It's not going to happen, is it?

Tuesday will be manic. Deadline transfer day. If you're Harry Redknapp, there's plenty of movement from court room to White Hart Lane and then a potential post-match pizza with the chairman whilst we try to tie up several deals before the 11pm deadline. Following on from three points against Wigan of course, which would probably be the most vital of captures made on the last day of January.

In a world of fantasy, where consolidation rains down from the heavens we'll be negotiating for a centre-back (does Khumalo still exist?), a right-winger who can drift in centrally when applicable to tactical reshuffles (we lack width when first team flankers are missing) and also a new forward to complement Adebayor and Defoe (with Roman leaving the club to make way for the new arrival).

We've got room to squeeze all that in haven't we? Harry might even get home in time to walk the dog.

Signing the Milky Bar Kid doesn't count.

It's the 30th of the month. Carroll (Derby) and Bostock (Wednesday) have gone out on loan. And that's just about it. Hand on heart, the apocalypse is more likely before we see dos Santos and friends leave the Lodge (friends being the likes of Bassong and anyone else you believe to be surplus to requirements).

We've spoken about the necessity to bolster the squad to make sure there's that extra bit of something in there to spark us through the month of February, yet reality also lays the smack down and reminds us that pragmatics are far more forthcoming. Harry and his uncertain future might be effecting our transfer strategy. The chairman might prefer to take a gamble on what we've got, to avoid making any knee-jerk signings. Although quite how signing another forward would constitute a knee-jerk I don't know. What I do know is, there appears to be a complete lack of tangible targets if you wish to listen to the rumours.

If anything happens, it will either be a wonderful surprise to those nervously biting their nails anxious and desperate for something, anything to play out. Or we're in for another moment of golden opportunistic transfer genius. Possibly signing Cuthbert van der Vaart, Rafa's lesser known brother who also plays in the hole behind the lone forward but unlike his famous sibling can't last up to the 70th minute mark and has to be subbed around the 55th minute due to a phobia of the number sixty and his subsequent narcoleptic condition.

In the mean time Sky Sports News are panicking massively as they attempt to work out how best to get a cheeky update interview from Harry on potential transfers as there is zero chance of anyone being anywhere near the Lodge due to the game at the lane. A drivers seat window can hardly be fitted into the Spurs dugout. Of course, what with the game falling on the 31st of Jan we might find ourselves marvelling at a new signing taking to the field at half time, announced over the tannoy or better still via Levy with mic from the directors box presenting the return of Jonathan Blondel.

Best to just concern ourselves with the football. Wigan. Bottom of the table. They have been utterly smashed about in recent weeks. Let's respect the trend. With the disappoints of recent weeks, it's time to saddle up and ride momentum with a nifty gallop and scream. We've got a sunset to get to.

COYS.

Sunflower and birthday cake

Afternoon.

I've just about recovered from a week of torrid insomnia and it's main catalyst, acute Bronchitis, to find myself back on-line but it would appear with very little to share. Nothing cute about it. I think it's fair to say most of us are still reflecting on the City game. Still seems impossible, within the context of how the game played out in the second half, that fate managed to re-script the narrative with such a harsh finale. But then a score-draw would have lacked the brutal punch of certainty. In this case, it's certain we've (once more) been written out of the race. Which is all good. Much prefer us in the backdrop of 3rd place with less pressure on us leaving behind the hefty superlatives the media have blessed us with recently.

I still fancy us to push for 2nd spot. Although its more appropriate to now take one game at a time. Talking of which; the FA Cup. Friday evening. That's a fairly new one on me. Not the best of kick-off times. Means Sky+ will be used whilst I pretend to show interest in Eastenders and avoid all social media until I start playing catch-up.

Watford away. Cue re-runs of that majestic piece of genius from Hoddle. We should win this one comfortably. We need to want to win it comfortably just to get back to winning ways and also because there won't be any harm complementing our CL push with a proper old fashion cup run. Redknapp has taken us to the semi-final before. We failed to show up that day. Don't know how many times I've said it but we were once synonymous with this competition. Now it's just a distant memory. So, make it so Spurs.

The transfer window is still open. You might have forgotten all about it. Although doubtful thanks to the daily routine of re-reading the same football agent rhetoric that's used to attempt to drum up interest in players looking to leave/arrive. I stopped watching Sky Sports News a while back. Although on deadline day, I'm sure to tune in just to watch the almost Chris Morrisesque 'The Day Today' qualities of their newsroom as they go round the training grounds and stadiums of England to show us reporters standing outside waiting for a car to pull in or out so they can confirm 'something must be happening'. Exciting. It never fails to amuse. Looking forward to Jim White turning up, with CCTV showing him parking up and walking towards the lift whilst checking his Blackberry for ITK.

