Juande Spurs will be good again.....maybe

Spurs 0 Hull 1

I usually write letters to the chairman, but today’s 0-1 home defeat by the mighty-newly-promoted-hardly-cost-a-penny Hull City has made me break out in song. I think it’s a bit more dramatic than crying or crawling into a corner and swaying back and forth very slowly.

Some emotional vocals and some tap-dancing on my season ticket really does help with raising a smile when no-one around you (anywhere you sit or stand at WHL) can muster one. And who would blame them at the minute? But music helps mend the heart.

Half-price bagels?

I’ll stop short of serenading Daniel Levy. Last time that happened I was arrested. Apparently singing ‘SACK THE BOARD’ at 4am in the morning outside his house is not permitted by law. This country is far too politically correct IMO. We won’t be able to breathe soon.

Another home defeat, in a game where we saw plenty of effort but no all important ball hitting the back of the net in Tottenham's favour. Desperate times at the Lane. Seven played, no win, two points. 20th. If they weren't last week, or the week before that, Bottomham are in deep trouble.

You know things are bad when you look up to Sunderland with a little green-eyed jealous. Watching Steed fighting for the ball, competing - along with his team mates. Mostly all ex-Spurs. Whilst we put up with a powerpuff midfield, who talk the talk but never seem capable of walking the walk. Although to be fair, effort was decent today. But it's the type of effort you associate with a newly promoted team who are doing their utmost to survive in the Prem - and not a team that has spent millions upon millions. But when you sit back and look at the bigger picture, £15M for a winger who sits on the bench would have been better spent on a defensive midfielder. Which is why Hull look more Prem and we stink of the Championship (no disrespect to the Championship, but if they were a fragrance they would be Brut, whilst the Prem would be Chanel. We stink of Brut. Gallons of it).

But hey, Levy and Comolli are the ones who make the decisions, so who am I to question their wage packet? Their big big wage packet.

As for the game stats that stand out: 16 shots on target, 10 off. Hit the post. Bent could of/should of scored. When luck doesn't smile her face at you, then you know that you truly are up against it.

And next up is Stoke. 8th game of the season and you can tag this as a 'Relegation Dogfight Six-pointer'. Hand on heart, can you see Spurs winning this game based on everything that's been dished out in the way of performances thus far this season? Don't answer that question. Just knowingly wink and nod at your monitor.

But what song is apt for such a miserable and tragic occasion that befalls us Spurs fans? How long would I spend having to find a song and then change the lyrics to make it Spurs related? Well, thanks to Rose Royce, not long at all. Seems this song was actually made for Tottenham. So much so, that I've hardly had to re-work the original. Such is its simplicity and majestic honesty.

South Stand, North Stand, East Stand and West.....actually, you lot don’t need to bother with the singing. But the rest of you, sing it loud and embrace our possible future head on. It’s more therapeutic than you might think.

"We’re Goin' Down" (Original lyrics by Rose Royce, re-worked by Spooky)

No win in our hands
What's going on here Daniel
You ain't got no footballing plans
No no no no
And Zokora and Jenas running
Around White Hart Lane
Is slowly, is slowly drivin' me insane

We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause you ain't bought a DM
My whole world's upside down

Passing the ball don't come easy
Daniel please believe me
Since you been here
Everything's goin' wrong
Why'd you have to have a Director of Football
Look what you've done to us
Will Ramos stop these tears from fallin' from my eyes
Ooh we are doomed

We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause we play with no style
My whole world's upside down

Oooh Lilywhites
goin' down, goin' down
Mmm ooh we’re goin' down
Ooh I, I...

We’re goin' down
We’re goin' down
Cause you sold Keane and Berbs
My whole world's upside down

Ooh, goin' down
Goin' down
Oh, I don't know what to do

~Spooky

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY.....EVER™

Spurs v Hull

Lose this. And Spurs lose me.

