Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 2:20PM 2006-7 p6 W1 D1 L4
2007-8 p6 W1 D1 L4
2008-9 p4 W0 D1 L3
If we defeat Wigan at the Lane on Sunday and then draw the next Prem game - it will be our best start in 3 seasons.
Crisis, what crisis? This is just normal sodding service.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 1:10PM In light of Levy and his money-collecting habits, the lads from COYS have provided the following football chants, proving that when they leave alone all the ITK rumourwhoring, they can produce something worthy of a smile. Enjoy.
AIM listed,
la la la,
AIM listed,
la la la.
My old man,
Said be a Tottenham fan,
I said fuck off bollocks,
I'm an accountant.
"Daniel Levy's In-the-Black armeee!"
"Kick the ball with your FTSE, my son!!!"
Cos if you know your share prices...
it's enough to make your heart go ooooohhhhhhhh....
we don't care what the other investment groups say
what they hell should we care
cos we only know
when there's gonna be profit taking show
that Tottenham Hotspur (PLC) will be there....
(sang to the tune of 'Grand Old Team')
"The referee's a banker, the referee's a banker!"
"Oh when the cash comes rolling in, Oh when the cash comes rolling in, I wanna see telephone numbers, when the cash comes rolling in"
COOOOOME ON YOU SHARES
Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 11:51AM
Part I
Wilsa Karkow (UEFA Cup)
Part II
Wigan (Prem)
Wigan more so than Karkow. If we lose on Sunday.....end of days will be upon us. Relegation will be a distinct possibility - and if it means ridding the club of all the over-rated players, expensive season tickets, shit Premiership merchandise and Levy and the board - then I say, LETS EMBRACE THE CHAMPIONSHIP. It happened once before, and we came back stronger.
If Wigan defeat us - then my campaign for 'LETS RELEGATE SPURS' will begin in earnest, and I hope the wise among you join me in achieving this goal.
Relegation will purge the delusions of grandeur we suffer from and turn us into 'West Ham' fans - happy with entertaining football and getting one over the big boys now and again. Lack of high expectations means less pressure on the players and less chance of falling flat on our faces.
~Spooky
Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 6:43PM Spurs pretend-flirt with the bottom three places all the time. We lift up our short skirt and bend over, teasing ever so playfully - but never does the big cock of relegation penetrate our anus. The chastity of mid-table always retains the little dignity we possess.
Things are not exactly pretty statistically at the moment. Ramos has been Spurs boss for almost 12 months. In that time we’ve played 31 league games winning 10, drawing 10 and losing 11. We’ve notched 1 league win in our last 11 games and haven’t scored more than a single league goal since March when we won 2-0 v Pompey. Bale has played 12 league games and in those games Spurs have never registered a win.
If you take all the league games played in the calendar year of 2008 we sit second from bottom with 5 wins in 22 games (8 draws, 9 defeats). With a total of 23 points compared to Chelsea who are top with 54 points. Those 5 glorious victories came against:
Sunderland (h)
Derby (a)
West Ham (h)
Portsmouth (h)
Reading (a)
It’s all compounded further with the sorry fact that this is our worst start in 34 years. And if you want to get uber-depressive about all this (if you’re not moving to Bridgend already), this season we haven’t deserved to win any of the games we have lost. All winnable, very much, you would think and hope. But 0 points against Boro, Sunderland and Villa is exactly what our performance was deserving of. Sure, we retain the ball and pass it about, but every counter attack from the opposition seems to end with them scoring. The two goals we buried into the back of the net were both fortunate rather than something created from a spark of magic.
But in the midst of all this chaos and dejection, it’s not surprising if a first win sets us on our way. We seem to start poorly, more so these days. The higher the expectation, the more embarrassed we are. So, up and coming:
Spurs v Wilsa Karkow (UEFA Cup)
Spurs V Wigan (Prem)
Newcastle v Spurs (Carling Cup)
Pompey v Spurs (Prem)
Wilsa Karkow v Spurs (UEFA Cup)
Spurs v Hull (Prem)
6 games. Six defining matches. Thursday is an evening of football where Spurs cannot fail to impress and convince.
Ramos – play your sodding strongest side. Play to the players strengths.
As for the players – show some fucking heart, spirit and pride.
Boss the pitch. Movement with urgency and trickery. Dominate and win handsomely.
And the fans? Calm the fuck down you bunch of absolute melters. Stop obsessing with stats and harping on about Martin Jol because I’m sure the ones questioning his ‘sacking’ and wanting him back are the same tools that wanted him sacked. Jol, undermined and spent had to leave our club. 3 fucking defeats and you want Ramos out and Jol back? Honestly, I don’t know what’s worse. Being bottom of the table or listening to the fickleness that our supporters are preaching.
COYS and lock Bale in cupboard till Monday.
