Bentley you're my zero....I mean hero...

Morning all. The DML Awards continue...

Player of the Season

It’s like something out of a comic book or the tv show Heroes. The main protagonist has lost his powers and is disillusioned and alone. Past glories a distant memory, doubts lingering as to whether he'll be able to regain his talent. And then a new beacon of hope takes centre stage and surely now the day is lost. But alas, this new dashing superman is more zero than hero. And with the centre stage empty again, our protagonist decides its now or never and reaches out for the bright lights, reclaiming that which was his all along. A star is re-born.

The menacing pace. The unplayable jinking runs. It's suddenly clear to all that his full abilities have returned.

Aaron Lennon is back.

With intent and purpose. And with improved end product and an eye for goal. Whether its on the right or left or through the middle, ball at feet, he causes havoc and is altogether a different type of creative outlet than the more subtle craftwork of the cultured Modric. Aaron is far more in your face and then in front of your face and then about five metres ahead of your face. Counter-attacking has never been so much fun.

Harry still has work to do with developing the lads composure and decision making and there is no doubt he has to improve his final ball - but the signs that progression has been made are there for all to see.

He is the player of the season for us simply because he has epitomised the type of determination that has pulled us out of the mire and up the table. Where the £15M Bentley has stalled, Lennon has raced away. Confident and assured. Always threatening. Bums constantly off seats, when he's full pelt.

We have been here before with Lennon. Last time out he failed to live up to the hype. He now has to do just that otherwise it's not just him that will suffer the consequences.

Goal of the Season

Sit down, buckle up. Because you're about to read something that would constitute positively in the way of David Bentley. The goal - the opening goal - in the thrilling 4-4 derby day classic at the Emirates was one of ridiculous audacity. It's one of those attempts that hits the back of the net because destiny will not allow otherwise. There's no way its not going to be a goal. The flick and the hit and the second before it happened is where this beauty of a strike was birthed. As the ball was bouncing around on peoples heads in the middle of the park and found its way towards Bentley, what raced through his mind?

"I'll have a crack. If it goes in, it goes in"
"He's off his line, I could lob the ball over him"

I prefer to believe nothing much went through his head. Which arguably most would agree is the standard brain activity of most footballers.

Bentley instinctively shot towards goal because in that moment he knew he could score. You've done it yourself I'm sure. Goal of your life on the Hackney Marshes when you've chested it, controlled and hit it and next thing you know its breaking the back of the net and you wheel off in celebration asking yourself, 'how the heck did I just do that?'

The moment Bentley thought about doing it is the moment he scored. Before the ball even left his foot. It was a majestic wonderful moment. And sweet for the fact that he once played for them lot and is always prone to a bit of abuse from their home support.

If he never plays for us again, at least he left us with the memory of a goal that left all that witnessed it gob smacked.

More to follow...

Spurs 1 WBA 0 - Another one-nil, another three points

What a pulsating 45 minutes. Exhilarating stuff. Had me on the edge of my seat, salivating. I was truly memorised. But enough about my journey home from the game sat opposite a gorgeous twenty-something brunette with eyes that would melt the heavens. A couple of hours earlier I found myself witnessing a frustrating afternoon’s football in our penultimate home game of the season.

It was an awkward, average, lacklustre performance. Little movement, plenty of backs to the ball moments. But still good enough to see off WBA who for all their attempted efforts to play tidy looking football lacked any punch and only had chances when we were more than inclined to allow them to bypass our defence. They did come close to scoring on more than one occassion. Thankfully Gomes (and the woodwork) was on top form to help us to a 6^th successive home clean sheet (boring or what?).

This is the type of game (against a club fighting for its top flight life) that could have been tricky and although we were not exactly on-song, we were not exactly under any real prolonged threat. Team cohesion was a mess at the best of times. But to win, 1-0, and not play great is something I will quite happily take. Although during the course of the game I did find myself momentarily infected by the despondency and knee-jerking that was spreading around WHL faster than swine flu in a Mexican pig farm. Shame on me.

Pav started up front with Robbie Keane and it seems that with Darren Bent out and possibly on his way out, we have a new recruit to the School of the Much Maligned. In parts, he did ok. Not £14M’s worth of ok. But still ok. He holds up the ball, shields it and lays it off very well. Perfect foil for a player of Defoe’s ilk. It’s a shame JD was on the bench for most of it.

Pav does still struggle when he has time and has to aim and shoot at goal. As the chap next to me (he's a paragon of soundbites which I'm happy to plagiarise) pointed out - why does Jenas not have a crack anymore when it comes to free-kicks? We all know it’s one of the things he’s pretty useful at. Pav’s effort was poor considering the gap in the wall that was begging for a toe-poke thunderbolt. Our Russian star also had another effort ballooned over. But at least he gave it a go and I know we are all hoping that the excuses concerning the fact he is rusty/injured/tired prove to be the case when we see a fully refreshed Roman blitz the Prem next season.

Robbie Keane on the other hand needs to spend 90 minutes on the bench as he’s lost a little fire from the belly. Although kudos to his undeniable method-acting abilities, showed off when an awful first touch saw the ball leave the field of play by about 5 inches but still we all had to endure Robbie giving us all a confused look, surveying all before him pondering how and why the throw was given to the opposition. Marvellous disassociation.

Did you hear the booing when Roman was subbed late on for Defoe and the follow-up song in support of the Russian? Seems one or two would have preferred to see Robbie Keane taken off. Moody atmosphere all round today, with loads of complaints and shrugs of disappointment. We had below par performances from some of the players, but ffs, get a grip. It happens.

Talking of which, Keano was out done by a virtuoso humdinger by Corluka who at one point in the second half seemed to waddle* forward like an escapee from a fat farm. Damn it, I just can’t help being hypocritical. I’m conflicted. Still, he did charge forward in the first half, laying off a pass that Jenas lapped up for our goal. And that's all that matters, right?

Out of interest, feel free to contact me if you have a clue why Pascal Chimbonda was re-signed. Honestly, if you have photographic evidence that he’s actually still in the country I’m willing to pay a tidy sum for it. Someone emailed me a photo of a man in a bar in Goa who might or might not be Pascal. Need something more conclusive tbh.

Another player who had an off-day was BAE. Ok, that’s unfair. He recovered after a shabby first half, but not to the standard he’s spoilt us with in recent months. Not quite an off-day, more like a half-day. But it’s all forgivable because it was against a WBA who really had to win and give it their all. We let them push forward with intent too often. And it didn't help that our players got in each other’s way (almost colliding on occasions), but we created enough chances to win the game by a far greater margin. But like most home games in recent months, 1-0 will do.

