What the Dicken’s? (A guide to Pompey)
Thursday, April 8, 2010 at 10:10AM by guest-blogger Tricky
Ok, so by now some of you know that I do not reside in north London, in fact my parents moved when I was a nipper to the sunny south coast. Subsequently, having moved and lived in different places along the coast, I am perhaps adequately placed to fill you in on the Pompey fans and what they have to live with which makes them, well, the way they are really.
The first thing to note is that they are faithful and local, faithful to the point of sectioning (I don’t think we need to mention any names or put any pictures up of anyone, but we all know who I mean. You know the one I mean, legend to the locals, the one with the bell, a sort of cross between a school teacher, the mad hatter and Cher) and local because there has to be a damned good reason for following a team that’s about as popular as a Geiger counter at a Sushi Bar in West London.
To be fair I find this aspect of their fan base to be properly admired, in a day and age when kids support the SKY4 across the land for the brand they hold, Pompey is at least a club of passionate and loyal fans, misguided of course, but very much a ‘local club for local people’.
You're welcome to come and visit, as long as you're one of us
As an aside, I would also like to say at this point that every Spurs fan should have a mate who’s a Pompey fan. I have many (perhaps more than will be strictly healthy over the weekend) and there is always one who immediately springs to mind whenever asked what Pompey fans are like. This one in particular is a ‘god’ in my eyes, and when I say ‘god’ I mean ‘idiot’.
He is someone I can always look at in relation to my own messed up world and think ‘no matter how bad things are, I could have been born like him’. To be fair he's a decent honest sort of bloke, low ranking navy type, deckhand basically (although it does make me worry about how safe our country is exactly given that we’re an island, fortunately for us GB PLC is pretty much worthless before you worry too much).
Anyway, to know him is to love him, and to love him is to pity him, he is a ‘true blue’ through and through. An innocent, pure and stupid, would believe anything you said (say for example ‘your new billionaire owner is putting £200 million into the squad this year’) – now who doesn’t want a friend like that, I ask you, he’s like a loveable puppy that you can kick a few times and he’ll still come up to you with that glazed look in his eye and his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.
In footballing terms, they have also recently been one of the ‘holding bays’ for players for / from north London, in case you’re wondering how closely we’ve been linked to them in the past consider this recent list of transfers between the clubs:
Noe Pamerot, Pedro Mendes, Wayne Routledge, Sean Davies, Michael Brown, Keving Prince Boateng, Younes Kaboul (twice), Jermain Defoe (twice), Jamie O’Hara, Niko Krancjar and Peter Crouch (and I’m chosing to ignore those from the dark side for now).
Oh, and there is of course the minor matter of our acquisition of their previously much marmited manager. Subject of derision and admiration in a manner not unequal to our own supporters.
So you see, our lives and in some cases teams are interlinked, they aren’t really a team to dislike per se, ok they can appear a little bit bitter, but you can understand that as they’ve become victims of chairmen who were chasing money based on the ‘I’ll pay you tomorrow’ principal. The fans have paid dearly for the ineptitude and poor fiscal management by those in charge. It’s almost enough to make you feel for them, but then they were happy enough in the fizzy pop league before and they will be again.
And so to add to your knowledge and perhaps a few facts about Portsmouth, the surrounding areas and the local people / customs which may help you in some of the ‘eloquent and enlightened banter’ that no doubt some of you may become engaged in over the weekend please bear in mind the following:
- Paulsgrove is one of the many delightful ‘estates’ in the surrounding area that became famous for hounding a ‘paediatrician’ out of his home (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6540497.stm).
- Leigh Park, another delightful nearby local estate, appeared in the 'top 10 chav places’ on chavtowns.co.uk in 2005, (Cosham also appears quite high up on the list)
- DO NOT inadvertently upset a Pompey fan accidentally by refering to him as a ‘saints fan’, should you do so to find that he objects, on no account suggest that both cities are pretty much interchangeable.
- Gosport is a poor man’s Pompey, only people from Gosport will deny this.
- Gunwharf Quays is a great place to visit if you want to buy all that Fred Perry and Ralph Lauren stuff that they could sell at full price in their ‘proper shops’. There is also, somewhat surprisingly a Burberry outlet there as well. Go figure.
