If you want it, go get it

Spurs away to QPR.

I've just this moment stopped playing with the voodoo dolls. I've exhausted all the pins. I've dished out a hex or two for good measure. Arsenal v Chelsea. That show-piece game was my doing. So boring, one of the side effects from watching it was I've regressed to a foetus. I'm blogging from the womb. I've also taken the time to prepare some protective and transfiguration spells to make sure all corners are covered (although no guarantee our actual corners will show a marked improvement in delivery. Voodoo only stretches so far).

If we win tonight, we'll claim a top 4 finish. That's my resulting has no merit in the living world prediction.

Dark magic and sacrificed mascots aside, we've got no momentum, no mojo and we've been on a downward spiral for a while. More erratic never erotic. Same squad, same players that produced scintillating football and long unbeaten runs during the first part of the season. Got too comfortable, feel asleep. Alarm clock set for wake up call. Please, do not hit the snooze button.

This is the last must win of the season. It's the end of days must win. The Godzilla of must wins. No, scrap that...It's the bastard child of Godzilla and the Kraken of must win games.

This is it.

Come on you Spurs. Rip the heart from out of my chest and kick it about for 90 minutes. It's the only way I know.

I want Mila Kunis

2-5
1-3
0-1
1-1

That's one point from four games. If we match that record in our next four games then we'll have two points from eight games. Has an endearing quality that. Feels like it belongs on a t-shirt. Can't quite put my finger on it though. I'm sure I've heard it somewhere before.

Okay, so hand on heart, I really can't be bothered to write a match report for the Chelsea game drowning in the same tactical must-haves and blah yadda ya because thanks to this non-productive run of games I'm having to repeat the same desires I lust for as a supporter from one aftermath to the next. We all know what it is we want from our team. What went missing at the Emirates is still missing four games on. It's sort of got better. Performance wise. Sort of. But the results have not. Not really. And the results are what remain paramount at this juncture of the season as we stare into the blank expression of the run-in. Nothing is quite set in stone yet. Time is still a commodity of worth. Only just.

How have we come to stand on the edge that might lead to either despair or glory?

1) Capitulation. Deserved defeat. Lost.
2) Played well, plenty of possession. Got taught a lesson in how to mug a team. Lost.
3) Disorganised but 'battered' them second half. Lost.
4) Statistically 'battered' them without really ever looking like overwhelming them and actually scoring. Managed to claw back a point from the jaws of defeat. Drew.

It's like a really crappy ground-hog day where you get stuck in the lift alone for hours on end with no means of escape rather than being stuck in the lift for hours on end with a flirty Mila Kunis.

The one repeated necessity that I've cited on a number of occasions during this spell of misery is that we need to somehow rediscover our fluency, our mojo. Be it from individualistic magic or a collective tenacity to dig out the result. Or alternatively, luck. Just a lucky break. Anything. It's not happened in the two games where we expected it to happen. Chelsea away is hardly the best place to hope it will perhaps make a surprise appearance. Because winning there (not as daunting an objective as any of the previous 22 years of mugged off visits) would switch confidence back on and we'll all marvel at how one result can change it all. We'll all scratch our heads as we witness the mentally fragile suddenly reclaim the required guile to once more go forth and conquer. Twenty-two years since we last won there. I know we don't pick our fixture list but sometimes it feels like we do.

If I shut my eyes real tight, I can see her

I'm under no illusions. Even a below par Chelsea side can cause a below par Spurs side on field headaches. The best cliché that suits this game is 'the team that wants it more will win it'. A draw would be a fine result. A win would be the important result.

Do you feel that? That eerie been here before feeling? I said I couldn't be bothered with a match report and I'm being dragged down by one.

Beyond this game, it's going to the wire, no matter the result on Saturday. Your soul has suffered aplenty in the past few weeks and it will continue to do so for a while yet.

From somewhere deep within, Tottenham Hotspur have to wake the **** up and start playing the way we know they can. The way they know they can. Lose the apologetic shrugs. I don't buy into  all this rhetoric about burn out and egos and losing focus. It's the same group of players. Pound for pound the best midfield in the country? Prove it then. Make the season counts for something. Start treating the situation with the type hunger and spirit it deserves.

Christ sake, there I go again. I'm turning into the same match preview for the fifth time in succession. I'm back in the lift. Stuck between floors. The emergency alarm doesn't work. It's ground-hog day and the inevitable conclusion to it will no doubt be waiting for me when the lift plummets down several floors to the basement and I'm left wondering why I ever walked into it in the first place.

This is not a good place to be. There is no Mila Kunis to keep me company. Even if by some miracle she did appear she'd probably morph into Meg from Family Guy. But hold up, I'm not alone any more. It's Harry. Harry Redknapp is in the corner. He's giving an interview about the England job to the lifts broken intercom.

Someone please help me. I need help.

This is Tottenham

Upcoming:

Liverpool.
Newcastle.
Arsenal.
Utd.

Followed by:

Everton.
Stoke.
Chelsea.

A magnificent seven games in what will be a defining seven weeks of football. This is not quite the run-in but it qualifies as the business end of the season (the business end being every game until we cement Champions League). We might have to dig deep, get lucky but the emphasis as ever has to be on retaining momentum. Suggestions the court case is affecting the teams focus. Opinion that we are so finely tuned that a key player missing here or there weakens us with far greater impact because of how much we rely on a very specific style of play. It’s a testing period, every game massive. Every point vital. If we trip and fall, I have no qualms about our ability to stand up, dust off and continue the march.

I’m buzzing. This pressure and at times anxiety is what football at the top is all about. There’s an edge to it because of what’s at stake. But I’m still managing to maintain some dignity and haven’t quite begun to feast on my nails. You know you’re doing something right when you go into every game echoing its importance.

Defeat isn’t something I’m entertaining in any of the above matches although the odds suggest it’s probable. But considering we’ve yet to truly disappoint in defeat this season (excluding the opening two games) I’m confident that the team can fight and perform well. It resonates, the belief. We’re going to need to be exceptional across the next four games and if we are then we might no longer feel the need to look behind (if you’re that way inclined - some prefer to still look upwards).

