Sir David Attenborough at White Hart Lane
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 at 11:32AM Here, in the midst of the north London plains, we find ourselves fortunate to witness one of natures true wonders. The rare sighting of a Pavlyuchenko. A Russian breed that is not often seen out in the wild so far away from its homeland. It's apologetic and worried face is akin to what a polar bear in the Sahara would look like. It is in search for respite. But much like our Polar Bear, it does not appear to be comfortable in its surroundings.
It appears to move gracefully as it looks for prey. However, he's not accustomed to the ways of this land and will soon struggle to feed his ever-lasting hunger. For the Pavlyunchenko flatters to device. Unlike the rampant Defoe, the 'Pav' struggles when he's expected to thrive. When going in for the strike he suffers from one of natures more embarrassing dispositions. Stage fright. There he goes, a certainty you think, but no. Yet another opportunity goes missing. If it continues to find itself in good positions, only to lose its chance, it will prove to be a long and cold winter for this sorry beast.
He needs to be able to pin down an attack and ravage it with acute confidence as it feasts on the glory of the kill. This would send out a message to others around him. I'm here and I'm staying. But at the moment, he's hardly noticed. This, some would say, is a perfect illustration of an animal that is lost in a jungle far away from its home. Feeling sorry for its self, it will waste away if its unable to claim a victim rather than be one. There are alternatives for the Pav. It can attempt to journey back east and look for a new home where there are less prying eyes.
For now it looks on with envy as the sometimes cumbersome giant, the Huddlestone, uses its power and strength in battle. The Hudd eats well. It never misses a meal. But then the Hudd is one of natures more fortunate souls as it roams the plains alongside the Palacios panther. The Palacios, second only to the King of the Jungle who is currently out of sight resting, is a formidable creature that fears nothing. It's tenacity unparalleled, it seeks to fight it's enemies and never fails in stopping any over-confident animal that dares to run past. We are truly in honour of its presence, and with no Lennon gazelle to dazzle us with its pace, watch the Palacios and its some what conflicted mix of beauty and menace as it protects its domain.
And over here. We have something equally rare for altogether different reasons. The David Bentley. Look at this curious creature as it flexes its wings, but notice that there is no traditional strutting and posing. No show-boating display of its plumage. Unlike the city Bentley that can be found desperately seeking attention on roof tops and in skips, or dancing when it knows someone is watching, this business-like Bentley out in the playing fields, is focused and eager. It has a point to prove as it moves with intent. Wanting to show the other jungle animals that its more than just a hair cut.
Watch carefully how it moves. There is nothing superfluous about this creature. Every movement has purpose and reason. It wants to find a home and intends not to waste time showing off. It aids his brethren as they attack in packs, seeking to fulfil their appetites as the chimps up in the trees look on and applaud and clap at the spectacle before them. It's a majestic sight to be hold. Soon, the Bentley and the herd it belongs to will move onto quiet nearby wastelands where they aim to attack a group of nomadic disease carrying creatures and send them back to the marshlands in the south.
Moving on, this animal here is looking for its forgotten mate for it feels lost and desolate without his former partner. Unable to settle, it struggles to find form which means its directional sense is confused. It's still attempting to recovery from a migration north which was meant to last for many seasons, but returned only with a single full winter passing. Watch how it searches for something to eat. It's irritable and angry, growling at others of his ilk as it blames them for his lack of stealth and bite. But look, a gift befalls it. However rather than finishing the kill for himself, he allows the pack to move in as they all attempt to feast. But alas, it manages to strike a deadly blow and claims an undignified meal. It's a hollow victory. Watch how it walks away, embarrassed yet thankful. But it doesn't care. The Keane is able to roam these lands like a Lion in the Serengeti. Untouchable, even though the other animals know its not the true king. The Keane shakes its arms uncontrollably once again. It has been a long time since it staked claim to devastating acclaim. But unlike the past, there is no Berbatov grazing here in N17.
Reader Comments (30)
A classic piece of writing.....
Brilliant stuff Spooky. Perhaps an amendment is required?
Would love to see what Sir David thinks of the Brazilian rainforest chameleon, the Gomes.
Class! I even found myself reading it out loud doing a very passable impression of Sir David himself. All i needed was a camera crew and I could have a BBC hit on my hands.....Spooks does it again!! (Even though I think Pav had a decent enough game)
Majestic writing Spooky. Your wit and style is unsurpassable !
A great bit of reading there mate!!! I don't think Sir Dave has to many seasons left in him so you could be the one to step in is shoes!
Excellent. And nice and short for once ! ;)
Pav was 'ok'. The usual decent touches but his finishing - no composure at all. Looks out of sorts much like last season.
a classic online peice. If only real journalists had as much humour and individuality in their pieces.
Did you just call us all chimps??
I think chimps is just about right for some of the folk in block 33.
That's the best match report I've read on the game. Sir David is welcomed back again.
Spooky,
i can't see the picture can you re link?
I've removed it for the moment. It appeared ok when viewing the blog via the main page, but not via the direct link. Had this problem before. Strange one.
Not sure if any of you guys were at the game? Pav was awful full stop. "Decent first touch" ??? Please. His first touch is awful. He didnt win a header all evening. The only good thing i can say about him is his ability to get into good postions, saying that he has no idea where the goal is. Truely awful. I feel for the guy as he is clearly very low on confidence, although if you train all week, getting paid a fortune i would expect a footballer to be able to get the basics right...Shooting = Awful Passing = Awful Communication = Awful
I worry about the weekend as keane isnt much better, some of the chances he misses defoe would score with his eyes closed. Dont get me wrong he brings the midfield into play but lets not forget what his job..To score goals! How long will he live off his 4 goals???
On a positive note - The usuals suspects looked good. Special mention has to go to bale. It was his defensive play that impressed me. Up for every header and tackle, giving 110%. Well done gareth, your clearly a talanted player. Lets see you progress the way you should have!
G
I'll join the ball stroking
Good piece mate
Or should that be ooook?
I do feel for Pav but when given a chance he doesn't appear to take it with any sort of clear determination. He was poor last night. No confidence.
Excellent mate. Really good read
Brilliant, Class....... no mention of the youngsters watching the hurd, learning the trade LOL
We have our Spooky back. You've been on form. Hopeful we do over the scum this weekend. Would like to see another positive letter to the chairman.
"a group of nomadic disease carrying creatures"
Spot on Spooky, the Arse to a teeeeeeeeee
Spooky, it's a shame you don't have a talent for creating animations. How's your voice character acting?
Machine - shit mate. I have a face for radio. But sadly don't have a voice for radio. I'll let teh trunk cover that part of the spurs spectrum.
teh trunk needs to cut back on his videos.
Teh Trunk is a visual gag genius.
Another top drawer piece Spooks.
A wonderful read, something any naturalist would be proud of.
Pulitzer material, absolutley brilliant
NICE ONE CYRIL or should that be Squirrel
Stunning piece of work.
Funniest thing I've read since... the last really funny thing you wrote.
"Sir David, up close and personal with Jermaine Jenas " - classic.
Am chuckling my ass off at work!