Bentley, you smeghead

What was I saying yesterday about there always being a Spurs story just around the corner?

With thanks to David Bentley.

On the one hand he claims to have personal issues, but has the time to promote club nights and kick footballs into skips and while earning thousands per week fails miserably to resemble a £1M player let alone a £16M one. He's a fucking mess. I don't know him personally, so he might be the typical arrogant 'I'm the best since slice bread' egomaniac who thinks he can star on his name alone, which has been built on a fair few good performances and a shit load of hype. Or he might be insecure, hiding behind highlighted hair and Beckham comparisons unable to cope with the pressures that come with a 50k per week job. Oh what a life.

What exactly was he doing boozing days before the start of the season? Does he want us to dislike him even more? Not that everyone hates him, but it makes it tricky for the people who do want to support him and aid him towards reclaiming some of that form that saw him bag a move here in the first place.

May as well stick two fingers up at us and then throw a bag of piss in our faces. Where exactly is the dedication and determination to claw back into contention as a first teamer? Somewhere lost at the bottom of a bottle no doubt.

Any chance of selling him now are remote, especially as the main reason he's still with us is because nobody would match our asking price.

I don't want to hear another word from him. An apology for his football performances would have been preferable but I'll accept honest hard work on and off the pitch and no more hissy fits and apologetic crap.

He's not the first footballer to wrap his car around a lamp post. Luckily for him he didn't kill anyone or kill his career.

When you're at the very bottom, the only way is up.

Sort yourself out you melter.

Triffic Spurs Round-up

Good weekend? Just a week away now, and it all kicks off again. Another season of Tottenham. How many times will Harry say 'Triffic'? Will we tally up more than two points from the opening eight games? With all the hype on Man City and with people expecting Villa and Everton to continue their good form from last season, can we quietly sustain a challenge for a top 6 place without the usual over-hyped nonsense that drowns us by Christmas? Exciting times.

Before we look forward, here's a round-up of the latest bits and pieces:


Gareth Bale

So basically, AC Milan are interested in signing our jinxed left-back. His agent appears to be the only one doing the talking because I've seen nothing to suggest the player wants a move and I've yet to see a single quote from anyone involved with the Milan giants concerning a bid for our monkey-faced star. Just his agent, spouting out contradictory rubbish. On the one hand he states that no transfer has been talked about and then goes on to say that the figures circulating are correct. Right, so basically, nobody is or has discussed a transfer which means the figures being referred to are either the ones in his head or the ones that tabloids have estimated when covering this complete non-event of a story. Isn't Bale currently recovering from an op? Next.

Ashley Young

We are no longer interested in signing Young, so says Harry, who has given up because Villa simply won't sell and he'll cost a fair amount of wedge. Two good reasons I guess. Still, I can never quite trust our gaffer because it always seems like he's playing mind games, and not the subtle type either. The very fact he said what he said might be his way of deflecting attention back onto a possible transfer by suggesting it won't happen when his intentions is to try and force it back out into the open. Especially if you are inclined to believe Young wants to return to London.

Do we need a left-winger? I reckon it would be nice to have one and be able to mix it up a little with Modric pairing up with Palacios in the middle. Give us options and allows us to be a little less predictable depending on the opposition and how we plan to line-up offensively. £21M is apparently the price fee. Inexplicably, Real Madrid would part with Wesley Sneijder for a measly £16M.

Something…wrong…can't…work…it…out.

I guess if the £21M is a genuine estimation Villa have tagged Young with, its only because they think (hope) City would pay it. Sneijder has been linked with Villa, which has me scratching my head that if all of this was true, shouldn't we be the ones linked with the Dutch star? And how the English winger can be valued higher than the brilliant Wesley, leaves me dizzy with confusion. Back to reality, I doubt he'd ever consider a non-Champions League club. Such is modern day football.

Moussa Sissoko

Believe the hype or not to believe the hype? This kid is meant to be pretty bloody good. A player in the mould of Desailly, according to some. Strong, decent tackle (ooh) and has the type of drive and determination that would suit us perfectly - because we need players who lead by example. His passing isn't quite there yet, but he's young and he'll improve. Now, I've not seen that much of him and like most fans, when it comes to being linked with a player outside the Prem or in a league that you don't follow on a regular occurrence, you have to rely on others to give you the low-down. We tend to fall in love with some players when having little knowledge about them and then start to believe we need them more than the air we breathe and then feel completely empty if they don't sign (anyone remember the dramatics of the Diego transfer saga and the ITK's obsession with Dirk Kuyt?).

