NLD journal #3

I've had an epiphany. We always get dicked at the swamp. Actually, that's hardly an epiphany is it? Just fact. We never turn up and we always roll over and to rub it in they're always up for it. Our lot let us down. Every time. Stage fright. Well mostly every time.

The 4-4 the only anomaly and that was probably down to the fact they spent so much time French kissing each other during their celebrations they lost enough concentration and composure allowing the comeback of all comebacks. That and we had JJ on the pitch. And one season we lost 2-1 (I think, seem to remember a wonderful Berba goal and a missed pen from Keane and the worlds best striker scoring with this first touch). Otherwise, two 3-0 losses.

Why can we never give them a game like we do at home? It's gutless. Talking of which.

Rather than destroy my gut with frenzied butterfly's eating away at my insides pre-game Saturday morning, I've opted to expect nothing from the game. That way, anything more than nothing will be something.

Not being defeatist. Just don't think a massive battle cry post listing everything we need to do is relevant because history tells me we always suffer a wardrobe malfunction. Tits on show.

If you want me to dwell for a second on positives, then I'll mention the return (hopefully) of Lennon on the right, to aid Bale on the left with his mere presence, meaning doubling up on either one will allow the other to run down the flanks with a touch more freedom. But then Arsenal are unlikely to double up on anyone. So there's hope there.

Tactically, we could sit back and watch them pass the ball to death, much like we did in our 2-1 win at the Lane. Sit back, watch them hit the brick wall of Spurs players in the final third. It's not the Lane so it's doubtful we'll hold till the 80th minute before they find a way through. So at the swamp, I'd like to see us soak it up and hit them on the counter. Let's not allow them wide open spaces near the pen box. Take the game to them but not with unintelligent wreckless play.

Controlled composure Tottenham.

What? Hey, why are you laughing? What did I say?

Okay, so, we have no King, Dawson, Huddlestone. Defoe is in the squad, might come off the bench. Lennon might well start (both apparently looked good in training). We've lacked any type of consistency with selection and our league form has been erratic.

Jenas, vdV, Modric - all key. Christ knows how the defence will hold up, and I can only pray that Gallas doesn't go mental at any point in the game.

442 will do. Pav up top. At the very least. If JD is fit to start...triffic. Play Rafa behind the front man.

It's one of those games where you can see the scum doing what they always do to us and we just collapse and surrender and shrug despondently with yet another wasted 90 minutes. You could also see us playing quite well but then losing to a cheap goal or penalty. Because luck is something we fail to conjure up in our favour.

Hence the epiphany. Not only do we always under-perform there but this season, we've under-performed. So the odds on us winning, the chances of us breaking the mould? Long shot.

And how I wouldn't mind to see a long shot hit the back of their net once or twice.

I guess it will come down to whether we want it. We've never shown that essential quality of desire when playing them away (other than the 1-1 CC semi-final first leg). And the 4-4. But they hardly consitute redemption for our woeful record.

So, whatever. Show me your b*llocks Tottenham. I'm f*cking bored of the same tired script.

Let's have something left-field please.

You know what. F*ck it. Just go for their jugular and be done with it.

N17: Home is where the heart is

There's been plenty of debate and opinion in the past few days, spurned on in addition by David Lammy (Tottenham MP) who revealed via Twitter that Daniel Levy is serious about the Stratford bid. Well he's hardly not going to be serious is he? Of course he's serious. Levy is a business man and his responsibility is to THFC, unequivocally and unquestionable. Although the health and financial clout of ENIC is also of utmost importance. A new stadium would equate to our overall value quadrupling and some. It's about revenue and we have a power-house of a fan base, just not enough seats at the minute.

We all know this redevelopment and approval lark has dragged on and on, even though the reality is - it's just been going through the standard application process. Seems like we're all now tap dancing around the last hurdle. A substantial amount of work has gone into the vision and re-designs of the Northumberland Redevelopment Project. The question marks have always been about the transport links and traffic issues getting in and out of N17. Which is apparently one reason why moving to Stratford is a viable option. No more walking up Tottenham High Road rushing for the bus. Or leaving the game ten minutes early (that's for all the West Standers amongst you) and missing a late <insert promoted side here> winner.

Okay, so there are countless facets to this for and against argument. And plenty has been said already (mostly from the three stooges over in Green Street) about how we would not be allowed to uproot and move from one Borough to another (hey, if we did, we'd be so close to them lot they'll have a right to call us their rivals and it would mean something…derby matches against Orient would be guaranteed sell-outs. If they ever got themselves into the Prem that is).

I've even heard that Boris himself (a week or so away from announcing his approval/disapproval of the Northumberland project) invited Spurs to bid for Stratford. Supposedly because we would be far more beneficial to the area and the Olympic stadium in terms of fan base, money and stature. Sub-plots about running tracks and concerts don't sit well with me. But if there is no running track and the stadium could be touched up to include even more seats etc etc - financially, it would be the easier option to take/be given. Purely from the perspective of progression and cost. If we're talking about the club as a business entity. Far fewer headaches and possibly far more accommodating politically.

Haringey are tiresome and draining and it would seem not fully appreciative that without the club all they would have left in Tottenham is that quite wonderful kebab house just past the Paxton Rd and on the opposite side of the high road where they wrap up your chips in pita bread. Probably not worth a visit every other week if there's no dessert to feast on just after 3pm. However, they've approved the plans regardless.

Back to Levy. At the time that Spurs officially bid (confirmed their interest) in the Olympic Stadium, I was advised this was astute and shrewd of Mr Chairman. Covering all bases. Think about it. We have plans to knock down and build a brand spanking new stadium just to the side of WHL. It would aid in the regeneration of the surrounding area. The local council know this. All the reports and surveys and various must haves (i.e. the listed buildings) are simply standard hurdles. The final one is where Boris now stands, but he wont be the one jumping, just rubber-stamping. All the tap dancing being had is by us, the press, West Ham, MP's and journalists.

Levy had to declare interest in Stratford because if the NRP was rejected, we'd be stuck with our 36,000 capacity. We might still be stuck in Tottenham if there's an uproar and riots back in East London, a few miles from the border into the North. Sullivan with staff screaming, you shall not pass. The Lilywhite Balrog defeated. Karren Brady at the time made a big deal of Levy not telling her about it, presumably via Facebook. She misses the point like many. It's not about her or her poxy little club or anybody outside of THFC. It's about Tottenham Hotspur. And I applaud Levy for his tunnelled focus on making sure that whatever happens no rock is left unturned. Because the risk of ending up with nothing would be a disaster.

Levy, at his Machiavellian best you might say, could have initially used Stratford to pressure Haringey. But its gone to the Mayor so there is very little to be gained from political blackmail and at the end of the day, if there existed a third option he'd have probably gone after that with equalled motivation. Boris might do what's best for London or he might just opt to give us what we want. Levy is continuing on both fronts because he would be wholly unprofessional if he didn't. One thing is for certain, unlike us - he's not split in the middle. Levy knows what is best - from his perspective - for the club. Deep down. Everything he does, we question and attempt to second guess and decipher. Patience, not much of a virtue.

This is where it gets fragmented. If you had to guess, which way would you go?

What side of the fence do you sit on?

On the one hand you could argue that Tottenham, it's essence, is the fans. We are the club. We get charged up to £50 - £70 per game for the privilege, but it's still all about us (although modern football is making the majority more and more disposable and replaceable with each passing decade). Some clubs, if they upped and moved  would not need to offer cut-price tickets to re-generate a buzz. Although there still remains a risk of a curse not too dissimilar to the one Man City fans find themselves in.

