The Panther of the Lane

A bullish, battling, determined midfielder bossing the centre of the park. And he's wearing a lilywhite shirt.

It's amazing what they can do with a bit of CGI nowadays.

Thanks to tobjr for the video.

UPDATE: Video is down at the moment, removed by Youtube due to copyright issues, so will re-link once its available.

Re-Uploaded

Terry Dixon in astonishing comeback

Remember Terry Dixon? Very highly rated youngster on the books at Spurs a few years back who without making a league appearance (or a reserve one at that), managed to win a call-up to the Republic of Ireland squad for a friendly match against Russia back in 2006. Dixon (probably because of his physical stature and shaved head) was being touted as the Irish Wayne Rooney. Superficial comparisons aside, the kid was a precocious talent and in fact had plenty in common with Rooney. Those who witnessed him in full flight saw a strong, confident young lad with bundles of skill. Irish Rooney? Perhaps. Way ahead in terms of ability of all the other 16 year old players at the time. Which is probably why Ireland took a cheeky look at him.

But, alas, we never got to see him beyond the academy team.

The club released him back in March 2008 (cancelling his contract) due a couple of very serious knee injuries (he managed to repeatedly dislocate his right knee). Once is bad enough, twice is pretty devastating. Several operations and failed comebacks meant Dixon was let go. The suggestion (according to medical staff) was he'd never be able to play top flight football, at least at the competitive level required to make the grade in a first team squad in the Premier League. Which is why he's signed for West Ham.

Sorry, that joke would have worked better if we were ABOVE the Hammers.

In all seriousness, I'm chuffed to bits he is back at a professional level. Shocked, but chuffed. This is a young lad who's dream was retired after almost an age was spent attempting to get him fit and primed for a fulfilling career. Seems a stint in Belgium with a knee-specialist along with further rehabilitation at West Ham has worked a treat. Obviously. Otherwise why would West Ham sign him on a three year contract?

Prodigy (not Carr, he's just a git)

Two years out with a serious injury at a critical stage of his development along with disciplinary issues (mostly off the field) along with the fact that Spurs were amazingly patient for a very lengthy time, working to get him back to fitness - makes it an astonishing comeback. Its a bit unexpected.

I wish him all the best at West Ham and hope he makes a full recovery, as unbelievable as it might have seemed had we discussed the possibility 5 months back. Even if he scores a cracker against us, I'd applaud (quietly in my mind).

If he doesn't make the grade at West Ham, I hope he makes it somewhere else. The lad obviously has a never say die attitude and wants football in his life, regardless of the odds stacked against him.

Spurs and Survival: It's time to get medieval

A regular feature on this blog has been a reoccurring series following a set of fixtures that are meant to provide the much needed impetus (and points) to finally steer us clear of the scary little mire that is the bottom three seats of the Premiership. A place best avoided much like a seedy back room in a pawn shop resembling a dungeon.

When Harry Redknapp joined, I gave him 12 games to get us out of trouble. Results were not too shabby. The 12 games in question made up the fabled Challenge Spurs™ (The Dirty Dozen) series. But when that ended, we failed to capitalise on the points tally acquired and managed to follow it up with a pretty awful run of results, followed by another mixed bag (as chronicled in the V for Victory™ series).

This meant we failed to pull ourselves away from the mix down at the bottom. So these run of fixtures never made a difference win, lose or draw with regards to climbing the table (obviously the points picked up have been all important, otherwise we'd be doomed by now). And the teams around us have also remained fairly constant with poor and inconsistent form. Not a lot has changed in the past few months.

We now find ourselves with the run-in and every game a must-win (not every game is winnable, but that's the attitude required. Deja vu, right?). Which ironically means, that if there was a time to scrutinise our fixture list and welcome back Challenge Spurs™, it’s now. Fail, and there's nothing but Championship fixtures to look forward to.

We have 13 games left - 6 at home and 7 away.

We've already driven the little Honda into Marcellus Wallace. Donuts and coffee hitting the pavement. And arguably, we’ve already stumbled our way into the Mason-Dixie pawn shop. So squeaky-bum time is potentially moments away. Zed will see to that. Get yourself caught up in the moment and you might find it more than just a bit tricky to get out. All tied up and gagged, praying for a miracle. Zed has us in his sights. Relegation. Relegation has us in its sights. The spider has caught itself a fly.

"Bring out The Gimp"
"I think The Gimp is sleepin'"

In this case, the Gimp is not Jermaine Jenas. And neither is it sleeping. The Gimp is the monkey on our back. Nope, not Gareth Bale (he's mostly on the bench nowadays). The Gimp is the persistent match-losing lack of concentration that has seen us defeat ourselves in the last four league away games - all in the final minutes.

It’s a mental block. Lack of concentration, belief. A fundamental lack of self-respect. Confidence, pride...lack of. Tag whatever you wish to it. Its a Spurs trait we always blame when you know what hits the fan.

Last time the Gimp persevered, it cost us Champions League (forget the last game and think back to the amount of points lost in the final minutes both home and away during the course of that season). For it to occur four times on the trot, all away from the Lane this season, is a sure sign that winning is sometimes a task too hard for some of our players. They welcome the Gimp and it's all too familiar hooded face of sadomasochistic defeatism. We need to punch the Gimp in the head several times.

"So, we're cool?"

We are at the point of no second chances now. If you sit down with your calculator or Prem Table predictor website tool, the possibility of us being unsafe and at risk on the final game is possible if you base our final set of games and likely outcomes on prior form. Especially on away form.

We are likely to pick up points at home. Although it’s ominous that we haven't done that amazingly well so far. But the home games are now imperative. No possible excuse could appease us if we don't prove successful at WHL. As for the away games, they can be grouped into two sections:

The 'No Chance in Hell' List

Man Utd
Aston Villa
Everton
Liverpool

The 'Doubtful we'll win' List

Hull City
Blackburn Rovers
Sunderland

Lose to Hull away, and the game against Boro at home turns into a Cup final, to follow on from that other Cup final we play out a few days earlier. Sunderland away has yet to be slotted into the schedule having been postponed. So where is the away win(s) going to happen? We have a good record at Everton, don't we?