At no point have we attempted to elevate our game to a respectable level. We have been consistently shit all season. Spurs need to put on a show. Reclaim some self-respect. Give something wholesome for the fans to sing.

There is simply no excuse in existence for defeat on Sunday.

Hull City. Clash of the Titans, hey? Bottomham Hotspur and three points. A marriage in limbo.

Step up. That's all we need you to do. Step up.

Relegation Scrap™ 2008/09

Spurs 0 Wigan 0

Whilst Man City decimated Portsmouth, I was experiencing the displeasure of the pinnacle of inept. Wigan, for all their work and efforts, are not that good. Good enough though for a point at the Lane. This was the quintessential 'game for the taking' for us. Instead we failed with all the basics. From set pieces to passing and movement.

Upfront, Bent and Pav had no support. And sadly no understanding between the two of them. The latter is something you could forgive if the midfield were able to provide opportunities for the both of them. But they couldn't. Bringing on Campbell didn't make an impact good enough for a breakthrough. Lennon though gave us some much needed pace. Questionable selection by Ramos choosing the completely out of form Bentley who appears to have forgotten how to beat the first man with his corners. Again.

In fact, all in all, most of our players looked uncomfortable and uneasy on the ball. We hoofed it. We mis-placed passes. It was all a bit too embarrassing, lacklustre and basically fucking shit.

Too good to go down? We ain't even good, so going down at the moment isn't something that should be dismissed because you have to worry about where the confidence boosting morale changing team performance enhancement victory is going to come from.

The chant of 'We are Tottenham Super Tottenham' that rang out from around the ground in the second half was there to make up for the booing at half-time and help inspire the team. But it felt more like a defiant song of realisation; we are heading for a scrap.

Over dramatic? Well, how many times were going to have to wheel out the same excuse of 'time is needed for the team to gel' and 'once we win, all will be fine'. Will another month of defeats and draws still be 'ok' for us while the players all learn how to work hard, graft and play with urgency, passion and fucking bite?

Our fixture list for the next two months (ignoring the Carling Cup and UEFA Cup, because at the moment, I wouldn't bet on us progressing in either):

September

(A) Pompey

October

(H) Hull City
(A) Stoke City
(H) Bolton Wanderers
(A) Arsenal

November

(H) Liverpool
(A) Manchester City
(A) Fulham
(H) Blackburn Rovers
(H) Everton

Last year, we knew we would concede but we also knew we would score goals. This season, conceding is usually a cert. Scoring....well, we look incapable. The worst in the league. Although, since that Carling Cup win - even with Berbatov and Keane in the team, we hardly set the world on fire. We had a useless end of season run-in. So this 'run' started at the back end of last season and has continued into this one.

When did we sell Robbie Keane? During the summer months. Why not replace him there and then. With Berbatov, it seems Levy holding out for the extra £5M and thus resulting with us taking on a Utd reserve player on loan is proving to be of great irony considering the lower we finish in the table the less money we take from the Prem place we finish in. That could cost us a hell of a lot more than £5M. He should have gone in the summer too, and the likes of Comolli and Ramos should have had a complete squad before we kicked off at Boro.

The fault is with all, from top to bottom. The quotes in the previous blog sum it all up perfectly.

So, looking at October (and the Pompey game next week):

(A) Pompey

October

(H) Hull City
(A) Stoke City
(H) Bolton Wanderers
(A) Arsenal

How many points, on current form, could we get from this lot? 6? 9? Whatever happens, Hull and Bolton at home are now MUST wins. Depressing, no?

Played 5, 2 points, no wins. This isn't the Glory game. I fucking hate football.

~Spooky

Finally, a win

Tottenham 2-1 Wisla Krakow

Disappointing performance. I know 'a win is a win is a win' - but if we don't improve for Sunday and then the return leg, then brace yourselves for a shit storm.

On paper the team looked more balanced than Monday's disaster, but then again, playing tubs of lard through the middle of the team instead of registered players would have been more effective compared to our line-up against Villa. However, using Lennon on the left-hand side is not a tactic that can long continue. Not helped too much by the fact that Bentley, on his right side, was woeful (did any one of his corners beat the first man?).