We're the heart of the club. No matter where we are you could argue we would perceiver and make the most of it. If we moved away from N17, the club and its traditions would move with us. Sentimental, romantic notions of 'our patch' and the Glory Glory nights under the floodlights at the Lane - will remain strong in our history, and never be forgotten. We still lose WHL if we rebuild just next to it. So what difference moving a few miles away? It's not like we're moving from South London to North London? We'll just be moving the THFC franchise a few miles up the road. No need for a breakaway club. No change of name. Agree? Disagree? FC Hotspur of Tottenham anyone?

So up the road. To the Gardens of Babylon of East London. So what of the area?

Quite a number of European clubs have their grounds in not so glamorous surroundings. I guess moving from Tottenham to Stratford wouldn't make that much of a difference either way. Although Stratford will have some trees so obviously it's going to be prettier. I lived for some time in Leyton, stones throw from Stratford. Anyone know this part of the world? Allow me to describe it to you. There is a tradition for local residents to throw their broken tv sets and old and stained bed mattresses outside in the street. In fact, any old rubbish, just dump it outside because someone will pick it up.

Gang warfare from teenagers with knives to the East Europeans, muggings, killings, drunken fights in the streets, pockets of poverty and run down buildings aplenty. A lack of respect. It's a bit like moving from Basrah to Baghdad. Or say, I don't know, from Tottenham to Stratford. Hmm.

People from that part of the world might think I'm being harsh, but I'm just picking up on the bad things that outweigh the good. Much like you would for N17. Both, personally, from the perspective of living there, are hardly paragons of beauty to look at. But then in regards to Spurs, the high road is something you walk down to get to the ground. It's not the reason for going to Tottenham. WHL is.

It's all fairly redundant. Most parts of London are rundown, unless we decided to build a stadium in the middle of Knightsbridge.

So who gives a f*ck where the stadium sits when all that matters is what goes on inside it?

We are Tottenham. That's all that matters. Right?

If Spurs and Levy genuinely believe we will be paralysed in parts with the transport aspect (would cost billions to extend the Victoria Line) of staying in N17 (the only negative long term issue worthy of discussion, well that and the 'just under 60,000 capacity')  then I'll have to suck it up. Spurs will be around long after I'm gone. But as colourful as all the rhetoric is from all corners and taking in all the pros and cons of going or staying - I'm going to go with my heart. Because that's how I follow football. Gut feelings.

I will be shocked and surprised if Boris doesn't give the green light.
I will be shocked and surprised if Levy's vision, his priority, is not to stay in North London.
I will be shocked and surprised if the whole progress and process of submitting and re-designing the Northumberland Redevelopment Project that came with the hardly unsurprising initial rejections and demands of change has forced Levy into changing his focus from North to East Northish East London.
I will be shocked and surprised if after all this, Levy always knew that the cost of building a stadium in N17 would have a detrimental effect on the club in terms of transfers in and out long term and that the real ruse was the project and thus the real target was Stratford.

We could be here all day drowning deep in conspiracy theories and agendas (is Lammy tweeting for his own personal gains to look good or is he being played by Levy or are they both in on it? See what I mean?)

My heart says we don't want to move and there is very little chance of Boris rejecting it and that the fact its got as far as being sent to his office for final approval means that its practically done and dusted. IMO.

Tottenham Hotspur, the experience, it's match-day traditions and its soul is in the heart of N17, Tottenham. It's home. Even with the police signs calling for witnesses littering the high road and the distinct lack of pretty buildings. It's home. The pubs and the long walk down from Seven Sisters. The ridiculous queues to get a train from White Hart Lane station into Liverpool Street post-match. None of it actually matters. And yet it does. But then who cares as long as Spurs win?

It's our territory. It's our land. Just for one or two days every couple of weeks.

Sentimental, I guess I am after all. Stratford would feel like an away day, detached from the past. For a while perhaps. And having just under 60,000 in N17 would make the various queues even longer. But personally, I'd rather have the atmosphere of having the majestic swashbuckle of our club in a derelict area than moving outside of the place we are named after into the heartland of Orient and West Ham United.

A derelict area with a shiny new polished stadia in the middle of it.

If I lack ambition or perhaps allowing sentimentality to cloud my judgement, sorry. My heart rules. If Levy or you think otherwise then so be it.

And I guess my heart is also telling me I'm a traditionalist. If it was good enough for Bill Nicholson to live up the road from, then its good enough for me to travel to from my humble village dwellings just outside the M25 in Essex. To be honest I still have issues with losing White Hart Lane (the ground and it's name), so the sucking up I'll have to do to deal with a move to Stratford would have to take on epic proportions for me to accept it. But accept I'll have to. Sir Bill would not have wanted the club to stand still. Aim high.

It's about revenue. But foremost, in its purist form, it's about football. It should be. And it should be about us. The fans. The 'club'. So what do you want?

If we're progressing as a football club will it matter where the new chapter is being written?

I guess the crux of it is, either way, whatever happens, no matter which side of the fence you sit - no matter the final decision - you will move on. No matter the loyalties sacrificed. We'll move on. Together. With the club. As one.



NLD journal #2

We have missing players and I'm genuinely gutted because in an ideal world I'd love to see us play the scum with a full strength side with them lining up equally complete rather than having several key players missing. A ding dong derby it would be.

A lopsided derby on paper doesn't mean it should be discounted because as cited many times before, no matter the players (legal caveat: as long as the players actually form a cohesive unit as opposed to eleven randoms because that definitely does not work) there is no excuse that would be rendered acceptable unless 100% + blood + heart on sleeves is not applied across the ninety minutes plus stoppages.

I'm pretty sure I remember Zokora laughing at the final whistle whilst chatting to opposition players after a 3-0 spanking. This is unacceptable.

Forgetting to unscrew daft heads Worzel Gummidge style and replace them with intelligent ones. This would be unacceptable.

Capitulating off the back off one mistake. Unacceptable.

Playing passive non-effectual possession football (for an example re-watch recent 2-0 loss at Old Trafford). This would be hugely disappointing.

Harry for me has to avoid quirky experimental nonsense with his selection. Simply:

- Pick the strongest side from the pool of available players
- Play them in their best positions
- Man up

Then all that is required is (moon on a stick time) focus, belief and passion.

Focus. Concentrate, be ruthless and relentless in application and with intent. Hassle them and fight for the ball. Heads should never go down.

Belief. Confidence - if I could bottle and sell it, I'd be living in the Caribbean…having bought it and the surrounding waters with the revenue made. The scum have an unnerving arrogance about them. Their manager might be blind to everything else but he can see that if you have eleven players who care for nothing other than winning you'll half way to achieving it. However, would much prefer to achieve this without being moaning cheating hypocritical jumped up tw*ts, mirrored by their bland boring one dimensional fans (ooh, in there with the digs, zing).

Passion. The players only need to match the fire in the belly of the Spurs fans. That's enough. More than enough. Or failing that, just tell them if we lose the game they'll all be fined four weeks worth of wages.

All that probably wouldn't fit on a clipboard but I'm sure Harry would sum it all up by saying 'have a go at 'em, enjoy it, kick the ball with your feet' or words of similar standing.

It's Thursday. I'm still not nervous or particularly excited. I remain calm before what I hope will be the perfect storm.

More. Later.

Bored of the Stratford

Oh for the love of God. There's an England game this evening?

