Why I'm quitting...

Recently my blog has had a long relationship with satirical pieces and parodies. The emphasis has been on national newspaper and television reports that harbour agendas towards destabilising Tottenham Hotspur, caring only for generating commercial hype, hysteria and propaganda but this has now ended, and I’m relieved.

For over 5 years I've devoted myself to peddling a product for which good work is irrelevant, because people can’t stop themselves from clicking in and falling for it. A product that never improves, that causes ambiguity, and makes people confused and unhappy. There's no money in it for me. No pop up ads here. But there's a lot of money to be made by others. In fact, our entire blogging business depends on it. We know it isn't good for us, but we can't stop.

And then, when I realised even damning editorial pieces aimed at critically dismantling the media add further fuel to the fire including other websites elsewhere, I realised, here was my chance to be someone who could sleep at night, because I know what I’m writing doesn’t incite my readers.

So as of today, Dear Mr Levy dot com will no longer comment on tabloid and media hyperbole. I know it’s going to be hard. If you’re interested in constant conjecture, commentary and conspiracy on what the red tops hacks have to say, here’s a list of other blogs that do it well:

Transfer Tavern, Caught Offside, Harry Hotspur and Goal.

As for me, I welcome all other readers because I'm certain that my best work is still ahead of me.

Sincerely,

Spooky J Francis
Creative Director
Dear Mr Levy dot com

Tottenham set for relegation if they appoint Andre Villas-Boas

Guest blog by Daily Express journalist and rreporter Colin Mafham

Tottenham Hotspur are on the verge of a cataclysmic black hole that will systematically suck their history, past present and future, to oblivion crushing all hopes to ever aspire to bettering the Harry Redknapp era at White Hart Lane.

The suggestions are the former Chelsea flop, Andre Villas-Boas, will take the job in a futile attempt to improve his own damaged beyond repair career having only previously enjoyed moderate success at Porto. Club captain Ledley King is holding emergency talks currently with the intention to strike once Spurs unveil their new Christian Gross. The supporters are hoping Villas-Boas has enough credit on his Oyster Card to find his way back home from N17 after what many expect to become a disastrous second season in England, one that sends Spurs spiralling back down to midtable.

King (according to our club insiders) will not be offered a new contract and will be kicked out of the club by Villas-Boas as his first act as Spurs boss. The suggestion is Villas-Boas plans to damage King's only working knee to make sure the player retires from the game completley. Also, all squirrels will be hunted down and killed at Tottenham's new training ground because Villas-Boas is pure pure evil and hates anything fluffy and furry. Which doesn't bode will for Tom Huddlestone who will be ordered to shave off his afro (grown for charity) because Villas-Boas is rotten to the core. The sixteen year old Portuguse manager with no experience in the game also enjoys to **** in your bowl of corn-flakes if given the chance.

Spurs fans on Twitter are outraged and are calling for the club to roll back and reappoint club legend Harry Redknapp. One fans claims, "I've never heard of this Villas-Boas" whilst another commented, "He looks like a serial-killer". There are also suggestions that Villas-Boas purposely lost his job at Chelsea to take the Spurs job in order to sabotage the club, with his former employee Roman Abramovich financing the conspiracy. There's no evidence to suggest this but I'm fairly certain it's the truth.

Nico Kranjcar and Vedran Corluka have already deserted the sinking ship and pivotal players dos Santos and the brilliant David Bentley are writing up their transfer requests as we speak.

Regardless, chairman Daniel Levy is pushing ahead with signing players without the consent or knowledge of the new manager, suggesting there is already trouble at the mill. Had Levy retained the services of Redknapp, with the players Harry would have signed, Spurs would have achieved the position Harry would have got at the end of the season against all odds and punching above their weight.

A demonstration is planned later on today by journalists and sports editors.

Hacked

More hacks than a Friday 13th movie

You'd think that with Harry Redknapp's departure the tabloid hacks would welcome the amount of free time he now possesses to grace their pages further with insightful gems on how and why Spurs are about to collapse in on themselves and be relegated as a consequence of our chairman's ruthless (not not so ruthless in reality) actions. But alas, their favourite son appears to be imprisoned like Zod in the Phantom Zone, waiting for escape. So until they are distracted with the continuing adventures of Arry they are chugging away at us like a locomotive heading towards a damsel in distress (in this case Levy in drag tied to the railway tracks).