~Spooky
Monday, September 15, 2008 at 11:21PM Spurs 1 Aston Villa 2
What a shambles. I can't even be arsed to dwell too much on this miserable evening, so I'll stick to the main points.
We have three games in the space of a week. Villa, some Polish side and then Wigan on Sunday. So, what does Ramos do? He selects a disjointed and weakened side in arguably our toughest game of the three. Bentley dropped to the Bench, King rested completely. And selecting Huddlestone and Dawson to play against the pace and movement of Villa was a monumental fuck up. Not helped by a typical Zokora display of complete non-existence, we sat back and watched Villa out run us, out move us, out pace us - the lot. Embarrassing.
Even when we did start to play possession football deep into the second half, there was still no end product. In fact the only person attempting end product is the one person who has no end product. Lennon.
The first Villa goal was scored when Huddlestone lost his man. The second, I'm not going to dwell on Gomes allowing the ball to slip under him. Gomes in the first half saved us from going into the dressing room at half-time, 4-0 down. Dawson was at fault for this one. That shot should never have been fired towards goal.
I didn't see Bent's consolation. I was already on my way out.
4 played, one draw, three defeats - two of them at home. Had we played a full strength team, I'm uncertain if the result would have been any different.
Now, you could argue losing Berbatov and Keane isn't something we are going to recover from in a handful of games. But you could also argue, that if Levy, Comolli and Ramos have been assembling this squad since the start of the summer, then resting players shouldn't result in such a shambolic performance. All tonight illustrates is that there is no true depth - which means, play the strongest side possible when a win is most needed. What we get instead is glue, sticking us to the bottom of the league.
Huddlestone should only be used as an impact sub on current form and mobility. Dawson if everyone else is injured. Zokora's over-hyped performance at Chelsea masked his deficiencies once more, for all of 5 minutes, before it dawned on the faithful that he is in fact fucking gush. At least young Gio gave us some hope.
Poor Pav, upfront - running into space and behind defenders waiting for a ball that will never arrive. Again, its unfair to be critical of either Pav or Bent. At the moment they look too similar to be playing together - but they do need time to gel (or attempt to do so). So surely tactically, something should have been agreed upon, because if the tactic was hoofing the ball for someone to get their head on it and for someone else to run onto it, then fuck are we fucked.
I'm back at White Hart Pain on Thursday for more comedy. I live the life of a fucking king, I do.
~ Spooky
Monday, September 15, 2008 at 3:25PM Massive massive game down at the Lane this evening. Lose this and we are practically relegated. I'm taking my Levy effigy to the game. And believe me, it will burn along with my season ticket if we do not put in a convincing performance.
The pressure is on for Modric, who after 3 games, is an expensive flop (Talksport confirmed this). The little man is now fighting to keep his place in the first team.
In last seasons corresponding fixture we went 4-1 down before making it 4-4 in the final seconds. Cardiac football at its very best. However, Villa's record at the Lane is not a great one, but MON's hard-working, pacey team might just have the backbone to contain Jenas and therefore secure more than just a point with the likes of Young and Abonglahor key players in their away day mission.
All eyes on Tottenham's new Russian striker, Pavlychenko. He's no moody Bulgarian. But is he just a tall non-Ukrainian Sergi Rebrov? Pav, if you are a racist like Sergi - avoiding the crime out in the streets of Tottenham is one thing, but be warned, men in white get mugged all the time out on the pitch.
Prediction: Much pre-match hype followed by disillusion, anguish and crying.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008 at 3:53PM Has been given the number 23 shirt.
Genius PR there.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008 at 7:41AM Gone midnight, September 2nd.
Dear Mr Levy,
I’m conflicted. I can’t seem to make up my mind whether everything that’s happened falls on the side of good or abject disdain. As I sit here in the dirt, I find myself thinking if I’ve actually, in some misguided way, done you a favour. Was I better off just letting things run their course to help cement your legacy to the bottom of the sea of failure? Or was I right to be pro-active, stopping the car and it's driver from reaching the Lodge? Am I seeing this from the wrong perspective? Is there an unbinding connection between the two of us? Are you Palpatine to my Skywalker? And if so, why is Jar Jar Binks our director of football?
My car is parked down the road, a safe distance from your home. The boot is locked. And what’s in it is safe and sound, and still breathing. Though will need to be returned to it's rightful owner later on. I’ve been sat here in the hedge, camouflaged, for about an hour. Green paint covering my face. I’ve been contemplating, reciting passages from The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Helps me meditate. But now I find myself whispering into my microphone, dictating my thoughts. My trusted PSP-10 Cybereye second generation multi-purpose night vision system with head-mountable (cushioned for comfort) and additional camera-adaptable, c/w 2 stage IR illuminator functionality allows me to see through the darkness and into your kitchen window as you make your cup of Earl Gray. This might not be Baghdad, but I know how a reconnaissance marine must feel when they are this close to an enemy. The desire to strike down evil is strong. But I resist. My mind uncertain.