I prefer to think that Spurs will do what they usually do in such desperate times. Instinctively react and do so positively. Almost nonchalantly. Bit like the goals that came at the end of the semi-final against Burnley. We waited until we were 3-0 down and (practically) out of the Cup before showing a bit of quality and pulling through. It's textbook Spurs. It's eternally frustrating. Back to the home games left to play:

The 'Must Not Drop Points' List

Boro
Chelsea
West Ham
Newcastle
WBA
Man City

Apart from Chelsea (who might be rejuvenated a little by the time we play them) the other games in this list have to be victories in our favour. Without any disrespect, they are winnable. On paper. That's a fans perspective. The players have to be ruthless and fearless against the lot of them.Whether it's Chelsea or WBA.

The other clubs around us down at the bottom will no doubt struggle till the closing day of the season, but the desperation of needing them to lose to help us out is something I will not embrace.

It’s in our hands. Again. We can't be hoping other results go in our favour. We have to control our own destiny (cringe away).

We are in need for an inspired Butch with a Samurai sword moment to signal our intent for survival.

And we are equipped for it. Palacios, big and strong and inspiring. Keane will rediscover form and the back of the net. Dawson will continue to led in the absence of King. Lennon, who's energy this season has never faltered, will buzz around and torment. Modric possesses the quality that will help unlock a defence or two and allow Pav and Bent to get in amongst the goals. And Harry will make sure it all tick tocks clockwise.

How the Carling Cup final or the UEFA Cup games will affect squad moral is not something I wish to dwell on. It's not quite like last season where the players went to sleep after the 2-1 Wembley win and forgot how to win in the Prem. There's a clear distinction between one off games like the Final and the bread and butter of the Prem this term. And the latter is clearly of more importance in the long run.

Butch, driving into Marcellus, allowed destiny to take them to the pawn shop and perilously close to a humiliating death. The death part was avoided. The humiliation unavoidable. The will to survive saw them through it, bloody in victory and revenge.

Much like the two of them, its down to us that we are in this predicament. We've led ourselves here. Destiny playing its part with comparative ease. We've suffered the humiliation. We now need to stay clear of death. So here's to a quick sharp exit, riding off on a Chopper, with a happy ending.

‘Who’s Relegation?’
‘Relegations dead, baby, Relegations dead’

Spurs 0 Arsenal 0 - Next time, yeah?

144th NLD
Spurs 0 Arsenal 0

So close yet so far. Should have, could have, would have won it yesterday. But alas, our eternal depression against Arsenal (as highlighted by a banner in the away end which disappeared when the Arsenal fans realised they might not actually win) continues that bit longer. We’ll have to wait for next season and hope they are suitably weaker if starved of Champions League before we can finally thrash them 1-0. My back will be waxed for space for the celebratory tattoo cometh that day.

Back to the present and arguably it’s not exclusively just our depression anymore. Rights appear to be subject of a sharing agreement between ourselves and the enemy in red. Both clubs with different immediate goals, and both struggling to get there. Arsenal, dare I say it, are currently closer to ordinary than invincible. We remain frustrating. Decent now and again, mediocre or worse more often than not.

I'm disappointed we didn't win it. More chances more possession. Palacios immense in central midfield, showing some of that much needed determination and spirit we so often lack. Modric pulling the strings, dealing with the physicality with comparative ease. Bit more end product there and you could get away with muttering ‘world class’ when describing the Croatian playmaker. But we'll suck that in for the moment and use it when its geniunely warranted (which won't be too long).

Arsenal (bless ‘em) defended well and retaining two upfront when they had Eboue sent off was rather clever tactics on their part as it stretched us rather than allow us to push forward in numbers had they resorted to all out defending.

For all the chances we had, none of them were clear cut, although Pav should have done better and if Modric had played the ball into the box instinctively rather than waiting a second too long at the death of the game (nice cameo by Taarabt), then Bent would have won the game in the final seconds. So maybe the chances were as good as being clear cut if we managed to get them on target. Close enough though to allow for shaking of heads despondently, and sighing if’s and onlys a couple of hundred times on the journey home.

Arsenal only ever looked dangerous when we allowed them to push forward thanks to the odd mistake here and there and in the final 15 minutes or so when the game opened up. Set-pieces our only other main concern, but all dealt with rather comfortably. One or two scary moments, but otherwise, the South London club lacked anything in the way of the usual textbook swagger that usually sees them score a goal or two against us.

The turning point should have been that Eboue incident that all made us laugh out loud with giddy joy. He got his marching orders for kicking out at Modric, who was booked for his part in the scuffle (and I use that word lightly because Modric didn’t really deserve a yellow anyway).

Arsenal are pretty much accustomed to playing with 10 men regularly so it was never going to be a given that we’d win. We lacked that extra bit of ruthlessness needed for such an occasion.

Robbie Keane was not really involved in the game as much as we'd have liked to see (not surprising considering where he was a few weeks back – he’ll need another game or so to regain full match fitness) and Pav had one of those days where everything went a mile to the side of the goal. Lennon was busy and tenacious but should have had more of a go at Clichey. If he could strike the ball with power and place it to the side of the keeper, we'd all be laughing. End product is also something that needs improving from the little man. Still our best player this season.

Dawson not far behind him with his no-nonsense defending. Bit of revelation is Daws, as not too long ago, one or two fans half expected him to be pushed out of the club (as he only ever played well with a fit King by his side and his form appeared to dip substantially in a Kingless defence). His current form has been outstanding. Jenas appears to have divided opinions. Some say he was not effective at all, others say he gave a lot of effort. Personally, I think he had an off day. Was expecting him to roar as he always fancies these matches. I say stick with him for now, and allow him and Palacios to gel in midfield, with Modric out on the left free to cut in and cause havoc. If Palacios does all the grating, we might finally see JJ smash it up, box-2-box, like he has always promised to do but never quite graps the consistency and belief.

I'm kidding myself, aren't I?

Vot va voad vof Vollocks.

Talking of Wilson. Wow. What a great home debut. Big, strong, hardly gives a free kick away. Tackles superbly well. Is all over the pitch. A player who actually values the concept of winning midfield battles. And probably serves as an inspiration to others around him to up their game and passion levels to match his performance. Proper player? Hell yes. FAO SPURS PLAYERS - This is the type of application required. Not just in Derby games, but in every single game left in this season. Suddenly I’m shrugging at the £14M price tag. Well worth it on this evidence.

So, generally, it was a good performance, with just a bit of the rub of the green missing. Arsenal failing to score against Spurs? Staggering that. Been a while since we've had the pleasure. Cudinici did well, Almunia superb in the oppossite goal.

