Let's bolt-on Pav for another goal-fest

Afternoon.

I'm completely devoid of any creative juice currently. It's a lull so do not fret. This is what happens when you spend most days shopping for Tommee Tippee and deciding whether you should opt for Bugaboo or Maxi Cosi. Football becomes a fantasy world you escape to when hiding under tables from your heavily pregnant partner, who has became a Huddlestonesque figure consuming all before her (mostly chocolate). Thankfully she's about as slow as big Tom so the threat is minimal. Although she's got more bite then Jenas so she could potentially do a job in our midfield. Then again, the fluff in my belly-button could potentially do a job in our midfield as an alternative to Jenas.

This is not to say I'm about to disappear under an avalanche of nappies and baby milk. I blog therefore I am. Still playing around with the idea of having some guest writers on here for the days spent hallucinating due to extreme tiredness, although on such days I could potentially do a job in our midfield as an alternative...

But, as I said, this is just a lull. One that will no doubt be forgotten about after this evening when Super Pav notches a hat-trick (one with his left, one with his right, one with his head) and runs across to the bench to celebrate, sliding on knees and twitching in front of Harry who later explains in the post match interview that this was the plan all along, to hold back the Russian until the run-in and release him into the wild to do much destruction and damage in the way of casual clinical finishes as we go on full attack for both 4th spot and the Cup. A sort of 4th place in the league Cup double. There's a DVD in there somewhere I'm certain of it.

Tonight is vital IMO. And I doubt you'll disagree. I want an FA Cup final. It's been too long. One game at a time, mind. So Bolton have to be brushed aside with a bit of that olde swagger. It's not something to be ignored or fudged up by perhaps shifting players out of the side and doing a spot of tinkering with selection. I want to see our strongest side this evening, do a job and do it well. And then more of the same against Everton on Saturday. However I don't expect the side to be as strong as it will be when facing Moyes side. As long as the backbone retains its shape I'll be happy enough. Every game is a cup final from here on in. Get your suits measured.

Enjoy the match.

COYS.

Spurs away to Wolves...this is no side show

13 games left. And tonight's visit to Wolves is a 100% 'have to bloody win no sorry pathetic excuses or what ifs' type of encounter. I know we can't and won't be winning all our remaining matches, but (with no disrespect meant) this has to be our three points. Grafted and deserved. It's considerably more comfortable a game than one or two other fixtures ahead of us.

The opposition might not be big, but the game is most definitely king-sized. Complacency? I damn you to hell. Plums are of no use here, bring your grape-fruits.

Can we do it? We can, can we not? You're not stalling your answer, are you?

So therefore, I expect to be pushing ahead with my planned demonstration outside THFC tomorrow, with one banner, one simple banner stating the words: DIE LEVY DIE

I am not asking for the resignation of any of the directors or the manager. It's not that kind of demonstration. I am simply pointing my finger towards the person solely responsible for the club and it's progression so others witnessing are left with no doubt as to the persons identity, allowing them to join in with proceedings. It's subtle, I know. And you might wonder why I'm doing this in German. It's dramatic. It reminds me of Klinsmann.

Harsh you might think that I'm waving my finger just at the chairman. And I do believe he should have done more in the last window. Not suggesting we over-spent or panic-bought. But simply worked harder to secure a deal for another midfielder. We've had since the summer to do so. The chance to consolidate is one that has been missed. Much like 2006. But the team is still more than capable. And we remain a club without (potentially) crippling debt.

I'm ignoring Harry's 'we can finish about Arsenal' media-friendly pre-match nonsense. And I'm happy to hear Luka speak of the Wolves defeat (back at the Lane) and how revenge is on the cards tonight. And although King will be absent, I can not disagree that if we do continue to play the way we are playing, we are going to hit good winning form.

I personally believe we'll smash someone to bits very very soon. Teams defend deep, suffocate space and make it a pain the backside for us when playing in N17 causing way too much fragmented urgency. Away, it's different. They come and have a go, allowing our players to use the space presented to them. It's ironic we are more comfortable on our travels. No always, but more often than in previous years.

We need to be lucky by making up our own luck. And we need to take a risk, both on the pitch and off it (then on it) - in the way of substitutions at pivotal moments in the game. Would be nice to see Niko make an appearance tonight - at some point. And the continued improvement of Bale and Bentley goes without say. But most importantly, we need to be patient. Much like we were at Leeds in the cup.

So, with those thoughts in mind, I'm hoping to see you all tomorrow, outside the ground at around 11am. In celebration of victory, and in celebration and support of our chairman. A love parade of sorts. A demonstration of endearment for The Levy; Daniel Levy. And the supporting cast of manager and players. Our support is very much needed. Believe. And the players will believe.

After tonight, its down to just 12 games and 36 points.

Can we do it? We can, can we not? Of course we bloody can.

COYS.

Spurs v Villa. Squeaky-bum time.

