This really winds me up

There are many things in life that wind me up. Things that pull at my nerve endings till they break through my skin and then proceed to strum a tune with them. The type of ear-bleeding, head-pounding, gritted-teeth…oh please just do one type of wind up.

For example, I cannot stand the London Underground. I use it so therefore tolerate and thus deal with it because I have no other choice. I generally find it to be the toilet basin of travel with everyone taking an anti-social dump of frustration in it. And never flushing.

What grates me is the complete lack of social decorum and lack of common courtesy. Perhaps it's an English problem. We find it easier to be rude, obnoxious and generally shy away from doing a good deed because…well, someone else will do it for you, won't they? Best illustrated by people who suddenly fall asleep or bury their heads in their newspapers when a pregnant lady walks on clutching her bump, never looking directly at someone, waiting for that rare moment of chivalry.

What is tenfold worse than people who show a blatant disregard are the ilk of people who are oblivious. Honestly, hand on heart, if I was ever to go postal, then I'd do so on the Central Line. Nothing worse than numptys who have absolutely know sense if their surroundings and just sleep-walk around waiting for the Tube fairies to guide them to their destination.

How hard can it be?

You walk down the stairs, you turn either left or right to walk onto one of the two platforms depending on whether you are going east or west. When you make your decision and walk towards the arched entrance…why, why stop dead directly under it facing the platform? Why stand there looking confused? What in the f*ck is there to think about? Surely basic instinctive awareness would tell you three things:

1) You can turn left or right into the platform you are facing
2) If you make the wrong turning, you can - believe it or not - turn yourself around by the art of movement - face the opposite direction and walk towards it
3) There are people behind you, people you are blocking

Just f*cking move you imbecilic douche bags. It's not exactly a decision masked in mystery is it? You don't need Sherlock Holmes to hold your frigging hand.

Step the f*ck forwards.

They should introduce a law allowing legalised 'punches to back and neck' when someone just stops for no other reason other than stupidity and block your path. I'd also apply the same law to people who gleefully stroll down the platform when it's nigh packed, as if they're walking the dog in Hyde Park without a care in the world.

It's not just tourists, and I'm not a complete uncaring a*sehole, I get it…people get lost or confused. But get this. Stepping onto said platform from under the arched entrance…it doesn't mean you can't ever return from it. You're not going to be sucked into Narnia if you just keep on placing one feet in front of the other in that movement we like to call walking.

It's a train station. People are looking to get from a to b, and usually after 4:30, most are looking at getting home in the quickest way possible. Yes I know, it's all rush rush rush, everyone's in a hurry, but if everyone - every single person - was in a hurry, then we'd all be getting from a to b at the same pace meaning nobody would get angry and upset. i.e. me. Actually, to be fair, it's not that I'm in a hurry. I'm just focused to the task in hand. I'm respectful of the people around me, even if they don't deserve it.

The all-time classic was when I stood at the edge of a platform as a train pulled in. Doors opened - I was in a position that meant I could walk into the carriage first, but I allowed two people off the train (I know, heart of gold) and the bloke behind me was getting agitated and trying to force his way though. Which I did not allow. When he got on after me, he stood nearby swearing to himself, talking to himself - and quite obviously repeating the C word over and over again for my benefit. He was genuinely upset at my behaviour. I mean come on, get a grip.

And why was said tool upset? Because he had to wait 5 extra seconds to get onto the carriage? Because the people ON the train had right of passage before us and I respected this unwritten but obvious code of conduct?

I told him to shut the f*ck up which resulted with another gentlemen standing between the two of us before what would have been the most ridiculous reason to fight (ever) kicked-off.

"Yeah, yeah, I got into a fight the other day"
"Who with? Headhunters? ICF?"
"Nah mate. Bloke in a suit on a train. I kept him waiting cause I was proper hardcore, letting people off the train before I stepped on it"

Christ, my palms have gone all sweaty, ranting and typing. I want to punch people in the face now. I've lost my train of thought (still have the power of the pun). Okay, so what was the point I was trying to make with all this tube rage anecdotes?

Oh yeah, that's right, things in life that wind me up. This has turned into the longest link ever.

