Sir David Attenborough at White Hart Lane

Here, in the midst of the north London plains, we find ourselves fortunate to witness one of natures true wonders. The rare sighting of a Pavlyuchenko. A Russian breed that is not often seen out in the wild so far away from its homeland. It's apologetic and worried face is akin to what a polar bear in the Sahara would look like. It is in search for respite. But much like our Polar Bear, it does not appear to be comfortable in its surroundings.

It appears to move gracefully as it looks for prey. However, he's not accustomed to the ways of this land and will soon struggle to feed his ever-lasting hunger. For the Pavlyunchenko flatters to device. Unlike the rampant Defoe, the 'Pav' struggles when he's expected to thrive. When going in for the strike he suffers from one of natures more embarrassing dispositions. Stage fright. There he goes, a certainty you think, but no. Yet another opportunity goes missing. If it continues to find itself in good positions, only to lose its chance, it will prove to be a long and cold winter for this sorry beast.

He needs to be able to pin down an attack and ravage it with acute confidence as it feasts on the glory of the kill. This would send out a message to others around him. I'm here and I'm staying. But at the moment, he's hardly noticed. This, some would say, is a perfect illustration of an animal that is lost in a jungle far away from its home. Feeling sorry for its self, it will waste away if its unable to claim a victim rather than be one. There are alternatives for the Pav. It can attempt to journey back east and look for a new home where there are less prying eyes.

For now it looks on with envy as the sometimes cumbersome giant, the Huddlestone, uses its power and strength in battle. The Hudd eats well. It never misses a meal. But then the Hudd is one of natures more fortunate souls as it roams the plains alongside the Palacios panther. The Palacios, second only to the King of the Jungle who is currently out of sight resting, is a formidable creature that fears nothing. It's tenacity unparalleled, it seeks to fight it's enemies and never fails in stopping any over-confident animal that dares to run past. We are truly in honour of its presence, and with no Lennon gazelle to dazzle us with its pace, watch the Palacios and its some what conflicted mix of beauty and menace as it protects its domain.

Sir David, up close and personal with Jermaine Jenas

And over here. We have something equally rare for altogether different reasons. The David Bentley. Look at this curious creature as it flexes its wings, but notice that there is no traditional strutting and posing. No show-boating display of its plumage. Unlike the city Bentley that can be found desperately seeking attention on roof tops and in skips, or dancing when it knows someone is watching, this business-like Bentley out in the playing fields, is focused and eager. It has a point to prove as it moves with intent. Wanting to show the other jungle animals that its more than just a hair cut.

Watch carefully how it moves. There is nothing superfluous about this creature. Every movement has purpose and reason. It wants to find a home and intends not to waste time showing off. It aids his brethren as they attack in packs, seeking to fulfil their appetites as the chimps up in the trees look on and applaud and clap at the spectacle before them. It's a majestic sight to be hold. Soon, the Bentley and the herd it belongs to will move onto quiet nearby wastelands where they aim to attack a group of nomadic disease carrying creatures and send them back to the marshlands in the south.

Moving on, this animal here is looking for its forgotten mate for it feels lost and desolate without his former partner. Unable to settle, it struggles to find form which means its directional sense is confused. It's still attempting to recovery from a migration north which was meant to last for many seasons, but returned only with a single full winter passing. Watch how it searches for something to eat. It's irritable and angry, growling at others of his ilk as it blames them for his lack of stealth and bite. But look, a gift befalls it. However rather than finishing the kill for himself, he allows the pack to move in as they all attempt to feast. But alas, it manages to strike a deadly blow and claims an undignified meal. It's a hollow victory. Watch how it walks away, embarrassed yet thankful. But it doesn't care. The Keane is able to roam these lands like a Lion in the Serengeti. Untouchable, even though the other animals know its not the true king. The Keane shakes its arms uncontrollably once again. It has been a long time since it staked claim to devastating acclaim. But unlike the past, there is no Berbatov grazing here in N17.

Challenge Spurs™ - Spurs 5 Burnley 0

Challenge Spurs™...and so it begins. The 5 star quest for 15 points saw us claim the first three with a five goal haul at the Lane against the tidy-playing-but-limp Burnley. Five goals, four of which came from the boot of a certain much-maligned Robbie Keane, back up front rather than out on the left flank. The question of the day is: How do you define a good performance? I always find that whether you're at the game or at home watching it, as a fan, you'll always going to be a touch more critical. Its natural for us to think certain players perhaps under-performed and probably even more likely to exaggerate the performance of others.

Personally, I thought today was the type of result that does this wee little club a world of good. Professional without the need for absolute dominance. We didn't exactly boss the game. In fact Burnley can be proud of the amount of possession they had, but aside from Carlo in goal doing his best Robinsonisms, they never quite stressed out our make-shift central defence pairing of Huddlestone and Bassong. Tommy hardly put a foot wrong. Sure there were some wayward passes from other players (including Tom) and one or two guilt-edged chances (a Keane one-on-one and Defoe placing the ball the wrong side of the post). But all in all, you can't complain (you just can't) when your team has 13 shots on goal, 6 on target and scores 5 of them. Happy days.

So, main positives to take from the game? Niko - still probably not 100% match-fit - slotted in very well on the left-flank. Obviously doesn't have the touch and vision of Moddle, but the boy does have a bit of that Tottenhamesque class about him and thus allowed us to resort back to a more traditional balanced structure. Jenas was great today. Ok, so it's the type of opposition that he tends to turn up for but it's clean-slate for JJ as he seemed to rise to the occasion at the back end of last season alongside Palacios (although it must be pretty easy to play alongside the Monster from Honduras). Wilson did his usual patrolling around the centre of the pitch scaring anyting in claret and blue and Jenas was therefore free to roam forward and play one or two delicious passes.

