Daniel Levy ready to seduce the devil

It was always going to happen. With the new stadium development in full swing, the club are fluttering their eyelashes at the corporate potential a new ground posesses, which financially (it would seem) is impossible for them to ignore.

Welcome Tarquin. I hope you enjoy your stay. Make sure you visit the club shop.

If you’re a member/season ticket holder you’ll have received a survey asking for your valued opinions relating to a lavish VIP area that will consist of all things non-football. You know, like wi-fi and padded chairs. And the hook? Long-term purchase of seats. 10 year ownership. The bane of the Emirates.

Welcome to the Tottenham Hotspur Founder seats. American Express Platinum at the ready.

Initially I actually thought it would be some sort of scheme for the common man to hold onto their seats for a decade. But then what common man could possibly afford forking out for these exclusive cinemaesque thrones? I guess just the common man turned self-made millionaire who wouldn’t blink at writing out a 20k cheque for the privilege of a few hours of luxury with around 90 minutes of football thrown in somewhere in the middle, if they’re actually interested in the football. With a free subscription to What Prawn? magazine they maybe otherwise engaged.

The stereotype alarm is ringing in my ears. Yes, rich people can enjoy football too, but its best enjoyed from a normal seat with minimum distractions. Anyone willing to sit on a corporate balcony with a waitress serving ribs is quite obviously missing the point. But there’s tragically a market for this type of thing. Football is no longer about just the common man with his plastic bottle of beer and pie in hand. It’s an entertainment industry and the plans Levy and co have is the next logical progression from the almost low-key in comparison, executive box. Bigger stadium, bigger scope. Plastics bottles replaced with plastic fans.

I don’t want to appear to be repeating the same things that you may have already read on the subject (NorthLondonPride has more or less hit the same nail on the head) so apologies if I appear to be echoing the obvious sentiments.

(Levy you can) Cater for this minority if you so wish if it helps pay the bills but do try to wash away the getting into bed with the devil ethics of giving them the benefits of priority applications to cup and away games. Not that I could possibly imagine any of them socialising with the Park Lane boys on a trip to Stoke. But still. Loyalty should be served up to the ones who have been here all their lives. Hopefully the survey results will be positive in our favour. Best to find another way of paying the bills.

So far all the development plans have been spot on. Crowd nearer to the pitch than other newly built stadiums is a nice touch for bread and butter supporters. Why would I possibly need a leather cushioned seat with extended leg room and pre-match hot buffet when a cheeky burger will do while I stand up for the whole game singing at full pelt? But the problem is, such a seat is not meant for the likes of me.

Founder members wall plaque that will be displayed publically? How about a statue of Sir Bill Nicholson? A wall full of Tarquins is vanity driven drivel. Although the ‘meet the chairman’ event isn’t something I would dismiss out of hand. Although the court order would.

I guess the question, to avoid an Emirates/Wembley style lack of atmosphere, is just how many of these Founder Seats are the club going to make available? If it remains a very small minority that isn’t detrimental to the rest of the ground, then I probably won’t bat an eyelid. Let alone flutter one.

Looking forward to the update on the survey results.

Don't believe the hype

Hype. It’s a wonderful thing. Grow some moody facial hair on it and it practically begs for attention. I’m not dismissing Theo Walcott’s talent. But let’s not kid ourselves. If he played for anyone other than Arsenal, he wouldn’t be flirting so much with the England first team. Is he any better than SWP at the best of times?

There’s no doubting his pace. Electrifying. But thanks to Wenger and his undeniable ability of turning players into insufferable ****, Theo already thinks he is some type of Henry-Lite prototype. Blame David Dein’s octopus arms and Sven's acceptance resulting with the kids unwarranted inclusion in the World Cup squad in 2006.

Since then we've had three goals away to Croatia which has only added to the expectations a country has for one of their players.

Shame our Aaron is recovering at the moment because even the stats tell us there’s no doubting our shaved eyebrow wing wizard is currently ahead of his Woolwich counterpart in a claim for the spot on the right-wing for the Three Lions. Aaron has actually matured this season. We all know he has some fine-tuning to work on with decision making and finishing, but he’s no longer a kid with boots made out of greased lightning. He’s a young man who has proved his worth through determination and hard work and belief. With greased lightning boots.

Consistency the key.