There are now 14 games left in the season. It's suddenly dawned on me…this is it. The business end. The run-in. There is practically no room left now for excuses or the suggestion that if we drop points, we'll catch-up because shirley the teams around us will drop points at some point. Except the point is, there is no longer enough wiggle room to place our hopes on the form of others.

If you're a pessimist, no doubt you'll have already accepted defeat. We've dropped 5-8 points that could be perceived us self-inflicted (obviously, this is all in the eye of the beholder). Fact is, if a team self-implodes (Everton away for example) it's because the team is not good enough. Something is still missing. If a team can't keep it together and kill the game off (Everton away for example) then the players are lacking the right level of mental strength to claim anything above 5th. However - the fact that we've sat pretty much in 4th or there abouts for a while now makes all this doubly frustrating.

If only for that extra bit of decisiveness we'd be laughing. Regardless of whether it disguises the fact that were still not quite good enough. Almost. Possibly a player or two short from, say, beating Everton away after taking a 2-0 lead and not throwing it away.

14 games. It's within touching distance. And then again, its not. Thanks to City and their games in hand, it makes it impossible for us to drop any points at home. IMO. Making the game against Villa a massive one.

Stand up and be counted, THFC.

14 games. 7 at home, 7 away. What was I saying about not dropping points at home?

Villa.
Everton.
Blackburn.
Pompey.
Arsenal.
Chelsea.
Bolton.

I count three of those which should be wins. Another one that ought to be a win. A score-draw. And the  remaining two, gut-wrenchingly tough - but, whatever. Who dares wins, right? To dare is to do is even more apt.

Our away games are a little bit more easy on the eye.

Wolves.
Wigan.
City.
Stoke.
Sunderland.
Man Utd.
Burnley.

Err. Actually, no they're not. Teams fighting for dear life, another fighting for the same thing we are and one of them looking towards claiming the very top spot. It's a monstrously tricky end of season. I count 5 'Cup Finals', both home and away. Genuinely, there is no room, no room at all for fuck-ups or missed opportunities.

We all know, hand on heart, we'd have accepted 6th at the start of the season. People laughed off 4th spot and CL. Until it became evident that the standard of quality at the top had further collapsed down a level, drawing us and others closer to that usually elusive spot. I will be bitterly disappointed if we lost out mainly because of the various disappointments that have left us anchored closer to 5th and below than 3rd. We are not in a commanding position. Could have been though. Hence the (potential) disappointment.

Still, at least we've attempted a challenge of sorts. And its far from over. Rather this than pussying around in mid-table.

I expect Villa have the exact same aspirations. Remember the encounter early in the season and how we played them off the park in the second half? One or two of their fans (on a few blogs/boards) commented how they got shown up and that Spurs were genuine contenders. And yet not long after, they hit form. It's been the essence of this roller-coaster season. Nobody has truly taken it by the scruff of the neck.

No more last chances. This is it. 14 games. 10 wins at the very least required. Odds are stacked against us.

Squeaky-bum time is officially with us.

I'm buzzing for it.

COYS.

The biggest game in our history. Ever.

Spurs v Fulham Match Preview.

It's been a while since I've brushed off that tagline and thrown it into a blog. It's usually saved when we are in dire trouble and need to dig deep and rediscover form and belief. No different today other than the fact that rather than us struggling down below, we are still sitting in 4th spot. And the objective is simply to reignite our push to remain there.

We've swayed a little. Team hasn't flowed well, not since Lennon's injury. The Hull game was disappointing, the Liverpool game shocking and Leeds in the cup complacent. It's not all doom and gloom. Not if you bundle in the 4-0 win against Posh in there too. Last eight games, we've won four of them and only lost the one. If this is us in crisis, then we can afford a smile. But as pointed out in an earlier blog, we've allowed ourselves to degrade just a touch. And although things are not quite suicidal just yet - they might be if we continue to subtly slump. Drop down to 6th/7th and you'll be able to surf on the waves of tears down Tottenham High Rd.

How do we put it right? Team selection. Has to be tight. Has to be the best line-up we can muster up, injuries permitting. And I'd leave King on the bench if he's considered to be available. No need to risk him in this game, although the fact that we have to avoid risking our best player says just about everything that needs to be said about his predicament and the position we - as a club - continue to find ourselves in.

Corluka back in the right-back position - because Hutton is all glam going forward and second rate at the back. Dawson, anchored down to the ground concentration wise. Cool and calm and in control. He's lost his head once or twice in recent games. Needs a slap and a cuddle to re-jig his brain into position.

Wilson in the middle with Huddlestone. Yes, I said Huddlestone - whacha you gonna do about it? Would you prefer Jenas sitting there?

Bale, left back. BAE might be available - but I'd retain young Gareth. Harry still needs to have a word about his defensive duties and when to display professionalism. The issue of balance across the midfield remains thanks to Lennon's injury.