Well, sod that. Looks like I'll be firing up Football Manager and continuing my THFC save game (I'm top by the way, around 15 games played in the Prem, two points clear).  So, what with this not being a full-on international break and just a standard non-event of a friendly (loving the ITV advert trying to hype it up as a battle of two sleeping giants licking their wounds and trying to rediscover themselves…sorry ITV, you're better off trying to sell me rocking horse sh*t) here's a quick-fire round-up of Spurs news that has made me twitch these past few days.

Niko (via agent) is once more putting it out there that he might leave due to lack of games. On the one hand you might compare him to Corluka who was dropped due to loss of form and hasn't got back in because Harry is someone who does like to reward players for their good forum (Hutton - although I'd much prefer a more positional savvy Charlie working in tandem with Aaron rather than a rampaging Alan not giving a toss about anyone else on his flank including opposing players). Corluka says he will just dig deep and try to reclaim his place. Bravo. That's what we want to hear from our players. On the other hand, it's not like Niko has had much of a chance to hit his stride. A game here or there is more likely to produce a Bolton away performance rather than anything top drawer.

However, I'd refuse to let him go. What with the way we lose players to injuries from one month to the next.

Elsewhere, van der Vaart revealed that we have a clipboard in the dressing room that doesn't get used by the gaffer. No shocker. You can't put your hands around a clipboard and tell it how clippy and boardy it is. Harry is a man manager, I wouldn't go as far as saying tactics and opposition strengths are never discussed. The evidence is there and can't be argued against in terms of focus and game plans (Arsenal/Chelsea/City away last season - Inter at home this season). Unless all these performances were birthed from a brand of belief that Spurs players can occasionally conjure up like a rabbit from a top hat.

Stratford. Bored of it now. You've got every Tom, Dick and Harry coming out denouncing this that and the other about how we can't expand the Olympic stadium or move there or whatever. It's all redundant. The great irony is how many journalists and bloggers are making this out to be a Spurs v West Ham battle with only the one winning through and emerging victorious in the end - us or them. One massive massive problem here. We're going to have our Northumberland Development Project approved, thus remaining in N17. And the consequence of this is we win, and WH lose. Because if you ask any Hammers fans who do not work for the Daily Mail what they think - they'd rather remain where they are now than move to a stadium which they will only ever fill up by selling cut price tickets to Orient fans.

Defoe is almost back. One word of advice. More than one word. Patience for all concerned. Let's not rush him back. Let's allow him time to settle back into the side (he might not need time and be all guns blazing - but still). If we get him back to 100% from now till the end of May, we'll be happy. Everyone will be happy. Including his dear old friend, the offside rule.

COYS.

NLD journal #1

Afternoon.

Saturday. Small and insignificant matter of the North London Derby to be played out. The nerves, anticipation and expectation hardly kicks in until the morning of the game. I'm actually struggling to inspire myself for yet another 50,000 word epic war cry of an article calling for our players to show an abundance of desire, passion, determination, hunger, tenacity, organisation, cutting edge, end product, professionalism, concentration, never say die attitude and belief. Because as a set standard, all of this should be present from the off.

Yes, yes, injuries have a knock-on effect to formation and tactics (what tactics? Running around a lot and kicking the ball works just fine, right? No need to jot that down on a clipboard). And yes, yes, we always fail to get it right in the build up to this game and then fail despondently on the pitch. I can never understand this knee-jerk the players manage to achieve. At the swamp, we tend to defeat ourselves. Turning up in flip-flops rather than military certified boots, sinking deep in the cesspit.

In the 4-4, we packed a jet-pac to escape drowning.
Last time out, not even half of the team bothered to show up and the ones that did rolled out the red carpet on the marshlands allowing our inbreed hosts to skip joyfully on.

The Carling Cup game should be discounted altogether. Hey, that's what they do, right? Although it serves its purpose as testament to how times are genuinely changing - not in terms of us progressing ahead of them (because we haven't) but in terms of how far they have fallen. Granted, they are still in that degrading pack of three up top, but anyone at the Lane on the night would have laughed out loud at the sheer ecstasy their fans displayed, proclaiming just how important the CC is via their emotions. All of a sudden it matters. When we now suddenly refuse to take it seriously. Their fans, textbook in gloat, describing the game in WengerVision in how their kids beat our first team. Ooh the irony.

But enough with past misdemeanours and misadventures.

Blood and thunder is what this game was forged with in creation. To turn up and roll over for them, it's unacceptable even though it's hardly surprising when it happens. At the Lane last time out (I'm talking about the 2-1) we got it spot on tactically and were fantastic in terms of our will to win the game. We punished them whilst they played pretty football in and around the box without doing much and when they did push and pressured we had a formidable Gomes in goal to shut shop, other than allowing a consolation goal to creep in. We did not choke and when you place it alongside the Chelsea victory that followed, it was all pretty special. An awakening. So hoping we're not snoozing this weekend.

At the Emirates we do like to implode. One good omen this time round is the lack of a Robbie Keane pre-match declaration of victory. There is still time for someone to shag it all up, I'm sure. I hardly take much notice of the talk that goes on before because its just sound-bites and reflexed answers to questions that aid in quotable headlines, always exaggerated for additional effect. Like most games, but it's not a necessity for me to get caught up in a game that hardly requires the help of hype.

Re: the injuries and formational tinkering, I'd rather not linger on any ready made excuses. It's not like Arsenal are without problems. They're inconsistent, can make hard work of trying to walk the ball into the net and are quite obviously beatable at home. It's evenly matched. At least it will be if we turn up with chests pumped out. Nothing worse than clumsy implosion. Would rather lose the game playing out of our skins than lose it cheaply gift-wrapped.

JD might be back. Hudd is out for three months. Agent Gallas will no doubt score an own goal and rip off his shirt to reveal red and white colours then sit in the middle of the pitch crying his eyes out confused and alone. Ten home fans will sing to themselves in the far corner, reciting from their hymn sheets whilst the rest tuck into their half-time ribs. Jenas will score a brilliant brilliant individual goal. But we'll be 7-0 down at the time and when the final whistle is blown, we'll be demanding a dvd from our club shop for the plucky comeback that saw the game finish 7-6.

We need a win. Not just because its them lot but because Christmas is almost upon us and we have to remain anchored to 5th/4th spot so that after reinforcements in January we can truly give it proper go (I'm still holding onto us kick-starting our season any time now).

We need to win, we need to end this ridiculous run of away day blues against the former monopoly, we need to discover sustained swagger. And rather than worry about our defensive frailties, let's just make the most of their defensive frailties.

Momentum. About time we embraced some.

More journals to follow in the build up to the game.

In support of Jermaine Anthony Jenas

No - the blog has not been hacked.

Welcome to the JJ and Pav Appreciation Society. Membership is free.

You'll have noticed four things this past weekend. That's if you are straightforward with your honesty. I know I did, and it was echoed by others. A minority it would seem in parts - but I guess due to past crimes many of us struggle to come to terms when attempting to quantify then justify and compare one of the greatest of Spurs conundrums...and any supporting acts touring at the same time.

The rest shrugged and stated nothing has changed. And it probably hasn't. Because their perception of Jermaine Jenas has remained constant so it supports their opinion of the player, no matter what changes around him.

Now before you start accusing me of over-reacting or suddenly acquiring misty eyed delusions, I'm just pointing out that both Jermaine Jenas and Roman Pavlyuchenko (two of the most much maligned players we possess who sit on the bench of besmirch with Bentley, Keane and one or two others) played well. That's it. Not saying that for example JJ has suddenly achieved redemption and is owed respect and medals of honour or that Pav is the answer to our lack of cutting edge up front.