I would have much preferred us to swagger and swoon around the pitch giving the fans and our special guests (Mackay, Jones, Smith and co) something to crow about at the final whistle. It’s forgivable because if it was a quality side we might have suffered. But then against quality sides we tend to up the tempo by default.

Even so the game did have its moments and there were some great touches and moments of vision, just not polished enough with the final ball. Modric was (rub your eyes and scratch your head!) a little off-key with some of his passing, but was still one of our better players. Lennon was menacing. Once (if) he gets his composure sorted in front of goal, he’s going to be some player. I hope the club can see the potential in Aaron and goal-scoring. He could easily get us 15 or more if he learns when to shoot and where to aim. He can score, we’ve seen him place some wonderful shots, but he seems to suffer a little when he has to much time to think about where exactly he needs to place the ball.

Well done to that man Gomes and his reflexes. Couple of belting saves. Worst keeper in the Prem ever, hey Hansen?

Palacios was the man though, blink and you see him on the right, blink again and he's over on the left. He was practically everywhere, biting and niggling away, winning tackles. He showed the type of tenacity the rest of the side should have had. Wilson also knows when to commit yellow-card fouls that benefit the team, although it’s a dangerous game to play. But I’m not complaining. No really, three points another clean sheet. I’ll take this for now as we continue to push forward after half a season spent walking backwards.

The goal that won it was the first effort that was placed with precision and pace towards goal. JJ the man of the moment. JD also scored in the second half, but it was deemed offside. Which it wasn’t. Which was a shame.

As for Jenas, it was another one of those Marmite days out for him. He's still a curious conundrum that remains unsolved.

WBA now look doomed. And with City (superior goal difference) and West Ham winning, and Wigan and Fulham still in the mix – I don’t think 7^th will happen based on the final three games of the season. Think West Ham will make it. We’ll have to all move to Mars if that happen.

/rolls eyes so hard they pop out of my head.

Additional: My Spurs/Barca double won through. What a game at the Bernabeu. Madrid spanked out of the title race by a stunning away day decimation from the Catalans. Liquid football.

*Stolen from the chap who stands next to me

Spurs Soccer Wednesday – midweek round-up

The aftermath of a West Ham game is always (usually) a joy. If I applied myself I could probably write up a dissertation on the complexities of opposing football fan rivalry. Especially the one that exists between Spurs and the Hammers. We claim the game is their Cup final and that they are obsessed with us. They claim that we are so self-important that we believe in the misconception that we think they are obsessed with us. I’m not going to go down this road again as it’s long been drowned in a sea of stereotypes. But will note it’s nice to listen to all their excuses including the gem about not having the luxury of removing a £16M forward and replacing him with a £14M international. Shame on us.

Talking of widely expensive players, remember David Bentley? Scored a brace for the reserves against Arsenal the other night. Perhaps we need to replace goals with skips for when he runs out for the first team?

As for goals, Pavlychenko has had to wait patiently for an opportunity in recent games, coming off the bench to score the winner against the Irons. Fighting talk from the Russian (in Russian) about self belief and getting himself back into the fold. Pav’s interpreter still apparently runs up and down the sidelines barking out translations. Harry, not missing a trick, told the press he (the interpreter) even scored a goal in training. That Redknapp cracks me up. I know if an English player moved to Russia he’d perhaps struggle to learn Russian, but no doubt he’d muddle through thanks to the fact that English is used so widely the world over. If he still can’t speak it at the start of next season, or at least speak enough to get him by, then sympathy will be non-existent from me. Pav, Keane, Defoe with an additional ‘young player’ as the 4th option (with Bent sold) will do the trick. But I get this nagging feeling that if Sunderland go down, Jones will sign which means Pav will be moved on. Just a feeling. Can't see Harry 'not tinkering' here and there.

One player going nowhere is Aaron Lennon. Congratulations to the lad for being nominated for PFA Young Player of the Year. He’s up against Agbonglahor, Evans, Ireland, Rafael and Young. Has a decent chance IMO, but reckon Young or Ireland will get the nod. Aaron and Spurs are at the same cross-road they found themselves at a couple of years back. Not quite a flat tire this time round, just stalled. Harry has talked about the stagnation of Lennon’s progress and that previous coaches have failed to develop him. He's taking the credit for it but improving end product has to be the continuing priority along with some additional smarts, like telling him to run into midfield and attack centrally when he finds himself isolated or trapped out on the wing. There is still plenty of work to be done. I’m not concerned too much by his drop of form. It’s been a long season and he’s been fairly consistent. He’s bound to tire out at some point.

Next.

Two points, eight games.

Cough.

Huddlestone has been linked to a move away from the club. Again. I touched on this in the match report for the West Ham game. Prior to that game Harry was telling everyone that Tom is a decent player and blah blah blah. Tom then starts the game and after the victory dust settles we are treated to countless reports that Tom ‘might need to look elsewhere for first team football’. An almost perfectly orchestrated transfer shop window advert. Fulham was one club I heard linked in the midst of the tabloid tatter. Probably wouldn’t be that bad of a move for him. He needs a club that will accommodate his strengths and compensate for his weakness. In other words, build a team around him. He needs to be loved.

Which brings me onto Jamie O’Hara. Jamie, Jamie, Jaime. Tut tut tut. Is he the 5th or 6th professional footballer that Danielle Lloyd has now bagged? Is there a shortage of women in the capital? Do footballers always opt for high maintance reality tv celebs for girlfriends because nice ordinary girls next door simply wouldn’t venture out to Faces or China White? Defoe has already been there. I guess Lloyd’s pocket-money from O’Hara won’t be as substantial as what JD could offer but she’s keeping it in the family, so no need to fret where the next Gucci shopping trip will come from. I’m guessing the cash she gets from posing for Nuts Magazine only covers the Jimmy Choo bill.

That’s it for the moment. Thanks for your patience, the blog has gone through some transformations over the Easter weekend. Apparently some of you prefer the old blue background and white text over the all white background. I reckon you’ll get use to it. I will however play around with the colours and see if a blue background works just as well on this template as it did on the previous host.

Ta.

Back to Reality.......3 points at Blackburn please

I'm excited, are you excited? Premier League football is back and we don't have to wait as long as others thanks to Saturdays 12:45 kick-off. I'll be tucking into my breakfast around that time. Mug of tea in one hand and face stuffed with egg, bacon and toast. The good life. Andy Gray commentating would complete me.

I don't miss Blackburn away. Always found myself travelling up there by car, which as some of you may know is a hideously long journey. Especially for a 0-0. I'm a Sky Sports man tomorrow (it's part of the contract when selling your soul to the devil).