If you work out the points ratio to games and the fact that everybody is still prone to slipping up, we only have to continue our form (points accumulation) to retain our position. I’d rather not though. I’d rather play like we need to make up a ten point gap. I’d rather we continue to chase the impossible dream, if only to hold onto a standard that will practically guarantee a top three finish. Can’t settle with what we have, we need to always be better than our last game.

Forgetting all future fixtures, the only one that matters at the moment is Liverpool away. Two morale boosting wins against the two Manchester clubs (one over two legs) but their home form is still erratic. Traditionally a tough place to visit, much like last season when we travelled north and faced a resurgent home side to then return home with all three points. Mental strength in abundance these days and we’ll need it on Monday evening. They won’t have forgotten the spanking we dished out at the Lane. The indignity (for them) more so in the fact we could have scored double the goals we got had we not ease off and slowed the pace down to simply possession play. They’re going to want to put that right. As you would expect.

I’m not going to dwell on the past too much. It’s easy to remember their dominant cycle during the 70s and 80s and more recently their consistency in finishing top four and winning cup competitions. There’s no doubting their pedigree. But they’re in transition. They’re going to cite the past to aid in fuelling their motion forward to reclaim those past glories; it counts for very little until they’ve actually achieved it. Much like the position we’re in. For both clubs it’s wise to remember that football owes us nothing. Liverpool are still in transition. We’re several steps ahead of them. The onus is on us to prove that. Both clubs have to fulfil their immediate ambitions. For us, it’s finishing as high as possible in the league and to qualify for the CL. For them?  Consistency to lay claim towards challenging for a top place finish again.

A win for us would be demoralising for a fair few clubs inside that top seven. It really is a strong position to be in. One we are still becoming accustomed to. Several steps ahead but still on that learning curve and still earning that experience. You look at how Utd came back against Chelsea. This being a Utd side that might lack the depth of quality of previous revisions but still retain that sense of all-consuming belief, that never-say-die attitude that only Champions can possesses. We’re in there, we continue to compete, contend. We’ve got to really want it and show that desire in games like this.

As for Liverpool, their style. I can never shake off the feeling that they are quite workman like, nothing overly fancy but still well drilled with a caveat to being susceptible to lethargic performances. Their form is much like the form of older Spurs teams. Bit all over the place. Dare I say they are similar to us when we began to rebuild (for the umpteenth time), trying hard to find a cohesive pattern. Things can change quickly, so it’s best we do our utmost to widen that gap further.

Do they have players that can hurt us? For sure. I still worry about defending set-pieces (that’s if Downing manages to get a cross in successfully). A certain returning player from a lengthy ban might be making a comeback appearance. So all eyes (and lip-reading) on him. Do we have players that can hurt them? Let me think about that one. Yeah, one or two. You do get the impression that Dalglish’s men will try to take us on, bring the game to us and attack. Which should suit us fine (hoping we’ve learnt lessons re: Stoke and Swansea away). An open game means if we keep it controlled and composed at the back then we’ll have plenty of opportunity to go forward with intent.

How do we win? We win by owning the midfield. Might be an idea to play Sandro and Parker, match their work rate ethic (which  is far more one dimensional than ours) and get Modric on the ball as often as possible. Width key (as ever). Bale should do his best to stretch them to the left and only look to cut inside if the passage of play invites him to do so. Structure and discipline essential. I do hope for once Adebayor does more than bring others into play. Needs to start scoring again. Would be perfect timing if he rediscovered his touch in front of goal and went on a little run of games. Would accept arrogant, bullish displays of ruthlessness. Alternatively, Saha might have to do. Defoe (along with Lennon) not available (if you refer to official team news updates). That’s hardly been his trademark for a while. Would prance around like a character out of Glee if he was to rediscover that instinct one chance one goal state of mind. Hoping we are careful with where we give away free-kicks. They have players who can do damage by way of a dead ball.

As ever, Tottenham need to keep it Tottenham in terms of approach. We are hardly the most tactically astute side and that tends to benefit us when we go out and look to retain possession and attack/counter-attack. We play the Tottenham way, we swashbuckle but with a spine and strength that isn’t too dissimilar to Liverpool sides of yesteryear.

If we play like the second half at Eastlands or in fact if we match our almost destructive nature from the White Hart Lane 4-0, then when thinking of Anfield, you’ll most like to reply...'This is three points'. Couldn’t care less for comparisons of silverware and history. Very few clubs can come out looking better than Liverpool in terms of titles and cups. All I care about is the present and living in it. With any luck, enjoying it too.

COYS.

Love the shirt.

Three points and we get stripped

WBA (home)

I fancy us, yet something is holding me back from stripping naked and running in the rain singing ‘Glory Glory’ until perhaps after the game has ended (and we’ve won). Sunderland at home proved to be a testy affair which took one moment of unexpected class to give us the three points. WBA are unlikely to turn up and park the bus which might well work to our advantage as long as Harry has a handle on the fitness of the players.

Parker, BAE...just a couple in need of a rest. FA Cup weekend might be the opportunity Harry takes to make sure key players are rejuvenated for the game in hand the following week. Still, tonight’s game is equally as important. We slipped up against WBA last season, we can’t afford for any complacency this time round. It’s hardly a glamour game but it has to be treated like it’s a derby or cup match. Win = attack attack attack.

Will be interesting to see how we deal with the tempo, what with the energy exhausted against Swansea. We’re at home, so no excuse for lethargic displays (on the pitch and in the stands). Everyone’s had a busy festive period. If our lack of tinkering *has* effected the side and the fatigue can’t be shaken off as a collective...we’re in trouble. WBA are no mugs. They are organised and committed on their travels.

Singing in the rain. Fully clothed. Not cool.

One thing this season has told us is that Spurs don’t tend to buckle under the pressure of expectancy. That hunger for success is more than evident. Not to lose when we have a lull in performance, that’s a good trait to possess. We’ve proved our worth, we are contending and we endeavour to remain within the CL spots. That next shift in evolution and belief will come with renewed momentum. In this case, winning the home games we play in the month of Jan. Because the gap that might build up between us and others could prove to be the defining moment of the season so far.