I'd like us to sign Sissoko because if Palacios is out injured or suspended, we can do with a player of almost equal standing (sorry Jamie). An understudy who can also give us extra steel in midfield. The main gripe, if you want to have a gripe, is that the above description of Sissoko is not too dis-similar to one you would use to describe General Wilson. So is he really the type of player we need as an answer to the 'we need one more CM to complete our squad depth' conundrum? Or should we be looking at his more Carrickesque team-mate Etienne Capoure? Looking at our current set of players, I'd say Sissoko is the better option, simply because he is similar to Palacios. Harry fancies Tommy Huddlestone and our quarterback looks like he will be getting a chance to prove his worth to the side - as an offensive CM. Along with the returning Kevin Prince Boateng who has a second chance to impress. And although I tend to believe that all the Patrick Vieira stories spouted by our manager are nothing more than distractions and disinformation, I do believe Harry wants to bring in a CM. Just as much as a LW. But from the looks of it, we'll only be getting one or the other.

Although considering Bentley and his latest tunnel sulk, there might be time to go back and test Martin O'Neill with a cheeky swap deal.

Olympiakos Friendly

No reason to read too much into this, much like any other pre-season friendly, other than to probably say our players look fit and sharp (and hopefully in mind as well as body) and the Greeks looked rather poor. All eyes on Bassong, who did well and will no doubt grow in stature when partnered alongside King of Woodgate. Heavy touch on occasion and a moment or two of stalling on the ball that could well be costly, but reading too much into his performance would be a knee-jerk too far. Bentley disappearing down the tunnel the other talking point. More on that in a moment.

No Woody, Daws, Bale or Jenas available for the game on Sunday. All out injured. Palacios and Hutton were both away on international duty. Hopefully Luka going off (with a foot knock) was more precautionary than anything.

Defoe looks to be up for it and impressively, so does Pav who displayed some neat touches and finished with confidence for his goal. All smiles on the Russians face, let's hope he takes the swagger into the season proper and proves the doubters wrong. Moddle and Lennon are obviously key to our attack, providing the type of swashbuckling that we love to see dazzle in Lilywhite.

Huddlestone was a little on the quiet side and Crouch was at the end of far too much of the route one. When Harry said he gives us another options, I hope this isn't the only other option. KPB looks to be back in with first team contention. Or maybe it was option rather than options, which might prove to be an issue months from now (fingers crossed it isn't). Keane, the kid Danny Rose and O'Hara were all OK, nothing special.

King was the King in his 45 mins cameo appearance and should be fit for 90 minutes against Liverpool, but a no-show in the following game against Hull in mid-week.

The one blip was David Bentley who looks to now be the quintessential outcast. The jigsaw piece that doesn't quite fit, presumably because it belongs to another set. It's a shame that most think he's over-rated and is a victim of his own ego, thanks to all the 'Next Beckham' hype that followed him from Blackburn to Spurs. The main problem (much like the Darren Bent) is - where does he actually fit into the Spurs team? Not the right-wing, because that belongs to Lennon. So can he play in CM? Doubtful as I don't think he has the combative skills to survive there and as he constantly attempts to do too much, he'll probably be steamrolled by any half-decent opposition. Behind the front two? Possibly, but it's not his natural position is it?

I don't mind Bentley and regardless of whatever personal issues he had last season, the fact is he has to start showing some grit and determination when selected for Spurs. One thing lacking is confidence. Still lacking. Which is frustrating for the player (hence the substitution and moody response to it) and frustrating for the fans. Because of expectations, it's easy to be fickle. But let's try not to be. It's unlikely he'll be sold on (unless something last minute involving Young occurs) so Bentley needs to dig deep and sort out his crossing and set-pieces and show some of the Becks spirit of never say die, rather than apologetically go out on whimper. I want him to succeed and I want him to do so at Spurs. But it's a paradox, because his best chance of doing so would be with him patrolling the right-wing. Lickle Aaron probably won't let him come anywhere near it.

Loans

Livermore has gone to Derby (which was expected after he posted about it on his Facebook). Talking of which, the club have apparently asked all the player to disclose all the online social networks they frequent and that a representative at Spurs has access to all accounts to make sure that nothing embarrassing (club related) is shared in the public domain. Bit of ITK I got over the weekend, but not sure how true this is and the fact that Woody's Twitter account disappeared soon after the Bent farce I get the impression Spurs have actually gone for a more zero tolerant attitude.