Proving tricky writing this article and playing a violin at the same time. But that’s me. Multi-skilled. Much like our Player of the Year. Our Aaron has claimed more assists. More cross completions. May not have had as many shots on goal but gets more on target. Far more. And thus scores more for the effort.

Oh but Theo was injured and out of action for a while. Well that’s dandy. Aaron spent last year drowning in his own hype from the year before. Unable to keep his head above the water of expectation. He’s not quite walking on it yet. He’s on a jet-ski. Which is good enough. Theo is somewhat behind. Sat in a canoe with Wenger barking frenzied instructions. Most of which relate to avoiding international duty which Theo chooses to ignore.

The point is, for all the superlatives and the repeated footage of a run that’s akin to something Lennon does all the time is not a purposeful testament to progression. In fact he hasn’t stepped it up quite yet, but who cares as long as he’s with his pretty girlfriend and surrounded by sound-bites about the heir to the throne Thierry left behind. Enough with the poses and the arrogant swagger. It's positively boring.

Not that I want him to play well for Arsenal, but I guess he has to if he's going to be an integral part of the England squad.

Maybe it’s more subtle and people outside of the Emirates can’t quite grasp the improvement he’s made. I welcome any Arsenal input over this. To me he just appears to be inconsistent. Bursts of buzzing energy and then very little. Much like the Lennon of two years ago. Some gooner mates agree with me. Others don't and simply cite the injury as the reason for his stop-start form.

Last time out, our lad ended up believing the hype and paid the price for it. If Aaron has to continue to develop his game in the shadows whilst Walcott gets all the media attention then so be it.

Club before country.

i-Zoko for sale, battery life good, playback erratic

You've purchased a brand new mp3 player. You had it imported from abroad. Cost you a packet too. But you had no choice having had your previous model nicked. Your new player might not be a known brand over here in the UK but its likely to make a name for its self based on reviews you read.

It's sturdy, no flashy gimmicks and does exactly what it says on the box. Or at least that's what you hoped when you removed all the bubble wrap and packaging. The reality was altogether a little disappointing.

Instructions state that it needs a decent battery charge before inital playback and that the more times it's used the better the quailty gets. And battery life is decent, but the device fails to improve with usage. In fact, it gets worse, none of it aided by the low intelligence of the application.

It has no problem switching on and off, but the shuffle hardly works and most times it takes more than one touch to get anything to work. When selecting fast-forward the player doesn't stop. The search option is non-responsive and when you think you've found one thing you end up with something different. It also struggles with varying formats.

But worst of all the player spends most of the time jumping up and down after prolonged periods of playback.

You find yourself gutted that you've spent £80 on something that isn't up to the job. So your only option is eBay. Except nobody is interested in buying a second-hand player with clumsy playability for the same amount of money you bought it for.

Knock off a few quid.

£40 should get you one or two interested buyers. You might even manage to sell it to someone outside of the UK where they still rate this particular player highly. I hear it's very popular in Spain.

Talking of which, Didier Zokora is looking for clarification on his future with Sevilla sniffing for his signature. Don't think he has a future with us so best we look to off-load him and stick the money in the transfer pot.

No need for eBay. Just accept he isn't worth the transfer fee we originally paid for him and move on.

How Ruud will Harry be?

With Huntelaar, Higuaín and Negredo - 'van Gol' is surplus to requirements at Real Madrid, even though prior to his injury he was outstanding. You wonder why they wouldn't want to retain the services of one of the best goal-scorers in world football. A goal-scorer that won them La Liga back in '07.

All round play is superb. Holds the ball up well. Can head it. Can goal-poach. Can team play. We all know just how good he is. Whether it was at United or for the White Storm. The reason for the cheap fee is his age (32) and the fact he is set to return from knee surgery again.

Raul it seems is untouchable, which is good news for us. Or anyone else that might be looking for a cheeky bid.

It's not exactly one for the future, but may well be a shrewd effective signing. Davidsesque, but more even more effective on the pitch as well as off it. His presence would bring stability up-front. Whether he partners Keane or Defoe, you can see him fitting in with ease. And you can see him displaying a ruthless appetite in-front of goal. We’ve haven’t quite got back our mojo back since the Keane/Berba break-up last summer.

I won't be upset if this happens. No Spurs fan should be. With Modric pulling the strings and possibly another creative player added to the fold (whether it's on the left-hand side or down the middle) we may well be on a merry jolly in 2010.

