Nominations for the worst ever transfer rumour and ITK nonsense
Monday, January 24, 2011 at 7:50PM Not a clue what demonic darkly lit hospital room the Woodgate to Arsenal story was birthed in. No doubt Gregory Peck failed (again) to lay waste to what feels like the six hundredth and sixtieth slice of ridiculousness. With no apparent end in sight. Other than the start of February. In these days of footballing wealth, hardly anyone is spending and it's all a bit boring especially in the ITK community which mostly appears to be reactive with whatever the press run with (which of the two creates the story in the first place is uncertain but it mostly all feels like it's based on agent BS and Harry Redknapp sound-bites).
What the Woody to the swamp story has done is remind me of a classic moment in transfer gossip from the days of Ramos at the Lane, in 2008, on the 25th of January. Easily my nomination for the most ludicrous rumour from recent years:
Carlos Puyo.
With thanks to Sky Sports News for this gem.
Here's the blog article from that epic slow-news day:
Earlier this evening we had the yellow ticker telling us that the Tiago deal is off. Then the ticker disappeared, and we were told its back on and should be completed this weekend. But nothing compares to the latest 'Sky Sports Understands'.
Yes. Read it for yourself:
Sky Sports News understands that Tottenham want to sign Barcelona defender Carlos Puyol.
Juande Ramos is thought to be keen to strengthen his defence as he continues to reshape his White Hart Lane squad.
It is claimed that Tottenham representatives are in Spain to discuss a move with the Barcelona captain.
Ramos has also been linked with an approach for Middlesbrough defender Jonathan Woodgate as he attempts to find an experienced centre-back to bring to North London.
Puyol has made 58 appearances for Spain and played in the 2002 and 2006 World Cup finals.
Yes. The Barcelona captain who has been at the club since the age of twelve. Plays Champions League football and is on about £100,000 a month. Someone appears to be sharing their crack pipe in the SSN HQ. Although modern day journalism 'breaking news stories' are dependent on what they can copy and paste from a football message board, this one just about takes the biscuit. Yes, it appeared on the yellow ticker and the auto-cue dolly bird and man-robot informed us of another exclusive. And yes, its now disappeared. Along with the little credibility this 'news' channel appears to have left.
Nothing reported in Sport, Depotivo Mundo or Catalan TV. For the record, the player isn't even in Barcelona as they are away to Bilbao this weekend. And if Spurs wont pay Fred the money he wants then....well, you work it out.
Only other explanation? Smokescreen. Or Levy is attempting to flush out the rats.
The cover-up was superb. Ticker, website article...then it's all gone and it's not referred to again, not a mention. Almost felt like it was either a prank or they were running with unsubstantiated whispers (shock horror).
Cracking stuff.
Did enjoy this update from Flannerz over at Glory Glory pre-match away to Newcastle this past weekend:
"Went to the game Saturday, but went up Thursday night and made a long weekend of it. I was in the casino Friday night and at 5am Andy Carroll turns up píssed and starts playing Blackjack. Because he was drunk and a Geordie I couldn't understand what he was saying apart from that he thought Spurs would ...win 2-1. When I asked him about joining us I couldn't understand his answer!"
We'll know if Carroll is on his way if Flannerz can remember the drunken words spoken to him on the night and then decipher the cryptic. Bit like reading most of the ITK's updates then. Which bring me onto this reprehensible example of utter pish from the Phantom of the Lane (dated 24th Jan 2011):
anyone been on the website lastminute.com?
That's it. Amazing stuff. Followed up with:
We're not done yet.
When have we ever been done before the last second of the window?
Non cryptic- We need a couple of things to happen before something happens if ya get ma drift
Phants, take your place in the hall of fame.
So your favourite worst ever transfer rumour? (Look, it's either this or another Stratford article which I'm doing my best to avoid* writing what with the announcement that the OS decision has been postponed, so work with me on this).
*Levy on SSN at time of writing in Olympic Bid special, so no doubt, expect another blog this late evening.
Reader Comments (40)
the return of paul robinson, from skysports tonight
http://www.skysports.com/story/0,19528,12876_6699465,00.html
That's you banned from SpursCommunity, where dissent is verboten and Robbie Keane is better than Messi
karen brady to spurs lol
the man previously known as "Englands number 1" back at the lane, cause now Gomes is apparently crap. Lazy bs journos.
I don't know how close we came because I was only about 12 at the time, but Rivaldo is definitely a favourite!
Hoddle telling everyone that Rivaldo sent a letter to explain why he was not signing was probably the most embarrassing transfer footnote.
Phantom of the Lane is a self important prick. Cryptic cover all comments. Lastminute.com thats ITK? twat.
Almost as laughable is adiepf - Saurez, Carroll or FFabiano n. or maybe none. thankss mate.
Levy saying the NLD project is no longer viable ... except that is exactly what he has just said.
I though Phantom was one of the better ITKs? Oh wait....
So now the NDP is no longer viable.
Why doesn't Levy just fuck off instead of trying his hardest to move the world's greatest club from its spiritual home in the interest of making himself a tidy profit further up the line?
Bent to Villa for 23million?
this is really irritating me, I didn't get to see the skysports new debate can someone give me an unbiased review of what was said
Yeah......'sniff' why don't he just go fuck himself 'scratches bollocks and farts' I hope he sells the club to the first Arab, no, I mean Indian....no wait a minute Yank....oh fuck it.....just leave it outside Oxfam in a bag, we'll sort it out.
Levy, Splitter, what has he ever done for us?