Lennon might be back. Defoe too.

We all know the problem with rotation is that if we do so heavily we are susceptible to losing too much shape. So even with the obvious tired legs, we might only see one or two changes. Harry doesn’t tend to tinker too much. We don’t have the like-for-like key replacements for key players so he’ll adapt the formation accordingly to cater for the loss of Parker or Rafa (for example). JD’s inclusion could well lead to a more traditional 442 which should suit us with home advantage.

Quality wise, even if we made a change we should not be struggling at the Lane. Not if we wish to retain the contenders tag.

Strength and focus at the back. Midfield (Sandro) has to own the ball to allow Modric to conduct and our forward(s) have to be clinical. The later is absolutely imperative. The longer the game goes without a goal, the more confidence WBA will gain. Obvious stuff here, it’s really up to WBA to defend and counter and contain us. We have to look to take the game to them.

The crux is right there. Take the game to them; don’t even give them a second to answer back. White Hart Lane has to be bouncing, with the away end motionless.

It’s an important game. You can excuse results like the Swansea and recent Chelsea home game. Too many slip ups (even though both could be argued as decent points gained) will cost us in the long run.

Turn on the style Tottenham. Grit and class. Have us dancing in the rain (naked or otherwise).

Love the shirt.

The Biggest Game in our History™...ever.

Champions League edition

Having missed the first leg when it was shown live, and then having to sit through the full coverage knowing the gory details of our Keystone indiscretion, well…it was far from being anywhere near an enjoyable 90 minutes. I sat uncomfortably, shifting around unable to stop myself from endless disapproving nodding of the head, gasping, tirades of swearing interspersed with the word 'unbelievable'. There was more face palming than Jean Luc Picard would do on a day that would have the Borg attack Federation outposts whilst Data experienced an identity crisis and the holo-decks malfunctioned. Again.

The opening 30 minutes were very much akin to the French film Irréversible, directed by Gaspar Noé. You know the one. Some of the most uneasy viewing you could possibly ever imagine having to endure. A tormenting battering and brutal penetration leaving a dejected body, physically and mentally destroyed on the ground. And that was just the football and Michael Dawson. Don't even get me started on the film and that scene in the underpass.

But unlike Monica Bellucci's character, we are not left for dead beyond recognition (can this blog post get any more bad taste? Yes it can, hold tight). We have been embarrassed, almost humiliated. It could have been far worse, but it wasn't, and 3-2 may as well be 1-0 to them, except it isn't because we have two away goals, so the advantage is with us. It has to be with us. How could we possibly not score at the Lane? Unless we get served up a lasagne the night before, hand delivered from the Marriott Hotel by David Dein. There is simply no excuse for anything less than a convincing victory and safe passage through to the gold-paved roads of the group stages.

Perhaps in the first game we underestimated the task ahead. I know many of us did when we heard the draw. It was the best draw we could have hoped for, but not anywhere near as easy as it looked on paper. But then, that's naivety on our part. I mean, it’s a team from Switzerland, no? How could they handle a 100mph EPL club? Handle them well they did. Artificial pitch? Yes it did have a slight influence on the game, the way the ball zinged and pinged around and the way our players failed to take to it. Wasn't so much a subconscious lapse because you could visibly see them panic and freeze. Our defenders slowed down to a snails pace whilst YB cut through us like a hot axe through a cockerel made entirely of butter. I guess we were unprepared, which is scandalous considering what's at stake, but it's happened and can never be changed, so redemption is with making sure it doesn't happen again.

The more you look back the more disparaged you will feel about our initial inability to cope with the occasion. It was a choke. A combination of Harry's heimlich manoeuvre, a couple of wasteful finishes by the hosts and Pav's scorcher saving the day.

And so onwards we go into the do or die game at the Lane. Lessons learnt. The biggest game in our history, ever. Failure would mean a distinct lack of DVD releases. No 'Barcelona 0 Spurs 1' diamond encrusted club shop exclusive. No special edition Opus with it's extra glossy CL chapter with players bum-slapping each other in the changing rooms whilst Bentley and JJ dunk Harry in the bath. No doubt, over in East London, the streets will be packed with people eating and drinking like it was the Coronation all over again, another glorious chapter in their history written, statues built etc etc. Sky Sports News would probably petition to have the day extended from twenty-four hours to forty-eight so they can enjoy running the same headline long into the night.

Screw all this.

COYS. To dare is to do stuff. Positive stuff. It's no exaggeration to say that simply being there, in the groups, will be monumental in terms of stature. Sure, it might turn out to be a seasons worth of adventures, but it's one I want to experience. To push on, the players need to want it just as much. No sympathetic apologetic dejection thank you very much. Leave all that boxed up sitting next to the Ark of the Covenant in some warehouse somewhere.

But this Spurs side doesn't dwell in the past. Harry has instilled an ethic that does not disappoint when our backs are up against it.

Let's get the potential injuries out the way first. Modric, dos Santos, Pav, Keane - all apparently no-go's. King should return and apparently so will Defoe. I have a feeling (I hope) the injury plight is not half as bad as it looks, Harry mind games, with our players rested rather than risked away to Stoke.

There's also question marks surrounding our lack of goals from forwards. But the season is but two games old. And even if we do have one or two key players missing, we have enough quality, on grass, at home, to do to the Young Boys what they did to us.

They are smart, they might  consider defending in numbers and counter-attacking. Frustrate us much like one or two managed last season. But do they have the class and belief to handle life outside of their plastic fantastic? The longer the game goes on with no goal then the more it will play on our minds, on the pitch and in the stands. This won't be easy. But then again the sheer noise the home faithful will make on the return of a glory glory night at the Lane, I can't think of anything better to settle the nerves of the players. YB have travelled to Turkey and won, so they won't be scared of the hallelujahs and drumming.

This is what it's all about. These types of pressures, expectations. Get use to it. The players should be loving the adrenalin rush. There's no hiding place. There is, but it's not an option. You either want it and go out and get it or you simply disappear into a dark corner and shake uncontrollably till you pass out. Everyone who isn't Lilywhite will want us to lose, more than ever. Embrace the hate. It means we're doing something right.