Palacios a main concern for the away trip, jet-lag being the likely reason if he's not present in the starting line-up. He played a part in Honduras 3-1 win over Mexico that saw the end of Sven. No team news just yet, so I can't confirm whether England International Darren Ashley Bent will be fit and available for selection.

Win this and any lingering concerns of relegation will be banished. I'll be shaking my booty in celebration. 41 points is safety territory. My hips don't lie. We can probably start to salivate at the possibility of a 7th spot finish. We've picked up points some cheeky points when not expected to do so. All I'm requesting from Harry and the players is to not lose any points where we are expected to pick them up. It's a test. One that needs passing.

Elsewhere, congratulations to Aaron Lennon for claiming the PFA player of the month award. Well deserved. Even if some of the lazy journalists who prioritise completing a match report in time for a deadline and base their analysis on generalisations and sound bites (rather than actually watching the game) don't quite rate his rate of improvement. At international level at least. I read one or two references to 'end-product' or lack of. Really? Sure, he has a habit of fizzing the ball when on occasions cutting back and playing it 'inside' would be preferable. But the boy done good against the Ukraine. When his team-mates decided to give him the ball. Criticism was best left for the ones who deserved it. Johnson and Cole come to mind.

Be afraid...be very afraid

Don't usually talk about other clubs, but everyone has an opinion on Newcastle United. Bit of a gutless move this by Shearer. An exercise in inflating ones ego. If Newcastle stay up, he'll be a hero and might well walk away from it (he's claiming he is there for 8 games only) as the inspired legend of the club saving them from the hellmouth of Championship football. If they do go down it wont be because of him. He'll have done his best and at least galvanised the crowd in the short term.

The Newcastle board should have appointed someone far earlier or Shearer should have stepped up after JK went into hospital. Or would that have meant far too many games for Shearer and the possibility of actually being responsible if his team were relegated?

Imagine Shearer on MotD next season having 'saved' Newcastle from the drop? The smugness will be unbearable. He'll be able to give us insight on other managers experiencing problems at their clubs, because 'he's been in the dressing room from the perspective of first team coach'.

That's why our priority this season should simply be this: Thrash Newcastle United at the Lane and save our Match of the Day as a consequence.

The Magnificent Moddle: The little man on the left

Deconstructing the Tottenham midfield conundrum - Part VI

Magic Mullet

So here we are, at journeys end. Although it's more of a beginning than a conclusion as the Spurs midfield is bound to go through another change or two cometh the summer months and the usual giddy transfer shenanigans that we never seem to go without. No knee-jerking please Mr Levy.

From Part 1 through to Part V - I looked at the current set of central midfielders at the club and attempted to dissect the conundrum: Who should sit in the middle?

Palacios is the only 100% certainty. Jenas the current preferred choice alongside him. Which leaves Zokora, Huddlestone and O'Hara on the bench. Taarabt, on loan at Q.P.R., is a player who I would like to see ahead of all the three just mentioned in a creative capacity from next season.

So Palacios remains the anchor in midfield. The player tasked to do the dirty work, get the tackles in, protect the back four and allow other players the freedom of expression. He gives us some much needed breathing space and confidence in that other players don't have to worry too much if they happen to lose the ball in an offensive position as Wilson will be there to fix it. A defensive/holding midfielder is one that's been lacking for a while. Zokora simply doesn't excel in the acquired abilities needed to boss the midfield. Great athlete, limp footballing brain. Wilson does not have the passing range of a Carrick, but although both have similar responsibilities - both go about their business with completely different methods. In fact, they are nothing alike. But either system works. I will try to avoid going over old ground, so feel free to read up on the previous parts for a more detailed analysis on specific players and their attributes.

What has to be asked is who gets paired up with Wilson in central midfield? It's a simple answer to the final question of this series, but one with some minor complications. Here's why the conundrum isn't quite solved just yet:

We do not have an out-and-out left-winger.

We haven't had one for an age. Ironic that we've struggled to sign players for these two key positions (DM being the other) or simply got it wrong with the players we did sign. We've failed to find the right player for the left. And then we go out and buy a right player (David Bentley for £15M ) when we've already got Aaron Lennon - plain ridiculous - more so when Aaron retained his right-wing place and Bentley was slotted out on the left - which didn't help his already fragile confidence. Only Spurs, eh?

So with Wilson in the middle, with the players available, the best option (which Harry finds agreeable) is to have Jermaine Jenas partner him and play Luka Modric on the left.

I've not discussed Modric in detail yet during the course of this series. Best to leave the jewel of the crown till the end, and as we're at the end, here goes...

Modric, ideally, would prefer to play in the middle of the park with Palacios. It's a more natural position for him to be central. Add to the mix a defensive/offensive combination with Lennon out on the right and XXXXX (please God, not Downing) on the left and the balance would be unquestionable in comparison to some of the sides we've put out over the past couple of seasons. But as we do not have a left-winger, and we can't say for sure if we will be purchasing one (although if Boro go down, expect IT to happen) the logical option would be to have Modric out on the left-hand side. He is more than capable there.

What this does is change is the dynamic of the midfield in comparison to how it would work if Modric was in the middle of the park with Wilson - which is what most want to see. Having Jenas out on the left as an alternative? Hush. So the dynamics? Let me explain...

Palacios remains the anchor, but having Jenas in the middle gives us a player with an abundance of energy who can run box to box and defend and attack. It's almost a ying to a yang. One player inhales (Wilson) the other exhales (JJ). The role of Jenas is adaptable depending on the tempo of the game. In an ideal world its perfect, but we know that Jenas is erratic and lacks self-belief to turn potential to product. But for now - out of all the options we have for that position, its best to have JJ there.

The other options, you'd shrug at in a second.

Zokora in the middle with Palacios? That would be like having a litter-bug following a road-sweeper around.
Huddlestone? Wilson would need to clone himself to help compensate for Toms weaknesses.
O'Hara? Nope. Decent late sub for a couple of positions, but not an option alongside Wilson.

So, Jenas it is. Which means Modric - who isn't a natural left-winger - can (still) play on the left but with the twist of drifting in and dictating play. Jenas, adapting to the game at hand, will work with Palacios to make sure the midfield is protected and the opposition hassled while Modric drifts in and does what he does best. Play incisive balls, create and orchestrate. At times this requires JJ to be instinctive in his responsibility for the team. Allow me to place my fantasy-hat on my head. Now, take JJ out of the equation and imagine Essien alongside Palacios. Or Gerrard. Imagine the difference and impact this would have? Fantasy-hat off, the reality is somewhat rooted to the ground rather than floating up in the sky. JJ is neither one or the other but on form, he has enough about him to cover the ground and participate rather than be a passenger. He has a chance to really shine now, before the summer arrives and decisions are made. For now he is the best player we have who can support Wilson in the current midfield set-up.

