Five minute update

Had to take the day off work. Not spent that much time on-line other than fleeting looks here and there. I've been dealing with projectile vomiting and diarrhoea. Baby isn't well, bless her. And having projectile vomited myself listening to the verbal diarrhoea of the resident workplace Arsenal fans yesterday, I thought it best to remain home today and sing Spurs lullabies to my daughter. And whilst she sleeps off the virus spend the time constructively, removing items of ghastly clothing from her drawers, as the missus still doesn't quite grasp the concept of 'never red'.

No Spurs game this weekend, thanks to the capitulation at Fulham that appears to have sent Alan Hutton into exile. If you're wondering, he's currently on a remote island with no means of escape punching in numbers every 108 minutes.

Talking of the Cup, good luck to Harry Kane and co over at Brisbane Road. There's a match going on there that our loaned trio are involved in. Apparently.

Blackpool up next for us. And I guess its all eyes on the fabled European Hangover. Something we've hardly suffered from and shouldn't really look to fall back on it as an excuse considering the 'rest' we have until we play them.

Sandro and Palacios in the middle again? Not for this game. Attack, relentlessly attack. No need for clever, cultured and canny dismantling here. Look to score more than them, although it would be equally mature to go there and win 1-0 or 2-0. Doubt we'll keep a clean sheet, simply because of the type of tempo the game will be played at. And we're going to concede from a set-piece, right? Ian Holloway's men fighting for the lives. Pound for pound, we need to show our quality and out box them. Knock-out punch. Although if we do happen to underestimate their plucky resistance, then happy to slug it out to remain in the top four. Make the ones looking up at us sweat a little more.

Back to the midweek win, at this rate a DVD box-set of our CL adventures could probably go towards funding a viable version of the NDP. Or perhaps we could build one or two of the new stands out of unsold copies of The Opus and save on cost. You'll have noticed the quiet removal of all the Northumberland rhetoric from the official site. Northumberland what you say? I don't know. Never happened, did it?

At least the 'S' word has crawled back into it's spacious cave in East London. I can't even recall a single sound bite from Brady in the past week or so. Happy days. However, have had one or two Hammers iron out an opinion in my direction.

"We're moving into a 60k all seater", they smugly tell me.

I guess they're make up the numbers by inciting Orient fans from across the road. Perhaps they could even look to start the migration a little early, get them in the mood. All those unsold tickets and half-season tickets, no need for empty seats at Upton Park. Not while there's Prem football on offer.

Elsewhere:

Gattuso 'afters' continue to dominate most of the post-Milan chat. Joe Jordan denies he said anything racist to provoke the hairy Italian. Still loving the footage of him punching the pitch. No, hold up, you've mis-read that. I'm not suggesting Jordan punched Gattuso. Although I'm not alone in thinking the Milan captain behaved like a female dog.

Ibra apparently lifted Bassong up with one arm in the tunnel in more post-match face-offs. Too hot to handle off the pitch. In Dawson's back pocket on it.

Champions League final prices have been released. £26 admin charge on tickets that will range from £150 - £300. Doubled the prices of last seasons final. Football: The peoples game. UEFA deny rumours that a large Coke will cost £79.

Connor Wickham. He scored a hat-trick. In the Championship. Tag him with a £15M price and link him with Tottenham. Don't shoot the messenger but I reckon there's a probability of him joining. I'll confirm the percentage after the press conference for the club he signs for towards the start of next season.

More BAE positivity. Waiting on Hansen to review his opinions. Heads up, interview on this weeks Football Focus with the coolest man in the game (Ekotto, not Alan).

Bale's return. His proper return. Meant to be AC Milan at home. I just wet myself. The good type of wet. The Italians will no doubt come with a game plan to score an early goal. No need for us to contain and counter. Width with Lennon and Bale. Trickery with Luka. Leadership with vdV. Take the game to them. No fear. Something we should make them regret after their reluctance to go for our jugular in the first leg. They are no mugs, even though they behaved like mugs at the San Siro. We should take nothing for granted. Attack them as if we're the ones losing one nil on aggregate.

Corluka. Not as bad as it looked when he was stretched off. Back in training soon. Someone not back in the side any time soon is Huddlestone. Apparently, not fit to run yet. Massive shame.

Woodgate. Out injured (shock horror) after his cameo. As if the footballing Gods were ever going to allow us to have another CB available for selection.

And finally, Jenas has tweeted. Got a white Bentley for his birthday. Giving 'em away, those Bentleys. Just giving 'em away.

Peace. Out.