Early goal. An early goal will be perfect. I don't actually think they'll going to sit back, so I can't imagine them defending for 90 minutes. I reckon they will try to seek out an away goal positively knowing that if they succeed the game will open up for them because the pressure will be on us to try and claw something back. Which will leave them to be even more adventurous. If they do defend, then patience is key.

But worrying about the opposition is a wasteful exercise. Worrying about all the various possible scenarios that might play out  is equally wasteful. When Monica Bellucci is confronted in the underpass, how different things would have been had she pulled out a gun from her handbag and shot the bastard in the face.

See, we might have been caught short on their patch. But on home territory, under the floodlights, we'll be gripping firearms like bloodthirsty assassins, firing bullets, ripping flesh off the bone till all that’s left is dog food.

Harry made some astute changes in the first game. This time round, we'll be as full strength as selection will allow us. Meaning Huddlestone will start. King will bring some much required calm at the back. Then there's the Kraken. No turning to stone for young Gareth. Bale, the beast, the stud, the Dark Knight, the best left-sided left-winger in the country (What? Yes, I did just say that, f**k you if you don't agree).

It's time to step up again. It's the life we have chosen for ourselves. Step up and cut through them like a hot knife through Swiss chocolate. A white hot knife, in a room with the air con off and radiators on full whack. In fact, the chocolate is in the oven when the knife does the damage. I want to swim in their chocolate blood.

We have the opportunity to be a part of the elite and kick the ball around in their playground. I don't care about ifs and buts about us being out of our depth if we get there. What a load of boll*cks. I want this more than I want Jessica Alba tied and gagged in my basement.  

Get at them. Get at them the way we got at Man City, and get at them some more by finding the target, with no remorse. We've had far more tricky games recently. Far bigger tests of our guile and mentality. We didn't choke. I don't expect us to choke on Wednesday. I expect us to unzip and make them choke on us. Young Boys of Bern. We're going to hurt you. We're going to come from behind and beat you, beat you bad.

Ooh. Kenneth Williams would be proud.

COYFS. To dare is to f**king do.

The biggest game in our history. Ever.

Spurs v Fulham Match Preview.

It's been a while since I've brushed off that tagline and thrown it into a blog. It's usually saved when we are in dire trouble and need to dig deep and rediscover form and belief. No different today other than the fact that rather than us struggling down below, we are still sitting in 4th spot. And the objective is simply to reignite our push to remain there.

We've swayed a little. Team hasn't flowed well, not since Lennon's injury. The Hull game was disappointing, the Liverpool game shocking and Leeds in the cup complacent. It's not all doom and gloom. Not if you bundle in the 4-0 win against Posh in there too. Last eight games, we've won four of them and only lost the one. If this is us in crisis, then we can afford a smile. But as pointed out in an earlier blog, we've allowed ourselves to degrade just a touch. And although things are not quite suicidal just yet - they might be if we continue to subtly slump. Drop down to 6th/7th and you'll be able to surf on the waves of tears down Tottenham High Rd.

How do we put it right? Team selection. Has to be tight. Has to be the best line-up we can muster up, injuries permitting. And I'd leave King on the bench if he's considered to be available. No need to risk him in this game, although the fact that we have to avoid risking our best player says just about everything that needs to be said about his predicament and the position we - as a club - continue to find ourselves in.

Corluka back in the right-back position - because Hutton is all glam going forward and second rate at the back. Dawson, anchored down to the ground concentration wise. Cool and calm and in control. He's lost his head once or twice in recent games. Needs a slap and a cuddle to re-jig his brain into position.

Wilson in the middle with Huddlestone. Yes, I said Huddlestone - whacha you gonna do about it? Would you prefer Jenas sitting there?

Bale, left back. BAE might be available - but I'd retain young Gareth. Harry still needs to have a word about his defensive duties and when to display professionalism. The issue of balance across the midfield remains thanks to Lennon's injury.

Modric cutting in from the left, Niko on the right. I guess emphasis on these two to craft and create. Because Wilson and Hudd are unlikely to inject pace into the game from centre midfield. Depends - of course - whether Hudd does play, and if he does it's also dependent on if he's going to do his quarterback routine, pinging balls from deep and releasing the forwards. Then injection of pace is more of a tempo issue and as Moddle and Niko are the 'player makers' of the side, without Lennon's outlet we need to  play with width rather than squash it all with narrow football. Dink in all you like, but we can't allow the game to get congested and hamper any swagger we aim to display.

These two players are imperative and the rest of the side will lift their game to their setting. Just hope the setting is pointing at 'sizzling' rather than 'snoozing'. Modric is still finding his feet since returning. Niko is only in a lull because his performances haven't been as sublime, but that's not to say he hasn't been performing well.

Balance restored to the Facere IMO. Well, as much as we can expect.

Up front, Defoe - just because. Hopefully some part of him is hurting. No, I'm not talking about the part that Katie Price has been jumping up and down on. I'm talking about his head, which, I guess has also been potentially sat on by…anyways what I'm actually referring to is the penalty miss and the fact that he hasn't quite destroyed anyone since Wigan at home. Has to be more determined and has to move around with a lot more oomph otherwise the Fulham defence will sit back and soak him up.

Alongside him - I have a feeling it's going to be Keane. Not sure why. I've got a gut feeling, a sense of nausea. Ideally, I'd go with Pav. Might as well give him a farewell home game. He looked sharp, alert and confident against Leeds. Granted it was against League One opposition, but he was far more composed than some of the other players. Harry should ask him to just run around a lot and kick it in the net and we'll be sorted. Crouch has to be selfish if he does play. He does plenty for us by winning headers but doesn't stab it towards goal half has often as he should. It's a sigh and a half that we've got 4 'on paper' top class strikers and they've all got issues to over-come. Some more serious than others.

We are owed a performance. Three points and two goals or more. Fulham won't make it easy and I don't think this game is going to be comfortable, unless we start rampantly. Otherwise, hard evenings work in store especially if we start to miss chances in front of goal like we've done in recent games. You saw how Leeds grew in confidence. Fulham are in a far better position to hurt us if we are wasteful.

