The Five Stages

Denial.

It's not two points dropped - it's a point gained at Fortress St Andrews. Chelsea got nothing there. We've got players out injured, about sixty to seventy players. We're decimated. Our defence is beyond the realms of depletion. We've got a sixth choice centre-back in there ffs people! And JD is a bit rusty what with only just returning from injury. But it's still all good. We got a point there last season too, didn't we? It's a good result. And don’t fret, Defoe will regain his sharpness soon, he's three to four games away from being fully fit. Just needs a couple more appearances on the Xtra Factor and he'll be tip top. He'll be able to beat the offside trap blindfolded, I promise you. There’s nothing wrong with our strike-force. It will come good soon. They got lucky, should have been three or four to us. Mark my words. Everything is just fine. It's dandy.

Anger.

Mary mother of Christ, why? Why damn it, why? What's the point in beating Arsenal and Liverpool and then not following it up with another win? Can we not just hold out in the final ten minutes of a game? Its ten minutes. That's ten minutes of pulling it and holding it together without collapsing. Ten minutes, it’s not exactly the length of time it took Benjamin Button to regress from an old man back into a baby. And yet we manage to turn from giants into mice the moment the clock ticks over the 80th minute mark.

Same old Tottenham. Why didn’t Harry instruct his players correctly from the dugout? What the hell does he get paid to do? All he has to do is change it, you know, do something. Formations or something clever. Or a sub or two but not a substitution that fails to make us win. The sub has to work. And if it does works then, granted, it won't be down to him, just luck, but at least the result will be in our favour.

Ten minutes left and they equalise. It's gotta be Harry and his non-existent tactics. All his previous victories against Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and City? Flukes. The lot of them. Flukes. He doesn't have a clue. Winging it. That's what he's doing. I could do his job. Sit on the bench, twitch a bit. Send a Russian on. Easy.

And Crouch, what is the point of Crouch exactly? We might as well play a ladder up front, it would probably give away fewer free kicks and is undoubtedly a better dancer. Can't head the ball, the ladder, so no difference there.

Why can't we just stick our chances away like other top top sides do? Harry really doesn't have a clue with how to make our forwards move about the pitch aptly and kick the ball in the net. Useless.

Bargaining.

Please tell me it's going to be fine? I promise to wash my lucky 1981 circa y-fronts  for the first time if we can just win two or three on the bounce. That's all I want. Just another run of games, three points a time. I promise I won't slate Jenas or Wilson or Crouchie. And no more accidental collisions with Chirpy when he's out shopping for the weekend in Tesco's. Unless he stares at me because then he's asking for a punch in his big fat stupid head. Or the back of his head when he's not looking, depends where I'm positioned to be honest. And if his wife, the skanky chicken, happens to get in the way. Self-defence your honour, self defence.

I'll sing my heart out unequivocally just for some sustained consistency and end product. We just need a defensive midfielder in there to compensate for the determent of our creative players always pushing up and the inability of our forwards to retain possession in the final third. Wasteful of the ball in areas of intent. Which results with the likelihood of dropped points because we allow the opposition a chance to claw it back. It’s cheap.

One goal is never enough, right? Or is it? No, it is. I reckon it is. If we don’t ship any in the opposite direction.

Depression.

What's the point? I can't handle this. I can't handle the expectancy and the pressure of needing us to win every game. It's just too much weight for me to carry on my shoulders. City have too much money, we can't compete, we just can't compete. In the long run we're going to lose out, so what's the bleeding point of it all if it's going to end in tears? We're gonna be crippled by the new stadium any  ways.

And Bale. Christ, we're going to sell Bale, I can feel it in my bones. Levy wants the money for his transfer kitty when we move to Stratford. Oh God no, not Stratford. I can't handle this, I don’t want to handle any of it. Just want peaceful tranquillity. This is just too much. We didn't even get a club shop dvd of the 3-2 win at the swamp. The Arsenal fans were right, it doesn't count. It doesn't count! Should have been a dvd! Ah damn you! God damn you all to hell!