Defoe was off key a little bit. Broke/dislocated a finger (or was it fingers?) and went off to be replaced by Crouch. We seem to be spoilt at the moment with forwards who are hungry to impress. Peter almost scoring himself late on. Also good to see we didn't resort to aiming for his head every single time. He can play with his feet too damn it! He can!

As for Keane. How many of you thought 'textbook' when he missed that first one-on-one? Made amends with the second (from the spot) thanks to a clumsy tackle by Bikey on JD. And that was our cue to relax a little bit. Although we were obviously comfortable in first gear and one or two passes were still going astray, when we did decide to play - the difference in class was massive. We played some rather wonderful stuff in that first half. Burnley, bless 'em, are not too shabby with their play either but they simply never took any of their half chances (even with CC lending a helpful hand). We took ours every time.

After Fletcher had a goal disallowed and Defoe and his sitter, we made it 2-0. JJ, shot, deflection, deserved. More tasty moments from us, including a lovely run from Aaron who could have hit it himself but opted to play it across the six yard box. Signs we would score more. Doubt anyone was worried about surrendering our lead (well apart from one or two moaning gits).

Second half wasn't as fluid as the first, but the quality in spurts was more than evident.

3-0. JJ threads a delightful (delightful - worth mentioning twice) ball inside the fullback to Lennon who cut back to Keane who smashed it into the roof of the net.

4-0. Keane, defeating JD's nemesis The Offside Trap, notched up a hat-trick thanks to a lofted pass from that versatile-thank-the-lord-we-never-sold-him-to-Fulham Huddlestone.

Then the moment we've all been waiting for. 24 games in the making. Gareth Bale on. The hoodoo shudders. It knows its time is over. Ok, so as someone on GG so eloquently put it, if you were a virgin you'd rather work hard at getting the girl you fancy to sleep with you rather than have your mates pay a blindfolded prostitute to do the anti-climatic deed. Thank you DHSF for the miserable analogy. Regardless, Bale is now part of a squad of 'winners'. A team with no apologetic deficiencies, as I'll always argue that Spurs would have failed to win those 24 games even if Bale didn't make an appearance in any given one of them. He was simply a victim of our medrocrity.

Also - welcome back Daws. I love you man. That big goofy smile. How can anyone not love him?

In the mean time, The Jig scored his fourth and Spurs goal number 5, sneaking the ball through the keepers legs and in off the post. A resounding two-finger salute to all the critics. This Keane is on fire.

Ok, so reality check, its Burnley and we should be winning these games regardless. But we've been here before many times and we've slipped up here many times. A more stern test up next away to Bolton - and one that will tell us far more than today's rout. But damn it, I'm going to celebrate the fact that we're moving onwards and upwards. 5 wins from 7 games. That's got my balls tingling and I ain't gonna scratch 'em.

So how do you define a good performance?

This was a good performance. We punished a side that played too much football and had very little bite. And we punished them good.

And a clean sheet.

Add to it Chelsea getting dicked 3-1 at Wigan. Pretty decent day.

The Strike-Force

The world is forever changing. And with it, so do the Astonishing S-Men.

Welcome to the next chapter.

With the Levy Institute for Mediocre Learning set to be re-built along with a new School for the Ungifted, the worldwide headquarters of the S-Corporation based in N17 is embracing a brave new world. White with streaks of yellow the uniform colours synonymous with the North London evolution in their continued battle with the Pundits and Keyboard Warriors, along with the ever present Sky Sports Four. There are enemies to be seen in every direction. These are troubled times. A time in need for heroes.

To make sure the competitive nature always remains at a high unparalleled level, a new special team has been put together to hurt the opposition and aid the progression of Professor L's Lilywhite agenda.


This is the S-Men. This is S-Men: Strike-Force.


Mr Triffic

Species: Manager.
Notable aliases: Houdini, The Twitch, The Escapist.
Team responsibility: Team leader and father figure. It's his role to select the attack formations and guide his men to victory. And hug. Plenty of arms around shoulders and tight tight hugging.
Abilities: The overseer of curricula and academic aspects, teaching the science of football and the complex mathematics of passing the ball from one white shirt to another, using simple physic techniques with Hex commands, i.e. 'run around a lot and kick it in the net'. Capable of reality warping, manifested as probability alteration. Can alter reality with the words “Down to barebones” and "Two points, eight games" that results with an exceptional level of commitment and effort from his team.
Other strengths: Can summon back departed S-Men who have lost their way in the wilderness. Is also able to teleport from one location to the next in a blink of an eye.
Footnote: It's said that his one weakness is The Brown Kryptonite, but there is no evidence to suggest of its existence and it's ability to corrupt him.
Quote: "You wouldn't hit a man with a twitch would you?"


The Jig

Species: Forward.
Notable aliases: The Windmill, Cartwheel, Shouty Pointy Man.
Team responsibility: The commanding officer of the Strike-Force. Deep cover agent, incognito, with the uncanny ability to dis-balance the oppositions defensive game-plan with subtle flicks and movements, leaving them in a dizzying state of fear.
Main abilities: Is able to transcend through space and time, allowing his essence to exist momentarily five seconds ahead of everyone else meaning he can drift and run into space that isn't yet available in the present. This may appear to leave his fellow S-Men in a state of confusion as they can't quite figure out where he is until he returns to the 'present'. The journey back is not deemed to be an easy one with the subsequent pain resulting with indistinguishable screams and flapping of arms. But his influence, invisible to the untrained eye, remains indisputable and without challenge.
Other strengths: Lighting fast arm reflexes with possible hypnotic undertones when waved around at high velocity speeds.
Footnote: In one of his darkest moments, having been brainwashed by the evil mastermind, The Waiter, The Jig's powers were practically decimated during his imprisonment, where he was tortured and humiliated week in week out by his sadistic keeper. Some say, since his return to Professor L's Institute, he has been irreversibly damaged by this damning experience leaving many to question why he is given the responsibility to lead the team.
Quote: "You wanna play with The Jig? Here, pick a pass!"


