Spurs and Survival: It's time to get medieval

A regular feature on this blog has been a reoccurring series following a set of fixtures that are meant to provide the much needed impetus (and points) to finally steer us clear of the scary little mire that is the bottom three seats of the Premiership. A place best avoided much like a seedy back room in a pawn shop resembling a dungeon.

When Harry Redknapp joined, I gave him 12 games to get us out of trouble. Results were not too shabby. The 12 games in question made up the fabled Challenge Spurs™ (The Dirty Dozen) series. But when that ended, we failed to capitalise on the points tally acquired and managed to follow it up with a pretty awful run of results, followed by another mixed bag (as chronicled in the V for Victory™ series).

This meant we failed to pull ourselves away from the mix down at the bottom. So these run of fixtures never made a difference win, lose or draw with regards to climbing the table (obviously the points picked up have been all important, otherwise we'd be doomed by now). And the teams around us have also remained fairly constant with poor and inconsistent form. Not a lot has changed in the past few months.

We now find ourselves with the run-in and every game a must-win (not every game is winnable, but that's the attitude required. Deja vu, right?). Which ironically means, that if there was a time to scrutinise our fixture list and welcome back Challenge Spurs™, it’s now. Fail, and there's nothing but Championship fixtures to look forward to.

We have 13 games left - 6 at home and 7 away.

We've already driven the little Honda into Marcellus Wallace. Donuts and coffee hitting the pavement. And arguably, we’ve already stumbled our way into the Mason-Dixie pawn shop. So squeaky-bum time is potentially moments away. Zed will see to that. Get yourself caught up in the moment and you might find it more than just a bit tricky to get out. All tied up and gagged, praying for a miracle. Zed has us in his sights. Relegation. Relegation has us in its sights. The spider has caught itself a fly.

"Bring out The Gimp"
"I think The Gimp is sleepin'"

In this case, the Gimp is not Jermaine Jenas. And neither is it sleeping. The Gimp is the monkey on our back. Nope, not Gareth Bale (he's mostly on the bench nowadays). The Gimp is the persistent match-losing lack of concentration that has seen us defeat ourselves in the last four league away games - all in the final minutes.

It’s a mental block. Lack of concentration, belief. A fundamental lack of self-respect. Confidence, pride...lack of. Tag whatever you wish to it. Its a Spurs trait we always blame when you know what hits the fan.

Last time the Gimp persevered, it cost us Champions League (forget the last game and think back to the amount of points lost in the final minutes both home and away during the course of that season). For it to occur four times on the trot, all away from the Lane this season, is a sure sign that winning is sometimes a task too hard for some of our players. They welcome the Gimp and it's all too familiar hooded face of sadomasochistic defeatism. We need to punch the Gimp in the head several times.

"So, we're cool?"

We are at the point of no second chances now. If you sit down with your calculator or Prem Table predictor website tool, the possibility of us being unsafe and at risk on the final game is possible if you base our final set of games and likely outcomes on prior form. Especially on away form.

We are likely to pick up points at home. Although it’s ominous that we haven't done that amazingly well so far. But the home games are now imperative. No possible excuse could appease us if we don't prove successful at WHL. As for the away games, they can be grouped into two sections:

The 'No Chance in Hell' List

Man Utd
Aston Villa
Everton
Liverpool

The 'Doubtful we'll win' List

Hull City
Blackburn Rovers
Sunderland

Lose to Hull away, and the game against Boro at home turns into a Cup final, to follow on from that other Cup final we play out a few days earlier. Sunderland away has yet to be slotted into the schedule having been postponed. So where is the away win(s) going to happen? We have a good record at Everton, don't we?

I prefer to think that Spurs will do what they usually do in such desperate times. Instinctively react and do so positively. Almost nonchalantly. Bit like the goals that came at the end of the semi-final against Burnley. We waited until we were 3-0 down and (practically) out of the Cup before showing a bit of quality and pulling through. It's textbook Spurs. It's eternally frustrating. Back to the home games left to play:

The 'Must Not Drop Points' List

Boro
Chelsea
West Ham
Newcastle
WBA
Man City

Apart from Chelsea (who might be rejuvenated a little by the time we play them) the other games in this list have to be victories in our favour. Without any disrespect, they are winnable. On paper. That's a fans perspective. The players have to be ruthless and fearless against the lot of them.Whether it's Chelsea or WBA.