Newcastle are meant to be in discussions with us over a couple of loan deals for 'our kids'. dos Santos? Dervitte? Rose? Obika? Naughton? Hopefully it's not the latter because he looks good enough to mix it up in the top-flight. The rest can do with a loan spell and dos Santos (with his apparent disciplinary issue) can do with proving everyone wrong and save himself from a permanent transfer or sealing one. With Livermore gone, I'm hoping Bostock isn't a player we are looking at loaning out. Kid's got talent and he should be slowly introduced to first team action, in the Prem. With Adel already out at QPR, we need to have a least one 'kid with talent' eyeing the first eleven.

Afternoon tea Spursistics

Vieira stats. He made 10 apperances last season for Inter. Nine of which he was either a sub or subbed. Spent force? Probably. Based on the past year or so, you'd think so. I guess when I wished we would look at someone as an understudy for Palacios, I didn't think the understudy would be older than him. Still time for a twist. There's a secondary rumour that its not Vieira (did someone say 'smokescreen'?) and that Flamini is the real target.

-

My favourite ESPN columnist has broken his silence on his decision to choose Spurs as his EPL team and has claimed it was a mistake, citing that Liverpool is the club he is now leaning towards because they are '…like the Boston Red Sox'. Stick with baseball buddy because the experiment hasn't worked. Not because of selecting Spurs, but because it was an half-arsed attempt at looking across the pond in an attempt to educate Americans about the beautiful game. No doubt, Simmons has lost out on the opportunity to entertain his public. No idea if it has to do with the lack of coverage over in the States at the time or if the prolonged process of selecting a EPL team had resulted in his interest evaporating faster than Tottenham's 4th spot dream. But Mr Simmons is wrong to think he made the wrong choice. If I was a clueless American (who is interested in soccer) or an MLS fan, I'd much prefer reading about the rollercoaster that is Spurs than the blandness of Anfield with their banners and scarf's. And title push and Champions League football and…

Oh. I get it now.

-

David Bentley, sat in a restaurant, gets punched in the face by some absolute **** who had given him a bit of stick before landing one on him. I read somewhere that David was lucky he didn't throw a punch back, because he'd have been nicked. If someone attacked me, for no reason at all other than the fact that he's a mindless jealous ****, and I was sat there with my pregnant girlfriend/wife - I'd have picked up a chair and smashed it across the fuckers face before dragging him outside and throwing him into the nearest gutter. The other guy started it, right? Just me. Hate it when people disturb my consumption of food. David is alright though. Decent in training today. Good lad.

-

Boateng. The Prince. He's back in the squad listings. I guess this means Harry is having a look at him, thanks to nobody willing to take a punt in signing him for the over-inflated fee we've tagged him with. You never know. Harry might manage (where others have failed) to get something out of his boots in the way of productivity or creation. Boateng been nothing but talk so far and didn't impress out on loan and with Adel still screaming for an escape away from WHL, we can do with having at least one wildcard in our ranks.

The next 'big name signing'?

Stupendous day. If you're in central London, hop onto one of those open bus tourist tours and have yourself a parade. Pennant has gone to La Liga. I haven't cried since that Gazza yellow card in Italia '90, but have no shame in admitting I shed a tear when I read that the arrogant and over-hyped, ex-scum 'wonder-kid' had agreed to join Real Zaragoza. If we struggled to get an in-form winger (Bentley) to work in the team, what chance an inconsistent petulant prick?

The ITK community had us along with a couple of Italian clubs interested and that it was a done deal for him to sign for Harry once we got rid of Bentley. It's like these attention-seekers are playing a grand version of connect-the-dots with one dot in London and the other next closest dot somewhere hidden in the depths of the Eagle Nebula.

I'm actually a lot calmer now with all this incoming outgoing transfer circus. I've re-discovered patience and also some respect for our esteemed chairman for standing firm with Sevilla over the Zokora saga and bagging and alleged £8.65M (although we did pay them a bundle for the Ramos compensation). Bent's long running 'will he won't he' be the next Spurs player to make the trip up to Sunderland looks like coming to a happy conclusion with us finally agreeing a fee. It's not going to be anywhere near the £16M we paid for him. No doubt this will result with day long street parties in the East End. For us, it means more money in the kitty as we look towards bringing in a new forward.

Carew from Villa is the man marked by all. Big, strong, great at holding up the ball. All ingredients that Harry likes and we need. Might not be prolific or the best natural finisher - but alongside Defoe, it might just work. He won't cost too much, but as a consequence of the club he plays for currently and the fact we just sold Zokora - Nigel Reo-Coker might become part of the package.