Facebook discussion
Twitter musings

Nominations for the worst ever transfer rumour and ITK nonsense

Not a clue what demonic darkly lit hospital room the Woodgate to Arsenal story was birthed in. No doubt Gregory Peck failed (again) to lay waste to what feels like the six hundredth and sixtieth slice of ridiculousness. With no apparent end in sight. Other than the start of February. In these days of footballing wealth, hardly anyone is spending and it's all a bit boring especially in the ITK community which mostly appears to be reactive with whatever the press run with (which of the two creates the story in the first place is uncertain but it mostly all feels like it's based on agent BS and Harry Redknapp sound-bites).

What the Woody to the swamp story has done is remind me of a classic moment in transfer gossip from the days of Ramos at the Lane, in 2008, on the 25th of January. Easily my nomination for the most ludicrous rumour from recent years:

Carlos Puyo.

With thanks to Sky Sports News for this gem.

Here's the blog article from that epic slow-news day:

Earlier this evening we had the yellow ticker telling us that the Tiago deal is off. Then the ticker disappeared, and we were told its back on and should be completed this weekend. But nothing compares to the latest 'Sky Sports Understands'.

Yes. Read it for yourself:

Sky Sports News understands that Tottenham want to sign Barcelona defender Carlos Puyol.

Juande Ramos is thought to be keen to strengthen his defence as he continues to reshape his White Hart Lane squad.

It is claimed that Tottenham representatives are in Spain to discuss a move with the Barcelona captain.

Ramos has also been linked with an approach for Middlesbrough defender Jonathan Woodgate as he attempts to find an experienced centre-back to bring to North London.

Puyol has made 58 appearances for Spain and played in the 2002 and 2006 World Cup finals.

Yes. The Barcelona captain who has been at the club since the age of twelve. Plays Champions League football and is on about £100,000 a month. Someone appears to be sharing their crack pipe in the SSN HQ. Although modern day journalism 'breaking news stories' are dependent on what they can copy and paste from a football message board, this one just about takes the biscuit. Yes, it appeared on the yellow ticker and the auto-cue dolly bird and man-robot informed us of another exclusive. And yes, its now disappeared. Along with the little credibility this 'news' channel appears to have left.

Nothing reported in Sport, Depotivo Mundo or Catalan TV. For the record, the player isn't even in Barcelona as they are away to Bilbao this weekend. And if Spurs wont pay Fred the money he wants then....well, you work it out.

Only other explanation? Smokescreen. Or Levy is attempting to flush out the rats.

The cover-up was superb. Ticker, website article...then it's all gone and it's not referred to again, not a mention. Almost felt like it was either a prank or they were running with unsubstantiated whispers (shock horror).

Cracking stuff.

Did enjoy this update from Flannerz over at Glory Glory pre-match away to Newcastle this past weekend:

"Went to the game Saturday, but went up Thursday night and made a long weekend of it. I was in the casino Friday night and at 5am Andy Carroll turns up píssed and starts playing Blackjack. Because he was drunk and a Geordie I couldn't understand what he was saying apart from that he thought Spurs would ...win 2-1. When I asked him about joining us I couldn't understand his answer!"

We'll know if Carroll is on his way if Flannerz can remember the drunken words spoken to him on the night and then decipher the cryptic. Bit like reading most of the ITK's updates then. Which bring me onto this reprehensible example of utter pish from the Phantom of the Lane (dated 24th Jan 2011):

anyone been on the website lastminute.com?

That's it. Amazing stuff. Followed up with:

We're not done yet.
When have we ever been done before the last second of the window?
Non cryptic- We need a couple of things to happen before something happens if ya get ma drift

Phants, take your place in the hall of fame.

So your favourite worst ever transfer rumour? (Look, it's either this or another Stratford article which I'm doing my best to avoid* writing what with the announcement that the OS decision has been postponed, so work with me on this).

*Levy on SSN at time of writing in Olympic Bid special, so no doubt, expect another blog this late evening.

Gaffer on Talksport

Not a big fan of knee-jerk station TalkSport, but can't go ignoring it when our gaffer is on it. I've been on a two-day no interweb sabbatical (new world record) so in case you've missed it (which I doubt, considering how sound-bite heavy it is), here's Harry on the Drivetime show, 2nd July:

Part I
Part II

He talks about England, Fabio and the (lack of) attitude from the England players along with touching on Tottenham. Summary below.

England

'Too open for how we wanted to play with the way we lined-up, didn't get hold of the ball' - Harry saw us being far too naive and from the body language of the players, they felt uncomfortable and the suggestion (not original) was they were unhappy with it. Been here before, haven't we? Harry says he spoke to some of the players, so a bit of confirmation there.

He also talks about Fabio and uses Ramos as an example of the struggle that befalls some managers when failing to communicate to their players.

Yoof

Harry slates the kids. A generalisation obviously, but he believes that the modern day young footballer is given the worlds riches before they've actually achieved something tangible, and thus do not bother grafting as hard because of it.