All this article wishes to state (in a traditional long-winded manner of therapeutic acceptance and apology) is that to balance out the Spursverse and stop the stars from falling from the skies, it's only fair we get into the habit of acknowledging those that deserve some praise, be it a gentle pat on the back or something more. The culture of knee-jerk, blame and favouritism remains and its easy to ignore anything that might contradict your opinion. We are guilty of it.

And sure, it was only Blackburn Rovers, but then it was only Sunderland, Bolton, Everton, West Ham, Wigan etc etc. We need players performing, no matter their apparent squad importance.

Both Jermaine and Roman deserve polite plaudits. I'm hoping this won't send some of you into cardiac arrest. So considering how quick we are to throw rotten fruit, it's only fair right? And equally so, my feet are firmly on the ground in terms of expectancy from both players. Because we've been here before, especially with JJ, who has flattered to deceive countless times. When he does play well its easy to confuse a standard performance for most other players with something sublime or superb thanks to it's rarity when he delivers the goods. And soon you come to the common conclusion that it's a blip, a positive spike of energy, and normality will resume. It's the ongoing soap opera we follow with Jenas, the same plot line repeated over and over again.

Not sure if its the smell of the NLD that has him looking sharp and focused, in time for a possible hopeful obligatory Tour de force cameo against the scum. Or if he has simply dug a little deeper with no spot-light on him. Arguably one of our best performers on Saturday against Rovers. What with rumours of Huddlestone crocked (now confirmed - 3 months), although both are completely different ilks of players, on form, Jenas isn't too shabby a player to have as a replacement. On form. Which is where the problem has always been. He's not always on form. Or to put a finer point on it - he's never the player we expect him to be. Which in some ways is the reason so many of us look on in despondency and always expect him to be below average. Even when he's not.

JJ is nondescript, say, in comparison to a Hudd or a Luka. You know the strengths and weakness of both of these players but with Jenas, he's just box-2-box but doesn't excel in one particular area other than his energy levels and his long-busting runs. When on form. With Hudd, it's his quarter-back stance and power-shots and vision and Luka is a crafter, a dinking magic man. JJ is always meant to be something, but we're never quite sure what that something is meant to be.

On Saturday he covered the pitch with intent and purpose, wanting it, playing balls to the flank for Bale, cross pitch marauding runs and some trademark box to boxing, driving forward (almost scored) eating up the space ahead of him. He's played decently a few times this season, but in comparison to the Bale and vdV hype, nobody tends to notice. Unless he plays sh*t, then we notice.

I know I've probably been guilty of ignoring him and grabbing the Kleenex for fast wrist action when watching Gareth destroy the left wing. Kleenex obviously required to wipe away the tears of joy from my eyes as my wrist struggles with the constant grabbing of the remote to rewind and replay.

This time though, I've found myself basking in Jenas tackling and battling on the field of play. Okay, basking is a touch too far. Pleasant. It was pleasant to see and with our injuries, it's fairly joyful to have a forgotten player reminding us that he can still offer his services to the side. Unlike Bentley who never appears likely to re-discover form he possessed prior to his move to Spurs.

I suppose you might still not be impressed and you might cite something I've always preached about  Jenas. When he plays well, as aforementioned, it's a blip. Levy's original poster-boy for 'sell-on value'. He is the perpetual prince of potential, forever we await for him to grow out of footballing puberty and then grow some much needed balls. Belief, he lacks it. And the home support equally so lack belief in him.  Hence the target on his back. We all want him to be the player he's expected to be.

He was never (going to be) a blood and thunder die hard mentally strong player we could build our midfield around. Whereas perhaps now, he can simply offer us some energy and directness, not as a Plan A, but as a Plan B.

"Uh, no, they're saying "Jen-urns! Jen-urns!"

We stand by the likes of Modric etc when they under perform because we know how well they can consistently play when on form. We hate on JJ because we expected him to be Gerrardesque in terms of stamping his authority on games. Perhaps not so much these days. Once upon a time when we lacked class in our midfield, he was our only hope. Hence the misguided faith and expectancy that weighed down on his fragile ickle mind. Now the landscape is one of riches so Jenas can - when given the opportunity - get on with doing the hard graft work whilst others swagger and silk.

He has played well this season, with a couple of poor performances thrown in. Much like many of our players have too. Considering how easily we excuse some of these players and look the other way and whistle.

So what four things did I notice on Saturday? Not rocket science this.

1) JJ played well

2) Pav played well

3) JJ still gets maligned via the 'Jenas is crap' reflex

4) Pav gets support from the crowd even when he's missing 'open goals'

Now the latter is great to see. Not the missing of open goals, but the support. Roman shots wide a glorious chance, then misses a penalty, but still we cheer him on and when he scores we lap it up. He always notches up a goal does Pav, even though most of the time he lacks much of anything else. But we seem to accept him. Did play very well against Blackburn and showed the type of movement we need from a forward whilst we wait for JD's return. And he showed strength to get on with it and stick the header away.

As for JJ, when the pressure isn't on, he turns it on. And we could go on talking about how a player who needs to be handled with care is not the right type of player for the club in the direction we wish to continue going. But it wouldn't be so much of a problem if we didn't treat him like he goes around bragging he's the best midfielder in the country.

Well done Jenas, I appreciate your efforts. You're not exceptional in any great way and your abilities are less special than say the likes of Modric and Huddlestone and company that offer those dinking runs and sublime passing but on this type of form, if we just accept you for what you are and can be (a solid squad player) then hopefully we'll see more of this from you. With the odd anomoly that has you playing out of your skin. And we promise not to expect from you every week.

Consistency, it's all we want.

JJ. Not reinventing bread just lightly toasting it. The Marmite is optional.

Support your team. Support your players*.

*if you play sh*t JJ, I will ruin you mate.

As for Pav, he needs a run in the team, otherwise we'll never know if he's just the right man in the right place when coming off the bench (Darren Bent anyone?) or a forward who can work as part of a cohesive fluid Spurs side.

As for the game itself. Good to have you back Spurs. Well, at 60%, but good enough. Disappointing to concede two late on, especially in the soft manner we did, but otherwise it's important to knowingly nod at the fact we scored four goals at home comfortably with two goals from forward players in a 4-4-2 formation (bastardised a tad to account for vdV's wondering into central positions).

Back to basics Tottenham and Harry. Huddlestone injury to be discussed later. NLD previews on the way.

Onwards Spurs.

A lot. At the minute. Hoping that minute turns into hours.

Tottenham Hotspur White Hart Lane Survival Kit

Going to the Lane for another feast of swashbuckling football? Got your replica kit on and packed your Muller Rice? Don’t forget your pocket money for that pre-match burger and match day programme. Come on you Spurs! But if it’s your first time and you’re concerned you might not quite fit into the North London ambiance then don’t fret. This compact guide will make sure you’re up to speed on exactly how to blend into the multitude of white and blue inside the ground and then stand out as a genuine balls deep loyal Spurs supporter who goes to every game!

So a massive welcome to the survival kit that will guide you through the perfect WHL experience. Up the Spurs!

Arrival

Turn up ten minutes before kick-off and get yourself a cheeky bottle of beer to quench your thirst. Don’t worry about missing the opening exchanges, it takes time for both teams to settle and you can always catch the action on the various television sets available inside the stand or read a match report after the game and base your appraisals and criticisms on that (good idea is to Sky+ Match of the Day to make sure you have all the talking points covered for Monday at work).