What does this mean for the team, and in particular Luka? In essence, Palacios and Jenas are there to make sure Modric has the freedom to play football. It's a pretty simplistic viewpoint I know. A generalisation based on the fact that Luka is out on the left and has far too much talent to be stuck there - and the emphasis has to be to get the little Croatian involved as much as possible, on his terms. If the middle two do their job well, then it will snow rainbows. If it doesn't, expect a heavy downpour of misery. Which is why Jenas is perceived as the weak link. Stronger player, and we wouldn't worry so much,

If Jenas excels, maybe we won't look to change the system and purchase a left-winger. Maybe drifting in from the left will suit Luka in the long run. But its doubtful. The little man can handle himself just fine so sitting in the middle of the park and getting stuck in won't be too much of an issue for him. He took time to adjust to the English game, not helped by our woeful form and lack of structure. And he'll improve further in a consistent winning side (something Harry has began to flirt with in recent games). A base of operations is far more prominent from the centre than out on the wing. Although it's in no way a disadvantage. It's not quite a free-role in the purest sense of the term, but it's tricky for the opposition to mark a player who darts and dinks inwards.

Modric is showing glimpses of form that warms the cockles. A little bit of Ossie, a little bit of Hoddle. In truth its just a little bit of flair and creative output we love down at the Lane. It's an imperative ingredient for any team that displays comfort when unlocking the oppositions defence. Luka has a skeleton key.

Berbatov gave us that something special before he moved to pastures new to look after orphaned squirrels, and Keane can provide sparks - but we have needed a constant pipeline of passing for some time and in Luka we have that. Whether its down the middle or on the left-hand side - he can provide the magic.

Luka has vision, great touch, superb passing ability and can score the odd goal (not enough, but I expect him to hit the back of the net more often from next season). All the 'he's too weak for the Prem' nonsense was exactly that. He has fight in him. Might not look like he does, but he does.

Obviously the problem we might have is when Modric or Palacios or the both of them do not play. Which is why it's important that Adel Taarabt's development is made a priority. Harry called him a genius, and I'm holding out he was talking about football and not a reference to comedy. Zokora and O'Hara will have to do in any possible absence of Wilson from the starting line-up. Bostock is a couple of seasons away from the first team (at a guess).

So as things stand - Wilson and Luka are dead certs for the starting eleven. Jenas third in line. Three 'central' midfielders then. And Lennon guaranteed the freedom of the right-side of midfield (where this leaves Bentley, other than sitting on the bench, is up for debate).

The Fab Four. Modric Palacios Jenas Lennon.

Might seem unbalanced but its far from being so. It's not perfect, but it works. It works because the players play for each other. Everyone has a responsibility. It's a unit.

What happens next is dependent on who slaps in a transfer request in the summer and what we do to replace them? We have some useful kids in the academy and reserves. Do some of them get promoted early? Or do we look for more experienced players to come in to play back-up? We'd need to, if say Huddlestone and Zokora go. Jenas might walk if we draft in another central midfielder. And if that happens, then Luka and leftism will have to rule supreme.

Whatever Harry decides it has to be strategic, tactical. It has to either provide depth to the squad or improve the midfield. We have a tradition of just buying players without a thought-process behind what that player will do to the equilibrium of the side. Just to reiterate, the only two positions that should be considered for evaluation is where Modric and Jenas play.

Either both stay where they are and we sign squad players or we shift Modric into the middle and purchase ourselves a left-winger. Or we keep Luka on the left and buy us a more complete and established all-round central midfielder to partner Palacios.

So the conundrum has evolved a little, but remains with us. The question that now requires answering is simply.............Do we need a left-winger?

The Magnificent Seven - Part I

The Curious Case of Jermaine Jenas - Part II

The Incredible Huddlestone - Part III

Palacios answers the question: "Yes he can" - Part IV

The Lilywhites on the outside looking in - Part V

Things to get you through a weekend without Tottenham

Does the International break bore you?

England are playing this weekend. Am I the only person who finds it all a bit of a bore when there are no Tottenham games to go to or watch on TV? Don't get me wrong, I'm as patriotic as the next fan...but only for qualifying games and tournaments (when we actually manage to get there).

Friendlies never get my juices flowing. If I can't shout, scream and generally have my emotions soar, dip and ripped apart then it's not really football. Something needs to be at risk. And I don't find pride is when its just a warm-up match. Even if it's in preparation for an important game (next Wednesday) against the Ukraine. Saturday's (against Slovakia) still a friendly. A glorified training session.

Yes I know, Aaron Lennon might play, and if he does well he might (just might) make an appearance next week. Although if you take a quick look at the Beckham feature article on the BBC site you'll note that he has every chance (Becks that is) of playing as Walcott and SWP are not in the squad.

Cough? Forgotten someone perhaps?

And with the debate about whether King should have or should not have been called up by Fabio dragging on and on (you honestly think 'arry isn't going to talk about it some more?), I can't help but look ahead to our next Prem game against Blackburn. Proper bread and butter football.

I don't have Setanta at home and the local pub that shows live games is usually full of West Ham fans who will no doubt be out in numbers carrying around replicas of the Jules Rimet and banging on about '66 and celebrating in the streets that they invented modern day football.

I'd rather avoid it all tbh. But will definitely make the effort for the Ukraine game. For sure.

So to get me through Saturday, I've devised a list of potential activities to help me avoid the overwhelming boredom that would otherwise consume me. Feel free to suggest your own.

1) Work out the points accumulated in the opening eight games under Ramos and then calculate the points accumulated by Harry Redknapp from the time of his appointment till the present day and based on Harry's points to games ratio, work out where we would be had he been manager at the start of the season. Then device a What If Premier League table that will have us within touching distance of a Champions League place and then work out whether we can claim 4th spot based on our remaining fixtures and who we would need to buy in the summer to help consolidate the challenge domestically and in Europe. Then post all my findings and analysis on a Tottenham message board and watch it grow to 100 pages in a day with around 3000 replies. Just for kicks.

2) Throw eggs at the home of the person who wears the current Chirpy mascot outfit at home games. WE DON'T LIKE YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I want the original Chirpy back. The one that doesn't look he's possessed by a demon with a smug Adam Sandler complex.

3) Watch my Sky+ recording of the Arsenal v Spurs 4-4, replaying the final 10 minutes several times to catch the various reactions of the Spurs players and the fans - specifically at the point before and after Lennon equalizes. Then using my TV capture card, create a montage video of the glorious evening with Tina Turners 'Simply the Best' as the soundtrack. Then upload to Facebook and Youtube and then update Twitter every 5 minutes, linking to the video, and posting inane hilarity about how busy the London Underground was this morning and what I had for lunch.