So, in conclusion, yet another re-hashed demand from the stands for the players: Stand up, be counted, and believe. Drops of points from here onwards will ruin our challenge for that 4th spot. Simply no room for powder-puff football.

Cometh the Spurs!

Liverpool. Away.

Liverpool. Away. We never pick up all three points when on our travels to one of the Sky Sports Cartel. It's tedious. Mainly because losing has us return with tails between legs back to the repetitive status quo more times than Ian Beale begs his latest wife not to leave him. It's becoming tedious. I mean seriously, Ian is proper weasel. Why do these women allow themselves to get hitched to this wimp in the first place? He owns a fish and chip shop ffs. I guess it’s the facial hair that does the trick. Women do like a bit of facial hair.

Anyways, this game at Anfield is massive. It's got the 'biggest game of the season' trimmings all over it. Biggest game of our season thus far no doubt. Lose this and Liverpool catch-up. City and Villa will also be smiling. And everyone in the tabloids and at Sky Sports Towers will be buzzing high on glee as one of their dinosaurs sees off a great pretender and that status quo remains stable and comfortable. They don’t like change. And change never comes. It's almost like we hypnotically comply to their wishes. Much like Ian Beale hypnotises the ladies into taking a liking to him. The dirty dog.

It's a statement of intent to go there and leave with all three points. It will apply further pressure on Rafa and have people considering the realistic possibility that there is a decline at hand at Liverpool. Winning there would be a statement that we are not just great pretenders and that having past the half way stage, we can now seriously be looked upon as a team with ambitions to finish in the top 4. Now I know the irony is obvious to you and me. If Liverpool are playing poorly and if we beat them it's probably not something genuinely out of the ordinary because of our form and consistency and their constant disappointing performances. So pound-for-pound it might not quite be a David and Goliath moment or be a decisive defining juncture in our season. They're not flying. They're drowning. Well not quite, their arm floats are keeping them above water. So if we claimed a win, our players shouldn't spend the evening on an open-top bus getting smashed out of their heads.

But because it is Liverpool - this great institution of yesteryear, and because people still sort of quietly expect them to 'wake up' - beating them in their own backyard would still give us one of those sensationalist back page headlines that are usually kept for other Top 4 clubs. It would irk many for us to win and win well. Although I'm sure the headlines will be more about Liverpool losing than Spurs winning. The media agenda has never been stronger. But the three points and the gap extended between us and them would serve well for Harry and his troops and if he works it right, it will aid the self-belief in growing stronger. As long as feet remain firmly on the ground. Let the fans grow wings.

Regardless of other peoples perceptions, to us, this is akin to a cup semi-final. Sort of. At the very least it should be treated like a cup game. Go for the jugular. Take the game to them. Show absolute offensive intent and make them work hard to stop US from playing. Rather than go there and be content with sharing the points. Fuck it, this is football. It's meant to be passionate and forceful and players should be full of spirit and pride. Confidence, we know, plays a big part and our belief has lagged on occasions. Tactical naivety and lack of concentration has seen us drop points (Everton away) when we should have killed the game off. It's major test of Harry and the players.

Don't show respect. Forget about the stats and the past. Shrug off the expected. Prove it to yourselves and to us the fans that you want Top 4. It's the time for everyone in Lilywhite to became leaders. Backbone, bollocks and balls…in the back of the net.

We're in a good strong position. Liverpool are on the ropes, sluggish, but still fighting. Dig deep. Show class. Our away form has been good this season. History tells us we will choke. It's about sodding time we became masters of the Heimlich manoeuvre.

The truth will out at the Lane

Today we welcome back Darren Bent. And it's been nothing but Darren Bent we've had to listen to in the past few days. In fact all the attention has been on the return of the much-maligned-when-he-was-at-Spurs player, that I reckon I've missed Robbie Keane's latest warcry, lost somewhere between Twittering and how welcome Sunderland fans made Benty when he signed for them. Andy Reid has also been informing us about how he has nothing to prove to Spurs. It's been relatively quite in comparison to the last weekends build up. And I don't mind it a bit. Jenas might have muttered a few words about something and Harry still insists his wife would have scored the chance Darren missed, but other than that, this game seems to have sneaked up on me. It's going to be a mess if we lose to a group of ex-Lilywhites. Terrible time for Bent at Spurs according to the man himself. Let's make today an absolute nightmare for him.

Today, the talking has to take place on the pitch. I'm not going to go all ridiculous on you and tag this game as 'The Biggest Game In Our History' but in relative terms, it's going to be a tad depressing today if we lost all three points. Three successive defeats will pretty much equate to a massive loss of confidence and Harry needing to brush up on his man-management skills to bring us out of the lull and his first lickel potential crisis problem (with no Ramos to place the blame on).

In the next few weeks, we expect to see the return of Modric and the possibility of an almost practically fully fit squad. The Stoke defeat was just one of those things. The Arsenal defeat was a completely wasted North London derby. Sunderland are also in lower regions of the pretenders category, looking up at 4th spot and scratching their chin, pondering the possibility of challenging for that spot whilst Liverpool continue to lose themselves in their mini-crisis. City are stuttering subtly. Villa too. This game will go along way in showing us whether we do genuinely have the heart and mental strength to dig deep and pull ourselves back up again to something reminiscent of a month or so ago. We'll forget about the tactical limpness we've displayed against the 'Top 4' (other than the scousers) and just make sure we beat the clubs that consider themselves our 'equals' with regards to that push up to 5th/4th.

Lennon might be back today which means no more hoof and hope. Mainly because he'll be able to cross for Defoe - also back and hopefully eager and hungry to make up for his sillyness and suspension. He owes us something. So do our non-existent (last week) midfield. Palacios has not been refined in performance in recent games. He has to be on top of his game today because I doubt Sunderland are going to sit back. They will come at us. And that bloke we sold them (I'll let you guess which one I mean) will no doubt want to show everyone his weight in gold. He's already stated he plans to celebrate if he notches one. He has no qualms about doing so. He's moved on. And we need to be moving on up.

