NLD Part II

Rather than go over the same old 'we must do this, we must do that' war-cry blog entry, just re-read this:

/imported-data/2008/1/8/nld-semi-final-preview.html

And follow this thread:

http://www.rumourwhores.com/board/viewtopic.php?id=9597&p=1

Blood and thunder, again please. This time with an end result.

Roll on, number 23.

UPDATE: 22, not 23.

NLD semi-final preview

So, here we are again. Another North London Derby. Another semi-final in the Carling Cup. Another mis-match against the might of the Arsenal kids and reserves. Simply put, we don’t stand a sodding chance. Let’s ignore the fact that we have a midfield without grit and grace and also the near epic annoyance of having to play a defence which has lacked organisation and responsibility all season and instead look at the waif between the sticks, the new slim-line still-crap Paul Robinson who has turned David Blaine with a quite uncanny ability to concede goals out of thin air. His two-step back-step egg-on-face trick against Reading clearly displays the fact that Arsenal won’t even need to send out any players on Wednesday night. We are quite capable of losing the game all on our own.

Even with a full strength team, Spurs are stuck in traffic in a clapped out Robin Reliant while Arsenal are hitting speeds of 195mph in their Ferrari Enzo. Jeremy Clarkson would happily defecate his disapproval on our bonnet and nobody would notice the steaming addition.

Last season we believed we would beat them, and at 2-0 up and Berbatov on fire we probably would have had he not gone off injured. He did, and we followed it up with our customary collapse in the second half.

Plucky. Almost. Could have. Should have. Nearly. All synonymous with our big game outings.

Almost, could have, should have won at the Emirates a few weeks back. But once more we choked harder than a filthy skank fellating a donkey on the set of Animal Farm Redux. Like clockwork, it’s nailed on to happen. Tears streaming down our sorry face. Bitter taste in mouth.

While we hope and pray and attempt to build up some much needed hype, they just get on with it. Why do we even bother building ourselves up for the fall?

Let’s not forget they have 10 years of consistency while we sit at ground zero (again). Which is why their 17 and 18 year olds fit in into a polished system so perfectly well. Ours just look lost in amongst the more experienced but less talented first teamers. We don’t stand a chance. We shouldn’t stand a chance simply on the merit of pass achievements. It’s not the 70’s or 80’s. We haven’t been equally matched for an age. And much like the mental and psychological brain-rape that stopped us beating Chelsea in the League for a decade, the same problem exists with Arsenal.

Even at 2-0 up or 1-1 with a penalty, we lack self-belief. Almost like its accidental and not deserved, rather than taking a leaf out of their book and just being cunts about it, finishing it off with a swagger of arrogance. Yes, it’s catch-22. You have to taste success to be able to build on it. But take a look at West Ham and their record against the likes of Utd and Arsenal. We should, by right, have an even bigger reason to want to beat them. It should be a natural feeling and we should revel in the opportunities created. Ram it down their throats. Where is the spirit of '91? Stuck in the last century, sadly.

So how will this game pan out? Will it be a whitewash, completely outclassed? Or another plucky 2-1 loss? Or will Spurs boss it and choke? Am I being defeatist or realistic? I will gladly go ape-shit in the away end on Wednesday night if we beat them, but wouldn’t dare to celebrate advancement till the final whistle of the second leg.

Hopefully O’Hara will start. Steed will be at his energetic best and Berbatov oozes enough class to see us claim some kind of result. That's all more likely than expecting us to defend against set-pieces and remain solid in defence. Creating chances isn't our problem.

Lack of blood and thunder is. Two ingredients that have been missing for far too long and the only two ingredients that are capable of stirring up an upset. If we include them in our performances over the two games, then I promise to crack a smile.

So, let's be 'aving you...part 22, roll on.

The Biggest Game in our History™

Tottenham v Wigan.

We need this. Three points. Clean sheet. Confidence booster. Yes, it will be against another struggling team - but who cares? We need that 'swagger' back. We need to brush them aside. I'm not talking in the manner we beat Derby earlier in the season. I'm talking about utterly tearing them to pieces.

This season, due to commitments outside of football, I have missed the Cup games. I was also not present at the Derby win. I have yet to see Spurs win a game of football in the Prem- season 2008.

If Spurs fail to impress in this game, then Ramos has a mission impossible to get these over-paid, passion only in sound-bites, sulking mega-stars up to an acceptable standard.

I want to see them sweat blood. I want people watching the game highlights on MotD that evening thinking they've just tuned into a trailer for Frank Millers '300'.

Maybe Ramos should pluck a fan from every stand in the ground and take them into the dressing room pre-game and let them have a word with one or two of our players.

"Get a fucking grip" - is what I would say. Its a game of football. You don't suddenly turn shit over night, and if the reason for it happening has gone - then skip the transitional period and just play like your life depends on it, because we support the team like our life depends on it and its about high time you fucking gave us something back, you miserable excuse of team. I'd probably slap Berbatov across the face, get him all fired up. And I'd also slap Dawson. No reason, just has that type of face.