And St Andrews. 1-1, when it should have been 1-0. I'd rather not experience this ilk of low. I wish we were mid-table going nowhere again. That type of hurt, it's hurt I can live with. Its gentle hurt, not losing three on the trot is 'good form' type of hurt. We're rubbish but its okay we're rubbish. Like West Ham. That type of disappointment, that type of expected disappointment, it's easier to cope with.

One clean sheet in twenty-two. One clean sheet in twenty-two. How's this title winning form? We might not be bottom but we should be. This is an unmitigated disaster. I'm taking the toaster to the bathroom. Oh Christ, I forgot to pay the electricity bill. I hate you Tottenham.

Acceptance.

It's going to be fine. We've been here before haven't we? We drew, it's not like we lost. We drew up at Everton last season, that was a far worst result but it didn't matter in the end. We learnt from it. We've got a patched up defence coming off one of the best weeks in our recent history, qualifying for the Champions League with a game to spare. Not much Harry could have done tactically. Gone more defensive? Killed the game off? Perhaps. But if the Brummies had scored after a tactical change by the gaffer he'd have been slated for not being positive enough had he gone defensive. If Pav had knocked one in we'd all be laughing now. Mistakes, individual mistakes are hardly the fault of the manager. Need to be clinical up top. Then manager will be deemed a genius.

Dropped points might catch up with you by the end of the season but then again it probably won't when others are dropping points but I guess had we picked up points when we needed to we could have placed down a marker and pushed onwards because if we win and others don't then we've got an advantage but it's hardly as convincing as when we drop points and they win. When that happens we're in masses of trouble. So what will be will be. We'll end up where we deserve to end up. Much like last season.

5th spot currently. Six points off the top. Three points off the Champions League places. Yes, yes, all good. 1-1 draw with Birmingham just another reminder of what needs to be fixed if we're going to progress to the next level:

Clean sheets. Defence needs to be consistent. Midfield bossing the tempo and dictating play - i.e. shut up shop, kill the game off with controlled possession. Do not invite the opposition to come a knocking on the door. Forwards holding up the ball intelligently and finishing off chances, clinically.

Easy. Jot it down on a clipboard.

Next up, Chelsea. It's up to Harry to navigate us through the game to victory using Cerebro-amplified powers to man-manage our players minds and feet and result with the Prem League offering us four points for the win.

Patience, it's the key. Missing players returning, the January window opening. I can wait. Patience. I promise I've got patience in abundance. We're not doing all that shabby all things considering. I can wait. Just a bit longer. We're almost there. I'm in the departure lounge. Just waiting for the delayed outgoing flight to be scheduled for boarding. Got my ticket. Not long now, not long. One way ticket to the that bit of land just beyond the promised land.

It’s going to be fine.

Faith. Keeping it.

Massively.

Three gripes

Trying to rationalise yesterdays result.

We created (apparently) 18 chances including hitting the woodwork. Although the chances were never always clear cut and usually long range efforts, there's an undisputed argument that for the best part of the game we dominated in terms of possession and intent to go forward and score. Sunderland defended, we attacked. Okay so our version of attack is not quite the swashbuckling variant we have been accustomed too in recent seasons. Our movement up top is not the best. We tried to win the game and probably would have won it if Gallas and Kaboul did not brain fart in synchronicity to allow the equaliser from their first effort.

There are two gripes here. Three gripes. Probably more, but I'll go with the three for now.

Gripe #1 - Forwards, lack of. I know this is turning into a weekly excuse but there is a deficiency in our league games that is making the performance appear worse than it actually is. It's all about scoring goals, obviously, and if you don't you're not going to be winning many games. Even when we play just above average football we still endeavour to craft and create. But the issue remains because we don't have a robust tenacious forward in the side, it's akin to Zorro being asked to sword fight with a haddock in his hand. However, as witnessed at Bolton, we can score goals. It's the one dimensional application that places us under pressure and the longer the game goes on the more it plays on our minds.