We're being teased that Gio is finally on his way, which means someone has agreed to pay us the £40M that Levy has quoted for the ex-Barca player. Pav is still with us. He is right? Of course he is. You know that because of the daily reminder of him wanting to leave. Think I read we extended his contract to drive up the asking price. And you wonder why he's still here. As for players in? The latest from the ITK community is: Sunflower. Yes, you read that right. Another ambiguous cryptic clue that tells you nothing but can probably explain a dozen potential names in the aftermath of anyone signing.

Harry is relatively busy at the moment so not sure if he's going to be available for late night pizza as the clock edges towards midnight on the fateful last day. This ambition I have for consolidation. Considering we are less than a week away from the window closing, you would expect that any major signing(s) we are planning must have plans afoot already for the deal(s) to be plausible. And if so, the fact no media outlet or message board teenager is sharing suggests nobody other than the chairman is aware of it. Which is always the way. That or nothing is afoot and we might be left with hoping (despairing) for another opportunistic super-signing in the dying moments. Oh the joys will be upon us soon.

As for the court case. It all sounds doom and gloom. Would do because its the prosecutions job to make it sound just that. Defence will level it out. Not even sure how important any of this is, in terms of the short term and long term. I'm not worried. At all. Also, if you're wondering...my one is spurs61.

Happy birthday to Bill Nicholson (RIP you grand legend of a giant of a man). Also HAGO to Jose Mourinho who appears to be a popular talking point to some who have already began to legislate for a new Spurs manager. Can I remind everyone of The Special One's style of football and his managerial traits and then ask you to compare them to the manager we currently have. Jose, he's a winner, but he's a winner at a cost. Both to the transfer budget required to support his efforts and the ethos of the shirt. Also, if you don't like Harry and his ego-brand protecting I hate to imagine what you'd make of Jose and his delightfully pleasant personality and relationship building skills. All this is simply hypothetical, just for discussion points.

Talking of the Special One. Happy birthday to me. I'm in great company. A thank you to Tottenham for the birthday card sent and the subliminal message it included by way of having Darren Anderton's name and shirt visible on the back. Very poignant to include 'Sicknote' in a message to me on what ought to be a day of celebration. Is that a gentle reminder of what might happen if I fall out of line again, Mr Chairman? I know you're watching. You're always watching.

#saynotostratford

I ain't scared of you.

Jim White's head fails to explode. It eats football instead.

I guess I was asking for too much to see a Scanners type end to proceedings on Deadline Day. What we did witness instead was something far more horrific. Sky cameras covering Jim White's arrival to the Sky Sports News studios. Yes. Because from 8pm onwards we are blessed with a presenter that somehow manages to define the days chaotic scramble for signings purely based on the fact that there's a fluffer under the desk squeezing his balls tight for over three hours straight.

With each passing year it seems like the coverage of Deadline Day (in HD) takes on a Chris Morris/Alan Partridge vibe. It's not satirical, it's professionalism, yet it's practically a spoof when you have a grown man in a studio shouting during a link-up to another grown man standing outside a football club as they both scream about absolutely nothing.

When something does happen, we then have to endure buckets of ugly as we come to the realisation that only the facially disturbed frequent the Sky Cameras as they huddle around the lucky reporter waiting for the sighting of say, Peter Crouch. In Stoke, it was akin to their creator arriving from the heavens to bless them by virtue of autograph. Outside the Emirates some fans showed off their tattoos stating 'Prem winners 2012'. It's a minefield of mong wherever you dared to look.

One massively disappointing aspect of it all was the fact that the protracted saga of Modric to Chelsea lead by chief brokers (Sky Sports) failed to materialise No yellow-ticker after a summer where it constantly rained with Luka soundbites. It all ended with one from Harry Redknapp (who spent most of the day driving in and out of the Spurs Lodge to be interviewed via his car window with mic in face...or was it the same interview played over and over again? I get confused)...where was I? Oh yes, the soundbite that ended it all was from 'arry stating 'one million percent' in reply to Modric remaining at the club.

All in all, much ado about nothing. But we all know in this wonderful game of ours that nothing is always worth its weight in gold as something. As witnessed by Twitter for most of the evening. No matter the pointing and the shrugs of embarrassment, we all still somehow manage to get sucked in. Every single time.

So, I leave you with this. Ironically not via Sky but via The London Evening Standard. Remember, it's September 2nd today. The window has been closed for a day.

I know what you're thinking having clicked on that link. Jesus wept, right? And if Jesus was a football fan, he'd be left on the shelf. 