Spurs 5 Wigan 0 is the headline I want to be reading come Monday morning after the game.

This time last year we beat Chelsea 2-1

Remember remember, the 3rd of November....not quite the same is it?

Boro 1 Spurs 1

One point gained or two points lost?

Another performance lacking any of the sexy qualities we would wish to see in a Spurs performance. Dawson still on roller-skates, along with one or two others who appear to have yet awaken from their deep sleep. It’s night terrors week in week out for the Spurs fans. Yes, we got pegged back by a ‘beauty’ from an ex-Spurs player. If we’re not conceding comedy goals were conceding contenders for goal of the month, with their own back story for added effect.

Two games unbeaten, so can’t be that downbeat about it. Still can’t see where a big confidence boosting victory is coming from.

Ramos starting Bent and Defoe suggests he is using his opening few games to suss out the players. Doubt he learned that much on Saturday, equally so when the disinterested Berbatov came on whom apparently was set for a meeting with his agent yesterday about his future at Spurs. Don’t care how good a player you are, if you don’t want to wear the shirt then get the fuck out. Hopefully his mega-sulk hasn’t knocked off £10M from our asking price.

What's more frustrating is the fact that once more we take the lead and fail to keep it. Stat attack:

This season, we have taken the lead in 8 games out of 12. Only Man Utd and Arsenal have done so more often than us (with 10 and 9 respectively). Not surprisingly we have the lowest % rate in the Prem for winning a game we have taken the lead in. That's how vulnerable (shit) we are.

We covert just 13% of our leads into three points. That's relegation form right there for you.

Elsewhere, Jol wants to return to Spurs at some point in the future (surely he is taking the piss?). He is still the king of the soundbites. His interview in The Observer is a strange one. Remarking about how Berbatov came to him this season and said ‘I want him to achieve things’. Think Jol must have reminded him he still plays for Spurs.

And this sums up the big man:

A master of the one-liner, Jol jokes about that affinity. He is dressed in a burgundy shirt, similar in colour to Arsenal's centenary kit of two seasons ago. 'This is the first time I wear this colour, it's unbelievable,' says Jol. 'But that is what they put into you when you are at Spurs. If I would have £2billion I would buy Arsenal. And I'd make a big parking place from the Emirates and make a new stadium for Spurs. Or for another club, you know. That is a nice one!'

If only he was as good a manager as he was dealing with the media.

Spurs now have the following fixtures, up and coming:

Tel-Aviv (A) UEFA
Wigan (H)
West Ham (A)
AaB (H) UEFA
Birmingham (H)
Anderlecht (A) UEFA
Man City (H)
Pompey (A)
Man City (A) League Cup
Arsenal (A)
Fulham (H)
Reading (H)

Need to bag 3 or 4 wins before we face Arsenal. Because if we don’t, it means no improvement has been made, and they will no doubt rape us at the Emirates.

Worst. Season. Ever.

One Hundred and Twenty Five

This coming Monday will be fascinating. Spurs at home to Aston Villa, and after this weekends batch of games we could be second from bottom – so you would expect that winning and collecting three points will be the main focus for everyone at the club. Instead, we will be treated to a celebration of 125 Glorious years (with around 90 years of mediocrity mixed in), which includes the match day programme setting you back £10. Another case of 'Spurs fans are mugs so let's charge them the earth'. If you've got a few grand spare (4k) in your back pocket then don't bother with this, get your hands on the Opus book instead. Fuck it, just send the deed to your house to Daniel Levy and be fucking done with it.

However, I like the idea of White Hart Lane being illuminated with lights and projections with additional searchlights beaming into the sky to herald our anniversary. The muggers on Tottenham high road will see profits dip momentarily with the lack of shadows where they usually work their magic.

There's more. The high road alongside WHL will include images of our legends (if Freund isn't up there I will be bitterly disappointed). Again, nice to be reminded that 46 years ago we were the dog’s bollocks. You know the sixties. Nineteen sixty one to be precise. Nicholson. Blanchflower. Mackay. Black and white tv's. Everyone shagging Jimmy Greaves wife. Football boots that weighed a ton. League title and FA Cup winners. In the same season. First time this century. Last century. 1900's. The double, you know. History. It's what this club is about. Winning it. When it mattered. Because back then football was salt of the earth. Meant more than it does now. Irrelevant that every other club we considered rivals have left us behind while we hug onto a distant memory. 1961. Bobby Smith and all that. Play those old skool tapes on the Jumbotron again with that emotional Star Wars music to really show the world what we're about. In your face, present day. Stick it up your arse.