The other clubs around us down at the bottom will no doubt struggle till the closing day of the season, but the desperation of needing them to lose to help us out is something I will not embrace.

It’s in our hands. Again. We can't be hoping other results go in our favour. We have to control our own destiny (cringe away).

We are in need for an inspired Butch with a Samurai sword moment to signal our intent for survival.

And we are equipped for it. Palacios, big and strong and inspiring. Keane will rediscover form and the back of the net. Dawson will continue to led in the absence of King. Lennon, who's energy this season has never faltered, will buzz around and torment. Modric possesses the quality that will help unlock a defence or two and allow Pav and Bent to get in amongst the goals. And Harry will make sure it all tick tocks clockwise.

How the Carling Cup final or the UEFA Cup games will affect squad moral is not something I wish to dwell on. It's not quite like last season where the players went to sleep after the 2-1 Wembley win and forgot how to win in the Prem. There's a clear distinction between one off games like the Final and the bread and butter of the Prem this term. And the latter is clearly of more importance in the long run.

Butch, driving into Marcellus, allowed destiny to take them to the pawn shop and perilously close to a humiliating death. The death part was avoided. The humiliation unavoidable. The will to survive saw them through it, bloody in victory and revenge.

Much like the two of them, its down to us that we are in this predicament. We've led ourselves here. Destiny playing its part with comparative ease. We've suffered the humiliation. We now need to stay clear of death. So here's to a quick sharp exit, riding off on a Chopper, with a happy ending.

‘Who’s Relegation?’
‘Relegations dead, baby, Relegations dead’

Spurs 0 Arsenal 0 - Next time, yeah?

144th NLD
Spurs 0 Arsenal 0

So close yet so far. Should have, could have, would have won it yesterday. But alas, our eternal depression against Arsenal (as highlighted by a banner in the away end which disappeared when the Arsenal fans realised they might not actually win) continues that bit longer. We’ll have to wait for next season and hope they are suitably weaker if starved of Champions League before we can finally thrash them 1-0. My back will be waxed for space for the celebratory tattoo cometh that day.

Back to the present and arguably it’s not exclusively just our depression anymore. Rights appear to be subject of a sharing agreement between ourselves and the enemy in red. Both clubs with different immediate goals, and both struggling to get there. Arsenal, dare I say it, are currently closer to ordinary than invincible. We remain frustrating. Decent now and again, mediocre or worse more often than not.

I'm disappointed we didn't win it. More chances more possession. Palacios immense in central midfield, showing some of that much needed determination and spirit we so often lack. Modric pulling the strings, dealing with the physicality with comparative ease. Bit more end product there and you could get away with muttering ‘world class’ when describing the Croatian playmaker. But we'll suck that in for the moment and use it when its geniunely warranted (which won't be too long).

Arsenal (bless ‘em) defended well and retaining two upfront when they had Eboue sent off was rather clever tactics on their part as it stretched us rather than allow us to push forward in numbers had they resorted to all out defending.

For all the chances we had, none of them were clear cut, although Pav should have done better and if Modric had played the ball into the box instinctively rather than waiting a second too long at the death of the game (nice cameo by Taarabt), then Bent would have won the game in the final seconds. So maybe the chances were as good as being clear cut if we managed to get them on target. Close enough though to allow for shaking of heads despondently, and sighing if’s and onlys a couple of hundred times on the journey home.

Arsenal only ever looked dangerous when we allowed them to push forward thanks to the odd mistake here and there and in the final 15 minutes or so when the game opened up. Set-pieces our only other main concern, but all dealt with rather comfortably. One or two scary moments, but otherwise, the South London club lacked anything in the way of the usual textbook swagger that usually sees them score a goal or two against us.

The turning point should have been that Eboue incident that all made us laugh out loud with giddy joy. He got his marching orders for kicking out at Modric, who was booked for his part in the scuffle (and I use that word lightly because Modric didn’t really deserve a yellow anyway).

Arsenal are pretty much accustomed to playing with 10 men regularly so it was never going to be a given that we’d win. We lacked that extra bit of ruthlessness needed for such an occasion.