Obviously, if you witnessed this in WengerVision then you would have seen Arsenal dominate the match, boss the midfield and create an abundance of opportunities including a dead cert goal disallowed and a player sent off when he shouldn't have been (because his first yellow was not deserved). Ah, WengerVision. What would we do without it?

Arsenal never really turned up, plain and simple. Hardly tested Cudicni (who had maybe one or two saves to make, the best from Bendtner) and were very much not Arsenalesque on the day. The 'goal' was not a goal and therefore should not be classed as a disallowed goal. The ref blew his whistle and signalled for a foul before the ball was stroked into the net. It’s irrelevant what you do after the ref has blown. Play no longer exists. Bit different if the ref blows AFTER the ball crosses the line. Yes, I know I'm being pedantic on this, but the little push and trip-over was exactly that, as soft as it looked. And Ekotto appeared to stop playing when the ref blew his whistle, though I can never quite tell with him.

All hail SpookyVision.

Humourous that he (Wenger) managed to watch that incident three times on tv and couldn’t see why it wasn't a goal but didn't bother watching replays of the Eboue incident. That’s Wenger logic for you. You wonder whether he actually believes half the crap he spouts post-match. Was Robbie Keane fouled and denied a penalty? I'm certain if that was a player in red and white going down inside the area, Wenger would have a post-match fit screaming "referee conspiracy!"

Two points dropped? Yes. You do feel that if we had Defoe up front or if Keane was a little more fresh, we would have cracked them. Instead, we're 2 points off the mire instead of 4. Arsenal are 5 points off the Top 4. Disappointment for the both of us then. But it's more likely that we will avoid relegation than they will finish 4th. Unbeaten against the Cartel (Man Utd, Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal) this season in the Prem. Shame our record against ‘lesser’ opposition remains shit. One win in nine is still not great, and the home games are the ones we need to be winning.

Laughable that certain quarters are suggesting that Wenger outfoxed Redknapp tactically. Yes, Arsenal retained decent shape when at 10 men. But they gained a point only because of our indecisive finishing. The team might have a bit more about them after this game going into the next league match.

If you don't agree with any of this, and you prefer WengerVision, feel free to pick yourself up a copy of The Standard, that bastion of unbiased journalism, for a more traditional write-up of the game. Or track down Piers Morgan who probably thinks Arsenal won the match.

Made me smile

We probably paid that much for his return.

Audere est facere is in my blood

As a solider of the terraces and voice of the disillusioned fan I constantly place my life at risk for the sake of supporter freedom, highlighting then dismissing the propaganda we are constantly subjected too. The ordinary fan needs enlightenment. It's my job to make sure they are not left in the dark.

Audere est facere is in my blood.

I’ve handcuffed myself naked to the West Stand turnstiles. Been attacked by rouge squirrels when attempting to stall the Berbatov to Utd transfer. Fallen out of a tree overlooking The Lodge. Boycotted the Spurs Shop on countless occasions including the time I replaced items of clothing in the shop with effigies of Daniel Levy and Damien Comolli French kissing. I’ve also organised end of season ‘burning of season ticket’ bonfire events. I’ve been arrested, had restraining orders served, ASBO’s and have had to endure my fair share of community service. All because I dare to protest and demonstrate against Levy and his Napoleonistic quirks.

People question my ethics. Apparently I am a hypocrite because I pay for a season ticket every year. Which means I’m helping to fund Levy’s chairmanship – one that I publicly disagree with. But that’s a sacrifice that’s unavoidable. To be able to protest against a war and do so with unequivocal passion – one must sign up and do a tour of duty. I’m on my fifth tour in the South Stand lower tier. That makes me veteran.

Anyone who barks in my direction telling me how Levy is a great chairman because of the money he generates for the club and for transfers are forgetting that most astute business men would easily make a healthy profit from a club of our stature. It’s not that difficult a task. It’s the footballing side that continues to suffer due to his failings. It's not how you make the money, it's how you spend it. The persistence of the DoF system. The contridiction of the Redknapp appointment. The £15M outlays on superfluous players. The cheapening of the clubs name with the delusions of greatness that in reality is nothing more than a ghost of the once true greatness possessed in a by-gone era. The dumbing down of our Latin motto. The Jol/Ramos/Comolli mess. It’s an endless list.

Supporters unfamiliar with my campaigns might think me a little extreme. I guess a man dressed in black combat gear with a camouflaged face mask and a hands-free NVG Cybereye third generation multi-purpose night vision system with additional camera-adaptable extras, illuminator functionality and advanced recognition range would, I guess, qualify me as a little extreme. But I’d prefer committed.

It’s no coincidence that I find myself in Daniel Levy’s back garden. The sun has long since set. It’s been about a year since my last visit to the mansion. The rose bush is looking delightful. I’ve been hiding out in his shed for around seven hours. Just me and this bin liner which holds my Pièce de résistance. A present for the chairman. Not much room in here to move, with the lawn mower and unopened copies of the Opus stacked up. Daniels wife and his four kids are away for the night. It’s not a window of opportunity that arises often enough, and thus can not be ignored. Just need to wait for the lights to go off. That’s my cue. Breaking and entering won’t be an issue. Alarm code is 19611981. It’s practically an invitation. Not that I plan to steal or damage anything. I’m not a criminal. Literary terrorism is more my style. The pen is mightier than the sword. Although for this evening only, subtly will not be my calling card.

I’m here to send out a clear message to the chairman. His tenure is displaying stress fractures. Tottenham is nothing more than a broken metatarsal. From the sacking of Martin Jol to the present day, accountancy aside, it’s been a titanic tapestry of untruths and mistakes.

I’m inside now. Night vision still active.

Kitchen is a mess. Empty bottles of Dom Perignon. Beluga caviar. How can anyone eat this crap? Need to get the taste out of my mouth. Hello. Half drank bottle of wine. This will have to do. Chateau Mouton-Rothschild Jerobam. Can't pick this up at Asda. Prefer Blossom Hills fruitiness myself. Stack of boxes in the corner. Twenty, maybe twenty five copies of the Opus, all still wrapped up. There's another Opus on the floor. Signed by Didier Zokora. Looks like a door-stop.

