuse. We have last season to compare our players to, and they are falling short at the moment. This is starting to reek of mental strength; lack of. Our old friend.

My thoughts:

Cudicini - Kept us in it. Although there was no point (or points) at the end, what with yet another no-show for our offensive tally of goals.

Huddlestone and Jenas -  Did not work. I remember there was a time when this partnership clicked. Today, it was pish. Hudd was anonymous. Jenas tried, for all his heart can give, but was easily beaten in the centre by Parker and co. Lose it there and you'll be second best all afternoon. Sandro and Palacios, using the magic of hindsight would have been better options for one or the other. Even with Wilson's lack of form, he would have at the very least given us some bite (be it erratic). Sandro, having been baptised in that abomination of a NLD the other day, would not have found today any more daunting. Also - Hudd and the captaincy = doesn't work. I wish it would but it's failed twice now.

Corluka, Hutton, Bassong - Charlie, out of position. Yet played reasonably well. Bassong was okay. Hutton, I thought, was actually fairly decent. As a unit? Can I trademark the word dis-jointed? I guess they looked a lot worse (with Bale included in there) because of the allowance permitted by our midfield for the aforementioned to be placed under constant pressure.

Bale - No BAE, so Gareth is imprisoned at left-back. This is akin to taking a WMD and burying it in the desert. Do you know it's even there? It just doesn't work. He is a left-winger and a beast of an attacking player. Can we please stop dicking him about. No BAE, so I guess, hands tied. I just wanted to vent, in preparation for future games.

Modric - Welcome back. Cracking effort on goal. Tried to invent, the majority of our players did their best to prevent (my puns are as bad as Spurs were, I'm doing it to retain an air of consistency). A positive: Moddle + vdV works. In the long run, this will prove to be a God send. If we can get someone upfront scoring.

van dar Vaart - Is probably beginning to scratch his head, Hoddle style, at why nothing is working around him. Works hard, looks to create. Was superb in the early stages, faded a little, I guess due to the knock he got and the fact there is so much he can do if the side is losing the battle to retain possession. It all gets lopsided and we can't expect him to run the show if everyone else is skipping.

Lennon - Not used that often. And pretty average when he did have the ball at his feet. Got a cross in, created the odd chance. But he's still not the spark we know him to be. The irony here is that when he went off, we had no width. Crazy. When Spurs play narrow, with no Azza, we don't seem to be able to work the ball forwards as well. But we don't appear to have options for additional width on the bench. Go on, dare you to come up with a quick-fix solution to this one.

Crouch - Didn't work. Will probably score a brace in the Champions League this coming week. We have a problem. We need someone up front who can make things happen with movement, clever runs, coming deep but not so deep to allow the midfield to push into the box. Someone with pace. Bobby Smith with a touch of the Jimmy Greaves. Or the moon on a stick in a Lilywhite shirt. If 451 is the future, the most vital position is the front man. I'd say, play two up front for the league for the time being. Until the Jan window opens.

On his own (Crouchie), today, it was a struggle. Not for the want of trying, but there was no link with him and the middle five. Isolation the name of this unfortunate game. Six games now, and only one goal from an actual bona fide forward.

Subs - Had hardly any time to make an impact. Although Gio was a mighty dollop of why bother. Seems lost at Spurs, at home with Mexico. Not sure Harry really understands how to use him.

 

Attitude. What?

West Ham - Not exactly Barca but they probably thought they were today. Will struggle in and around the below point of mid-table*. But they showed us how to play like a team. I think that just about sums up how bad we were. Parker was very decent, focused. As was Noble. But then they had direction and intent in their boots, unlike our centre pairing. Hammers were first to everything. Us, second best by miles. Statue no doubt being built outside the Boleyn this late evening. But they proved an important point (three of them). You can be down on your luck, average, whatever - but if you stick in the shift, you can win the day. Good luck to that attitude. Shame for them they only get to play us once in East London. We really did gift-wrap them a win, finally a win, over us and Redknapp.

*JR Hartley

Redknappology - Harry is confusing matters. The way we lined-up didn't work because there was no genuine spin to it. What was meant to be the style of play? Where was the contingency plan to dig us out of sticky moments?

