The Dream is Over

It's a great shame Andrei Arshavin has signed for Arsenal. I was hoping for a follow-up to his special guest blog but apparently his fitness level is of far more importance and alas, he doesn't have the time to spare.

He is however still able to provide us with a little off-the-cuff entertainment. Interviewed yesterday he managed to drop this wonderful straight-faced gem:

Interviewer: "Have you spoken to Roman Pavlyuchenko about your move yet?"
Arshavin: "No."
Interviewer: "Why not?"
Arshavin: "He's not a friend of mine."

He then followed this quip with something about inviting Pav round to his hotel room now that he's living in London. Don't go Pav. Its blatantly a trap.

So, anyway, as a concluding ode to the little man, let's enjoy his finest moments as complied by DoctorSpur (over at GG.co.uk).

8th July 2008:

"My dream is Barça," Arshavin said. "But to say that isn't new. The whole world knows that I have dreamed forever about going to Barça. Messi, Arshavin, Henry? Messi is very, very good and to play with him must be a marvel, and the same goes for Henry. What more can I say? I would love it. Barça is a team that can win 7-0 or lose 4-3 because their style of football is going on the attack. As long as I remember it's been like that and all that fills me with enthusiasm. "For that reason I've followed Barça closely for a long time."

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/transfers/arshavins-heart-set-on-dream-transfer-to-barcelona-870741.html

8th August 2008:

“My desire to leave is still as strong, but there is nothing more to do now other than hope for a miracle."

http://www.clubcall.com/tottenham-hotspur/arshavin-wants-spurs-move-769102.html

"I also like the way Tottenham play, so I agreed in principle to join. A short while later a representative from Spurs arrived to discuss my personal terms and contract. The discussion didn’t take long and we agreed on everything quickly."

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/article1533111.ece

18th November 2008:

"Playing for Bayern is a dream."

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/european/arshavin-reveals-bayern-dream-1023609.html

10th December 2008:

"I can confirm that officials from Zenit have begun preliminary negotiations with Real Madrid about my transfer."

http://www.goal.com/en/news/1705/real-madrid/2008/12/10/1005326/andrei-arshavin-confirms-real-madrid-talks

3rd February 2009:

“I am happy to be [here] at Arsenal. It was my dream. “[I chose Arsenal] because I like their style and I like Arsene Wenger as a coach.”

http://www.thesportreview.com/tsr/2009/02/arshavin-arsenal-move-is-dream-come-true/

Arshavin, finally achieving his dream at the 5th time of asking.

Thank God we only have players who genuinely want to wear the shirt. You know, like Robbie Keane. And Pascal Chimbonda. And Jermain Defoe.

Cough.

Andrei's Magical Mystery Tour

This week I am mostly wanting to play in:

The Premiership.
by guest blogger Andrei Arshavin.

Hello, my name is Andrei. Andrei Arshavin. You might remember me from Zenit's UEFA Cup games when we achieved great success in lifting the silverware, defeating the Glasgow in Manchester. I also play for Russia and I am their star player. I'm sure you remember my famous baby-face cheek when celebrating a goal in the European Championships.

You know the one. It's when I look into the camera and shrug knowingly, with a glum yet ironically tinged pout of the lips, suggesting to the viewers I know they know how good I am and I don't mind it at all. No? You don't remember the celebration? Really? Here is a picture I have prepared for you to help jog your memory:

This is me. Andrei.

I am still playing my domestic football for Zenit, but want to play elsewhere. I must leave Zenit. I have been leaving them for many months now. This is not a debate, it is fact. My dream move would be to Barcelona. I have supported them my whole life and even own a shirt that my agent gave me to prove my loyalty to the Catalans whilst photographed by many reporters. Here is another picture of me with a Barcelona shirt when I was a little younger. They are my boyhood club and no matter who I play for, I will always play for them in my heart of hearts even when playing for someone else.

That is not lipstick. The photo has exaggerated the colour of my lush pink lips and made them look red, red like the colour of the Arsenal, one of my English dream moves if possible, please.

 
I think I would be perfect for Barca and players like Messi and Henry would compliment my special special play. Zenit need to allow me to go and follow my dream. My summer dream move to Tottenham was sabotaged by Zenit's greed. Yes I am worth more than £20M but do not hold everyone to ransom. Let me be free to claim my destiny. And look at Spurs. They are fighting relegation because I am not there to create goals for them. My good friend Roman is struggling without my cheeky yet deceptive skill. Same say Spurs have pre-contract with Zenit and Zenit wait for bigger bid first before selling. I say this is sh*t. It is rumour from the gutter.

My new dream move a couple of months ago was Bayern of Munich of Germania. This is a dream but Zenit did not allow me to achieve this destination. I am not a slave. Europe must not be denied my petulant magic on the field. My cheeky glum shrugging should not be anchored to Russian land only. Here is a picture of me:

Why so serious? Because I am serious to leave the Zenit

The winter transfer window is now open, and I believe I am a step closer to playing with my boyhood club Barcelona or Munich. My other dream club. However, I like England. My friend Roman says it's cold like Russia. My agent Mr Latcher is speaking with the Arsenal about a move. It is a dream to play in the Premiership and Arsenal. I also have a picture of me in a Arsenal shirt when I was young:

Proof of my Arsenal bloodline

I am counting the seconds down to the closure of the transfer window when Zenit finally allow me to follow my dream and depart for North London where I will destroy teams with my vision and tapestry of talent

I like North London. But not sure of the Spurs. Ramos is gone, no? Harry Redknapp has a scary face. If Barca, Bayern, Chelsea and Arsenal, if these dreams do not happen, then yes, why not Tottenham? My friend Roman is there. I speak to him regularly. But Spurs is no longer dream. Just a nap. And this High Road you have, I can not find Louis Vuitton anywhere.

Tottenham? It's not sexy.

But my heart is set. I must be a Arsenal player. My agent told me this and my dream is now clear. I must not wait any longer. They should pay Zenit all of the money up-front in cash. It is fair, no? I am worth it. I am a footballer and want to play football where my heart is, and my heart although its above my gut, its soul is in the Emirates Arena. Adebayor, van Persie, Walcott...... they will learn much from me and how to celebrate goals with true style.

Islington? Much more sexy than Tottenham High road.

Arsenal for me is the team I must be playing for. They must make sure my agent is happy and then I play for them. My agent understands football and what is dear to my heart. I hear good things about the Arsenal area. I visited recently when I was on holiday in London and it is my favourite place. I want to visit the Bierodrome in Angel. It has many beers. Russian beer as well I hope. And I hear many sexy girls in this place.

They are all angels in Angel, with wings to fly to my hotel

It is my dream to be with Islington girls. Many of them. Zenit must not stand in my way. My dreams for Barca, Munich and Chelsea are no more. I will be 100% committed and pray and pray Arsenal pay my worth to my club and then big holiday for Mr Latcher. If no deal, Mr Latcher will buy my contract and I will be free agent in the summer and then I go anywhere I want. For football reasons. And some money for Louis Vuitton. Yes - Arsenal is my dream.

Unless Manchester City want me. They are a big club building for Champions League. Bigger than Chelsea. Kaka is not great, but I am. They do not need Kaka and I can play golf and make goals for Bellamy. Bid for me City, if you want me to want you to be my dream.

Next week: It is my dream to play for Juventus and Inter.