Living room is as plush as ever. I like what he's done with the place. Cuban. Possibly West Indian mahogany. I can never tell the difference. And....oh.....my.....God, is that a La-Z-Boy?

50" plasma, wall mounted. Krell amplifier. Eggleston Works Ivy speakers. Wu-Tang Clan cd’s on the floor. Plenty of DVD’s too. Separated into different racks for each family member. How very OCD. Let's see what Daniel has in his collection. Ishtar. The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Battlefield Earth 2000, Arsenal 49: The Complete Unbeaten Record. Batman and Robin. Hudson Hawk. The Postman, Gigli. Showgirls....The.....hold on a damn minute! You sonofabitch. You son of a......wait till people find out about this. You’ll be finished, finished. Batman and Robin? Are you kidding me Daniel? It’s garbage. It plays out like a ridiculous parody of the tv show for crying out loud! I mean come on. Schwarzenegger ffs! He got paid $25M to stand around and make wisecracks. Scandalous. They should have given the role to Patrick Stewart. And as for that joke of a Batman suit with the nipples. I feel dizzy.......Breathe damn it, breathe. What's the point of having these fancy speakers and HD if you're gonna waste your time watching an absolute mess of a movie?

I can taste vomit in my mouth. Time to move on.

Only other room worth checking out is the study. Door is open. Forty maybe as many as fifty copies of the Opus stacked up against the wall. Framed picture of Joe Lewis. Stuffed squirrels on the desk. Quite a few post-it notes.

‘Freeze season tickets if we stay up. Increase them if we go down’

'Tell Appiah, thanks but not thanks'

'Possible re-work of club badge. Remove the cockerel?'

'Ideas for new stadium name. The Holsten Levy Dome, Levyville Nike Town, The Daniel Levy sponsored by Daniel Levy'

‘Book a new mascot for Sunday - Chirpy has gone missing’

There's also a laptop. Interesting. Wonder if he brings his work home with him. It’s locked. Windows Vista. Needs a password.

Jenasisgod61.

I’m in. Wallpaper is....looks like the FTSE100. World of Warcraft shortcut on desktop. One hard drive. Seems to have plenty of encrypted files. Requires another password to view them.

Opus61.

I'm in. Hmm. Just photo-shopped images of Tottenham players superimposed onto pictures of the Champions League and World Cup finals. Mock up newspaper headlines. 'Levy is the best ever'. 'King Daniel of the Lane'.'Sir Daniel Levy arise!'. Self-indulgent nonsense.

Maybe his emails will be of more interest.

Subject: Downing
“Hello Steve. It's that time of year again. £12M for Stewart. Let me know today if you accept. Willing to go up to £15M. You know me, desperate for a left-winger. You can reply to this addy or MSN me. Username is LL-Cool-D. I'm on Twitter if you need to track me down.”

Subject: Hello Mr Washington
“It's me. Mr Drove My Chevy. Need your help again. Things remain a struggle since you left. Damage limitation sucks, no? Haven’t got a clue who to purchase. Suggested to Harry we just buy back players we sold. Saves expenses and costs on scouting abroad. Also thinking I should just bid £15M for any names he mentions in tv interviews and see if we get lucky. Hope all is well with you”

Nothing news-worthy here. Time I get myself upstairs. End game is in sight.

And here we are. The master bedroom. And there he is. The chairman. So at peace, sleeping like a baby. It's a shame he will woke up to a nightmare.

I made you an offer Mr Levy. One that you can’t refuse. Stop humiliating the club with embarrassing DVD releases of score-draws and cheap merchandise and I’ll stop throwing frozen shit pellets at your car. But you ignored my letter. And refused my offer. You've left me with no choice. You have forced my hand.

I'm leaving you with my Pièce de résistance, tucked up beside you. Sweet dreams Daniel. Sweet dreams.

Mission complete. Night vision batteries running low. Exit strategy now in motion. Will be out of the mansion and off the property in 2 minutes and 59 seconds....58 seconds......57 seconds.....

Operation Severed Head over and out.

Tim Sherwood? Does anyone care?

Robbie Keane has been back five minutes and he’s already made an impact. Such is the lack of leadership in our squad (and with Ledley King never fit) Harry has opted to make our returning son club captain. No doubt he will point, look up at the sky, wave his arms, shake his fist and shout at everything and anything including the slackers in the side. Whether any of them bother looking up to take note of our Robbie is altogether another thing. Because, you know. The players don’t care, right? What, you haven't heard? Have you not caught up on your weekly reminder about the lack of caring thing? Slacker. Get that Daily Mail delivered to your home, damn it!

It concerns me that we have to listen to people employed by the club, slag the club off. We have Tottenham forums and the tabloid columnists for that sort of lark. Even if the club deserves to be slagged off or be criticised, we do not need to have the main focus of sound-bites coming from manager and coaching staff (yes, I know…..Harry loves to talk, the irony burns).

I’ve never liked Tim Sherwood, and still don’t have much time for him. I’m not sure I understand the logic behind his employment as a part-time coach with us. How anyone can be part-time in football is beyond me considering it’s not exactly the most challenging profession with regards to hours spent in a working day compared to people who stand on their feet for 8 hours or sit in a office staring at a screen falling into a coma.

Whatever it is Sherwood does at the club as a coach is obviously not working, so I almost ignored reading his latest rant. I sucked in the vomit and went ahead with it anyway. What he says is common knowledge to anyone who watches Spurs. Players don’t care enough. You can’t disagree with it. We can see it for ourselves week to week. He cites that we are capable of defeating Arsenal on our day but fail to grind out results when it’s equally important (but not as glamorous as a NLD). Says the reason we looked at Craig Bellamy was because of his attitude towards winning. Keane does have a similar work ethic. So it does make sense to make him captain when our other choice is Jenas (Woodgate would have been my preference).

Finding myself in agreement with his viewpoint (even though its one shared by anyone following Spurs) still makes me ashamed considering he has spent the past few years slating us at every opportunity on TalkSport radio (he’s neither knowledgeable or insightful….so perfect match). Very bitter man. And I'm still not sure what he has to offer us exactly. If anyone knows what he does at Spurs, please let me know. The bloke has no experience as a coach, was not a great midfielder (should our players be inspired by his presence?) and is unprofessional (talks to the press far too much).