-

From the world famous secret studio of The Fighting Cock podcast team, it's episode six. Discussed in part one: Twitter re-tweet mission update. Man City debacle autopsy. Livermore > Modric. The truth behind Luka's performance against City. Formation headaches. Centre-back headaches. Positivity and negativity. Harry Redknapp is dissected (it gets ugly) along with our transfer dealings (pre-deadline day) and Neil the Cabbie is back with a brand new rant. In part two we laugh at the scum (lol) and whether we should in fact be laughing at them. We laugh at them anyway. We've got emails. Also Daniel Levy. Do we love him? Or do we not? Do you love him? A twist on the Tottenham Whisper. And we end with a super-quick game of Killer.

Love the shirt.

Jim White's head set to explode. Don't forget to tune in.

Another deadline transfer day. Another opportunity for us all to witness the explosion of Jim White's head on Sky Sports News. We live in hope, however Jim's head appears to be explosion-proof. Unless it explodes off camera after the deadline closes shut. Perhaps Sky have cloned him or in fact he might be an android, which might explain the over the top euphoric emotions when explaining to viewers that someone, possibly of Earth origin, has been seen walking in and around the Chigwell area. Does Jim dream of Harry in a Range Rover?

Still, those of us with the privilege will tune into SSN regardless of the disdain that is sometimes shown towards their passion for yellow-ticking the most mundane content (low-key Prem player is injured for four weeks...let's stick 'breaking news' on the top left-hand corner of the screen and proceed to bang on about it for three hours). Don't forget the massive wide-screen touch-screen that not only displays all  the current ITK nonsense doing the rounds but can also display the Surf Report, if 1 foot waves on the coasts of England and Wales is your thang.

Just pretend it's satirical. It turns instantly to genius.

However, today, I'll accept in terms of pure entertainment...they capture the scatter-gun madness of the count-down brilliantly. Reporters outside all the expected-to-be-busy clubs/training facilities, dramatic high voices (go Jim go!), special guest commentators in the studio to give their invaluable predictions and Harry Redknapp in a helicopter (because it's quicker to collect the pizza than it is to wait for the bloke on the delivery moped).

It's epic. It's ridiculous. It's brinkmanship. It's panic. And that's without Sky Sports. With it, parts of your brain might haemorrhage with the overload of anticipation. Mostly always much ado about nothing because we know that sometimes the anticipation is far greater than the pleasure. I mean come on, Sky actually call it 'Deadline Day' like its box office movie. It's in HD and sh*ts gonna happen, Yippee-ki-yay Daniel Levy! Everything is Hollywood baby.

Cue frenzied vocals and snazzy on-screen graphics...

"...right now let's go to Loftus Road, shall we, breaking news, QPR, let's get the latest...Rachel Brookes..."

"Right, well, I can confirm QPR are interested in Craig Bellamy..."

Hmm...Okay then. That's an actual direct quote from this morning.

Talking of breaking news, Harry has already been at it first thing, arriving at The Lodge, leaning out of the window, mic in face. Confirming Modric is not going (1,000,000%) and that Crouchie might be the one to shift out because he's the one in demand. Cahill also on the radar. Hot. Off. Press.

The bad news is, I'm tragically not going to witness the hopeful explosion of Jim White's head this evening. In fact, from around 5pm till gone 10pm I'm going to have to rely on my 3G connection and Twitter. Travelling up to Manchester (to kidknap Adam Johnson). No guarantee that I'll see anything when checking into the hotel either due to commitments. Might well be offline for most of Thursday also unless I can sneak in some interweb time on the sly. I'm sure Twitter will rescue me. Although judging by the way journalists and fans (and Tom Huddlestone and Danny Rose) are currently sharing/discussing protracted transfers, its an even bigger mess of hype than Sky Sports News.

I guess, it's not that important what happens leading up to it, in the build up because it's what happens right at the end that matters most. Hold on, why am I talking about sex?

So what of the transfers?

I guess brinkmanship is the reason so many clubs wait until the final day. The selling club hoping for that extra million or two from the panicking buying club and the buying club hoping the selling club panic and sell on the cheap. We can only guess that the reason we've waited until the last minute to sign Scott Parker is because we've spent the best part of a month and a half attempting to sign Diarra. Hardly decisive, are we? Seems every player we lust after requires a minimum 6 weeks of flirting before we know whether we're going to capture their signature or not. If we were talking about sex, Tottenham would last all night making gentle love, but never reaching a climax. Here's hoping Daniel Levy is good with his hands.

When using the fax machine. I'm talking football again.

Parker, Cahill + one other player (another forward or perhaps one that can double up and play right-wing/midfield, you know, like that Ruiz fella who has signed for Fulham) would be a good solid final day. When our injured warriors are back, we'll have a beastly team. The question at that point will be whether Harry works out a consistent cohesive formation for them to fit into. Let's not forget, we've signed Adebayor. He'll make a monumental difference up front.

Parker, bless him, handing in a transfer request just for show to appease the Green Street faithful (Big Sam preferring Nolan, porn barons not wanting too lose too much face). He'll fix one issue (engine in midfield, leadership). Although he has plenty to prove once he wears the Lilywhite. Still worry that he excels in average teams and struggles in decent ones...on hold up, he'll be perfect for us then! lolololol and so on.