Things that wind me up? More so than slow walkers and dizzy motherf**ers on the Central Line?

Always, always losing to Manchester United. Even when we're winning we manage to allow the forces of fate to place a pillow over our face and we surrender and do not put up a fight as the air we breath is suffocated out of us.

For once, can we please just push the unequivocally annoying bastards in red out of the sodding way?

Punch 'em in the neck.

COYS.

Interview with a Manc

mancunia chats rooney glazers and spurs - part 1
manchester utd yoof spurs targets and the project - part 2

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Keane, 3-3-1-3 and Lily Allen's legs

Afternoon.

Hands up if you're completely sick of all the images of happy joyful faces and ecstatic celebrations, dancing in the streets and the tearful singing that is constantly being played back on our television sets and printed in our newspapers? What an escape, hey?

The pesky High Court. Had to go ruin my day.

Elsewhere, and still off-topic, I'm left scratching my head how Karl Pilkington, without fail, always manages to get reception on his iphone4 - even in the middle of a desert. Oh wait, of course he gets reception, it's magic. Praise Steve Jobs. It's a working antenna abroad.

Yep. This is going to be a mess of a blog post. Enjoy.

If I'm honest, I'm really struggling at the moment to wrap my thoughts around this weekend (International Break fatigue) and the away trip to Fulham. Might have something to do with this head cold that is slowly but surely eating away at my concentration. I feel lethargic. Out of sorts. Completely lacking inspiration and focus. Hey, I'm Robbie Keane. Alas sadly, I don't even possess the energy to lift my hands up in the air and wave them around at great speed, shouting random indistinguishable Orish at anyone who dares look in my direction. Hey, I'm still Robbie Keane. Someone take me out back.

On the subject (might as well pretend this article has a point to it), for the person who called me a two-faced ungrateful fickle **** for turning my back on Keano - here's my response. I haven't turned my back. He turned his back on us. But this isn't about juvenile bitterness. Look, honestly hand on heart, he was my 'favourite' (hate that word) player at Spurs leading up and during the Berba era (that stunning one season). He was annoying at times what with his inability to convert one-on-one's where he was required to think or his unnecessary flicks and holding onto the ball for far too long types of high jinxs. But no doubting his goal-scoring record and the impact he had. He was not a world-class great player, but rather an outstanding Premier League player.

Whether his Anfield experience proved he wasn't that great actually other than being a perfect fit for Tottenham and nothing more - it's all pretty much redundant now. He lost the mojo that made him so productive for us in the past, and he came back out of desperation (paralleled by our desperation) half a player, less than half the player he was. I'm not dismissing or forgetting what he did for us prior to him joining one of his boyhood clubs. Just that it's all a bit tainted love now. It's like this Robbie Keane isn't the same person, so I don't feel guilty for not caring too much about the current version. Harsh? Perhaps. But it's nothing to do with being fickle. It's everything to do with wanting to move onto better things. Which is what Mr Keane thought we was doing by joining the Rafa revolution.

What else can I muse about?

My dad's birthday this Saturday. My kid bro is going to the Fulham game and I have to accompany the ball and chain and baby to the family mansion for food and drinks. Which is disappointing, from a selfish self-centred footballing blogging perspective as I won't be able to cover the game with minute-by-minute commentary. Which was the plan. I'll have to kick that off in mid-week when we play Inter. If I'm not lost in self-pity with man-flu, crying for soup, an extra-fluffy pillow and angels to gently, seductively sing 'Oh when the Spurs…' in my ears.

How about a half-arsed attempt at a Spurs/Fulham Preview? I can only muster up a preview of a preview, so that will have to do. 

I was thinking about Football Manager 2011 and tactics because I'm a fantasist. Spurs will be a joy to manage in the game what with Bale, Modric, vdV to name a few of our highly rated in-game players. Will probably look to sign Edin Dzeko as my forward. I'm thinking 3-3-1-3 formation (ala Marcelo Bielsa's Chile and formally and unsuccessfully at a World Cup gone by with Argentina). Attacking formation, pressing of opposition, high up pitch defensive positioning with masses of emphasis on the flanks.

