Keane, 3-3-1-3 and Lily Allen's legs
Thursday, October 14, 2010 at 1:51PM Afternoon.
Hands up if you're completely sick of all the images of happy joyful faces and ecstatic celebrations, dancing in the streets and the tearful singing that is constantly being played back on our television sets and printed in our newspapers? What an escape, hey?
The pesky High Court. Had to go ruin my day.
Elsewhere, and still off-topic, I'm left scratching my head how Karl Pilkington, without fail, always manages to get reception on his iphone4 - even in the middle of a desert. Oh wait, of course he gets reception, it's magic. Praise Steve Jobs. It's a working antenna abroad.
Yep. This is going to be a mess of a blog post. Enjoy.
If I'm honest, I'm really struggling at the moment to wrap my thoughts around this weekend (International Break fatigue) and the away trip to Fulham. Might have something to do with this head cold that is slowly but surely eating away at my concentration. I feel lethargic. Out of sorts. Completely lacking inspiration and focus. Hey, I'm Robbie Keane. Alas sadly, I don't even possess the energy to lift my hands up in the air and wave them around at great speed, shouting random indistinguishable Orish at anyone who dares look in my direction. Hey, I'm still Robbie Keane. Someone take me out back.
On the subject (might as well pretend this article has a point to it), for the person who called me a two-faced ungrateful fickle **** for turning my back on Keano - here's my response. I haven't turned my back. He turned his back on us. But this isn't about juvenile bitterness. Look, honestly hand on heart, he was my 'favourite' (hate that word) player at Spurs leading up and during the Berba era (that stunning one season). He was annoying at times what with his inability to convert one-on-one's where he was required to think or his unnecessary flicks and holding onto the ball for far too long types of high jinxs. But no doubting his goal-scoring record and the impact he had. He was not a world-class great player, but rather an outstanding Premier League player.
Whether his Anfield experience proved he wasn't that great actually other than being a perfect fit for Tottenham and nothing more - it's all pretty much redundant now. He lost the mojo that made him so productive for us in the past, and he came back out of desperation (paralleled by our desperation) half a player, less than half the player he was. I'm not dismissing or forgetting what he did for us prior to him joining one of his boyhood clubs. Just that it's all a bit tainted love now. It's like this Robbie Keane isn't the same person, so I don't feel guilty for not caring too much about the current version. Harsh? Perhaps. But it's nothing to do with being fickle. It's everything to do with wanting to move onto better things. Which is what Mr Keane thought we was doing by joining the Rafa revolution.
What else can I muse about?
My dad's birthday this Saturday. My kid bro is going to the Fulham game and I have to accompany the ball and chain and baby to the family mansion for food and drinks. Which is disappointing, from a selfish self-centred footballing blogging perspective as I won't be able to cover the game with minute-by-minute commentary. Which was the plan. I'll have to kick that off in mid-week when we play Inter. If I'm not lost in self-pity with man-flu, crying for soup, an extra-fluffy pillow and angels to gently, seductively sing 'Oh when the Spurs…' in my ears.
How about a half-arsed attempt at a Spurs/Fulham Preview? I can only muster up a preview of a preview, so that will have to do.
I was thinking about Football Manager 2011 and tactics because I'm a fantasist. Spurs will be a joy to manage in the game what with Bale, Modric, vdV to name a few of our highly rated in-game players. Will probably look to sign Edin Dzeko as my forward. I'm thinking 3-3-1-3 formation (ala Marcelo Bielsa's Chile and formally and unsuccessfully at a World Cup gone by with Argentina). Attacking formation, pressing of opposition, high up pitch defensive positioning with masses of emphasis on the flanks.
So that would be a diamondesque:
(k) Gomes
(3) Corluka King Dawson (or Hutton/Kaboul King BAE) or whatever combo best suits the occasion
(3) Modric Sandro Huddlestone (on studded engine-powered roller-skate football boots)
(1) van der Vaart
(3) Bale Defoe/Dzeko Lennon
So that's three at the back, Sandro just ahead of them with Moddle and Huddlestone (neither central or left/right-centric) just behind a central vdV and then Bale and Azza in forward flank positions and Defoe or Dzeko up front. The formation would rely heavily on movement and fitness. Would no doubt decimate Fulham four or five nil if I hack the game using an editor and boost the players strength and stamina stats so they don't fade after the 70th minute mark. Wouldn't quite work in the real world, would it? A man can dream. Or perhaps with the aid of sleep deprivation, hallucinate.
Real life, the bane of my existence. 3-3-1-3 only in my head. In football everything is complicated by the presence of the other team, so said Sartre. How right he was. Unless DAVSPURS is allowed to prep-talk post match and hand out drinks to the players. I'm pretty much certain all this ephedrine conspiracy talk is a cover-up for his demand and supply business.
