How to destroy Tottenham Hotspur

Meeting Room 666


Death - Settle down people.

<ring tone is playing 'California Gurls' by Katy Perry>

Pestilence - Sorry, I'll stick it on silent.

Death - War, please take the minutes. Famine, if you can run through the PowerPoint slides please.

Famine - As you can see from this graph we've maintained some consistency with productivity post-February. Every interjection was arguably a success.

War - Can you elaborate?

Famine - Sure. The England debacle. Chris Foy. Distracting Jermain Defoe with the laser pen at Eastlands. The capitulation at the Emirates. The phantom goal at Wembley. The dithering at Villa away. We have done everything in our power to dismantle Tottenham's season. We wiped away the ten point gap and yet here we are. One game left in the Premier League and they might still capture 3rd spot. And if they don't, there's still the question of the Champions League final to decide their fate. If we don't achieve our goals then our mid-year review will affect our overall bonus percentage and budget.

Pestilence - Budget?

Famine - Yes. We'll have to cut back on free fruit in the lounge area.

War - Ha.

Famine - Ha what? What is it? What do you have to say?

War - Just saying.

Famine - Just saying what? Go on then, say it. Your smug smile isn't painting us a complete picture of whatever it is that amuses you so much.

War - Well, firstly, you're using Comic Sans font for a PowerPoint presentation? Really? It's hardly the most professional of choices. And no matter how many swirly little animations you stick in there, no one is impressed with that ****, it's cheap and it's gimmicky. Secondly, this would not have happened if Harry Redknapp wasn't appointed in the first place. I warned you all. I told you to best leave it alone let, it fester, but you just had to hammer that final nail into the coffin.

Death - At the time it was the most appropriate thing to do. Spurs were bottom of the league and making sure Redknapp got the job was to consolidate their position, relegate them not save them. Nobody thought he'd save them.

War - Yeah, but he did. He did save them. They've been going in the wrong direction ever since.

<Door to meeting room opens>

Grim Reaper - Hello. Oh sorry, this isn't the yoga class is it?

Pestilence - Two rooms down the hallway to your left.

Grim Reaper - Cheers dude.

<Door closes>

Faminie - Akwaaaaaard.

Death - Lazy personification. I thought that wacko transferred out of here last month?

Faminie - Nah. He's banging the chick from HR. Have you seen his scythe recently? Rust covered.

War - Is the chick Betty?

Faminie - Yeah.

War - Daaaamn. Wouldn't mind tapping that. Her rack is majestic. I could declare nuclear war on those ti...<interrupted>

Death - Okay thanks, can we get back to the little matter of Tottenham please? So, let's agree the past is the past. What now? There are three games left, one involving Spurs, one involving Arsenal and then there's the game with Chelsea. What do we do to settle this? This project has to be done and dusted within a week and closed off until after the summer. We have to be decisive, we have to be ruthless. Brain storm people, conceptualise please. We've got ten minutes to wrap this up.

Pestilence - I'm thinking Italian again. Perhaps a spaghetti with meatballs dish or a vegetable Risotto?

Death - No. Won't work. They're at home to Fulham. No hotel.

War - I can visit Luka Modric on the eve of the game disguised as his football agent. A transfer request might do the trick.

Death - That's booked in for after the Euros. We've got a gentlemens agreement with the Daily Mail to break that story then.

War - The Daily Mail again? They make my skin crawl.

<Door to meeting room opens>

Dracula - Yoga class?

Death - Nope. Further down on your left.

Dracula - Thanks.

<Door closes>

Famine - How about Jermaine Jenas?

Death - He's injured.

Famine - I can un-injury him.

Death - There's a difference? The fifth horseman is better kept in sleeper mode.

Pestilence - Seriously, you need to taste this vegetable Risotto. Taste it and it will make you bleed worms out of every pore in your body.

Famine - Enough about the Risotto already!

Pestilence - Hey, it's not my fault you've been on the Atkins for two thousand years. I keep telling you to try that milkshake diet, but do you listen? No.

Famine - Don't judge me.

Death - I think you look good.

Famine - Thanks. What about this suit? Does my bum look big in it?

Death - You could turn a waterfall into a dessert with those hips.

<Door to meeting room opens>

Santa Claus - Hello, I'm looking for...

Pestilence - Down the hall way.

