The Biggest Game in our History™...ever.

Champions League edition

Having missed the first leg when it was shown live, and then having to sit through the full coverage knowing the gory details of our Keystone indiscretion, well…it was far from being anywhere near an enjoyable 90 minutes. I sat uncomfortably, shifting around unable to stop myself from endless disapproving nodding of the head, gasping, tirades of swearing interspersed with the word 'unbelievable'. There was more face palming than Jean Luc Picard would do on a day that would have the Borg attack Federation outposts whilst Data experienced an identity crisis and the holo-decks malfunctioned. Again.

The opening 30 minutes were very much akin to the French film Irréversible, directed by Gaspar Noé. You know the one. Some of the most uneasy viewing you could possibly ever imagine having to endure. A tormenting battering and brutal penetration leaving a dejected body, physically and mentally destroyed on the ground. And that was just the football and Michael Dawson. Don't even get me started on the film and that scene in the underpass.

But unlike Monica Bellucci's character, we are not left for dead beyond recognition (can this blog post get any more bad taste? Yes it can, hold tight). We have been embarrassed, almost humiliated. It could have been far worse, but it wasn't, and 3-2 may as well be 1-0 to them, except it isn't because we have two away goals, so the advantage is with us. It has to be with us. How could we possibly not score at the Lane? Unless we get served up a lasagne the night before, hand delivered from the Marriott Hotel by David Dein. There is simply no excuse for anything less than a convincing victory and safe passage through to the gold-paved roads of the group stages.

Perhaps in the first game we underestimated the task ahead. I know many of us did when we heard the draw. It was the best draw we could have hoped for, but not anywhere near as easy as it looked on paper. But then, that's naivety on our part. I mean, it’s a team from Switzerland, no? How could they handle a 100mph EPL club? Handle them well they did. Artificial pitch? Yes it did have a slight influence on the game, the way the ball zinged and pinged around and the way our players failed to take to it. Wasn't so much a subconscious lapse because you could visibly see them panic and freeze. Our defenders slowed down to a snails pace whilst YB cut through us like a hot axe through a cockerel made entirely of butter. I guess we were unprepared, which is scandalous considering what's at stake, but it's happened and can never be changed, so redemption is with making sure it doesn't happen again.

The more you look back the more disparaged you will feel about our initial inability to cope with the occasion. It was a choke. A combination of Harry's heimlich manoeuvre, a couple of wasteful finishes by the hosts and Pav's scorcher saving the day.

And so onwards we go into the do or die game at the Lane. Lessons learnt. The biggest game in our history, ever. Failure would mean a distinct lack of DVD releases. No 'Barcelona 0 Spurs 1' diamond encrusted club shop exclusive. No special edition Opus with it's extra glossy CL chapter with players bum-slapping each other in the changing rooms whilst Bentley and JJ dunk Harry in the bath. No doubt, over in East London, the streets will be packed with people eating and drinking like it was the Coronation all over again, another glorious chapter in their history written, statues built etc etc. Sky Sports News would probably petition to have the day extended from twenty-four hours to forty-eight so they can enjoy running the same headline long into the night.

Screw all this.

COYS. To dare is to do stuff. Positive stuff. It's no exaggeration to say that simply being there, in the groups, will be monumental in terms of stature. Sure, it might turn out to be a seasons worth of adventures, but it's one I want to experience. To push on, the players need to want it just as much. No sympathetic apologetic dejection thank you very much. Leave all that boxed up sitting next to the Ark of the Covenant in some warehouse somewhere.

But this Spurs side doesn't dwell in the past. Harry has instilled an ethic that does not disappoint when our backs are up against it.

Let's get the potential injuries out the way first. Modric, dos Santos, Pav, Keane - all apparently no-go's. King should return and apparently so will Defoe. I have a feeling (I hope) the injury plight is not half as bad as it looks, Harry mind games, with our players rested rather than risked away to Stoke.

There's also question marks surrounding our lack of goals from forwards. But the season is but two games old. And even if we do have one or two key players missing, we have enough quality, on grass, at home, to do to the Young Boys what they did to us.

They are smart, they might  consider defending in numbers and counter-attacking. Frustrate us much like one or two managed last season. But do they have the class and belief to handle life outside of their plastic fantastic? The longer the game goes on with no goal then the more it will play on our minds, on the pitch and in the stands. This won't be easy. But then again the sheer noise the home faithful will make on the return of a glory glory night at the Lane, I can't think of anything better to settle the nerves of the players. YB have travelled to Turkey and won, so they won't be scared of the hallelujahs and drumming.