I’m using the hands-free on my Cybereye to zoom. It’s definitely the best value for money NVG on the market. Although battery life could be better. And some kind of anti-squirrel alert mechanism would be handy. Vicious little buggers. Boy do they cry like bitches when they get dicked with pepper-spray. Ever since that incident at the Lodge with Berbatov and the squirrels, I’ve had them on my case. I think squirrels everywhere have issued a Fatwā on me for kidnapping some of their brethren and force-feeding them Red Bull as part of my unsuccessful attempt to induce injury on Dimitar, in Operation Nuts.
Sorry. Side-tracked. All is quiet. It’s 02:13 am. It’s a peaceful night. I think it’s starting to rain. I still have a little bit of coffee left. Not that you would care, all comfy and warm indoors. Sitting in your lush kitchen, dunking your ginger nut biscuit into your tea, in your red and white pyjamas, plugging in your laptop. Why do you look so smug? Have we been successful on this final day of the transfer window? Have we? I’m not asking you that question, I’m asking myself. Because I don’t know whether to use my midi-chlorians for the greater good and force you out or to simply embrace the dark side and help the club, even if it means helping you avoid disaster.
Let’s start with Sunday.
Chelsea v Spurs.
A lucky 1-1 survival at the impenetrable Stamford Bridge. Bent once again on his own upfront. Zokora, the enforcer, in a 5-man midfield that included Bentley, Gio, Modric and Jenas in his usual position. So, a 4-man midfield. The defence was tight. The keeper more than capable. But the midfield once more unbalanced resulting with Bent having to make do with his shadow as a partner, heading the ball from Gomes long kicks to nobody. In the first half, we were ineffective. Like an erect porn star with no testicles, where was the moneyshot going to come from?
In that same half, the opening goal came from Bent slicing the ball into the path of Belletti who scored and our equalizer came from Lampard directing the ball into the path of Bent who slotted it in. Darren with an assist and a goal. Not bad for a man on his own, isolated and alone. In the second 45, did we dig deep and defend well to frustrate them or did they simply perform poorly and due to our complete lack of inventiveness and urgency, failed to capitalise in any shape or form?
For all of Zokora’s running around, one misplaced through-ball and he looks to the ground, ignoring the fact that there's still a ball to win back. There he stood, staring at the ground where he lost the ball. Waiting for it to open up and eat you Didier? We live in hope. Tactical changes, we saw Lennon came on for Gio and Huddlestone for Gunter, which resulted with Jenas slipping into the right-back position. It was like watching Duncan Edwards. At least the second half resulted with Modric supporting Bent a little more effectively. All a little bit better than the first. But not great.
Two mistakes, two goals, score draw. Second from bottom in the table. One point from a possible nine. 50 goal front pair partnership gone. Wonderful stuff three games in.
Pavlyuchenko wasn’t signed in time to play in the derby. But apparently he’s injured. Great signing then. A player who has scored some goals in Russia in the past couple of years and a brace against England and three in the Euro’s. Doesn’t sound like you’ve done much scouting on this one, have you? Just watched a bit of tv recently. Will he compliment Bent? Is he a replacement for Keane? What does he do exactly? Can he play in the Premiership? Is he suited to the English game? How long is he going to take to settle? Will he be able to give us what Keane gave us? Or Berbatov for that matter? What’s his first touch like? Does he have tricky feet? Why hasn’t he scored yet? What’s wrong with this bloke? £14M for a player who seems incapable of answering any of these questions from the off. His name is too long for him to be any good. Did someone say Rebrov? No, then I’ll say it. Rebrov. Rebrov. Rebrov. Rebrov. Rebrov. Rebrov. Just slightly taller, not Ukrainian, but with the same goofy smile. And more expensive.
And don’t think I’m going to skip pass Didier Sickora’s new contract, much like most players skip past his non-existent presence in the centre-circle. You offered this sham a new improved four year contract? Does he have pictures of you in a sexually prerogative pose with your car’s exhaust pipe? He joined us from St Etienne following some fine displays at the World Cup. Those are your words from the official site. Some fine displays. Can you possibly define that for me? Did we sign Zokora because Comolli and your good self thought:
“Mmmm, ok, we lack an engine – a true midfield warrior with a silk touch. We don’t have a Gerrard or an Essien, and we sold Carrick to Utd and we keep failing at stealing other clubs academy players whom we can then develop into world class players, so let’s really go all out here. Let’s fill a hole that has turned into a pit of mediocrity by spending some money on a...wait for it...yes, you got that right....a fine player. Yes, a fine player. Not an excellent player. Definitely not a potentially brilliant player. No time for experienced and proven either. We need a fine player. Only needs to have had a handful of fine games. Because that’s what’s missing from our midfield. Doesn’t need to be capable of passing, its fine. As long as he can give free kicks away in dangerous areas, and has that fineability factor we so desperately lack need”.