Defcon

Species: Striker.
Notable aliases: The Black Greaves, Flash, Pocket Dynamite, The Sex.
Team responsibility: The main outlet for decisive single-minded attacks. Only needs a second to render the opposition null and void with devastating strikes of power. Blink and you'll miss him - and then you'll regret it.
Main abilities: Is said to have been born with the chaos gene that allows him to run ragged any opposing defensive line placed in his path in the field of battle. Explosive burst of pace, power in feet, strength and determination - considered to be the poster-boy of the Strike-Force. There are whispers he is the illegitimate son of Mr Triffic, but the bloodline remains unproven.
Other strengths: Insatiable, lust magnet that has the women falling at his feet. Some say his skills in the bedroom are just as explosive as the fireworks he produces during missions. A trail of devestated women would suggest this to be the case.
Footnote: Is known to produce erratic displays when faced with his old time nemesis, The Offside Trap, who possesses the power to drag him back away from an attacking position, leaving him frustrated and ineffective.
Quote: "Here I am in your personal space so go ahead and open up"


The Interpreter

Species: Russian to English interpreter.
Notable aliases: The Man on the Touch-line.
Team Responsibility: He is best known as the Safekeeper of the Russian Ghost, better known to most as 'The Guardian of the Pavlyuchenko' - which is a mystic supernatural force descended from Russia. The 'Pav' has to be called upon using a secret calling, but can only appear for short periods of time. It's up to the Interpreter to make sure his transition into this world and subsequently into Strike-Force duty is one without difficulties.
Main abilities: The Interpreter is the only known person who is able to communicate with The Pav and is able to provide direct instructions to him, based on Mr Triffic's requirements.
Other strengths: The Pav himself is a mysterious entity, one that can be vital in situations that warrant desperate measures. But because of the fragile nature of his existence it's also deemed to be a risk to summon his presence in the midst of battle as its impossible to predict the impact he will have. The Pav is isolated and alone most times and has a somewhat apologetic nature as he struggles to adapt to this world, preferring the comfort of his true home, but at times does show glimpses of what he could do if he was permanently pulled from the netherworld into this one.
Footnote: The Interpreter and  Mr Triffic have unresolved issues and the relationship is strained meaning that The Pavs influence on the Strike-Force is growing weaker with each passing day. So much so that nobody is quite sure whether his presence, when called upon, would be detrimental to the team.
Quote: "No comment" (Interpreter) 
"Its time, to quote the vernacular, to Rock and Roll" (The Pav - translated from Russian)


Project 'Peter'

Species: Forward.
Notable aliases: The Robot, Rodney, The Tall One, Freak Boy.
Team responsibility: Plan B. Causes an altogether different type of problem by being difficult to defend against thanks to his unorthodox attacking flair which is disguised by his awkward stance.
Main abilities: Genetically altered human, part-man part-robot. The only part-machine member of the strike-force gives him an advantage over others during air attacks thanks to his height. Used routinely as a target/point man in emergency attack formations.
Other strengths: Can momentarily fly and guide missiles on target with devastating yet sublime precision. The robotic part of his brain is capable of stupendous mathematical calculations and processing power that he not only uses during his offensive duties but also socially, as he endeavours to 'fit into' a world where tall people with imbedded CPU's are dismissed as freaks. Peter was able to run a complex social discourse algorithm which covered off every possible question/answer scenario for a one-on-one discussion allowing for best possible selection to achieve the maximum success (with an estimated 0.0000000001% chance of failure) when attempting to find a female for mating purposes. He pulled Abbey Clancy on his very first calculation attempt. The algorithm rules.
Footnote: Great touch for a robot.
Quote:"0110110101111001001000000110111001100001011011010110010100100000011010010111
00110010000001110000011001010111010001100101011100100010000001101001001000000111011
10110000101101110011101000010000001110100011011110010000001100010011001010010000001
111001011011110111010101110010001000000110011001110010011010010110010101101110011001
000000110100001010"




Welcome to the future…Lilywhites.

Make mine a treble JD

Jermain Defoe wasn't the only treble of note yesterday evening. Lovely to see Spurs swagger their way through an away game with quality movement, passing and pace. A frolicsome performance full of confidence and belief. Before anyone shouts me down about it 'only being Hull', let's not banish the memories of countless years of away day blues where we've been bullied and beaten comfortably by teams costing a fraction in comparison. We don't travel well. The history books prove this. Perhaps times are changing, and if so, it's a good thing to look back and compare. It's only one game, but Spurs have a zest about them which suggests it will prove to be a fruitful season away from home.

Even when we conceded a goal, we just brushed it off and persisted in dominating the game. Working our socks off to pressure Hull when they had the ball and playing it with ruthless execution when we were in possession.

Many positives to be had out of this.