You know that blood and thunder that was missing against Arsenal? Just a slice of that will do us today. It's not just Wilson who has to bring it either. Whomever is standing by his side in the middle also has a responsibility. Three successive defeats will not look good. It will in no way spell the end of any ambitious challenge we have, because mathematically there's an age to go. But it may well hurt the players, and just prove that the fragility in the team (club) is still very much festering away. I'm not going to give up just yet. And neither should our players.

Let's avoid a Bent Twitter gloating session cometh this late evening.

Today is the day for redemption.

Spurs v Stoke: The Biggest Game in our History.....ever™ - Directors Cut

We must win tonight. No excuses.

Spurs v Stoke: The Biggest Game in our History.....ever™

How many times have we been here before? Far too many. This season we keep finding ourselves with a golden chance which would allow us to push on if we take it. When we've taken similar chances earlier in the season, we haven't built on it, meaning every time we think we’ve made the type of progress to elevate us away from the bottom three for good, we end up back there. Each time we’ve gone up against a ‘bottom 12’ club we’ve bottled in. And now we find ourselves in yet another ‘must win’ situation that will save us from the mire. These chances won't be available to us forever.

The Great Escape is on.

We can all sit back with our English cup of tea, dunking a biscuit and discussing why things have not been working out and when exactly it all started to go wrong.

We can point the finger at Ramos who in turn will point at Comolli and Levy. Others will long for Jol. You could argue Harry Redknapp speaks far too much, contradicting himself from one day to the next. When he slates the likes of Darren Bent in the press, is he doing it because brutal honesty might just inspire a reaction from the player? Or is he simply letting the player know he isn’t good enough because that's just how honest(yeah yeah) he is? When things are going well, the squad is a good set of lads, and when it's not, its the fault of the previous regime (DoF and coach) and their scatter-gun approach to transfers. Regardless - this must have some form of detrimental effect on the morale of the team, no? It's having one on the fans.

Over the past few seasons we have constantly chopped and changed our side meaning little cohesion in the way of rapport and structure from one year to the next. There is no sense of progression as a unit, a team. No growth. There is no patience from board level all the way down to the stands. If someone doesn’t fit in they are moved on and replaced. If someone doesn't perform, they get booed. All this pretty much sums up the post-Jol era (actually it sums us up since the 1990's).

And to add to the circus, this season most of our transfer dealings have been played out in the public forum, granted, the press ignite the stories – but Harry has no qualms about lapping up the camera time. Nothing wrong with this football flirting half the time (all managers are guilty of it), but the current crop of players we have must be losing motivation to see their names thrown about as part of exchange deals or being replaced or labelled as ‘not good enough’ in a TV interview or the butt of a joke.

Not that I’m defending the players as it’s nigh disgraceful they don’t attempt to react positively and prove their worth to the club. Not that they haven't tried on occasions and I can detach myself long enough from all the hype and knee-jerking to understand that if the team is lacking balance then it won't be corrected by a bit of man-management. As we've seen it's simply not enough thanks to various weak spots in key areas. A player is only as good as the players around him. It's a bit of a paradox like the end scene of the Terry Gilliam sci-fi classic Twelve Monkeys when Bruce Willis makes eye contact with his much younger self. No matter what, this will always happen in an infinite loop, never to be broken. There's something very Tottenham about that. However, Willis does not have the option of Palacios and one or two others to gatecrash and change the course of history. So even with the fixture list working against us, we have a new injection that will soon stir things up a little. Otherwise, our Eleven Monkeys will take us back in time to the late 70's when we dropped down a division.

Harry has to take start taking responsibility without the constant necessity for sound-bites and cheap-shots.... (if you've fallen out of your chair, I'll give you a moment to compose yourself).

So, like I said, we could sit back and discuss the whys and wtfs for an age. Regardless of how it happened, the only reason to look back and work it out is to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Daniel Levy needs to take responsibility with how we’ve managed to go from two 5th spots to this. But for the moment, that isn’t important. We can worry about it later. What’s important now is we go back to winning ways starting with tonight’s game against Stoke. It’s all up to the players. It’s in their hands. Once again, it's a chance to start moving upwards.

Can they handle the responsibility?

Do they comprehend that we face a struggle to stay up if our form doesn’t change NOW? We are in the midst of it and our form should have changed weeks back. To dare is to do, right? Then know your history and stop feeling sorry for yourselves you absolute melters of a club side.

Palacios and Chimbonda are not available for tonight’s game. Cudicini might well start in place of the injured Gomes. Woodgate, Lennon and Modric are all carrying knocks but will probably start. As for potential newcomers, Jones is no longer a viable transfer target (he’s signed a new contract with Sunderland – so I was thankfully wrong about that potential signing). Tabloids are happy to let Robbie Keane go, but might want Lennon in a swap (thanks, but no thanks). And Fred (Lyon) is now being linked and has reportedly flown to London for talks. Some ITK's are suggesting a fee has already been agreed and he'll be watching from the stands tonight.

Stoke will be no push-overs. Just ask Chelsea. We should have beaten Pompey last time out in the Prem. But I’m bored with the should haves.

Epic Fail

Our manager has made the insightful statement that ‘you can pull yourself out with a couple of results’, with regards to our league position. Really? Is that not what we did when you first took over? The problem has been sustaining that must-win attitude all the time and not just now and again. That’s why we are still bottom and not sitting comfortably in the top half.

It’s bricking-it time. There are 16 games left and the comfort of always having time on our hands to change our luck is fast running out. At the moment it’s far too much of the to dare is to do nothing from our players.

Tottenham Hotspur. I dare you.

I dare you take the game from the scruff of the neck from the opening second.
I dare you to boss the midfield.
I dare you to be constantly hungry for the ball.
I dare you to attack with urgency and pace.
I dare you to get men into the box and attack the ball.
I dare you to be first to every second-ball.
I dare you to retain possession with style and confidence.
I dare you to tackle with determination.
I dare you to play with passion and spirit
I dare you to show leadership and belief.
I dare you to wear the shirt with pride.
I dare you to stand tall for the fans.
I dare you to swagger.

I dare you to win. Pick up the three points and see it as a job well done, but nothing more, before focusing on the next game and the next three points. Pat yourselves on the back after you push through the 40 point barrier or when safety is assured.