So that would be a diamondesque:

(k) Gomes
(3) Corluka King Dawson (or Hutton/Kaboul King BAE) or whatever combo best suits the occasion
(3) Modric Sandro Huddlestone (on studded engine-powered roller-skate football boots)
(1) van der Vaart
(3) Bale Defoe/Dzeko Lennon

So that's three at the back, Sandro just ahead of them with Moddle and Huddlestone (neither central or left/right-centric) just behind a central vdV and then Bale and Azza in forward flank positions and Defoe or Dzeko up front. The formation would rely heavily on movement and fitness. Would no doubt decimate Fulham four or five nil if I hack the game using an editor and boost the players strength and stamina stats so they don't fade after the 70th minute mark. Wouldn't quite work in the real world, would it? A man can dream. Or perhaps with the aid of sleep deprivation, hallucinate.

Real life, the bane of my existence. 3-3-1-3 only in my head.  In football everything is complicated by the presence of the other team, so said Sartre. How right he was. Unless DAVSPURS is allowed to prep-talk post match and hand out drinks to the players. I'm pretty much certain all this ephedrine conspiracy talk is a cover-up for his demand and supply business.

And on the subject of reality, I'd be happy with an almost traditional 4-4-2 on Saturday, with perhaps vdV playing just off Crouch/Pav. For me, I just want us to play the strongest team possible (well, apart from King who will be required for damage limitation in the San Siro). Write off Inter away. Actually, let me re-phrase that. Inter away is the game where most would expect us to come away with nothing and many reckon we're going to get spanked. Prioritise the Fulham match and go to Italy and just play without pressure as expectancy should not weigh us down there, considering the odds will be stacked heavily against us. You never know, football. Funny. Old. Game.

On the subject of Fulham, I haven't mentioned Lily Allen for a long long time. What's with her long running obsession with over-sized heels that make her look like she has short stumpy legs? Or does she have short stumpy legs and the shoes make her look even more stumpy? It's like someone with a massive head wearing a massive top hat in an ill-fated attempt to deflect attention away from the massive head, but people still point and say, 'oh look, it's that bloke with a massive head and he's wearing a massive top hat, what a w*nker'.

Glastonbury Allen was far more appealing than the I'm in a Professor Green video singing just the chorus surrounded by tall fit beautiful women whilst I chav around wearing a giants patent shoes Allen. Glastonbury Allen was very Natasha Khan-ish. Which is ace in my book of stalk.

Okay, I know, she's (Allen) preggers at the moment, but I'm all about the pre-bump photos. So here's a thought Lily, stop ordering your foot-wear on-line and actually get to try them on in a shop before you throw your money away. A weapon of massive consumption indeed.

Let's end this. Bones now aching. Head beginning to spin. Gut churning. Need drugs of a legal nature to help breathe some life into my pale black bags under my eyes face.

Thoughts and prayers etc. Hold off the minutes silence.

Back from deaths door soon.

Boycott England

#6

International break will be over after this evening and tomorrow we can all start to look forward to the weekend and Fulham away. Bread and butter will never taste so good. Don't know about you, but I've already got my gram and hooker at the ready. However, the clock still needs to tick tock into Wednesday before I ruin my nasal septum whilst having a twenty-one year old wrap her legs around my neck.

I've been positively brain dead with boredom. Placing aside daily routines consisting of travel and work and household stuff (did someone say baby?), I've had to find ways to amuse myself, keep myself entertained. It's not like there are no Tottenham stories doing the rounds out there. There are plenty. But you'll have read them. Countless times. I'm not inspired enough to write up commentary on said stories either. Again, mainly because there's not really that much to comment on, and there are plenty of media outlets and sites echoing the same bits and pieces of rumours and quotes.

I've said all I've wanted to say about Gollivan and Brady. But that hasn't stopped me from crashing my lolcopter whilst reading how West Ham have had a huge boost in their bid to claim the stadium from the grasp of Spurs. Three words. Northumberland Redevelopment Project. The Olympic stadium is a 'back up' a 'ploy'. How many times now? Move the f**k on.