• Defoe looking strong and confident, netting a hat-trick for the first time in a few years. More importantly (for us in the long run) he's holding up the ball and laying it off with maturity that lacked from his game a season or two ago.
• Robbie Keane, much maligned (no Bent at Spurs anymore so we have to have at least one scapegoat) was bloody great. Assisting (twice), scoring and generally rediscovering that Orish spark. Excellent work ethic, which is inspiring to the rest of the team and looked playing alongside JD. This is captain material.
• Wilson, powering forward once more (as seen at WHL v Liverpool) and also getting on the score-sheet.
• Modric, strong on the ball, quiet in the more obvious creative way, but proved he can stick in a shift without the rest relying on him to be the conductor.
• Cudicini replaced Gomes (who seemed to land uncomfortably after a textbook punch), and although he was at fault for their goal, he looked assured and faultless for the reminder of the game.
• Corluka isn't a centre-back, so hurry back Woody. Not really a positive there.

I'm happy. And why not? Again, I know Hull are in poor form, but if the likes of Utd or Chelsea visited them yesterday and won by the same score line you'd hear shouts of 'professional performance', so for us to go there and dismantle them with relative ease should have us smiling.

I don't mind taking one game at a time. We played football at the KC. Didn't sit back and allow them to stick us under pressure. When they had their moments, we held strong and got through it. The belief was simply: We are good enough to play them off the park, so we will.

We will have disappoints no doubt - be ready for them. What will matter is how we react. Remember the Blackburn defeat last year and the way we collapsed? Granted, man sent off, but we felt sorry for ourselves and lost our way. Keep feet firmly on the ground, the players should take the 5-1 win as a good result, but nothing more - and look to continue to work hard for each other. We've been guilty far too many times in the past, getting carried away with the hype. But you get the feeling the team spirit and attitude is a little more understated and professional (there's that word again). Probably because of the amount of times we've been burnt in the past.

Quietly, quietly does it.

There will be games when we will be under the cosh, and its these games, a cheeky 1-0 or 2-1 win, which will be as important than any free-flowing goal-fest display.

I'm happy with our lot, thus far.

Two successive wins from the start of the season, makes this the best start since 2006. Hedonistic times. 22 wins now for Harry in 44 games. Unbeaten at the Lane since November. Looking great away. Good solid signings that are proving to have a positive effect on the teams balance. And Keane and Defoe actually looking like a partnership up-front.

And not a single Facebook relegation party in sight*.


*34 points to go before we're safe.

Robbie Keane: Captain or Scapegoat?

He's always divided opinion - but on form, he's as good as it gets OUTSIDE of the top 4. And when played alongside a genuine world class player (although I guess this is debatable, re: Berba being world class) he is more than triffic. On his day. But are those days behind him now?

Should he be team captain? I'd say no to that personally. Error made by HR for two obvious reasons. First, he left the club and was only signed back because Defoe got himself injured. Secondly, considering the 'experience' he had at Anfield, it's not like he came back brimming with confidence, regardless of his prior loyalty and goal-scoring record. Although you could argue that he did help us out in those early games that saw us push gradually upwards. But it wasn't a dynamic Keano of old, leading from the front like he had a thousand firecrackers up his arse. It was more akin to holding up a single sparkler and waving it around. He lacks the fireworks since Rafa ruined him. Ruined, but not beyond rebuilding.

Does he deserve some of the negativity and abuse being dished out to him on message boards and in the stands? IMO, no he doesn't. But then stick around and watch how some of the village idiots turn on other players (and the manager) when we manage to get ourselves unstuck. Keane splits the fans much like Jenas does.

He's an easy target at the moment just because he doesn't hit it as often as we'd like. Big debate ongoing over at where all the Spurs melters live (Glory-Glory.co.uk). Here's some of the sound-bites in a thread that simply asks: Why, after such a good performance, is there STILL scapgoating? (in reference to Keane playing well against Liverpool).

-

I am referring to the frankly ignorant bashing of our team captain, Robbie Keane. I mean why? The bloke had a really good game yesterday, was at the heart of most things good, missed one sitter yes but saw two great saves on him, linked supremely well, yet the bashers come out with a f@ck this and f@ck that, someone even complains about the amount of time it took him to limp off the field (indeed, he should've been jogging n that injured foot, and if he did that then you'd be saying he should waste more time!)...

The guy cannot win. And I think it's pathetic. Seriously. Pathetic - thfcsteff

He's a shadow of the player he was, who has shown his true colours. I support him while he is on the pitch but that doesn't mean I have to like him or rate him. Personally, I'd rather any of the other strikers at the club played instead of him because in my opinion they are all better than him - ledleysswollenknee

The Keane bashing is ridiculous. He finally looked his old good self again yesterday and I thought he had a great game. Some people are just bitter cunts. We hate the likes of Campbell who leaves us on a free, not Keane who we got 20 fucking million for. Was good to see that he could play well with Defoe too - disc0

He missed chances which could have won us the match. He has been crap since re-signing and yesterday, although one of his better games, was too wasteful to be deemed a good performance. People see him as a traitor, especially due to his poor form on returning to Spurs, and many are angered by the fact he seems to be 'stealing' Ledley's captaincy and has attained an 'undroppable' status. Objectively I think he didn't have a great game, but shouldn't suffer the abuse he is now getting. I don't think he should be in the first team, even if Crouch wasn't fit enough yesterday, Pav's performance against Olympiakos, for me, meant he should have played ahead of Keane - Pandy

Keane isn't a clinical finisher, we all know that. He had a good, very Keane-esque game. If he makes 3 chances like that for himself every game I'll be quite happy - McBoggers

Keane is becoming such a controversial player that even the press and match commentators are picking up on the observation that he looks past it.

Even his body language and look doesn't resemble the old Keane... I guess he is really struggling now, and his 60 min substitution looks to me the first nail in his career coffin for spurs.

My loyalties are to the club - and I'd be happy to sell Keane if we can find a replacement. Fine you may think Keane is good, I think we need and have always had better in attack. If Keane has to start, he has to perform; if he is a striker he has to be expected to put away chances with ruthless efficiency. Lets not make apologies for underperformance - metalgear

Read more of the discussion here.