If we can’t muster up a better than decent performance at home against Stoke City, then the players we have don’t care enough to be bothered about whether we stay up or go down. 11 jigsaw pieces from 11 different puzzles will send us down.

Dramatical metaphors and Custer’s Last Stand war-cries aside, having new blood at the club will only work if the players already there are galvanized by the fear of failure and strive to make amends and match the enthusiasm the new (and not so new) signings bring to the side.

If Tottenham manage to roll over for Stoke 'haven't won away in the league' City, then I promise you, I will endeavour to campaign relentlessly for our relegation to the Championship where our rebirth will be one of true grandeur and spirit, akin to the Keith Burkinshaw side that returned to top flight football to win Cups and play with undoubted style and grace. Then again we might get stuck down there for 5 years and end up ground-sharing with Leyton Orient.

All we have is hope then.

I’m going to close my eyes and imagine Steve McQueen makes if over the border and into Switzerland.

How to 'not' lose games and alienate your fans

This has been done before, but I feel a reprise is in order. This is dedicated to some of the lads at Glory-Glory.co.uk who are drowning in their own depression. Again.

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THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™ : The Final Chapter: Redux
Spurs v Pompey, 4pm kick-off, Sunday 18th Jan, 2009.

This is it people. End of days. The last hooray. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid attempting to get to their horses. Charlton Heston thumping the sand at the end of Planet of the Apes. Rocky losing out to Creed. Steve McQueen not quite making the motorcycle jump over the border.

We are gush, make no mistake about it. And there's not a whiff of a blockbuster performance in sight. Not until those new arrivals make an entrance. Unless City nick 'em off us.

We are doing just about enough in each game to lose. Usually in the dying seconds. Rolling over and having our tummy's tickled is our most endearing quality, which is why the opposition love to play us. We haven't been overwhelmed or battered by anyone yet. We just turn up, go one or two goals down, and quietly die on the pitch while the opposing team, usually not that much better than us in terms of individual quality, just more so plucky and willing, get their heads in front and comfortably hold on to win.

Grit

We've heard it all now. From players and management. All the sound-bites and ill-fated battle cries. Players, formations, tactics, substitutions. There is nothing left in the way of 'that one last chance'. Our past 3 or 4 games in the Prem have been 'must wins'. Imperative for us to leave the mire behind and climb steady upwards.

Those, with each passing week, were the games that would change our form and kick-start our season for a second time, since the arrival of Harry Redknapp. And almost all have ended in abject defeat. We've done more side-stepping than Vinny Samways.

We haven't got any worse over the past few weeks, but we haven't improved. Just stagnated. Any suggested individual improvement is fairly invisible to the human eye. What we've managed to add to this cauldron of crap is the ability to throw it away at the death. We're not just pressing down on the self-destruct button, we are head-butting it.

Less backbone than a jellyfish. Our superfluous stars have sat back into the comfort zone after their initial positive reaction to the appointment of 'arry. But If they made their own luck in that first grouping of games - dragging themselves off the bottom, then surely then can muster up more of the same? Surely personal pride, pride for the Lilywhite and pride as people earning thousands of pounds can muster up in front of loyal home fans the grit to brush aside Pompey and once more, go on a run of point-accumulating results to ease our worries?

Passion

Blame Ramos and that woeful start, strange tactics and formation and a ton of lost points. Blame Comolli and his random unbalanced signings. Blame Levy and his lack of leadership. Blame Jenas for anything you fancy. Blame Bentley who can't cross or find a white shirt with a simple pass. Blame Bale and his voodoo. Blame Redknapp and his insistent jabbering to the press. It doesn't matter any more who is at fault. What matters now is who will take responsibility and get us out of this mess. And the eleven players who represent us should be the ones who turn it around once and for all because regardless of management and pre-match talk, it's the 90 minutes on the pitch that count.

There is no lower ebb than being 5 or 6 points adrift and that will happen if we don't start winning consistently. It's do or die time. Because every defeat going forward brings us closer to Championship football and Doncaster away.

Luck (the good type) is non-existent for us at the minute, and all mathematical omens are more ominous than the Grim Reaper taking a seat next to you at a doctors appointment.

Sunday is no longer about measured tactical ploys or 4-5-1's. Sunday has be a Cup final (forget the Milk Cup). Sunday has to be about setting the precedence for every game after that with regards to performance. Performance equating to: Fight, urgency, spirit, desire, guts, passion, belief and pride.

Go one down? Heads up, chests out, f*cking well go for the jugular and claw/scratch/kick/bite your way back into the game. Go one up? Then push for a second with all your sodding might. Start to believe, regain that swagger and that confidence. Because even without Berbatov and Keane and a true DM - we still have players of quality. Yes Harry, unbalanced or not, these players still have enough about them. That includes you Defoe. Show us it was worth the effort and money to bring you back. Show us you have grown as a player. All of you - show us you have enough and some to get us above West Brom, Stoke, Boro and several others into the comfort of 12th place.

A win, 3 points, it's not the f*cking Holy Grail! Dry those f*cking eyes, get a grip you melters and win the sodding game. Getting smacked around by third-rate teams like we're a crack whore begging for a hit from her weasel pimp is F*CKING PATHETIC.

We are down to basics. Every time we have prayed that our players would take the game by the scruff (Wigan, Hull, Stoke, Fulham, Newcastle etc) we have failed miserably. Its now do or die.

Leadership

Over-dramatic? If I was drunk or high or both I might suggest that losing to Pompey won't be the end, because a dozen teams above us are just as poor and inconsistent. But this is a chance to galvanise the club prior to any new arrivals turning up. If we don't believe, we don't deserve.

That's what we are all hoping a win against Pompey will do. Galvanise. Because we have no choice now due to the maths and our position and the upcoming fixtures. 17 games left. We have to start somewhere. And putting it off every week means less points to grab as we near the nerve-shattering end. We control our destiny, we can't control the form of others around us. Too good to go down? We haven't even been good enough to claw ourselves to mid-table.

At some point soon, the bottom half will begin to stretch a little and divides will appear between the teams at the very bottom and the teams just above them. And if you are sat in 20th place, worried about your points tally, then there is no worse position to be if you are in possession of that calculator of doom. We have to start winning.