Then there's the lack of motivation. Which is the crux. Harry's good at getting the best out of players. But struggling this season to inspire some of our some what damaged Prem stars. Harry is best when Harry is dealing with backs against the wall. He joined us, 2pts8games, rebuilt confidence and we pushed on. He then took the next challenge and got us playing with absolute conviction and belief. And we took 4th.

We were always on the chase. Always with a target ahead of us.

It's now altogether a new type of pressure and the players, having achieved that impossible dream, well...I'd hate to think they are resting on their laurels. Is there no apparent target in their mind set?

He needs to re-tune them back into Fight FM. Wipe it all clean, last season. We have done nothing, achieved nothing, until we finish in the top 4 again. That ought to be the thinking at the club. The message from the gaffer to every squad player.

Conclusion

I'm glad West Ham beat us. Obviously, I'm not, but here we are. Why am I glad (in the context of the aftermath?) Because you can't sink any lower than this. Well, apart from Wigan at home.

If this isn't a wake up call with regards to EPL form, and if we dare not react positively to it once and for all next time out, then we deserve nothing more than nothing. This is not a crisis, but we may as well pretend it is. There appears to be no fire, no chests pumped out desire as a cohesive unit from top to bottom. A complete lack of willingness, conviction.

We are twitching.

If we line-up against FC Twente with Moddle, vdV and Bale on the left-wing and King at the back and win stupendously well, then once more we will ask the same questions? Are we not up for league games? Are the players thinking too much about Europe? Or do we simply struggle because of one or two changes in personnel? Can't believe the latter. We are not that sodding delicate. Or perhaps? Nah.

Goes back to the points made above about motivation and desire. And managerial guidance. Last season, they all had something they wanted more than anything, and even with injuries and shuffles, we just got on with it. And got it. We didn't over-achieve. We didn't punch above our weight. The players proved to themselves they had it in them. Too busy puffing on those Cubans at the moment to work out that all we did was take a step forwards. Not a leap.

Time for us to show that hunger again.

The current version is not the same Tottenham who bullied and brushed oppositions aside away from home during the 2010 season. We can't keep looking to the next game to kick-start it and find ourselves looking forwards for the next opportunity again every bleeding week.

I do appreciate the injury problems and the fact the players do need to adjust to playing high pressured high profile games and it's Harry's job to make sure they don't lose focus for any game. But hey, like I said. We've been here before. And although our back four was patched up, we can't keep on making mistakes in midfield.

It's not quite the point of no return. So, still no knee-jerk from me. I'll continue to support both manager and players. But they need to set the alarm. Snooze button disabled. And get out of bed.

Perhaps, we need to go back to basics again for the league games. Take every game, one at a time, rather than looking ahead, deep in thought on the next one. The players, their heads, not 100% in it. Not even close to 60% today. Just play 442, or 433. Direct on the ground sweeping football with at least one DM in the middle. Keep 451 for the group stages.

It's okay for me, the fan, to review and change my mind. I can do that as often as I want. I called for consistency a week or two back, that we need to stick to a formation, but with each passing game, I've proved myself a touch naive. Because it seems the players are not up for it at the moment. So no matter the formation, it wont make a difference. Unless, you know, creature comforts and such. Take it back to the way it was before to rebuild that confidence.

So time for some consistency from the only ones who can make the difference.

Wakey wakey Spurs.

As for you lot. Your solutions please. On a postcard. To Bill Nicholson Way, 748 High Rd, Tottenham, London, N17. Via this blog. If you want therapy of the discussional type. Knock yourself out.

Ta.

Spurs v Spammers: Match Thread

Line-up.

Cudicini

Hutton, Corluka, Bassong, Bale

Lennon, Jenas, Huddlestone, Modric, Van der vaart

Crouch

SUBS: Pletikosa, Palacios, Sandro, Kranjcar, Giovani, Pavlyuchenko, Keane.