The irony is not lost on me. From one 'Do do do' to another. Excuse the pun, but for the love of God…do one. Carew, I can live with if he's cheap. I'd much prefer a younger player with bags of potential and a proven record. But if things are tricky in the transfer market (which they are) then we need to be a little shrewd. Reo-Coker isn't shrewd. It's a mistake.

Talking of mistakes, did anyone see a story about Birmingham chasing a certain Inter player? Tabloids linking him to a return to the Prem. So what happens next? Cryptic messages start appearing on Spurs forums about how we are in for a player who - if signed - will make you laugh or cry.

Patrick Vieira? In Lilywhite? Sacrebleu!

I think I'm about to lose that calming feeling.

No wonder we can't sell any of our unwanted players

The truth is never out there (David Bentley)

Thought I'd share this because it serves a purpose in never quite believing what you read, even when they print quotes from the player in question. In this case, David Bentley. The interview in question is the one The Sun published yesterday where David allegedly told the journalist that he was in talks with Aston Villa.

Complete fabrication. At least according to a good friend of DB who has no reason to fib. Unlike the tabloids who do nothing but.

I accept we'll be seeing one of those two sentence apologies hidden away in the corner of the page soon.

Still, would be ironic if Villa do end up bidding for him and he does go.

Truth will out in time.

A short guide to understanding Tottenham in the transfer market

#23 Ashley Young


Spurs: We like the look of your boy Ashley.
Watford: You can have him for £1M.
Spurs: Hmm. Ok, well you know what. We like him, we do, but £1M for a kid who hasn't proven himself in top flight football? Listen, thanks, but no thanks.
Watford: You're declining?
Spurs: Yes, yeah…we'll be looking elsewhere. Just don't think he's worth that much.

-

Watford: Hello again.
Spurs: Hi. Your boy Ashley has progressed rather well.
Watford: Fancy him more do you now?
Spurs: Might do, might do.
Watford: Thinking of making a bid?
Spurs: Yes, perhaps.
Watford: How does £9M sound to you?
Spurs: Sorry...What? (laughing out loud)
Watford: £9M. He has proven talent.
Spurs: Yes, but Christ, really? £9M? That’s extortionate. I mean, come on, £9M? Nine million big ones?
Watford: You're not interested again, are you?
Spurs: Just don't think he's worth that much.

-

Villa: How can we help?
Spurs: Ashley Young. We want him.
Villa: Ok. We value Ashley at a price of £... (interrupted)
Spurs: £20M
Villa: Sorry?
Spurs: We want to pay £20M for the player.
Villa: Oh, ok, well I suppose...
Spurs: Credit card or cheque?
Villa: Well we've not had time to...
Spurs: Look, if you want something more than just money we can throw in Bentley and Huddlestone.
Villa: Didn't Bentley cost you £15M?
Spurs: And? Just take your pick. Bentley or Huddlestone. Or take both of them.
Villa: Can we think about it first?
Spurs: Great, no problem. Give me a call with one hour remaining in the summer transfer window and we’ll go about thrashing out a deal.

The End.

Tabloid exclusive: 'Germany invades Poland' - How Ruud

It’s Sunday which means regurgitated transfer news is once more vomited from the mouths of the media as we choke on yesterday’s food for thought. It's like Groundhog day with carrort chunks.

Apparently Harry is having a clear-out. No seriously, he is. Let’s disregard the fact that all clubs have clear-outs of varying magnitude from one season to the next or that Harry inherited a squad of players and that he is quite obviously not going to hold onto any deadwood because there’s no logical point to it as he wants to build a team of his own doing.

We’ve heard this gem about five times already since the end of the season. Along with the ones about Cisse, Santa Cruz and Gio. It’s almost like the journalists and editors of newspapers have some type of memory disorder, re-printing the same garbage week in and week out with complete impunity to criticism. And yet I can clearly see the irony of my good self once more shaking my fist vigorously towards them with blog article attack at the ready as I repeat my complaint.

The cycle can only be broken with an actual player signing for us.

Gio hasn’t impressed and doesn’t appear to have any future with us. Linking him away from the club is the most direct cause of action his agent can take but at least this time the rumours are being printed in Spain so we may see him escape back to La Liga. I'm sure he won't miss the English nightclubs.

Ruud van Nistleroy is being linked in a £1.25M bid. I think this one is brand spanking new (although we were linked a year or so back).

Another rumour that’s been knocking around for a few days relates to Paul Robinson returning to WHL.

Seriously, what next? A dead parrot?

Richard Dunne done the rounds back in January and I’m not alone in thinking this is would be a sideways signing.