Other targets? Diarra is still being linked. Bellamy (he's being linked to everyone). Leandro Damião da Silva dos Santos? Not a chance in this window. Yossi Benayoun? Joe Cole? I hope not. Gignac
is being linked to Fulham. Cheeky bid? And Mario Ballotelli's profile has been removed from Man City's official player profile page, so nailed on medical at The Lodge due in 3...2...1...

Everyone wants a van der Vaart Part II last second special from the chairman. You know, just without the excess weight and injury plights.

As for players out? Other than Crouch, Pav is whoring himself again. Jenas to QPR is much touted but would be shocked to see it happen. Bentley won't move on as nobody will pay the £30M Levy wants for him. Hutton, you'd hope someone would take the plunge. As for Gomes, do not believe we'd be stupid enough to loan him out. Bassong might form part of a swap deal for Cahill (do swap deals still happen?). Anyone want to save Niko from central midfield? One thing looks certain at the time of writing, dos Santos looks to be anchored to us once again.

Hold onto ya hats then.

It's a massive day for Harry Redknapp and Daniel Levy. Today will define just how good of a squad Tottenham Hotspur will have in Football Manager 2012.

COYS.

Love the shirt.

Join me on Twitter @Spooky23

-

The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

Also listen to The Fighting Cock via:

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e-mail: thefightingcock at gmail dot com - we want your feedback, suggestions and e-mails.

Where is our apology?

I'm playing catch-up what with being 'off-line' for the vast majority of yesterday due to travel commitments. Sounds like I missed out on a fair bit. I'm hearing rumours that Chirpy attempted to foam pie Harry Redknapp in the face but Joe Jordan intervened. That pesky attention seeking chicken.


Terry

Elsewhere, Sky Sports published an article covering an interview with John Terry. Then issued an apology and altered the article in a couple of places. I've had a look at their website. If I've got the wrong end of the stick, then beat me with it. I've seen the video footage of John Terry being interviewed (which is what the written article was based on). Terry (around a minute or so into it) uses the word 'disrespectful' whilst referring to the Spurs and Luka Modric situation. It's muddled, I'd admit that. But my gut reaction is that he's simply citing the fact that talking about Modric is probably not the best thing to be doing in any grand old way because it will start to touch upon the art of tapping up. So he throws in the word disrespectful to appease us and protect himself. Which is fine. It's understandable.

Sky, oh so giddy Sky, run the written text version (along with video) to the tune of 'Terry - Modric 'disrespectful'. Pretty much sums up their tabloid bloodline. They've taken nothing and made something out of it. The tone of the entire interview did not have an agenda to it from Terry's perspective (can't believe I'm painting him as an innocent party in all this). The only apparent agenda(s) was to try and get Terry to talk up Luka (in a Chelsea shirt) and to thus gain the most sensationalist headline out of it. Terry does call Modric 'world class'. But that's ignored (surely better to have run with that if Sky are so desperate for the player to join the West London club?)

Don't know how long it took, but the title was later altered to 'Terry - Modric is world class' (there we go, second time lucky). So what we have here is simply a case of Sky running an out of context headline for what Terry said. He cited 'disrespectful' - Sky run with it. They change it. Then they apologise. But then what they do next is laughable - they remove the disrespectful comment from the written text article altogether. Too much to get their heads around I guess. Perhaps struggling to work out the ambiguity of the quote.

Far far easier to ignore it altogether than perhaps appreciate that Terry didn't want to be too forward in his appraisal of Luka's talent. I actually still don't get quite grasp the point of the original headline as it's hardly the type of headline that follows on from previous pro-Chelsea ones. The 'world class' amendment is more in tune with their Luka to Chelsea push.

I'm still patiently waiting for Sky to issue an apology relating to the Modric transfer request that apparently was never (according to Spurs) handed in.

One critisism of John Terry re: Luka?

"He's very agile, very quick and a great finisher like we've seen over many years."

You what?

Souleymane Coulibaly

Looks a talent. 16 years of age. Superb vision and touch. An eye for goal. Suggestions from some that he's on a promise for first team football (hence why he signed for us). Back on planet earth, it's obvious the kid has the moves but he's just that. A kid. We've been here before. Many many times. We never actually sign teenagers good enough to be blooded into the rough and tumble of the Premier League without disappearing in the youth sides and loaned out to Championship clubs first. I'm hoping he is different (much like I thought Bostock would be different). I'm also hoping we take our time to work on his raw ability and develop him with the onus on Souleymane being a valid project for first team football in the next year or two. It's about time we signed someone of this ilk and followed it through to fruition and witness an impact at an early age rather than a full début at 25 then a transfer to Ipswich.