Robbie Keane was not really involved in the game as much as we'd have liked to see (not surprising considering where he was a few weeks back – he’ll need another game or so to regain full match fitness) and Pav had one of those days where everything went a mile to the side of the goal. Lennon was busy and tenacious but should have had more of a go at Clichey. If he could strike the ball with power and place it to the side of the keeper, we'd all be laughing. End product is also something that needs improving from the little man. Still our best player this season.

Dawson not far behind him with his no-nonsense defending. Bit of revelation is Daws, as not too long ago, one or two fans half expected him to be pushed out of the club (as he only ever played well with a fit King by his side and his form appeared to dip substantially in a Kingless defence). His current form has been outstanding. Jenas appears to have divided opinions. Some say he was not effective at all, others say he gave a lot of effort. Personally, I think he had an off day. Was expecting him to roar as he always fancies these matches. I say stick with him for now, and allow him and Palacios to gel in midfield, with Modric out on the left free to cut in and cause havoc. If Palacios does all the grating, we might finally see JJ smash it up, box-2-box, like he has always promised to do but never quite graps the consistency and belief.

I'm kidding myself, aren't I?

Vot va voad vof Vollocks.

Talking of Wilson. Wow. What a great home debut. Big, strong, hardly gives a free kick away. Tackles superbly well. Is all over the pitch. A player who actually values the concept of winning midfield battles. And probably serves as an inspiration to others around him to up their game and passion levels to match his performance. Proper player? Hell yes. FAO SPURS PLAYERS - This is the type of application required. Not just in Derby games, but in every single game left in this season. Suddenly I’m shrugging at the £14M price tag. Well worth it on this evidence.

So, generally, it was a good performance, with just a bit of the rub of the green missing. Arsenal failing to score against Spurs? Staggering that. Been a while since we've had the pleasure. Cudinici did well, Almunia superb in the oppossite goal.

Obviously, if you witnessed this in WengerVision then you would have seen Arsenal dominate the match, boss the midfield and create an abundance of opportunities including a dead cert goal disallowed and a player sent off when he shouldn't have been (because his first yellow was not deserved). Ah, WengerVision. What would we do without it?

Arsenal never really turned up, plain and simple. Hardly tested Cudicni (who had maybe one or two saves to make, the best from Bendtner) and were very much not Arsenalesque on the day. The 'goal' was not a goal and therefore should not be classed as a disallowed goal. The ref blew his whistle and signalled for a foul before the ball was stroked into the net. It’s irrelevant what you do after the ref has blown. Play no longer exists. Bit different if the ref blows AFTER the ball crosses the line. Yes, I know I'm being pedantic on this, but the little push and trip-over was exactly that, as soft as it looked. And Ekotto appeared to stop playing when the ref blew his whistle, though I can never quite tell with him.

All hail SpookyVision.

Humourous that he (Wenger) managed to watch that incident three times on tv and couldn’t see why it wasn't a goal but didn't bother watching replays of the Eboue incident. That’s Wenger logic for you. You wonder whether he actually believes half the crap he spouts post-match. Was Robbie Keane fouled and denied a penalty? I'm certain if that was a player in red and white going down inside the area, Wenger would have a post-match fit screaming "referee conspiracy!"

Two points dropped? Yes. You do feel that if we had Defoe up front or if Keane was a little more fresh, we would have cracked them. Instead, we're 2 points off the mire instead of 4. Arsenal are 5 points off the Top 4. Disappointment for the both of us then. But it's more likely that we will avoid relegation than they will finish 4th. Unbeaten against the Cartel (Man Utd, Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal) this season in the Prem. Shame our record against ‘lesser’ opposition remains shit. One win in nine is still not great, and the home games are the ones we need to be winning.

Laughable that certain quarters are suggesting that Wenger outfoxed Redknapp tactically. Yes, Arsenal retained decent shape when at 10 men. But they gained a point only because of our indecisive finishing. The team might have a bit more about them after this game going into the next league match.

If you don't agree with any of this, and you prefer WengerVision, feel free to pick yourself up a copy of The Standard, that bastion of unbiased journalism, for a more traditional write-up of the game. Or track down Piers Morgan who probably thinks Arsenal won the match.

How to 'not' lose games and alienate your fans

This has been done before, but I feel a reprise is in order. This is dedicated to some of the lads at Glory-Glory.co.uk who are drowning in their own depression. Again.

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THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™ : The Final Chapter: Redux
Spurs v Pompey, 4pm kick-off, Sunday 18th Jan, 2009.