Joe Cole

Off the back of the yoof thing, he uses Cole as an example as someone with the right attitude to better himself when he was a young lad aiming for greater things. Any chance of him coming to Spurs? Good chance according to Harry, but he downplays it a little saying it wont be easy - but does say he has spoken to Cole and gives away a bit (IMO) stating that Joe would want to play more often than not and that his best position is in the middle of the park (possible promises made to the player perhaps?).

Bostock

Talks about how some yoof players are best left out on loan gaining experience rather disappearing in the reserves - the suggestion re: Bostock is that the player probably should have remained at Palace for a little bit longer. Still has a future though, but I'm unsure of it myself. Mainly because Harry isn't too convincing with it.

dos Santos

Talking of yoof, you'll have heard this sound-bite already, re: dos Santos: If he could pass a nightclub as good as he could pass a ball he'd be alright. LOL indeed, a tag associated with one or two players in the past and is the perfect description for the little Mexican who apparently spends his weekends in Barca partying and calling in sick on a Monday morning. Mum and dad dos Santos visited Harry last year and apologised for their sons lack of commitment and application. Apparently he does have a future at the club if 'he gets his nut down'. Really down to the player with this one. If he can be bothered to turn up then it will be like signing a new up and coming player (again) rather than another show-pony (Adel - anyone? Actually, can I get me some confirmation on Adel - is he back training with Spurs at the Lodge on Monday?)

HavanaGate

I'm talking Aaron Lennon and that Cuban cigar. Interesting this one, because if you listen to Harry's reaction there is a pause before he answers it. Is this because he was genuinely surprised to hear it? Harry 'I work for The Sun' Redknapp, unaware of the various tabloid front-pages covering the story? Hmm. Okay. After the pause he states 'I swear I never saw that picture, I couldn't imagine him smoking a cigar, I mean my God, it was probably bigger than him, was it?' - textbook classic 'arry in full flow. He does add 'He'll lose his speed' and 'What's he smoking cigars for after losing in the WC' - so I'm expecting Azza to get a bollocking when he returns from his summer hols in Havana.

Collymore Asks

Stan asked Harry on whether we have the quality to challenge on all fronts. Simple reply, we want to bring in one or two and possibly sell one or two. Which is not really saying much at all, because we are bound to sign some players and sell some players. He (Harry) does however mention Uruguay and in particular Forlan - so either there is genuine interest or its simply mis-direction (based on what the press have been printing and allowing everyone to believe the player is a target).

Man City

'Are you worried?' - the question posed. More and more difficult to be in the top 4, replies Harry. Diplomatic answer, no doubt building it up once more to be mission impossible so the pressure is on others rather than us. And then says it's going to be more open in 2011, which it probably will much like the season past.

Woodgate

Woody is back in the country and Spurs will monitor him. He's not going to be back in training just yet, but the suggestion here is if there's no progress, Woody might have just the one option; retirement. Harry doesn't actually use the R word but it's easy to read between the lines. Fingers crossed for Woodgate. Class player, we'd do good to have him back in the fold.

Bale

Made a massive difference to us last season, but Harry believes his best position will eventually be left-back, allowing for him to run rampant up and down the left-side. Bit like Ashley Cole I guess, but this will depend on the development of his defensive duties/positioning. At the minute I prefer him on the left-wing with BAE left-back. Playe your best players in their best positions.

Harry then goes onto mention that legend Steve Perryman is in hospital after an operation, and wishes him well - which we all do. One of the finest ever servants of THFC is Steve. Hope it's nothing too serious and he's back home soon.

Harry also predicts Argentina to beat the Germans. Oops.

Happy with Bassong?

He's big, he's French, he's sitting on the bench, Seb Bassong, Seb Bassong...

Might have paid Newcastle a little too much for the lad, but it's a good solid signing, one that's a requirement to our steady progression. We signed Wilson Palacios last season (substance over style) and we've done the same in acquiring the signature of the French defender (or should that be Cameroonian?) to give us some much needed bite at the back. I've heard one or two Spurs fans bemoan the signing, suggesting Distin or Dunne as better alternatives - both of which are not exactly players with their careers in front of them. Bassong will no doubt grow in stature, thankfully (hopefully) for having better quality players around him rather than the utter dross he had to carry on his shoulder at St James Park and although he's cover for the moment, for the £8M we've spent, he has to be nurtured into a long term solution.

Ok, so we might lose him to the African Nations Cup early next year (Fulham, Birmingham and Villa are the games he might potentially miss) but Woodgate and Dawson should be there to aid King at the back. Corluka (not always convincing at CB) and possibly even Huddlestone (gulp, bit slow innit) can cover if we are really really (REALLY) desperate, but I don’t think it will come to that.