4) Begin legal proceedings to sue West Ham United. The other day I had what I can only assume was a very dodgy lasagna which blatantly gave me the runs and a chronic gut. This resulted in a Vietnamesque flashback in a packed shopping centre - ala Sgt. Elias - falling to my knees, hands aloft, screaming in agony at the returning realisation of how close we came to a dream qualification into the elite of European football. A dream destroyed by a Benayoun top corner finish.

As nobody was ever charged or held accountable for poisoning the Spurs team, and as West Ham were the opposition that day and inflicted the defeat on a side ravaged by ill health, they remain the only ones responsible for my emotional upheaval that resurfaced in such an undignified and public way.

I'm after a reasonable pay-out. Equivalent to what Spurs lost in Champions League revenue. That should cover the trauma and rehabilitation.

5) Walk up to random strangers and state '2 points, 8 games'. The message must be spread to the non-believers.

6) Go round my parents for lunch and refuse to sit down on the sofa. If my dad manages to talk me into sitting down because I'm making everyone feel uncomfortable, I will do so. Then wait until he walks away, then stand up and burst into song: 'Stand up if you love mums cooking, stand up......'.

7) Travel up to Manchester, sneak into Dimitar Berbatov's back garden and then use my state-of-the-art tranquilizer gun to shoot all the squirrels in the vicinity. Who you gonna feed now, Berba? Hey? Who you gonna feed now?

8) Watch my Sky+ recording of the Spurs v Chelsea 1-0. Then using my TV capture card, create a montage video of Modric and his performance, to the music of 'Diamond Lights'. In addition, morph highlights of Moddle into highlights of Hoddle, subtly suggesting that Modric is the new King of the Lane. Then upload to Facebook and Youtube and then update Twitter every 5 minutes to make sure people are fully aware that I'm 'online', either sat in front of a pc or texting updates via my mobile phone.

9) Search through all Bit Torrent sites and Newsgroups for a soft copy version of the Tottenham Hotspur Opus. Come on! Surely someone must have scanned this and uploaded it to the internet? You can find practically anything on-line. Whether it's DC or Marvel comics, books, novels, screenplays, about a million PDF's and random user-guides, every piece of software, music, pornography and movie you can possibly imagine......but no bleeding Opus? Further proof that nobody has actually bought a copy, because if let's say 10 people purchased one, at least one of them would have shared this with the www. It's 2009 ffs. People don't even bother buying Playboy anymore, they just wait for some else to scan and upload it. So I'm told.

10) Stand near the living room window, and pretend I've got Setanta by booing every few minutes. People walking past will assume Ashley Cole is playing shit. And this will bring much joy to the world.

Ledley will always be our King

I'm a bit bored at the moment. There's a slight lull in stories worthy of commentary. Other than maybe the news that Ledley King could play in the remaining 10 fixtures for Spurs. According to our oracle of football, Harry Redknapp. This following on from the recent lack of contract talks that won't be taking place just yet between club and player.

King (with Spurs no longer having midweek games to concern themselves with) can now look forward to Ledders being available once per week with plenty of recovery time in-between. As long as the old knee doesn't give way. Is he prolonging the inevitable? Is he sustaining long term permanent damage to his knees every time he plays for us? How long will he persist with this? Equally important to ask whether Spurs will have to make a decision on King's future based on his availability. You can't build a defence around a part-time player. But when the player is this good, do you allow for a concession? Heart says yes. So does the head, but more so the heart.

As for the potential of a new contract, that really depends on whether this is it for the rest of his career. This being 'play when injected with magic' but only half the time and never twice in a week. It's sad. A fully fit Ledley King would be a fully fledged England international. And probably a Man Utd player. But theres no doubt he'd be a defender at the top of his game with countless clubs courting him - in a world with no knee trouble. He's still capable of exceptional performances for us - but still in a part-time capacity. Which is why we are probably not reading a Daniel Levy club announcement justifying a £25M transfer of King to Old Trafford.

What we have instead is a loyal committed servant who gets wrapped up in cotton wool more often than running out in Lilywhite. As long as he is not aggravating his knee problems with the injections and continuing to play professional football then I'm happy to have him at the club and the club should make sure he remains there till he hangs his boots up. I hope there is not a single ounce of truth that doctors advised him to quit or risk serious damage.

Also, I'm not suggesting Ledley is still with us only because of his injury plight. The bloke is no Sol Campbell. Ledley is honest and loves the club. He wants to be at White Hart Lane and in the past possibly could have flirted with a Champions League club if he wanted to. But if he was 110%, he'd be tested, along with the chairman. That's a sure thing. But he'd never walk the way Judas did. Personally hope he does start the big big away games we have at Villa, Everton, Man Utd and Liverpool. Dawson is a fine understudy to have on current form. I'm still staggered by the fact that King never trains.

Elsewhere, there was a perfect example of printed bullshit in the Sunday papers that had David Bentley linked with a move to Aston Villa. He would 'relish the move' apparently. No actual quote or suggestion that any part of the article was based on fact or actual player/club opinion. The usual standard of reporting from the weekend tabloids.

Bentley has been nothing short of disastrous since signing for us. No form at all. Not even 5% of what he showed at Blackburn. He has struggled monumentally to fit in and perform consistently. Yes, he is over-rated. He isn't the next David Beckham. He obviously believes he is far better than he is and therefore attempts to play like he's word class from distorted memories and what he thinks people expect to see of a superstar rather than just play a simple and productive game. Such is the power of confidence (and the decimation of it) that he can't even achieve the basics that came easy to him prior to his move.

As much maligned as he is and regardless of whether he is or isn't worth £15M or so, he does have ability and he can do a job for us. Personal problems aside, he has to stop feeling sorry for himself. The groans and frustrations from home fans will be replaced with cheers and applause the moment he gets stuck in and doesn't try so damn hard to be something he is not.

Bentley is a good player. Not a great one. It's not lost on us that he 'loves the club' (he does, he said so) and wants to be successful at Spurs. He seems genuine enough, but it's inconsequential to what's produced on the pitch if his head is in the clouds. If he wants to succeed he has to believe it.

One bright thing the arrival of Bentley has achieved is the resurgence of Lennon's form. Having both players on top form would mean competitiveness within the squad, inspiring players to excel. Something we've lacked in abundance so often in the past. Not that Aaron needs to look over his shoulders at the moment.

Ding dong, Spurs are on song

Smoggie, Tranporter Bridge, James Cook, Paul Daniels, drug dealers, Roy Chubby Brown, youths with no front teeth, town not a city, the Parmo, Chris Rea - can you hear me, Chris Rea! Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took one hell of beating!