This is it people. End of days. The last hooray. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid attempting to get to their horses. Charlton Heston thumping the sand at the end of Planet of the Apes. Rocky losing out to Creed. Steve McQueen not quite making the motorcycle jump over the border.

We are gush, make no mistake about it. And there's not a whiff of a blockbuster performance in sight. Not until those new arrivals make an entrance. Unless City nick 'em off us.

We are doing just about enough in each game to lose. Usually in the dying seconds. Rolling over and having our tummy's tickled is our most endearing quality, which is why the opposition love to play us. We haven't been overwhelmed or battered by anyone yet. We just turn up, go one or two goals down, and quietly die on the pitch while the opposing team, usually not that much better than us in terms of individual quality, just more so plucky and willing, get their heads in front and comfortably hold on to win.

Grit

We've heard it all now. From players and management. All the sound-bites and ill-fated battle cries. Players, formations, tactics, substitutions. There is nothing left in the way of 'that one last chance'. Our past 3 or 4 games in the Prem have been 'must wins'. Imperative for us to leave the mire behind and climb steady upwards.

Those, with each passing week, were the games that would change our form and kick-start our season for a second time, since the arrival of Harry Redknapp. And almost all have ended in abject defeat. We've done more side-stepping than Vinny Samways.

We haven't got any worse over the past few weeks, but we haven't improved. Just stagnated. Any suggested individual improvement is fairly invisible to the human eye. What we've managed to add to this cauldron of crap is the ability to throw it away at the death. We're not just pressing down on the self-destruct button, we are head-butting it.

Less backbone than a jellyfish. Our superfluous stars have sat back into the comfort zone after their initial positive reaction to the appointment of 'arry. But If they made their own luck in that first grouping of games - dragging themselves off the bottom, then surely then can muster up more of the same? Surely personal pride, pride for the Lilywhite and pride as people earning thousands of pounds can muster up in front of loyal home fans the grit to brush aside Pompey and once more, go on a run of point-accumulating results to ease our worries?

Passion

Blame Ramos and that woeful start, strange tactics and formation and a ton of lost points. Blame Comolli and his random unbalanced signings. Blame Levy and his lack of leadership. Blame Jenas for anything you fancy. Blame Bentley who can't cross or find a white shirt with a simple pass. Blame Bale and his voodoo. Blame Redknapp and his insistent jabbering to the press. It doesn't matter any more who is at fault. What matters now is who will take responsibility and get us out of this mess. And the eleven players who represent us should be the ones who turn it around once and for all because regardless of management and pre-match talk, it's the 90 minutes on the pitch that count.

There is no lower ebb than being 5 or 6 points adrift and that will happen if we don't start winning consistently. It's do or die time. Because every defeat going forward brings us closer to Championship football and Doncaster away.

Luck (the good type) is non-existent for us at the minute, and all mathematical omens are more ominous than the Grim Reaper taking a seat next to you at a doctors appointment.

Sunday is no longer about measured tactical ploys or 4-5-1's. Sunday has be a Cup final (forget the Milk Cup). Sunday has to be about setting the precedence for every game after that with regards to performance. Performance equating to: Fight, urgency, spirit, desire, guts, passion, belief and pride.

Go one down? Heads up, chests out, f*cking well go for the jugular and claw/scratch/kick/bite your way back into the game. Go one up? Then push for a second with all your sodding might. Start to believe, regain that swagger and that confidence. Because even without Berbatov and Keane and a true DM - we still have players of quality. Yes Harry, unbalanced or not, these players still have enough about them. That includes you Defoe. Show us it was worth the effort and money to bring you back. Show us you have grown as a player. All of you - show us you have enough and some to get us above West Brom, Stoke, Boro and several others into the comfort of 12th place.

A win, 3 points, it's not the f*cking Holy Grail! Dry those f*cking eyes, get a grip you melters and win the sodding game. Getting smacked around by third-rate teams like we're a crack whore begging for a hit from her weasel pimp is F*CKING PATHETIC.

We are down to basics. Every time we have prayed that our players would take the game by the scruff (Wigan, Hull, Stoke, Fulham, Newcastle etc) we have failed miserably. Its now do or die.

Leadership

Over-dramatic? If I was drunk or high or both I might suggest that losing to Pompey won't be the end, because a dozen teams above us are just as poor and inconsistent. But this is a chance to galvanise the club prior to any new arrivals turning up. If we don't believe, we don't deserve.