Yes, that's Charlie at CB. Shudder. Middle five looks epic, as long as JJ turns up for it. Not short on creation. No King, Bassong or Kaboul. In fact, no defenders on the bench. Not one. Champions League the priority for Harry. Stud Bale at left-back. I'm disappointed. But BAE picked up a knock, so tinkering had to be done. Gallas I guess is still not 100%.

Having also seen the West Ham side; Green, Jacobsen, da Costa, Upson, Gabbidon, Dyer, Parker, Noble, Boa Morte, Obinna, Piquionne - shame on us if we lose this.

Feel free to discuss away in the comments section. If my baby girl allows me, I'll be updating this blog article as the game progresses.

To dare is to do do do...

1st Half

04:47 mins. Free kick outside the box after first proper attack. Ooh set-piece. Let's see how we manage to fudge this one up.

06:36 Close. Off the wall. Corner. Wasted. vdV busy busy busy at the mo.

07:18 Dyer fires wide. From the corner, another effort from West Ham. Biting of the nails.

09:28 Textbook West Ham so far. High tempo, pressure, be it resulting with deflections for corners. Need to try and put the olde studs on ball and take the pace out of it.

10:55 CC saving a shot, not masterful stopping. All West Ham. Sigh.

12:24 Bale forward. Stopped. WH counter. Boa Morta turning past Hutton. Comes to nothing, but still, this is getting a tad silly now.

14:27 Jenas with a shot. Green saves. First effort. Still have yet to have a patch of possession on this game yet.

15:23 Dyer on fire. Cheeky bid?

16:10 That midfield five just can't get hold of it at the moment. I guess with no defensive/holding midfielder in there, it's proving nigh impossible at the moment to do much other than the odd cameo run forward. Hammers fans with the Oles. Statue being built as I type outside the ground.

20 minute mark - Not a lot to say other than West Ham have been dominant, without exactly carving us up, but showing far more positivity in attack, earning corners and asking questions. We've don't little in response, be it a free-kick from vdV and the Jenas shot (as I type another vdV shot, saved well by Green). Huddlestone quiet as a mouse. All a bit dis-jointed.

22:00 Another leftie from vdV. Wide.

27:11 Starting to hold the ball a bit better. Still, our players looked bored.

29:00 1-0 West Ham. Yay.

31:15 So, have we gone and lost that away day magic from last season? We look poor, disinterested, incapable of taking the game by the scruff.

33:23 Great defending for the goal by the way. Forgot to mention that.

34:50 Parker into the box, good tackle from Charlie. This is pretty shit, no?

35:50 Just like watching Barca at the moment.

38:00 Free-kick, cross in, comes to nothing but the ball gets back onto the wing, crossed back in, Moddle with  the shot, SuperMan Green to the rescue, save onto the woodwork.

42:19 vdV cross-cum-shot, Crouch not quite getting on it. Not exactly what I was hoping for all this.

44:58 Coming up to HT. Crouch header over. Should have mentioned, Dyer went off earlier. Cheeky bid off.

Half-Time - 9 shots to our 7. It's been piss poor. Making them look decent, which is a massive achievement in itself, for us to be so out of this game in terms of application and desire. WH deservedly in front. As for us, it's not like we haven't had a go, but shooting and watching Green save is not good enough. We are meant to be stamping some of that quality onto the pitch, but it seems we have no strength centrally to take control. Time for a sub me thinks. Hopefully, vdV is okay. Looked to have picked up a knock.

So, shit first half. Honestly, only Spurs can make West Ham look good. Still, they deserve to be ahead. Can see us losing this 2-0 if we don't change our attitude. Having better quality players is not good enough if all they're going to do is swan around.

2nd Half

Okay, so here go. Can we have our Tottenham back please?

48:00 Like I said in the original post, Bale at left-back...wasted. We need him in midfield. Let's not forget, this is a struggling Hammer's side. Have a sodding go at them. They're confident at the moment, but one goal back and they are likely to collapse.

51:15 Hudd shot. Close. Another decent effort. But still, all from distance.

53:23 More in the game now. Just nothing decisive.

54:46 Oh dear. Hudd around Green, tries a shot, complete mess. Had he crossed it for Crouch...had he...