No doubting the masterplan is to have Woodgate and King as our first choice pairing and Dawson and Bassong to cover when we rest one or both of them. Daws (bless him) was possibly one of our most consistent performers last at the back, always doing his utmost to impress when called upon. Only concern is that he's yet to stand up alone in the big, bad scary world of the Prem, as he's confidence and belief is reliant on just how good the person standing next to him is. Which is why Dawson paired up with King tends to be so bloody good.

So, with all players fit, we have a strong and resilient selection of defenders to pick from. Considering this is Tottenham, it's nice to see as have such a strong spine to the side. Not quite perfect yet, but it's getting there.

Forgetting the over-priced transfer fee which is now a given with most Prem signings, this is a good move from Redknapp and Levy. Now all we need is a CM and we're fixed up for the season.

Lost in translation: Upson wants to be King?

Ledley gets selected for England. Harry has a fit. Fabio explains he wanted to see King for himself within the England set-up. King arrives. King leaves. Harry has another twitch aimed towards Fabio, who cites the Hutton injury issues to call Harry a hypocrite. Words still exchanged via exaggerated tabloid articles, including the possiblity of King perhaps being selected for England in the future. In what type of capacity, who knows.

It then all went quiet for about 20 seconds, and Matthew Upson decided that his opinion on the subject was so important, he shared it with us. Not Rio. Or Terry. But Upson. Here's the quote:

“The Ledley King situation is difficult as he is a fantastic player and everybody sees his performances. It is amazing how he can perform at that level without training.

But when you come here with England, there is a big emphasis on the training. We turn up on Monday and the training is intense, full-on. You have to recover in the afternoons because we do that all week. It would be difficult to excuse a player from training and then play him in the team. That would not fit in with the culture of the squad"

Hilarious. What culture of the squad is Upson refering to exactly? The one that sees us losing penalty shoot-outs or the one that sees players who shine for their club but fail to do so for their country when it really matters? King can handle himself just fine, whether it's rolling out of Faces nightclub or sticking Drogba in his pocket for 90 minutes - he can out perform most even if his knee is held together by blue-tac. Whether he trains or not is neither here or there. Except that it probably does mean playing for England is a broken dream. Yet, Upson still felt the need to railroad our Ledley via the red tops. Such is the concern of the young lad that he'll fall even further behind in the pecking order.

Culture of the squad, it appears, is to look after ones own agenda.

Challenge Spurs™ - Nuts to you Berbatov

Challenge Spurs™

Game 09 v (H) Manchester United
0-0, draw
Total points: 19
Position: 15th

As far as 0-0 draws go, this wasn't too shabby a game.

Atmosphere was better than recent home games too (even if Utd were fairly quiet possibly due to their reduced allocation for their insistent standing at away games - which is ridiculous - let away fans stand, leave us with an ounce of joy at the very least as you seem hell bent to take everything else from us), thanks largely to the return of Dimitar Berbatov, who looked out of sorts.

Though arguably that best describes Man Utd's away form this season. Loads of classy touches and movement, but no cutting edge when it matters. We lost Woodgate to injury early on, which meant Corluka slotted into centre-back next to awesome Dawson (King failed a fitness test, which was no great surprise). Our midfield general under-achiever (see what I did there?), Zokora, went to right-back to handle Ronaldo.

Huddlestone, came on for Woody, and into centre midfield. This type of re-shuffle usually has me crying hysterically. But things turned out fine, even with the wishfully avoidable depletion. Utd had plenty of possession but efforts on goal were shared between both teams. Look, I suck at writing up match reviews and there's no point in going into any great analytical detail because you were either at the game, watched it on Match of the Day or read it about it in the papers (not that the latter is any good for unbiased reporting).

So here's some thoughts in no particular order:

Zokora was a revelation. He looks so much better at right-back than he does in midfield, probably because the responsibility of looking after that flank is a far easier concept to handle than attempting to boss the middle of the park. I'd say he kept Ronaldo pretty quiet, but it's a far easier job when the Portuguese winger only half turns up for games nowadays. Blatantly trying to make it easy for Fergie to sell him off come the summer. Petulant little c*nt kicked out (ala Beckham, World Cup) but as our refs don't follow anything to the letter, preferring to translate the rules as they see fit depending on how bad of a day they are having, didn't give so much as a yellow card for it. Not that Dawson complained or dropped like a sack of potatoes. Maybe he should of. Earlier today the FA said they would take no action as the ref said had he seen the incident he would not have sent off Ronaldo. How fucking gracious of him.

As for Daws, he played a blinder. And Corluka continues to impress with each passing game. The same can't be said about our Russian centre-forward, Pav. Struggled in a big way to find space, hold onto the ball, do anything. 4-5-1 does seem to work for us, but Pav isn't the type of player who's made for being up front on his own. When Bent came on, nothing much changed. Modric playing just behind the forward also needs some form of tweaking, or just patience till Luka starts scoring goals. If you have a midfielder playing as the more forward player other than the lone centre-forward, then you need him scoring goals too.