Opening 2o minutes saw us chasing the ball. Krakow dominated possession. It's hard going creating chances for a lone gunman upfront, another tactic that simply doesn't work. When we took the lead, we let it go immediately. Will we ever learn to put our foot on the ball? Zokora, gives away a throw-in and the Polish (with some style) walk the ball in.

Our second half disallowed goal was one moment of glory football. Brilliant build up work. Shame on the linesman. Shame. On comes Agent Campbell, and before you can say 'tap up' he's showing a bit of determination and energy. So when he assists Bent for a goal, one or two of us smiled that at least Manchester United's loan star has something to offer.

2-1. Not enough really, is it? Krakow have never lost a European home tie, so whatever happens, we need to notch up an away goal or two. Big task on this form. I don't even fancy us to beat Wigan on Sunday.

Dramatic knee-jerks aside, the team still lacks cohesiveness. There is no urgency and definitely no strength in central midfield. Upfront, Bent still looks isolated and alone and certain players (Bentley for example) are just not playing well enough to inspire those around them - and the fans.

King. Well, Ledley looked knackered. I'd say somethings not quite right, but then we've known that for three years now. Zokora made it one good performance (Chelsea) out of five games. Yes, he has a set of lungs on him and runs around - but no first touch, composure or anything that warrants the world 'class'. But that's no secret.

Special mention to the Poles. Very decent side in possession. But a confident, swaggering team of a season or two ago - led by Berbatov and Keane would have terrorised them. Such is the negative impact of losing both our talismen .

Other than that, anyone at the Lane last night would have enjoyed the first half atmosphere at the very least, with various pockets of Krakow fans in the home stands.

West stand upper, East stand upper and the lower....these boys in red had no problem walking through the home fans turnstiles and taking their place. Questionable responsibility from Spurs officials/stewards and the police. Did make for some cracking moodyness. Bit of bother outside after the game. Police presence was up to the standards of a Chelsea home match.

I think their fans probably went home a little happier than ours. Also, good to finally see Ramos speaka da Englisho. Hopefully he'll give us something to crow about sooner rather than later.

Every Prem game now is vital for confidence and climbing off the bottom. If we lose our next two cup games and don't improve in the league, then.........ah fuck it. If if if if if.

I'll stick the negativity on ice for now.

~Spooky

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™ (UEFA and Prem Special Edition)

Part I

Wilsa Karkow (UEFA Cup)

Part II

Wigan (Prem)

Wigan more so than Karkow. If we lose on Sunday.....end of days will be upon us. Relegation will be a distinct possibility - and if it means ridding the club of all the over-rated players, expensive season tickets, shit Premiership merchandise and Levy and the board - then I say, LETS EMBRACE THE CHAMPIONSHIP. It happened once before, and we came back stronger.

If Wigan defeat us - then my campaign for 'LETS RELEGATE SPURS' will begin in earnest, and I hope the wise among you join me in achieving this goal.

Relegation will purge the delusions of grandeur we suffer from and turn us into 'West Ham' fans - happy with entertaining football and getting one over the big boys now and again. Lack of high expectations means less pressure on the players and less chance of falling flat on our faces.

~Spooky

Epic Fail

Spurs 1 Aston Villa 2

What a shambles. I can't even be arsed to dwell too much on this miserable evening, so I'll stick to the main points.

We have three games in the space of a week. Villa, some Polish side and then Wigan on Sunday. So, what does Ramos do? He selects a disjointed and weakened side in arguably our toughest game of the three. Bentley dropped to the Bench, King rested completely. And selecting Huddlestone and Dawson to play against the pace and movement of Villa was a monumental fuck up. Not helped by a typical Zokora display of complete non-existence, we sat back and watched Villa out run us, out move us, out pace us - the lot. Embarrassing.