Liverpool have the dynamic goal-scoring Gerrard. Utd have the orchestral Carrick and the hard-working Hargreaves. Chelsea have the sublime Essien and we have the fine Zokora who had some fine games in a World Cup. Even Arsenal have a better DM than us and they don’t actually have one. What does Zokora do? He runs with the ball in a straight line then shoots widely over the bar. He’s not too far off 100 appearances for Spurs and in that time he is best remembered for that miss at Wembley. We’ve spent a lot of money on Modric – so how can we expect him to blossom and begin to create and score if he has to look over his shoulder in case Zokora tackles him by mistake? Adding Jenas into the same midfield is just taking the fucking piss. That’s like two Zokora’s lined-up to help you out. No wonder Modric looks so pale and fragile. He can’t sleep or eat, all nervous and scared. A day earlier, Kaboul was clearing a certain goal off the line for his new club. Take that Comolli! Four years and counting, your search goes on.
We won’t win a thing with a lightweight midfield. Grit, determination and steel. A holy trinity that has evaded us for the past 30 years. Can that possibly change before midnight, September 2nd?
Do I have time to talk about Jenas? Of course I do. Let me talk about Jenas while you browse the ‘net and enjoy your tea. Reliable. Professional. Disciplined. Vice-captain of Tottenham. Ramos is apparently ‘bringing the best football out of him’. A major improvement in form since the Spaniards arrival. Twenty-four year old Jenas. Still young. An untouchable.
Let me tell you something about Jenas. The greatest trick he ever pulled was convincing the world he existed.
Reliable? Reliably inconsistent.
Professional? So is Titus Bramble.
Disciplined? In the art of choking.
Vice-captain? Poster-boy.
Jenas is all hype. The epitome of our club. Our heartbeat, the foundation of what the team should be built on has two players in key positions made of plastic, melting under the spotlight.
But maybe it’s not all down to Jenas and Zokora. Berbatov’s bad influence has been cited by Ramos, and rejected by Woodgate. Mixed up the hymn sheets there chaps? Also, the gospel according to Juande, has Chelsea down as built to be champions or contenders in every trophy they care to enter, signing top-echelon stars from any team in the world, true cream of the crop stuff. And that we are not in their league. We are in a different league. Two clubs moving in slightly different directions. An admittance of frustration? I’m sure Ramos is laying in his bed wondering what happened to that expected flurry of furious transfer action before the window closed a few hours ago. I know I am.
Corluka, who actually passed a medical and wore a Spurs shirt for publicity photos a few weeks back finally, officially, signed on the dotted line. Cometh a new right-back to add to Hutton and Gunter. Who can also play in midfield and at centre-back. Not very well going by the tonkings City have got when he’s played outside of the RB position. £8.5M to ease Modric into London life? Where will he play once Hutton is back from injury is a mystery. I’d slot him into the DM position. Hell, why not? May as well give it a go. Got no one else.
Hmm. IP masking and proxy servers. Bit techie aren’t you Daniel? What are you browsing that amuses you so much? Need to move a little to the left, and zoom in for a better look.
So going into the final day, we found ourselves needing a DM and two forwards. Arshavin has now disposed Diego on the ‘most epic of epic Spurs transfer sagas’ list. It’s on, off, on, off, on, off, on, off. Zenit purchase Danny Miguel for £24M. On, off, on, off. There is utterly no point in trying to run through a timeline of events concerning this summer fiasco. Zenit, moving the goal posts on the value of their player. Spurs, on the face of it, ducking out of paying a few extra million. The player quoted as wanting to join us having spoken to Ramos. Agent talk that the deal is alive. And so onwards again with off, on, off, on, off, on. Never can you trust club officials to speak the truth, much like agents. So we were left in the hands of the ITK’s posting their information on message boards, everyone praying that the deal would go through.
‘Arshavin is 97.45% done. Actually, it’s more 97.22%, but if you’re in GMT then consider it 98.23% when the clock strikes quarter past now. Agent confident. We’ve made a bid. Medical the problem, due to time constraints. He’s apparently in Russia, where I’ve been informed, Zenit are based, but don’t quote me on that. 82% certainty of Zenits current location’.
Then Zenit tell everyone no deal. But apparently, they are fibbing. The ITK’s still claimed it was going to happen. Bid was made, but rejected. Spurs had apparently missed the window of opportunity to seal the deal. A three month window. Arshavin won’t be leaving in this transfer window. Obviously, as an ITK, if you read between the lines, this actually meant the deal is being done or more likely, Zenit are teasing Spurs for more money. I’m guessing the clue is in the word ‘rejected’. Who would have guessed? Once the ITK information grapevine evaporated, we found ourselves looking down into the barrel of a shotgun, about to fire a bullet of disappointment through our imagination.