Then, I think at the start of the break, there was Comolli trying to take credit for the players he signed during his tenure that are doing so well at Spurs currently. Cheers for that Damien. Do you also want to take responsibility retrospectively of the fact the club signed mis-matched individuals with different levels of application and varying styles of ability and technique that as a collective didn't quite gel and blend together until after you (director of football, right?) was sacked? What? No comment?

Oh look, I'm commentating. Stop it. Down boy.

Sigh.

Once the England game is done and dusted we can start talking tactics and formations with complete freedom and begin the padding up process of our knees to help deter the potential for jerks post-final whistle over at Craven Cottage this Saturday. Ah yes, back to reality.

So, how exactly have I amused myself other than writing up these journals, burning the midnight candle? I haven't, if I'm perfectly honest. Seems the England disease has infected my tolerance level and I have become susceptible to various ills and tragedy. I'm practically draining the soul out of my body. I've done nothing with my 'free time'. To elaborate:

X-Factor
Sleep paralysis
Peppa Pig
Eye-balling a fox that was rummaging through the rubbish bins
The only way is Essex

I've hit rock-bottom.

This is England, this is torture. I've even starved myself of James Richardson's puns, bless his brilliant bald head.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh!

So, as I've not been paying any attention to football news or found the patience to, I'll comment on the above list rather than whatever the heck is going on in the England camp at the moment. Regular readers, I apologise for the off topic meltdown. Day trippers, it's how I roll.

X-Factor - The newspaper coverage is almost akin to some of the BS you get about our beloved football club when the reporting bends reality to suit the headline and the hype. It's all self-serving and keeps it in topic. Do people honestly believe the judges (other than Cowell) have the full responsibility of selecting their 'final three' for the live shows? Cheryl Cole is there because of her undisputable beauty. That's it. You'll probably asking (again) why I even bother. Well as previously stated, it feeds my cynicism. I need a fix, and I'm happy to tap my veins on a Saturday night to get it. The first of the live shows was particularly uncomfortable car-crash viewing, yet behold, according to the 'experts' it was magical/brilliant/amazing.

Close your eyes and you could have been listening to Jamie Redknapp and Richard Keys telling you that the bore-draw being played out on Sky Sports is an epic 'chess game'.

Are people fooled by all this or do they know, but just like to pretend they don't? Watching this show, angering the blood, at one point I was certain I could see red, but alas, I had just subconsciously stabbed my eyes out with a pen.

Sleep paralysis - You're awake in bed, but you're not. Unable to move a muscle, buried under overwhelming fear of the unknown. You can’t get up and you can't wake up. Stuck in the limbo that exists between sleep and awakening. It's just like being in the singing section at the Emirates.

Peppa Pig - Countless potatoes references. Pigs and various animals driving cars stuck in a traffic jam. Banging theme music. Childrens television is made for magic mushroom consumption.

Eye-balling a fox that was rummaging through the rubbish bins - Next time, and there will be a next time, I will dismantle the sonofabitch piece of filth, bone by skinny bone.

The only way is Essex - Buckhurst Hill is where they frequent. Oh the shame of these plastic superficial twats, twatting around with daddies money. There are plenty of characters in and around Essex, so what do we get? Clichéd stereotypes attempting to act out their lives in forced exaggerated stage set-pieces in a production that makes The Hills look like Citizen Kane. Head butting the tv has never felt so great.

That's it. Someone tweet me when Liverpool go into administration because I'm immensely looking forward to the follow-up to that hugely embarrassing video Mike Jerfferies made with fans and 'celebs'  where they all cry into the camera about how the Yanks have been raping the Anfield club and yadda yadda yadda. I might have sank low these past two weeks what with my ITV brain haemorrhaging session, but compared to the scousers, at least I've retained a degree (be it a little) of self-respect.

Peace. Out.

And for the love of God, COYMFS.

You've been reading the sixth and final part of Spooky's International Break diary journals.

Part one - International Heart break

Part two - Tottenham till I die

Part three - A spoon full of sugar makes the Venables go down

Part four - FAO Sullivan, Gold and Brady

Part five - In defence of Robbie Keane

In other news...

Kick 'em when they're down. No I'm not referring to Liverpool and our game up at Anfield later this evening. I'm referring to the rather wonderful news item that Sol Campbell is set to sue Pompey for unpaid fees and bonuses. £1.7M in fact.