And on the subject of reality, I'd be happy with an almost traditional 4-4-2 on Saturday, with perhaps vdV playing just off Crouch/Pav. For me, I just want us to play the strongest team possible (well, apart from King who will be required for damage limitation in the San Siro). Write off Inter away. Actually, let me re-phrase that. Inter away is the game where most would expect us to come away with nothing and many reckon we're going to get spanked. Prioritise the Fulham match and go to Italy and just play without pressure as expectancy should not weigh us down there, considering the odds will be stacked heavily against us. You never know, football. Funny. Old. Game.
On the subject of Fulham, I haven't mentioned Lily Allen for a long long time. What's with her long running obsession with over-sized heels that make her look like she has short stumpy legs? Or does she have short stumpy legs and the shoes make her look even more stumpy? It's like someone with a massive head wearing a massive top hat in an ill-fated attempt to deflect attention away from the massive head, but people still point and say, 'oh look, it's that bloke with a massive head and he's wearing a massive top hat, what a w*nker'.
Glastonbury Allen was far more appealing than the I'm in a Professor Green video singing just the chorus surrounded by tall fit beautiful women whilst I chav around wearing a giants patent shoes Allen. Glastonbury Allen was very Natasha Khan-ish. Which is ace in my book of stalk.
Okay, I know, she's (Allen) preggers at the moment, but I'm all about the pre-bump photos. So here's a thought Lily, stop ordering your foot-wear on-line and actually get to try them on in a shop before you throw your money away. A weapon of massive consumption indeed.
Let's end this. Bones now aching. Head beginning to spin. Gut churning. Need drugs of a legal nature to help breathe some life into my pale black bags under my eyes face.
Thoughts and prayers etc. Hold off the minutes silence.
Back from deaths door soon.
Reader Comments (55)
You guys have the football but everybody knows continental women are much fitter then the Island ones
Never fear, Liverpool appear to be in the shit still what with G&H getting an American court to block the move! RBS and that American lot buying the club have some interests in the states that they don't want upsetting...might still see Liverpool on -3 points after the weekend!
Belgian Spur,
True but you don't get the "are they inbred excitement" as we do in parts of this very strange island!
You're right, expectations. I expect us to win on Saturday, although I must be deluded. I don't expect us to get a result on Wednesday. The opposite will happen - it'll confim to me that I know nuffing!
Davspurs must have been caught by the way. Haven't seen him for a while.
You're one crazy mofo Spooky. Don't ever go changing on us.
lol Yiddogray , one of my mates once got beat up by some English blokes in Ibiza because he used the inbread defence on them in a drunken mood :)
Belgians right. Continental woman are the way forward. I mean...really... Lily Allen? Three nipples and only two tits? What's the point of that?
I have a fetish for wronguns.
DavSpurs is about. I've seen him on other blogs. He posted over here too yesterday I think. Lily Allen is rank. She looks like she's got downs. Spooky, you sick fuck.
I'm with you on Lily Allen and her shoes. Ridiculous. But at least it has me looking at her feet rather than he stupid face.
Should be a cracking atmosphere at the cottage as plenty of old Spurs fans get a chance to go in the neutral section so they can drown out the faint hearted season ticket holders and prawn sandwich munchers for one game a season.
Personally though I am not bothered about the forthcoming practice game against fulham. So far as I can see our next first team game is at Inter in Milano. When a CL game is close the players are never as up for the league games so I cant buck their trend.
3-3-1-3 ?
We can barely play 442.
Too much Benylin Spooky.
Manfluenza, the worst thing since diving for penalties.
Will be fuming if we don't turn up to the Fulham game. Lovely day out, usually ruined by the football. If we fail to win this then I'm calling time on 4th spot because at this point as early as it is I can't see the players shaking off the starry eye look they keep giving CL football.
Oh, and Keane is so not the player he was, I've dropped him from my Fifa 11 squad. There was a time when you thought the world would end because Berb&Keane weren't playing together. Sylvie vdV with a Lemsip might help Spooky.
Sylvie vdV isn't all that. I think you need to spent less time looking at her legs, chest and other features below her neck and check out her face.
PLY - who wants to spend time looking at the face? Back of the head is the only view I'll be happy with.
An Idiot Abroad is very much staged in parts. Doubt very much those phone calls where Ricky Gervais or Stephen Merchant are filmed 'live'. Funny show but scripted.
"Oh, and Keane is so not the player he was, I've dropped him from my Fifa 11 squad."
Talking of Fifa mate it makes you appreciate our squad depth. When you have no injuries to contend with, f*** me it's hard to pick a match day squad.
what's wrong with Lily Allen being pregnant? I hear some people like a bit of pregnant sex. Personally my train of thought leads to a stabbing of the babies head which just kills the mood. I'm not saying I'm a massive boy but some babies have massive heads right?
