So, did you watch anything decent on the box this evening?

Is this a gloat? I guess technically speaking it is. Although I prefer to quantify it as payback for some of the abuse aimed at me by some Chelsea 'friends' through-out the season relating to our adventures down south in the mire of relegation. So, let's not waste a second more.

Football justice at the Bridge. Hard luck for defending deep over two games, nine players behind the ball and then failing to take control of the game against 10 men who nicked it with their one and only shot on target. Although to be fair, it was a job well done stopping the Catalan goal machine for 181 minutes. And if the decisions had gone their way, it would have made going to work tricky and the tabloid love-in for another all English Utd v Chelsea final completely unbearable.

But praise the lord, for he has given us Tom Ovrebo.

Was the Norwegian referee completely out of his depth? Yeah sure. He got the Barca red card wrong and should have given Chelsea a couple of penalties, if not more. But who cares when his performance gave us the magic of Ballack almost jumping on him in protest and the ironic genius of Drogba chaotically chasing the ref after the final whistle before turning to the Sky camera and crying 'fucking disgrace'. Yes, Drogba, you absolute melter, what a disgrace. I guess the moment was made for you having spent half of your playing career rolling around on the ground, diving and cheating. Dry your eyes and consider what would have been had you taken that one glorious opportunity to make it 2-0. Sleep easy tonight.

What topped it off was the minutes silence from the Sky panel post-match. Jamie Redknapp almost in tears, various suggestions that the referee possibly knew what he was doing when not giving obvious expected decisions out on the pitch. Chelsea hard-done by, thoughts and prayers all round. All in all a wonderful ending to a nights football, illustrating once more the complete lack of dignity and class when defeat is dished out.

Apparently it all kicked off in the tunnel. They really do know how to take it gracefully.

In defence of Jermaine Jenas

So JJ is in trouble with the FA over his choice of words in the aftermath of the 5-2 defeat in the 'Theatre of you must be Dreaming if you think you’ll ever going to win here'.

What did JJ state exactly?

"I think it was a case of a referee crumbling under the pressure at Old Trafford really. The atmosphere, the occasion, the importance of the match, a lot of factors take their toll when making decisions."

Along with:

"One thing which struck me about it was that he [Webb] didn't even think [about the penalty decision]. It was like he'd already made his mind up when he came out for the second half that he was going to give something."

So what did he state exactly? The bloody bleeding obvious. Did Howard Webb not admit to making a mistake? Although he won’t admit to the reasons behind why he found it so easy to blow a whistle and point to the spot we all know that he did so because it’s what you do if you struggle to hold your nerve.

From the Daily Mail

But then, objectively, it’s impossible to say one way or another if the referee had made a premeditated decision to give something to the home side. But there is a culture within the game that sees some refs more inclined to be influenced by the big clubs. I know it’s pretty much hearsay and theoretical but had that penalty shout come from Spurs players in the opposite box – would he have blown the whistle? He obviously – through his own admittance - got it wrong and knew at the time he had made a mistake. Explains the yellow card (rather than red) for Gomes. So what makes a professional, whose job it is to officiate a professional game, make such a glaring amateur mistake? If he didn’t see it, if he wasn’t 100% then speak the assistant ref. Or better still, don’t give it.

What Jenas is getting at is that you have to be in a particular frame of mind to be so easily susceptible to a penalty incident and to a degree, at a subconscious level, you sort of know what you are going to do before you do it.

Decisions like these are given all the time, in games that do not carry the same weight of importance as the one on Saturday did. It’s because it was Utd and because it was an important league game and the fact that we were 2-0 up that it’s riled the players and fans alike.

In reality, its probably down to the fact that refs are just human...and rubbish. But they always seem to be less human and more rubbish when its a little club versus a big club.

Yes, we collapsed pathetically straight after it – and this should be the priority to JJ and the rest of the players rather than dwelling on the injustice of the incident. Can’t change it now. But maybe his words will linger in the thoughts of other refs. Much like when Moyes called Mike Riley a United fan.

Seems if you want decisions to go your way, you need to influence the refs yourself.

Either that, or change your team to Man Utd.

Spurs, black helicopters and men in black - The Truth is out there...

Half-time at Old Trafford

Disguised Voice: Don't leave this game alone, Agent Webb.

Webb: What?

Disguised Voice: They will not tolerate a buck to the trend.

Webb: Who are you?

Disguised Voice: I, er, can be of help to you. I've had a certain interest in your work.