Gripe #2 - Urgency, lack of. For around 70 minutes we asked all the questions. But it felt like we stood there speaking in a monotone drool slowly working through a power-point presentation made up of bland and boring graphs and stats. Where was the intentionally placed photo of a woman in a bikini in amongst the slides to brighten up the presentation? It's all a bit one gear, same speed with little variation. See end of gripe #1. Now perhaps I'm being a little harsh here because I know there are several of you (I've checked) that believe it was a 'frustrating result but not a frustrating performance'. I appreciate what you're trying to say here, but it is a frustrating performance because the players need to work just that little bit harder and we need to go beyond just 'asking questions' and just ram it down their throats a bit like Steve Jobs jumping around on stage during a key-note speech screaming 'IT'S MAGIC, IT'S MAGIC, IT'S MAGIC!'.

Okay, go on then, you've forced me into it. Here's another analogy. We're like an iphone 4. We look fantastic out the box but if we struggle to fulfil the most important function, then we're practically rendered useless. We need a new antenna (see gripe #1 again) because trying to hold ourselves up in an awkward manner is simply not working. Unless we're in Europe. Where reception is pretty good.

Last season we churned out results. Whether it was with or without key players. Our midfield in the past might have resulted in a migraine or two, so the irony of having a midfield now but nothing up top hurts. But even so, it's not like we're not creating chances. There simply has to be more urgency in our play. Get into the box, hassle, do or die even if its unwarranted in terms of it being a club like Sunderland (rather than a NLD). Works for United in the tenth minute of injury time. We need to make it work for us. Because with that attitude, if we did have a working forward, we'd be laughing proudly.

Gripe #3 - The basics. This is something that leaves me scratching my head. And it might be something that isn't looked at in terms of major reconstruction internally but there's enough to make me hope Harry does takes a look. It's the simple stuff. Like set pieces. The way we defend them is obviously something we all know is an issue. But I'll concentrate on the way we attack them, or should I say not attack them. Countless corners - no end product. Not suggesting we score from everyone but Christ, come on Spurs, make at least one of them count. We still don't appear to make the most of direct/in-direct free-kicks either. And in terms of desire the players have to understand that just going through the motions even if those motions are decent (in terms of passages of play) it's not always going to be enough to defeat the opposing side. Players have to adapt in game and add some ooh into the oomph. If Bale is being doubled up and there's no Lennon on the other side, swap it around for ten minutes. Force Sunderland into changing their shape. Reshuffle damn it.

Felt yesterday evening was a routine display where we just did the same thing over and over again. Enough to win it, excluding the mistake that meant we didn't. When we did score our goal it was from the first decent cross from Bale and vdV once more alert to the nod down from Crouch. There is more to us than this. Even with missing players and that need for a new forward. We are not this one dimensional. And let's be frank here, a man holding a fish might not be as cutting as a man holding a sword, but you can still smack someone in the face with it. 

Observations

Some observations and statto type stuff. Not that they need highlighting, but in case you've just woken up from a coma, read on. What with the fabled International Break now upon us, many will want to avoid slipping into a coma so best to keep talking about Spurs. No chance of boredom what with all the various arcs and sub-plots doing the rounds over in N17.

Goals Conceded, Goals Scored

Only Chelsea and City have conceded less goals in the league than us. But the former has scored almost double the amount we have. Sort of great, sort of not. Make-shift defence currently getting away with it or doing a sterling job. Depends on how deep you analysis from one game to the next. Down to bare bones, yet we keep plugging away. As for our forwards and lack of goals...

One Goal

Seven Prem games in and the collective force of Defoe, Crouch, dos Santos, Roman and Keane have given us the one, single goal between them. If forwards are not scoring, then you have to look at their all round play to justify their inclusion. JD is injured. So that leaves just Crouch who does assist, at the very least. And he's good with his feet too, apparently. You know, for a tall bloke.