That's what we are all hoping a win against Pompey will do. Galvanise. Because we have no choice now due to the maths and our position and the upcoming fixtures. 17 games left. We have to start somewhere. And putting it off every week means less points to grab as we near the nerve-shattering end. We control our destiny, we can't control the form of others around us. Too good to go down? We haven't even been good enough to claw ourselves to mid-table.

At some point soon, the bottom half will begin to stretch a little and divides will appear between the teams at the very bottom and the teams just above them. And if you are sat in 20th place, worried about your points tally, then there is no worse position to be if you are in possession of that calculator of doom. We have to start winning.

So all that's left is for the home fans to sing till their mouths bleed and for the team out on the pitch to remember who they are and reclaim some self-respect and respect for the club and its fans and its history. Forget about that mug Campbell. Forget about those Pompey fans and their hatred for 'arry and Defoe. One thing matters on Sunday. Tottenham Hotspur. So make sure the players bloody well know you're there and cheer them on for every single second the ball is in play.

If the noise and our current league predicament doesn't inspire them? I'd suggest we sack them, run an X-Factor style competition to find out who the most athletic 20 Spurs fans are, and then stick them in the Lilywhite shirt. Because determination wise, they will run till their lungs collapse. And at least win/lose/draw - we can say we we're proud of the effort.

Once again, for one last time, it's over to you.....Gomes, Cesar, Alnwick, Corluka, Gunter, Bale, Dawson, King, Woodgate, Rocha, Huddlestone, Zokora, Modric, O'Hara, Lennon, Bentley, Taarabt, Bent, Defoe, Pavlyuchenko, Campbell....

Portsmouth....you can stick your cowbell. Make sure you bring a f*ckin' shinebox instead.

The Ding-Dong Derby

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 02 v (A) Arsenal
4-4 draw, 1 point
Total points: 6
Position: Still 20th
3 points from safety

With the Presidential elections almost upon the USA, Obama spent millions on a 30 minute television advert to make sure America understand why voting for him is the best choice. Tottenham also spent a few million this past week or so. Sacking their manager and replacing him. But we needed a little more than 30 minutes to get our message across. 90 (+4) minutes to be exact. And in that time we reminded everyone why the Premiership wouldn't be half as much fun if we were not in it. Because regardless of our over-exuberant fans and soap-opera antics, we always manage to be involved in top drawer 'match of the season' entertainment, and as much you (other) fans might hate us....deep down, you love to hate us.

The game at the Emirates was yet another classic that will be long remembered (you can already order it on DVD.........boycott the Spurs shop.....). Wenger can harp on about 'can't be scientifically proven', with regards to the Redknapp factor helping Spurs come-back from the dead, but arguably this would not have happened under Ramos. The players believe a little more in their abilities. They are playing for their manager and more importantly, playing for the fans. Its clichéd, but footballers are rather obvious creatures of habit.

I went spastic when Bentley scored. Outrageously stupendous effort from almost 40 yards out that had me screaming like a girl and punching the air like a demented boxer. It was a wonderful way for the game to explode into action. And also tinged with a sprinkle of irony, having had to listen to the likes of Walcott and Fabregas do all the pre-match mouthing off (Walcott telling everyone he would torment Spurs/Harry and Fabregas suggesting we would struggle against the Arsenal Ladies).

Look at me ma!

Obviously, it didn't last. A few days training on how to defend set-pieces appears to have been wasted on Heurelho 'Paul Robinson' Gomes. In comes the corner, out comes Gomes, in goes the goal. At least Jenas wasn't flattened by the keepers flapping limp fists. A gift for Silverste. 1-1 turned to 2-1 almost immediately into the second half.

Another free kick given away, another set piece, another goal and a double header for Arsenal with their captain fantastic heading it past Gomes. Looks like the training sessions will need to be a little more intense to resolve this reoccurring problem at the back. Our very decent first half was now looking like turning into a nightmare second.

At 3-1 it was game over. Or not. Bent was on-hand to stroke the ball home when Alumina failed to hold onto it when a shot bounced off him and into the path of the prolific Darren. 3-2, game on. Or not. Before we could think about a possible equaliser, Hutton imploded, passing the ball to nobody other than an Arsenal shirt rather than one of our own (they're the ones who wear white Alan!). Arsenal broke, passed and buried the ball in the back of the net. 4-2, game over, done and dusted.