Even when we did start to play possession football deep into the second half, there was still no end product. In fact the only person attempting end product is the one person who has no end product. Lennon.

Huddlestone in action for Spurs against Villa

The first Villa goal was scored when Huddlestone lost his man. The second, I'm not going to dwell on Gomes allowing the ball to slip under him. Gomes in the first half saved us from going into the dressing room at half-time, 4-0 down. Dawson was at fault for this one. That shot should never have been fired towards goal.

I didn't see Bent's consolation. I was already on my way out.

4 played, one draw, three defeats - two of them at home. Had we played a full strength team, I'm uncertain if the result would have been any different.

Now, you could argue losing Berbatov and Keane isn't something we are going to recover from in a handful of games. But you could also argue, that if Levy, Comolli and Ramos have been assembling this squad since the start of the summer, then resting players shouldn't result in such a shambolic performance. All tonight illustrates is that there is no true depth - which means, play the strongest side possible when a win is most needed. What we get instead is glue, sticking us to the bottom of the league.

Michael Dawson, falling over

Huddlestone should only be used as an impact sub on current form and mobility. Dawson if everyone else is injured. Zokora's over-hyped performance at Chelsea masked his deficiencies once more, for all of 5 minutes, before it dawned on the faithful that he is in fact fucking gush. At least young Gio gave us some hope.

Poor Pav, upfront - running into space and behind defenders waiting for a ball that will never arrive. Again, its unfair to be critical of either Pav or Bent. At the moment they look too similar to be playing together - but they do need time to gel (or attempt to do so). So surely tactically, something should have been agreed upon, because if the tactic was hoofing the ball for someone to get their head on it and for someone else to run onto it, then fuck are we fucked.

I'm back at White Hart Pain on Thursday for more comedy. I live the life of a fucking king, I do.

~ Spooky

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™

Massive massive game down at the Lane this evening. Lose this and we are practically relegated. I'm taking my Levy effigy to the game. And believe me, it will burn along with my season ticket if we do not put in a convincing performance.

The pressure is on for Modric, who after 3 games, is an expensive flop (Talksport confirmed this). The little man is now fighting to keep his place in the first team.

In last seasons corresponding fixture we went 4-1 down before making it 4-4 in the final seconds. Cardiac football at its very best. However, Villa's record at the Lane is not a great one, but MON's hard-working, pacey team might just have the backbone to contain Jenas and therefore secure more than just a point with the likes of Young and Abonglahor key players in their away day mission.

All eyes on Tottenham's new Russian striker, Pavlychenko. He's no moody Bulgarian. But is he just a tall non-Ukrainian Sergi Rebrov? Pav, if you are a racist like Sergi - avoiding the crime out in the streets of Tottenham is one thing, but be warned, men in white get mugged all the time out on the pitch.

Prediction: Much pre-match hype followed by disillusion, anguish and crying.

We've had to wait 2 months for this

Spurs 4 Wigan 0

Wigan join Derby as one of the worst Prem team I've seen for a number of years. Utterly woeful, incapable of holding onto the ball or passing it to their own players. Instead, ace at giving the ball back to us and being generally shit, more so than us. We did enough to win the Biggest Game in our History™ comfortably, and we could easily have added 3 or more to the scoreline with the woodwork rescuing Wigan from a complete rout. The win was vital. And to achieve it with a little bit of swagger, just enough to brush a doomed team aside, gives the impression that improvement is gradually occuring. Conceding against this lot would have made me suicidal. Don't think Robinson had one shot to save. And Ramos has taken note of the fact that protecting a lead isn't the way to go - adding more goals to the tally allows for us hold onto the initiative and possession rather than sit back and let the opposing team attack. It was all a bit too easy.

And yes, the irony that our two Prem wins this season have come against the two worst teams is isn't lost on even the most fickle of Spurs fans.