But along with Ruud, you can see Harry doing some triffic bit of business with these two ‘experienced Premiership’ players, adding a bit of steel to the squad. Even though Ruud is likely to suffer from injury quirks and Dunne is no better than what we’ve got.

Ashley Young is a right-winger who players left-wing for Villa (I think he's naturally right-footed but please do correct me if I'm wrong) and a former target who we turned down the chance of signing first time round due to the excessive £7M (or whatever it was) fee. Back in again according to the red-tops for £8M + Bentley in the opposite direction. Chelsea the other interested club.

And did someone say Joe Cole?

I’m waiting for the Downing rumours to re-emerge (more so than they did last week with the story that Boro were finally willing to let him go) and conclude with an undisclosed fee to Spurs thanks to his broken bone.

Petrov and Babel are two former targets and tabloid favs of the transfer grapevine which will no doubt do the rounds (keep track and you’ll notice there’s a rota).

Young won’t join and I hope he doesn’t as I’m not convinced he’s half as good as people think he is. He’s decent but we can do better, unless we can’t, but even if we can’t he won’t come to us. He’ll want to step up to a Top 4 club. Which is ironic as he isn’t Top 4 quality. Which would then make him perfect for us.

And breathe.

Neither will Cole join – who I think was linked via the message boards. Not sure the press have picked up on this one quite yet. I doubt we’ll go anywhere near Santa Cruz (just not worth the transfer fee being quoted) and Cisse to Spurs is pure fantasy.

Robinson? Amazing journalism there. Someone got paid for that. They actually got paid sterling. No dis-respect to Robbo who was a personal fav of mine during his time at WHL, but he signed a long term contract at Spurs and then fluffed it along with the ball in practically every game. Shocking lack of management and loyalty saw him get worse and never better and eventually sold to Rovers. We then spend £9M on a replacement. Now, having him return while the replacement is sold on would quite simply be the most comical clusterf*ck ever. Let's be done with it and just re-sign Ian Walker.

Which then leaves us with Ruud. He has the pedigree but like I said, does have injury issues. He’s been out for ages at Madrid. But his form prior to that was ridiculously good. For £1.25M I’d snap him up. But then, how do I know this isn’t just another Sunday daydream from a monkey with a typewriter?

Once more, I turn to my precious bottle of twenty-three year old rum and search for the answer at the bottom of it.

Gareth Bales out of Spurs pre-season

Gareth Bale in all probability won't be fit for the start of next season. He faces a race to recover from knee surgery for a medial meniscal tear. Which means by the time he's back in full training, he'll be lagging behind for a place in the first team.

He's never had it great at Spurs.

Six months out with an ankle injury, comes into a Spurs side that is utterly shite and incapable of winning and has yet to taste victory in the Prem as a consequence leading to loss of confidence and keeping another victim of hard luck David Bentley (cough) company on the bench. He just doesn't get a look in, possibly because Harry doesn't rate him. But probably because there hasn't been much on offer since his arrival. If Gareth was in his late twenties, then I wouldn't expect Harry to be so patient.

The only positive out of all this is that we are unlikely to sell the kid now. Harry has to be paitent, all things taken into consideration, Bale is only 20 years old. There is no doubting he has talent. It's there, it's been hiding behind the footballing sofa except now it's having to lay on it, feet up with little to do but wait.

But as we've seen time and time again, it doesn't always come together at the first time of asking. In Gareth's case, it's all down to that first injury.

It's frustrating for all concerned.

His talent isn't quite defined, and coming to Spurs was meant to be the next step in his development to evolve into a more complete all round player. He's great coming forward, and arguably better at his offensive duties than his defensive ones.

Now he's back to square one, again. As long as he is not rushed back and starts playing in a winning side, then I'm certain he will be a success. Confidence breeds confidence which breeds smiles all round.

Talking of square one (or should that be ground zero?) Kevin Prince Boateng is back at Spurs having been told Dortmund can't afford to sign him. Which translated simply means he didn't do enough to impress the German club to sign him full time. It's difficult to gauge if KPB has anything in his locker to make it in the EPL, considering he failed to impress first time round. And tbh, I'd rather we push Adel Taraabt than the 'never won the German Young Player of the Year award no matter how many times the tabloids and broadsheets tell you he did' midfielder.

He's the perfect illustration of an unnecessary Comolli signing. Hyped potential, all tattoos and no substance. My advice to Levy and Harry? Lower your asking price.

Then again Harry did sign Kaboul when he was at Pompey, so never quite know what's in store...

Bentley you're my zero....I mean hero...

Morning all. The DML Awards continue...