One Point

One point gained against Wigan, WBA and West Ham. And yet we find ourselves in the top 5. Man Utd haven't won away from home yet and are third. Either the league is very average or super competitive. The only thing we should be gutted about is that we are just as slow out of the blocks, stuttering away, much like 99% of the league.

What if...oh what if, we had hit the ground running and changed up a gear earlier in the season? This old season of seven games of age.

At the minute, even Chelsea who have stormed ahead, don't look out of this world amazing. They don't have to be. Man Utd, are looking mid-table. How's that for controversy. Fergie will have to sign 3/4 of our players in Jan to juice up his side again. Batten down the hatches, Daniel.

So, with us and 4th spot, it's going to be about who starts to pull away from their competition, and thus applying the pressure on the chasing pack. The alternative is, this stop-start we've got in the Prem at the moment which everyone seems to be embracing, continues, which will mean this season might well be the most open ever. More so than last season. Can you handle that? I'm still holding out with my prediction that we'll finish about City and we'll finish in the Top 4. Again. There is something eerie about the Prem this season.

England squad

Crouch is joined by Huddlestone and Lennon. May the Gods have mercy on us this time round. We're a big club now, right? Can they not all pull out due to slight knocks?



Tottenham Hotvaart

Spurs 2 Villa 1

At this rate I'm going to soon run out of superlatives for Rafael van der Vaart. Perhaps someone can spike his pre-match drink with horse tranquilliser so he can spend at least one weekend sitting by the corner flag with the only dribbling coming out of his mouth, rather than covering every blade of grass in that look at me I'm so frigging great way we're becoming accustomed too. Would give me a welcomed break from having to draft up love letter after love letter, the attention seeking show-off. If he isn't hogging the headlines he's hugging the grannies.

This never-ending tenacity he possesses to constantly impress and make things happen. Love sigh. He's got that special mix of technical ability, vision, urgency and the belief and desire to make the difference.

There are plenty of footballers who give it the one hundred per cent, week in week out. But if you take someone with genuine (world) class and that someone goes above and beyond what many would expect as the passable norm, well, it's enough to make you go all weak at the knees. It would be easy for him to play like a luxury player because that's what Tottenham are use to seeing or at least have been in the past. You have to admire the impact he wishes to bestow us in every game.

I don't really care at this precise moment in time about why he cost so little and whether Levy has one eye on future profit or possibly the gift of first refusal for Madrid on one of our players. I don't really care about the potentiality of failing to reclaim fourth and the expected but uninvited guest who would sniff around White Hart Lane with that unmistakable fat red nose. I don't care if he's doing a Berbatov. I don't care if the player himself simply took the chance because it was better than spending his time sitting on a bench in Madrid. If you are of this pessimistic ilk, what brilliant irony would it be if vdV dragged us into a fourth place finish? The fact is, the future hasn't happened yet, we're laying its foundations in the present.

He's ours. He plays in Lilywhite. And he makes that difference. Spurs now have their very own Gerrard/Lampard/Fabregas/do Utd have one at the minute? Rooney I guess. We have ourselves a game-changer. We have a catalyst.

The hacks might want us to believe he's a ticking time-bomb, what with their tiny brains struggling to comprehend why he's even playing for us (Sunday Supplement on Sky Sports strikes again) because it's just not right there has to be something amiss for him to be playing in our colours. Because if he's that good, he shouldn't be. Because what right do we have? Yeah, well, whatever. He's a time-bomb, the type that will blow up in their patronising miserable faces.

It should take another 3-6 games, but this team will have to start gearing up towards that higher level, that better standard that we need to be playing at if we're going to start to pull away which is what we need to do. I think the word 'hope' / 'hopefully' needs to be added to the above.

He sets the precedence for what a proper performance should be. It's the type of all action, plenty of plot that will have some questioning this paradox. And as Harry has stated, he needs to work out how best to work the mechanics of the side with vdV in it. On the right. On the right but free to roam into the middle. In the middle. Just behind the the front man. It's a headache, but not the type you can complain about.