This is what it's all about. These types of pressures, expectations. Get use to it. The players should be loving the adrenalin rush. There's no hiding place. There is, but it's not an option. You either want it and go out and get it or you simply disappear into a dark corner and shake uncontrollably till you pass out. Everyone who isn't Lilywhite will want us to lose, more than ever. Embrace the hate. It means we're doing something right.

Early goal. An early goal will be perfect. I don't actually think they'll going to sit back, so I can't imagine them defending for 90 minutes. I reckon they will try to seek out an away goal positively knowing that if they succeed the game will open up for them because the pressure will be on us to try and claw something back. Which will leave them to be even more adventurous. If they do defend, then patience is key.

But worrying about the opposition is a wasteful exercise. Worrying about all the various possible scenarios that might play out  is equally wasteful. When Monica Bellucci is confronted in the underpass, how different things would have been had she pulled out a gun from her handbag and shot the bastard in the face.

See, we might have been caught short on their patch. But on home territory, under the floodlights, we'll be gripping firearms like bloodthirsty assassins, firing bullets, ripping flesh off the bone till all that’s left is dog food.

Harry made some astute changes in the first game. This time round, we'll be as full strength as selection will allow us. Meaning Huddlestone will start. King will bring some much required calm at the back. Then there's the Kraken. No turning to stone for young Gareth. Bale, the beast, the stud, the Dark Knight, the best left-sided left-winger in the country (What? Yes, I did just say that, f**k you if you don't agree).

It's time to step up again. It's the life we have chosen for ourselves. Step up and cut through them like a hot knife through Swiss chocolate. A white hot knife, in a room with the air con off and radiators on full whack. In fact, the chocolate is in the oven when the knife does the damage. I want to swim in their chocolate blood.

We have the opportunity to be a part of the elite and kick the ball around in their playground. I don't care about ifs and buts about us being out of our depth if we get there. What a load of boll*cks. I want this more than I want Jessica Alba tied and gagged in my basement.  

Get at them. Get at them the way we got at Man City, and get at them some more by finding the target, with no remorse. We've had far more tricky games recently. Far bigger tests of our guile and mentality. We didn't choke. I don't expect us to choke on Wednesday. I expect us to unzip and make them choke on us. Young Boys of Bern. We're going to hurt you. We're going to come from behind and beat you, beat you bad.

Ooh. Kenneth Williams would be proud.

COYFS. To dare is to f**king do.

Let's all blame the pitch

Saw this posted by Wriggly over at GG, which I found quite interesting. Only because its now blatantly obvious that the Young Boys cheated. THROW THEM OUT OF EUROPE ! How dare they trick Dawson into playing poorly. Hopefully Blatter was watching.

If anyone can verify these as facts, please go ahead and do so. I have not a clue.

The artificial surface is 5th Generation. This generation of surface has the ability to adjust the height of the 'grass' by millimeters lower or higher, so in winter when the surface is frosty/snowy they can raise it a few mm to help when playing. The surface has a self watering mechanism which leaves tiny beads of moisture on the surface, this helps to prevent injuries when sliding, studs being caught in the surface when its dry, and most commonly things like burns when sliding across the pitch. This Generation fo surface does not move, it used to be layed down in blocks, but this is in one big 'sheet' of turf.

The surface is designed in a way that you should be less susceptible to injuries like groin strains (we got 2 last night) - Although the surface is actually fairly thin, its layed down on shock absorption rubber mats which have been laid down on top of concrete to help with this. So essentially, this surface is better for you when playing football on that side of things. When I asked about our two injuries, he simply replied with 'they probably bottled it, its all in the mind' I bet your players are fit for next game.

Might be useless info for some, but thats some info about the surface.

When i asked about them watering the pitch on top of the self moisture feature, they said that's to benefit only the team that's used to playing on it. He is unsure if that is illegal as its gaining an advantage, but it is not very good sportsmanship.

Believe

COYS.

I'm not going to sleep much tonight.

It's time for another DVD. Make it a special edition please.

Let's start this off with a quote from our chairman.

Daniel Levy: “The disappointment we shall all feel if we do not make the fourth qualifying spot for Champions League will be a measure of exactly how far we have come.”

I agree with the sentiments. I'll be so gutted I will have to eat a dodgy lasagne for the purpose of distracting me from the emotional pain that would no doubt cause cataclysmic damage to my soul. 2006 was just so daft, it felt like the ending to a black comedy directed by Chris Morris. Food poisoning, final day of the season...it was all ominous and oh so obvious. You just knew it wasn't meant to be. I remember before setting off for the game watching Sky Sports and listening to them break the story about our sick players. Ridiculous. Surely not? Ho hum. If you looked up into the sky you'd have seen red scarf waving by the bearded ones.