Hey Sol, Judas Iscariot wants words with you from beyond the grave. Something about image rights...

The Premier League is swaying like a drunk smashed out of his skull

Morning. I know this is off topic, but hey, I pay the bills so I can do as I wish. Everyone see the legend that is the anti-hero Emmanuel Adebayor (Manchester City and Togo) sitting being interviewed wearing an Arsenal training top? It was on SSN yesterday and I'm sure you've all seen the photo by now. It's almost as funny as Judas turning out for the scum's reserves last night. Best place for him. The cesspool was missing a swamp thing, but let's not get side-tracked with the man who was obviously created as part of a dark experiment from the DNA of Benedict Arnold and Judas Iscariot.

I sent out the screen-grab of Ade to some work mates who had not seen this gem of a tv appearance. And got a response back from a Manchester Utd fan that made me smile. Seems the photo inspired him to rant (well, side-track the discussion thread) about Utd's biggest rivals. That's City by the way. According to City fans.

I guess we all hate United, you know, cause they've always got the ref on their side (cough) and always dick us but everyone likes to hate City. And why not? There is plenty of hate to go round and their Chelseaesque manner of progression is unnerving to most. In fact, not to spend too much time praising Chelsea, at least they were almost knocking on the door prior to Roman buying them up. City have practically puked £££ all over football in the hope greed wins the day and contracts are signed.

Not all of their fans are to be scoffed at. Definitely not the fans who feel they've been left soulless by the money poured into the club. More so the other twats who seem to be...well, rather than have it all repeated, I think the Utd fan covered it in his email perfectly:

Well, he’s at the right club now for such a despicable character! (in reference to Adebayor).

Getting sick of reading City fans updates on Facebook. They truly believe that they ‘stole’ Tevez from us and think he went to City for ‘footballing’ reasons and that United are a club in real trouble and likely to do a Leeds.

2 things

a) Tevez didn’t want to play for us – so he can f**k right off, along with anyone else who doesn’t - and didn’t fit in our system very well, too similar to Rooney. Suits their system well hence why he’s doing better. Although Berba isn’t hitting the heights, his touch is infinitely better than Tevez’s. His strengths are coming from deep with the ball at his feet – a la Rooney. Also – he’s not the first (or last I doubt) player to leave United and do better. Forlan left and was the Liga’s top scorer FFS!!!

b) United, like Liverpool, have too much history and hence too much support worldwide to ‘do a Leeds’. There will always be someone who would come in to buy them if things got really sticky as they are established brands and this is business (unfortunately). If the oil heads leave City they’re far more likely to ‘do a Leeds’ – seeing as their fan base stretches from Didsbury all the way to……Stockport.

To be honest, I’d quite like United to have a sustained period of underachievement and drop a division. Get rid of all the plastic fans and get tickets for reasonable prices again.

Rant over. Good night.

I don't mind seeing Utd struggle. If the definition of struggling is to be sat in the position they are sat now whilst competing in the Champions League. And in some ways its great that fans of other clubs (those pesky Sky Sports Top 4 clubs) are taking the time to look behind and notice the likes of us and City and the rest catching up as they slow down. It almost feels like the Premier League is swaying like a drunk smashed out of his skull. A little push and he'll fall, but if you just leave him, he might just fall over anyway. An Arsenal ticket season holder (sitting opposite me) was saying how his team looked completely disinterested against Everton. He doesn't buy the hype about his clubs ambitions either. It's the media hyping up who they consider to be worth hyping up that has everyone confused. In fact nobody is looking worthy at the minute, which means their is a huge (massive Jamie Redknapp would say) possibility that something epically unexpected might happen this season. Unless one of the usual suspects has a mug of strong black coffee and sobers up quick sharp.

I LOL'ed plenty the other morning when the press all claimed they could win the title (in with a shout at the very least). What, after beating Blackburn Rovers? I guess our 3-0 win over them doesn't matter because it was under Mark Hughes and not under their new messiah. You know, the one that wears a City scarf because he believes in The Project©. We are one point behind City. Are we also title challengers? Like I said I know some City fans are unhappy that success might come in this fashion (Arab billions). The others are too busy having tattoos of Messi done on their backs in preparation for his arrival this summer.