No link up of Arshavin and Pav. We miss out on an attacking midfielder, something we are crying out for. So much effort to bring him in wasted. Falcao, Milito, Garcia....nothing other than cryptic promises from club insiders. The Veleso link also died, but then it just sounded like a rehash of an old story. No DM either then.
In the midst of all this, over at Middle Eastlands, the Arabs had landed. Suddenly, City were bidding for anyone and everyone. £30M+ for Berbatov. Villa another target along with the German Gomes. The new owners, showing intent and PR. We accept a bid for Berba. You are unlikely to say no, are you Daniel? So off he goes to meet Mark Hughes, but on the way up there he is greeted by Ferguson and co, rushed off to Old Trafford and has a medical and agrees personal terms. Without our permission, Berbatov meets with the manager of Manchester United. The delirium of City potentially hijacking the transfer fades into reality. Utd will get their man.
Zoom functionally at optimum. What the hell are you laughing at now Levy? What is that site?
So tick tock. It’s about twenty to eleven and no fee had been agreed with Utd at this point. City were on the verge of confirming Robinho as their man, having bid for him too. They do what we failed with Arshavin in the space of an afternoon. Midnight passes. And soon we are told that Berba has gone for £30.75M.
Now. Here’s where my confliction arises.
You have turned us into Utd’s bitch. A feeder club, supplying finely tuned players making a jump from UEFA Cup to Champions League. We hiss and fit, but always give in. Arnesen to Chelsea. Keane to Liverpool. And now Berbatov to Utd. Gone, is our complaint to the FA about their conduct. Barry is still a Villa player. Ronaldo, ironically, still at Old Trafford. But we lose Keane and Dimitar in quick succession. And as a further kick in the balls, while we’re already writhing in agony on the ground, Utd loan us Frazier Campbell, he of 15 goals for Hull City, fame. We are embarrassingly shambolic and weak. Spineless and greedy. Business before football our philosophy. Another attempt in ‘standing tall in the face of adversity’ shat on, as we allow Utd to bully us.
Remember your statement on the website when you first told the world about your complaint and Keane and Berbatov’s desire to leave? You mentioned seeking out quality replacements. You knew this was on the cards, yet gone midnight on transfer deadline day, we have a Championship quality forward joining us. If you wanted to do what Martin O’Neil and Ferguson did to Barry and Ronaldo respectively, and that’s ignore their announcements of wanting to leave, then it sort of fails to work if you actually end up selling both players. Just say no to the players. No to the pursuers. But then, a man with no principles simply can’t say no....no to money. Both Keane and Berba were on long term contracts. You do the math. You work it out. It’s happened three times, which means it’s surely going to happen again. And again.
Three long months to nail this player conundrum and we leave it till the last day to tidy up. If you look at what we’ve managed to lose since last season:
Berbatov. £30M
Keane. £20M.
Defoe. £8M.
Almost £60M made. With just £14M spent on Pavlechenko. A lot of change sitting deep in your pocket. Where was our Robinho bid?
All this deflected, momentarily, away from the fact that no DM was forthcoming either. Not sure I’ve mentioned that. So no ‘top class’ forward to help Bent and Pav. No DM. Just a player Ferguson deems not good enough to retain in his squad, for a year at least while he looks on to see if he can handle Premier life.
City, with a rejuvenated SWP and a Brazilian wonderkid, are looking a better bet than us for a crack at the top 4. Why do we wait until the last day? If you want a player, sign him when you want him. Waiting till the last day means you have no certain targets, which means Comolli isn’t doing his job.
One experienced striker available in Europe (Bent), joined by an inexperienced Campbell. Pav cup-tied. One injury and we are screwed.
Mercy.
Great, finally, you’re making another cup of tea which means I can see your laptop screen clearly......Oh. Look at that. You appear to be slumming it online. How drool.
So, anyway. That’s one perspective. But as incompetent as you are leading the club in signing players we need, excluding that, the Dimitar Dilemma is far more straight forward than the knee-jerk explanation everyone is crying about. Hysteria won’t blind my eyes to the obvious.
Ronaldo and Barry have never refused to play for the clubs. They are professionals (although time will tell how professional they are). Berbatov, ‘not in the right frame of mind’, has refused. It’s not been said out loud, but if you make yourself unselectable through sulking, then it counts. And that, regardless of who you are and what you may have achieved or how important or good a player you are, makes you a certified outcast. Keeping a player of this ilk is an insult to the club and fans. He's been sulking since last season over a move.
Keane, respectfully, asked to leave and was allowed to do so, because at £20M you have to bite Rafa’s hand off.