There were various points of dejection throughout that season, long before the final day. Many looking back would cite the amount of points dropped in the final minutes of games. 4th spot was lost long before our players spent the afternoon puking up all over the Upton Park pitch. But it was still in our hands to lose. Which we did. But you can't argue against some of the players on the day giving it their all. It just wasn't enough.

What compounded things further (personally) was that night, around midnight, I woke up and proceeded to spend the rest of the early morning vomiting (amongst other things) thanks to...yep, food poisoning. I knew at that point the footballing Gods not only mocked me, they (the bastards) had unzipped and proceeded to piss all over me too. Worst. Day. Ever.

Rather than look back apologetically on similar days of dejection from this season (say for example the score-draw at Goodison) along with one or two other OMG moments, we should just forget and look forward. It's all rather simple.

Win at Eastlands (previous meetings, click here) and it's done and dusted. Draw and we go to Burnley on the final day (yes, they play in Claret and Blue...don't even think about it, right?). Lose that one and we can hardly expect any favours from the other team who play in similar colours.

I'm not loving the parallels if I'm perfectly honest with you. I'd go us far as saying, the footballing Gods (Chris Morris ghost writing for them) are scheming once more to dick us over. The hand of fate aside, choking and bottle jobs are two things that we seem to have overcome fairly well under Harry's guidance. We sometimes stumble and make things difficult for ourselves, but you can't question the team and their unity. It's all in the huddle.

Resolve. Heart. Spirit. Making of our own luck. Belief. It's been a season of growth, progression and consolidation for many of the qualities we aspire to have, that inspire us to push forwards with ambition. And intent to actually climb those steps upwards.

So, to be direct about things, I do not want to lose this game on Wednesday evening. I don't want us coming anywhere near losing it. I don't want to see us buckle under the pressure or give away stupid goals or lose because of a refereeing error. I don't want us to concede an early goal.

Harry has to be smart with his tactics. We all know City have inconsistent form at home in recent games. But this should be ignored. Advantage of being at Eastlands will no doubt see them take responsibility to appease their fans (and manager) by bringing the game to us from the off.

Keep it simple Harry. If King can play, great. If Lennon can start, equally great. Retain Bale on the left wing and Modric and Huddlestone in the middle. But if you believe 5 in midfield will work with counter-attacking football the weapon - then that's fine too. Draft in Palacios. Then consider who (one man) plays upfront. I still say keep it simple, 4-4-2 with all players working their bollocks off, what be a far better attempt of stamping our authority on the game.

Then there's Gomes and his groin. Ooh.

Players just need to be focused regardless who lines-up, as long as players are not asked to play out of position. If we draw, then off we go again into the final day.

City can be got at. I'm sure they feel the same way about us. They have enough ****'s in their team, enough arrogance and self-assurance to give it a right old ding-dong of a go. We have to be strong, and equally so in mind. We need to be clinical ****'s with cutting edge. No remorse. In for the kill.

We need to want this more than anything else.

And I want us to score first. Make them have to come at us for the equaliser. Make them and the home crowd nervous, uneasy. Let the disapproving moans and groans play havoc in the City players psyche, allowing the potential for a second goal.

It's easy when it plays out in your mind. The reality is, nobody knows how exactly this game will pan out. What tempo it will be played at. We might and might not turn up. Tempo wise, we can only hope it's one that suits us. Open and fast, Azza and Bale tormenting the wings. You'd think this will look and feel like a Cup final once the ref blows his whistle. You think, at the very least.

I've said it several times in the past year, we will finish in 4th spot. So it's now time to find out if my belief is shared by our players. And whether my heart is just governing my head. Not sure I really believed it back in 2006. 2010 is altogether a different kind of animal. We're not favourites for a start. We're away.

I have absolutely no doubt that we have turned 'that corner' of mediocrity and transitional seasons and have closed the gap on the failing giants just up ahead of us. Still plenty of work to be done. No matter who gets 4th place, let's not kid ourselves - next season will be even more difficult either way. The likes of Villa and Liverpool and Everton will make sure of that. City will splash money no matter what their fate is. The Prem is opening up wide at the top, faster than Jenna Jameson in her heyday. The monopoly has cracked.

Can we smash it to bits?

I can't wait to find out. I just know CL football means we can attract a world class player, perhaps two. Imagine our side with a player of Torres ilk upfront.

After 2006, to get this close again, our players should just go out there and die (metaphorically obviously) for the shirt. Don't look back at history, lunge forward and grasp what's before you with all your might and make it your own, so that next week, next month, next year...we can look back and say 'that's where the buck was trended'.

It's time for another DVD, lads. Make it a special edition please.

COME ON YOU SPURS.

To dare is to f*cking do.