- Technically Portsmouth is an island, meaning that it can at any point in time be cut off from access by building a large wall to the north of the island. I’m just putting it out there.
- Portsmouth people hate Southampton people due to a docker’s strike in the 1950’s, in fact the term ‘scum’ or ‘scummers’ used by Pompey fans stems from the ‘South Coast Union Men of Southampton’ who crossed picket lines. Since the 1950’s 5/6 generations (depending on which area of either city you’re in) on each side have passed and the hatred is still there, though no-one is really sure if the original reason is relevant anymore. It’s now simply written into birth certificates that each will hate the other.
- The loving term that Southampton fans have for Pompey fans is ‘skates’, (think of fishermen / sailors at sea for a long time and you’ll work it out).
- The fact that ‘Fratton Park’ backwards is ‘Krap Nott Arf’ is purely coincidental.
- Oh yeah, and literary great Charles Dickens was born in Pompey, the irony of their current plight and it’s comparative to any number of his works of literature will be lost on many, this is an avenue best avoided with a great many Pompey fans, they haven’t read, anything, ever.
So there we have it then, a quick guide to Pompey fans 'The Dickensian Bunch' a mixture of Great Expectations, Hard Times and Bleak House.
They’re quite an eclectic mix, not unlike our good selves in some regards, but perhaps more like a mongrel offshoot of the family. Not really ‘one of your own’, but one of those relatives that seem a bit feral, the sort you can throw it a few bones every now and then and they’ll survive quite happily like the doe-eyed poor misguided trusting fools that they are.
As for the game itself, I don’t expect much, a win of course, and hopefully a comfortable one (if the league game is anything to go by). But goddamn it if this isn’t just tinged with the air of 'one of those FA Cup’ games that history is riddled with.
So enjoy the game one and all, or as they sign off in Pompey: ‘Bob’s your uncle, and your dad’.
Bob's your Bob
Reader Comments (67)
rvervevr
you are a FUCKING TWAT!!
Great article. I lived in Southampton, Spurs fan mind. And that's a spot on assessment.
Passionate fans Portsmouth but the bloke with the cowbell has to be the most annoying football fan on the planet.
Tricky, you live in the Portsmouth area? Do you have death wish? Brave man.
The Paediatrician was in Newport in Gwent you numpty
There was an incident in Portsmouth too. Its not the one referenced in that article.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4719364.stm
I think it's an 'urban myth'.
Decent article Tricky, the history bits about soton/pompey was insightful. Prefer Pompey to Soton though.
unnecessary article - Spooky please invoke some editorial control....
Portsmouth fans brighten up the Premiership with their passion, though I do agree the John Mr Pompey whatever his name is, is a complete twat.
It doesn't matter whether the article is "necessary", the fact is people who breath spurs and are bored at work (please stand up) take pleasure in reading such articles. Nice one Tricky, a little educational with a bit of comedy thrown in. If only schools taught like this, our youth may have a bit more of a chance!
There is no love for the guestbloggers.
I quite like some of the guest blogs. Don't get why people are so up in arms and if you've followed this blog for longer than a year you'll know that Spooky has posted far more damning article.
Anyone care to remember 'Let's Relegate Newcastle'.
Classic stuff. On both accounts.
SB, one of the five people hounded out of their homes was also a paediatrician, that's why it was under the section in the beeb article paragraph titled 'paediatrician'.
Clearly not a well written piece as it is implied rather than explicit. I dunno, these 'Beeb reporters', honestly, what are they like?
The Paediatrician story was (is) a fabrication.Newspaper article at the time both cited Gwent and Portsmouth. But I guess there is a reason why of all the towns in Britain, those two were nominated.
Stay tuned for the sequel titled: "What's in my shed? bits of string, paint thinner and other interesting items."
Enough about the paediatrician.
The guide was funny. I think Spooky should write one to counter-balance it, ripping the piss out of us Spurs folk. No doubt he'll be hounded out of his home in similar fashion for crimes against the illuminati.
Regardless of the island mentality of Portsmouth and that travesty of a human (Mr Portsmouth), their fans are loud, proud and back their side 100%. Good luck to them. Rather them in the Prem than the likes of Burnley and Hull or even Wigan.
Sunday will not be easy I reckon and I expect them to out sing us too.
Why do people feel the need to slate the guest bloggers?