Santa Claus - Thank you kind sir.

<Door closes>

War - Nice chap. Him and Rasputin make a mean badminton pair. Any ways, moving on, maybe we shouldn't bother doing anything.

Pestilence - What?

War - Let's not do a single thing with Tottenham themselves. Let's think outside of the box.

Death - Explain more.

War - No matter what we try, it doesn't do enough to kill them off. They're still biting away at the ankles of success. So, what if we don't do anything to them.

Pestilence - Not sure I see the pragmatism in that.

Famine - I think I understand. We let them balls it up on their own?

War - No, no. These are not the glory years of the mid-90s to early 2000s. I'm saying that their destiny is elsewhere. Control their destiny, we control them.

Death - We've always had direct interference with this lot. Ever since we took on the contract. Remember the Holsten shirts in the 87 Cup Final? My work.

Famine - So we do what then?

War - Leave it to me. I'll make sure we're all swinging on hammocks this summer with Pimms in hand.

Pestilence - Where are you going?

War - I need to go get approval for company travel. I'll keep you all posted.

The summer of 2004

<Ding dong>

<door opens>

Marton Fulop - Hello.

War - Hey. How you doing buddy? Need a moment of your time.

Marton Fulop - You're not selling double glazing are you?

War - Ha, ha, no. What would you say if I told you I could change your life?

Marton Fulop - I'd be sceptical.

War - I'll make you an offer you can't refuse.

Marton Fulop - What did you say your name was?

War - Damien. Damien Comolli. I'll like to sign you for Tottenham. This will be the greatest and most important decision in your life.

WBA v Arsenal, last game of the season, 2012 season

Marton Fulop - Twelve clubs. Twelve flipping clubs. None to call home. What has my career amounted to? This. Deputising again. I'm going to be released after this game. Why do I even bother?

<Goal Arsenal>

Marton Fulop - Ooh look it's the ball, who cares. La la la la la.

<Goal Arsenal>

Marton Fulop - Why did I ever come to England? Christ, I'm bored. Why do these idiots keep running towards me? Leave me alone, I want to be left alone.

<Goal Arsenal>

Facetime conversation

Death - Nice work on the WBA game.

War - Thanks.

Death - How was Ben Foster handled?

War - Contractor.

Death - You going to Munich?

War - Don't have to.

Death - You don't?

War - Derren Brown is a good friend of mine.

Death - He is?

War - We frequent the same wine bar. He owed me a favour.

Death - And this favour is?

War -  Done. When it kicks in, Tottenham's dream will be over.

Death - Great, great. We'll catch up on Sunday. I've got to go. Got Steve Kean on the other line. It's going to be a difficult call, he wants to know if we've got any alternative jobs going. The bloke won't leave me alone. Seriously, his face around here? It just wouldn't fit in.

War - I'm with you, his face looks like death warmed...er...er...*cough*

Death - Warmed up? I look nothing like him! Jesus Christ, all this money spent on botox and still nobody ever says 'hey, hi, wow, you look great, you had some work done recently?' I'm a good looking bloke, damn it!

War - I think my wi-fi connection is about to go down. There it is. It's gone.

Champions League Final. Bayern Munich dressing room. Pre-match.

Jupp Heynckes - Okay, quiet down, quiet down. We need to focus, play our game and...and...my head...feels strange...yes, so we play our game...and...and...

Robben - You okay boss?

Jupp Heynckes - I...I...yes. Fine.

Robben - Boss?

Jupp Heynckes - I...I...I'm fine. Right then. Now...let's get out there and run around a bit and kick the ball, alright? Triffic. I want the midfielders to midfield and the wingers, you can wing it but if you want to roam you can roam. You lot, whatchamycallits, defenders, right? You lot play at the back and the strikers, I want you to score goals. Get up there, get in there and aim for the sticks. Lovely stuff. Win this and we're in the Champions League next season.

Robben - You sure you okay boss?

Jupp Heynckes - Yeah, just need to stick a tenner on a gee gee at Newmarket and I'll be sorted. Now get out there and do 'em proper. This is as good as you've ever had it. Up the Spurs !

<Jupp places arms around Robben>

Jupp Heynckes - Now then...

Robben - Yes boss?

Jupp Heynckes - If we get any penalties I want you to take 'em. Don't get nervous. Just think to yourself, what would my Sandra do?