Scored on his 'Spurs' début. Read more here.

Pirates

The second game in SA and the second pre-season game I've not watched. As previously preached, all I care about is the team getting fit, getting back into a rhythm and avoiding injury. Would be nice to read about us performing with spark, style and swagger. We either always look disjointed or amazing. Never in-between. We all now that 'amazing' usually equates to world class underachieving when the season proper starts.

Don't think Modric should have been handed the captains armband. Are we trying to get him 'on side'? There's no reason to be doing this just to send out a message to anyone watching, because as chairman has stated a couple of times - it's a closed matter. Luka is hardly captain material. Even in a pre-season friendly wearing the armband should be an honour rather than part of a reconditioning process.

Nice free-kick from Rafa. More of this in the Prem please.

Sky Sports understand that they understand something about understanding

"Modric is currently with Spurs on their pre-season tour of South Africa, but we at Sky Sports News are desperate for him to make the move to West London"

Read the breaking news here. It's yesterday's news today. Tomorrow, Sky confirm Luka is human and lives on planet earth with other humans.

£30M Chelsea bid expected. Like adding £3M onto the last bid is going to make a blind bit of a difference to anything. The ankle injury is also part of the deception. Right? Waiting for Sky to confirm. Exciting times.

Dig in, Levy. We shall not be moved.

Harry on SSN (video footage)

Don't think he said triffic once.

Usual soundbites, interspersed with footage of BAE and Rafa van der Vaart talking from their cars. Walker looking likely to stay at the club (no loan deal). That defender we signed from South Africa, you know the bloke, plays in defence...he's possibly off to Rangers along with Livermore. Bale is going nowhere. Looks good in training post-injury.

The stuff on Modric was painful as per usual. Not sure why he just doesn't say 'not for sell, next question please' instead of 'we don't want to sell but...', which isn't as bad as it sounds (got tongue-tied a little) but still feels like he's dragging his heels a little. Just finish off the rumours once and for all. I guess he wants to protect himself if the unimaginable ever happened. Did do well to dismiss the Luka Chelsea bid and not place a 'valuation' on him.

To be honest, he was quite positive about Spurs and challenges going forward. Good PR from Harry on the ambitions and the targets he appears to be setting himself. Although there is a caveat, as ever: down to the chairman to do the business transfer wise.

He wants to win the Championship at Tottenham. We need to get relegated first Harry. But you'll see from the below videos, it's basically the same type of questions being fielded and the same sort of half disassociated answers. We need to sell, we need to buy, we need to buy top top players. Nothing new here. We all know the score.

Did like the bit where he states City had to spend around £140M just to make up the two point difference on us and finish higher. Does put things into perspective. We were not that far off them last season even with the monumental difference in expenditures. But we - no doubt - need to sign a world class forward and perhaps one or two others from the top drawer. Get the feeling we might have to just make do with that all important forward.

Can not fathom a scenario where we don't.

Thanks to Si - www.spursornothing.co.uk

Harry Redknapp bingo

Harry on SSN, tonight in their brand spanking new studio, from 7pm. Anyone for some Harry bingo?

'We're looking to do something'
@aronmoore

'Prices being quoted are ridiculous so well try and get Phil Neville again'
@DJ_Matt_Black

'We've plenty of top lads ere, all of em triffic, no need to sell or buy, this is as good as it gets...'
@jazz15c

'Robbie's a good lad I think next season he'll do well as club captain. Triffic leader'
@benfranksthfc

'With teams like Man City spending the money they are it's difficult to do anything'
@Magarty

'Don't ask me about transfers, that's Daniel's job'
@Bentleysbird

'Yeah, well, we're looking to get a player or two in, but it's difficult to find anything better available'
@Spooky23

'It would be an honour to manage England. Who wouldn't want to manage their country. But I ain't spoke to no one at the FA'
@Jimmyriggle

'I like Vucinic, he's a top, top player. I've always liked Vucinic, but I've got 4 triffic forwards already'
@WindyCOYS

Turns to camera, looks straight down it, rips his shirt off and screams, 'Come on you idiot mugs, 2 pts, 8 games'
@Spooky23


#SSNharrypredictions

In addition, guess how many times our 'arry will say 'triffic' during the duration of his SSN visit.

I'm guessing 9.

disclaimer: this article has as much substance as SSN

Roman Pavlyuchenko ate my squirrel

I'm coming down with a cold. Head hurts, nose is running, lack of sleep. And I'm sadly finding no warmth from any of the news items that have presented themselves to me this morning making Tuesday as bland and boring as Monday was. Even The Sun, celebrating 40 years today, can't muster up anything of interest, informing us that we are after Man Utd's Ben Foster for a cool £6m. Another back-page testament to the age old 1 (Carlo injured in bike accident) +1 (Foster wanting first team football) = 2 (sign for Spurs) system that has proven to be so very successful for them over the years. Sort of make shit up and it sells newspapers.