Modric cutting in from the left, Niko on the right. I guess emphasis on these two to craft and create. Because Wilson and Hudd are unlikely to inject pace into the game from centre midfield. Depends - of course - whether Hudd does play, and if he does it's also dependent on if he's going to do his quarterback routine, pinging balls from deep and releasing the forwards. Then injection of pace is more of a tempo issue and as Moddle and Niko are the 'player makers' of the side, without Lennon's outlet we need to  play with width rather than squash it all with narrow football. Dink in all you like, but we can't allow the game to get congested and hamper any swagger we aim to display.

These two players are imperative and the rest of the side will lift their game to their setting. Just hope the setting is pointing at 'sizzling' rather than 'snoozing'. Modric is still finding his feet since returning. Niko is only in a lull because his performances haven't been as sublime, but that's not to say he hasn't been performing well.

Balance restored to the Facere IMO. Well, as much as we can expect.

Up front, Defoe - just because. Hopefully some part of him is hurting. No, I'm not talking about the part that Katie Price has been jumping up and down on. I'm talking about his head, which, I guess has also been potentially sat on by…anyways what I'm actually referring to is the penalty miss and the fact that he hasn't quite destroyed anyone since Wigan at home. Has to be more determined and has to move around with a lot more oomph otherwise the Fulham defence will sit back and soak him up.

Alongside him - I have a feeling it's going to be Keane. Not sure why. I've got a gut feeling, a sense of nausea. Ideally, I'd go with Pav. Might as well give him a farewell home game. He looked sharp, alert and confident against Leeds. Granted it was against League One opposition, but he was far more composed than some of the other players. Harry should ask him to just run around a lot and kick it in the net and we'll be sorted. Crouch has to be selfish if he does play. He does plenty for us by winning headers but doesn't stab it towards goal half has often as he should. It's a sigh and a half that we've got 4 'on paper' top class strikers and they've all got issues to over-come. Some more serious than others.

We are owed a performance. Three points and two goals or more. Fulham won't make it easy and I don't think this game is going to be comfortable, unless we start rampantly. Otherwise, hard evenings work in store especially if we start to miss chances in front of goal like we've done in recent games. You saw how Leeds grew in confidence. Fulham are in a far better position to hurt us if we are wasteful.

So, in conclusion, yet another re-hashed demand from the stands for the players: Stand up, be counted, and believe. Drops of points from here onwards will ruin our challenge for that 4th spot. Simply no room for powder-puff football.

Cometh the Spurs!

Liverpool v Spurs: End it

16 years. 65 games, 21 draws, 44 defeats.

Our staggeringly limp and pathetic away record to the 'top four' sides. Unlike other clubs who achieve moderate success on their travels, sometimes providing a shock - we seem to suffer from a self-inflicted psychological problem that stops us from ever getting further than a shared point. We choke and disappoint. I've never been certain of the exact cause. Is it over-confidence? Is it mis-placed belief? Do we perceive ourselves us equals when we should play like underdogs? Should we be more bullish perhaps, more tactically astute? Or should we go for the kill, with no room for respect? Maybe it's simply a curse that relates to fan expectation that somehow causes fragility of the players akin to a big egg falling off a wall, beyond repair. On top of the underlying issue, year upon year of disappointment in these games is going to have a continuing detrimental effect that compounds it further. Although the same could be said of the 16 years of hurt in games against Chelsea until we found the testicular fortitude to turn it around and have since vastly improved our standard against them. As it should be.

One thing is for certain. There must never be fear. Or uncertainty. Big ask that, knowing how powder-puff we can be. A winners mentality is of course birthed from winning.

You know what, I'm sick to death with all the defeatism (i.e. the above paragraph and the fact it had to be mentioned) and also the unnecessary war cry or two that we tend to hear pre-match (remember Robbie Keane's before the game at the Emirates?) I know they're just sound-bites, the type that all players dish out, but it always seems to work against us. A clue perhaps that our players are trying to talk themselves into believing they can.

Liverpool are wounded. Not quite dead and more than able to sit up in a position where a sudden jolt forward and jump up is not beyond the realms of possibility as they land a surprise punch square in our face. But they are still wounded and any crafty movement can be telegraphed if we know what to look for. Their performances lack their usual combination of guile and quality. Instead, they remain fragmented thanks mostly to the gradual drain of confidence and the pressures on their manager. But they've proved more than capable in the past when playing without Gerrard or Torres. Granted, they had Alonso too back then. The fact is, who cares? Sod 'em. Kick 'em when they're down.

This still shouldn't be perceived as 'easy' and we must earn the right from kick-off to own the field, ignoring the predictions of others. Considering the various sub-plots at play it will be (hopefully) highly entertaining.

So simply this; from our perspective we must get at them. Pressure and chase the ball when not in possession and bloody well be ruthless when presented with an opportunity in front of goal (you hear that JJ?). Their fans will no doubt be making ear-bleeding noise. Lap it up. Play like the home side, make them worry about us. Attack them. Destroy them. I want to see Rafa cry.