Having a manager who is constantly dropping hints about deals and has an opinion to give on every player doesn't help. The ITK and rumour brigade have a field day making up stories about this club knowing that it's difficult to to distinguish fact from fiction.
Bored of this window. Do think Levy has someone lined up to cool all the heated debate away from Stratford.
Ed, bad news mate. we're moving - lock stock and cock - Levy hates Lammy, Lammy hates Levy..it's all to much. Lammy was just on SkySports holding aloft the beating heart of pig spouting all-sorts of shit about wheel clamping White Hart Lane and confiscating Tottenham High road.
Levy seems slightly irked that the 60,000 capacity for the new WHL project are expected to come and go on pogo-sticks rather than new shiny tube trains!
Lammy just seems irked.
haha
Author of Comment
No! I think this season has just exploded in our collective expectant faces!
Chelsea just won the title at Bolton.
The worst ITK rumor was Van Der Vaart to Tottenham for around 8 million quid.
Oh wait... that happened.
adiepf has got to be the worst ever! even his fellow ITK's are questioning him!
After he said he would lose his appendages if Saurez does'nt sign for us,I'm kinda hoping we dont sign him.
Beckham . . . ; )
More from POTL, master of the cryptic conundrum
[Update 136] POTL re: Things Hotting up
Date 23rd Jan
Quote:
Its hotting up.
Super hot..
In the Capital. ...................WTF?????
Can anyone recall whether the signing of VDV was mentioned by any of the ITK before it happened ?
I don't think it was, so maybe there will be another shock signing this window.
Yidopaul the banker saying that we've signed Adebayor from webuyanycunt.com after he'd signed a finance agreement on a new car... could still happen though and Yidopaul might still have a job.
for me it has to be the tosser that is harry hotspur, he spouted off few weeks ago that we are signing benzema from real madrid on loan knowing that he was RM's only recognised striker, ok i will look pretty stupid IF it happens but im that confident it's BS that i would place my house on it!!
Any chance of a letter to Levy?
Best one by far... 'we will make our move for a striker by wednesday' i mean f8ck me i can't wait for wednesday now!!!
"Any chance of a letter to Levy?"
Was thinking about this earlier. The old style type of frantic inane ranting ilk of letter.
Problem is, I've covered so much on Stratford, it will be mostly a repeat performance.
Unless I keep it very short and sweet.
Just draw a very mean, childish, caricature of Levy and put it up here. Also post it to him along with a bag of shit.
Why has January turned into a nightmare we have not won we got beat at Everton second half's, we have taken one of there dwarfs to complete the smallest middle half of of a team since North Korea 1966 team. Now when thing couldn't get any worse Drugba is back and they are scoring so are Utd Man CITY and Arsoles and they are leaving us in there energised slipstream . Let me explain why no transfer would make me happy in this shocking league i have spent hours trying to tell you all why Bolton Blackpool l Arsenal Chelsea Blackburn Fulham Stoke Wigan even West Ham will hit form when the grim reaper comes calling all these teams have had bad press and all have suddenly hit the high tempo and there form has bean just has bad has good. i call them media teams when the media attack them there form increases or there managers gets the sack depending how big there ambitions are. These four teams have uped there tempo since the Mirror columnist tipped us to win the league i laughed to myself knowing the grim reaper teams would be waiting for us Utd Unbeaten Newcastle worried about getting sucked into the dog fight and they where waiting with a centre half who mugged Hutton by turning into Andy Carroll in a curly wig. We dont need more players but UKAD to get of there fat overpaid arses and stop teams from Using Spurs for points because of Bale and Lennons Speeds they tempo top up to prevent them ripping them apart with there speed and that is our problem . I could take you back to when Wenger was distraught about is team now they are world beaters Utd and City where one defeat from Mancini getting sacked . We have lost our Bale from constant media frenzie linking hmi with every club bar the one he was playing fantastic football in a team wowing Europe but getting mugged in the faster premiership with top up energy. So we can go three ways stay where we are and lower our ambitions and join the tempo teams or move to Stratford and become a big club or stay in Tottenham and build a new ground get fleeced and have no money to evolve for years.
Anyone recall how we were going to sign four Dutchmen from Real at the start of last season?
Davspur is a legend.
"... Newcastle worried about getting sucked into the dog fight and they where waiting with a centre half who mugged Hutton by turning into Andy Carroll in a curly wig."
You've killed me :-)
Seriously though. If we don't sign a striker but re-sign Paul Dropinson then I will really really start disliking (tamed language) Harry Redknapp. I celebrated day and night when that misfit left and though I survived the return of the over-rated Robert Keane, I dont think I could stand this sh*t (Its worse than moving to Stratford). Paul DRopinson, Jenas & Crouch? That would be a 2nd Division team right there. And yet Harry wants to talk about winning the league!
Letter to Levy: http://martincloake.wordpress.com/2011/01/25/an-open-letter-to-daniel-levy/
Ronnie, with you on that one... Andy Carroll in a curly wig nearly had cornflakes all over my monitor.
... But Whisky Tom's 'Lammy holding aloft the beating heart of a pig' wins my award for post of the year and it's only January.
I reckon let woody go to arsenal, establish them firmly in the bitch position and then take him back towards the final push when they need a decent center back the most, god knows he'd be the only one there. In football terms it would be the corperate equivilent of t-bagging
TMWNN - posted a link in a blog to that letter. Ta.
We might be needing this soon:
http://www.londonbrownfieldsites.org/Mapping/
Another classic from the Phantom... "Its starting to get interesting Coysers".
..he clearly gives too much away, I fear for his source!
So we are signing COYSERS then. I have heard he is very good.