I hate Utd. But I like Utd's hatred of City. Mainly because of the way some of their fans have been giving it, vocally. Delusions of grandeur. It's a tag that is usually associated with us. Perhaps I'm as bitter as the Utd fan above who ranted, because we sort of know that thanks to the cracks that have appeared at the top, someone like City is actually that bit closer to their dream. And if they're intolerable now, God forbid how they'll be if they actually won it.

Oh, and the world would implode if we ever got our hands on it. But we all know for all the money we've spent, we've never got close. Nowhere near. But at least our souls, those overly abused tired souls thanks to years of transitional seasons, remain intact. Just about.

Off-topic over and out.

Back later with an update on Spurs. If there are any worthy news items to chat about. Other than the usual Sandro nonsense. And the stories that have us wondering if Harry is about to be pulled into a long running court case that would make his position as manager...ah, let's not even go there.

Sky. Worst. Support. Ever. (off-topic)

Call centres. The bane of my life when all that's required is for a minor problem to be resolved with one simple easy call. What a fantasist I am to expect good clean technical support. Staggering level of incompetence on display here by the girls and boys up in Scotland. First time I've wished for a call centre in India as an alternative (which Sky have but I failed to experience whatever delightful troubleshooting they might have had to offer).

Extracts from my 'I hate Sky' journal below. Unbelievable Jeff.

Aug 24, 2009 at 1:28 PM

I've had to make do with catching bits and pieces second hand for the past 2 weeks having had my viewing card cancelled. Considering how often I slate their coverage, I appreciate the hypocritical nature of paying them to provide me with television. There is no cable in my area and Freeview is as eventful as browsing Teletext. Streaming everything off the net also hurts my download allowance, so Sky digital is the only viable and available option.

So, why the cancellation? Well apparently, their records had me down as having two boxes. Two Sky+ boxes. One of them was seen as the primary box and the other as a multi-room box. They cancelled the non-existent multi-room box, and with it disabling the viewing card paired to it. The problem being, the card paired to it was actually the only card I have and the one used in the only Sky+box I have.

No reason was given why their records had me down with possessing two boxes and why one of them was cancelled (manually or by the system?). No call to inquire from their customer services department to query whether I did in fact have two boxes, considering I was only paying for one.

Then the journey began. Around 6 or 7 calls to their tech support department. They twice sent signals to my box to fix the viewing card. First time I was told it would take up to 4 hours, second call I was told I was mis-informed and it would take up to 24 hours. Third call I was told the signal being sent was going to the wrong viewing card and that the card had to be re-assigned to the box. I was told they would clean up the account and escalate the issue.

Escalate to whom? 'The highest department in the building'. Riiiiight.

I was then informed it may take up to 10 days for this department to call back. Which I laughed at and suggested that was ridiculous. Asked them what exactly they were going to do when they eventually looked at the problem.

"They will make the card active again, only they can do it, we can't do it here ourselves"

Ok then.

I left it a couple of days, and called back and got through to customer services by mistake. Ironically, got better support than tech offered. The young lass admitted there was some serious quirks with my account. She couldn't quite get her head around it, but the jist of it was - the viewing card that Sky had sent me a month or so back - the one in my possession - was not the one listed in their records.

Lovely.

She said she'd look into it and call back. She didn't.

Couple more days passed and I called back again. The bloke I spoke to reiterated that there was a 10 day wait for these type issues to be looked at.

"Imagine Sir, you're not the only person who might be experiencing technical difficulties"

Ok. That really does inspire confidence.

I decided to leave it until the 10 day 'waiting period' passed.

11th day and still no callback so I get through to someone who basically proved that when it comes to receiving technical support from Sky, you have to rely on bloody good luck, because it would only appear 1 in 6 agents in their call centres are on the ball. She immediately dismissed this 10 day wait fallacy, saying there is no such process or escalation and that nobody (in the faults department) would have called me back. All they do is send out a different type of signal to the box. So in essence, the 10 days had been completley wasted.