Four goals. Clean sheet. Some more than decent passing and movement. Lennon (still) on fire. Modric pulling the strings. Keane off the mark. Pulling away from the drop zone. Three wins from a UEFA Cup spot. Knighthood on the cards for Redknapp. Opus available for £19.99 at the club shop. Bent playing down the middle of the pitch. Daniel Levy retires from football.

Ok, getting a little carried away. Back to reality.

4-0 win. Excellent response from the players. With so many games sandwiched together this past 2 weeks, Boro (much like Sunderland on Saturday) probably fancied their chances against a half-tired Spurs team welcoming back the 'rested' Keane and Palacios (Woody also declared fit for duty). Even though Boro started brightly anytime Lennon got hold of the ball and whizzed forward you sensed we'd be scoring goals and it was simply a case of how many based on how many we would concede in order to come out on top, because we are bound to concede, right? Well no, wrong.

Tuncay had opportunities and a disallowed goal. Downing, very early on, gave it a go to no avail. It was soon apparent that Boro's victory over Liverpool had more to do with Rafas men being outstandingly poor rather than Southgate masterminding a genius result.

We went one up thanks to Keane being left unmarked at the far post and after the disallowed Tuncay let-off, made it two with Modric (ooh that dummy!) laying it on for Pav and then three before half-time with Lennon notching his first after a wonderful passing move that included some great possession football.

Obviously, Boro being shit isn't enough of a guarantee for us to simply show up to claim the points. We're a soft touch at the best of times. In games like this we need to turn up and turn it on. And we did just that. Got lucky at the back a couple of times, but there was confident football on display, and a bit of hunger and desire going forward. Wasn't by any stretch of the imagination a dominating victory but it was a reminder of the quality we do possess and what happens when we knock it around with a little bit of swagger. And yes, it was still Boro and up and coming opposition won't be this easy to pull apart.

But a win was required and a win is what the players and management gave us, so well done to all.

Sunderland away up next (which no doubt will be a bruising encounter) is where we need to show another side to our digging deep ethos. An ethos missing for the best part of the season from one week to the next. Harry, who is much maligned for his soundbites, is probably quietly aiming for us to finish as high as possible, but will continue to downplay it for greater effect. As long as the players know that beating Boro was simply one step in the right direction.

What makes this season a complete mockery is that as mediocre as we've been on so many many occasions, we are still a handful of points adrift of West Ham who have only won 3 more games than us all season. And they're meant to be having a good one. And yet two defeats might see us pulled back into the mire at the bottom. A fully confident swashbuckling Spurs side wouldn't have a single Spurs fan worried about the relegation scrap. Half a swashbuckling side will see us right. We've got more than half at the minute. Harry has to make sure the expectation level is just about right to see us through to the final game.

The fact we didn't disgrace ourselves at Wembley proves we can still muster up the big day occasion too, and even though we have some tricky opposition ahead of us, I'm certain we'll compete and pick up some unexpected points. It was nice to see us compete against the lesser opposition last night. Bread and butter.

Back to the game, Boro came back in the second half with us a just a little on the back foot, but still didn't stop us notching up a 4th. Happy days.

Lennon's burst of pace and his trademark mazy runs. Modric's dummy for the Pav goal. Both stuck smiles back on the faces of the faithful.

BAE continues to impress. Pavyluchenko's work ethic is also under-rated (he'll be twice the player once he's 100% after the summer). Darren Bent however just doesn't do it for me. I'm not the only person to note he's always wondering to wide positions. Jenas was quiet, Palacios good but not great (saving that extra bit of energy for the games ahead) and Keane showing us a glimpse of what we've been missing. All in all, some individuals excelled, whilst others didn't have to bother.

Well done. We needed that. We need it again on Saturday.

Don't fret....there's always next year

Carling Cup? Never rated it anyway. Mickey Mouse competition.

Sigh.

So here we are, the day after a cup final defeat. Feels a little bit shitty, doesn't it? I despise penalty shoot-outs. Damn you Champions League and the death of cup replays. I guess technically speaking we didn't actually lose (DVD release imminent?). The 'reserve' edition of the best club in the world couldn't beat us in open play. Rejoice!

As for those pesky pens. Not sure why O'Hara took the first one. He got it on target at least. Foster and his ipod will haunt him for a while yet I'm sure. He wears his heart on his sleeve does Jamie, so no doubting the reception he'll get on Wednesday will lift him. As for David Bentley, his scoffed shot sums up his season perfectly. An embarrassment of a mis-hit. But top drawer players as well as the ones lacking form are equally likely to miss or score on such an occasion. Well, discounting the ones in red. It's just so bloody typical a player with a decent shot on him completely mis-kicks the ball in the manner he did. And doubly typical that given a chance for a little redemption he cocks it up. I blame those star jumps. Penalty aside, he made little impact on the pitch when he did come on.

Harry looking good in the suit Ramos left behind

Think it was pretty obvious we'd lose this after extra-time ended. Pessimism gave me a tap on the shoulder and wink of despair. Shame though, because on the day neither side deserved to go home empty handed based on effort and opportunities. Someone obviously does. Obviously. And alas it was us.

Never thought the game would go the full distance based on the opening 15 minutes. United took us apart, but we got into the game and after that possession was shared fairly equally with both sides creating chances. Not the best Cup final, but it gave us plenty of gasps.

United might have launched one or two screamers towards goal, but we had our moments too. Mostly from the lickle boy Lennon who had an outstanding day out. Yes, the end product isn't perfect, but the mazzy runs are. Modric also superb - and both players could have had a Wembley moment to saviour. Shame we had to sub Aaron. Adel would have had a lot of fun out there with his tricks and clever feet and it's a shame he didn't get a cameo.

View from my seat

The much maligned Bent had an effort on goal. Run around a lot, usually in the wrong direction. Spiffing stuff. Pav ballsed up a couple of chances including one that come from a sweet pass from a locomotive Zokora bursting down the middle of the pitch. Zoko was mightily impressive. Where is this version of the player 95% of the time when required in the bread and butter games? As for Pav - he should not have been subbed. 4-5-1 grates me. And although he spooned a couple of efforts, we looked more structured with two up front. Harry might have got this wrong.

Ronaldo entertained with his usual dramatics, falling over whenever he was 'touched' by a Lilywhite. Chris Foy, our esteemed referee, made up for various inconsistencies by yellow-carding the winker. Penalty? Nope. Was already heading for the ground when King clipped him. Talking of cards, O'Shea should have walked but Mr Foy decided otherwise. Seems certain fouls at certain points in the game are worthy of a yellow but punishment for a similar foul to a player already on a yellow - wearing red - is not. Bah, who cares. Happens all the time. Fergie was obviously worried thus replacing him for Vidic. Who was superb. Talking of defenders, so was King and Ferdinand. And Dawson who has made a miraculous return to consistent form (his distribution is crap but I still love him).