I might appear to aim a dig or two at the esteemed red-top, but it still serves its purpose. It's no different I guess from any number of message boards that contain posts from people who claim to be in the know about who is about to sign on the dotted line or opinionated and brash fans telling all how they see it. The Sun print stories that are about as reliable as a David Bentley flick. Might look good, but it's completely useless in the grand scheme of things. Like most of the alleged club insider stories that we are treated to on-line. We read exclusives that contain no direct quotes or actual conclusive evidence. But it's ok because it mentions a 'close friend' or 'club source' as confirmation that the info at hand must be credible because they can't reveal names as it's come from someone who has to retain their anonymity. And how can you possibly argue against massive bold capital words?

For the more astute (that's practically everybody with an ounce of common sense) you'll also have noticed that rather superb trick of printing every transfer scenario imaginable, regardless of just how made-up it is because there's a calculated chance of one of them sticking and if it does then it allows them to re-print the winning story, with the date highlighted, and the smug claim they were in first with the news.

It's such a complex science. Newspapers gloating about how they printed the story before anyone else, even though most papers tend to just read message boards and rehash the nonsense they read on-line. Did I mention that already? Of course I did. I'm recycling. Another gem of the modern day sports press. Quiet time? Go ahead, just re-print a story from two weeks ago, dress it up a little bit by using even older quotes not used last time round and make it look like its brand new gossip. It's a never-ending tapestry of half-truths. If someone notices, who cares, they'll be hundreds of message board forums jam-packed with discussion threads about the story at hand, even if there is little substance to it.

So what possible purpose does it all serve? As a generalisation, the window to football supplied by the likes of The Sun basically mirrors the common man's pub drink chatter on the beautiful game. We all exaggerate and make assumptions and discuss the latest rumours and stories. Tabloids are almost akin to a memo reminding us where our topic of conversation(s) should head towards. Newspapers like The Sun fuel said conversations and incite debate. Even if it all stems from the most basic of platforms. They've even got our Harry on board. And that's the appeal. Quick, easy access - nothing to strain the brain. Big photos and small words. It's made for easy consumption. Harry and his self-publicity sound-bite editorials are a joy to behold. It's far from ground-breaking journalism but its likely to make you turn to the next person and talk about it. Not quite as controversial as it would have you believe, just safe…with a hint of knock-down ginger rather than a brick through the window.

Yeah sure, there's always a hint of Top 4 elitism and favouritisms creeping in with plenty of dour Matthew Norman types depressing their way through match reports. Transparent, but not overwhelmingly patronising as Norman himself over at that freebie paper, The Evening Standard.

If it wasn't for their simplicity of dressing down football then we wouldn’t be blessed with the likes of Sky Sports News, which is a little bit like a 2D version of the Sports pages of The Sun just without the Page 3 girls. Talking of tits, their presenters reach such heights of giddiness over complete non-events that it becomes watchable by virtue of the pantomime at hand.

"We're outside the Spurs training ground, and that might be David James in the land rover that just drove past. Can't be sure, but if it is, he'll be here for a last minute medical and will sign for Spurs. Nope, actually, he's in Portsmouth, but we're just hearing that Anton Ferdinand is about to sign for Spurs…"

Love it.

Whether it's a reporter outside a football ground with delusional/happy fans jumping up and down or the flash of the yellow ticker telling us that they understand xxx is about to sign for xxx, it's essential viewing because you don't want to miss how many times the same bit of news can be repeated with such a consistently high level of enthusiasm.

My personal favourite was the evening that Sky exclusively told everyone that Barcelona captain Puyol was practically Spurs bound, only for the yellow ticker to suddenly disappear and for the accompanying web page story to go missing. Not another mention of it. Ever. It was almost like someone had gone with the story based on the word of someone else who just blurted out a randomly selected well known player, even if there was no suggestion he would ever consider leaving the Camp Nou let alone join us. As if. Yet there it was, scrolling across the screen.

The Sun, Sky…everyone proclaims to hate them yet people keep on reading and watching. I'm one of those people. It's a bit like the X-Factor. It's a winning formula that never needs to change it's format in a huge way and even when it's controversial or just plain silly its popularity isn't effected. Even if it's critically condemned it's usually by the very same people who claim to dislike it yet can't stop talking about it. Christ I hate the twins. Hate them with a passion, but can't ever see myself looking the other way and ignoring them. But that's the magic of Murdoch's The Sun and Sky Sports News. As for Cowell and Jedward, nice lads, who can't sing. Much like Juddlestone at Spurs. Nice lads, who can't play football.

So here's to a further 40 years of botched up predictions, agendas and propaganda, columnists and their egos, regurgitated agent transfer talk and all the exclusives we can handle.