There's more. The special commemorative flag which apparently will ‘help create a carnival party atmosphere in the stands’ must surely be Levy’s pièce de résistance, because no amount of flag waving will stop our calamity defence conceding goals while Villa dick us and our 125th celebrations turn into a complete farce. So unless there's a Martin O'Neil voodoo doll attached, this type of thing is better left to clubs who do it better, like Arsenal and their hymn sheets and their singing sections. Oh look how pretty the Lane is with all those colours......and, oh, 2-0 Villa....but look, look, I see a Holsten shirt on the Shelf Side and that bloke over there is wearing three scarf's, what a nutter!

Games like this have textbook egg-on-face potential. I would expect (and hope) that the desired effect is one of majestic inspiration. What a perfect occasion one would think, to help elevate ourselves from the bottom three and finally put in a Premiership performance we can be proud of. With Newcastle and Liverpool to follow (both away) – this game is almost do or die (with 0 points to follow from those next 2 games based on previous history).

‘Oh Spooky, why oh why are you so negative?’

I’m not being negative. I keep expecting the team to click into place but we seem to shut down more often than a Windows operating system. The anti-virus software can’t seem to quarantine the Levy trojan and with the hard drive decimated with bad sectors a re-format is on the cards.

Time to change to Linux?

If we lose against Aston Villa at home I will support Arsenal for one week. Yes. Arsenal.

This is not an act of Judasness. This is much like what Mahatma Gandhi did back in the day. This is the highest form of protest, one that surpasses boycotting the Spurs shop or burning a season ticket. I am doing the unimaginable to prove just how much I love the club.

This coming Monday will be fascinating.

Relegation Dogfight

Bolton away over the weekend. Lose that and surely we will be relegated by Christmas. Only King missing now, leaving him as our only major injured player. Hopefully this Thursday against the Cyprian village team we might get to see The Prince and more of Tarrabt (probably both on the bench). What everyone wants to see is a swagger and a smile from Berbatov. Though knowing Jol, as this is a home game, we might get Bent and Defoe upfront. Nah, of course we wont.

I'm away (again) from tomorrow till the following Thursday so once more the blog wont be updated during the late evenings and this weekend. Which means I wont be able to comment on the Bolton game till Monday.

If you were wondering about the downtime, no its not whores and coke. Rehab does work when you're not a rock star (lack of funds means the only way to fall off the rails is working a stint at Kings Cross - and I aint doing that again).

So, in a week and a bit I'll be able to update you with one or two of my ongoing projects and also catch up with all the latest in-fighting (Jol v Defoe) and board antics and of course the hissy fits of forum-dwelling Spurs fans.

Might have a fair bit to write if Bolton dick us.

Utd v Spurs

Bale and Berbatov back for selection. Will be a very interesting day for countless reasons. Will Jol park the bus or go for the jugular? How will the Spurs players react on the pitch after a weeks worth of mind melting trash talk in the press? Utd, still without a win and at home will want to impress. And traditionally, they don't struggle against us at Old Trafford.

At least theres some good news. Completely contradicting yesterdays 'statements', Berbs agent has once more gone on Bulgarian tv/radio this time stating that Berbs is remaining at Spurs.

However, Defoe could finally be on his way after Jol's comments that he must sign a new contract otherwise we will have to sell. The Judas incident being the reasoning behind it.

Back to tomorrow. We're gonna get thumped, aren't we?

Decimation: Spurs v Everton Preview

Wonderful, simply wonderful. From official site:

Martin Jol reports a few injury doubts, but expects the team to be largely unchanged when we take on Everton at the Lane tonight.

Jermaine Jenas, Teemu Tainio, Pascal Chimbonda and Didier Zokora were unable to participate in full training sessions yesterday as a result of picking up problems in Saturday's 1-0 defeat up at Sunderland.

"We've got a couple of knocks and a few players who couldn't train on Monday," revealed Martin. "Jermaine has a back problem, while Teemu doesn't feel 100 per cent. Pascal only did the warm-up and Didier didn't train.

"So there are a few little worries, but the boys want to play and put things right."

Michael Dawson remains a doubt, while not in contention are Ledley King, Benoit Assou-Ekotto, Lee Young-Pyo, Gareth Bale and Aaron Lennon (all knee).

No idea just how 'injured' Jermaine Jenas, Teemu Tainio, Pascal Chimbonda and Didier Zokora actually are. Hopefully the three midfielders are out, forcing Jol to play Taarabt.

It pains me to see a talent like him 'protected' or whatever lame excuse management want to use for not selecting him. He played all pre-season. He is creative. He is an immense talent. But there's no way of knowing just how good he actually is if he doesnt play. Did Wenger think twice about playing a certain Spanish 16 year old, who continues to get better and better with each passing year?

Steed on one wing, probably Keane on the other with Berbatov and Bent upfront. Taarabt and Huddlestone in the middle of the park - and we are set. At least that line-up is more likely to carve out a chance for the forwards.

Knowing my luck, all this 'they never trained' bollocks is Jol's idea of playing mind games. I'm sure Everton will faint when they find out that Jenas, TT and The Zok are playing. I know I will.