But fitness wise, it's a risk. Then again £1.25M is not a lot compared to £16M which is what we usually spend this time of year. So apart from the hefty wage he'll still command, there is little risk. Or maybe there is?

But if he does get injured and Bent has been sold and Pav moved on, we are back to square one.

Although I'm making the assumption that Pav will be moved on. You get the feeling that Hiddink hit the nail on the head citing complacency as the real reason behind Romans average form so not sure how he will regain confidence if he has to sit on the bench for most of the season with the undroppable Keane and RvN upfront. And Harry might get back £10M or so from selling Pav leaving him with plenty of left-overs to use up on other signings. £1.25M is nothing in todays market.

We need four strikers cometh the start of the season. Four that will be willing to work as part of a squad (i.e. no crying when on the bench). So logically if RvN does sign then we’ll start the season with him, Keane, Defoe and Obika. Logically? I did say assumption earlier so let's see how much influence Pav's agent has in the matter and whether Harry really does need to raise those funds.

Conundrum time then for Two Points Eight Games Redknapp. If he’s still manager of Spurs of course. What, you’ve not heard? Milan Mandaric apparently has sent out an army of pigeons to drop off  invitations requesting Harry's return to his spiritual home of Fratton Park. He's got the key to the city you know. We are doomed.

Jesus wept.

Stay tuned for tomorrows exclusive headline: SPURS TO RE-SIGN GARY DOHERTY.

It’s time for the Ginger Pele to come home. Start believing.

Tabloid exclusive: 'Germany invades Poland' - How Ruud

It’s Sunday which means regurgitated transfer news is once more vomited from the mouths of the media as we choke on yesterday’s food for thought. It's like Groundhog day with carrort chunks.

Apparently Harry is having a clear-out. No seriously, he is. Let’s disregard the fact that all clubs have clear-outs of varying magnitude from one season to the next or that Harry inherited a squad of players and that he is quite obviously not going to hold onto any deadwood because there’s no logical point to it as he wants to build a team of his own doing.

We’ve heard this gem about five times already since the end of the season. Along with the ones about Cisse, Santa Cruz and Gio. It’s almost like the journalists and editors of newspapers have some type of memory disorder, re-printing the same garbage week in and week out with complete impunity to criticism. And yet I can clearly see the irony of my good self once more shaking my fist vigorously towards them with blog article attack at the ready as I repeat my complaint.

The cycle can only be broken with an actual player signing for us.

Gio hasn’t impressed and doesn’t appear to have any future with us. Linking him away from the club is the most direct cause of action his agent can take but at least this time the rumours are being printed in Spain so we may see him escape back to La Liga. I'm sure he won't miss the English nightclubs.

Ruud van Nistleroy is being linked in a £1.25M bid. I think this one is brand spanking new (although we were linked a year or so back).

Another rumour that’s been knocking around for a few days relates to Paul Robinson returning to WHL.

Seriously, what next? A dead parrot?

Richard Dunne done the rounds back in January and I’m not alone in thinking this is would be a sideways signing.

But along with Ruud, you can see Harry doing some triffic bit of business with these two ‘experienced Premiership’ players, adding a bit of steel to the squad. Even though Ruud is likely to suffer from injury quirks and Dunne is no better than what we’ve got.

Ashley Young is a right-winger who players left-wing for Villa (I think he's naturally right-footed but please do correct me if I'm wrong) and a former target who we turned down the chance of signing first time round due to the excessive £7M (or whatever it was) fee. Back in again according to the red-tops for £8M + Bentley in the opposite direction. Chelsea the other interested club.

And did someone say Joe Cole?

I’m waiting for the Downing rumours to re-emerge (more so than they did last week with the story that Boro were finally willing to let him go) and conclude with an undisclosed fee to Spurs thanks to his broken bone.

Petrov and Babel are two former targets and tabloid favs of the transfer grapevine which will no doubt do the rounds (keep track and you’ll notice there’s a rota).

Young won’t join and I hope he doesn’t as I’m not convinced he’s half as good as people think he is. He’s decent but we can do better, unless we can’t, but even if we can’t he won’t come to us. He’ll want to step up to a Top 4 club. Which is ironic as he isn’t Top 4 quality. Which would then make him perfect for us.

And breathe.

Neither will Cole join – who I think was linked via the message boards. Not sure the press have picked up on this one quite yet. I doubt we’ll go anywhere near Santa Cruz (just not worth the transfer fee being quoted) and Cisse to Spurs is pure fantasy.