No Huddlestone this evening, which means Jenas has to use his pace. If there's a game that is crying out for one of his rare uber-performances, this is it. Box to box devastation please (stop laughing).

Still no Lennon (could be out a little longer than expected) and we'll have to wait whether its Crouch up front with Defoe or if Robbie gets his chance against his boyhood team. The defence need to keep an eye on Kuyt and the flanks.

We are 4th. We have dropped important points at home. Points that might have had us comfortably in 3rd. We are now at that point in the season where we must be making strides forwards, the type that aids the mentality of the team in a positive manner and turns hope into something quantifiable. No more talk, plenty of action.

I want to believe.

But I wont be able to personally influence the outcome of the game. Not unless someone emails me the hotel Howard Webb is staying in. It's up to the players. The faith they have in themselves. Either they prove to us they're good enough or they can settle for the status quo. I'm not suggesting this is the be all and end all of our season. Rather it being an opportunity, a stage, to make a statement. One that screams 'we don't give a fucking shit about anything other than the three points'.

90 minutes and a bit of injury time and we'll all know.

COYS.

Back to business

Morning. Another small club that has a habit of sometimes punching above their weight (as we found out when they famously beat us 1-0 at WHL). I'ts Hull at home.

There is no need for deep analytical discourse on who should play and how best we break them down. It's Hull. And we need to do one thing. Remember what Stoke and Wolves achieved in our back garden? Complete avoidance of anything similar is the order of the day.

Hopefully those complacent, rusty and somewhat wasteful in front of goal efforts are a thing of the past now that the second half of the season is upon us. The players have to be professional and prove they want it and show belief. I guess that's what makes the best in the country the best. The teams that constantly believe and play to the required standard.

Three massive points IMO today. Mainly because losing these types of games at this juncture in the season WILL be costly. Liverpool away is a similar game re: under-performing when considered to be favourites - with 3 of their best players (their only decent ones you might argue) out injured. But more on that early next week.

All eyes on Harry I'm sure, with how he handles the occasion with that slight distraction of a certain court case on the horizon.

For now, it's all about the footie. No mistakes or over-sights permitted.

LDN Derby Match Preview: Fulham v Spurs – It’s all about the Lily...whites

It's almost Christmas. I can taste it in the air. The cold bitter mornings, the flurries of snow. Bright lights in the high street. Carol singers. Last minute shopping. All the traditional sights and sounds surrounding us all. And let's not be forgetting the turkey. The Christmas turkey. Well that's not quite with us just yet. It's usually dished out by Spurs when we work out Santa won't be the one delivering us the one present we dream of. Three points. You don't get to ask for that. You get given it if deserved. Charity begins at home. Or in this case 'away'.

Fulham away

It's Fulham, all-conquering Zamora-raging Fulham, on Boxing Day. I like Craven Cottage. It's pretty much a decent away day, mainly because of the amount of fans we take there and the locality of the ground and the neighbouring pubs. Their fans are decent folk too. Although that Lily Allen scares me. You know what I'm talking about. With her menacing eye-liner stare and rock'n'roll cigarette smoking. The way she struts around, nipple on show. She's unnerving. And as for her lyrics, they bite their way through societies ills with a touch of satire. She's a high maintenance  woman with plenty of verbal punch that seems to bring out all my insecurities concerning strong-willed women. She's sort of scary but not really. Much like Roy Hodgson's side. Not the showing of nipples (does Bobby have nice tits?) but the 'bringing out insecurities' bit. We sort of get stage fright at the Cottage, when we shouldn't really. Much like I did when I met Lily. Well, actually, technically speaking I didn't meet her per say. I saw her. From a distance. I was sort of walking towards the same place as she was but further back than she was and she didn't see me. Okay, so I was following her home. Some might argue this is considered stalking. And some might agree with this argument. But like I explained to the police officer at the time, it's a free country and I happen to be walking in the same direction as a celebrity and at the same time but at a far slower pace. A mere coincidence I assured him.

We need to go to Fulham, with respect for their form, but also not to be afraid to take the game to them. Have a right go. Do you know what I mean?

I wouldn't mind having a crack at them. At her. I mean I wouldn't mind having her crack...a crack…a crack at Lily Allen. I fancy her in that, 'damn I really hope you look like those GQ pictures in real life' kinda way. Which you sort of did from behind but the clothes you were wearing were a little baggy so it was hard to know if you've been photo-shopped extensively in those glossy mag pictures.

Okay. Right. I'm sorry. I'm losing my way a little. Medication wears off a little too quickly nowadays. And the monitor glare always seems to induce hallucinations. I'm okay. I'm sweating, but I'm fine.

Back on topic. Without the sub plots.