Kick-off

When you get to your seat start singing. Don’t worry too much about having to learn countless chants before the game as there are only two songs to memorise. Follow what the other fans are doing by slowly singing with arms aloft and fingers dancing. If you’re in the South Stand make sure you participate in the in-game entertainment with the stewards. When they say sit, get your bum on the seat and the moment they walk on by you stand. Game lasts for a good 30 minutes. So with 15 minute left of the half get yourself down back into the stand for another beer and watch the reminder of the game on one of the television sets.

At any given moment inspire the team by singing ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’.

Half-time

Enjoy another beer and chat amongst mates. Wait until the second half kicks off then go to the toilet. There should be a massive queue, but that’s okay. Watch the game on one of the television sets as you wait. Then once inside the toilet area, if you’ve forgotten your cigarettes it’s no problem, just breathe in the air around you and exhale. Use one of the cubicles if you want to p*ss on the floor then get yourself another sneaky beer before returning to your seat.

Second-half

If you don’t know what’s going on in terms of performance, just make sure you shout abuse for any one of these players, even if they’re not playing: Jermaine Jenas, Peter Crouch, David Bentley, William Gallas, Robbie Keane. Other fans will know you know your football inside out and give you deserved respect with an accompanying nod and smile.

Inspire the team by singing ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’.

If we score, celebrate and tell everyone ‘I told you so’. If we concede use any one of these shouts to berate the goal:

“F*cking useless Jenas”*
“F*ck off Jenas”
“For fucks sake Jenas”
“JJ you’re sh*t”

*replace Jenas with one of the aforementioned players, i.e. Bentley, Keane to suit the occasion.

If there is no goal mouth action or if there is a lull in the game, make sure you keep yourself interested by shouting out :

“F*cking useless Jenas”*
“F*ck off Jenas”
“For fucks sake Jenas”
“JJ you’re sh*t”

Remember, it’s okay to slate a player and then celebrate when said player scores. They owe you. And it’s thanks to the abuse that they’ve reacted positively.

Inspire the team by singing ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’.

Full-time

If  we fail to win this means it’s the managers fault due to lack of movement on bench/shouting/substitutions and he’s therefore not good enough. Cite Martin Jol.

When the final whistle has actually blown make sure to confirm we’ve drawn or lost by listening to car radios as you walk down the High Road or by checking the BBC live reports via 3G on your smart-phone. If you’ve remained at or inside the ground use one of the following actions to illustrate your disapproval:

- Last season’s booklet season ticket + a book of matches. Light up the booklet then throw onto the pitch. Make sure to foam at mouth and tell everyone around you that Harry has to go and that Crouch is a donkey.

- String up an effigy and tell the stewards ‘there used to be a football club here’.

- Reference the ‘dark days’ and say the club is going backwards and the sooner Harry is out the better.

- Boo at the referee but with the knowledge that it will kill two cockerels with one stone by also being interpreted as a boo for the players trudging off the pitch. Which they deserve if there has been a failure to capture the three points, what with you paying £50 for ninety minutes of depressive one dimensional football. They're not paid 40k a week to disappoint and experience blips. It's outrageous. Throw your wallet at a steward who asks you to calm down and inform him 'There you go, this club has bled me dry and has given me nothing back, I have nothing now'. Tell the officer leading you away he's a protector of the fascist bourgeoisie that want to replace true fans with neutral families who dislike a bit of a passion and colourful language and strong tribal instinctive reactions.

Remember, if you are seated in the West Stand under stadium regulations, you must leave at the 80 minute mark. Fans in other parts of the ground should stand within a metre of the exits watching the closing minutes of the game on the tv sets allowing for a quick getaway in order to claim a choice seat on the bus/train/tube home. If a goal is scored, run back in the direction of the stand and join in. If you’re urinating at the time, make sure you celebrate but remember – if there are others standing by your side at the urinals, do not cross the streams.

Post-game

Draw up a mental list of replacement managers and new players and start planning your on-line rant for when you hit the forums cursing the lack of ingenuity from the team, unless we won the game where in this case you should reference the top 4 and how great we are and that we will finish in a CL position again.

COYS.



The Four Horsemen of the Spurcalypse

Conference room 23...

Pestilence - It's going well, isn't it?

War - Yes. I've got the fickle ones booing already.

Famine - That's down to me that is. You lot are always trying to get credit for something I've done.

War - We're working together are we not? There's no 'I' in team.

Death - Now now children. We need to remain focused. The end is not quite in sight. Still a long way to go. We need to start pushing the envelope out. Together.

War - Can we get this meeting started. I've got a personal trainer session booked in for one.

Pestilence - Who's doing the minutes?

War - Not me, I did them last time.

Famine - Well don't look at me, I bought the Jaffa Cakes.

Death - I've got the agenda, so I'll do the minutes this week. First up, the problems at the back. Pestilence, everything on course I see.

Pestilence - Yes, we are seeing the effects of the foundations laid out early season. Inconsistent and patched up from one week to the next. Moments of lapses proving costly.

War - Woodgate still out?

Pestilence - Of course he is. When I do a job I do it right.

War - Shame you can't quite close the deal on King.

Pestilence - Does he play every week? No. So I'd say that's job done there too.

Famine - What about Gallas and Kaboul?

Pestilence - You like that combo, don't you?

War - It's clever. Outsourcing with the Gallas free transfer as part of the hired guns initiative. Sensational piece of work I have to admit.

Death - And the other areas of criticality?

Pestilence - Well, defence is erratic as discussed. I've also closed off the forward positions on the roadmap. Working on the midfield now. You'll have noted the work I've done on downsizing Gareth Bale by removing Lennon from the equation thus having him doubled up and frozen out of games.

War - Top bombing.

Death - Splendid, love how you've maximising our core competencies.

Famine - Hold up, you closed off the forward positions? Are you kidding me? The forward positions are closed because of the ongoing work I'm responsible for.

Pestilence - If It wasn't for me you'd have nothing to work on.

Famine - That's a fallacy. I've got to handle both the Crouch account and that Russian assignment.

Pestilence - Boo hoo, project manager of the year in da house, everyone give him a standing ovation, we've just found Alan Sugars new apprentice.

Famine - Now hold on a second…

Death - Focus people, please focus.

Pestilence - Yes, focus, is what I give one hundred percent of the time and the result is one of utmost quality. No Defoe and no summer striker signing. Resulting in dimensional hoofing of the ball.

Famine - Defoe, actually, is almost back.

Pestilence - Yes, almost being the key word. And you'll find I've left him with his offside deficiency and timed his comeback for the away game at the Emirates.

War - Is that a guesstimate?

Pestilence - No, no. Should be available for the NLD.

War - Coolio. Demoralised on his comeback. I like that.

Famine - What about Spurs being linked to Forlan.

Pestilence - Who has hardly scored since the World Cup. That's also my work.

Famine - And Suarez?

Pestilence - He plays in the Dutch league. I rest my case.

War - Thinking outside the box, love it.

Pestilence - Thanks. Multi-tasking, is what I do. Gotta make sure every angle is covered.

Death - Thanks Pestilence. Famine an update please.

Famine - Hardly any goals scored from the front-line, only two home wins in six because of the lack of said ball in back of net. Away form equally stagnated.

Death - And what work have you achieved to complete this?

Famine - Work?

Death - Yes, how have you gone about in terms of progressing development and implementation?

Famine - The strikers?

Death  - Yes.

Famine - Well it's Crouch and Pav.

Death - Okay. And?

Famine - I haven't bothered doing anything.

War - Genius.

Death - Laugh out loud.

Pestilence - You've done nothing? That's classic. And you still want the credit?