So, to reiterate, it's now a common occurrence to slag off our players and highlight their faults, week in week out, publicly. And it's not working as the results are not changing and the players are still not giving it 110%. All it serves is to pass the blame so everyone is in no doubt who should be blamed (at least from the perspective of the one doing the passing).

So how about working all this out behind closed doors rather than giving the red tops more headlines? Its tiresome stuff to see the same complaints repeated over and over again and yet no progress made. The reason we have managers and coaches is to man-manage and coach.

I expect Tim will be happy regardless. If Tottenham sink, he’ll go back to radio full-time and possibly publish his memoirs on the Titanic travesty Tottenham was in season 2009.

Spurs: The Reason they got Relegated by Tim Sherwood

Future bestseller on Green Street that.

Talking of travesty….Darren Bent. No, I’m joking. Look at his record.

It’s something like 14 goals in 30 games from 18 starts. He scored 8 goals last year as a sub. I might be one or two goals off (as I’m attempting to recall from memory) but still, that’s not too shabby, is it? On paper at least. So why is he much maligned? Well, personally, he doesn’t seem to play well when paired up front with another forward and he can go long periods (several games) without doing much in-game in the way of any thing productive on the eye. In a recent match he must of touched the ball 5 times in 45 minutes.

Which is why we tend to remember his misses more so than his performance and application. In a course of a game, he simply doesn’t seem to be involved us much as a Defoe or Keane or Pav. His Bolton cameo was a good one. Do that every week and we’ll go back to rating him much like we did earlier in the season. Fickle bunch we are. If things don’t work out, we can always flog him to Sunderland come the summer. Best moment of the window came after it actually closed from Ricky Sbragia who ‘tapped up’ Bent (yes, he did, according to Sbragia himself who accused Harry of the exact same thing in relation to us being linked with Jones) when he stated ‘we are interested’.

Er, Ricky…..if you’re gonna tap up a player you need to make sure you time it so that you actually stand a chance of signing the player within the window. Doesn’t actually have much of an affect after it.

The Dream is Over

It's a great shame Andrei Arshavin has signed for Arsenal. I was hoping for a follow-up to his special guest blog but apparently his fitness level is of far more importance and alas, he doesn't have the time to spare.

He is however still able to provide us with a little off-the-cuff entertainment. Interviewed yesterday he managed to drop this wonderful straight-faced gem:

Interviewer: "Have you spoken to Roman Pavlyuchenko about your move yet?"
Arshavin: "No."
Interviewer: "Why not?"
Arshavin: "He's not a friend of mine."

He then followed this quip with something about inviting Pav round to his hotel room now that he's living in London. Don't go Pav. Its blatantly a trap.

So, anyway, as a concluding ode to the little man, let's enjoy his finest moments as complied by DoctorSpur (over at GG.co.uk).

8th July 2008:

"My dream is Barça," Arshavin said. "But to say that isn't new. The whole world knows that I have dreamed forever about going to Barça. Messi, Arshavin, Henry? Messi is very, very good and to play with him must be a marvel, and the same goes for Henry. What more can I say? I would love it. Barça is a team that can win 7-0 or lose 4-3 because their style of football is going on the attack. As long as I remember it's been like that and all that fills me with enthusiasm. "For that reason I've followed Barça closely for a long time."

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/transfers/arshavins-heart-set-on-dream-transfer-to-barcelona-870741.html

8th August 2008:

“My desire to leave is still as strong, but there is nothing more to do now other than hope for a miracle."

http://www.clubcall.com/tottenham-hotspur/arshavin-wants-spurs-move-769102.html

"I also like the way Tottenham play, so I agreed in principle to join. A short while later a representative from Spurs arrived to discuss my personal terms and contract. The discussion didn’t take long and we agreed on everything quickly."

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/article1533111.ece

18th November 2008:

"Playing for Bayern is a dream."

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/european/arshavin-reveals-bayern-dream-1023609.html

10th December 2008:

"I can confirm that officials from Zenit have begun preliminary negotiations with Real Madrid about my transfer."

http://www.goal.com/en/news/1705/real-madrid/2008/12/10/1005326/andrei-arshavin-confirms-real-madrid-talks

3rd February 2009:

“I am happy to be [here] at Arsenal. It was my dream. “[I chose Arsenal] because I like their style and I like Arsene Wenger as a coach.”

http://www.thesportreview.com/tsr/2009/02/arshavin-arsenal-move-is-dream-come-true/

Arshavin, finally achieving his dream at the 5th time of asking.

Thank God we only have players who genuinely want to wear the shirt. You know, like Robbie Keane. And Pascal Chimbonda. And Jermain Defoe.

Cough.

Did the transfer window make you smile?

I was snowed in yesterday and worked from home. I did take a moment to venture outside. I like the crunchy sound snow makes when you walk around in it. I built a snowman. It stood proud in the garden for all of ten minutes before Harry Redknapp and Daniel Levy drove past and offered me £15M for my creation. I accepted. Apparently he's a perfect replacement for Jermaine Jenas in midfield because he won't melt as fast when the spot light is on him.

Aaaaaaaaaand, I thank you.

Robbie Keane is back, making a mockery of Liverpool, Tottenham’s transfer policy and Keane himself. Yes, I know. We never wanted to sell him in the first place. It’s not been a pretty transfer window, has it? Or has it?

Re-signing someone we sold has been the general trend that Levy and Redknapp have adhered to this month. Financially we’ve written off a lot of debt (and the £8M more we spent to bring back Jermain Defoe cancels out the £8M we got from Liverpool for our Irish loan deal star). The whole sorry state of the Keane affair rests with the politics at Anfield between Rick Parry and Rafa Benitez.

“You want Gareth Barry? He’ll cost us £18M. I'm not bidding £18M for Barry. Let’s sign Robbie Keane instead for £20M. What’s that? You don’t want Robbie Keane? Tough. He’ll have to do”

You can't blame Keane too much. Boyhood dreams are hard to ignore. The obvious downside is that we’ve not had him for the past six months and his form and confidence is shot. Although if we had of kept him in the summer, re-signing Jermain Defoe from Pompey might not have happened. Then again we probably would have signed Defoe regardless. Even though both players don’t exactly have the best working relationship on the pitch, it’s doubtful Harry would have ignored the opportunity even if it doesn't make logical sense. He'll have to work out this particular conundrum in 10 weeks from now.

Defoe picking up a nasty injury (which did not apparently exist prior to him signing for us and occurred during an indoor training session) has more or less forced us into re-signing Keane.

