Tottenham till I die - reprise

Off the back of tehTrunk's article about the club, N17 and Stratford causing one or two ripples of fragmented opinion within the Lilywhite fanbase, someone reminded me of a prior blog that asked the simple question 'How did you come to support Tottenham?'.

That article and the comments shared is drenched in the type of nostalgia and history that a number of us wish to remain anchored to. We're a bit soft like that. So here's the article again, to hopefully stir up one or two new stories.

Original article and comments posted can be found here. Comments are really worth looking at.

Ta.

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A question was posed on a forum asking why you support who you support. Not highly original, I know, but it's always interesting to delve into the responses to see how other peoples allegiances were birthed.

Your answer ought to be geographically influenced, but commonly it's down to immediate family and on occasions, if you are devoid of having a dad (or mum) or siblings who are interested in the beautiful game you just pick whomever is top of the league. Which is why when I was a young lad everyone in London seemed to support Liverpool*.

*Two minutes silence for their current plight please people. Two minutes.

Of course, not everyone glory-hunts. And many live abroad and simply fall in love with the history or traditions of a club in another country, based on a game they've witnessed or a book they've read or the majesty of a shirt. I appreciate that not everyone is pre-selected.

I had the privilege (curse) of having a family of Spurs supporters around me. I was also born in Tottenham. Well actually, no I wasn't. A hospital on Tottenham Court Road. Well, actually the hospital was just a brisk walk from Tottenham Court Road. Nowhere near N17, but that's just a  technicality. Tottenham Court Road, right? COYS.

My grandfather (God rest his soul) was a keen follower and frequenter of White Hart Lane during the 50's and 60's and my uncle, a fanatic during the 70's hardly missed a game. The latter, the one who influenced me and guided me into the light that is Lilywhite.

No rebellious I want to support someone else or I like their badge so I'm going to choose this lot instead - which wasn't uncommon, again, with people who had no given affiliations to a club when they were old enough to understand and make their selection. A successful team, usually defeating the local team as the winning option if they wished to fast-track themselves to the top tier. But plenty followed their hearts instead.

How some families managed to be split down the middle between two clubs always fascinated me. It's fragmentation that can never be resolved. My dad supports Spurs. My brother. My sister. My uncle's kids. We have no split. I did celebrate Trevor Brookings goal in the 1980 Cup final by running outside into the garden and attempting to head the ball into an imaginary net but that isn't confliction, it's a natural reaction. An acceptable lapse. A Newcastle supporting father and a Sunderland supporting son a story I remember hearing about. They hardly spoke, always fought. Football before family, always.

Reminds me of a bloke who stood in front of me in one of the East stand turnstiles back in the very early 90's. 1991 season I reckon, home to the scum. 0-0. Gooners waving their wallets at us from the Park Lane. Gazza almost scoring an own goal as I stood in the corner of the Shelf side in those cracking days of terraces. So this bloke in the queue had a Spurs and Arsenal badge on his jumper. A ridiculous paradox.

"I support both", he stated proudly.

The steward looked at me and I just blankly stared back. If you support two clubs, two rival clubs, then you've not quite grasped the concept, have you? It's like people who ask the question: Who's you favourite team? There is no place for favourite team in football. If you do it properly, you don't have a favourite team. You just have the one. A relationship for life. No break-up. Plenty of heartaches and headaches, and the two of you are together until your very last breath.

'Yeah, so, I really love Man U but I dig Real Madrid in their all white kit and also adore Wolves because they got a cool name. So Utd are my best, Madrid my second bestest and Wolves my third bestestest. If any of them play each other, I'd like a draw'

If you ever met someone who stated a resemblance of the above, I wouldn't look down on you if you smothered and buried him in a shallow grave in Epping forest. Favourite? There's no room for favouritism. Following the results of your local side, if you perhaps don't actually support your local side isn't betrayal. There are no affairs and no two-timing. 100% unequivocal commitment. You love your team, but you can have a soft spot for your local side. Bit like some Spurs fans I know who watch Barnet or Orient. They don't 'love' Barnet. They would practically (heavily metaphorically) die for Spurs.

However, every now and again we do get some Sol Campbells amongst us. Ooh.

My brother-in-law knew someone who, after a depressing Saturday at the Lane in a depressing season (I guess the mid-90's), and partly thanks to some peer-pressure from outside his group of friends, 'quit' supporting Spurs and not long after ended up an Arsenal fan. Quitting because your team lost? Spare a thought for supporters of clubs who never climb out of the lower tier divisions. The spirit of Benedict Arnold lives on with some.

I knew someone a few years back, a Hammers fan, who revealed he was a Spurs fan when he was a teenager but ended up following the Irons because his group of mates got involved with the ICF and he was more interested in the friendships and fighting than the football. It was, to him, more about being part of a group. A hooligan rather than standing on his own every Saturday at 3pm. Each to their own I guess.

My personal favourite (I'm using that word here because it's in context) has to be the story about these two blokes (in Leyton at the time), one of whom was completely disinterested in football and the other a West Ham fan. They both lusted after this one girl who was an Arsenal supporter. And both of them became gooners as a consequence to win her over. They both actually dated her, one after the other (she went out with one, dumped him then went out with the other one). The two blokes even had a punch up at one point outside the local pub. Heated stuff. The bloke who supported West Ham and defected for the sake of having her thighs wrapped round his back, paraded himself  in a JVC shirt often without shame.

It's a bit like sh**ting yourself in public whilst wearing white trousers. You will never live it down. Nobody will forget the humiliation. The white trousers are bad enough, but the diarrhoea? It will define you forever. How could anyone look you in the eyes and take you seriously after something like that? You would automatically lose all credibility. For life. A few years later I spotted him back in a West Ham shirt. Pathetic.