So, should Robbie Keane still be captain? Should he start games ahead of Crouch or Pav? Has Robbie Keane lost it?

Love or hate?

Glory in China

3-0 win in the Asia Trophy final. DVD release set for next week. Open bus parade set for this Sunday. So, what did we learn? Well, for starters, can someone have a word with the organisers of these pre-season competitions (ha!) that having a Cup presentation followed by a photo-opportunity celebration with champagne simply does nothing but embarrass the players, who cringed more times than I do when watching David Brent swan around the office.

Robbie Keane (scorer of a brace – Lennon notching the third late on) attempting to get rid of the Cup, shrugging, with a look of a man who was probably saying, “What exactly am I meant to do with this?” No Irish jig here. It’s not exactly the Carling Cup now, is it?

I laughed even harder as the champagne was apologetically fizzed around as the players dispersed backwards, all looking for any reminisce of a worm-hole to save them with Keano still trying to rid himself of the trophy while his team-mates smiled nervously and continued to ignore him.

As for the game. Easy peasy. Some lovely football, Modric pulling the strings and everyone continuing to look fitter and sharper. Off to Hong Kong next for the squad.

Last time we won one of these (remember the Peace Cup?) we had a decent season. That's all I'm going to take out of this.

Anyways, back to The Ashes I go...

How do you solve a problem like Keano?

Why do people persist in reading so much into pre-season games? Ok, so we lost 2-0 to Celtic who fielded a team of reserves. We didn’t pass particularly well or finish chances with any ruthless killer instinct. We defended poorly and played with little confidence. We still spent most of the game with possession and had far more chances on goal than they did. So as disappointing as it might appear, it wasn’t as bad as it seems the morning after. For a start, the team that lined up isn’t exactly our first eleven is it? Especially the centre-back pairing. Dear God, that centre-back pairing...

Analysing individual performances in this type of game is also a redundant exercise. Much like salivating over the 5-0 thrashing of Roma this time last year. Remember the hype that followed? There were plenty of people leaving White Hart Lane that day believing the swashbuckling style of play was a preview of the season ahead. And what did we get instead? Two points from eight games. Could be worse I guess. We could be losing 6-1 to Orient with our strongest eleven.

The mentality of the players is vital and yes, it would be nice if they comfortably asserted themselves in these type of games to prove they are heading for the opening game with a bit of a swagger - but as long as they play well when it matters I couldn’t give a toss about a nothing game(s) at Wembley that cost around £70 to witness. Harsh on the wallet that.

I’m pretty sure this was our first pre-season defeat for a few years which proves how it counts for very little.  And as for individual performances (like I said, I’m not going to read too much into them) I’ve been impressed with Livermore, Naughton and Bostock. Not so much Dervite. Livermore could be involved for us this season. Bostock has a while to go, but roll him out for the Carling Cup. As for Naughton. Let's hope we take care of the lad and he doesn't end up doing a Gunter. And elsewhere (away from Wembley), should we even bother to lick our lips at the prospect of welcoming back wildcard Giovani dos Santos who picked up the ‘player of the tournament’ award for Mexico, brushing aside a USA b-team 5-0 in the CONCACAF Gold Cup final? Adel has gone out on loan. Something tells me Harry will do the same with Gio.

There is still no clear indication of anything yet. Hence the weary sluggish impatience.

But there is one player who has looked decisively average for a rather prolonged period of time, so long that you wonder if he can recover from his hibernation. This particular concern stretches back across the summer months and all the way to the last Jan window. So we can read far more into it than 90 minutes against Scotlands second best team.

I’m obviously talking about our Irish Windmill, Robbie Keane. He doesn’t even point and wag his finger with the same accomplished moan that endeared us for so very long. Liverpool, it would seem, destroyed his confidence. Can’t be easy knowing you are not good enough for a Top 4 side. Even worse when you find yourself wondering what if the gaffer had played me in position rather than out of it? We only signed him because Defoe got injured. It's all very apologetic.

No whispers of anyone wanting a punt on him and considering how difficult we are making it for anyone to sign Darren Bent, I doubt Keane will be sold off – at least not until January if he’s left warming the bench with Defoe banging them in alongside Crouch.

I guess this is where our frustrations sit at the minute. We can’t really take a guess on how we’ll start without knowing who exactly will line-up as Harry’s first-team eleven. And if Crouch does sign (looking likely) then Robbie’s depression might take him into a state of coma.

A major priority has to be to kick-start Robbie Keane back to his pre-Anfield form. We need all our players buzzing for the new season. How we manage to get Keano back to his best remains the biggest challenge for Harry. Unless there is no way back and the lad is in unrecoverable decline. His failings are far more evident since his return due to the decimation experienced under Rafa. The impatience of Spurs fans is a given thanks mainly to the fact that we turn on players pretty quickly (in this case, it’s more to do with the fact that Robbie left us in the first place and returned with his tail between his legs).

How do we rejuvenate him? Or is this tainted love?

All we can do is wait and hope. Personally, I don’t have a clue other than taking him aside and slapping him across the face, shaking him vigorously and telling him to get a grip and start believing again.

I’m available if Harry needs me to have a word. For a reasonable fee of course. Happy to slap Pascal around for free.

Bent still on course for Sunderland summit

Chatting to some Sunderland lads, it would seem the rumours of Robbie Keane being offered to Sunderland (a month or two back) are possible true - in that their ITK's are confirming the same thing ours are blabbering on about.