Neither side had that cutting edge or bit of luck to claim glory inside 120 minutes. Anyone surprised that Utd won the toss to have the pens in front of their own fans? And the toss to select who takes the first pen? Footballing Gods, damn you.

Get the pen on target and you can't really complain that much if it fails to go in. If the keeper guesses right, he has a chance of saving it. If the pen taker strikes it with power or places it, then the keeper has no chance. I guess, if you practise them and have the confidence (and don't lose your bottle) you have a chance. More than a chance. At the purest simplistic level, penalty taking should be easy. Aim for the part of the goal that the keeper has no chance of getting to. If only it was that simple. It's 99% about mentality. That's where it's won.

Don't think we stood a chance to be perfectly honest. Don't quite grasp why Bent wasn't taking the first kick. I guess it's fairly evident we don't have many penalty takers in the side. Bentley continues to scapegoat himself towards public enemy number one. Take a bow son. Jenas must be smiling. Although no frowning for JJ yesterday. He too impressed making it a WTF double with him and Didier doing the biz. Although one or two fans in the stands seemed to nitpick a little too much on Jenas. I thought he showed spirit, if lacking in box-2-box creative enterprise.

Wembley mocks me with its sad smile

Oh well, there is always next season. We gave it some. Played like a team, some decent approach play and some almost moments that had my heart sat firmly in my mouth.

Other random highlights:

• Man Utd fans leaving after the winning penalty. I find that quite hilarious. Witnessing the lifting of a two-bob cup not as vital as that train back to Surrey, hey?
  
• Had a conversation with a police officer inside the stadium prior to the game. Pleasant chap, not into football. He usually has to settle for Millwall home games every other week the poor sod. "Nice to see some proper fans" he said to me. I told him that's not usually what others would call us, but I accepted the compliment.
• The Fanometer. Football dies a little more.
  

Onwards we go to our third successive Cup final, following on from yesterday and the Hull win the week before.

Boro at home. My knees and Harry's face still trembling.

Spurs overhull City to claim Cup final victory

Woodgate header, 2-1, winning goal. We've been here before haven't we? No fireworks at the final whistle this time round, but the importance of claiming the three points practically pushes this result into open bus parade territory.

Spurs have been to Hull and back. No glory football here. First half performance was gash, only highlight a rather deliciously curled opening goal from Lennon who had all the time in the world to blast it in, but preferred instead to add a little gloss to proceedings and show off some of that end product he has plucked from the frustrating realm of eternal potential. He remains our one bright spark in the dark gloomy basement that the past year has been. Hull's equaliser was assisted by Calamity Cudicini (Gomes must be jealous) who fumbled the ball, allowing for an easy slot to make it 1 a piece.

Dodgy at set pieces, less than confident goal-keeping. Here we go again, right? No, wrong. Rather than losing the game in the final moments, Woody planted his head on the ball to give us one of those rare moments. An away win. Fantasy football. School boys own stuff. Jumpers for goalposts.

Thoughts and prayers for Hull City who haven't won for 10 league games. Their dizzying holiday towards the top of the table nothing more than a distant memory. They can now consider themselves invited to the relegation party down at the bottom.

Thankfully as Hull walk through the front door with a bottle of cheap wine, we've managed to escape from the prank that saw us locked in the downstairs toilet to standing a little easier in the kitchen, which everyone knows is the best place to be at a party....even a party as depressing as this one. We need to focus now and try to flirt with the attractive lass giving us the eye. She's leaning up against the middle of the table, showing us a bit of leg. Boy would we like to climb up that leg. She's no babe, not like some of those top class European birds at the party up the road, but she'll do. Beggars can't be choosers. Aim to impress her with a little charm and slick moves and we'll be out the front door, into a taxi, and back at hers for a coffee leaving this party of losers behind. Now and again, it's ok to play ugly if it gets the right result.

We've now got the interference of the second leg of the UEFA Cup game on Thursday to look forward to. Which is a bit like going on a blind date and finding out your 'date' at the bar with the bow in her dress is your sister. It's inconvenient.

To be fair to Harry, it is a tad ludicrous the way the fixture list scoffs at us. And it's a crying shame the UEFA Cup has been relegated to insignificance thanks to our Premiership predicament. There's been much talk of how Harry has disgraced this clubs great traditions in Europe and how ironic it is that Spurs strive to get into Europe, something taken very seriously a couple of seasons back, to complete dismissiveness this term. Fact is, we have been crap all season long and attempting to win the UEFA Cup when our Prem survival is yet to be guaranteed is arrogance we can not afford. Arrogance probably too strong of a word there. What I mean is, we have by default devalued everything other than the league games thanks to our lack of consistency and form so pretending we can afford to play full strength teams in games that are not important in the grand scheme of things is misplaced. We could play a strong side and win, and take that confidence forward. Its agreeable logic, but the history of this season has served up one certainty: Spurs hardly ever turn up. I'd rather go out of the UEFA Cup, not lose any players to injury, and try to salvage some pride in the league.

I expect another reserve/youth team combo and a sharp exit out of the competition, but this being Spurs, I wouldn't be surprised if the complete opposite happened. Just for larks.

Sunday is now the new priority for the remaining week with Hull decimated. Utd, who we all hope get dicked by Inter this evening, will not be fielding a super-strength line-up at Wembley if they are a goal or two down by the final whistle tonight. Their second leg game at OT is obviously always going to be far more important than the Milk Cup. So amazingly, form aside, we do have a lickle chance of surprising Fergie on Sunday. Although their reserves are not going to be push-overs. And even with the Inter game sandwiching the Cup final, I still expect to see a superstar or two grace the field against us.

I'll be praying for some joy in what has been a joyless season. Fireworks in our favour please. Could even handle an Orish jig or two.

I'm still 'offline' and without internet access and will be travelling on Wednesday/Thursday so will resurface at some point on Friday.

Today will be madness

If you take a quick look around the message boards and Sports pages you'll find the following gathering pace:

Keane coming back
Lennon to Liverpool
Bent leaving
Quaresma on loan
Jenas to Inter

Bringing Robbie back is embarrassing. We are bailing out Liverpool and the player himself. If we lose Lennon as part of the deal I'll be absolutely livid with the club. There is no guarantee that Keane will be the same player he was without Berbatov by his side and let's face it. He must be a little bit damaged by the experience. Boyhood dream in tatters. I'd rather take the risk in whether Lennon will develop into a player with end product than wonder if Keane will be able to reclaim his past Spurs form. Aaron is also much younger than Robbie.