N17, White Hart Lane, The chairman's office

Daniel Levy - Another glass?

Harry Redknapp - Pour away.

Daniel Levy - It's a vintage year this.

Harry Redknapp - The bottle or the season?

<laughter from both>

Harry Redknapp - Happy St Totteringham's day.

Daniel Levy - It's getting more difficult to achieve with each passing year.

Harry Redknapp - So what's the plan for the next one? Do you want me to pull the same stunt again?  You do know it's far more difficult to lose ten points than it is to gain them? A lot of work goes into botching things up.

Daniel Levy - You've done a sterling job Harry. I know I've said it a dozen times but the Gareth Bale free roaming thing? Genius, just genius.

Harry Redknapp - Triffic isn't it? Thought of it on the bog. Risky though. I mean, there was so much I could do and had Chelsea lost to Bayern...

Daniel Levy - I know, I know. We appear to have been blessed with luck. A substantial amount of it. It's almost like someone or something is...I don't know, it's like the Gods are on our side. Olive?

Harry Redknapp - Don't mind if I do. So, next season? You still want the same type of thing?

Daniel Levy - We'll see. Luka will be sold soon. I'll give you £3M tops from the transfer earnings for new players to be signed on loan, aged between 33-37. And to further retain the lack of long term stability on the pitch and to have a ready made excuse again for when it all goes belly up, allow me to introduce to you our new summer transfer window signing...You can come in now...

Joey Barton - Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day. Oh, wherever he has gone, I have gone...

Harry Redknapp - Should I give him the captains armband now or later?

Previous chapters:

The Four Horsemen of the Spurcalypse

We're going to remove Harry Redknapp once and for all

We're going to remove Harry Redknapp once and for all

 

Conference room 23.

Famine - I'm struggling with the character development of Alfie in Eastenders. I don't get why he persists with Kat and her flaky antics.

Pestilence - Sorry what? Eastenders? Don't watch it. I'm more a TOWIE man myself.

War - Great. So whilst you two are busy watching tv I'm getting my arse handed to me on Call of Duty. You two do understand the concept of a clan, right?

Death - Can we settle down please? I'll be taking the minutes.

Pestilence - Do we need to refer to the previous agenda?

Death - No, no. This is an emergency meeting to discuss the Tottenham Hotspur situation. Gentleman, I'm afraid its all gone a little pear-shaped. Famine, take the floor please.

Famine - Yes, well if you would all look towards this power-point presentation you'll see some quite horrific stats.

Pestilence - Is that a Mac book?

Famine - Yeah, it is.

Pestilence - I thought you had an iPad.

Famine - I do. But that's more for Angry Birds and music; David Guetta, Pitbull, One Direction...

Pestilence - Cool. I'm digging that Lana del Rey chick at the minute. Very brooding. What's that app that allows you to stream music?

Death - *cough* Can we please move onwards with the presentation gentleman.

Famine - Yes, so, what we have here is a rather disconcerting trend that shows Tottenham's continued progression under Harry Redknapp. Champions League, followed by 5th and now currently sitting in the top three of the Premier League.

Pestilence - Any chance we can get Jenas recalled?

Death - I'm afraid that's a no. Simply not possible. He's contract working at present.

Pestilence - Shame. I preferred it when we were the Fab Five. Good times, good times.

Famine - Concerning these stats, in terms of output, you'll see I've done us much as I can possibly do with Adebayor.

Death - Good work there, it's not gone unnoticed.

War - It's not deterred them though. He might not be scoring, but Tottenham hardly ever lose games.

Famine - Yeah, well...we all know why that's the case, don't we?

War - What?

Famine - Nothing.

War - No go on, put down those Jaffa Cakes for a minute and just let it all go. You obviously want to say something.

Famine - Just that if it wasn't for you dropping the ball in the summer we wouldn't have the difficulties we currently have.

Pestilence - Here we go again...

War - What difficulties exactly?

Famine - Look, all I'm saying is, I did my job within the structured time-lines outlined in the business case submitted prior to season 2012. I meet all my objectives.

War - What and I didn't?

Famine - Sorry, someone please confirm to me. Does Luka Modric play for Chelsea? Is Scott Parker rubbish?