However, the reality is, we are still not bossing games, we are still making it tricky for ourselves. Still having to dig deep and pull the win out of the grasp of two points lost or worse. But gaffer and team are doing what needs to be done to try and come through this patch with damage limitation mode switched on, what with our injuries and that tactical evolution that's keeping everyone on their toes.

In terms of CB's, its unnerving. Hudd having to deputise at the back against Villa. He didn't do too badly considering the risk of playing him there. Uncomfortable but got better as the game progressed. It's not exactly an upheaval of Biblical proportions, but we're adapting and learning from week to week in terms of what is best for us to attempt to gain some of that stability in play and momentum. It does have to settle soon. And in addition Harry is having to also manage the various sub-plots including the form of Lennon and Palacios.

We've also go Hutton, re-born. Still needs to be tweaked defensively and offensively in terms of positioning and when to go marauding. And if vdV is going to continue to drift away from the right, we need to help out Alan on that flank.

Bale can never be imprisoned at left-back again. He put in a hard working shift. Didn't take centre-stage for once. What with Villa sticking 15 players on him at any given time.

Jenas, well, he still splits opinion, but if someone was to ask you what he does exactly, you'd be harsh to ignore that he's doing just fine, fulfilling the role in midfield that has allowed for a more (potentially) dynamic middle four/five. There were glitches against the Villa (not so much his fault, but what with no Hudd in midfield there was no clean-up sweep up for when JJ went forwards and the play broke down) and people are bound to latch onto the obvious frailties but compared to Wilson, he's proving far less of a risk to start with. It's not perfect. But the boy is getting forward with a sense of directional awareness and industry that has me not gleeful (let's not go overboard) but definitely pleased.

Modric struggled with his possession on Saturday, which is a rarity. He's on the same wave length as Rafa, but he's not Luka at full pelt at the moment. An off day. So the midfield was not the most balanced (hence the potentially dynamic middle four/five comment), but we got going in the second half far more efficiently than the first thanks to Harry changing it.

So, what of the game?

It was yet another dramatic end to end entertainment piece, presented at the Lane, in full Tecnicolor. Because we don't do boring black and white.

Not a great first half of football, although it ended well with vdV getting the first of his brace, heading the ball in thanks to Crouch nodding it across the goal. Heskey mugging Bassong to set up Villa's goal, bundles in by Albrighton who didn't look decent. All a bit too easy.

We were not coping with the battle against Villa's midfielders which saw the second half switch of Azza on for Pav to give us that extra man centrally and vdV pushing up behind Crouch (even though that's where he drifted to from the right hand side during the first half). Lennon, improved performance off the bench. Probably would have scored had he not been hacked down. Well done Harry for the quick and much needed shift of formation.

So, in that second forty-five we played far better, more controlled football. Villa, still wasteful at times, and far less effective with Heskey off (on the 35 minute mark) which meant more emphasis and concentration on attack than defence for us.

Crouch and his knock-downs worked a treat. Might not always score, but he gets the assists. Pav played a part in the first goal but otherwise, just doesn't do enough for me (white Darren Bent). Appeared to play with a touch more conviction that usual, but that's not saying much. Sacrificed, so it's unfair to be too critical as he attacked the penalty area and run the flanks prior to going off at HT. So on another day, he probably would have been in the right place at the right time at some point.

vdV's second was representative of that extra oomph we now have. His movement into the box, into that position, not once did he not look like someone who wasn't going to score. He practically willed the ball to his feet, the deft touch and dummy and blistering finish processed at lighting speed in his brain but executed in a split second for all to see. It was an Ali shuffle, knock-out punch. Have some of that.