Famine - Yes, I've done nothing. And yet by doing nothing, I've achieved my goal. Hence, credit all mine.  Why is this so difficult to fathom? Have you even seen the two of them play?

War - Good point that.

Pestilence - Crouch scores goals.

Famine - In Europe. That isn't our department, that's the work of those God boy geeks on floor nine. And if he does happen to score in the league or assist its because of all that hoofing of the ball you keep implementing.

Pestilence - What do you expect me to do? Keep it on the floor? Hoofing is far more detrimental to...

Death - Okay, okay, let's not get side tracked. Excellent update Famine. And War?

War - Got a couple of players moaning due to lack of games. Agent Gallas is causing a few arguments within the fan base thanks to his uninspiring performances and the anti-Harry brigade is growing stronger by the day, especially in the Blogosphere and online forums. And let's not forget the booing. Got banners planned for future games. How does 'We want our Tottenham back' sound?

Death - I like it.

Famine - Anti-Harry brigade on the internet? Yeah, cause people really pay attention to all those loopy online communities and bloggers.

War - Also Redknapp slagging off the fans in a post-match interview saying they do not appreciate what they have. I know, I know, I got a little carried away, a little self-indulgent with the touch of sarcasm but, what the hell, why not, hey?

Death - Excellent, excellent. Signature work. I thought it was marvellous. Okay, my turn now. I can confirm that on current form we are on course for death of CL qualification via top four placement for next season. Launch date…sorry, death date at the moment is pencilled in for late January. But its just a provisional date and tbh I'd prefer to see us achieve this just after Christmas. We need more in terms of fragmentation of opinion and below par performances so can we perhaps see more granularity in planning? I'm also thinking we need more of Bentley. Thoughts?

Pestilence - I can try my best with Bentley.

Death - Anyone care to conceptualise?

Famine - Get a skip onto the pitch. Or have a Sky Sports News reporter with a mic on the touchline, Bentley might start star jumping mid game.

War - That's not a bad idea, but to be honest, is there any point? He can't go past a man. He can't even ever go around a lamp post.

Death - Perfect then.

Pestilence - I worry that by introducing more of Bentley we are cannibalizing other squad players.

Death - Let's review again next week. What you need to concentrate on is weakening the strong elements of the midfield. Want to see a PowerPoint next meeting covering off how we can do so. I want the midfield disjointed like the defence and forward positions. The Webb formula in the last Excel document worked a treat by the way.

War - Nice touch with the Cattermole filter.

Pestilence - Cheers mate.

Death - Defence and forward positions are struggling as planned, however we need to run a report on our next likely target.

Famine - Wilson Palacios?

Pestilence - He's already been ticked off from the check-list.

Famine - Jenas?

Death - What does Jenas do exactly?

<silence>

<laughter>

Death - <still laughing> Let's leave the fifth horseman out of this.

Pestilence - Anyone know if he's due to return anytime soon?

Death - Not sure. It's his decision to do contract work. Good money in contracting. So, any ways, next likely target?

War - van der Vaart surely?

Death - That's achievable. It's almost Christmas, can we have him tapped up perhaps? And more 'he's the best left-winger in the world' hype for Bale, the more he gets the bigger the weight on his shoulder and the bigger the impact on his level of performance. It's what now? Four league games without a win? Just over twenty games to go before we exceed the previous hoodoo tally.

Famine - Well if someone wasn't slack with the hoodoo the first time round we wouldn't have the problem we currently have with Bale and he'd be out on loan at Forest rotting away.

Pestilence - Stop blamestorming. The calendar reminder in Outlook didn't work okay? I apologised at the time, wasn't that enough for you?

Famine - Slack.

Pestilence - Slack? I'll tell you what's slack - you. Famine? If it was a famine then van der Vaart wouldn't be scoring goals every time he plays at the Lane.

Famine - He used his arm. It was handball ffs. What am I meant to do with those types of variables? Can you not give him leprosy or something?

Pestilence - Excuses, excuses.

War - Probably my fault that, what with the O.C.W.S.S.B.A.W.

Death - The what?

War - The Ongoing Conspiracy Work Stack Supported By Clattenberg And Webb. Bit of a cross-over what with ignoring handball incidents.

Death - Of course, I knew that. Okay, great work team. I'm holding another conference call this afternoon to talk about the agenda for tomorrows conference call that covers off the workshop on Friday where we discuss how best to discuss work loads in conference calls.

Famine - Anyone want a Jaffa Cake?


Three gripes

Trying to rationalise yesterdays result.

We created (apparently) 18 chances including hitting the woodwork. Although the chances were never always clear cut and usually long range efforts, there's an undisputed argument that for the best part of the game we dominated in terms of possession and intent to go forward and score. Sunderland defended, we attacked. Okay so our version of attack is not quite the swashbuckling variant we have been accustomed too in recent seasons. Our movement up top is not the best. We tried to win the game and probably would have won it if Gallas and Kaboul did not brain fart in synchronicity to allow the equaliser from their first effort.

There are two gripes here. Three gripes. Probably more, but I'll go with the three for now.

Gripe #1 - Forwards, lack of. I know this is turning into a weekly excuse but there is a deficiency in our league games that is making the performance appear worse than it actually is. It's all about scoring goals, obviously, and if you don't you're not going to be winning many games. Even when we play just above average football we still endeavour to craft and create. But the issue remains because we don't have a robust tenacious forward in the side, it's akin to Zorro being asked to sword fight with a haddock in his hand. However, as witnessed at Bolton, we can score goals. It's the one dimensional application that places us under pressure and the longer the game goes on the more it plays on our minds.

Gripe #2 - Urgency, lack of. For around 70 minutes we asked all the questions. But it felt like we stood there speaking in a monotone drool slowly working through a power-point presentation made up of bland and boring graphs and stats. Where was the intentionally placed photo of a woman in a bikini in amongst the slides to brighten up the presentation? It's all a bit one gear, same speed with little variation. See end of gripe #1. Now perhaps I'm being a little harsh here because I know there are several of you (I've checked) that believe it was a 'frustrating result but not a frustrating performance'. I appreciate what you're trying to say here, but it is a frustrating performance because the players need to work just that little bit harder and we need to go beyond just 'asking questions' and just ram it down their throats a bit like Steve Jobs jumping around on stage during a key-note speech screaming 'IT'S MAGIC, IT'S MAGIC, IT'S MAGIC!'.

Okay, go on then, you've forced me into it. Here's another analogy. We're like an iphone 4. We look fantastic out the box but if we struggle to fulfil the most important function, then we're practically rendered useless. We need a new antenna (see gripe #1 again) because trying to hold ourselves up in an awkward manner is simply not working. Unless we're in Europe. Where reception is pretty good.

Last season we churned out results. Whether it was with or without key players. Our midfield in the past might have resulted in a migraine or two, so the irony of having a midfield now but nothing up top hurts. But even so, it's not like we're not creating chances. There simply has to be more urgency in our play. Get into the box, hassle, do or die even if its unwarranted in terms of it being a club like Sunderland (rather than a NLD). Works for United in the tenth minute of injury time. We need to make it work for us. Because with that attitude, if we did have a working forward, we'd be laughing proudly.