Keep on whoring...

Transfer Window lock-down - a review

I'm not sure what I enjoyed most about transfer deadline day. Sky Sports News ridiculous coverage which greeted every piece of non-event news item with delirium, including Andy Burton checking his vibrating mobile phone for inside information 'live on air' whilst the other presenters did their very best not to spontaneously combust.

Or the various Tottenham message board 'ITK's who failed miserably to guess the days transfers, desperately attempted to predict what would unfold in the final hours left till the window closed.

Ironically, not a lot was actually happening in the real world. The last day of the transfer window always feels like an anti-climax if nothing overwhelmingly spectacular doesn't occur. Even though we've had the entirety of the summer months to sign a player, we all assume that a last minute deal is likely, when in fact the odds are stacked against it.

We knew Niko Kranjčar would happen and it did. Quite possibly the deal of this window and any window, as Levy somehow managed to get Portsmouth to fork out £1.5M + the Croatian midfielder for the signature of Kevin Prince Boateng. Amazing.

He'll cover Modric over on the left hand side and might stay there with Moddle playing centre when he returns. Gives us options. Gives us a little more depth. Still no true left-winger at the Lane, but we don't appear to need one. Niko may have gone stale at Pompey and has not got anywhere near the type of quality he can produce and produce consistently, but you just know Harry will get the best out of him. And much like we've seen many times before, a move can rejuvenate a player. It's a good solid signing, one without the overexuberant price tag and hype that we usually make the mistake of making.

Elsewhere, strong rumours linking Bentley with a move to City and Petrov with a move to Spurs. This morphed between transfers to loan deals as the day progressed, suggesting we would swap wingers until seasons end. Neither deal happened. Harry saying that David leaving wasn't going to happen. Petrov's agent saying that the player wanted to sign for Spurs and was in London but Mark Hughes pulled the plug.

As the clocked ticked and we got closer to 5pm, Sky Sports News presenters began to melt on screen like the scene from Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

"Don't look at it. Shut your eyes. Don't look at it, no matter what happens!"

And yet we couldn't look away. And in reply we were entertained as we listened to stories about how Alan Hutton and Anton Ferdinand were going to swap teams in a loan deal that would have left us with one first team right-back (having had 103 at the start of the season). Had we signed Ferdinand I would have spent the rest of the year doing porridge. He's absolute pony and I would have happily broken into Levy's home and explained this to him as he awoke in bed next to Mrs Levy.

David James to Spurs was tabloid fantasy. We did however inquire about Matthew Upson but it 'never really got close'. And that was it. The only missing piece from the jigsaw was a central midfielder. One that could either:

- Cover Wilson Palacios
- Compliment Wilson Palacios
- Play a little too

Not asking for much then.

It's been the one constant through-out the summer, our search for another robust enforcer. If Wilson picked up a Modricesque injury, who would slot into his position to aid us in his absence? Should have known nothing would happen on the final day. If nothing has happened all summer, then what chances of a deal being struck in the final 24 hours unless talks have been ongoing for a week or so?

At the start of the summer we bid for Gareth Barry but stood no chance of offering him the riches that City could. Not sure what the Vieira story was all about, as he's not even half the player he was 5 years ago. Slow, no bite and quite simply a shadow of his former self - he would have been an unmitigated disaster in Lilywhite. Not even his former club looked his way with a serious inclination to sign him (it was more a case of PR so that his Arsenal ties were not damaged with talk about joining Spurs). I still think Redknapp used this as some form of mis-direction, but if he did, nothing was forthcoming in the way of a CM signing.

Sissoko, we bid for. Apparently a while back. And found ourselves walking away slowly thanks to the price tag. Appiah was on trial for us months ago, and the ITK's (desperate towards the end of yesterday) suggested he was about to be signed ( the transfer deadline wouldn't even be relevant here anyway). Muntari was also a favourite of many but again this appeared to be nothing more than paper talk, much like Jenas to Inter was.

Sandro, the Internacional midfielder was heavily linked with a move to Spurs, until it was revealed that the real reason Levy was in Brazil was to complete a partnership deal with his club which will allow for their players to join us loan. The alleged £16M bid for him was probably nothing more than ye olde mis-direction. However, I wouldn't discount this completely, and he may yet sign for us (on loan or otherwise) in the next window. Just a hunch. And considering the deal we have with Internacional, it won't come as a surprise.

So with the window closed, we have a decent squad of players + 1. Would have preferred O'Hara to have remained with us, but if he plays for Pompey between now and Jan, then he'll come back a better player. We hope.

Disappointed that there is no brand spanking new CM? Was it realistic to expect a player of similar ilk to Palacios to sign, and if a player of such quality did he'd have to play alongside him rather than on the bench. Signing someone as cover when we have O'Hara (be it out on loan for the moment) was obviously not a priority.