He had an ok day on Saturday, nothing special. One or two mis-placed balls, which was more down to a lack of understanding than anything else . If we still had Berbatov or a player of his ilk, we would be LOL'ing at the havoc we would create upfront. Modric wouldn't have to concern himself, he'd just play the ball into the space and the Berba-ilk player would instinctively run onto the ball to receive it, unlike his second level team-mates. Oh yes I know, if if if if. Whether 'arry brings in another forward is anyone's guess.

Whispers suggest Heskey or Crouch. No, that's Heskey or Crouch, where did I say Arshavin exactly? Heskey/Crouch would hold the ball up, which would mean the midfield (Luka included) could push forward further. Modric did have a couple of worthy efforts - flying through the air like a salmon (thanks to Michael McIntyre for the half-time comedy randomness) - but his header not finding the target. And all from a wonderful Zokora cross (it's the right-back position, its magic).

He also had a dipping shot that took an ever so slight deflection. For now, Bent and Pav is all we have (Campbell is injured and isn't - for obvious reasons - a long term answer) so if they don't play together, and we stick with the 4-5-1, then Harry has to work on how we can make it work. Pav, to be fair, looks knackered having played in the summer for Russia and also 5 months of a league season before joining us. His biggest contribution was for Utd, when he got in the way of a Huddlestone pile-driver.

One rumour from Russia was that Ramos had inquired about him for Madrid, on a loan deal. Doubtful. Lennon had a great run and shot at goal. Was pretty lively, but at times came up second best to Rafael (who looks like that kid from Heroes). Bentley again failed to impress, apart from a volley from nothing moment (easily dealt with, but hey, it looked greeeeeeeeat on tv) and a free-kick which could have sneaked in, but van der Sar was equal to it. Other than that, still playing from memory.

Ekotto? Impressive. Not perfect by a long shot, but does the job well enough. Quietly consistent at the moment.

Gomes was superb. When called upon, he saved well. Very well. No signs of the dodgy keeper from recent weeks. Great save from a free-kick late on. As for the returning Berbatov, I almost fainted when I saw him chasing down a ball and tracking back to defend corners. Amazing stuff. He had one great chance, but Dawson foiled him at the last second before he had the chance to pull the trigger.

Other than that, and the usual slick touches, he wasn't at his best. Only one downer was Woodgate's injury (original rumour was he had to see a specialist (having been rushed to hospital), but according to the latest reports he is fine but will miss a game or two at the most) and Jenas has torn his calf muscle and will be out for 'months'. I know, that's two. But I did say 'only one'.

Still unbeaten against Top 4 opposition this season. Shame we lost to Sunderland, Stoke and Hull. Newcastle up next. In-form Newcastle. Another away day trip to a place where we historically get nothing.

Expect plenty of goals.

'A million percent'

Udinese 2 Spurs 0

Great interview here from Woodgate. Great because it sums up what's going on perfectly, pretty much how I or any other Spurs fan would describe the on the pitch performances at the moment. Sunday, genuinely is, a game of extraordinary importance. The fact the players are reacting badly to every bit of unfortunate luck or mistake on the pitch doesn't bode well for this game and the games that follow it. 'Losing mentality' Woodgate called it. Sums it up IMO. We are masters of it.

Once again we played a team this evening who were not that great. And yet we had one shot on goal, saw Gomes kill off the confidence we managed to build up in the opening 20 minutes with a howler - giving away the penalty - and then another inept© (copyright Tottenham Hotspur) second half performance topped with a O'Hara red card and a second Italian goal.

There was not a lot on show to suggest we will compete with Bolton. Yes, in parts, we actually played ok. But there was nothing sexy or slick and we looked a hundred years away from scoring. This is what makes it even more infuriating. We are not utterly useless like Derby County were in the Prem last year. But we are just shit enough to always lose, no matter the opposition. Udinese are second in Serie A, and until Gomes dropped a clanger we competed pretty well. Once again, no leader means when are heads go down, they stay down. Woodgate, for all his post-match talk should be doing some of it on the pitch.

What I hope has happened (at the very least) after the game is that Woody has gone mental in the dressing room, swearing/accusing and generally causing a reaction from other players. I'm talking about an old fashion verbal ding-dong, fingers pointing and frustrations aired publicly. The players have to unite and sometimes the only way is for some home truths to be told. Heads slumped, getting showered and dressed and sticking on their iPods is a no-fucking-go.

Ramos and Poyet have to also get in on the act, but somehow I can't see it. Can you?

The flip side to all this (which is still negative in this case) is that Woodgate isn't helping matters by slagging us off to the media. If he is frustrated then maybe the blame game within the dressing room is having the opposite effect because people are whispering their discontent rather than shouting it.