If you don't like it close the window down and get on with your day.
Some people are complete idiots.
Tricky keep up the good work mate.
Atmosphere on Sunday will be monster. Only worry is stage fright from us because the expectancy is so great in our favour.
Nice read Tricky,
I once saw about 200 blokes brawling at Havant station at midnight whilst the coppers stood there chatting to me. Apparently one of them had "got off with another ones bird" and called his mates. Proper "Grovers vs Parkies"
They'd also missed the last train home!
But the most annoying though has to be the word "Squinney"
Dare I ask what that means?
TRICKY,
How about that CUNT CAMBELL?
to complain, whinge or moan apparently.
He done well not to reference Judas by birth name.
Osvaldo, leave it out. Vaginas don't deserve that abuse
I'm grateful to myself that I've managed to avoid the naked photo of judas that has appeared on various sites. Shocking stuff.
Thanks Tricky,
For editing out my question about the name of other former Tottenham players, Is this site fair dinkum or what, I only mentioned the name (seem I cannot say it without beiing censored) SOUP (AS MADE IN JOCKLAND BY A GRANNIE) as a player that you did not mention in former THFC players who wre at Pmouth........accepted the fact that he did not go directly there ....Hope you and Spooky now have the balls to leave my post alone....get some balls and see what he gets and deserves when the Arse visit next week.
SORRY, DONE A BAD ONE HERE,
Thought that you had censored my last post but evidently not Apologies Thricefold etc, etc, God at this moment I feel like Campbells boyfriend. sorry.
I thought that was a cracking good read actually.
Nathan,
Yeah, means to be in a mood. As you can imagine however, when someone is constantly asking you "are you in a squinney?" or "what are you having a squinney about?" - then you want to kill them.
Thankfully in my trade, I got to train it out of people as it was considered unprofessional and rude to use local slang to customers.
For all it's bad points however, Southsea beers in the summer is hard to beat :-D
*are (!)
WALOOB
Frazzier , did you mean what I said or the Author of the post?
I'm a Pompey fan and thought that was actually quite funny. If you can't have a bit of banter ...
The paedetrician story and the Dockyard strike are both urban myths.
Here's to a good game on Sunday and let's hope for one of those FA cup upsets that will live in the memory ;)
Really? The Dockyard strike never happened or the stories around it are exaggerated?
Usual self-indulgent twaddle
Jog on then
Anything over 2 sentences can be a hardship for some.
SHELF SPUR, POMPEY WILL DEFINATELY OUT SING THE 'YIDS'
just because it is over two sentences does not mean that it must be good killjoy.boring, unfunny and factually incorrect.
keep the standards up spooky by saving us from this bore
Killjoy - I used to work in the dockyard and have followed Pompey since the 70s and have only recently heard the dockyard strike story. We have always called them 'scummers' - just presumed it was because it was apt and also began with 's'. I stand to be corrected tho.
Incidentally 'skate' has always been - and still is - Pompey slang for sailors. They only relatively recently started calling us skates. Obviously some retaliation for being called 'scummers' was needed and they couldn't think of anything original!
Sorry WO, that was patronising of me. Each to their own I guess.
So why the hatred again?
Fuck the dockyards how about football, I thought that the words scum and arse only refferred to woolich wanderers
It won't be an easy game. They will be pumped up, nothing to lose nothing to fear. There's always that self-doubt with Tottenham that can be our own worse enemy. That's how we could lose our way. Would be shocked if that was the outcome. But it's still enough for me to be concerned, be it a little.
I live in West London but was brought up and educated in Portsmouth. This article is at best, a hideously patronising exercise in disinformation produced for retarded north Londoners who might actually believe such rubbish. We have a university in Portsmouth. Is there one in North London?
PETER,
We all went to Ox and Cambs instead !!
Football and football supporters are pigeon holed in groups of stereotypes. No different to geographical stereotypes. Tricky has tongue firmly in cheek. Although I'm sure most of us could write up something not too dissimilar about Liverpool victims..I mean fans.
Peter...
1. www.mdx.ac.uk. Think that's Trent Park and the North Circ.
2. Are pompey still selling tickets to fans that have been to at least 1 match this season?
Miguel...
Do you also reckon that the 17,000 middle tier of Wembley will all (actually any of it) be Pompey? Better get singing!