Player of the Season

It’s like something out of a comic book or the tv show Heroes. The main protagonist has lost his powers and is disillusioned and alone. Past glories a distant memory, doubts lingering as to whether he'll be able to regain his talent. And then a new beacon of hope takes centre stage and surely now the day is lost. But alas, this new dashing superman is more zero than hero. And with the centre stage empty again, our protagonist decides its now or never and reaches out for the bright lights, reclaiming that which was his all along. A star is re-born.

The menacing pace. The unplayable jinking runs. It's suddenly clear to all that his full abilities have returned.

Aaron Lennon is back.

With intent and purpose. And with improved end product and an eye for goal. Whether its on the right or left or through the middle, ball at feet, he causes havoc and is altogether a different type of creative outlet than the more subtle craftwork of the cultured Modric. Aaron is far more in your face and then in front of your face and then about five metres ahead of your face. Counter-attacking has never been so much fun.

Harry still has work to do with developing the lads composure and decision making and there is no doubt he has to improve his final ball - but the signs that progression has been made are there for all to see.

He is the player of the season for us simply because he has epitomised the type of determination that has pulled us out of the mire and up the table. Where the £15M Bentley has stalled, Lennon has raced away. Confident and assured. Always threatening. Bums constantly off seats, when he's full pelt.

We have been here before with Lennon. Last time out he failed to live up to the hype. He now has to do just that otherwise it's not just him that will suffer the consequences.

Goal of the Season

Sit down, buckle up. Because you're about to read something that would constitute positively in the way of David Bentley. The goal - the opening goal - in the thrilling 4-4 derby day classic at the Emirates was one of ridiculous audacity. It's one of those attempts that hits the back of the net because destiny will not allow otherwise. There's no way its not going to be a goal. The flick and the hit and the second before it happened is where this beauty of a strike was birthed. As the ball was bouncing around on peoples heads in the middle of the park and found its way towards Bentley, what raced through his mind?

"I'll have a crack. If it goes in, it goes in"
"He's off his line, I could lob the ball over him"

I prefer to believe nothing much went through his head. Which arguably most would agree is the standard brain activity of most footballers.

Bentley instinctively shot towards goal because in that moment he knew he could score. You've done it yourself I'm sure. Goal of your life on the Hackney Marshes when you've chested it, controlled and hit it and next thing you know its breaking the back of the net and you wheel off in celebration asking yourself, 'how the heck did I just do that?'

The moment Bentley thought about doing it is the moment he scored. Before the ball even left his foot. It was a majestic wonderful moment. And sweet for the fact that he once played for them lot and is always prone to a bit of abuse from their home support.

If he never plays for us again, at least he left us with the memory of a goal that left all that witnessed it gob smacked.

More to follow...

Wilson Palacios is a legend

DML Awards

With a couple of months to go before pre-season kicks off, I thought it best to spread the season review and 'awards' across several blog articles. Keep things short and snappy (for a change).

So first up the first batch of player awards.

Best Summer Signing

Lickle Luka Modric. The impish looking lad that was written off before he even kicked a ball in the EPL. Not strong enough cited old man Wenger from the depths of his swamp. He'd be blown away like a crisp packet in a storm if you cared to believe some of the punditry dished out early season. And there were moments when we almost believed it to be true as we held our heads in our hands watching Spurs slump from one game to the next. Luka, looking lost and struggling. And then in came saviour Harry and with each passing game the Croatian began to find his feet and dink about with confidence. All thanks to a little bit of balance and team structure. From the left, cutting in with purpose, there was plenty of crafting and clever balls and the odd goal too. There is absolutely no doubting this blokes ability and he has conducted play from midfield with freedom and much glee giving us a spark that most thought had gone with Berbatov's departure to United. He took time to settle, as expected, and has proven he has a touch of the world class about him. Lovely player, proper Tottenham sort, who will no doubt improve further next season and grab a few more goals. Luka Moddle indeed.


Worst Player

Difficult one this. Should the accolade be awarded to someone who has played few games based on the fact they are woeful or someone who has been selected time and time again regardless of the fact they are woeful? Or perhaps it should be given to the player who played several games whilst being woeful and then hardly figured after that. Such was the woefulness.

Step forward, Mr David Bentley. Personal problems have been cited along with the pressures of a massive transfer fee as the main excuses for his non-existent form. Others would suggest being played out on the left-hand side destroyed him. So what exactly happened to Beckham MkII? Where did it all go wrong?