We also have Bentley telling everyone how 'shit' things are at the minute in magazine and radio interviews. It's grim no matter what what you read or hear.

Woodgate mentions Leeds (in the interview linked above) and how they had a better team than we do at the minute and still went down. Nobody is untouchable. On this current form, nobody will want to touch us come the January transfer window. So the players we have will be the players who will need to drag us out of this.

Relegation fight? A million percent, says our Woody rather obviously.

We are a calamity. And once again we move to our next game in the vein hope that something happens. A wink or a wave from the football Gods might just change our luck. Even a drop of piss from the God of War, falling from the heavens and onto our brow will be more than enough.

Sunday is going to be hellish. I have a feeling the God's will be napping.

Worth it?

Nothing breathtaking to report here, but thought I'd share. My brother-in-law is a cab driver, and like all cab drivers, tends to pick up a host of famous people in central London. He picked up Steve Gibson (Boro chairman) last week and got chatting to him about football (obviously). Like I said, nothing new here, but Gibson was very open about his hatred for Liverpool saying he would never do business with them. Hates Rick Parry. Explained how they saved Ziege from hell in Milan (after threats over the own goal in the Milan derby) and how Liverpool went on to tap the player up.

"Whatever I'm telling you isn't anything the papers / people don't know already", he said.

Gibson asked the cabbie what he thought of Woodgate and then said, "You wont think he's great a year from now" and rolled out the olde classic about Woody missing a training session because he had a hair appointment and another story about Woody again missing training because of an in-growing toe nail (when in fact all the player had done was cut his nails too deep and caused an irritation).

"He's only interested in the money"

Cabbie then asked him about Mido, to which he said over Christmas the player was injured and managed to put on a stone and a half in a few days Laughing , "He only has to look at food to put weight on"

Was apparently very friendly.....or bitter, depending on how you look at it.

The Didier Zokora Cup Final

Chelsea 1 Tottenham 2 aet

There was a moment in this game that had me jumping around, screaming out to the heavens muttering the same word over and over and over again.

Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.

Why Zokora? Of all the players to find himself running towards the goal, why does it have to be him? Didier, bless him, makes Steffen Freund look like Thierry Henry. But then he isn’t a goal-scoring midfielder. Even when he managed to find Cech’s head rather than the goal, he failed to compose himself and lay the ball to Berbatov or better still, find the target with the second opportunity presented to him.

See, these are the moments that pretty much define Spurs.

If only.
Almost.
Nearly.
So close.

The cruel irony is that the player who run from midfield is the one player that you know won’t be able to do what you oh so want him to do. But it was at this very moment that I had an epiphany.

Chelsea had done practically nothing all game. And rather seeing this assessment from a typical Spurs point of view, being ‘we’re gonna fuck it up’, I saw the game through the eyes of a neutral. Just for that one all-seeing moment.

There was nothing to suggest Chelsea would get something from the match. Spurs were in their ascendency. And I could see it. But before we get to this part of the game, let’s go back to the start. The opening 45 were ominous to say the least. My epiphany at this point in time was nothing but a sperm casually backstroking towards the egg.

We started brightly and created chances, but Drogba’s insistence at taking centre stage with his theatrics proved to be the dramatic catalyst for the wrong kind of breakthrough. This was Drogba’s no country for real men, and with each pathetic fall to the ground, it made me wish for an air-powered cattle gun. Yet another collapse to the ground, this time 30 yards out was definitely a free-kick, and the irony wasn’t lost on anyone.

What followed was a quirk that was probably noticed instantly by Ramos (mistakes like this are avoidable). A complete mess of a wall, built with Marmite rather than cement. Not only was it in the wrong place, but the fact King and Robinson failed to orchestrate some kind of organisation was unnerving. You could see exactly what Drogba was going to do. He tried it earlier. This time it was an open invitation. We hate it, they loved it. Drogba shots and scores. Robinson hardly moves. This time not because of consumption of pie, but rather the fact that even if he did dive in the general direction of where the ball was placed he wouldn’t even get there in time with rockets on his boots.

1-0 to them and much biting of nails insured.

One highlight from the first 45 minutes involved the Chelsea fans rising to sing a chorus of ‘Stand up if you hate Tottenham’. The Spurs fans stood up and sang ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’. The Chelsea faithful should really do their best to look elsewhere for that defining rivalry.

During half-time I wondered if this was going to be one of those disappointing days where efficient Chelsea do enough to stifle the game into a non-glamorous victory in their favour.

At this point I was worried. Goes without say I was enjoying the occasion, but I suddenly got sickeningly nervous of losing. Yeah sure, it’s the Carling Cup. The lickle half-breed cousin of the FA Cup. But this was Chelsea, and losing to them (and fucking ‘ell have we done a lot of that in recent years) is just not a feeling I choose to experience anymore. I hate it. I hate it more than losing to Arsenal. It’s like losing to Fulham. Why the fuck would you accept losing to Fulham?