Fighting the trend

As mentioned, we don't much like it there (Fulham away), usually preferring to surrender fairly quickly and let the home side boss and dictate the midfield. We can be distinctively average at Craven Cottage. This being a post-Christmas clash is doubly worrying just because, well I don't know why. I guess I'm living in the past again. Because on current form - as far as we are concerned - we can handle ourselves just fine on our travels. So perhaps there is no need to knee-jerk before the game has even been played out.

The crux of it is, we tend to always fool ourselves into thinking we'll cope with them and yet fail to do so. That 4-0 FA Cup win is the type of repeat performance we can do with. And end this annoyance once and for all. We are decent away from home (repeated again just to drum home the point to myself). So we need to be confident going into this one.

Awesome Dawson

It's going to be won/lost in midfield. Obviously up to Dawson and Bassong (not going to the ANC - not great for him, great for us) to handle 'destroyer of bloggers' Bobby Zamora, rather than allow him to bully our back line, much like he did to King and Woodgate last time out. There was some of that naivety, inexperience away to Everton when the back-line sort of went from steel to jelly. No commanding presence. I noted how Dawson - even though he's 26 years young - has not had a consistent run over a period of seasons, rather bit parts here and there. But with every game, he is handling the responsibility of being the captain with much deserved acclaim. Dare I say, he's vocal? Don't whisper it, shout it. About time we had someone in there screaming out to players, encouraging and organising. He might not be a Ledley King in terms of the three 'C's (cool calm control) but he's still bloody fantastic. A proper honest down to earth hard working footballer who is not that bad of a player and has no qualms about rolling up his sleeves and getting dirty. He puts himself in there. He's got a bit of Tottenham in him. And one day so will Lily.

He could save us a few bob in the transfer market if he continues to impress in this fashion. I'm hearing 'Upson' get mentioned once too often in recent days and for whatever price is being tagged on him, I say 'no'. Change of tune here. We might just be alright at the back if Harry shows continued faith in our boy Daws. As for the Sunderland rumour. Do one. Lazy hacks.

Tactics

As for Fulham. Duff, Murphy and Dempsey will pose a threat so we need Wilson to enforce and protect and break-up play and Huddlestone (stats wise, he's in the top 5 best midfielders in the country for pass completion and apparently has more interceptions than Palacios - WOW) to work hard making sure there is no separation of partnership and no over-running done by the opposition. Yes, I said Hudd has to work hard. Which might mean we see Jenas play. I'm like a broken record with this. Every match preview, I ask if Hudd is suited for the next game and if there's a suspicion he might struggle then I suggest that the opposite of Tommy (high energy) has to be the resolution. Who would you have? Is there even a difference? I'd say there is and that Huddlestone offers more. Although when he is found lost in the mix, he can become redundant pretty quickly. Jenasesque almost. Or perhaps not. Perhaps its time to shut the fuck up about Hudd and take note of what he does on pitch.

I'm actually unable to decide on this midfield conundrum. Huddlestone starts every game. As much as some of us stand with thumbs pointing downwards, he must be doing something right to retain his place (check out the opta stats on the Sky Sports site). And as much as we'd like to believe Palacios does all the hard grafting, Tommy does get involved. The problem is the balance of that partnership is perhaps a little lopsided at the moment.

Same question for Crouch/Keane. Peter of Clancy could cause them some trouble, climbing all over their centre-backs, fouling them to his heart’s content. Scored two at Blackburn, so unless Harry uses his rotation excuse, he'll remain in the starting line-up. He can't really be dropped, not if Keane is still being punished for his Orish indiscretions. Which isn't the case at all. He's on the bench because he's not been very good. But don't be telling the hacks that because their back pages will dry up.

Conclusion

You know, re-thinking this, in the way of tactics or even a player-to-player comparison with the Fulham lads - its probably completely unnecessary. Not in the way of menacing disrespect. They are a plucky side, a decent one. But more the case that we - Spurs - are more than capable of going there and winning. We have the quality and we've shown the heart. Rather than take it for granted, all that Harry has to acquire from the players is yet more backbone and intent. And we've done that in practically all of our away games so far. So it's not so much as expecting the win but knowing, deep down, we are more than capable of doing so if the application is there.

I say, go forth and attack.

If the defence remain alert and Palacios/whomever fight for every ball then the likes of Lennon and Kranjcar will have time to do their usual hurting of the opposition. Basic football 101. Play as a unit, for each other, and play to our strengths. Going to Fulham on the back foot would be an embarrassment. Going there and limply rolling over and getting tickled would be humiliating.

As a way of comparison, watch how the Fulham players take the game to us on the day. They will not rest on their laurels or the glory of their recently released club DVD celebrating their 3-0 thrashing of Man Utd (they did release a DVD, right?).

We have to create hype rather than believe it.

That's almost it folks. One more blog (possibly) to come before Xmas and then I'll be back in front of a pc on Monday 28th Jan looking forward to 2010, West Ham at home and a month’s worth of detox. Have a wonderful Christmas. Hope Santa unloads his sack with everything you could ever wish for. And perhaps this time next year I'll be unloading my own sack when I finally get Lily alone.