Robinson? Amazing journalism there. Someone got paid for that. They actually got paid sterling. No dis-respect to Robbo who was a personal fav of mine during his time at WHL, but he signed a long term contract at Spurs and then fluffed it along with the ball in practically every game. Shocking lack of management and loyalty saw him get worse and never better and eventually sold to Rovers. We then spend £9M on a replacement. Now, having him return while the replacement is sold on would quite simply be the most comical clusterf*ck ever. Let's be done with it and just re-sign Ian Walker.

Which then leaves us with Ruud. He has the pedigree but like I said, does have injury issues. He’s been out for ages at Madrid. But his form prior to that was ridiculously good. For £1.25M I’d snap him up. But then, how do I know this isn’t just another Sunday daydream from a monkey with a typewriter?

Once more, I turn to my precious bottle of twenty-three year old rum and search for the answer at the bottom of it.

Should footballers be compared to a postman, mechanic or office worker?

Ok, this is going to be shortish and sweet. Drunk, tired and emotional so I'll probably read this back tomorrow and wonder what the hell I was jabbering on about.

Question: Should footballers be compared to a postman, mechanic or office worker?

If you work for a company and another firm comes along and headhunts you, offering a bumper pay rise to join their venture (which might also include the odd trip to the continent) you'd probably take the job.

More money = better quality of life.

There's no doubt this applies in modern day football, you'd be naive to think otherwise. But it's not the same thing and in some circumstances players turn their heads away from a true challenge and follow the money even if the true challenge still offers an amazing wage and far more prestige.

That happens back in real life too, but with the greatest respect to any football writer who seems to think its fine for players to do this because the ordinary man in the street would do the same thing, the reason why its ok for a postman or a mechanic to leave their work place for the opportunity of earning more money elsewhere is because they're not on that much to start with.

Some people would much prefer not to work at all. It's not like work for most is the highlight of their day. Its an unavoidable inconvenience. It's not rock'n'roll. It's a job, 9 to 5, bane of our lives. And if we exel we might earn a promotion but if we can't go any further in the company hierarchy we look to move on to another work place so we can progress further and earn more money.

But an average footballer, even the ones in the lower leagues, bring home thousands per week and drive around in plush sports cars. These are the ones you might laugh at for being shit or journeymen. Professionals that are not on top of their game. Bit like a postman who fails to deliver all his letters.

I'm not saying players shouldn't strive to get the most out of a billion-pound industry and maybe I'm the one being naive in thinking that there is still an ounce of loyalty left out there, a little slice of romance, in that us fans - the true bread and butter of this great game - are at times the only ones who truly love the game for what it its meant to be loved for. The football.

And the players, the lucky sonsofbitches who get to wear shirts with badges we worship become more and more detached with the bloke in the stands. You know, the postmen and mechanics and office workers who give up their Saturday afternoon to go through emotional upheavel as they cheer on their team. Because for us we don't have the luxury of ridiculous wages to comfort us in defeat.

Seriously, 100K per week? Do they even know how lucky and blessed they are? They play football for a sodding living, ffs.

As a fan, if someone came along and offered you 200K to change your team loyalty you wouldn't do it, would you? Would a Newcastle fan change his allegiance to Sunderland? Would I change my team from Tottenham to Arsenal? Of course not. I'd rather chop my balls off and watch rats feast on them (I have big balls) than have anything to do with them lot.

There is so much money in the game that whilst fans chase the dream, the players chase signing-on fees. I know what you're going to say. It's still their livelihood. One that involves playing football. No Microsoft Office or spanners or mailbags. Kicking a ball and being idolised. Their careers don't last for that long in some cases. Their form might dip or they might suffer a career-threatening injury. So money is important. If football generates millions then they deserve to earn a fair percentage of it.

But that's not the crux of it, is it?

Football is a religion to most who follow it. It just feels that we're giving all our money to tv evangelists who don't care about anything other than their fat wallets and getting their leg over (Yes I know this is a broad stereotype and doesn't apply to all).

Without us the game wouldn't exist and there are still plenty of millionaire footballers out there who do care as much as the fans do. But the culture of money and greed is one that is slowly eating away at the game.

And with the FA (39th game) and billionaire owners and football agents it's not something we can stop.