Then there’s the fact that it’s a ticket back into the UEFA Cup. It’s not the ideal way in but it’s on offer. And with our bad start to the season costing us any true chance of finishing top 6, this is the dream ticket.

And finally, its silverware. You know. That thing other teams outside the top 4 sometimes manage to flirt with on the odd occasion the second-string eleven don’t make it through to the final. Makes the honours list look not too shabby either. What’s good for the goose...

Winning it would also make it number 15 in Cup competitions won domestically and in Europe (only Utd and Liverpool have won more). Call it just rewards for the progress made by Ramos in the short months he has been here or proof that we don’t choke when it matters. A medal of honour.

So back with the sickeningly nervous feeling, I couldn’t shake. And onto the second half.

“Huddlestone has to come on”, my mate commented.
“I can’t see where a Spurs goal is gonna come from”, I informed him a few minutes earlier.

And then Hudd came on. For Chimbonda. I burst several veins in my forehead screaming abuse at Pascal the Mercenary who was disgraceful in the ungracious manner he walked off the pitch. No urgency, no care in the world other than his vanity. And off he went down the tunnel. It’s bitterly disappointing he wasn’t sold in the January transfer window.

So with the skinny demure Hudd on, things began to change a little. A disguised pass here and there. Lennon, who might as well have been in Faces during the first half, began to show a little spark. And as I thought back to my comment about not seeing where we would score from, we go and win a penalty. Didn’t think of that one. The decision was never in doubt. Juggling the ball isn’t controversial imo. It’s nailed on, ball on the spot.

The sickeningly nervous feeling turned into a haemorrhage. Up steps Berbatov. Some Spurs fans run down to the bottom of the aisle and look upwards to the fans, preferring to watch the crowd reaction rather than the actual penalty.

Up steps the Bulgarian and in one majestically cool second we are level. Pandemonium at long last. And that little bit of hope is embracing us.

Tainio on for Steed. And Spurs continue to press and push and the tempo is now where it should be. Pace with movement and purpose. Chelsea are disjointed in comparison. Anelka isolated with zero chemistry between him and Drogba, or anyone else for that matter.

Lampard unable to control a midfield bossed by Jenas and Zokora. Jole Cole on the bench. Woodgate and King in complete command at the back for us. It’s not quite a walk in the park. More of a brisk jog with a poodle chasing behind you. But you know it’s never gonna catch up, let alone bit you on the arse. Although at this point, I still had nightmares of the poodle ripping its way through my gut like an Alien.

And then, the sperm completes its journey and my epiphany is born. The precise moment this happens is when Zokora runs through towards goal with Cech being the only person standing in the way of folklore. And you know what happens next. And nobody can believe it even though the outcome was exactly what we all knew would play out.

But when I held my head up away from my hands, I knew that this miss would not go down in history as a testament of why we always seem to fail when it matters. What had Chelsea done in the game that would lead me to believe they could go on to win it? As a Spurs fan you’d automatically think it’s more likely to be us who give something away or make a mistake. But without anchoring myself to what I would normally expect in that oh so classic defeatist manner, I was free to see the facts.

Chelsea were fucking shit and had no hope in hell of beating us. I was enlightened.

Extra-time. Jenas, not for the first time this season floats in a perfect cross and Woodgate, the most unlikely of heroes nods the ball, which is palmed back onto Woody’s face and into the net. Silk finish, it was not. But when you’ve seen Gary Mabbut score an own goal, you don’t tend to be picky about the quality of a winning goal.

It was a strange moment in the stands, at least where I was. There was almost a delay in celebrations. Fraction of a second if that. The initial header and its journey away from Cech and into Woodgate seemed to take an age. When the ball crossed the line it was Pandemonium Part II.

Keane limped off. Kaboul trotted on. Chelsea huffed and puffed without really scaring us too much, though that’s thanks to a decent stop from Robinson.

When Zokora completed his brace and overplayed a ball to Lennon that would have surely settled it beyond doubt, there was still way too much tension in the Spurs end. Not helped by David Copperfield who plucked out 3 injury time minutes to be added onto the end of the second half of extra time.

One of the best moments of the game was TT wasting time with a throw-on (good to see Spurs are finally learning to do this when it matters) and earning a yellow-card, only for Drogba to come running onto the scene to berate TT, wasting more of the precious time Chelsea had left.

And then the final whistle and 9 sodding piss poor fruitless years come to an end, and for the sixth decade on the trot our players have winner’s medals.

And we got to laugh at Drogba’s complaining to their bitter end.