Or from afar. With binoculars. Same difference. The end result is always going to be the same. I'll eat pizza and fall asleep.

The Respect Bobby Zamora Campaign

The Fulham fans (the ones that blog, evil lot they are) might not appreciate him but there is no denying Bobby Zamora is the real deal. He's the original Carlton Cole prototype. Clumsy? Sure, but undeniable and unplayable also. The clumsy stuff, that disguises the skill and intent. But unlike Cole, he's also got another devastating ingredient. Anger. A ton of anger. Plenty of fiery in your face have some of that anger. Bob has been inspiring for Fulham, taking himself to the next level of strikership. His goals are created purely from his presence in and around the box as though he wills the ball into an area where he can simply smack it in. He's practically telepathic. Brilliant player, has to travel to South Africa with England and without a doubt the most naturally gifted English forward from England currently playing in England.

The only way for Dawson and Bassong to stop this man is to shot him in the arse with a tranquilliser gun then drop a piano on him then dig a hole 100 feet deep and push him in and bury him in cement and then have Tony Soprano and his mob to crack open the cement, remove the body and then whack him with two bullets in the back of the head, dismember him into fifty different parts mailing them to fifty different countries around the world with instructions to boil the parts and then feed the soup to pigs. Wait for the pigs to digest the soup, slaughter the pigs and then turn them into bacon and serve the bacon as part of an all-English breakfast, with eggs beans, all that stuff, you know the drill, to Only Fools and Horses loving ex-pats who then go out on a bender and vomit their breakfast out into whatever street they're standing in and then let the rain wash it away into the drains where the rats then feed on the remaining chunks.

That won't stop Bob scoring a brace, but he'll probably fall short of notching up a hat-trick. Probably. Not guaranteed. It's Zamora. Who am I kidding? He'll endeavour and he'll come through the other side, letting you - yes you the ones who bemoan him behind the goal - exactly what he thinks. When you sit in row Z and the ball hits your head it's Zamora, and he meant it, because he was aiming for you, you mouthy over-critical Fulham blogging gits.

Respect him. Applaud him. The Z Man is back.


Fulham v Spurs match preview on its way (tomorrow probably).

Rovers v Spurs: Fight for your right to party

Time for the truth. No, I'm not talking about the Dublin unofficial Christmas-do. That was yesterdays news. The only thing of importance is how we follow up the comfortable 3-0 home against Manchester City with a win today, away to Blackburn. This game and our next one against Fulham are quite possibly season defining. Not forgetting West Ham before 2009 closes. Okay, too much with the dramatics there, but maximum points will go along way with cementing belief and progress going into the New Year. Last time up at Rovers, we led until the 82nd minute. And lost the game in the 89th. No thanks to the ref sending Wilson off, but it had similar foundations that collapsed so epically away to Everton recently. So that olde question about mental strength is about to be asked once more.

Swift sharp answer please.

Our 'rivals' all have very winnable games, so pressure on. As ever.

Won't be an easy one. Probably won't be too pretty either. And without a doubt a game where players will be required to step up. Dollops of leadership from all areas of the pitch. Tactically, I'm sure Blackburn have plans to suffocate the supply from the midfield to Lennon out hugging the touchline. All eyes on how Harry deals with any potential 'job' done on both Azza and of course our talisman, Niko.

Talking of which, Modric wont be watching from the bench. Precautionary (ankle injury) I'm sure. King on his way back also, but doubt we'll see a change in the back four - which did very well with coping with City in midweek (as limp as they were).

No room for southern powder-puff up in the gritty north. Key for me is Palacios. Need him to be at his brick-wall best and hopefully not too wasteful with his distribution. Fact is, there is no way to predict it. Such is our consistent inconsistency.

Meant to be snowing/freezing up there (much like most of the country at the moment). Add Big Sam's brand of stench football to the mix and we're in for a fight. Won't be easy, they won't make it easy. It's pretty much another test of character and one that has to have the conclusion of cutting edge.

I like Tottenham, even with our blips. The blips are self-inflicted mind blocks blinding us momentarily. They can be corrected and avoided altogether. We are not getting out played by anyone. We are bossing possession and if we're not (in the course of a game) we still have enough about us to create chances. We are sort of on auto-pilot. Which is not ideal. It's time for some control.

Dig deep. Dictate. Retain the ball. Pick off the opposition. Kill the game off.

Over to you Tottenham. It's time for an audacious plot, planned with military precision. The objective? Three points.

COYS.

Spurs v City: Fortune favours the brave

Massive game for us this evening. Mainly because of what's happened recently. We are swaying like a bridge in a storm. But it's best to remember we're built of sterner stuff these days. Pretty much like a bridge. It's meant to sway, see out the storm. I have confidence the bridge won't be destroyed. It's just raining on the heavy side rather. No hurricane. Not yet.