They (the hacks) are basically perpetuating the full collected edition of Harry Redknapp's deflections and fallacies as they build up the strength to pack a punch at the unlucky sod that dare take the job vacated at the Lane against the wishes of the almighty press gang. They're already bitter about Hodgson. Swing and they'll still probably miss. They're already throwing rabbit punches and striking below the belt.

Our players are apparently gutted that Redknapp has gone yet the same players believed him to be on his way during the FA and England debacle last season. Chelsea players scaring off Spurs players? Yeah, because nobody knows what happened in the dressing room at that club with the old guard sabotaging the efforts of the new man who was given the impossible job of changing things and changing them fast. Spurs are a club that have swagger in abundance when confidence is high, what we lacked was tactical astuteness when it mattered most. Balance and shrewd calculated pragmatism as opposed to confusing selections and kick and hope.

This Week published a short article on Spurs fans being split and referenced this excellent article via The Fighting Cock, only to side step the positive write up on AVB and concentrate more on a single comment by a reader that stated appointing AVB would be like the "second coming" of the much-ridiculed Christian Gross*.

The agenda is an obvious one. We'll have to be thick skinned about it.

*They've now amended the original article to reflect the positive article they linked to.

AVB remains the 'favourite' to be appointed although everyone is getting linked with Spurs supposedly approaching half a dozen targets. I still believe Levy had his contingency planned a while back. Probably the moment the esteemed Redknapp turned down a new Spurs contract to opt for the certainty that was the England job. The very same one Levy priced him out of.

Don't mess with bald men.

Elsewhere...

Euros

Bendtner has been fined and handed a one game suspension after he revealed an unauthorised sponsors logo on his pants during match against Portugal. The fine? 100k. Far more serious crime this than being a racist which will only cost your nation between the region of £25k - £30k.

As for England. We're not very good but yet it's quite fun watching us attempt to score one more goal than the opposition. Expect us to get dicked severely soon.

Modric to Madrid (of La Liga) according to Luka's mate Mate Bilic. Such a good mate they named him Mate just to emphasis how in the know Mate is on his mate Luka. Would be no surprise if he was sold, it's what we're expecting. He's in his prime in terms of selling profit margin potential. The stance was made last season with the Chelsea saga and our refusal to let him go, ironic with the seasons finale. Had we made it into the CL there might be reason for him to stay. Although as discussed countless times before, this is more about the money and wages he can earn (and how much his agent can take in said transfer).

Do I believe the 'deal is close'? Do I believe in the validity of a 'swap deal'? Of course not. More likely the agent has had words to drum up a bit of hype, post- Croatia v Spain match. Until the player is gone, he's a Spurs player, so I'd rather wait on official word. Until then he's a bundle of money to be made by the club just in time to bulk up the incoming managers war chest.

But if you did fancy a cheeky bid...

As for Vertonghen, we've been told 'it's practically done' for the past month. So Expect him to sign any day soon. Any day now. Soon. Literally waiting for the ink to dry. Until then you'll have to entertain yourself with such exciting news as 'Nelsen to QPR'. Hedonistic.

Tottenham expects

And we're back. Back to the football once more. Sort of.

We've got a game that will no doubt be dominated by the vocals of the home support singing the name of Harry Redknapp. It would have been all about the not guilty verdict but it's shifted a little thanks to that little matter of the England job and it's availability. In today's press conference Harry handled himself very well. The media present lapped it all up (the joke about losing the England job before he's even got it went down a storm). That's Harry. Entertaining. Gives them the sound-bites they demand. Whether he can keep everyone onside a year or two into looking after the national side is up for debate. The press, they will always turn on you. Even a favourite will be built up because the sound of the thud made when he falls is too much for them not to crave. Perhaps Harry is the chosen one the media will worship no matter what.

/tumbleweed

Other footnotes from the conference include safe and respectful answers to questions relating to England and that other thing, whatisface...oh yeah, Tottenham Hotspur. The club he's currently contracted with. It's hard to work out exactly what Harry might do next. You would expect him to want the national job but he hinted its something he'd have to consider with his family (managing England can seriously damage your health). He's focused on Spurs he says. Which is what we expect from him until circumstances change. Hopefully if the FA ask for permission then they along with Redknapp agree its best to wait until the summer to make anything official. That way, everyone is content.

