Enough of all this swagger and swashbuckle

I've exhausted all superlatives and find myself dizzy from sunstroke, what with the constant basking in the bright shining light that emanates from the heavens where Spurs currently reside. How many times am I expected to salivate over the form of Gareth Bale and Aaron Lennon? The untold chances created? The winning mentality crafted out of the desire to progress and reclaim lost Champions League love? The brilliance of little Luka Modric and his giant presence? The influence of Scott Parker? I'm human damn it, not a machine! So as I gather my thoughts and search through my battered thesaurus in the hope of finding replacements for over-used giddiness such as 'swagger' and 'swashbuckle', I've decided to review the 3-0 win over Bolton Wanderers by not actually referencing the game nor citing the momentum birthed from the current run of games that has seen us accumulate 31 points from a possible 33 (the pre-season friendlies against City and Utd obviously not included in that stat).

It's a bit left-field, but it's hardly the Da Vinci code. I'd ask you to enjoy it but you're probably busy reading this on your iPhone or Android whilst having Harry Redknapp's face tattooed on your back.

Epic Fail (revisited) - From September 2008.

Spurs 1 Aston Villa 2

What a shambles. I can't even be arsed to dwell too much on this miserable evening, so I'll stick to the main points.

We have three games in the space of a week. Villa, some Polish side and then Wigan on Sunday. So, what does Ramos do? He selects a disjointed and weakened side in arguably our toughest game of the three. Bentley dropped to the Bench, King rested completely. And selecting Huddlestone and Dawson to play against the pace and movement of Villa was a monumental **** up. Not helped by a typical Zokora display of complete non-existence, we sat back and watched Villa out run us, out move us, out pace us - the lot. Embarrassing.

Even when we did start to play possession football deep into the second half, there was still no end product. In fact the only person attempting end product is the one person who has no end product. Lennon.

Huddlestone in action for Spurs against Villa

The first Villa goal was scored when Huddlestone lost his man. The second, I'm not going to dwell on Gomes allowing the ball to slip under him. Gomes in the first half saved us from going into the dressing room at half-time, 4-0 down. Dawson was at fault for this one. That shot should never have been fired towards goal.

I didn't see Bent's consolation. I was already on my way out.

4 played, one draw, three defeats - two of them at home. Had we played a full strength team, I'm uncertain if the result would have been any different.

Now, you could argue losing Berbatov and Keane isn't something we are going to recover from in a handful of games. But you could also argue, that if Levy, Comolli and Ramos have been assembling this squad since the start of the summer, then resting players shouldn't result in such a shambolic performance. All tonight illustrates is that there is no true depth - which means, play the strongest side possible when a win is most needed. What we get instead is glue, sticking us to the bottom of the league.

                                                          Michael Dawson, falling over

Huddlestone should only be used as an impact sub on current form and mobility. Dawson if everyone else is injured. Zokora's over-hyped performance at Chelsea masked his deficiencies once more, for all of 5 minutes, before it dawned on the faithful that he is in fact ****ing gush. At least young Gio gave us some hope.

Poor Pav, upfront - running into space and behind defenders waiting for a ball that will never arrive. Again, its unfair to be critical of either Pav or Bent. At the moment they look too similar to be playing together - but they do need time to gel (or attempt to do so). So surely tactically, something should have been agreed upon, because if the tactic was hoofing the ball for someone to get their head on it and for someone else to run onto it, then **** are we ****ed.

I'm back at White Hart Pain on Thursday for more comedy. I live the life of a ****ing king, I do.

~ Spooky

Reader Comments (2)

Three wins from our last sixteen league games. Not a great stat. I agree tactically we were all over the shop. What is it with us and underachievement?

Sep 16, 2008 at 12:10 AM | Slamming Joe

We have nothing in midfield. There's no point in Modric if there's no hard nut defensive midfielder to look after him. The loss of K&B is devastating. Another 11th place finish is on the cards at this rate.

Sep 16, 2008 at 3:02 PM | Kings Dodgy Knee

Glory Glory for Tottenham: Flashback to Carling Cup win

I'm about to disappear on a hiatus of sorts. I'll sporadically post when I can but the next week or so you'll have to make do with Harry and loads of action. I'm sure you'll survive without my inane rants. But if you have become accustomed to them and need a fix to get you by, the boys and girls over at the hellmouth will help you with your addiction. You'll find them to be of a special type of crazy there. Otherwise, if you fancy your own hiatus, try something different.

But enough of the blatant advertising. Time for that flux capacitor to do it's thing.

Date: 25th Febuary 2008
Place: Back pages of the Evening Standard

Dicking Chelsea the day before was wonderful. Unfortunately, the quotes haven't aged too well.

"This just goes to show what he has done in a short amount of time. It's no fluke because he did it at Sevilla as well so he must have something really special. Certain managers have that luck about them. He has certainly done a tremendous job. To have a trophy after a few months is an incredible achievement" - Robbie Keane on 'Our Special Juan'

"The way Tottenham stood up to Chelsea gives supporters a real hope that a new era of sustained success is finally about to begin at White Hart Lane" - Michael Hart, Chief Football Correspondent, Evening Standard

"We have a very good manager and he has proved it by winning the final. There was no pressure on Ramos, but this is a wonderful achievement for him and the players" - Daniel Levy

"I have a lot of football to come and will stay with the team. I'm confident there are more trophies to follow" - Ledley King

"I am here, I want to win things and hopefully this is the first of many for me. It means a lot to beat Chelsea, they are a fantastic team. When the final whistle blew it was an indescribable feeling. Everyone was happy and it was great to see so many smiles. It's a major trophy and we wanted European football again. This is our moment, but on Tuesday we start again. We have important games ahead of us. We have big goals ahead of us. The manager is a winner and he knows how to win things. This is his first trophy and I hope it's the first of many" - Dimitar Berbatov

"The team has been improving in terms of security and confidence and yesterday's win reaffirmed that. The players have shown they can concentrate and fight with the best of them" - Juande Ramos

"In the dressing room afterwards, the players were all saying 'now let's win the UEFA Cup'" - Robbie Keane

Back to the future and I can happily live (if we win it) with reading the quotes from Redknapp about how monumental it was to beat Utd in the final, proper David and Goliath stuff, because, you know...we're down to the bare bones. I'll even look the other way when Levy sanctions the release of the Carling Cup Double special edition DVD.

Coys, let's be 'aving you. I fancy starting the month of March with a big fat smile on my face.

Comments

[Slamming Joe]

Three wins from our last sixteen league games. Not a great stat. I agree tactically we were all over the shop. What is it with us and underachievement?

[Kings Dodgy Knee]

We have nothing in midfield. There's no point in Modric if there's no hard nut defensive midfielder to look after him. The loss of K&B is devastating. Another 11th place finish is on the cards at this rate.