So whether there is any truth in the story suggesting that Keane is unhappy/only re-signed to save him from his Liverpool hell and help us out whilst Defoe was injured, on the promise of being sold in the summer.....phew, is something that we can only discuss as half-truths until we know better. We do love our conspiracy theories down here in N17.

As for Darren Bent, he's apparently keen on joining Sunderland and will be speaking to them this up and coming week (when he apparently returns from his hols). Spurs and Sunderland are almost at the point of agreement with the transfer fee. One of the Sunderland ITK's is well connected enough to say that Bent is interested in moving up to the Stadium of Light. Villa the only other interested party. We all know this is on the cards because far too many people have spoken about it - online and in the press. I bet it ends with an 'undisclosed fee' and Bent grabbing 20 goals for them next season.

As for Keane, we can only wait and see, but when offered, Quinn was not interested in accepting our generous gift that would come with a hefty asking price and a ripe old age.

Bale was also apparently offered to the Black Cats. Another rumour that the Spurs ITK's shared with us several weeks back. I'm hoping that part is not true.

Robbie Keane off on 'loan' again?

Morning. If you frequent the Tottenham message boards and various other blogs, including this one, you'll know that there's been this pesky little rumour about Robbie Keane being unhappy. It changes from one day to the next. Apparently he wants out, then he doesn't (its exaggerated) then he does again. Others disapprove citing the fact that he has recently become a father again and that moving all the way up to Sunderland is simply out of the question. I'm more curious as to the reason (behind the sad face). Does he feel that having returned from the his shattered Anfield dream that he is somehow tainted back at Spurs? It doesn't quite feel the same as it did before? If you believe he is off, you might also believe he has a clause in his contract that states he has to play every game (and not get subbed).

I don't know. Personally don't want to believe this is true. I like him and regardless of the fact that he did not shine as bright as he did for us before he moved to Liverpool, he was still instrumental in that initial upsurge of determination that got us out of trouble.

If he is genuinely unhappy and he only ever returned to us because we offered him the only viable escape route at the time, then it's all a bit of a mess and the depression might be partly down to him knowing deep down he should never have left int he first place.

From pure football logistics, the reason why we might consider selling him is that Keane returning to Spurs was a little on the panic side of things. Redknapp prefers Defoe, or at least a player of his ilk, partnered up with a big tall striker. So Harry might simply decide that there is no room for the both of them. Something Spurs fans have always argued (the two little men can't play together).

I guess we sit back and wait for the 'Crouch to Spurs' rumours to hit the message boards.

8th spot is the new 4th

Tottenham: Not good for your health.

One moment we are high up looking down at everything, anticipating – dare I say excited. And then it begins and we find ourselves heading downwards with dizzying speed, my heart in my mouth and my gut pushed up somewhere into my head. Why do I put myself through this? When will the nightmare end? The twists, the turns. The agony and screams. The ups and downs.

It’s a rollercoaster ride.

Literally. The Colossus ride at Thorpe Park. Which is where I spent most of Sunday (making it back for the final 15 minutes of the football). But not a minute went by without thinking about how we were getting on up at Anfield.

I’ve seen extended highlights of the game and considering the players missing due to injury along with one or two Keystone cops on ketamine performances best illustrated by the lethargic Corluka – I don’t want to read too much into it. Proper end of season get it over and done with football. Shame really, as Fulham lost to Everton so we might have sneaked into Europe but then again, I’m not crying over the fact we didn’t.

Three consecutive years of European football ended probably at Blackburn when we lost 2-1 and along with West Ham, the only London clubs without a passport to the continent. Talking of which, we finished above them, which is no reason for an open bus parade, but still hilarious if anything for the fact that at one point we were so far behind that one happy Hammer bet me £100 we would not finish above them.

As for the game, the missing players illustrates that we have plenty of work to do with strengthening the squad so that the balance is not lost on such occasions. Harry once more recycling the fact that we might need to sell to generate more funds for players.

Bent, Pav, Bentley, Huddlestone, Zokora....a few that are being constantly linked with moves away. It all beings soon. You ready for it?

Keane scored our only goal, and decided not to celebrate. Which resulted with applause from all sides of the ground. Disaster signing or not, that was classy. By disaster, I mean for Liverpool. I don’t agree it was a mistake for us to get him back. Those early performances on his return were vital ones. And he'll back to his normal self after a break in the sun - one that this summer will not include any phone calls from Rick Parry.

So that’s that. Two points from eight games. Ramos and Comolli sacked. The Bale jinx. Bentleys form. Harrys appointment. 4-4. The climb up the table. Our home form. Keane and JD returning. Wilson. Laughing in the face of relegation. Touching distance from Europe. 8^th. The end.

I'm happy, if only because of the mess we found ourselves in at the start of it all. In the grand scheme of things, it's been a wasteful season and once more a transitional one. Let's just pray to the footballing Gods that next season is a little more gentle in the way of any unwanted hiccups and that we sustain a 7th - 5th spot from the start of the season. Would be nice to enjoy the season from start to finish.

We won’t even have to time to recover from this one, with the summer transfer window almost upon us.

Another rollercoaster ride no doubt. Close your eyes and hope for the best.

Spurs 2 City 1 - Sunshiiiiiiiiiine in North London for the Lilywhites

Quintessential game of two halves this. First forty-five we were irresistible. Huddlestone in sublime form, pinging the ball around majestically, getting stuck in and giving us a subtle nod that selling him in the summer might be a regretful action. The formation (not the expected 3-5-2 that sort of worked for a point up at Everton) was working a treat at the Lane. Pav and JD upfront, Keane out ‘the wing’ as a Lennon understudy. Hudd and JJ in the middle of the park. No Bale and Hutton. A 4-4-2 that morphed into a 4-3-3 with Keane pushing forwards from the right.