Gripe #3 - The basics. This is something that leaves me scratching my head. And it might be something that isn't looked at in terms of major reconstruction internally but there's enough to make me hope Harry does takes a look. It's the simple stuff. Like set pieces. The way we defend them is obviously something we all know is an issue. But I'll concentrate on the way we attack them, or should I say not attack them. Countless corners - no end product. Not suggesting we score from everyone but Christ, come on Spurs, make at least one of them count. We still don't appear to make the most of direct/in-direct free-kicks either. And in terms of desire the players have to understand that just going through the motions even if those motions are decent (in terms of passages of play) it's not always going to be enough to defeat the opposing side. Players have to adapt in game and add some ooh into the oomph. If Bale is being doubled up and there's no Lennon on the other side, swap it around for ten minutes. Force Sunderland into changing their shape. Reshuffle damn it.

Felt yesterday evening was a routine display where we just did the same thing over and over again. Enough to win it, excluding the mistake that meant we didn't. When we did score our goal it was from the first decent cross from Bale and vdV once more alert to the nod down from Crouch. There is more to us than this. Even with missing players and that need for a new forward. We are not this one dimensional. And let's be frank here, a man holding a fish might not be as cutting as a man holding a sword, but you can still smack someone in the face with it. 

6 games, 2 wins

From my match preview of the game:

No win in three in the league. All eyes on Harry and his selection. All eyes on our erratic Lilywhite troops. Get it wrong and we might find ourselves below mid-table. Get it right and it's one step back onto the path we want to be swaggering down. More like John Travolta. Less like Charlie Chaplin. And definitely no Harold Lloyd hanging off the hands of a clock high above.

Keystone Kops it is then for their equaliser.

Textbook infuriating performance we have become accustomed to this season. Practically dominated possession, carved out chances without really carving them out. Even our goal was scored with the help of a handball. Yes, yes Webb is a joke, but tbh I'm busy laughing (crying) at how we manage to make the art of scoring goals into a task equal to finding the end of a rainbow.

Modric buzzed, I snoozed. Most of them not good enough. Lacklustre. Plenty of effort but no cutting edge quality against what was a well drilled and organised Sunderland. But a Sunderland we can beat if we play to our tempo. What's our tempo? You know what our tempo is. It's the one that only comes out to play in Europe.

Countless corners. Around 4,000. Yet we are incapable of attacking them. Gallas and Kaboul get a second mention: KEYSTONE. Bale managed the one cross, majestic it was, Crouch to vdV for his obligatory Lane goal. Had we not gifted them a way back into the game we might have scraped a 1-0. Either way, it doesn't hide the fact that we are seriously lacking focus in the Prem at the minute.

Two points wasted. Six games played at the Lane. Two wins. Ouch.

Still onwards. Anyone for a 5-0 thrashing of Blackburn?

Anyone?

The next three games

No win in three in the league. All eyes on Harry and his selection. All eyes on our erratic Lilywhite troops. Get it wrong and we might find ourselves below mid-table. Get it right and it's one step back onto the path we want to be swaggering down. More like John Travolta. Less like Charlie Chaplin. And definitely no Harold Lloyd hanging off the hands of a clock high above.

The tag, THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY EVER, is one I've used in jest many times over recent years for games that on paper are hardly glamorous but the result (in our favour) nothing less than imperative. Historically, if my memory serves me correctly, we've turned up every time (apart from once, possibly twice). This is not quite 2points8games territory. But because of the nature of our lack of sustained domestic consistency and end product, we are now 90 minutes away from what I would constitute a crisis.

A crisis of faith.

Now hold on a second, I hear you shout out in anger, calling me a hypocrite and contradictor. You keep banging on about how we're going to finish fourth again. And yes, I still believe that. Devils advocate hat is firmly on head.

Losing one game doesn’t automatically write off our season. But when that one game is the third on the trot and is number five overall (theoretically) then you would have reason to question my optimism. I'd begin to question it. Self-doubt would slowly creep back into my clouded thoughts.

Momentum takes you upwards on the back of confidence and belief and just stuff clicking into place naturally and instinctively when you win games.  Where is the momentum going to come from? Are we waiting to sign said momentum in the January transfer window? Are we really struggling that much for some oomph? Or is all this yet another throw-away episode in the dramatic life of being a Tottenham fan, all a bit exaggerated and over the top, what with everyone around us being just as erratic. That and the frustrating fact that we all know what we are truly capable of when we do wish to turn up (Spurs 3 Inter 1). For me that's the new improved Spurs. What we appear to be watching sporadically in the league games is a window to the past. The version we need to brush off once and for all. Box it up, stick it in the loft.

So when are we going to step up?

I'll make some suggestions. Three simple suggestions.

Sunderland, Lane.
Blackburn, Lane.
Scum, the swamp.

Three games. Nine points.

There's this fallacy that Harry only works best when he's fixing a problem someone else has left behind. Hence the sterling recovery from the Ramos debacle. However, a debacle that many believed was always recoverable passed on the fact we always had the players, we just didn't have someone to instil the required desire and effort. Harry did just that. Got them organised. Wasn't the miracle everyone tagged it with, however what he then achieved was near enough one considering the money and managers we have thrown at attempting to progress. Down to bare bones, but even if Harry used that as a ready made excuse, the players didn't even acknowledge it. Superb man management, no?

He deserves the credit even if he makes the most of it with his self-hype. And in lapses of support where some have questioned his tactical astuteness, he has time and time again proved he can win games and adapt strategically. Perhaps the learning curve is one that takes slightly longer than other 'world class' managers. And sometimes we are left wondering why the team isn’t quite sharp enough or motivated. He's not perfect but he's not stupid either. I promise.

There's no room for complacency. Or are we back to arguing over prioritisation of challenges (with CL winning it seems)?

The point here is that what with the vdV and 451 conundrum and the various key injuries, rather than attempt to be overly clever or experimental we need to reclaim some of the back to basics fighting spirit. Backs up against the wall mentality. Harry keeps citing the importance of fourth spot. I'd like to refer you to the evidence. It's somewhere here, give me a second. Nope, can't quite find it.

Harry has to get everyone on it, eye of the tiger. We are not bare bones, so it shouldn't be that tricky to achieve. Right?

If we are genuinely lacking in depth in terms of fluidity when having to replace first team players with 'reserves' and if this is suddenly a problem when it wasn't so much one last season or the season before after Harry took over - then batten down the hatches. Either the players struggle to perform having been benched for a while or their personal motivation isn't at a decent enough standard to replace missing stars. January is still (just under) two months away. We can't postpone the games and play them after we sign a forward.

What to do? Run around a lot and kick it in the net.  Win, any which way, but if I'm going to be picky, win with style and get the momentum going. No more half-baked attempts at 'getting stuck in'. I know what you're thinking, 'how can we boss games if we lack the rhythm when missing players?'. Fact is, we've had something missing even when we've had the players available.

It's probably more a question of commitment and intensity. A lack of. It's not the biggest game in our history ever. But it's important in terms of changing direction. Crisis? Don't be silly. But if we wish to aim high, then drawing a game should be labelled a crisis. Defeat - a disaster.

Two home games, nothing less than six points. Am I asking for the moon on a stick? No, no I'm not. I'm asking for our players to show their true colours. Brilliant white. Not p*ss stained yellow.

I want two solid, focused performances before the away trip to The Stench. How we manage to beat Sunderland and Blackburn with the obvious to all redundant no cutting edge inept strike force (lol), well, that's not down to me. My job is to scream and shout till my lungs burst. Harry's job is to do the same pre-match in the dressing room, on the touchline during and…just plenty of hugs and congrats at the final whistle.

We need to be complete in terms of intent, all the possession in the world counts for nowt if we don't stick those chances away.

COYS with pomp and gritted teeth. And a little prayer. With or without Rafael. Pressure is on.