We've still got plenty of work to do this season. It would help if something happens quickly either way. I can't be alone in being completely bored of all the (rival) managers and players and their constant approvals for Redknapp for England. This is also quite beneficial to our 'opponents'. Bless their concerned hearts. We need more Chelsea/Utd/City players telling us what the FA should do. I do know they get asked the question by journalists so they are obliged to comment on it. Would still like to see a memo fired out to the ones that frequent Twitter stating they should stick to discussing Nandos than stating the bleeding obvious. Shock horror <insert name of English footballer here> would like Harry as the next manager. Really? How unexpected. Shame no one dared to be more original, if anything just to cause a nice distraction to the mundane. Warnock for England trending would have made my day.

But then that's the nature of the game. Tabloids and Sky will make sure they ask a dozen people for their opinions to continue generating the hype to fuel their 24 hour coverage of an hours worth of news.

I know people say it's akin to tapping up. It's not (not really) but its still amusing how dismissive everyone appears to be of Spurs in all this whilst we are told by various ex-pros and pundits along with current Top Four opponents that the FA just have to give him the job. Don't ever believe that the media perceive us the darlings of the Prem. It's Harry they adore. We just lucked out. The patronising is grating but we're big and bad enough to ignore it, right? We've had to deal with a lot worse down the years.

So, to the football then. Newcastle United at the Lane. No van der Vaart which means no deep moving link-up play with the midfield. This could result with one up front with that one looking more like a zero, all alone and isolated. Perhaps not as extreme as what we witnessed away to Liverpool. However, this being a home game we'll more likely to move the ball with better fluidity and create chances even with a single body working the box. Then we have the return of Aaron Lennon and his probable inclusion giving us complete width from the right to the left. Would be rude to dismiss the shift Niko put in last Monday, so he's in with a shout to retain his place if Harry prefers to introduce Lennon off the bench.

One up front? You've got to fancy a more traditional 442 for this one. We got away with it at Liverpool because of the restraints on selection. We can dare to achieve a little more at the Lane.

It's Newcastle United. They're going to give it a go and they'll be sparky up front, not afraid to attack. So best we look to dominate as the home side should do and keep them busy at the back. Something that will work better if we start with two forwards. Radical stuff.

Defoe is back. So Adebayor will have a partner unless JD isn't quite 100% and Saha is preferred. King should be available (to partner Dawson) but Sandro and Kaboul are doubts. Shame about Sandro as we could do with being very competitive in the midfield (although his inclusion would not quite fit into a 442 - and there's always Livermore for backup). Control the middle and you'll control the game. The onus is on us so we simply can't afford to be bullied.

Effective possession. Something the likes of our two key players are more than capable of doing. Parker patrolling the park and Modric making magic. Got to be confident with that. They've got to be equally pumped up when White Hart Lane will be positively bouncing with energy and noise. I also hate to see Alan Pardew smile.

It's another big game for us. When do we ever involve ourselves with anything less? It's a good time to be Spurs. Harry has done a grand job for us. I remember the start of this season well. The despondency based on the back end of last season and the suggestions that he had taken the side as far as he could. Proved everyone wrong again. He makes a habit of surprising people. If he moves on we'll remain a fantastic proposition for the next man to come in and take the helm. That's still neither here or there for the moment.

All that matters is the next game. Anfield was a test, one that had us display a master-class of grit and defending in containment. On Saturday we have to defend our proud home record by attacking. The lucky ones going will sing their hearts out and we'll endeavour to go marching on.

COYS.

Love the shirt.

Jog on

So just checking in after a Saturday spent off-line and behold the lack of imagination from the press.

Modric is still leaving even after the club stated he would not, under any circumstances, be sold for any price. But still they can't let go, persisting in brokering a deal for him to Chelsea via the back pages. This leads into the 'fact' that Luka's inevitable guaranteed departure means that Gareth Bale will follow him like a rat deserting a sinking ship. 

One season in the bright lights obviously all we're allowed, so dismantle Tottenham they will this summer.

If that isn't enough (and it's obviously not) further fabrication is added to the mix with yet another repeat show (Lennon to Liverpool) and some still persist with the 'rumours' that Sandro will be moved on after a single season at Spurs for a measly £12M.

Patiently waiting for Darren Lewis to share with us another quote from five years ago.