War - Come on, I stirred up enough in the summer. I went above and beyond my remit. Try working with the Daily Mail before you get all high and mighty about meeting objectives. I pulled all the strings I could get my hands on to engineer a move. That Daniel Levy obviously has contacts high up.

Pestilence - Can I have a Jaffa Cake?

Famine - If you weren't so busy drinking with your mates instead of putting in the extra hours.

Pestilence - I'll just take one then...

War - Extra hours? I do over-time all the time. Have you seen my travel expenses? I'm a busy man and if I want a cheeky pint with John or Luis then that's my business. I'm allowed a social life.

Famine - Just admit you were distracted on this one.

War - I oversee a variety of work buddy. I don't get distracted. You keep plodding along with your nonsensical roadmap whilst the big boys do the big jobs.

Famine - You know what, screw you and by the way, what is that exactly?

War - What?

Famine - That.

War - It's a bow tie.

Famine - A bow tie?

War - Yes.

Famine - Jesus wept.

Pestilence - Where? What? Again?

Death - Can we get back to the main agenda please people.

War - There's nothing wrong with bow ties. I'll stick to fashion and corruption of man whilst you stick to overseeing the transfer window.

Famine - I've got two words for you: Nelsen. Saha.

Pestilence - Got to admit, that was a great touch.

Famine - Thank you.

War - Yes, yes. Okay. Whatever. They wanted gold and you gave them rust. Give yourself a medal.

Death - Enough! Please, everyone quiet down for a moment. It's obvious we have to be more decisive here. Long term implementations are not as fruitful as the forecast outlined and we are running out of time.

Pestilence - Guys, guys, hold up, hold up...this isn't good news. I've just checked my Twitter time-line.

Death - If it's Piers wanting his old job back, tell him he's got no chance. I've been made director.

Pestilence - No, no. It's...haha, laugh out loud!

Death - What?

Pestilence - Oh, no, its something else I've just seen. Someone just #FF me and it's Wednesday!

Famine - Laugh out loud!

Death - What was the first tweet.

Pestilence - Oh yeah, that. Redknapp has been found not guilty.

Death - What? How did this happen?

War - Why is everyone looking at me?

Pestilence - Did you not deal with the jury? You we're meant to deal with the jury.

War - That wasn't my task. Surely that's your responsibility?

Pestilence - Yes, normally, but you agreed to support me. You know I spend most of my time down at the Emirates these days.

War - Are you sure you had me pencilled in to cover you?

Pestilence - Mate, check you Outlook calender.

War - It's not there its...oh. It's there.

Famine - I rest my case. Amateur.

War - You know what, I've had enough of your BS. It's not my fault Outlook didn't pop up the calender reminder. How am I meant to know if I don't get the pop-up?

Pestilence - You have that problem too?

War - This laptop belonged to you before it was handed to me. IT gave me this when I lost my Blackberry in Acapulco just after you started working from home.

Pestilence - Doesn't look like they fixed it before handing it over. Acapulco?

War - They have nice beaches.

Famine - Textbook. This is exactly like the time when Inter were four nil up and you feel asleep. Remember what happened that night?

War - I was on a double-shift. I was tired. It was four flipping nil! And let's be honest here, that match was meant to be your responsibility.

Famine - I had the flu.

Death - SILENCE! I have to report into my direct line later. I need to take something into that meeting, something positive. Has anyone got any suggestions?

War - There is something we could do.

Death - Go on.

War - It's not strictly within company policy.

Pestilence - Oh God. You're going to suggest the locusts.

War - No.

Pestilence - Plague?

War - No, enough with the old skool.

Pestilence - We've got no budget left for the Biblical stuff anyway.

Famine - What then?

War - This will knock them for six. Devastate Tottenham Hotspur once and for all. Their season will spiral out of control in the aftermath and we can finally close this off.

Death - Go on...

War - We're going to remove Harry Redknapp from the Tottenham job once and for all.



Two weeks later.


Conference room 23.



Death - What happened?

Famine - This is monumental, it really is.

Pestilence - It's screwed up England though.

Famine - England are always screwed up. They don't need to be any more screwed up. Anyone can handle that account. We've got interns looking after it ffs.

Death - What happened?

War - What particular detail are we referencing?

Death - The detail concerning removing Harry Redknapp once and for all.

War - Oh that. Look, soz and all, but things happen, you know.

Famine - Things happen?