She also spotted that nobody had bothered to re-pair up my viewing card with my Sky+ box - even though the previous agents had mentioned it wasn't paired up. Simple mistake to make? More like drunk clowns on crystal meth.

There was still a bit of work to do to avoid having a brand new card being mailed to me. So I was placed on hold. Got cut off, but received a callback - and in the end, was told the card was now paired up again and that a new signal would be sent (another 24 hour wait).

I'll be getting a refund for the days I had no service. Not that I'm happy about much.

I called up several times, purposely, to see if I can influence a different approach for them to resolve the issue, and every time hit a brick wall until the final call made. Absolutely atrocious standard of knowledge from their agents, and it was almost by accident I got the problem fixed in the end (although I wont know for sure until 6pm this evening).

Should make them pay me back for the calls made to their centre, along with compensation for forcing me to watch The Ashes via a dodgy internet stream.

This could have been sorted within 24 hours. And not taken 2 sodding weeks.

If it's not back on for the football tonight…Jesus will weep.


Aug 24, 2009 at 6:56 PM

Amazing. Just amazing. I can't believe how f*cked up their support is.

I called just after 6pm to say that the card was still not working. I was told by the girl that basically the signal sent was for the card to be re-paired with the box and that another signal would need to be sent to get the tv channels back, however - AND THIS IS PRACTICALLY GENIUS - the system is STILL reporting two f*cking boxes and my viewing card is still seen as the secondary box and no the primary.

I couldn't believe it, especially after the work apparently done on the account yesterday to clean it up. I asked how the account was still saying I had two boxes and why people persisted in saying they had fixed it/paired it up correctly etc.

Slated their support, slated the fact that it was me pushing this to be resolved and the fact that all the advice (especially the 10 day wait for a callback) was bullshit and that I had wasted 12 days and nothing had actually been done in that time.

They are sending me a new viewing card. When I get it (3-5 days) I have to call up to activate it - but I also need to tell them to cancel the other card/box (you know, the box I dont' f*cking have). I'm actually very suspicious and believe this will lead onto another monumental f*ck up.

I'm calling CS to clarify the situation over the current card and the card being sent and the fact I have one motherf*cking c*nt of a Sky + box. Just so I know they know what needs to be done at the end of the week.

Yet more tv missed because of their utter utter incompetence.


Aug 24, 2009 at 7:32 PM

It gets better.

I'm actually going to cry. First time since Italia '90.

I sat down to watch something on programme planner and found that the Sky+ features had now gone on the box. The last support agent (08442 411411) seemed to get ahead of herself and downgraded the card in preparation for the new viewing card. I couldn't believe it.

Got through to another girl and explained what happened and told her, I will wait for the new card, but all I want is my Sky+ back so I can at least record shows off terrestrial tv.

She told me the card was not paired up with my box.

I said ok.

She paired it up.

What happened?

All my Sports, Movies and Music channels are back.

She then reassigned Sky+ and got that working.

I was speechless. I asked why the f*ck they couldnt do that in the first f*cking place? How can something so simple be so impossible?

She told me that I should still use the new viewing card when it arrives because this will help to tidy up the account on their systems.

Why wasn't this done on the first call? How could so many agents and a couple of managers miss the fix she managed to implement?

When I call back later in the week, with the new card to activate it, I'm tell them I want them to compensate me for all the calls and time I wasted calling up.

Shocking beyond belief.

Today

Checked my bank account today. £61 taken by Sky. No refund. No credit. Just my standard bill with an additonal £10 charge for a multi-room box added on top like a maggot-infested cheery on a cake of shit.

Livid I was. I spoke (actually spoke) to a team leader. What did I learn?

None of the agents made notes on the support given.

Someone reactivated the secondary viewing box even though there was an active request to clean up the account.

I have to email her (when I get home) the details relating to my viewing card, version number and serial number. Details I have confirmed every single time I've called up. She will make sure - personally - that the clean up of the account is done and is final and that credit is given to the account.

The good news?

3 months, half price. Which covers more than enough for time wasted on this. Although there is plenty of time for another fuck up to occur and for me to scream for 3 months free service.

Worst support ever.

And it's not even over yet.