Give it a rest you insufferable *****. Your relentless hard-on for us is an embarrassment.

We are here to stay. Deal with it.

Which newspapers are ITK?

Found this over on Glory Glory. If anyone knows the source of this information, please share so I can credit (and also confirm audit time frame).

Pretty certain other 'transfer' websites that fall outside the category of tabloids/broadsheets have equally low accuracy percentages. Not that we'd expect anyone to have high prediction rates. It's not a case of pointing out how wrong they are most of the time rather the quantity of articles and transfer stories produced for the sake of hype. If the media only published fact on potential transfers they'd never print anything. You have to accept a hit consisting of insider scoured gossip, agent talk and destabilising conjecture.

The below simply illustrates just how far certain publications will go and how little even our friends in the media know. Proving that in most cases, you only know of a transfer as it progresses through the stage of contract talks and medicals...because the club/agent/player has allowed said info to be released into the wild.

Average number of articles posted per day:

The top 10 most rumoured clubs for transfers (what a shocker):

1. Tottenham
2. Arsenal
3. Birmingham
4. Man Utd
5. West Ham
6. Udinese
7. Man City
8. Barcelona
9. Lille
10. Villa

Top of the league.

Update on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 2:57PM by spooky

Found the source: FootballTransferLeague co.uk.

Interesting footnote:

Figures are based on all rumours we have that have been resolved (player has transfered or signed a new contract). FTL rumour data goes back to the start of summer 2006 transfer window.

'The Glory days are back'

Sky Sports News, you've done it again.

Give it a rest with all the ‘Spurs for the top 4’ nonsense please. Picking out a couple of simpletons and enticing them to talk about ‘the glory days’ just because we’ve won two games on the trot is not a representative of the majority. Prior to the start of the season, most of the media and pundits had as for 6th at best. Fans agreed. Six points later you’re showing a Spurs shirt with ‘Top 4’ printed on the back (did you offer to pay for that?) and interviewing two giddy over excitable supporters who probably have ancestry you can trace all the way back to a Newcastle mental institution. What next? Cameras outside of Harry’s house with four or five Spurs fans gleefully jumping up and down behind a reporter holding up a cupboard cut out Premier League trophy? Daniel Levy to commission a new special release entitled, ‘The Glory Days are Back – 2 games, 1 DVD’? Chas'n'Dave to release a new track with the lyric, 'We're gonna do it again like last week'?

I guess with no repeat performance of last year’s debacle, and thus no Soccer Saturday punditry mock of the week to entertain the SSN viewers, you’re taking the tactic of building us up so that any fall would appear to be bigger than it is so you push Charlie Nicholas in front of a camera to slate all of the deluded Lilywhites who all believed we were Top 4 material after two games. Are you chaps so insecure about the Premier Leagues status as 'the best in the world' that every game and performance has to appear to mean more than it actually does? Wait until we've won 12 on the spin, then you can wet your knickers to your hearts content.

Shame for all the countless clips of fans saying '6th at best' ending up on the edit room floor. Not newsworthy. No potential for a sound-bite there. Realistic fans on SSN? Doesn't fit the narrative does it?

As for the lady who claimed ‘It’s great to see the glory years come back’ who has apparently supported us since 1977, how much acid did you drop you absolute belting melter? Get a grip ffs. And if I see anyone wearing a Spurs shirt with ‘Top 4’ on the back, I’m going to pelt you with frozen monkey shit pellets.

We all know how the media work. Pick out the weak moronic ones, prime them up with questions and force them to say the most sensationalist comment possible, edit it to fuck, and run it every 20 minutes. I guess if some fans want to over-react wearing ridiculous smiles on their faces, it's better than what we had at the start of last season with all the insufferable crying about relegation and the Keystone Kop comparisons. Fans moping around with sickles and hooded cloaks. Depressing stuff. And from one extreme to another. You never fail to let us down.

How about running a story with more substance? It's staggering that nobody has picked up on Chirpy's drinking problem. He's the Amy Winehouse of mascots. A mess who spends most of his time getting shit-faced in Faces Gants Hill, and then staggering around WHL on match-day hugging and harassing people. Can nobody smell the alcoholic stink on his breath?

Anyway, I'm off to have 'Champions League Treble winners, 2011 - 2012 - 2013' tattooed on my back.

GTFI COYS.