So all that's left is for the home fans to sing till their mouths bleed and for the team out on the pitch to remember who they are and reclaim some self-respect and respect for the club and its fans and its history. Forget about that mug Campbell. Forget about those Pompey fans and their hatred for 'arry and Defoe. One thing matters on Sunday. Tottenham Hotspur. So make sure the players bloody well know you're there and cheer them on for every single second the ball is in play.

If the noise and our current league predicament doesn't inspire them? I'd suggest we sack them, run an X-Factor style competition to find out who the most athletic 20 Spurs fans are, and then stick them in the Lilywhite shirt. Because determination wise, they will run till their lungs collapse. And at least win/lose/draw - we can say we we're proud of the effort.

Once again, for one last time, it's over to you.....Gomes, Cesar, Alnwick, Corluka, Gunter, Bale, Dawson, King, Woodgate, Rocha, Huddlestone, Zokora, Modric, O'Hara, Lennon, Bentley, Taarabt, Bent, Defoe, Pavlyuchenko, Campbell....

Portsmouth....you can stick your cowbell. Make sure you bring a f*ckin' shinebox instead.

How to lose games and alienate your fans

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™ : The Final Chapter
Spurs v Bolton, 3pm kick-off, Sunday 26th.

You know, we always called each other Yids. Like you said to, uh, somebody: You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a Yiddo. He's one of us: You understand? We were Tottenham fans. Lilywhites. But Jimmy and I could never sit in the West Stand because we we didn't drive Mercs. It didn't even matter if you didn't own an Opus. To become a member of the Park Lane crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Spurs so they can trace all your relatives back to the old days in the 1960's. See, it's the highest honour they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can fuck around with you. It also means you could fuck around with anybody just as long as the old bill and stewards wasn't watching. It's like a license to chant. It's a license to do anything. As far as Jimmy was concerned with Tommy being ITK, it was like we were all ITK. We would now have one of our own up a tree at the Lodge

~ Yidfellows, 1961 - 2008

This is it people. End of days. The last hooray. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Charlton Heston thumping the sand at the end of Planet of the Apes. Rocky losing out to Creed. Steve McQueen not quite making the motorcycle jump over the border.

We are gush, make no mistake about it. And there's not a whiff of a blockbuster performance in sight.

We are doing just about enough in each game to lose. We haven't been overwhelmed or battered by anyone yet. We just turn up, go one goal down, and quietly die on the pitch while the opposition, usually not that much better than us, more so plucky, get their heads in front and comfortably hold on to win.

Grit

We've heard it all now. From players and management. All the soundbites and ill-fated battle cries. Players, formations, tactics, substitutions. There is nothing left in the way of 'that one last chance'. Our past 3 or 4 games in the Prem have been 'must wins'. The game that will change our form and kick-start our season. And each one has ended in defeat. We've done more side-stepping than Vinny Samways.

We haven't got any worse over the past few weeks, in fact arguably we've improved. But that improvement is fairly invisible to the human eye, thanks to the fact that the results have remained the same. What we've managed to add to this cauldron of crap is red cards. We're not just pressing down on the self-destruct button, we are head-butting it.

It's impossible to know if the players are shit because the manager has lost all respect, or if the players are shit regardless or if the manager is shit or if the squad is so disjointed due to lost players and ineffective signings that nobody quite knows what the fuck is going on. Or all of the above.

Passion

Blame Ramos. Blame Comolli. Blame Levy. Blame Jenas. It doesn't matter any more who is at fault. What matters now is who will take responsibility and get us out of this mess. And the eleven players who represent us should be the ones because regardless of management and pre-match talk, it's the 90 minutes on the pitch that count. There is no lower ebb. We are there already. And it's do or die time. Because every defeat going forwards brings us closer to Championship football.

Luck (the good type) is also non-existent, and all mathematical omens are more ominous than the Grim Reaper taking a seat next to you at a doctors appointment.

Sunday is no longer about measured tactical ploys or 4-5-1. Sunday has be a Cup final (only one we'll get this season). Sunday has to be about setting the precedence for every game after that with regards to performance. Performance equating to: Fight, urgency, spirit, desire, guts, passion, belief and pride.

Go one down? Heads up, chests out, fucking well go for the jugular and claw/scratch/kick/bite your way back into the game. Go one up? Then push for a second with all your sodding might. Start to believe, regain that swagger and that confidence. Because even without Berbatov and Keane and a true DM - we still have players of quality. Enough of them to get us above Newcastle, Stoke, Fulham, Everton at the very least.

A win, 3 points, is not the fucking Holy Grail! Dry those fucking eyes, get a grip and win the sodding game. Getting smacked around by third-rate teams like we're a crack whore begging for a hit from her weasel pimp is FUCKING PATHETIC.

We are down to basics. Every time we have prayed that our players would take the game by the scruff (Wigan, Hull, Stoke etc) we have failed miserably. Its now do or die.

Leadership

Over-dramatic? If I was drunk on rum I might suggest that losing to Bolton won't be the end, because Ramos would walk/be sacked and the new coach might galvanise the side to such an extent that the same bunch of players start to perform minor miracles. But that's pretty unlikely based on the fact that this dire form has been a year in the making. But then, that's what we are all hoping a win against Bolton will do. Galvanise. Because we have no choice now due to the maths and our position and the upcoming fixtures. With or without Ramos, we have to start winning.

So all that's left is for the home fans to sing till their mouths bleed and for the team out on the pitch to remember who they are and reclaim some self-respect and respect for the club and its fans and its history.

Otherwise, I'd suggest we sack the lot of them, run an X-Factor style competition to find out who the most athletic 20 Spurs fans are, and then stick them in the Lilywhite shirt. Because determination wise, they will run till their lungs collapse. And at least win/lose/draw - we can say we we're proud of the effort.

For one last time, it's over to you.....Gomes, Hutton, Woodgate, King, Gunter, Corluka, Gilberto, O'Hara, Zokora, Jenas, Lennon, Bentley, Modric, Gio, Bent, Campbell, Pavlyuchenko....

Bolton Wanderers..... go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.