Defoe had an effort smartly saved by Given. A Pav shot from the edge of the box came close. City had nothing in the way of a response as Huddlestone marshalled the midfield in that wonderful chest pumped out manner that he treats us to now and again. So no surprise that JD scored from a Tommy assist. Wonderful cross, exactly where Defoe wanted it, and he aptly finished with a cheeky back-heel. 1-0.

It was at this point I noticed a Liam Gallagher look-a-like in one of the executive boxes, offering out the Spurs fans in the Shelf-side, which turned out to be.....well, Liam Gallagher, obviously. Cue five minutes or so of some first class banter including a chorus of ‘Can we write a song for you’  and 'You’re just a shit Chas’n’Dave’. Liam took it well, laughing and applauding. I still think the moment, at the start of it all, where he stood there in a Jesus pose and signing to one fan ‘I’ll see you outside’ and then doing the same thing to around 10,000 Lilywhites was hilarious. Although he managed to piss off a fan in the exec box to the right of him and was told off in the second half when he re-appeared from inside the exec box to goad everyone when City made it 1-1.

Talking of which, what a disappointing second half.

I guess at 1-0, it’s not that much of a difficult task for Mark Hughes to bollock his players and have them start the second forty-five with a little more urgency and energy. When do we ever score a second killer goal at the Lane? There was a fine moment in the first half that saw the impressive Huddlestone dink the ball into the box for Keane to brilliantly control it, but then fail to connect. Something he did a few times in the course of the game. The “bloke who sits next to me with loads of sound-bites” noted that Robbie has the look of a player that can’t wait for the summer months to kick in. A player with a broken heart having seen his Anfield dream implode rather quietly. He does work hard, and it’s something many of us seem to miss or just ignore, because his final product isn’t the Keane of old. Re-energising is the name of the game for our Robbie. Defoe was lively, and Pav was...well, I’ll come back to Roman later.

The point is, we didn’t get a second goal which might have made things far more comfortable in the second half. Corluka took over at centre-back with Woodgate off, and Hutton coming on into the right-back position. Our shape was lost.

We were gradually over-run by City’s midfield and there was no great surprise when Benjani headed down for Bojinov to fire home the equaliser, sending the City fans and Liam wild.

Ominous stuff. Where was the tactical change from Redknapp? Why was it not enforced earlier in the game? Bugbear for many Spurs fans is that Harry doesn’t change things quickly, and lingers on for a bit. When the changes did happen (Zokora came on for JJ and Campbell on for Pav) things changed for the good.

Roman is a player I’ve defended on several occasions this season. He’s tired/not fully fit/struggling to settle in England is the usual commentary you’ll get from me and others. But sadly, maybe this is all wishful thinking that he will somehow improve next season. It has that air or Rebrovesque doom about it.

He scores goals. Not as many as Bent does, who is almost certainly on his way. But other than that, he’s a bit of a soft touch. Apologetic with his mannerisms. Falls over far too easily, has a worrying first touch and as illustrated by the easy chance he had in the second half (which then led to his substitution) which he fluffed wide, Roman seems to be more average than a player who is out of form. Maybe I’ve been infected by a knee-jerk virus, but I heard the name ‘Raziak’ mentioned half a dozen times on Saturday and have noticed other bloggers use the not so endearing term to describe our £14M striker.

Best move of the game was his sulk down the tunnel, which Harry joked about post-match. Bent and Pav out? Could see us make Campbell a permanent signing if he’s far cheaper than the £7M Wigan were set to pay. The fourth striker should be a young and hungry kid who is willing to sit on the bench. Which means, we just need another forward to come in to give us a more than decent trio (that will obviously include Keane and JD).

I’m sure it will all take shape in the next few months. Let’s not forget our young player of the year Jonathan Obika. It’s time academy players got their chance to shine for the first team.

Ok, side-tracked, back to the game. Campbell’s relentlessly running resulted with Micah Richards falling over him and bringing him down for a penalty that Robbie Keane had no problem slotting away to win it for us with around 4 minutes of normal time left. Liam nowhere to be seen. City fans heading for the exit, something that's a tradition in recent years when visiting the Lane for a league match.

No second goal from open play then, but who cares. We probably deserved all three points for that first half display.

Our home form has been stunning.

P22 W15 D6 L1 F41 A18

Sixteen games unbeaten in all competitions (Everton the last team to win at the Lane back in late November). And to add to that, the fewest league goals we’ve ever conceded at the Lane, in a season. Boring boring Tottenham.

It's not perfect, but credit to Harry and his management. White Hart Lane is no soft touch.

Fulham look set for the Europa League, which they might struggle with considering it’s an additional 17 games or so. We’ll have to concentrate on the Prem, which isn’t too bad of a priority. And leaves us with no room for excuses.

So that’s it. Players waved their goodbyes. Ledley King didn’t look too impressed when the home fans sang ‘If Ledley’s going clubbing, so am I....’ . Lennon won our player of the year award, which he is more than worthy for after a blistering return to form.

Will Gomes still be here next season? Can we swap Jenas for Ireland? Will Harry sign Barton? Why does Bentley never get a game for us even though he's fit and scoring goals for the reserves? Is the first-half Huddlestone worth keeping when compared to the second-half version? Where was Arsenal fan Noel? Questions, questions...

Onwards to Anfield now. Might stick a few bob on Keane scoring the winner in front of the Kop.

Spurs 1 WBA 0 - Another one-nil, another three points

What a pulsating 45 minutes. Exhilarating stuff. Had me on the edge of my seat, salivating. I was truly memorised. But enough about my journey home from the game sat opposite a gorgeous twenty-something brunette with eyes that would melt the heavens. A couple of hours earlier I found myself witnessing a frustrating afternoon’s football in our penultimate home game of the season.