So, to answer my question - if I suddenly handed in my notice at work my work colleagues would be happy for me if I was moving onto a new job and doubling my wages. Even if it was a rival company. Our customers wouldn't give a toss about me moving on because they won't know I even exist. I'm looking after myself because I'm not accountable to anyone other than my family and my own good self.

I just don't see how this is comparable to millionaire footballers who move on for more millions.

Will Spurs 'mix it up' with the Top 4 next season?

Nice little article by Fox Sports with Harry Redknapp. Read it in it's entirety here. My commentry below relates to the sound-bites/quotes Harry made during the interview about the work required pre-season with signing new players and  the aim to push forward with some intent cometh next season.

"We'll be needing a few new faces around here, that's for sure"

"I know the spine of my team, the players I build it around every week, but I also know that there are several places I need to strengthen in, if I'm going to get this team challenging for proper honours"

Indeed. Centre-back, left-winger, central midfielder and a forward. And possibly another midfielder to cover Palacios. It's actually tricky to know who we plan to bring in as we don't quite know who will be sold.

Centre-back - We've got King, Woodgate and Dawson. We need another young quality defender as a long term Ledley replacement. I'm not keen on Corluka playing anywhere other than right-back.

Left-winger - We haven't had one of these for a while now. Again, it's dependent on whether Modric is set to remain out on the left and drift in. If he takes a role alongside Palacios then the money spent on a left-winger will have to be more substantial. Otherwise, a young up-and-coming player who is ok with a little bench warming might be the way to go.

Central-midfielder - Huddlestone and Zokora may well be on their way. The latter almost certain to go. If Hudd remains does he do so as cover for Wilson or cover for the position alongside him? Jenas played well with Palacios so he may well retain that role but the never-ending argument is that he is simply not consistent enough or bullish enough to be first choice. Which means we need someone with balls as big as our Honduran Panther with possibly a little more creative flair. Gareth Barryesque would do. Everton's Arteta is currently being linked, although something tells me this is agent talk so the player gets a nice new contract at Goodison Park. Unless they're skint, I can't see why they would want to sell. Whatever happens, this is the key to our success next season. We need a proper central midfield pairing, one that might not match Utd's or Liverpool's intensity over 38 games, but it's got to be able to compete comfortably with City, Everton and Villa.

Forward - Once we know where Bent and Pav's future lies then we'll know what type of player needs to be signed. JD and Keane will need a big strong more direct type of forward (but not the over-rated Jones or Cisse) or possibly a player of Berbatov's ilk. No pressure then. We also need to promote an academy player as a 4th choice option. This is the one key area that has me slightly concerned. We can not afford to make a mistake here. Not after the circus of last summers red-face disaster.

Stating the obvious with the above, and obvious is head-ache inducing.

As well as the team has progressed under Harry we still left lacking in certain positions. Simply put we are decent with what we have but only 6th place decent at the very best. Football is no longer a fair stage and competing with the Top 4 is becoming increasingly difficult thanks to the stepping-stone factor that we have experienced since Carrick left us for Utd. Signing players of that type of (potential) quality seems to be redundant if the team doesn't achieve instant success with them in it. There is no patience from the players. And too right some may argue because they know they can compete at the highest domestic level. The irony here is that how can we ever push on if they don't try to compete for that level with us? Constant re-building means that we are never out of transition.

So Harry and Levy have to be spot on with their signings. Otherwise, if we do falter again, then the likes of Modric and Palacios will start looking elsewhere for the silverware their agents will tell them they deserve.

Think of it like this. Look at Everton. They've held onto some of their star players for a while, but they will never be a Top 4 club because they can't attract Top 4 players. I don't mean this in a derogatory way because we are much the same in that we can't keep hold of Top 4 players we sign who then leave us to actually sign for a Top 4 club. So the only way (and I'm simplifying this) to break free is to actually get lucky and break up the monopoly the first time of asking if not the second.

Not easy is it? And while we re-build each season, the monopoly get stronger and stronger.

"I was looking at a player who'd come pretty well recommended to me recently. I flew to Italy to watch him in a game, but after ten minutes it was pretty clear that this was not a player I would want to sign. All the signs were wrong."

I like this. Because under the DoF that player would probably have been signed on the strength of Comolli or some random scout. Harry has bought some duffs in his career. Plenty in fact. But as Spurs are the biggest club he's ever managed (sorry Green Street, but its true) the pressure is a little more intense so I'm willing to bet we won't see any risk signings. Obviously, the Chimbonda fiasco remains the only hole in the wall of faith.