Much like most of the side in those opening eight games, there was no cohesion or belief. But where others clawed their way back up from mediocrity, Bentley was left behind with his head buried in the sand. He was devoid of all the basics. Simple passes and crosses were an impossible tasks for the lad. Everything had to be Hollywood and came off looking a ITV. That Goal against Arsenal could have been and should have been the opportunity to reclaim some of the hype, but alas, it wasn’t to be. He got worse with each game. The worst of them, a depressingly bad display against Burnley in the home leg of the semi-final.

For the money spent on a player that was not a necessity in the first place who then found himself pushed out of the right side to make way for a blistering Aaron Lennon, you feel his dream move turning into a nightmare was possibly the reason his fragile ego collapsed with no apparent sign of recovery. It's looking highly likely that Bentley will be sold on - for a loss - in the summer, allowing Harry to sign another right-back (probably).

It's been shambloic.


Best Comeback Player

According to Alan Hansen, Gomes was the worst Premier League goal keeper he had ever seen. This coming from a man who played in a side with Bruce Grobelaar in goal. There is no doubting the fact that our Brazilian lank was the very definition of calamity during the period of time that we took backwards steps away from the upper regions of the table. He likes punching the ball. And he likes running out, jumping, and claiming it. In a winning side that defends well, you can do this sort of clean-up work with that extra buzz of confidence instilled by the fact that all is well and you're protected. When the team is crap and you make a mistake or two then the mistakes keep on rolling, especially when you start thinking too much instead of reacting instinctively.

It gets even worse when you try even harder to do your job - all eyes on you, the slightest normal run of the mill error suddenly becomes yet another joke piece of goalkeeping. The media are relentless with the jokes and comedy commentary. But rather apologetically implode like Paul Robinson did, Gomes knowing and believing he is a player of quality, dug deep. And even when the media ignored his improvement and concentrated on any little thing ('oh look he came for the ball and didn't quite make contact no other keeper ever does that') he continued to work hard until it was impossible for anyone to ignore his assured confidence and superb smart saves. With several clean sheets and a big smile, Gomes has been outstanding for us.

His spirit should be commended.


Best Winter Signing

When Wilson Palacios was signed, various sound bites did the rounds.

"£14M? It's madness!"
"He looked great at Wigan because he's a good player in an average team"

The usual 'OMG what have we gone and done?' reactions followed thanks to the countless inflated transfer fees spent on players not worth even a quarter of the price.

Yet it wasn't long before Wilson marshalled the midfield like a general. He displayed qualities that we had only ever seen in those rare blink and you'll miss 'em moments. But now we were being spoilt by the bite and tenacity on show. With all the money that has been at our disposal over the years and the incriminating evidence in the way of weak performances proving our backbone was softer than a teddy bear sleeping on a sea of feathers, why had it taken so long to sign a player of his ilk? Palacios has brought composure and discipline allowing others to blossom offensively while he bosses the park, crunching tackle here and block there and clever professional foul over there. Staggering that we have failed to fill this gap time and time again. It was a risk to spend the money that we did on The Panther, but then having spent an abundance on players in the past the risk was only ever going to be more egg on an already egg covered face.

Palacios has been undoubtedly one of the signings of the season. You wonder how the likes of Arsenal, desperate for a defensive/holding midfielder, didn't smart their way to his signature. Spurs finally have a tough hard working warrior who constantly puts himself about for the team. Selfless and proud. A proper player that has given us an air of authenticity in the way of fight and that we can now handle ourselves against teams that would usually brush us aside. Bring in another player with this type of winning mentality and slot him by the side of Wilson and our midfield might just explode with challenging class.

Next up - Player of the Year, Goal of the Season and more.

What are we meant to do with Mr David Bentley?

Click on the following hyperlinks for Part I and Part II.

Tapestry Part III

What are we meant to do with Mr David Bentley?

Dear Mr Levy,

David Bentley is typical of this creed that blights us with each passing season. On paper he looks the part. England's new hope for the right-wing. Good looking, so he must be as good as David Beckham because no one with a face like that could possibly be shit. He's the 'it' player of the moment. And we need a big name signing, so let's just go out and sign a right-winger because we don't actually need one having Lennon there already, but who cares, it's too much of a bargain at £15M to turn down. Let's sign him and hope he can somehow fit in to whatever system the coach decides to play.

We are then treated to some tidy goals pre-season but a run of two points from eight games turns all our players into fragile pathetic apologetic losers.

Are they playing badly because they have no confidence?
Are they playing badly because they have no confidence in the manager?
Are they playing badly because they are a team of individuals that don't quite gel together as a unit?
Are they playing badly because they are prima donna millionaires who just can't be arsed?