60:00 Okay, what did I miss? Had to leave the stream for several minutes. Daughter is teething, so had to use some of that powder on her gums that looks like cocaine. Talking of which, I could do with a couple of lines round about now. 30 minutes left. It's not looking good on the pitch at Upton Park. I'll be screaming like my baby girl by the full 90 at this rate.

64:55 Another CC save. Living dangerously. WBA 2-0 up at Arsenal. No doubt the scum will score three goals in the final ten.

65:34 Lennon off. Keane on. Game number 300 for our Robbie.

67:17 Did I say shame on us if we lose this? I'm standing by that statement. 

69:10 "Why are we making this look sooo difficult?! Its sodding west ham! FFS!" - Bimspur.

71:00 I'm fast losing interest now. It's all about the players right, not formation? Well Harry, it's much ado about nothing out there.

73:43 Cracking save from CC from Noble. Cracking. Cracks in our team mind.

77:10 Run into the box from JJ. Shot wasn't a cross wasn't a shot wasn't a cross.

77:36 vdV off. Good shift. Gio on. Ho hum.

78:19 Mighty scramble in our box. Which has seen more action than that call-girl skank off the X-Factor.

79:37 Crouch off. Pav on. The nightmare is complete.

81:13 If it stays 1-0 then its proof that West Ham United are level-pegged with us in stature and thus our rivals.

82:56 Champions League, it's all we've got, Champions League, it's all we've got...

84:44 Worst. Free-kick. Ever.

85:59 Keane effort. Keane of old might have had that.

88:04 Well done Spammers. Find those keys the trophy cabinet.

88:41 Yep. Given up I have.

Full-Time Shame on us. WH fully deserving of the three points, as shit as they are, they at least wanted it today. We did our usual apologetic attempts of botheredness. Not good enough Harry. Not good enough Spurs. Momentum. When are we going to have some?

Conclusion? Not much of one. Half-arsed performance. No effort, not urgency, no desire. West Ham tired, but fuck me, they're not exactly a team built up of quality and depth are they? And yet they won. We failed to score. I'd rather be trashed out of sight than to lose because we're as limp as a 99 year old cock.

Sorry Spurs. So sorry.

PS. Three points off 4th. It's not over yet !!!!1111 COYFS !!!!!!!!111

To dare is to turn up avoiding any lasagne pre-match

We've discussed plenty of times how we have been Jekyll and Hyde so far this season. Because of our stop/start play, we've yet to really stamp down an authoritative swagger on a match from start to finish, convincingly and emphatically.

City Home Draw 0-0 - Breathless first half, stagnating second half.
Young Boys Away Loss 3-2 - Keystone cops first half, dug deep second half.
Stoke Away Win 2-1 - Beastly first half, holding onto dear life second half.
Young Boys Home Win 4-0 - Probably the most comfortable 90 minutes of the season.
Wigan Home Loss 1-0 - Hangoverish. Got worse in the second half until disappearing completely
WBA Away Draw 1-1 - Mish mash.
Werder Away Draw 2-2 - Best 44 minutes you could ask for. Lacklustre defending, but not a terrible second half all things considering.
Wolves Home Win 3-1 - Laboured a little what with finishing, but had all the chances, and in the end, endeavoured to finally make the break-through. Not a win to be dismissed in terms of once more digging deep.
Scum Home Loss 4-1 - Second/third string that hardly performed and yet could have won. In the aftermath, it's quite cute how hard them lot are trying to justify the significance of the win as something tangible. The fact that it wasn't our first team should therefore have no negative impact on the mentality of the side that plays on Saturday.

Looking at the EPL games only, that's DWLDW. It's a case of C+ when we were hoping for more of a B, B+. But to be completely fair, had we won the Wigan home game, I'm not sure many would be that concerned, probably preferring to cite how we are not playing brilliantly but still picking up the points - a sign of a dogged side that churns out the results. Instead, we find we are lingering on a few worrying aspects of the performances. For example, our lack of grip on the second half of games. The struggle to be clinical in front of goal. The form of some of our players (Corluka, Palacios, Lennon), the loss of Modric (be it for a few games) and also the signing of Rafael van der Vaart.