So how did the Berba move pan out? How did you mastermind the transfer of the century? Simply by using the old trusted “tapping up” accusation trick as a scare tactic and bargaining chip. You did it with Chelsea. You did it with Liverpool. And you did it with Utd.
No fee agreed With Utd before 11:40pm on Monday. Fee agreed with City. Yet over at OT Berba is having his medical. What business did he have being there if there was no permission granted? No matter. The fee would be bumped up for Utd to pay extra for the privilege of avoiding a tribunal where they could have potentially lost points for their illegal approach. Sure, people can blame the Arabs for bidding £30M if they want, but the facts can’t be disputed, even if SSN and everyone else want to avoid saying it out loud.
See, I know your game. You drive the biggest price you can when flogging players and you threaten legal action. Utd must have forked out around £6M in ‘admin fees’ for the Bulgarian. Hush money. Immunity.
Why didn’t Fergie just pay the original £28M or so you wanted? Because he thought he could mug you off. He thought come deadline day, you would cave in and sell him in a cut-price deal of about £20M.
I can see it. Everyone, if they can be bothered to look can see it. Deciphering the Da Levy code is easy. You know that pushing a complaint through to the Prem League or FA will come to nothing because dare they even try to shake up a member of the Top Four ™. But in this case, more so than the dossier that apparently doesn't contain enough evidence, on the basis of 'no permission granted', the authorities would have to investigate how this transfer run its course. You dropped the original tapping up complaint, and got paid off for last night’s approach.
£5M or so from Chelsea for Frank. £1M from Liverpool to the Spurs Foundation and a hefty £20M fee. And a massive fee exceeding £30M from Utd. And what if City had not bid? No matter. Spurs would not have accepted a bid from Utd, had it not meet the estimation. So the entrapment would always happen. And you knew it. It was guaranteed on deadline day that Berbatov would travel to OT and would talk illegally to Utd.
Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe for the past several months you’ve been working behind the scenes to bring Frazier Campbell to the club and used the Berbatov situation as a smoke screen in securing the ‘final piece of the jigsaw’.
You truly are a Dark Lord of the Yidth. And there is my conflict. You got rid of a bad apple for a lot of money on your terms. You did 'good'.
But you failed to strengthen the team further during the last day of the window. Doesn't matter about the summer transfers, it's the last day that counts more.
In 2006, we sold Carrick to Utd. You got as much as you could out of Utd, but we were left scrambling for a replacement. In 2007 we needed a winger, a DM and a CB – and got Kevin Prince-Boateng and Kaboul. And in 2008 we sign three ‘playmakers’, one defender and two forwards. Doesn’t sound bad, but it’s an ask waiting for Pav and Bent to do a Berba/Keane combo, and it’s a bigger ask to place our hopes on Bent and Campbell in the UEFA Cup. One up front or two upfront? And still no sodding DM.
I’m sure the panel of pricks over at Sky Sports will be gutted you didn’t part with Berbatov for £20M.
But the fact is, as good as you are in deception and treachery in transfer politics of outgoing players, you are failing to usher in the totalitarian Tottenham Empire. The team, in key areas, is still weak. And your public perception leaves doubt in peoples mind.
Allow me to quote you:
“In case anyone is under the impression that we are a selling club, I should like to once again stress the policy and position of this club. We are building for the future - we are NOT a selling club.
There is a world of difference between a player who has a short period left on his contract and could look to leave on a free transfer, and a player with a long contract.
If, as we do, you have players on long contracts and the finances of the club are strong, you have no need to sell.
I am happy for anyone to judge this club by who we sell and who we don't. Our ability to attract and retain top-class players is key to our ambition to compete at the highest level - regularly in Europe and with our sights set on Champions League qualification."
Carrick. Keane. Berbatov.
Do you understand now why I’m conflicted and confused? 9 in, 9 out this season. For the money made, I expected more. More attacking midfielders and strikers. And a world class defensive midfielder. Sure, everyone was fine pre-season with the squad, but three games in, it’s obvious we are simply not good enough. Is Ramos truly content with having Pav, Bent and Campbell as his strike force? Should we expect more managerial turmoil soon? Will Poyet who looks unhappy in post match interviews walk?
And what do you plan to do with all that money? Fill your indoor swimming pool with the cash and dive in head first, rejoicing a healthy profit margin? I’m sure a debauched orgy with the directors and shareholders will follow at some point. Bagels sprinkled with cocaine and hookers wearing nothing but Spurs home kit socks.
Before I arrived here, to your manor, and positioned myself in this here undergrowth, I spent the day out and about. Quietly policing the vicinity around the Lodge. Out of sight. Waiting. Watching. We wouldn’t just want anyone turning up to Chigwell. The bloke in the tree wasn’t going to pose a problem. I found him mumbling, in some kind of trance, saying ‘Klass-Jan Huntelaar’ over and over again as he rocked backwards and forwards. He was no threat to my plan.