Regardless of Arsenals possession (65%) during the course of the second half, it was gutting that two of their goals were gift-wrapped so deliciously. Hard pill to swallow. Their sitters, I have no problem with. If you miss, you miss. Doesn't matter if you have 50 shots on goal, if you fail to score them and lose 1-0 that's no criticism to the opposing team. And Arsenal have a habit of over-playing and failing to capitalise.

And thus, that's the Trouble with Arsenal. For all the glam-play and technically brilliant football they lack a killer touch when it matters most, which results in an overall choke. And like us, they also lack a true DM. And like us, they also lack a true captain - although I'm more confident that we have better candidates (King when he plays, Woodgate etc) than what Arsenal have on offer.

Wenger just couldn't wait any longer

Gallas, bless him, is an absolute melter of the highest order. Much prefers to cry and talk to himself than take this inexperienced Arsenal side who lack maturity, and guide them to controlling and bossing the final 10 minutes and cement three all important title challenging points and a nice win over their 'rivals'.

Coughy, cough cough.

Wenger does like his excuses about the age of his team, but if he knows they are inexperienced and wont buy players to help his squad out (therefore preferring them to grow into maturity together), then he shouldn't spend time using it as a reason for their failures. It no longer cuts the mustard. For every lose or draw, if it's because of these failings, then deal with it.

Everyone can see Arsenal have a weakness in their captain.

And Spurs, may not be able to prove scientifically if it was down to the Harry Redknapp factor that we did what we did next, but you can say with much confidence that we did it because the players are alive again. Smiling, spirited and believing. Not by much, but enough to restore some pride on a night of high drama.

We pushed forward, this time with a little luck of our own, Jenas taking the ball that was left behind by the Arsenal defender (Clichy) who fell over it. He run with it, he run a little more, looked up and beautifully curled the ball for 4-3. 89 minutes on the clock. Surely not?

Many Spurs fans had already left, probably thinking about avoiding the gloating and smugness of the home supporters who tend to came alive at the final whistle of games. And many Arsenal fans had also left for home, cocksure they had all 3 points and the next morning bragging rights, wanting to get those emails in nice and early.

Nobody, not one single person expected anything than 0 points for Spurs, and a win for Arsenal. Four minutes into injury time? Don't be stupid. It can't surely happen now. Is it in the Sky Sports contract?

Enter the Modric. The little, magical, Croatian (great first half, not so hot second - but suddenly showing his value playing behind the lone striker) picked the ball up and smacked the most sweetest of shots that cracked the post, came out and onto the lickle feet of Lennon who slid the ball home. The Spurs fans left in the away section lost their minds and voices whilst Arsenal fans held their heads in their hands, utterly utterly despondent.

Such is football. Its the most beautiful and the most cruel of things. I went spastic again. We all did, right? Harry did. Wenger disappeared into that abyss that resembles a man with serious constipation issue.

Then came the final whistle. And from the depths of defeat and despair - we had a point. 4 in 2 games. The Glory days are back (sic).

For anyone asking why the fans and players celebrated like this was a victory, well, technically it was. Avoiding defeat in such a manner is victory, because for the opposing fans it feels like a loss. And Arsenal did lose 2 points and possibly an avalanche of self-belief in the process (cue Gallas having a word with himself). In their eyes, they self-destructed by failing to hold onto a 2 goal advantage. Their fans angry and unbelieving.

And as for us, FUCKING YES, GET IN! Although I can do without the likes of 'glory hunter' Jaime Redknapp celebrating like he's one of us.

"My teeth are just as great as my hair"

Spurs players having a crack at goal? Yes, I know, it's an amazing sight to behold. All we did in in the game was finish our chances (to paraphrase a classic comment made on the BBC's live report of the evenings Prem games). Gareth Bale (subbed) still hasn't tasted defeat. Pav still looks like he is worth little more than half his transfer fee, but I'll still give him time to settle. Bentley has to remember this was one game - all our players have to keep this in mind - because results won't fall into our laps without more improvement. In other words, don't let it go to your heads lads.

Did anyone expect a point there? I didn't. Not really, deep down, if I'm honest. They are in the top 4. We are bottom and on form the worst in the Prem. But obviously we aint as bad as our form suggests, thanks to that old tradition of replacing your manager which sees the same set of players suddenly regain self-respect and respect for the badge on their shirts.