War - It's obviously Outlook again, this time it's that forsaken spell checker. Gone and corrected my spelling when it wasn't necessary. Got me all confused.

Famine - Spell checker? You're blaming spell checker?

War - Yeah. Blame the IT department too, they really need to look at upgrading. I mean really, Office 2003? Get with the times already.

Death - What happened?

War - I sort of removed the wrong person from Tottenham.



One week earlier.


The FA: Ladies and gentleman, the new manager of England...Kevin Bond.

-

Previous episode:

The Four Horsemen of the Spur Spurcalypse

The Four Horsemen of the Spurcalypse

Conference room 23...

Pestilence - It's going well, isn't it?

War - Yes. I've got the fickle ones booing already.

Famine - That's down to me that is. You lot are always trying to get credit for something I've done.

War - We're working together are we not? There's no 'I' in team.

Death - Now now children. We need to remain focused. The end is not quite in sight. Still a long way to go. We need to start pushing the envelope out. Together.

War - Can we get this meeting started. I've got a personal trainer session booked in for one.

Pestilence - Who's doing the minutes?

War - Not me, I did them last time.

Famine - Well don't look at me, I bought the Jaffa Cakes.

Death - I've got the agenda, so I'll do the minutes this week. First up, the problems at the back. Pestilence, everything on course I see.

Pestilence - Yes, we are seeing the effects of the foundations laid out early season. Inconsistent and patched up from one week to the next. Moments of lapses proving costly.

War - Woodgate still out?

Pestilence - Of course he is. When I do a job I do it right.

War - Shame you can't quite close the deal on King.

Pestilence - Does he play every week? No. So I'd say that's job done there too.

Famine - What about Gallas and Kaboul?

Pestilence - You like that combo, don't you?

War - It's clever. Outsourcing with the Gallas free transfer as part of the hired guns initiative. Sensational piece of work I have to admit.

Death - And the other areas of criticality?

Pestilence - Well, defence is erratic as discussed. I've also closed off the forward positions on the roadmap. Working on the midfield now. You'll have noted the work I've done on downsizing Gareth Bale by removing Lennon from the equation thus having him doubled up and frozen out of games.

War - Top bombing.

Death - Splendid, love how you've maximising our core competencies.

Famine - Hold up, you closed off the forward positions? Are you kidding me? The forward positions are closed because of the ongoing work I'm responsible for.

Pestilence - If It wasn't for me you'd have nothing to work on.

Famine - That's a fallacy. I've got to handle both the Crouch account and that Russian assignment.

Pestilence - Boo hoo, project manager of the year in da house, everyone give him a standing ovation, we've just found Alan Sugars new apprentice.

Famine - Now hold on a second…

Death - Focus people, please focus.

Pestilence - Yes, focus, is what I give one hundred percent of the time and the result is one of utmost quality. No Defoe and no summer striker signing. Resulting in dimensional hoofing of the ball.

Famine - Defoe, actually, is almost back.

Pestilence - Yes, almost being the key word. And you'll find I've left him with his offside deficiency and timed his comeback for the away game at the Emirates.

War - Is that a guesstimate?

Pestilence - No, no. Should be available for the NLD.

War - Coolio. Demoralised on his comeback. I like that.

Famine - What about Spurs being linked to Forlan.

Pestilence - Who has hardly scored since the World Cup. That's also my work.

Famine - And Suarez?

Pestilence - He plays in the Dutch league. I rest my case.

War - Thinking outside the box, love it.

Pestilence - Thanks. Multi-tasking, is what I do. Gotta make sure every angle is covered.

Death - Thanks Pestilence. Famine an update please.

Famine - Hardly any goals scored from the front-line, only two home wins in six because of the lack of said ball in back of net. Away form equally stagnated.

Death - And what work have you achieved to complete this?

Famine - Work?

Death - Yes, how have you gone about in terms of progressing development and implementation?

Famine - The strikers?

Death  - Yes.

Famine - Well it's Crouch and Pav.

Death - Okay. And?

Famine - I haven't bothered doing anything.

War - Genius.

Death - Laugh out loud.

Pestilence - You've done nothing? That's classic. And you still want the credit?

Famine - Yes, I've done nothing. And yet by doing nothing, I've achieved my goal. Hence, credit all mine.  Why is this so difficult to fathom? Have you even seen the two of them play?