Bent leaving is a strange one. We love to hate Darren. Sometimes, he appears to do nothing in a game. But he does score. He's a bit fragile, so maybe not the right type of player mind-set we need at the moment. I'd still rather hold onto him for now. You know. In case of another injury.

Quaresma is also a strange one. Talented with plenty of unfulfilled potential. Never settled in one place. Is he built for a relegation dogfight? How long will he take to bed in? And if you want to believe that Jose wants Jenas in exchange as part of a loan deal, then this transfer window has officially been tagged as loopy. Apparently, according to Jose, Ibrahimovic is more of a team player than Quaresma. Ouch.

What concerns me is that we haven't looked to actually fill the gaps. I guess apart from the left-wing position, if the Inter lad signs.

"We need strength, big players" - We buy lickle Jermaine. Who was carrying a knock and might now have a broken foot.

"We need people who want to play for this club and know what it means to put on the shirt" - We re-sign Chimbonda. Good olde loyal Shimbomba.

"We need a holding midfielder" - We sign Palacios. Who has 'everything in a midfielder I want' but isn't technically speaking a holding midfielder. Add to the mix, Zokora who Harry wants to continue playing which would then mean that we plan to continue lining up with a 5-man midfield. And if that's the case......do we need to keep spunking so much on forwards?

I'm frustrated. As much as you are, I'm sure.

Arshavin has apparently flown back home today having arrived in London yesterday. Not that Levy would dare place a cheeky bid for him after the summer fiasco with Zenit. Did Arsenal ever stand a chance in signing him? Considering how tight they are and how money obsessed Zenit are.

As I type this apparently Liverpool want Saviola and Spurs are interested also.....but Spurs are willing to back off if the Anfield club give us Robbie. These type of transfer bluffs seem to be happening with alarming occurrence.

I've stuck some popcorn in the microwave. Snowed in. Sky Sports ticker day for me.

Spurs 3 Stoke 1: Just like watching Barcelona

I had to rub my eyes a couple of times yesterday evening to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. There’s been nothing sexy about our football for a while now and although yesterday wasn’t quite Agent Provocateur the performance had plenty of rampant rabbits making plenty of noise in forward positions. There was titillating balls and penetration, as White Hart Lane vibrated. I’m so glad I come. Came. Went. I’m so glad I went to the game. Went.

One cold shower later..........Yes it was only Stoke City. But let’s place things into perspective. We haven’t been playing well all season. We hardly score any goals at White Hart Lane. We’ve lacked any kind of confidence and swagger for a fair while. It was important we won, more than anything, but winning with a little bit of style and slickness means we can finally have something to smile about. Simply put, Spurs showed their Premiership pedigree against a newly promoted side. Something we have failed to do against most of the opposition we have faced.

Modric was sublime in midfield, orchestrating the tempo and playing clever balls. Showed an abundance of skill on the ball, and once Palacios slots in alongside him you get the feeling he will continue to improve to life in the Prem. Zokora was busy, getting stuck in, and was lucky to escape without a yellow card. Still lacks that footballing brain to make him a quality defensive midfielder. You can never fault his effort or athleticism, but that’s not enough to claim a place in the starting line-up. Lack of competition, so looking forward to Wilson’s debut and hopefully Zokora raising his game to fight for his place. Hopefully Palacios won’t give too many free-kicks away in dangerous positions. Something of a triat for our Didier.

Lennon started the first half mini-goal spree with a great dinking run and shot. Defoe showing vision to play in Lennon who darted towards goal and scored with his left-foot. Kodjak moment. Lennon continues to impress this season, rediscovering form I thought had been lost. If he can get more power behind his shots, then he’ll score plenty more. But I won’t lose sleep if he continues to place them the way he did yesterday.

Back on track. Six more points please.

Pavlyuchenko and Defoe then showed us a glimpse of what we hope is the start of a very beautiful relationship. We got to see Pav’s all-round game in technocolor, including a wonderful highlight for goal number two. Without looking, he sent a ball into the path of Defoe. Great vision from the Russian. It's the simple things in life, no? Who cares if he can’t speak English as long as he can speak the language of football?

Cough.

Defoe hammered the ball into the back of the net rather than attempting to score across the keeper (which is what I would have tried had I found myself in a similar position on the Hackney Marshes, before looking up at the sky and cursing the Gods for the divot). That’s confidence. JD has an aura of maturity about him nowadays, with his game improving in abundance (he was only away for a year – maybe we can loan out players more often). He doesn’t get caught offside that often nowadays, which is worth a few pints in celebration alone. Pav, who usually plays ok and still scores - played very well, but didn’t score. Not that I care too much. He was a livewire.

Modric crossed with his left peg for Dawson to nod it in (great header) to make it 3-0. Party time. I laughed out loud when Dawson followed up his goal celebration with yet another one, running towards the Park Lane with what looked like a disorganised guard of honour when his team mates huddled around him. I love the big lump. The unbridled joy displayed was felt all around the stadium, apart from that bit in the corner.

Spurs? 3-0 up at the Lane? Are you mad?

Quite.

All four players buzzed around with the type of swagger we haven’t seen all season. Swagger with end-product, which is the only type of swagger that matters. Tottenham clicked. Could have had a few more in the first 45 minutes. It was Charlie and the Chocolate factory stuff.

And relax. Feet firmly back on the ground.

Second half didn’t go according to plan. It probably would have been more of the same, but a mistake from Dawson allowed Stoke to break and score, with James Beattie (does he ever NOT score against us?) getting one back. That gave Stoke a bit more belief but it was never enough to trouble us. Yes, as a Spurs fan, even 3-1 up at home is enough to make the experience uncomfortable. I joked we should bring on Bale to end his hoodoo, but only if we go 6-1 up and only in the 91st minute.

Stoke, in the first half, had three good opportunities. Did we ride our luck? Yes. But don’t all teams? They missed another very decent chance in the second half too. In the end, we got the points we deserved and players can take the confidence up to Bolton where we could do with ending that particular hoodoo.

So, in conclusion. We kept the ball very well, played it around the park with a little bit of a spark, passed it across the middle with urgency and precision and even got the fullbacks involved. There was hunger, pace. Bit of spirit and passion. And most importantly belief. Wasn't perfect by a long-shot. Would have been nice to take control of the ball (win it back) and dictate more when the impetus was momentarily lost with the Stoke goal. We need to boss it for two halves, not just one. One step at a time I guess.

Barcelona? More like Brazil, innit?