Arsenal are the better footballing side, but at the very end of the day, ifs and buts (which so many times are used as excuses by Spurs fans) have to be ignored. Arsenal didn't finish us off. We didn't stop plucking away. I'll take that. And I'll take more of it. If we can't beat the Top 4, let's at least make sure we share the points.

In conclusion, great fucking game that was and although 'celebrating' a draw is not anything to tattoo on your back (or release on DVD.....you stupid fucking marketing merchandise jobsworth), its still something I don't have a problem smiling about. Mainly because the feeling I had at 4-2 down - regardless of the fact that we never expected to go there and win - was still a horrible dark feeling. To take the joy away from the Arsenal fans and leave them in absolute misery and pocket that happiness is a bloody good day at the office.

How to lose games and alienate your fans

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™ : The Final Chapter
Spurs v Bolton, 3pm kick-off, Sunday 26th.

You know, we always called each other Yids. Like you said to, uh, somebody: You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a Yiddo. He's one of us: You understand? We were Tottenham fans. Lilywhites. But Jimmy and I could never sit in the West Stand because we we didn't drive Mercs. It didn't even matter if you didn't own an Opus. To become a member of the Park Lane crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Spurs so they can trace all your relatives back to the old days in the 1960's. See, it's the highest honour they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can fuck around with you. It also means you could fuck around with anybody just as long as the old bill and stewards wasn't watching. It's like a license to chant. It's a license to do anything. As far as Jimmy was concerned with Tommy being ITK, it was like we were all ITK. We would now have one of our own up a tree at the Lodge

~ Yidfellows, 1961 - 2008

This is it people. End of days. The last hooray. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Charlton Heston thumping the sand at the end of Planet of the Apes. Rocky losing out to Creed. Steve McQueen not quite making the motorcycle jump over the border.

We are gush, make no mistake about it. And there's not a whiff of a blockbuster performance in sight.

We are doing just about enough in each game to lose. We haven't been overwhelmed or battered by anyone yet. We just turn up, go one goal down, and quietly die on the pitch while the opposition, usually not that much better than us, more so plucky, get their heads in front and comfortably hold on to win.

Grit

We've heard it all now. From players and management. All the soundbites and ill-fated battle cries. Players, formations, tactics, substitutions. There is nothing left in the way of 'that one last chance'. Our past 3 or 4 games in the Prem have been 'must wins'. The game that will change our form and kick-start our season. And each one has ended in defeat. We've done more side-stepping than Vinny Samways.

We haven't got any worse over the past few weeks, in fact arguably we've improved. But that improvement is fairly invisible to the human eye, thanks to the fact that the results have remained the same. What we've managed to add to this cauldron of crap is red cards. We're not just pressing down on the self-destruct button, we are head-butting it.

It's impossible to know if the players are shit because the manager has lost all respect, or if the players are shit regardless or if the manager is shit or if the squad is so disjointed due to lost players and ineffective signings that nobody quite knows what the fuck is going on. Or all of the above.

Passion

Blame Ramos. Blame Comolli. Blame Levy. Blame Jenas. It doesn't matter any more who is at fault. What matters now is who will take responsibility and get us out of this mess. And the eleven players who represent us should be the ones because regardless of management and pre-match talk, it's the 90 minutes on the pitch that count. There is no lower ebb. We are there already. And it's do or die time. Because every defeat going forwards brings us closer to Championship football.

Luck (the good type) is also non-existent, and all mathematical omens are more ominous than the Grim Reaper taking a seat next to you at a doctors appointment.

Sunday is no longer about measured tactical ploys or 4-5-1. Sunday has be a Cup final (only one we'll get this season). Sunday has to be about setting the precedence for every game after that with regards to performance. Performance equating to: Fight, urgency, spirit, desire, guts, passion, belief and pride.

Go one down? Heads up, chests out, fucking well go for the jugular and claw/scratch/kick/bite your way back into the game. Go one up? Then push for a second with all your sodding might. Start to believe, regain that swagger and that confidence. Because even without Berbatov and Keane and a true DM - we still have players of quality. Enough of them to get us above Newcastle, Stoke, Fulham, Everton at the very least.