Although, if Lily was asking, nay, begging while she was 8 months pregnant who am I to turn her down?
COYS
Why is everyone writing off Inter? As long as we get King, Gomes, Bale, Lennon, Crouch, Hudd and a decent team besides, we should be fine. I think we can get at least a draw - or it'll be close. Tap into that Werder B game spirit.
I hope I'm wrong, I really do, but I have visions of Young Boys away style stage-fright at Inter. The alternative is a cheeky 1-0 win from us, against all odds. But my vision, this damned 'mare, won't go away.
Get the live updates to Fifa 11 and you'll lose half the squad when injured, just like poor old 'arry has to contend with!
Fancy the 1-1 at Inter. They've got the wrong Rafa on their side.
Did Lily Allen play for Spurs? There's been a few Allen's on the books over the years....
Paul Allen had better legs, I can tell you that much.
Superb stuff.
Rory Allen had better legs and he had 2 left feet!!
Which was a shame because he was supposedly right footed.
That said............. Lilly Allen: I would
Spurs to come away with a 2-1 win at the San Siro.
Eto'o v King. Should be interesting.
I hear Ledley's getting extra big shorts made, he'll need them with Eto'o in his pocket all night.
I hope to
nail me bird tonight and she's 6 mouths preggers,what else is there to do with spurs not playing for a few days,she's still fit as fuck so why not,one more for the tottenham yoof (Belfast division)
You got a webcam?
Can't wait for the inter game but we need a win at foolham 1st,p s b out asap,sick of sight of him,gumpy wee fucker
Can we have some Kranjcar please Harry
Yes you can get us at www.irishjewdoespreggywife.com 10.45 shape cos sometimes it don't last so long :-)
Hi lads this will have to be brief the Fa and Ukad are after me for spreading rumours about dodgy Tempo . Danny Smurphy has suggested some managers tell there players to assault other teams players to get three points has he forgot who his Manager is mild mannered Hughes. He has got the natives jumping big Sam spitting venom ... Not got time to talk about shagging lumps and Allens fat legs get a grip lads got to run bbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy4-1 toooooo sssssssssssspppppppuuuuuuuuurrrrs
Man what makes DAVSPURS so special that he gets a shout out in the blog post?!? Why no love for Drew Vader, the biggest Spooky fan in garland, texas?
3-1 win at San Siro for Spurs.
Eto'o scores first but is then out for the season when he tries to do the "camera celebration" and pokes his eye out on the eyepiece shield.
Hudd, Bale, and Crouch all score.
The webcam link doesn't work. Damn. Looks like its Babestation for me tonight afterall.
Drew Vader Spooks loves Davspurs because he makes him sound like a professor with his shit Blogs . You on the other hand make me sound clever keep the faith two wins and we will all sound good 2-3 in Milan 3-1 at Fulham nasties.
lolz
quality
Win 1-0 at fulham and draw away to inter and I'll be happy. Happier if keane gets lost in Milan and left behind. Pav to score winner at fulham from a Peter crouch 'assist'.
Another, for totally different reasons, top quality post spooky. Lilly Allen ?..........for some reason I used to think she was kinda cute. Preg sex...... nah.
Keane is a disgrace really. Turning up drunk for training. Going on the piss in new York on his own during pre season. He missed a pen on Tuesday and a chance three years ago would have put away with his eyes closed. Trapatoni alluding to his lack of games for us then the local rags etc say it's deffo due to his lack of games. They forget that he's been shit since the day he signed for Liverpool and realised benitez didn't want him. Fuck off to cellic or something Robbie. Times run out.
That wasn't Davspurs. It was an imposter. His post contained punctuation.
I really enjoy reading 'Dear Mr Levy'. Keep 'em comin'. COME ON YOU SPURS!!
Keane in a previous life once played for Inter (literally once) - I think it was his boyhood dream at the time....psb & the fat ronaldo, those were the days
I predict some game time with that fact & his nemisis rafa involved...
me to u???
On the subject of formations that look insane in football manager/FIIFA11. this is my current first team.
Gomes
Hutton, King, Daws,
Bale
Thudd
Moddle
Lennon
VDV
Crouch Defoe
With thudd as a DM, Modders playing LCM, lennon RM, Bale LWB, VDV AMF/anywhere he bloodly well wants to go.
Lie down and get the rest son! Drink ginger tea with fresh lemon and honey. We'll need you on wednesday :-D
Didn't Trappatoni say at the time that Keane's transfer to Liverpool was a good idea cos it would help PSB's international career having all that champs league experience? I'm pretty sure he did. Mwuhahahahahahaha!!!!!