Now the latter is not actually a worrying aspect at all. It's inspired. Levy bagged an extra dimension in Rafa for Harry, which will allow for decisive depth which IMO spoils us. We could, for example, rest Luka and play Rafa. Or play them both. Or have at least one available if the other is injured. Thus no reason to be down-hearted if we are missing one of them but including both in the starting line-up should be nothing less than majestic. Of course, there are tactical responsibilities to be understood in terms of what to do if the opposition attempt to flood the midfield or nullify one or both of our lefties.

Both are quite similar in terms of being able to play out on the flank and through the middle. Modric, a crafter of creation, dinking in and around the box with sublime touches and passes. Rafael, a technician of tricks, offensive-minded and equally superb in play-making, with the added bonus of knowing where the back of the net is.

Both (regardless of the obvious difference in physical stature) know how to handle themselves on the pitch. Modric can get stuck in. vdV is also not afraid. For anyone who had reservations about his work-rate, re-watch the first half v Werder Bremen and how superbly he covered the pitch, closed down opposition players and took responsibility with wanting the ball. He was equally important in the Wolves win. A touch of leadership about him in terms of how he's always looking to push the team forwards.

So nothing worrying about the inclusion of vdV in our squad. Of course, Harry has to be certain of  the mechanics of the team and how they can work best. Fluid functioning 451 success isn't going to happen over-night. 15 games in, if it's still fragmented and we are not progressing too well, then sit yourself in the corner and do that back and forwards slow movement, staring blankly into space, foaming at mouth thing you do when you know a transitional season is on the cards.

Amsterdam yids

So is all the lingering doubt really worth it? The scratching of heads? It's not exactly Everton all this. Or Liverpool. Not that we should ever want to be using other clubs problems as a gauge of how well we are doing in comparison. We can see what's not quite right, and it's all fixable. Look up, not down brothers.

Talking of looking down. It's vital we win on Saturday. The main reason being, it's two wins from five, and this would make it three wins in six. It will be a testament of our guile and determination. Had we not lost Modric at WBA, the game might have turned out differently. My point being, it's time for some convincing football, across 90 minutes, away from home. There is no room for the team, the players out on the pitch, to knee-jerk if say a player goes off injured. We've seen that happen this season, so time for Harry and players to excel and look towards that B, B+.

It's swagger time. Screw B. I want A+ with distinction.

West Ham, no matter how abjectly shit they are, which they are most of the time, always turn up for this fixture. Well, I say always turn up, they still had around 1,500 tickets available for the game earlier in the week. I guess some are holding out for a seat in the Olympic Stadium.

Their players rarely fail not to play with fire in their belly at Upton Park. No matter their form in prior games. And what with their woeful start to the season, they've apparently half turned a corner with their point away to Stoke and the cup win at Sunderland. A win for them would be deemed an important kick-starting turning point. Historically, for all their plucky efforts, it hardly ever goes their way. Unless of course we get poisoned.

I've got to be honest. Anything less than three points will be massively disappointing.

We are better than them on paper, on form, in Football Manager 2010, better than them even when we are abjectly shit. Losing this will hurt just as much as losing to Wigan because it's completely avoidable and unnecessary. Losing to Wigan is probably worse because that was a home match, but you get what I mean.

We always take points off them. And we never take it for granted, so no change in attitude is required. Our players are just as aware of how high tempo these games can get and that there is - like all London derby matches - the matter of pride. Be it far less important than Arsenal and Chelsea. It can turn out to be tenacious and ferocious and their players via the vocal power of home support, can elevate themselves onto a higher level playing field and blah blah blah.

I don't care. Ruin them thank you very much. Take those lingering worrying aspects we've kept in our possession since the opening day, stick 'em in a box, and throw it into the canal.