"I definitely have no regrets. This is a massive club. Great fans, plans for a new stadium and a properly run business. That's not to take away from Portsmouth or Southampton or West Ham. It's just that Tottenham was the logical next step for me and has been a massive challenge so far."

When asked where his next port of call will take him:

"No, no, Tottenham is the end of the road for me. It's a big setup here and I had to have a go, but when this is over, I'll move on and focus on other things."

For a media-loving sound-bite friendly football man, where better to strut and twitch your stuff than White Hart Lane? He'll never be offered a job at a Top 4 club (yes, I get the irony) so this is as good as it will get for him. And at least there's no chance of him doing a Judas and leaving to replace Wenger at Arsenal.

Think the pressure next season will be altogether something different. They'll be no-one to blame if we begin the season badly other than the man in the mirror. Hoping our pre-season is luke warm. God have mercy on our souls if we thrash Barcelona at Wembley 5-0.

"I don't pay much attention to what players do on the training pitch. It's a bit like the horses. They can look sensational at the gallops, but not perform on the day of the race."

I guess Harry just means that someone who trains brilliantly might bottle it on the pitch. Which is strange considering that Jenas is meant to be outstanding in training and bottles it on the pitch. Actually, I have no idea what Harry means with this particular statement.

"Like I say a couple of new faces here and there and I think we can really get in the mix. Of course I have to be realistic about what Man United, Liverpool, Chelsea and the others can do, but I believe we can get amongst them."

Best we can do is 5th. That will be the same agenda for Everton, Villa and City. Other clubs will also look to push towards those European places below the top 4. We can't afford another disaster and waste another year. We have to compete. Like I've said before, 4th spot is only a possibility if Arsenal (or whoever) shag it up. But its unlikely. But not impossible. But it would mean our form would have to be outstanding at home and tenacious away. And this will be the result of the summer months and the master plan laid out by Harry to the players.

That master plan should simply be this: Forget about the Top 4 (Utd, Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal). Just get ahead of the teams (Everton, Villa, City) that aspire to be there.

It really is stand up and be counted once and for all time.

The Stupendous Adventures of Bale and Bentley

Episode IV

Gareth: Did we make the right choice signing up for this?
David: Of course we did. You can't be regretting it now.
Gareth: I just don't see how this is helping.
David: You'll getting plenty of rest in here and time to recover from your op. What's there to complain about?
Gareth: I know but it's bloody boring.
David: Look we both need to get ourselves back into the spotlight and this is the only way. I've tried everything but Harry keeps ignoring me. But now I've got the opportunity to really shine, show everyone what I can do. And my skills can not be denied. Harry will have to start me in the first team after this.
Gareth: You spend most of the time combing your hair in front of the mirrors. And there's no guarantee Harry will be watching and if he was I'm not sure he'll be overly impressed, you know.
David: Yeah, but I've been doing keepy-ups with the oranges, staying fit. And last night I lobbed one into the bin from about 10 yards at an angle. Bound to get on Sky Sports News with that.
Gareth: Sit down for Gods sake, everyone's staring at you again.
David: (breathing heavily) And ten, and eleven, and twelve…starjumps.
Gareth: Sit down, it’s about to be announced...

THIS IS BIG BROTHER. THE HOUSEMATES UP FOR EVICTION THIS WEEK ARE.....IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER.....GARETH.....AND.....DAVID.....

Gareth: It's because of all the hairs in the shower, isn't it?
David: It's because we haven’t won a single task you've been involved in.
Gareth: One of us is going on Friday. I knew it was a mistake signing up for this.
David: This is BS. I'm telling you, its Harry Redknapp. Must be. He's the secret housemate in a secret room and he's manipulated the nominations to get me out. He's trying to ruin me.
Gareth: Surely he'd want to keep you in the BB house? And stop talking into the camera, I'm over here.
David: Maybe it's a fake eviction and the person voted 'out' gets to go to Liverpool?
Gareth: You're not right in the head.
David: Thirteen and fourteen and fifteen and sixteen starjumps…
Gareth: Seriously, I'm going to the diary room. I want to leave. This place is what a lock-in at Faces would be like. It's insufferable and full of cu...
David: (speaking at the other housemates) I know why you all voted for me. It's because of the other night when I stripped and run naked around the garden. It is, isn't it? Well you lot are all two-faced. Remember I told you.
Gareth: David, shut up! Look, the diary room door…it's opening…someone's coming through!
David: Oh my God! It must be a new housemate! It's a new housemate!