10 weeks without JD means we could not afford to place all hopes on just Pav and Bent. And that Utd kid. Whatshisface. Fact is, as ridiculous as this whole back and forth transfer merry-go-round is and the added risk that Keane might not be the same player he was when teamed up with Berbatov there was no better option out there for us. Better the devil you know. He's scored over 100 goals for us. He has that urgency we need and he’ll hit the ground running, probably with the aim to appease the Spurs fans that are uncertain about his return and more so Liverpool and Benitez for letting him go so soon.

He’s still eligible for a winners medal (under PL Rule 22c) so he won’t be able to play in the game up at Anfield on the final day of the season if Liverpool are still in with a chance to grab the title. Major conflict of interest. But it’s far more likely he will play as Utd will have been crowned champions long before that game. Let’s hope we don’t have to win there to stay up.

Liverpool fan at work was positively beaming this morning, telling me to ‘…have your crap back’. That's £8M worth of crap, thank you very much.

As for the fans that are banging on about how we should have signed Arshavin in the summer. Well yes, possibly but Zenit are an atrocious excuse for a football club when it comes to dealing with payments. And AA along with his agent have managed to whore themselves across Europe waving their knickers and flashing anyone who dares to look in such a shameless and embarrassing way that the positive hype has been drained out of the whole affair.

Arsenal have completed the longest drawn out panic buy in Premiership history. The player is joining the only club that showed an interest in him, he’s that desperate for a big money move. Not that Arsenal are a bad choice if playing in England is 'his dream' for the week. If he reignites their push for 4th spot he’ll be just as happy as Wenger who will be hailed a genius for such an intelligent purchase. Where he fits in once they have all their players back is anyone’s guess, but here’s hoping he flops and Arsenal finish 5th. You know, for a laugh.

The BBC get their knickers in a twist

Class player, complete mercenary. Not convinced he would have been right for us considering we have Modric in the side. It’s bad enough that Pav had 5 months of Russian football behind him when he signed for us and is still not 100% match fit IMO. Arshavin is a player that would need to be bedded in softly softly. Maybe if he was signed in the summer it would have worked out ok. Still, he’s meant to be shit hot right? How many clubs lined up for him? I’ll shut up now. If he plays on Sunday, he’ll probably dick us.

Elsewhere, we tried to offload our £4.5M teenager dos Santos to Portsmouth for £7M (the logic here being a ‘healthy profit’ too good to turn down). The deal fell through due to the fact that dos Santos is not match fit and Adams requires players he can use from the off. I’ve spoken about this before. We have a culture at Spurs of dismissing young players without any respect for patience and development. He can’t be that bad, surely? Does Harry not rate him at all? Is Levy prepared to put this down as another dud buy from our departed friend Comolli? In fact, was he bought as ‘one for the future’? Considering he’s been out injured for a while and thus not match fit, why are we looking to offload him with such casual dismissiveness?

dos Santos was exceptional during his days in the Mexican U17 and U21 teams. He showed promise at Barcelona but in his final season was very hot and cold. They sacrificed him because of the wealth of young talent they have there (Bojan is outstanding and a far better prospect). Or did they know he flattered to deceive? A one-footed forward with no extra dimensions to his game. Maybe Harry simply doesn’t think he is cut out for the fight we have ahead of us. Confidence wise, it can’t be good for the young lad. Another ‘one for the future’ Tomas Pekhart has joined Slavia Prague on loan. And Gunter has gone to Preston for a month. I’m hoping our academy team (that continue to impress in all the world-wide tournaments they compete in) don’t disappear into obscurity when they all turn nineteen.

So. Defoe, Chimbonda, Cudicini, Keane, Palacios. Does Harry now have the proper players he requires to help balance the team and add depth to the squad? Appiah is still with us, and has another month of getting fit and proving his worth before we have to make a decision about offering him a contract. Even though we were meant to give him a decision a week back.

So was this January a success?

• We needed a quality number two to cover and compete with Gomes. Done.

• We needed a central midfielder. Preferably a holding or defensive midfielder. Combative is what we ended up with signing Palacios who has a bit of everything. Done, sort of (and it does mean that we might well have to rely on Zokora stepping up in that holding position).

• We needed defensive cover. Chimbonda. Love him or hate him, we can now play Corluka as centre-back if need be. Pascal can play across the back four if called upon. Done.

• We needed a striker. We re-signed Defoe. Done, but fate had other ideas.

• We needed another striker due to DJ's injury. We re-signed Keane. We don’t have to concern ourselves just yet with how we plan to fit JD and RK in a starting line-up. I guess any striker signed would have had to be in the same mould as a Keane and Defoe, so we would have had the same dilemma regardless. So done.
  

But are we now defensively intelligent in midfield? Is Palacios the answer? What now for Jenas? Is the team (best starting eleven) now balanced from the back to the front? Can a team without a true left-winger work? Do we need a true left-winger? If Zokora is a Harry fav, then are we planning on sticking with the 5 in midfield and one upfront? Should we have signed a Crouchesque type of player (like we did with Kenwyne Jones)? Have we really improved the squad buying the player we need or have we opted for another round of scatter-gun bullet buys? Will Harry stop referring to the ‘we only had 2 points when I got here’ sound-bites?

Compared to some of the other clubs, and regardless of the fact we have re-signed players, we haven't done that badly in terms of bringing in quality. It's whether it all works out, second time around. Will the jigsaw pieces fit alongside the ones already slotted into the puzzle?

So many questions. All could be answered in 90 minutes this Sunday. Selection, formation, tactics, application. Harry takes 50% responsibility. The other 50% is down to the players.

I'm smiling. Nervously.

Today will be madness

If you take a quick look around the message boards and Sports pages you'll find the following gathering pace:

Keane coming back
Lennon to Liverpool
Bent leaving
Quaresma on loan
Jenas to Inter

Bringing Robbie back is embarrassing. We are bailing out Liverpool and the player himself. If we lose Lennon as part of the deal I'll be absolutely livid with the club. There is no guarantee that Keane will be the same player he was without Berbatov by his side and let's face it. He must be a little bit damaged by the experience. Boyhood dream in tatters. I'd rather take the risk in whether Lennon will develop into a player with end product than wonder if Keane will be able to reclaim his past Spurs form. Aaron is also much younger than Robbie.