Okay, so we could have done more at Villa (in the first half), didn't and fought back superbly well to claim a point and probably should have won it. After that game Villa fans (quite a few of them) were in agreement that we (Spurs) were in a far better place to challenge for the Top 4 than them. All off the back of that result having out played them in the second 45. Then Everton away, and although from the knee-jerking post match you'd think our season was over, we were but a spot kick away from winning this. Okay, we didn't and people discussed mental strength and tactics - which is fine, because we let the game slip from our grasp. As Martin Samuel puts it, the enemy is within. Spurs are beating Spurs. And at home to Wolves we practically gave ourselves a bloody nose, leaving ourselves slumped in a dark alley, shaking our head profusely. Confused and lost.

Stoke at home was bad enough, but the 1-0 loss against a 3rd minute winner against Wolves was just awful and pretty much unacceptable.

Around us, Villa have beaten Man Utd (away) and Sunderland and now sit 3rd in the table. Birmingham are suffering from a nosebleed of their own. The good kind. So our game against Man City tonight takes on extra significance. They are finding winning form after so many draws. Historically, they always lose to us at the Lane (and we don't do too badly up at Eastlands). It's a tricky one to predict.

What is required is a home win. A good one. A confidence boosting morale hugging victory. Swagger, clinical finishing. The chests-out look at us we are so great type of run out. We all know that in the Prem this season, you only have to register a win to 'turn your season around', as seen by the coverage Arsenal get (they lose, they're out the title race, they win, they're back in it).

Three points will leave us sitting in 5th (where we are now) but 3 points ahead of the Brummies and 4 ahead of City. Liverpool at home to Wigan, so they're not that far behind either.

But tonight is not about the points. Okay, it is, but it's more about sending out a message. Players have to focus, dig deep and rediscover some of that form that got us up in this healthy position in the first place. Won't be easy, but if we are firing on all cylinders at least we cant complain about them not giving it a go. No more wet performances please. City, no doubt, will want to prove something too. And if we lose again - at home - God help Santa. No amount of presents is going to aid the crying hearts of the Tottenham faithful.

Massive task in midfield. City are hard working in that department, so Wilson will have to perform well for us to have any time to allow Huddlestone to ping passes around. Problem is, Wilson hasn't been performing well. Is it a personal issue or simply a lack of form that hits everyone. If the latter, Harry has to resolve it quickly. I've read opinions that suggest he's a bit lost in there because Huddlestone isn't doing enough work. But then thinking back to the first 4 games, Hudd/Palacios worked like magic.

Lennon is key to success, as ever. Same with Niko. Give either of these two time on the ball and we'll craft and create. You know all too well who is up front for them, and we all know he always fancies his chances against us, so the centre-backs have to be commanding. We're going to concede tonight. So emphasis on our attack. Defoe up front with Keane. Plenty of eyes on these two. Cannot emphasis how frustrating we've been in front of goal recently. Chances created, chances fluffed. Has to change.

Battles all across the field of play, the side that wins more of them wins the war. Obviously. My point is, we two sides no better than each other. Both with strengths and weakness both possessing individual flair that can win a game in the blink of an eye. Let's hope our lot don't freeze in the cold evening air.

I doubt it, after the Wolves embarrassment. Nothing can be taken for granted now. So expect some blood and thunder tempo from our lads.

Modric? Doubt he's fit enough to start. Wouldn't make sense for him to do so. Perhaps a cheeky final 25 minutes as he continues his return to first team action. JJ has been sick, so not a clue if he's available. Which is either a good thing or a bad thing depending on where your Love/Hate arrow is pointing on the Jenas-o-meter.

Interesting footnote, and I know its the usual kidology that takes place pre-match, but our guv has been talking about the African Nations Cup and the loss of Bassong and BAE leaving us with little cover at the back thanks to Woody and Kings continued absence. No question, that regardless of where we stand come the New Year - it's not just another central midfielder required. Villa collapsed late last season. We still have to get ourselves in a similar position. We have to get ourselves in that position and then we have to be able to consolidate it. Because from the looks of it, its still up for grabs.

So. Onwards with making a statement. News of our death has been greatly exaggerated.

Spurs v Wolves: The Making of the DVD (match preview)

Match preview time. Shockingly short (by my usual standards). Busy weekend means I'm unlikely to be online tomorrow morning to allow for any form of blogging.

So...

Which Spurs will turn out at White Hart Lane this weekend?

Sexy swaggering Spurs (9-1 v Wigan) or the possession dominating chance wasting version (0-1 v Stoke)? It's not going to be the latter. It positively absolutely can not be the latter. We have to win. Quality on the pitch, pound for pound, player for player has to equal three fat points served up on a plate with a side order of chips and salad to compliment the spit-roast dished out, cooked to perfection, glazed and crispy.

Badly constructed analogy aside, we can't afford any slip-ups.