Dramatic pause.

Gareth: Oh this isn't good.
David: You have got to be f*cking kidding me.
Aaron: Hi everyone.

All Quiet on the Tottenham Front

Frazier Campbell has returned to Utd and the lad is already being linked with a move to Hull. Sunderland are looking at Darren Bent and there’s this rumour from a ‘you know who deep throat nudge nudge wink wink’ who is sharing info that out £14M Russian forward has handed in a transfer request. No doubt the tabloids will pick up on this and run with an exclusive in 3...2...1...

I'm bored.

I don’t know whether it’s the sudden realisation that we were never quite as interested in Gareth Barry as we were led to believe, which ironically included me taking Redknapp's comments at face value and then pretending not to take notice of some of the red top headlines who had us competing with City for his signature. A touch of hypocrisy. I preach that people shouldn't listen to the hype, yet part of me did and wanted to believe it. Just a little part. No, not that part. I'm talking percentages in the commodity of belief. About 2% if you're interested. It was a weak moment and I must repent. Barry has also repented it would seem. Bless him.

Regardless of all this it didn't quite get the juicies flowing. Not in a 'BRAZILAIN WONDERKID DIEGO TO SPURS' kinda way (remember that transfer saga and Pleat's antics?)

Nothing has got the juicies flowing since the season ended. But then it has only just ended. I guess for once we're not quite at the forefront of the tabloid backpages, with City and Chelsea dominating for the moment.

I don't mind us going about our business on the quiet, but this is Levy and it's Redknapp and I doubt it's going to be all hush hush. But then it's not a bad thing if all we get is dis-information and then suddenly from left-field we sign a left-winger, with no leaks pre-contract shared online or in the press. Out of the blue is the way to work it.

But then, that's no fun.

Maybe the people who follow ITK gossip have it right. It’s like crack. It’s addictive as hell and will probably destroy you in no time if you keep on taking it in. But boy, what a rush.

Damn it, I'm conflicted.

Currently, there are plenty of names mentioned but nothing overly attractive flattering its eyelids at Levy and his cheque book.

Even Corluka is whoring targets, citing Srna and Krancjar as players Harry is apparently keen on. Some fans are jumping on player quotes (‘I am available for a club who wishes to have me’) and hoping, wishing Spurs take note. Carvalho anyone?

2+2=4? Nope not really. It's more Fibonacci sequence. Ain't got a sodding clue.

Elsewhere, there is still no indication whether Mansion is staying on as our sponsor or what the new kit looks like (other than that white training shirt with the yellow strips).

It’s the calm before the storm and along with every other Spurs fan, I’m suffering withdrawal symptoms after a season where almost every second was lived out like it was a 1000 days.

I guess I need to look elsewhere for an alternative non-transfer related football fix until something breaks out on the Sky Sports ticker.

Whether I end up lurking in message boards waiting for the very gossip I lambast most days or just go cold turkey remains to be seen.

For the moment, I rest easy in the trenches. With a bottle of rum.

Gareth Bales out of Spurs pre-season

Gareth Bale in all probability won't be fit for the start of next season. He faces a race to recover from knee surgery for a medial meniscal tear. Which means by the time he's back in full training, he'll be lagging behind for a place in the first team.

He's never had it great at Spurs.

Six months out with an ankle injury, comes into a Spurs side that is utterly shite and incapable of winning and has yet to taste victory in the Prem as a consequence leading to loss of confidence and keeping another victim of hard luck David Bentley (cough) company on the bench. He just doesn't get a look in, possibly because Harry doesn't rate him. But probably because there hasn't been much on offer since his arrival. If Gareth was in his late twenties, then I wouldn't expect Harry to be so patient.

The only positive out of all this is that we are unlikely to sell the kid now. Harry has to be paitent, all things taken into consideration, Bale is only 20 years old. There is no doubting he has talent. It's there, it's been hiding behind the footballing sofa except now it's having to lay on it, feet up with little to do but wait.

But as we've seen time and time again, it doesn't always come together at the first time of asking. In Gareth's case, it's all down to that first injury.