Things I want to see:

Bale marauding through the West Ham defence like a hot samurai sword through butter. Although to be fair, you could blunt a knife or just replace it with a feather, you'd still manage to get through their defence. Very accommodating, knees up and such.
Start Hutton. Bench Corluka.
Our midfield dominating the midfield. Scott Parker does a sterling job, but if we can't go to Upton Park and strangle the life out of them, then shame oh shame.
Crouch looping header of a despairing Rob Green.
If a DM is to be used at some point. Use Sandro, not Wilson.
I'd drop Lennon, but I'm struggling to work out if that would be more so detrimental to the side even with his current form being very average, because the alternative(s) are not great. Lennon, at least manages to assist. He might actually re-discover something so, in conclusion. Play Lennon.
No. More. Fitness. Issues.
Attack. Attack. Attack. Attack. Attack.

So something sexy like this will do me just fine:

Gomes
Hutton King Bassong BAE
Lennon Huddlestone Modric Bale
vdV
Crouch

COYS.

You wanna make an omelette, you gotta break some eggs

Tottenham at the moment. It's a bit like that scene in Fight Club where the nameless narrator (Edward Norton) is fighting Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) in the parking lot towards the end of the film. You sort of know what's going on but can't quite get your head around it because you're too busy trying to piece together everything that came before it so that you can aid yourself in understanding what in the heck is unfolding.

Dissociated personalities in the one single body, conflicted. Norton has it figured and then works out how to get rid, by shooting himself in the mouth. Very decent shot in fact to put a bullet through your face without killing yourself. But if that's what it takes to stop mentally projecting an annoying alter ego, then it's the chance you just have to take. Otherwise, you'll be lost and consumed by all the madness.

So how exactly is any of this like our beloved N17 club?

Well for a start, the split personality. We know we can play teams off the park (44 minutes at Werder Bremen, first half v City at the Lane). We know just not from the teasers we've had this season but from the whole of the epic 2010 battle for 4th. And yet, this term, we appear to just turn up, mostly for the first half of every game and then lose our grip on balance and structure as we heads towards the 90th minute mark. Like an insomnia sufferer struggling to get through the day, we end up in auto-pilot. Everything seems so far away.

It's a bit of this and a bit of that, with a bit of this being super Spurs and a bit of that being sleepy Spurs. That's the template, although it isn't always played out to textbook standard. This can also include dominating homes games against supposed weaker opposition and still end up losing 1-0.

I'm a great advocator of Brand Spanking New Tottingham™. It's very easy for us to knee-jerk and cite 'same old Tottenham, here we go again, we never change'. Well, soz, but yes we do/have changed. This is a new Spurs, be it one with new issues that require ironing out.

Crisis talk, or the flirtation of said talk, tends to be over matters concerning games much like the 1-0 Wigan loss this season and last seasons home loss to Wolves and one or two other disappointing WHL fixtures. We don't get smashed up that often any more. We don't buckle or choke per se. We simply, beat ourselves up. We turn the art of scoring into something infuriating. It's much like a eunuch running around a brothel naked. It's just never going to happen mate. Actually, no, scrap that disturbing yet comical image. We do have the functioning tools available to us unlike the sorry eunuch. We just sometimes lack that extra kick of special. So it's more like Pele running around a sauna, just without having taken the Viagra. Intent is there. But alas, no penetration.

You can argue and discuss the mechanics of the game, in terms of theorising that fabled what if scenario(s). What if Defoe was playing? What if we had that extra Croatian craft of Modric dinking and trickstering, making beautiful football love with his Dutch partner in a harem of wonder in the centre of the Spurs midfield? Well obviously, we probably would have won comfortably. But then again, looking to the not so distant past, we've had key players start and still ended up with nothing to show for it.

Split-personality? No question.

To be fair, on Saturday, I didn't think we did that badly. In relative terms, how did all this pan out? How did we finally work through it? Like the nameless narrator in Fight Club, we got it figured in the end. It wasn't as graphic or dramatic as putting a gun to ones mouth. The answer was always there. We just had to pull the door open towards us, rather than attempt to kick it inwards.

We played brightly in the first half, Bale was his usual marauding self, creating chance after chance for the forwards. Lost count of the crosses he put in. Crouch, Keane could have scored. Wolves did, just before half time and against the run of play. The irony of switching off for a second, resulting in an opposition goal when we had spent the entirety of the first half asking the questions...you could see where this game was going if it continued to follow the re-hashed script.