It was an awkward, average, lacklustre performance. Little movement, plenty of backs to the ball moments. But still good enough to see off WBA who for all their attempted efforts to play tidy looking football lacked any punch and only had chances when we were more than inclined to allow them to bypass our defence. They did come close to scoring on more than one occassion. Thankfully Gomes (and the woodwork) was on top form to help us to a 6^th successive home clean sheet (boring or what?).

This is the type of game (against a club fighting for its top flight life) that could have been tricky and although we were not exactly on-song, we were not exactly under any real prolonged threat. Team cohesion was a mess at the best of times. But to win, 1-0, and not play great is something I will quite happily take. Although during the course of the game I did find myself momentarily infected by the despondency and knee-jerking that was spreading around WHL faster than swine flu in a Mexican pig farm. Shame on me.

Pav started up front with Robbie Keane and it seems that with Darren Bent out and possibly on his way out, we have a new recruit to the School of the Much Maligned. In parts, he did ok. Not £14M’s worth of ok. But still ok. He holds up the ball, shields it and lays it off very well. Perfect foil for a player of Defoe’s ilk. It’s a shame JD was on the bench for most of it.

Pav does still struggle when he has time and has to aim and shoot at goal. As the chap next to me (he's a paragon of soundbites which I'm happy to plagiarise) pointed out - why does Jenas not have a crack anymore when it comes to free-kicks? We all know it’s one of the things he’s pretty useful at. Pav’s effort was poor considering the gap in the wall that was begging for a toe-poke thunderbolt. Our Russian star also had another effort ballooned over. But at least he gave it a go and I know we are all hoping that the excuses concerning the fact he is rusty/injured/tired prove to be the case when we see a fully refreshed Roman blitz the Prem next season.

Robbie Keane on the other hand needs to spend 90 minutes on the bench as he’s lost a little fire from the belly. Although kudos to his undeniable method-acting abilities, showed off when an awful first touch saw the ball leave the field of play by about 5 inches but still we all had to endure Robbie giving us all a confused look, surveying all before him pondering how and why the throw was given to the opposition. Marvellous disassociation.

Did you hear the booing when Roman was subbed late on for Defoe and the follow-up song in support of the Russian? Seems one or two would have preferred to see Robbie Keane taken off. Moody atmosphere all round today, with loads of complaints and shrugs of disappointment. We had below par performances from some of the players, but ffs, get a grip. It happens.

Talking of which, Keano was out done by a virtuoso humdinger by Corluka who at one point in the second half seemed to waddle* forward like an escapee from a fat farm. Damn it, I just can’t help being hypocritical. I’m conflicted. Still, he did charge forward in the first half, laying off a pass that Jenas lapped up for our goal. And that's all that matters, right?

Out of interest, feel free to contact me if you have a clue why Pascal Chimbonda was re-signed. Honestly, if you have photographic evidence that he’s actually still in the country I’m willing to pay a tidy sum for it. Someone emailed me a photo of a man in a bar in Goa who might or might not be Pascal. Need something more conclusive tbh.

Another player who had an off-day was BAE. Ok, that’s unfair. He recovered after a shabby first half, but not to the standard he’s spoilt us with in recent months. Not quite an off-day, more like a half-day. But it’s all forgivable because it was against a WBA who really had to win and give it their all. We let them push forward with intent too often. And it didn't help that our players got in each other’s way (almost colliding on occasions), but we created enough chances to win the game by a far greater margin. But like most home games in recent months, 1-0 will do.

I would have much preferred us to swagger and swoon around the pitch giving the fans and our special guests (Mackay, Jones, Smith and co) something to crow about at the final whistle. It’s forgivable because if it was a quality side we might have suffered. But then against quality sides we tend to up the tempo by default.

Even so the game did have its moments and there were some great touches and moments of vision, just not polished enough with the final ball. Modric was (rub your eyes and scratch your head!) a little off-key with some of his passing, but was still one of our better players. Lennon was menacing. Once (if) he gets his composure sorted in front of goal, he’s going to be some player. I hope the club can see the potential in Aaron and goal-scoring. He could easily get us 15 or more if he learns when to shoot and where to aim. He can score, we’ve seen him place some wonderful shots, but he seems to suffer a little when he has to much time to think about where exactly he needs to place the ball.

Well done to that man Gomes and his reflexes. Couple of belting saves. Worst keeper in the Prem ever, hey Hansen?

Palacios was the man though, blink and you see him on the right, blink again and he's over on the left. He was practically everywhere, biting and niggling away, winning tackles. He showed the type of tenacity the rest of the side should have had. Wilson also knows when to commit yellow-card fouls that benefit the team, although it’s a dangerous game to play. But I’m not complaining. No really, three points another clean sheet. I’ll take this for now as we continue to push forward after half a season spent walking backwards.

The goal that won it was the first effort that was placed with precision and pace towards goal. JJ the man of the moment. JD also scored in the second half, but it was deemed offside. Which it wasn’t. Which was a shame.

As for Jenas, it was another one of those Marmite days out for him. He's still a curious conundrum that remains unsolved.

WBA now look doomed. And with City (superior goal difference) and West Ham winning, and Wigan and Fulham still in the mix – I don’t think 7^th will happen based on the final three games of the season. Think West Ham will make it. We’ll have to all move to Mars if that happen.

/rolls eyes so hard they pop out of my head.

Additional: My Spurs/Barca double won through. What a game at the Bernabeu. Madrid spanked out of the title race by a stunning away day decimation from the Catalans. Liquid football.

*Stolen from the chap who stands next to me