How to lose points and ailenate fourth spot

Bolton 4 Spurs 2

My initial gut reaction to Saturdays could not be arsed performance in the majesty of the cathedral of football (the Reebok Stadium) was simply this: Harry Redknapp…why?

I appreciate that we shall never defeat the conspiracy (oh look another early Saturday kick-off straight after a Champions League game) but that was no excuse to just shrug at the prospect of perhaps claiming something tangible up at Bolton, were historically we get as much action as Cliff Richard. So no shocker, cometh the final whistle. No celebrations either, just footballing celibacy. Our players displaying the type of effort you'd expect from a walk on a beach mid summer holiday.

Should my knees begin to jerk ever so slightly? Or should I continue to whistle a gleeful tune and dance nervously holding up a sign that reads 'The End is not Nigh, So Stop Fretting'. Am I  ignoring the evidence of domestic degradation of consistent form and backbone? Do I rely too much on the varied weaknesses that are displayed by opposing (rival) sides with each passing week as a reason to remain optimistic? Do we - as a supporting collective - add more weight to our results than when we look across at other teams where perhaps we rationalise and exaggerate and gloss over the importance of their results in comparison? Is our squad depth not at depthy as it would suggest? Regardless of the dizzying questions, there are only two that matter at this still early juncture of the season.

What's broken and how do we fix it?

Or perhaps it's better worded as; how have we broken it and why isn't it getting fixed?

Perhaps things are not quite broken, they're just not in full working order.

We are erratic. The side is hardly ever settled in terms of juggling between league and Europe. Injuries confirm that as sublime as our first team can be, when we lose certain key players we lack cohesiveness and this has a knock-on effect with other commonly required footballing essentials (intensity, desire, focus etc). But even with a storming first team (on paper) we've disappointed in the league still. 451 works in Europe. Doesn't quite sex up at home.

Parts of the team - when the team is not at full strength (or as full strength as selection can allow) are at  times found out and thus has a detrimental effect on the rest of the side. Our defence guilty as charged. Against Bolton (who were not that good) we gifted them goals (regardless of the first being offside) because we managed to be even worse than them.

I said my initial gut reaction was to blame the gaffer, and I still do, but the players have quite a bit to answer for in terms of ye olde mental strength. But then it all goes back to the erratic selection which births lack of rhythm and style from one game to the next. We play our best football and best players in Europe. It's time we shared the wealth with the mundane task of finishing fourth. Before that ship sails and we're left drowning in shark infested waters. Or something equally grim.

So what went wrong at the Reebok? Easy peasy:

- 451 when there is no van der Vaart to accommodate. So why bother with 451?
- Crouch up top on his own. Why didn't Pav start? We are struggling with goals from our strikers in the league, so you do the math - two is better than one. There is no dynamic movement when pushing forwards and although Crouch and Pav is less Batman and Robin and more Rodney and Del Boy, it's the better and more obvious option to go with the two of them. Pav - for the record - has notched seven goals in all comps this season. That's from six starts and nine substitutions. His league record overall is rubbish (53 apps, 13 goals). So can we just tell him it's a cup game (21 apps, 18 goals) every time we play?'
- No flow and support structure in key areas (i.e. Hutton and Niko hardly a passable execution of 'how to support a team-mate')
- Sandro and Wilson in the starting line-up? Really? One newbie finding his feet and one oldie who has managed to lose his.
- Huddlestone on the bench. Stamps his authority on the game when he eventually comes on. Fails to wrap his boots around a decent pass.
- Kranjcar given a start which he does nothing with. Bentley on the other hand displays 'glimpses' of decency which is a little bit like saying, 'Look ma, he's star-jumping AND winking at the same time'.
- Wait to go three down before showing urgency.
- Complete lack of character, which is either the last dying remnants of the culture of comfort that almost destroyed this club or something isn't quite working in terms of prioritising the importance of climbing the table.
- Play badly to make opponents look good and yet almost  get back into it late on. Botheredness, the Spurs way.
- Keep dropping/losing points when it's even more obvious that this season is going to be less of a challenge to finish 4th than last season IF…IF IF IF…we attain the same standard of football we played at last season.
- No insight or astute pre-game analysis or tactical master planning of the opposing side. It's all very 'I'll select eleven players and hope they gel for ninety minutes'.
- Lack of in-game insight/astuteness and tactical re-shaping of the opposing side. It's okay to be reactive. That's 'reactive' to the game and opposition BEFORE we go three down.

Not frigging rocket science is it? And yet the same mistake(s) are made every few weeks.

We are up for the European adventure, and not so up for concentrating on league form. There might be a subconscious shared thought in the club that has everyone thinking we might not get a chance in the CL again for another two or three years so let's enjoy it and let's make our mark. Daniel Levy appreciates this as he's well aware that long term planning is vital and he won't go loopy for the sake of the short term. But considering how obvious our problems are, speculating in early 2011 would make the double challenge of home and away far more achievable than it stands at the minute.

The short term win can make the long term far more comfortable and we can stop looking around and concerning ourselves with the form of others and leave them to concern themselves with our form.

So panic? Don't bother. Not yet. Honestly, we still have some sand left in the hour glass.

We are not playing well but we are in there in terms of points and position. Sure, we are closer to the bottom than the top and the next three games are vital because if we win our home games (Sunderland/Rovers) and get something off the scum then we'll have gone from weeds to blossoming Lily's. If we don't then panic. PANIC PANIC PAAAAAANIC.

There is a point in the season where we (I) can't keep saying - we are still within touching distance. We have to move on and get in amongst the top five and pull away with them and then deal with the fight it will take to remain there and aim for 4th rather than 5th. I think we are at that point now. If we miss it, then we're going to get dragged down further with loss of focus and belief and distraction in the shape of the CL. And the point becomes one of no return.

I don't particularly want to share CL football with the likes of City or Liverpool (yes, Liverpool because they're back baby, they're back!!! Did you not see the game on Sunday?). We might find we don't have a choice and that every other season we challenge and reclaim entry to the elite competition because of the openness of the Prem. On the other hand,  we lose out this season and the Prem goes all monopoly again - and it's back to mediocrity as our players get plucked. The latter is less likely, but I'd rather not entertain that risk.

I lost count of the amount of times we got written off during the 2010 journey. I've said it many times this term - we might appear to be going sideways but we are not far off at all from getting this fixed. Just a couple of variables to be added to the formula. Just need to stand tall and proud before the money shot. Our CL hangover record is actually better than Arsenals. Not that it makes it acceptable to lose to Bolton and it's frustrating that we never get anything there - but with two home games and then the scum away (before CL and Liverpool) - this is when we discover if this fantastical learning curve - for the manager as well as players - has sunk in and we are better for it.

Get to Jan even with the same type of difference we have at the moment between us and say 3rd spot - and then it's over to the chairman and the transfer window to consolidate the work and progress achieved last season and eradicate this blip we are experiencing in the Prem. I don't need to tell you what we need. If we get what we need then we'll gonna get a whole heap of what we want.

I'll end with some positives from the game.

Ridiculously great technique and finish for the goal from Roman. Superb effort from Hutton also. That's it.

Also, can I point out that Gareth Bale didn't make his debut at the San Siro. And this fallacy of him being non-existent in the league is exactly that. Although my point would be more poignant if made on another day, rather than after a quiet performance and defeat.

Conclusion?

Last time I'm going to say this now. We are not playing well, we dissect every loss because of the standards we have set ourselves and we are showing frailties that are probably not half as bad as some other clubs have in comparison but probably more susceptible to repair. We've got it in us. It's time to prove it.

That's it.