Webb: How do you know about my work?

Disguised Voice: Well, let's just say that I'm in a position to know quite a lot of things, er, things about our game.

Webb: Who are you? Who do you work for?

Disguised Voice: It's unimportant; I came here to give you some valuable advice. You are exposing yourself and your fellow professionals to unnecessary risk, I advise you to change the game.

Webb: I can't do that.

Disguised Voice: You have much work to do, Agent Webb, don't jeopardise the future of your own efforts.

--

Post-match in the away dressing room

Bond: Would you explain to me what's going on.

Redknapp: I think they re-wired Webb's brain. Some kind of selective memory drain.

Bond: The brain doesn't work like that, Harry. You can't just go in and erase certain files.

Redknapp: Then you explain it to me.

Bond: There's a  type of Narcolepsy th..

Redknapp: This is not Narcolepsy, I think it's something far more deliberate and insidious.

Bond: All I'm saying, is that the science or medical technology to do what you are suggesting, does not exist.

Redknapp: And neither does the technology to re-watch the type of controversy we saw yesterday.

--

In the aftermath of the game

DEEP THROAT: Your life may be in danger.

Harry: Why?

DEEP THROAT: Mmm, you've seen things that weren't to be seen. Care and discretion, are now imperative.

Harry: I saw something I...

DEEP THROAT: As I said, I can provide you with information, but only so long as it's in my best interest to do so.

Harry: What is your interest?

DEEP THROAT: The truth.

Harry: I did see something, but it's gone, they took it from me, they erased it. You have to tell me what it was.

DEEP THROAT: Three points? Mr. Redknapp, why are those like yourself, who believe in the existence of a Premier League illuminati in this country, not dissuaded by all the evidence to the contrary?

Redknapp: Because, all the evidence to the contrary, is not entirely dissuasive.

DEEP THROAT: Precisely.

Redknapp: They're here, aren't they?

DEEP THROAT: Mr. Redknapp, they've been here for a long long time.

Redknapp: Triffic.

Re-worked from the X-Files episode 'Deep Throat (1x01) written by Chris Carter - from the excellent transcript from the Generation Terrorists site.

Two players and a referee walk into a pub.......

"What do you both want to drink?" Asks the ref.
"I'll have a pint", says one of the players. "Make mine a rum", says the other.
The ref then sneezes a 'Dummy's Guide to understanding Java' out of his nose and Deirdre from Coronation Street wakes up from her dream explaining the fundamentals of dark matter in spoken Hebrew to the badger with the head like a golf ball. He laughs and the squirrels feast on the dead carcass of themselves from the future. North Korea then star-jumps with a knowing nod and remarks 'Καλά Χριστούγεννα'.

Confused? Was that joke a little on the random side? Inexplicable and surreal? I personally thought it made far more sense than some of the decisions I witnessed during Saturdays 2-1 defeat to Blackburn Rovers.

In particular, the foul on Palacios.

No matter how many times I watch it, all I see is Aaron Mokoena shoulder-charging Wilson Palacios face. Even looks like he shapes up to hit him as he runs towards our midfield powerhouse. Surely a red card ref, no? The right honourable Mr Walton didn't see it as such, but no surprise there considering what he did and didn't see through-out the afternoon. Whether it was the penalty he gave to us, the one he didn't give to Rovers or the second yellow to Palacios.

Allardyce (if you happen to notice) subbed the defender almost immediately after Mokoena flattened Wilson. Hmm...I wonder why.

Nothing has been said about this since (from what I've seen). And not a lot was made of it at the time either. Wilson (eventually) got up and got on with it. No damage done. I can't remember Andy Gray having kittens about it either. Mountain out of a mole hill then? Maybe I'm being too protective of a player in Lilywhite.

Or perhaps it does not require a re-visit based on the fact that Wilson does not wear the colours of Man Utd/Liverpool/Chelsea/Arsenal thus deeming the incident a non-event and a simple case of over-exuberance and Wilson's face getting in the way of very legal player-to-player contact.

The irony of later on having to watch Palacios get red-carded for basically attempting to avoid physicality with Dunn (and avoid a certain card) and thus falling to the ground and still receiving a card is completely and utterly lost on me. With Johnson of Pompey sent off for running in one of the other Saturday games, it's like some kind of weird experiment in anti-football where refs are following directives set by David Lynch.

Respect the referee? Sure I will. But only after the backwards talking midget in the room with the red drapes tells me to.