Who would have ever predicated Jonathan Woodgate scoring the winning goal in a Cup Final for Spurs? Effortlessly brilliant at the back, I pray he stays fit. Same for Ledley.

Jenas and Zokora were superb in the middle of the park. Berbatov, worked hard....in fact, apart from Chimbonda, I don’t have too many complaints.

Maybe had we beaten Bolton or Boro in the final (no disrespect to either of them) then this wouldn’t mean too much. But beating Chelsea also meant that semi-final 5-1 got its icing on the cake.

Spurs stalled under Jol. We all know it. He deserves some credit for what he achieved in building the foundations, but Ramos did something that Jol could not have possibly done. And that’s masterminding the semi-final win and then lifting of the Cup.

Ramos and Poyet have galvanised us. Take this Cup success as the first hurdle crossed in the transitional cross-country race.

The players have tasted success. They have beaten a Top 4 club. They now know they have it in them. And there’s no doubt when the euphoria settles Ramos will gently ease in the mentality that next time, it should be something bigger. Something like the FA Cup, or maybe even the UEFA Cup.

We all know a sustained 4th spot position is the Holy Grail. And we all know that’s still way off. But with the chasing pack taking turns each season, it’s always open to anyone who really gives it a hard push.

So, there I was at Wembley loving every second of it.

That included Robbie Keane’s tears and utter joy at finally winning something. Berbatov also looked like something he hasn’t quite been all season. A Tottenham player. He celebrated like someone who you wouldn’t bet your money on leaving (caught up in the moment?).

And Chimbonda made an appearance along with a Spurs fan that joined in with the celebrations. The fan had more right to be there than Pascal.

Robinson can thank Cerny’s mistake for allowing him a way back into the team. Last thing he expected a few weeks back was for him to be part of the team again.

So as the fireworks fizzled out and the players disappeared down the tunnel (to finally reappear at Faces nightclub) we left Wembley happy. Chelsea fans long gone, it was pretty much the perfect Sunday.

Cheers Juande. Piece of piss wasn’t it mate?

Challenge Woodgate

Bale, King, Woodgate, Hutton. I wonder how many times this back four will line-up for us? Welcome Woody. The only spark in an otherwise dour game of football at Goodison Park last night. I challenge you to playing 5 consecutive games for Spurs (although I won't penalise if Ramos chooses to 'rest' you). Chimbonda, Huddlestone and Gunter making up the back four along with JW. King once more given the night off. 64 games since our last 0-0. Is that an achievement?

As for Hutton, looks like we bullied him (along with desperately seeking cash Rangers) into joining us. £9M. Once more we spend several million more than we should be doing, and as an additional challenge, I'm hoping to see at least one Comolli signing prove his worth and value for money.

Blog entries will be on the light side for the next four weeks as I am currently 'inbetween' homes.

One down.....any more to come?

Woodgate signed for around £7M. Though what that means for the club is anyone's guess. Hutton has gone back to Scotland (the boy just can't make up his mind) and no news on Gilberto. And its all gone quiet with any other potential signing(s).

Looking sharp there Woody

As for Woody, well, if we get the player of last season (he was superb for Boro) then we are in for a treat. This years version hasn't been that good -form wise/injuries or for that matter the one who player just 13/14 times for Madrid will make me hurl abuse at Comolli and Levy from a distance (I'll use rotten eggs for when I'm up close).

As long as he behaves himself OFF the pitch then we should do just right. Big if. Considering the stories coming out of Boro at the minute.

Logically, it's a bit insane really. I mean, he does have form for lack of form and he does spend an awful long time out injured. So the medical he passed at Spurs would suggest he is 'ok' at the minute. £7M for a crock would not be a good thing on the back of £8M for Kaboul and the same amount for Zokora. The fact that King has suffered from injuries in recent years makes it even more insane that we would look to bring in Woodgate as cover or a new partner for Ledders.

One extreme to another with us. This signing better pay off on the pitch otherwise Levy and Comolli will have a lot to answer for sanctioning this signing.

SSN continues to mug its self off

SSN are now reporting there has been no Arsenal bid and that Keith Lamb has said only 2 clubs have made an offer for the player. Sky now looking to 'sweep this under the carpet' faster than they can say 'egg on face'.

They first take a slice of news from their 'rival' station (Setanta News) that Arsenal have bid for Woodgate. Yellow ticker follows and then we are treated to the usual trash they churn out when they claim to have an exclusive.

All based on unconfirmed reports, we get to listen to emails sent in by fans and bookie odds (making Arsenal the odds on favs to sign the player). Then the yellow ticker disappears and not too soon after we are told there has been no 3rd club and that Boro have confirmed this and that now, Woodgate is odds on to sign for Spurs.

All damning evidence of the previous exclusive gone and not to be mentioned again.

It's cheap tv at its very best. Like an interactive copy of The Sun.