You simply cannot disdain the fabric of football and the lack of its complexities relating to allegiances. It's quite simple. You choose your team and are bound to them for life. No get out clause. That's it.

As for me, I have an almost five (edit: almost eight now) month old baby daughter (I've managed to part name her after our beloved club - work it out yourselves) so getting her to follow the Spurs might be a difficult task if her mother pampers her with shopping trips, Jimmy Choos and Gucci handbags when she's old enough to succumb to the frivolous vanity driven past-times of womanhood. However, there is hope. When she was just two months old, she projectile vomited when Cesc Fabregas appeared on the tv during a Sky Sports News report. There's hope for my THFC family bloodline yet.

TTID.

Tottenham Hotspur White Hart Lane Survival Kit

Going to the Lane for another feast of swashbuckling football? Got your replica kit on and packed your Muller Rice? Don’t forget your pocket money for that pre-match burger and match day programme. Come on you Spurs! But if it’s your first time and you’re concerned you might not quite fit into the North London ambiance then don’t fret. This compact guide will make sure you’re up to speed on exactly how to blend into the multitude of white and blue inside the ground and then stand out as a genuine balls deep loyal Spurs supporter who goes to every game!

So a massive welcome to the survival kit that will guide you through the perfect WHL experience. Up the Spurs!

Arrival

Turn up ten minutes before kick-off and get yourself a cheeky bottle of beer to quench your thirst. Don’t worry about missing the opening exchanges, it takes time for both teams to settle and you can always catch the action on the various television sets available inside the stand or read a match report after the game and base your appraisals and criticisms on that (good idea is to Sky+ Match of the Day to make sure you have all the talking points covered for Monday at work).

Kick-off

When you get to your seat start singing. Don’t worry too much about having to learn countless chants before the game as there are only two songs to memorise. Follow what the other fans are doing by slowly singing with arms aloft and fingers dancing. If you’re in the South Stand make sure you participate in the in-game entertainment with the stewards. When they say sit, get your bum on the seat and the moment they walk on by you stand. Game lasts for a good 30 minutes. So with 15 minute left of the half get yourself down back into the stand for another beer and watch the reminder of the game on one of the television sets.

At any given moment inspire the team by singing ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’.

Half-time

Enjoy another beer and chat amongst mates. Wait until the second half kicks off then go to the toilet. There should be a massive queue, but that’s okay. Watch the game on one of the television sets as you wait. Then once inside the toilet area, if you’ve forgotten your cigarettes it’s no problem, just breathe in the air around you and exhale. Use one of the cubicles if you want to p*ss on the floor then get yourself another sneaky beer before returning to your seat.

Second-half

If you don’t know what’s going on in terms of performance, just make sure you shout abuse for any one of these players, even if they’re not playing: Jermaine Jenas, Peter Crouch, David Bentley, William Gallas, Robbie Keane. Other fans will know you know your football inside out and give you deserved respect with an accompanying nod and smile.

Inspire the team by singing ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’.

If we score, celebrate and tell everyone ‘I told you so’. If we concede use any one of these shouts to berate the goal:

“F*cking useless Jenas”*
“F*ck off Jenas”
“For fucks sake Jenas”
“JJ you’re sh*t”

*replace Jenas with one of the aforementioned players, i.e. Bentley, Keane to suit the occasion.

If there is no goal mouth action or if there is a lull in the game, make sure you keep yourself interested by shouting out :

“F*cking useless Jenas”*
“F*ck off Jenas”
“For fucks sake Jenas”
“JJ you’re sh*t”

Remember, it’s okay to slate a player and then celebrate when said player scores. They owe you. And it’s thanks to the abuse that they’ve reacted positively.

Inspire the team by singing ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’.

Full-time

If  we fail to win this means it’s the managers fault due to lack of movement on bench/shouting/substitutions and he’s therefore not good enough. Cite Martin Jol.

When the final whistle has actually blown make sure to confirm we’ve drawn or lost by listening to car radios as you walk down the High Road or by checking the BBC live reports via 3G on your smart-phone. If you’ve remained at or inside the ground use one of the following actions to illustrate your disapproval:

- Last season’s booklet season ticket + a book of matches. Light up the booklet then throw onto the pitch. Make sure to foam at mouth and tell everyone around you that Harry has to go and that Crouch is a donkey.

- String up an effigy and tell the stewards ‘there used to be a football club here’.

- Reference the ‘dark days’ and say the club is going backwards and the sooner Harry is out the better.

- Boo at the referee but with the knowledge that it will kill two cockerels with one stone by also being interpreted as a boo for the players trudging off the pitch. Which they deserve if there has been a failure to capture the three points, what with you paying £50 for ninety minutes of depressive one dimensional football. They're not paid 40k a week to disappoint and experience blips. It's outrageous. Throw your wallet at a steward who asks you to calm down and inform him 'There you go, this club has bled me dry and has given me nothing back, I have nothing now'. Tell the officer leading you away he's a protector of the fascist bourgeoisie that want to replace true fans with neutral families who dislike a bit of a passion and colourful language and strong tribal instinctive reactions.

Remember, if you are seated in the West Stand under stadium regulations, you must leave at the 80 minute mark. Fans in other parts of the ground should stand within a metre of the exits watching the closing minutes of the game on the tv sets allowing for a quick getaway in order to claim a choice seat on the bus/train/tube home. If a goal is scored, run back in the direction of the stand and join in. If you’re urinating at the time, make sure you celebrate but remember – if there are others standing by your side at the urinals, do not cross the streams.

Post-game

Draw up a mental list of replacement managers and new players and start planning your on-line rant for when you hit the forums cursing the lack of ingenuity from the team, unless we won the game where in this case you should reference the top 4 and how great we are and that we will finish in a CL position again.

COYS.