So, at this point, there was plenty of ground-hog day head shaking. We didn't turn our possession into goals. Simple math, stuck on a basic equation, left scratching our heads. Second half, had Wolves more involved, be it sitting back and defending resolutely. With us looking ominous attempting to make/create the breakthrough. It wasn't as such laboured, but it lacked clinicality. The effort, was there. The positivity was there. If lacking genuine swagger. It wasn't in any way depressive football. Just time, tick tocking away, gave it an air of desperation. You had that Déjà vu feeling about it. You just felt, at least I did, that it would not come. The template was mocking us.

Hutton (on for the injured Kaboul) was showing plenty of remember me? intent and purpose. vdV, always trying to work something for the forwards. Bale beasting it as per standard. But still, nothing. And then, Wolves gave away a penalty. Not luck that. It's what you get for forcing the issue. Hutton fouled in the box after a superb run from defence. van der Vaart, 1-1, cool as you like. Great pen. Home goal. Rejoice.

You do not talk about points dropped...

This was our moment of clarity. Staring us back in the face. We're holding the gun. Use it.

Sure there was some Wolves pressure, which initially masked the hope that the equalising goal would inspire further pressure of a Lilywhite nature. But with Lennon (on as a sub), darting and crossing, ball was cleared to Hudd who struck it back into the box, hit Henry, fell to Pav, who decisively scored. 2-1. Once again, the Russian, in the right place at the right time.

Gun to mouth. We take control.

Hutton, forcing the issue once more, running into the box chasing down the ball, which hits him and loops over Hahnemann. 3-1.

Gun fired. Smoke puffing out of the mouth of our split personality, as it collapses to the floor in a dead heap.

We're left standing, tired and emotional, but content, happy, and alive. Whilst the explosives detonated and the buildings collapsed...(that's plucky bogey team Wolves finally beaten...I think the analogy is over-stretched at this point, although tbh, it was over-stretched from the start).

We took responsibility for our own creation. We exorcised our demon. Our eyes were opened.

It wasn't overly convincing, but again, it took some guts to keep on plugging away when it genuinely looked like one of those afternoons. Against Wigan, we run out of steam, incapable of changing the game in our favour, and suffering one of those templated sucker-punches. This time round, there was enough about us (on the pitch and off it) to eventually make the difference. It's not something you can quantify. Had Hutton not made that run, and we had not won the penalty, we could have failed to force another way into the game. And we'd all be near suicidal at this point, debating how Harry is losing his grip.

Honestly? We've still yet to get going as a complete fluid unit. 60%, lower regions of 70%, performance wise. It's still all about digging deep to persevere and battle through. Whether the team of two halves Tottenham is still with us, we'll have to wait and see.

There wasn't enough bite and the ruthlessness. But enough of something in the end. Even though we were low key, heads never dropped. We created plenty of chances. 18. So it's that clinical touch that remains MIA. I still standby my statement that the Prem this season will play out much like last season. And that's a good thing. But if we want that next level, then these types of games, can't be games where we drop points. We are three down already (Wigan). Six if you want to push it and claim the WBA game too.

Player mentions:

King, Gallas, fine. BAE, about average. Jenas played well again. Sshh. Bale is a freak. Kaboul was solid (until subbed). Hutton deserved his goal and had a stupendous effect on the game. His pulsating run into the box, the game-changer.

Hudd was quiet, lacked any type of influence on the game. Crouch, not effective. Keane, tried bless him, but he lacks that assured edge. Did have 3/4 decent chances, so at least he's attacking the right areas in the box. Wasn't terrible, but just seems to try to hard and it doesn't work out.

Pav, can't fault his finish. He might do little else, but he takes his chances (the white Darren Bent?). He's popping up with the goods when it matters most, so no complaints from me. As long as he doesn't open a Twitter account. Lennon did well with his cameo. van der Vaart, as stated, is quality with the absence of Modric, it clearly shows the depth we have. Talking of which. Special extra mention to Redknapp and the three subs he made. They all worked. They all had positive effects on the game.

Conclusion. When it's said and done. It's Wolves. At home. 

Get on it Spurs. We've got to be far more accomplished than this.