We battled. We came from behind. We had six defenders unavailable. Two players in the side that at the start of the season were on everyone's list to be sold, given away, stuck in a cardboard box and thrown in the river. But the siege mentality of vdV was nothing short of absolute inspiration. We got lucky at times, but I guess it's not really luck. We have van der Vaart. Villa had Carew. You can only ever be as good as the players you've got.

The rest of our players need to match Rafa. Because at some point that higher level needs to be attained. On days like this you can be thankful for that much maligned squad depth. We're going to need everyone in the up and coming weeks to be completely focused. Daunting fixture list, will only be so if we lack faith.

As for the love letters. I guess I don't really mind writing them. Could be a lot worse, I could have been blowing kisses to Joe Cole or Scott Parker.

Shudder.

International Rescue(d)

W.B.A. v Spurs Preview

International break over. And we have around 14 weeks worth of injury layouts as a direct result. But don't fret. Engerland are back baby!

Dawson. Defoe. Not available. Michael for eight weeks. Jermain for six. No point theorising whether JD should have just gone with the surgery pre-England games, as the injury keeping him out is a new one.

Bare bones? Pushing it a little with that sound bite. We have depth, supposedly. Well not supposedly because we proved we had it last season when we were written off a few times. Our neighbours have their own plight to contend with too, so there's no point in what ifs and wtf's. But there's three points in WBA away. At least there better be. Hopefully. Chin up.

We've been dicked a few times in this fixture when Albion have been EPL present. It's tiresome. So regardless of whether Harry opts to try 4-5-1 with van der Vaart behind Pav/Keane/Crouch (pick one) or if he opts for the more traditional 4-4-2 and possibly starts with Keane and Crouch - we need to win this. Obviously. Champions League next week, games coming in thick and fast, this is what we worked so hard for last season to achieve and be part of. So, it's down to pre-match preparation, mental strength and desire. Then the application on the pitch. Professional and confident application. Not sure I can handle another Stokesque away win. We also need to get the Wigan defeat out of our system.

I feel for Daws and JD, what with some peach CL games up ahead. But usually, it's at these pivotal moments when expectancy remains high, but we remain a touch nervous. Could do with some rejuvenating magic from somewhere to re-kick start the season.

Harry has to get it spot on with formation and players. It's quite possible that some of our players will be rested/kept safe (King, vdV, the Croats) for the Germany trip. Also interesting to see who starts in goal for us. But let's just say we look to play a strong side rather than patching up the first team with current bench players.

4-4-2: Would have to be the usual Lennon/Palacios/Huddlestone/Modric line-up. Then it's either Keane/Pav and Crouch up front or one of three up front with vdV (in the hole). Bale left-back. So, sort of 442, but playing out as a 451 if the Dutchman starts.

4-5-1: (or whatever bastardised version it appears as) would have Palacios possibly sitting deeper as part of the five with an actual middle four just ahead of him consisting of Lennon, Hudd, Modric and vdV. Bale left-back again. One man up front. Whether its Moddle or vdV on the left, that's up for discussion.

I'm undecided who would work best as a lone forward (which is why I asked you to pick one earlier).

As for the usual forward conundrum, one or two Spurs fans predicting (wishing) a renaissance from the Orish forward. Others willing that Pav is given the chance. On the subject of a lone man up front...

Pav's movement and hold up play concerns me at times, but he strikes me as a player who might just score a few. Crouch has the intelligence to do a good job up there, but he's not as instinctive as Defoe in and around the box and has always been a better partner rather than the man leading from the front. Although I reckon he'll continue to prove me wrong in Europe.

Which leaves Keane. Who might, just might work if he remains more forward rather than spend time dropping deep to collect the ball. Although, perhaps with our new progressive Dutch maestro, we might see a more fluid style of play that sees our midfielders attacking the box more than in previous tactical set-ups. In my head, I can see how it works. Depends on how cautious Harry is and how much of his mind is on the CL rather than the EPL (I hope it's a one game at a time strategy).

Gallas also likely to debut.