Jenas (aka The Destroyer of Shit Teams™) was at his industrious best (gosh) and should have scored a hat trick, but rather than use the inside of his foot to place the ball he decided to use the outside. Gift wrapped opp, considering the Wigan defence parted like the Red Sea for him, except Moses would never have fallen on his face in the midst of such a dramatic moment. Jenas, once more a Biblical disappointment when it was easier to score. Could have done with Moses cane for assured balance as he tried to place the ball. Though kudos for the two goals he did get. And his general getting-forwardness. One day, he'll perform like this against a proper side.

Pro-Jenas comment, for larfs and larks

Great to see that our players are taking shots from outside the area. Lennon included, who scored a fine goal. Under Jol, we always seemed to favour walking it into the penatly area and then attempting to bury it. Nothing wrong with having a crack. Just ask deflection king, Frank Lampard.

And what about The Sulk? Well, Berbatov was - it has to be said - sublime. Involved in three of the four goals (setting up two) and even managed to throw in a smile. In fact, Berbatov played very well, an anchor between midfield and attack. Playmaker, even. Another nice touch by Ramos. Works better than Keane being the anchor as he ends up playing far too deep to be effective enough. Sure, the Bulgarian appeared to be a little sulky and did his usual 'moan at everyone' routinue (as has been the case all season) but his touches and lay-offs and his general presence was telling and inspired.

A rampant Spurs side of last year or the year before would have scored 7 with ease. I think today, anything less than 3-0 would have been a disappointment.

Wigan would win the ball and then pass it back to us, and some of their defending consisted of backing away from our players and hoping nothing would come from our play. Truly miserable stuff. They brought down a hundred or fans, and I applaud them for making the effort, the poor bastards have little chance of survival on this evidence. And with Marcus 'Relegated with six clubs' Bent in their side, they really don't have the blessing of the footballing Gods. Probably what Whelan deserves, mind. Back to the Championship for you mate.

Anyway, let's get some perspective. It was only Wigan. International break up next followed by West Ham United away. Probably the first big test for Ramos.

The Biggest Game in our History™

Tottenham v Wigan.

We need this. Three points. Clean sheet. Confidence booster. Yes, it will be against another struggling team - but who cares? We need that 'swagger' back. We need to brush them aside. I'm not talking in the manner we beat Derby earlier in the season. I'm talking about utterly tearing them to pieces.

This season, due to commitments outside of football, I have missed the Cup games. I was also not present at the Derby win. I have yet to see Spurs win a game of football in the Prem- season 2008.

If Spurs fail to impress in this game, then Ramos has a mission impossible to get these over-paid, passion only in sound-bites, sulking mega-stars up to an acceptable standard.

I want to see them sweat blood. I want people watching the game highlights on MotD that evening thinking they've just tuned into a trailer for Frank Millers '300'.

Maybe Ramos should pluck a fan from every stand in the ground and take them into the dressing room pre-game and let them have a word with one or two of our players.

"Get a fucking grip" - is what I would say. Its a game of football. You don't suddenly turn shit over night, and if the reason for it happening has gone - then skip the transitional period and just play like your life depends on it, because we support the team like our life depends on it and its about high time you fucking gave us something back, you miserable excuse of team. I'd probably slap Berbatov across the face, get him all fired up. And I'd also slap Dawson. No reason, just has that type of face.

Spurs 5 Wigan 0 is the headline I want to be reading come Monday morning after the game.

The Most Important Game in the History of Tottenham Hotspur

I will not be present at today's game. I know, I know, its pains me to miss a potential early season 'burning of the season ticket' festival, but personal reasons have me anchored to my humble abode and thus I will have to make do with football forums, the BBC website and the anti-Spurs presenters on Gillette Soccer Saturday. It's a nightmare, I know.

So, to keep my mind occupied I will return to this blog at 3pm and update it through-out the afternoon up until the final whistle, to chronicle the days events in full technicolor detail.