If it was a confidence issue that progressively got worse with each passing game thanks to Ramos inability to fashion some form of consistency and style, then why did some of our players (most of them in fact) climb out of the depths of despair and reclaim some self-pride when Harry arrived? Bentley, momentarily, did so with That Goal©. You know the one. From the half way line. He flicked it and hit it. 40 odd yards out. Flew through the sky like a squirrel with a rocket up its bum, and come down over Almunia and into the goal. It was Beckhamesque. From the half line. It’s on youtube. If you haven't seen it.

Since that giddy high, we've had very little. Plenty of Hollywood flicks and showboats. Everything that ought to be a simple pass turns into 'OH GOSH, THE CAMERA IS ON ME, LET ME DO SOMETHING A £15M WOULD DO. LOOK MA, I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!' instead of just, well, passing the sodding thing to the player that wants the ball.

It's not quite Neo in the Matrix. More Kev on the Hackney Marshes.

Tragic decline, witnessing a player who was so proud to sign for us and ecstatic he made the move down south to disappear into mediocrity with the rest of the team but then fail to re-emerge, rejuvenated.

Personal problems were cited. Hmm.

Play football for a living. Check.
Train two or three times per week. Check.
Millionaire. Check.
Good looking. Check.

Ok, so I'm making assumptions that just because someone is a millionaire footballer, then all is well. Something is obviously deeply wrong. Was it the transfer fee? Was it the bad start? Was it the fact that Redknapp managed to get the best out of BAE and nurse Lennon back to his blistering best, but couldn't quite work his magic with Bentley?

Surely a quiet word would have done the trick.

"David, just do the simple things lad. Don't try and do the impossible with every touch. Play for the team"

It obviously didn't work even though Harry persisted with playing him. The he was dropped. And injured. And playing for the reserves. And now on the bench. And Harry is hinting that the lad might leave because he can't get into the team because Harry is happy with his current selection. Keane played on Saturday. Bentley didn't.

And there we have it. In modern day football there is no room for patience. You'd think that Bentley - regardless of the transfer fee - has qualities that any top side would want in their squad. And David himself must surely want to stay on because this was his boyhood dream club move, no? To leave when you've told everyone that personal problems have been the reason for your lack of form means you haven’t been able to give it 100% and thus owe the club and the fans. And as for the club, having forked out £15M, surely that warrants a little more time to see if the investment was worth it. Unless of course there is no reason to keep a player that can only play one position and won't play in that position much if Lennon is fit.

Once more Mr Levy, this illustrates the superfluous Tottenham transfer policy that has hindered us far too often. Yes, we are a club steeped in prestigious tradition when it comes to individual flair players. We've had an abundance of them. And talking of tradition we do love a big name signing. But 10, 15 years of very little league success (only two 5th spot finishes) proves that we don't always have to buy the obvious 'must have' players just to keep up appearances on the back pages.

Bentley was not required. And yet we bought him. And I can't help but think we bought him because we had lost Keane to Liverpool and needed a flashy pick-me-up. Either that or Ramos/Comolli had written off lickle Lennon altogether. Either way - shambolic management. Yes, we're rich. But we don't have to spunk it like Peter North in a harem.

The lad seems genuine enough. And maybe he's lack of form is because of that woeful start we made, followed by the form of Lennon. Which would point to the frailties of his character. Have we signed a fragile 'must be wrapped up in cotton wool' type of player who needs hugs and bedtime stories and must be covered with the duvet so that the booger-booger man under the bed doesn't come out at night and scare him?

Maybe we'll get more 'up for it' type of bullish gritty players with Redknapp rather than the glossy cover-boy powder-puffs. But I do hate to knee-jerk. I hope he stays. I hope he tells Harry he wants to fight for his place, even if it means more time on the bench. If he asks to leave, then so be it. So much for him being a Spurs fan. But if he goes because Harry wants the extra cash in the bank, then let this be the end to superfluous signings.

You say Daniel, that you don't know your football - hence the need for a DoF. I'm sure you know enough to question the validity of £15M+ signings for players that are not a nailed on necessity. Either you are too trustworthy of the people that work below you or your thinking at times sits with merchandising and club profile ethics.

Harry has got through the first stage of rebuilding, the foundation is set. Just make sure that we don't waste our money on a conservatory or an attic conversion when all that's needed is a few cracks in the wall to be plastered over.

Thank God we don't have cowboy builders.

Cough.

Sorry, clearing throat.

Regards,

S

Slight change of plans, as the creative juices are flowing. Extended the series by one. So up next:

Part IV - Jenas (which is written, but I wont publish until tomorrow morning)

And then

Part V - Redknapp

Ta.