So I waited. And when required, for which I was, I did what needed to be done. I made a judgement call. I got rid of a newly arrived unwanted guest heading towards the Lodge.
See I bleed Tottenham. But you, on a night when Spurs fans are bemoaning the lack of £20M superstar signing, you’re posting on a message board and laughing your silly little bald pale-face off, enjoying yet another homebrew and biscuit. And what kind of username is w8campbell anyway? Could you not think of anything more original?
Fuck this. I’m out of here. Operation Shit Through Levy’s Letterbox is a no go. I repeat a no go.
You are devious Levy, like my good self. But you are not ‘complete’. You have far too many flaws. You do the hard stuff easy, but fumble with the simple things. I’m conflicted no more. We all know what happens to Palpatine.
Doing what needs to be done is something we both strive for. You got the money you wanted for Berbatov but you failed to assist Ramos and Poyet with additional players. As for me, I did what had to be done to avert a potentially catastrophic disaster.
And it’s in the boot of my car. The big soft lump. I did you a favour, that’s for sure. Because if I allowed the medical to happen, it would have been a mistake too far.
Time to switch the microphone off. I’ve got a long drive to Wigan ahead of me. I have something that belongs to them.
*CLICK*
Thursday, August 28, 2008 at 10:51AM 5 days left. I’m going to try and round things up with little humour and satire (saving it all for the clusterfuck of a letter I’ll be writing post-Chelsea defeat/transfer window closure).
Berbatov, an outcast if you believe what you hear, is still struggling to engineer his move to Utd via his good hearted agent. Levy can either hold out for £30M (or whatever his estimation is) or find himself with egg on face by selling him to Utd for whatever Utd offer. Dimitar, unfortunately, is no Gareth Barry. Levy is no Cool Hand Luke. After all that’s been said, if he gives in to Fergie and sells him even for a million less that his ‘value’ then what exactly was the point? Can we handle the publicity of retaining Berbatov? In principle don’t see why not if we don’t get an acceptable bid. We got one for Keane, which is why he was sold. That and 6 years loyalty. But keeping the Bulgarian will be more trouble than its worth based on his sulking and hissy fits. Which means ‘egg on face’ is the most likely of outcomes, which is why Fergie is so smug. Levy has been played.
Monaco this Friday is where, you would hope, Spurs/Utd/Zenit finally conclude their bit of business. The Arshavin deal is apparently back on again (was it ever off?) which would help ease matters substantially if he joins round about the same time that Pavlyuchenko receives his visa. No official word from Spurs, but Pav has told everyone he’s Spurs bound. Not a bad player, taking into account his record from the past few seasons – but not as accomplished as Berbatov was prior to his move to us from Germany. Huntelaar has been linked, though his agent has denied the tabloid stories. Not fussed with this, as recent Dutch signings to the Prem (Kezman, Kuyt) haven’t exactly been rock’n’rolla. Same applies with the Radamel Falcao link (Colombian who plays for River Plate).
Veloso (DM) and Corluka (CB, RB) have also been linked again this week. Whether stories are being rehashed due to desperation or their clubs are now itching to let them go with the deadline looming is anyone guess. City are being linked with Zabaleta, whose agent has said that the player won’t be competing with Corluka for the RB position. Whether that means they are both set to play in different positions for City or that Corluka will be sold is a ITK’s wet dream.
Pavlyuchenko.
Arshavin.
Veloso.
Corluka.
If those four were signed, then the ‘SPURS FOR 4TH SPOT’ delusion will back on course. Regardless of the 3 played, 3 defeats, 0 points standing order cometh the 1st September.
Lee YP has departed. Couple of other reserve players (including Pekhart) have gone out on loan. Several others, I’m sure will be picked up (loan or otherwise) before next Monday.
Going back to Berbatov again, story of the week has focused on him now being an outcast at the Lodge. Whether Woody did have a word with Berbatov or not is debatable. The Bulgarians strops and sulks are petulant but to call him disruptive is quite ironic considering he was our best player when he came on as a sub against Boro. Ramos and Woodgate have publicly disagreed with each other over the disruptiveness (Ramos saying it’s affected the dressing room, Woodgate saying we can’t use that to blame for our results). So to then read that allegedly Woody had a go at him in the ‘dressing room’ and since then the player has been isolated seems a tad hypocritical. Funny old game.
It’s not good regardless, and the fact both are talking about him rather than ‘Spurs’ is pretty much evidence of how Berbatov is not a good person to have anywhere near the club at the moment. Shame he can’t be a professional about it and play his heart out while both Spurs and Utd attempt to come to some sort of agreement. I refer you back to the Barry reference.