Bent leaving is a strange one. We love to hate Darren. Sometimes, he appears to do nothing in a game. But he does score. He's a bit fragile, so maybe not the right type of player mind-set we need at the moment. I'd still rather hold onto him for now. You know. In case of another injury.

Quaresma is also a strange one. Talented with plenty of unfulfilled potential. Never settled in one place. Is he built for a relegation dogfight? How long will he take to bed in? And if you want to believe that Jose wants Jenas in exchange as part of a loan deal, then this transfer window has officially been tagged as loopy. Apparently, according to Jose, Ibrahimovic is more of a team player than Quaresma. Ouch.

What concerns me is that we haven't looked to actually fill the gaps. I guess apart from the left-wing position, if the Inter lad signs.

"We need strength, big players" - We buy lickle Jermaine. Who was carrying a knock and might now have a broken foot.

"We need people who want to play for this club and know what it means to put on the shirt" - We re-sign Chimbonda. Good olde loyal Shimbomba.

"We need a holding midfielder" - We sign Palacios. Who has 'everything in a midfielder I want' but isn't technically speaking a holding midfielder. Add to the mix, Zokora who Harry wants to continue playing which would then mean that we plan to continue lining up with a 5-man midfield. And if that's the case......do we need to keep spunking so much on forwards?

I'm frustrated. As much as you are, I'm sure.

Arshavin has apparently flown back home today having arrived in London yesterday. Not that Levy would dare place a cheeky bid for him after the summer fiasco with Zenit. Did Arsenal ever stand a chance in signing him? Considering how tight they are and how money obsessed Zenit are.

As I type this apparently Liverpool want Saviola and Spurs are interested also.....but Spurs are willing to back off if the Anfield club give us Robbie. These type of transfer bluffs seem to be happening with alarming occurrence.

I've stuck some popcorn in the microwave. Snowed in. Sky Sports ticker day for me.

I hate football

I hate football. There I said it.

One of the most obvious knee-jerks after a defeat such as the one experienced up at the Reebok is to hold your head in your hands and cry uncontrollably, wiping away the tears as you ask yourself:

“Why? Why do I care more than the players? Why can't the players care as much as me?"

Why? Well simply because we – the fans – are the heart beat of the club. We are the one constant through its existence. We retain the values and the ambitions that the club should be aspiring to. When players are long gone, we are still here cheering and singing and supporting the next generation to wear the colours. The history of the club is embedded within us from the first time we watch the team play and stays with us as passionately and obsessively throughout our lifetime. It’s religious in scope.

And we are all together in it. We all experience the highs and the lows. The emotions and the glory. The depression and the disgust.

"Triffic"

The reason we want to cry (or if you are too manly for Gascoignesque waterworks) shake your fists furiously at the teams abject display whilst using colourful language, is because we care so much it hurts and it hurts so much that we question whether our loyalty is misplaced. It’s a weak moment. One we always recover from. It’s sometimes easier to pretend to care less about something because it gives the illusion that you won’t hurt too much from the pain.

It’s part of our make-up as fans. Most of the time we complain and disagree with each other whilst we wait patiently (sometimes for decades) for something resembling true progression from the club before we all hold hands in unity. But that never stops us from wearing our hearts on our sleeves.

We simply love the club. Unconditionally. So when we watch a team display the same inept and dysfunctional quirks week after week, whilst the manager quotes excuses from himself from the previous defeat and the one before that, you begin to wonder why it’s so impossible for the players to react positively when the problems are so obvious?

We all know players don’t feel the same type of loyalty as fans do. That isn’t ground-breaking news. But self-pride should be evident enough. And yet its rarely evident on the pitch. Just in patches or certain games.

Other clubs have managed to capture this pride and spirit, and although some sides do not have the quality to see them achieve success others do have the quality and the combination is unequalled (see Man Utd for more details).

NLD up next. Shudder.

This crisis we find ourselves in wasn’t birthed this season. It’s been a long time coming. Our away form has been utter crap for years and years now. We never compete consistently away from WHL to really be able to drive forward as a strong side who could challenge for Europe every single season with comparative ease. Martin Jol, bless him, changed the status quo momentarily. What we’ve managed to do since has been well documented. A mish-mashed squad of individuals who struggle to form a cohesive unit. We entertain like no other club, on and off the pitch. But the main gripes are never sorted out.

Set-pieces, defending, balance of squad. Groundhog Day.

This is not just based on the Bolton result, where the score flattered us tbh. We did nothing much for 65 minutes and reacted far too late and only when Bolton relaxed. Once we made it 2-2, they woke up again and scored, thanks to help from us who sat back when we equalised. We appear to hold our own destiny in our hands every single week. Losing (I think it’s) four games away from home in the final minutes is pretty scandalous stuff. And the reason behind it?

Mental strength. Or lack of.

We have a deep-rooted psychological problem. We have players that want to play football, who want to play it about and score magnificent goals and buzz as the ball pings with neat and tidy one-touch skills. But it’s all plastic rather than gold because turning up and wanting to be great and wanting to play great is not enough. We – individually and as a team – need to want to win all the battles across the pitch like our lives depend on it. We need to clatter the opposition. Bully them. Show we mean business instead of all this limp excuse for spirit we witness most weeks. We need more Dawsons. I can’t believe I just said that.

We have no leader and we have no bully. Weak in mind, weak in soul. And this has been us for a while now. We change the manager, we change the players. And yet the same problem always exists. When mistakes are made, does anyone get angry about it? Apart from us, the mugs in the stands?

What was it Carrick once said about us? We have a culture of failure at Tottenham. He didn’t quite say that, but that was the gist of it. The players do not appear to hate losing. It’s acceptable. It’s ok. But it shouldn’t be.

The players have to stand up and show us 100% heart and passion. How many times has this been demanded this season alone, and they don’t quite do it? We know they can because we've seen it in one-off games. But alas again, that's the problem. Botheredness.

It’s easy for the likes of Utd where they win things every year to hate losing and therefore give it that extra 110% every week because defeat and failure is unacceptable for them – but surely at a club like Spurs which aspires to be a force in English football – should see their players strive to avoid being second best? Players at the club should arrive and understand that second best is not good enough for the club. We don’t have a Ferguson. But neither do most. So what is the point of being at Spurs? You can almost taste the importance and affect Davids had at the Lane, on the training pitch and in the first team squad. Hopefully Palacios will bring us something similar with his undoubted class. Whether he has the same fire in his belly that even an 'old' Davids had is altogether another thing. But then Wilson is not the same type of player that Edgar was.