It's frustrating for all concerned.

His talent isn't quite defined, and coming to Spurs was meant to be the next step in his development to evolve into a more complete all round player. He's great coming forward, and arguably better at his offensive duties than his defensive ones.

Now he's back to square one, again. As long as he is not rushed back and starts playing in a winning side, then I'm certain he will be a success. Confidence breeds confidence which breeds smiles all round.

Talking of square one (or should that be ground zero?) Kevin Prince Boateng is back at Spurs having been told Dortmund can't afford to sign him. Which translated simply means he didn't do enough to impress the German club to sign him full time. It's difficult to gauge if KPB has anything in his locker to make it in the EPL, considering he failed to impress first time round. And tbh, I'd rather we push Adel Taraabt than the 'never won the German Young Player of the Year award no matter how many times the tabloids and broadsheets tell you he did' midfielder.

He's the perfect illustration of an unnecessary Comolli signing. Hyped potential, all tattoos and no substance. My advice to Levy and Harry? Lower your asking price.

Then again Harry did sign Kaboul when he was at Pompey, so never quite know what's in store...

Blackwood signs from Arsenal, but is he worth 50 cents?

Ricketts.
O'Hara.
Bentley via Blackburn.
And now Blackwood. Anton Blackwood.

The 17 year old defender has signed a one year deal from them lot from Woolwich. He travelled with the academy team to Switzerland and played in the final of the Tournoi International trophy against Hajduk split (3-0), even managing to get himself onto the score sheet. The only thing I know about the lad is that he can run 100m in around 11.1 seconds (at least he did so at the age of 14).

Other than that, he joined Arsenal from Northampton but has had injury issues in the past two 'seasons'. He wasn't offered a new contract due to his poor performances.

SPURS TO THE RESCUE! It's a one year contract and apparently its incentive based. We'll see how this one pans out. You have to be a little concerned with us picking up another Arsenal youth reject. But in the grand scheme of things, its a non-story. Although it would be nice if he turned out to be a gem. For larfs.

I guess covering this story was just an excuse to post these pictures of 50 cent in a Toronto shirt with the name Ricketts on the back. Yes, Ricketts. Rohan Ricketts. Remember Rohan? I'm sure you do.

He's apparently a bit of a super-star in the MLS. Which should more or less tells you everything you need to know about the game over the pond.

Football. Funny. Old. Game.

No cheeky bid for Gareth Barry then?

Last summer he wanted Champions League football with Liverpool.

This summer he's opted to talk to City - who are probably the one club to have had a bid accepted by Villa - meaning even if another club matched the bid they would still fail miserably in matching the wages on offer.

Does this mean Barry has a gun pointing at his head, forcing him to earn a ridiculous amount of money for a team that’s arguably only considered big due to the investment pumped into the club from the Middle East rather than any recent history - because they are the only viable option?

Villa came closer to 4th spot than City did this season (the latter nowhere near it) so if Barry wants to better himself by playing in the elite European cup competition, is he not better off where he is? Or are we to believe that signing for City is not about the money but its about matching his personal ambition with Man City's aim to be the very best?

People seem to forget the fact that Chelsea were Top 4 before Roman turned up with his money and the instant rock'n'roll attraction that pulled in the likes of Jose and any top class player willing to play over here in the EPL.

Can anyone really see Mark Hughes cracking it in the next season or two without a true foundation in place to accomodate all the super-star signings? Or will be be shrewd and build logically? Signing Barry would suggest that. The owners will continue to tempt the likes of Kaka and David Villa, but in reality they are unlikely to sign.

By the way, yes, I'm bitter that we won't be signing him. No idea whether we've even managed a cheeky bid or not but I guess he rates City as the only club outside the top 4 who have a chance of breaking up the monopoly. Maybe he wont consider us for the simple fact that we shag it up all the time so we are not a viable option due to our transitional habits.

Surprised he hasn't waited to see if Arsenal could afford him - but then they won't be offering him anything near what he'll be able to command at Eastland's. Then again, maybe they did inquire and got turned down.

So at the end of the day, can you blame him for going to City (if he does)? Arguably, you could say City have the best chance of getting into the top four mix because of the money they can offer to players. And there's obviously a buzz about the place because of the belief and hype surrounding every signing.

But spunking money is no guarantee for success. We know that more than most.

My opinion? It will all end in tears. Fingers crossed.