War - Good point that.

Pestilence - Crouch scores goals.

Famine - In Europe. That isn't our department, that's the work of those God boy geeks on floor nine. And if he does happen to score in the league or assist its because of all that hoofing of the ball you keep implementing.

Pestilence - What do you expect me to do? Keep it on the floor? Hoofing is far more detrimental to...

Death - Okay, okay, let's not get side tracked. Excellent update Famine. And War?

War - Got a couple of players moaning due to lack of games. Agent Gallas is causing a few arguments within the fan base thanks to his uninspiring performances and the anti-Harry brigade is growing stronger by the day, especially in the Blogosphere and online forums. And let's not forget the booing. Got banners planned for future games. How does 'We want our Tottenham back' sound?

Death - I like it.

Famine - Anti-Harry brigade on the internet? Yeah, cause people really pay attention to all those loopy online communities and bloggers.

War - Also Redknapp slagging off the fans in a post-match interview saying they do not appreciate what they have. I know, I know, I got a little carried away, a little self-indulgent with the touch of sarcasm but, what the hell, why not, hey?

Death - Excellent, excellent. Signature work. I thought it was marvellous. Okay, my turn now. I can confirm that on current form we are on course for death of CL qualification via top four placement for next season. Launch date…sorry, death date at the moment is pencilled in for late January. But its just a provisional date and tbh I'd prefer to see us achieve this just after Christmas. We need more in terms of fragmentation of opinion and below par performances so can we perhaps see more granularity in planning? I'm also thinking we need more of Bentley. Thoughts?

Pestilence - I can try my best with Bentley.

Death - Anyone care to conceptualise?

Famine - Get a skip onto the pitch. Or have a Sky Sports News reporter with a mic on the touchline, Bentley might start star jumping mid game.

War - That's not a bad idea, but to be honest, is there any point? He can't go past a man. He can't even ever go around a lamp post.

Death - Perfect then.

Pestilence - I worry that by introducing more of Bentley we are cannibalizing other squad players.

Death - Let's review again next week. What you need to concentrate on is weakening the strong elements of the midfield. Want to see a PowerPoint next meeting covering off how we can do so. I want the midfield disjointed like the defence and forward positions. The Webb formula in the last Excel document worked a treat by the way.

War - Nice touch with the Cattermole filter.

Pestilence - Cheers mate.

Death - Defence and forward positions are struggling as planned, however we need to run a report on our next likely target.

Famine - Wilson Palacios?

Pestilence - He's already been ticked off from the check-list.

Famine - Jenas?

Death - What does Jenas do exactly?

<silence>

<laughter>

Death - <still laughing> Let's leave the fifth horseman out of this.

Pestilence - Anyone know if he's due to return anytime soon?

Death - Not sure. It's his decision to do contract work. Good money in contracting. So, any ways, next likely target?

War - van der Vaart surely?

Death - That's achievable. It's almost Christmas, can we have him tapped up perhaps? And more 'he's the best left-winger in the world' hype for Bale, the more he gets the bigger the weight on his shoulder and the bigger the impact on his level of performance. It's what now? Four league games without a win? Just over twenty games to go before we exceed the previous hoodoo tally.

Famine - Well if someone wasn't slack with the hoodoo the first time round we wouldn't have the problem we currently have with Bale and he'd be out on loan at Forest rotting away.

Pestilence - Stop blamestorming. The calendar reminder in Outlook didn't work okay? I apologised at the time, wasn't that enough for you?

Famine - Slack.

Pestilence - Slack? I'll tell you what's slack - you. Famine? If it was a famine then van der Vaart wouldn't be scoring goals every time he plays at the Lane.

Famine - He used his arm. It was handball ffs. What am I meant to do with those types of variables? Can you not give him leprosy or something?

Pestilence - Excuses, excuses.

War - Probably my fault that, what with the O.C.W.S.S.B.A.W.

Death - The what?

War - The Ongoing Conspiracy Work Stack Supported By Clattenberg And Webb. Bit of a cross-over what with ignoring handball incidents.

Death - Of course, I knew that. Okay, great work team. I'm holding another conference call this afternoon to talk about the agenda for tomorrows conference call that covers off the workshop on Friday where we discuss how best to discuss work loads in conference calls.

Famine - Anyone want a Jaffa Cake?