Sunday, August 24, 2008 at 12:25AM SPURS 1 SUNDERLAND 2
To all the moist Spurs fans that got their knickers wet in pre-season.....dry them. Saturdays home defeat against Sunderland illustrated that as much as we can stand back and slag off the players, the management have to take responsibility. Why over complicate matters with 4-5-1 formations (leaving Bent stranded, again) and players out of positions (Bale, Zokora, Bentley...)?
We have failed in our summer preparations to start the season with a bang, and have managed to replicate the start of last season with two lacklustre ordinary average performances.
Do we need time to gel? A little, but not something as drastic as two straight defeats. It's avoidable. The quality is there. It’s just not being maximised. It’s mostly all down to the tactics and the manager. Ramos has to motivate and instruct, and on this showing the belief is lacking and the structure is weak. Play the players in the most comfortable position available for them, let them get to grips with their new team mates by using a basic 4-4-2 (just play dos Santos upfront with Bent - again, not ideal but we have nobody else).
The Berbatov situation is now farcical. Wasn’t even in the squad because his mind wasn’t right. There is no shadow of a doubt he will leave, and that has never changed – regardless of Levy and his complaints. So if he isn’t going to play, he is not only redundant but he’s also (as the club have said countless times) a negative influence. Send him on his way, get him as far away as possible because there’s no repair for this breakdown.
I’m going to sound like a broken record, but how on earth have we managed to find ourselves in this type of situation? Again? If you profiled Spurs as a club, regardless of the year or chairman or players or coaching staff – we always take backwards steps when walking forwards is the easiest option.
Keane. Gone.
Berbatov. Going.
Bent. The only recognised striker in our squad (because we don’t actually rate our ‘kids’ to give them a chance preferring to delude everyone they need a loan spell before making it to our first time).
With two defeats out of three (make it three in three after next Sunday), we have no firepower. Maybe Bent won’t be left on his own now that two games have proven the system does not work. Even a poorish Spurs side with an unbalance midfield can rape the oppositions defence. We did that countless times last year with Berba and Keano. I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to replace both, but we have had a shedload of time to do so, and although I understand that the club ‘knows best’ and might be working their little cotton socks off behind the scenes to bring in two quality players – surely we could have sorted it before the season kicked off? Six points gone, with a serious chunk of creative spark and shots on goal disappearing with it.
But it's only two games. Well, three if you include the tonking Chelsea will dish us next weekend. Bottom of the Prem, here we come. Only way is up, yeah?
Considering how easy it is for us to buy attack minded players, I refuse to believe that we were also incapable of bringing in a fucking for fucks sake defensive fucking midfielder. Just because Arsenal have a shit midfield doesn’t mean we can get away with it too. Broken record time again, we need a sodding DM yesterday. Not sure what Jenas is meant to be. And no, I’m not going to do the easy thing and blast the lad like the easy target he is. He shouldn’t be vice-captain, and it's not his fault he is. He has problems with his own self-confidence, so how on earth is he meant to inspire the rest of our lot? He was one of our better players on Saturday. But he isn't the leader this club needs so badly.
It’s all really quite simplistic. We get drowned in all the hype (self-made by us and the tabloids) when in reality unfulfilled potential equates to not being very good. That's Jenas and Spurs.
If we had Berba and Keane upfront, we probably would have won both games, simply due to the chances we would have created. Sure, it would have possibly masked the weakness of a DM-free midfield and a defence that needs a recognised RB and another CB to cover our Rolls Royce with a puncture. But the world-class Berbatov and the energetic Irish cartwheel would have been the inspiration to the rest of the team. Goals breed confidence.
But there is no Keane or Berbatov. And Ramos and Poyet are getting it all wrong with the fancy stuff. If this is a damage limitation exercise till the 4 (we live in eternal hope) new signings are brought in – then we are getting it wrong, epically.
Five wins in the calendar year of 2008 speaks volumes about how bad we have been since that Carling Cup final. Spurs have to wipe off the bitterness surrounding Berbatov and move the fuck forward.
Sunday, August 24, 2008 at 12:25AM So, Zenit have apparently spent 30 million euros on 'Danni' - a replacement for Arshavin who they finally admit will (should) be leaving them for a new club. To coincide with this, the trustworthy press (who only 2 days ago let us know that Spurs are no longer interested and that Zenit would not drop their estimation for the player) have dropped their estimation for the player and will now accept a bid lower than £20M.
Cue, 'he might still go to Spurs' stories cropping up all over the place. Not that I don't rate him, but where would he fit in? Could he play the role Berbatov does? Is he a replacement for Keane? It's difficult to assess because he is a different type of player to the both of them, and to be fair we haven't had a Berba type of player for an absolute age so expecting a direct replacement would be bordering on the ridiculous. Doubt we could manage to get that luck so soon.
Bent. Arshavin. So that's a direct forward, a traditional sort of 'number 10' attacking mid forward......which means we need one more of the explosive type. Until then, expect us to pull out of the race for his signature and then re-enter it about half a dozen times.