Do we know enough about the likes of Sandro and Sissoko to expect them with any assured certainty to be able to play side-by-side Wilson? What would happen to Jenas and Huddlestone, the latter developing and improving with each game? A massive £15M midfield signing would actual cause a problem or two with squad harmony. Nice problem to have, but almost certain to bring the end of either JJ or Hudd come the new year.

I've not changed my tune on this. Still reckon we need another CM. But finding one for the right price and one that can spend time on the bench and still be good enough to play alongside Palacios…that's not as easy as I wish it could be.

If Levy does have something lined up with Internacional, then signing another midfielder now would not be an option even if we are crying out for one from the message boards. In fact, maybe Harry doesn't think we need one. No last minute activity yesterday would suggest so, as I can't find a single quote from him to suggest we were looking in desperation to plug this particular hole.

So that's that. Four months to go before the window re-opens. Who we sign then will depend on how well we are doing. If we are in a 5th spot within touching distance of 4th, then perhaps the money saved yesterday will be spent to lift us up tomorrow.

Fact is, we continue to sign players who improve the team balance/structure. No textbook superfluous signings. Times have officially changed at the Lane. And now the real work begins.

Hold onto your bagels.

'The Glory days are back'

Sky Sports News, you've done it again.

Give it a rest with all the ‘Spurs for the top 4’ nonsense please. Picking out a couple of simpletons and enticing them to talk about ‘the glory days’ just because we’ve won two games on the trot is not a representative of the majority. Prior to the start of the season, most of the media and pundits had as for 6th at best. Fans agreed. Six points later you’re showing a Spurs shirt with ‘Top 4’ printed on the back (did you offer to pay for that?) and interviewing two giddy over excitable supporters who probably have ancestry you can trace all the way back to a Newcastle mental institution. What next? Cameras outside of Harry’s house with four or five Spurs fans gleefully jumping up and down behind a reporter holding up a cupboard cut out Premier League trophy? Daniel Levy to commission a new special release entitled, ‘The Glory Days are Back – 2 games, 1 DVD’? Chas'n'Dave to release a new track with the lyric, 'We're gonna do it again like last week'?

I guess with no repeat performance of last year’s debacle, and thus no Soccer Saturday punditry mock of the week to entertain the SSN viewers, you’re taking the tactic of building us up so that any fall would appear to be bigger than it is so you push Charlie Nicholas in front of a camera to slate all of the deluded Lilywhites who all believed we were Top 4 material after two games. Are you chaps so insecure about the Premier Leagues status as 'the best in the world' that every game and performance has to appear to mean more than it actually does? Wait until we've won 12 on the spin, then you can wet your knickers to your hearts content.

Shame for all the countless clips of fans saying '6th at best' ending up on the edit room floor. Not newsworthy. No potential for a sound-bite there. Realistic fans on SSN? Doesn't fit the narrative does it?

As for the lady who claimed ‘It’s great to see the glory years come back’ who has apparently supported us since 1977, how much acid did you drop you absolute belting melter? Get a grip ffs. And if I see anyone wearing a Spurs shirt with ‘Top 4’ on the back, I’m going to pelt you with frozen monkey shit pellets.

We all know how the media work. Pick out the weak moronic ones, prime them up with questions and force them to say the most sensationalist comment possible, edit it to fuck, and run it every 20 minutes. I guess if some fans want to over-react wearing ridiculous smiles on their faces, it's better than what we had at the start of last season with all the insufferable crying about relegation and the Keystone Kop comparisons. Fans moping around with sickles and hooded cloaks. Depressing stuff. And from one extreme to another. You never fail to let us down.

How about running a story with more substance? It's staggering that nobody has picked up on Chirpy's drinking problem. He's the Amy Winehouse of mascots. A mess who spends most of his time getting shit-faced in Faces Gants Hill, and then staggering around WHL on match-day hugging and harassing people. Can nobody smell the alcoholic stink on his breath?

Anyway, I'm off to have 'Champions League Treble winners, 2011 - 2012 - 2013' tattooed on my back.

GTFI COYS.

Spurs at home first game of the season?

Arsenal? Playing away from home? On the opening day of the season? Are you mad? The FA would never allow that.

Apparently they would according to a Sky Sports News slip-up as seen in the above screencapture. Considering the fixture list isn't meant to be out yet it makes me think it's a fake. Unless Sky are privy to this sort of thing before the official release. Ooh.

If this is/was geninue, I trust the FA will fix it up. Probably give us the above fixture list.

Two points six games anyone?

Update: Bank Holiday dates are wrong based on the proposed programme of games the Prem League has lined-up, so this is not real. But don't fret. The ITK fraternity claim the scum are away to Everton and we do play at home....against West Ham United. Some of that please.