--

13:57 - Team News:

Team:

Robbo
Chimbonda
Lee
Rocha
Gardner
Huddlestone
Malbranque
Jenas
Routledge
Keane
Bent

Subs:

Cerny
Stalteri
Defoe
Taarabt
Zokora

Routledge starts to give us width. Sound in principle, but the jury is out with what he can do in practise. Jenas keeps his place, obviously. Out goes Zokora and Stalteri. The Constant Gardner once more starts as our ever-present lynch-pin in central defence. Lee is back from injury, which means the left-hand side might have some positive action for once. And, oh my God, Taarabt is on the bench.

--

14:06

Downloaded Sopcast which will have the Spurs game live. Looks like I will be saved from Jeff Stelling and his screaming banshees. Quality of streaming is very good. Maybe Levy could consider giving Spurs fans streaming on the official site, for a tidy monthly fee of course. Wouldn't want him out of pocket.

The game is being streamed, apparently with no commentary, and just crowd noises. Should be able to hear the booing clearly.

--

14:56

Not long to go now. Changed streaming to another site. Better quality. No commentary, so have BBC Five Live on audio, with the esteemed David Pleat co-commentating. Wonderful! Caught a glimpse of Daniel Levy, with a half nervous smirk on his face. Under pressure, Daniel?

--

15:03

1-0 up! Jenas with a mis-hit freekick which finds Steed who mis-kicks it past the Derby keeper. The boo-boys go quiet!!! Good play by Shambonba, according to Pleat.

--

15:07

2-0. Steed again. Always knew Jol was a tactical genius. Midfield at their creative best today. Surely 4th spot is ours to have now?

--

14:14

Pele'esque type goal from the Tottenham home crowds starlet, Jenas. Running through the Derby midfield and defence like a hot knife through watery butter. 3-0. Levy should offer that 5 year contract to Jol as quickly as possible.

--

14:24

Huddlestone running the show at the moment against his former side. Will be disappointed if we don't carve out another 2 or 3 goals before half-time.

--

15:33

Routledge has the ball in the back of the net, but ruled off for offside. Another sweeping move forward. Spurs are monopolising the midfield. No really, stop laughing. They are.

--

15:38

Another opportunity to make it 4-0 wasted. Not happy with this, not happy at all.

--

HALF-TIME

Three goals. One disallowed. A penalty shout ignored. Huddlestone dominating the midfield and allowing Jenas to play free and without stress. Spurs playing with width. Jeans lively and sharp. Gardner still looking shit.

Vital we score another 2/3 goals in second half for the sake of goal difference and also retain a clean sheet.

Jury still out.

--

SECOND HALF

16:11

Eight minutes into the second half. No chances created yet. Foot off the gas already. We should be going for more goals. Perfect for the goal difference tally.

--

16:21

Not much going on. Mido scores for Boro on his debut. That will probably be his lot right there. Seems Jol's textbook half-time talk has defused the relentless play of the first half. All a bit non-effective at the moment. Derby with a lot more of the ball.

Why do we have to have to slow down the tempo and sit back?

Time for the Taarabt?

--

16:30

Taarabt on. Already having shots on goal and running with the ball. Oh my God. We have an exciting energetic midfield who can actually play. More please.

--

16:36

All come from a freekick won by Taarabt. This kid is magic. Scrappy goal, Bent helps the ball over the line from about 1cm out. 4-0.

Acceptable.

--

FINAL WHISTLE

16:52

Game over. 4-0. Jenas finding his level, first half. Can we play Derby every week? Clean sheet the main bonus. That and four goals. Still lacking just that one extra special ingredient upfront. He's in Germany at the moment - get well soon Berbs. Still, Spurs had width and spirit which lacked on the previous two games. Jol's head is safe. Levy will celebrate with the usual £1000 bottle of champagne I'm sure.

More of Taarabt please. Yes, he plays like a kid in the playground, hugging the ball and shooting as often as possible. More composure will come with time. But he needs to be involved in the first team as often as possible.

Defence handled it will too. Big test will be against Manchester United.

Levy survives another day.