70% of the ball, wave upon wave of attack, 15/20 shots at goal - all of these stats will count for nothing if Stoke, I mean Wolves, sucker-punch us to win by a single goal.

I'm not suggesting we'll walk it. I'd like us to, but rather than believe that Wolves will be easily brushed aside, I'd like to think Harry and the players are well aware that these are the worst types of banana skins. That ruthlessness missing in the Everton game has to be back in abundance, much like it was against Wigan. Kill 'em off. Dismantle them. This isn't about not showing Wolves respect. It's about showing (us) the fans some.

Mental strength of a different kind required. Wolves have been easily bullied at times this season and it's all dependent on what Mick McCarthy decides to do tactically (defend with 10 outfield players behind the ball). If this game is open, it might end up being another DVD. It its not, and they frustrate us, then God help us and all the admins and moderators on all the football message boards across the internet.

City fudged it up at home against them, so there's evidence of fighting spirit in their ranks. That's the match template to avoid. Don’t rest on our laurels. Give them enough problems to be concerned with in order to overwhelm them. The Wigan template being the one we need to follow.

I don't expect Harry will change much. Maybe the re-introduction of Robbie Keane (in case we get a penalty, and he does loving playing against his former clubs) at the expense of Crouchie. Defoe will want to add to his tally and make up for the two points lost thanks to his less than confident spot kick. Niko has the chance to dictate tempo, with a certain other Croatian looking on. I'm hoping Luka gets his 20/25 mins of action, gently reintroduced to the side. I'm still going with one word: Galvanise. That's what he'll do when he's fully fit. And I can only imagine the type of noise when he stands on the touchline with a final stretch or two before running on to dink and sway and cut inside with the of the hairs on the back of my neck, long in hibernation, ripping themselves free from my skin and rocketing into the sky over North London.

No pressure Modric. No pressure lad.

Wouldn't change anything else. No King and no Woodgate means it's up Dawson to lead by example at the back. Bassong needs to improve. BAE will return to his usual composed quiet self after the antics up at Goodison Park. Daws has done well for us back there and although we suffered (shape wise) at Everton due to lack of 'experience' (yes, he's 26 years old but he's no Woodgate or King in terms of organisation) it should be a little more comfortable at the Lane. Well, as long as the midfield make sure the offensive play is scrumptious at best for our strikers to feed off. Although I'd happy score three from 5 chances than 1 from 15.

As for Azza. Hugging the touchline or counter-attacking, either way, get the ball over to him and let him do what he does best. Could well be a case of Niko to Lennon to the wing, cross/cut back, header/shot…goal.

Football. It's just plenty of running around and kicking it in the net® (all rights reserved Harry Redknapp).

Jenas for Wilson? What do you reckon? Might be the only other potential change. Might. JJ loves games like this (weaker opposition) and if he gets forward he'll cause little 'hampton a stiff problem or two. I live for the day to witness JJ bossing a game, running with complete impunity from deep in midfield, thrusting forward with guile and smashing it in to wheel away in celebration, chest out, proud and loving it. Oh gosh, did I just share with you my number one fantasy?

*Blush*

Huddlestone, for all the much-maligned discussion, will once more retain his place. If Wilson does play in midfield alongside him then he'll have plenty of time to run onto balls, edge of box, and play those pin point balls to feet that we do appreciate (and we do).

It's got to be professional.

Ridiculous that there's butterflies and nervous twitches in amongst the Spurs faithful, but such is the way of supporting this club. Nothing can ever be taken for granted.

COYS, sing up sing up.

Another massive massive game

Everton away. Considering how Villa and City got on yesterday and the fact that if we're serious about competing for a top 4 place - I can't see anything less than 3 points as being an acceptable result today. King of the understatements. Everton are depleted.

Heitinga (suspended).

Anichebe, Areta, Jagielka, Neville, Vaughan all injured.

Distin, Gosling, Yobo, Jo, Osman...all doubtful.

I'll be disappointed if we go there, under-perform and lose. I'll be disappointed if we go there and fail to capitalise on their plight. I'll be disappointed if we don't win convincingly. I'm not asking for the moon on a stick here. Show the same intent we had in the Villa (second half) game, and we'll be all smiles come the final whistle.

Big test of our mental strength this. Considering the lack of sustained effort against the Utd reserves in the cup. Take the game to them, boss possession and pick 'em off. There's no doubt Moyes will have his side giving it 100% so - if you abide by the Laws of Hope - you'd think we'd be able to tell our class show.

As for Harry, who's he gonna  pick? Huddlestone or Jenas? Keane or Crouch?

I'll start Huddlestone and let him quarter-back his way through the game, spraying balls to his hearts content. Niko has to be certainty. And personally, I'd stick Crouchie up front with JD and let the Everton defence worry about the tall man little man combo.

This season is going to be tight, and these are the types of tests we need to pass with flying colours.

COYS and all that jazz.