A win, 3 points, is not the fucking Holy Grail! Dry those fucking eyes, get a grip and win the sodding game. Getting smacked around by third-rate teams like we're a crack whore begging for a hit from her weasel pimp is FUCKING PATHETIC.

We are down to basics. Every time we have prayed that our players would take the game by the scruff (Wigan, Hull, Stoke etc) we have failed miserably. Its now do or die.

Leadership

Over-dramatic? If I was drunk on rum I might suggest that losing to Bolton won't be the end, because Ramos would walk/be sacked and the new coach might galvanise the side to such an extent that the same bunch of players start to perform minor miracles. But that's pretty unlikely based on the fact that this dire form has been a year in the making. But then, that's what we are all hoping a win against Bolton will do. Galvanise. Because we have no choice now due to the maths and our position and the upcoming fixtures. With or without Ramos, we have to start winning.

So all that's left is for the home fans to sing till their mouths bleed and for the team out on the pitch to remember who they are and reclaim some self-respect and respect for the club and its fans and its history.

Otherwise, I'd suggest we sack the lot of them, run an X-Factor style competition to find out who the most athletic 20 Spurs fans are, and then stick them in the Lilywhite shirt. Because determination wise, they will run till their lungs collapse. And at least win/lose/draw - we can say we we're proud of the effort.

For one last time, it's over to you.....Gomes, Hutton, Woodgate, King, Gunter, Corluka, Gilberto, O'Hara, Zokora, Jenas, Lennon, Bentley, Modric, Gio, Bent, Campbell, Pavlyuchenko....

Bolton Wanderers..... go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.

The Great Escape? Be inspired

Southampton were the last team to survive after a start as bad as ours. They finished on 41 points. I think survival this season on 41 is only dependent on other teams just above us being just as bad.

Below is Soton's results from that season. Take inspiration from the fact that you can be truly awful and still retain your Premiership status.

I'm off to open a bottle of champagne.

16-Aug-98 Liverpool (H) L 1-2
22-Aug-98 Charlton (A) L 0-5
29-Aug-98 Nottm F (H) L 1-2
08-Sep-98 Leeds Utd (A) L 0-3
12-Sep-98 Newcastle (A) L 0-4
19-Sep-98 Tottenham (H) D 1-1
28-Sep-98 West Ham (A) L 0-1
03-Oct-98 Man Utd (H) L 0-3

P8 W0 D1 L7 F3 A18 1

17-Oct-98 Arsenal (A) D 1-1
24-Oct-98 Coventry (H) W 2-1

31-Oct-98 Sheff W (A) D 0-0
07-Nov-98 Middlesbro (H) D 3-3
14-Nov-98 Aston Villa (H) L 1-4
21-Nov-98 Blackburn R (A) W 2-0
28-Nov-98 Derby C (H) L 0-1
05-Dec-98 Leicester (A) L 0-2
12-Dec-98 Everton (A) L 0-1
19-Dec-98 Wimbledon (H) W 3-1
26-Dec-98 Chelsea (H) L 0-2
28-Dec-98 Nottm F (A) D 1-1

P20 W3 D5 L12 F16 A35 14

09-Jan-99 Charlton (H) W 3-1
16-Jan-99 Liverpool (A) L 1-7
30-Jan-99 Leeds Utd (H) W 3-0
06-Feb-99 Chelsea (A) L 0-1
20-Feb-99 Newcastle (H) W 2-1
27-Feb-99 Man Utd (A) L 1-2
02-Mar-99 Tottenham (A) L 0-3
06-Mar-99 West Ham (H) W 1-0
14-Mar-99 Middlesbro (A) L 0-3
20-Mar-99 Sheff W (H) W 1-0

P30 W8 D5 L17 F28 A53 29

03-Apr-99 Arsenal (H) D 0-0
05-Apr-99 Coventry (A) L 0-1
10-Apr-99 Aston Villa (A) L 0-3
17-Apr-99 Blackburn R (H) D 3-3
24-Apr-99 Derby C (A) D 0-0
01-May-99 Leicester (H) W 2-1
08-May-99 Wimbledon (A) W 2-0
16-May-99 Everton (H) W 2-0

P38 W11 D8 L19 F37 A61 41

Fingers crossed, yeah? Might not be worth the effort, crossing fingers. Read this article from The Proud Cockerel site.

Only voodoo can save us now.