Tottenham's midfield, with Lennon in the middle

Where is the intensity? That extra yard? That willingness and aggressive nature?

We didn’t show much up at the Reebok. Well done to Bent who has a pretty good goal scoring ratio this season, even though we sometimes wonder about his ability and application game to game. Shame on our defending, especially for the third decisive goal. And maybe this one up front business can be scrapped soon as it simply doesn’t work. Most of our lads had stinkers.

We are fast running out of games now. Do I think we are going down? No. Because we will do just about enough to avoid the drop, thanks largely to the fact that there are far worse teams than us. But I pray to God the players don’t have this very same thought. Look at our away fixture and who we have to visit between now and the final game of the season. It's daunting in places.

Arsenal at home next. Three points from six games during December through to Jan is almost as bad as what we got under Ramos. The results from the first 8 games of a season will not get you relegated – it’s what you do after that and we’ve done nothing other than skip through a honeymoon period that wasn’t followed up with a successful marriage.

Let's just avoid the divorce papers.

The sooner this window shuts, and Harry stops harking on about how many points we had when he joined the better. Had we not lost any of the last four away then we’d all be a little more happier now. But we did, and we’re not. The Preimer League is a joke down at the bottom, with all teams of equal poor quality. So there's no need to laser-remove your tattoos just yet.

I bet we give it a right old ding-dong go on Sunday in the NLD. Unbeaten against Big 4 opposition this season in the League (sums us up really). And we’ll be scratching our heads trying to figure out why we can’t dish out the same performance every week. Fingers crossed, hey?

I hate football. I could never live without it.

Let's just thrash Arsenal and worry about this relegation lark later.

Thanks to Dayo for the photoshop Redknapp pic. Visit this thread over at Glory Glory for more hilarity.

The Tottenham Revolution: Sign-up NOW!

JOIN US TODAY!! (Hurry, as membership applications will not be accepted after the 2nd Feb)

Tottenham Hotspur. The Premier exclusive millionaire’s social club where men* can spend their week days showing off their new hair-cuts, tattoos and Louis Vuitton man bags to other members and then on the weekends get to have a bit of a kick-around to flex those muscles and sexy thighs and flick the ball around to their hearts content in specially organised football games. But don’t fret, if you don’t want to join in with the physical stuff you don’t have to. Remember, it’s not about winning; it’s the taking part that counts. Whatever you choose, it’s a perfect way to network so you can maximise your Facebook friends list so that there’s always someone to call if you fancy a little bit of nightclubbing, boozing, womanising or nights in playing Pro Evo.

*Membership for women is currently under review.

Obviously, not everyone can be accepted for membership. Ha, only joking! Nothing rigorous about our interview process so chances are you're already eligible for the thousands of pounds per week worth of benefits – which includes gym access, sauna, free lunch and coach travel to all the big cities (and even some of the small ones) across England and Europe* and still leaving you with plenty of time to hit the West End for those all important shopping trips with the WAG. You’ll also enjoy access to the main club-house in N17 and it's facilities. Feel free to turn-up whenever you fancy it.

*European tour for next year has been cancelled but plans are afoot for a complete revamp of our English destination hotspots. Stay tuned for more on this exciting news.

So are you good looking (or at least think you are)? Do you have pretty hair? Drive an expensive car? Obsessed with getting on the show-boat feature on Soccer AM? Then look no further than Tottenham. We are always happy to accommodate people who just fancy a bit of superfluous fun, and as we don’t really tie you down, if you fancy moving onto one of the other more regimental clubs out there we won’t stand in your way. But be warned, you won’t find anywhere else more relaxed and laid-back than us. No Ketchup limit here! And don’t forget we even make sure your name is down on the guest list for Faces. Yes, we take good care of our members*.

*All members have to adhere to the terms and conditions of their membership. We are happy to help with an transitional problems you may experience. If you fail to settle or simply want something more challenging and demanding we'll make sure your membership is transferred to a club of your choice if substantial compensation for the termination of your contract can be agreed to.

We also offer spending money in the way of vouchers which are transferred into sterling straight to your bank account on the strict guideline that it’s spent on your image and lifestyle, so make sure your hair highlights and shoes are yelling out ‘I’m rich and I love it!’

Come be one of the lads!

If you’re carrying a bit of a knock, that’s fine. That won't stop you from joining up with us. We’ll still let you get involved in all the activities*. And if you suddenly need a prolonged rest we’re make sure you are comfortable until you’re ok to join in again. Even if it means missing some of our more prestigious jolly boy outings to Anfield, Goodison Park, Villa Park and Old Trafford that might not be available as part of the travel schedule for our next calender year.

*We currently do not offer any development and improvement classes in specialist and basic skills or team building exercises.

If you’ve only just recently left us and fancy coming back we’ve also got special rates for returning members so make sure you don’t miss out! We understand the grass is not always greener on the other side and thus we are happy to re-accommodate you, which means you get all the benefits you had the first time round. It will be just like you’ve never been away!

If you’re not sure about whether we are the right club for you and you're having difficulties making up your mind, rest assured we have people that will make you at ease. We have the very best mediators in the business and offer fantastic compensation to your existing club to help with your move over to us. Our club chairman and our event organiser and manager will make sure any lingering voice in the back of your mind is exorcised in no time. We've been the talk of the town since 1961! Do not miss out on this big and great experience!

Yes, this is Tottenham Hotspur. The bean-bag of clubs. Sit in it, and relax! You'll just love it here!

What our members say:

"I'm here for the Wembley days out. Don't care much about anything else. It's a good laugh, innit?"

“It’s lovely here. I get to practice my star-jumps all the time”

“The gaffer is great. Really takes care of everyone. But I think he’s having problems with his club-card as he can’t stop complaining about it. I think it must have belonged to the previous bloke who only had two points on it. He's having problems adding more.”

“I’m a bit scared of the ball, so it’s great that I don’t need to header it”

“I’ve signed up cause it gives me something to do until I move to Manchester”

"It's brilliant. I highly recommend it. When we travel outside of London, it's great that we can always leave early to travel back home. Those extra couple of minutes make all the difference"

A review of this weeks defeat away to Bolton will follow shortly....