I guess I'm quite undecided on this. Which is fine, because I'm just a fan and not the one that matters. I doubt Harry will be chalk boarding the night away. Down to trust now. What excites me is that there is a multitude of options available to us. Very adaptable players we possess. Got to get it right and play our best formation, home/away/in Europe - and stick with it. People wondered what the point of flirting with Joe Cole was, knowing his presence would perhaps cause middle field selection headaches. He wasn't signed. van der Vaart was. Wondering to continue until 3pm Saturday.

WBA haven't lost at home for a while. They are organised and it will be a good three points if we earn them.

COYS.

Forward Thinking

by Chrisman

A '20 goals a season man' is a bit of a red herring. These days 15 league goals are more than enough. We get goals from all over the pitch. We do however need another striker. Crouch should be 3rd choice. Harry doesn't seem to fully trust Pav....or, reading between the lines, maybe he views Pav as essential, and was saving him for the arguably bigger game on Tuesday.

Crouch's problem - he can't beat a man. He is not a threat at all receiving it with his back to goal and beating his man on the turn. Like Pav, Defoe, or any number of top strikers can. The problem this creates is that defenders know they can get ultra tight on him, because they know he's not going to go past them. Other top strikers will automatically have 2 yards of space because defenders know they have to drop off, or risk getting put on their asses with a sharp turn and sprint. This means they can receive the ball in a bit of space, and turn and go towards goal. It opens the pitch up. Crouch always has a man hanging off him, and he can only go one way - away from goal. This makes life difficult for him and us.

He often has to receive the ball to his head, because he can't properly run the channels and be in enough space to receive it to feet. Pav is so much better at this, and adds a different angle of attack when he does it, an angle Crouch rarely provides. We end up playing the long ball to Crouch far too much. You could say that this isn’t his fault, but you could also be a bit more astute. You could see that the reason we play this ball so much is because Crouch doesn’t have the speed of movement to offer any other option.

Yes Crouchie has a good touch, and when he has chances he can take them. But he is just too slow and immobile. Even the likes of Berbatov, Saha, Anelka etc can all hold the ball up, and also offer that ability to turn and go. Crouch is one dimensional. Admittedly, that one dimension is a dimension he is pretty good at. But it’s not quite enough.

I also believe that Crouch knows he is a bit out of his depth. His confidence is suffering slightly as a result. I think if he was used as a 'plan B' 3rd striker, he would be much more comfortable. He'd know that's the role that suits him best, and it's a role in which he can really offer something. It’s just I don’t feel he offers anything that Pav doesn’t, and Pav has a lot more in his locker than Crouch. I’m not saying Pav is the second coming of Klinsmann, but right now Crouch is making him look really good. At the very least Pav deserves a good run of 6-8 games where he is a guaranteed starter. It’s no more than Crouch has had after all.

Having 5 good forwards on our books might be a good thing if they were all emotionless automatons. But they ain’t, and there are only so many games in a season, and not nearly enough to keep all 5 happy. So we end up getting some silly situations like Saturday when you have to bring on 2 strikers at once. What about letting Defoe have 10 minutes with Pav? Did anyone really expect Keane to do anything positive? Why not bring on Dos Santos up front for the last 10 minutes? It’s easy to look at things in hindsight from my armchair, but logic seems to go out of the window when so many different parties have to be appeased. Having so many good strikers will do us more harm than good.

Strikers play on confidence. They have to know their role, and know the hierarchy. What kind of situation is it when 2 strikers start, and they know that if they don’t produce anything after an hour there are 2 replacements the manager is dying to throw on? It’s not a good look. I’m pretty certain Harry knows this, and it wouldn’t greatly surprise anyone to see 2 of the 5 leave in the next week. I’d be delighted to see Keane leave, and if Crouch left I certainly wouldn’t be too worried. As long as one comes in. That still leaves us with 4.

Any number of players would do. Forlan is obviously the dream choice. Fabiano is interesting, but I think he’s too much of a finisher. In the PL you need to be able to do a lot more than just finish to be a good striker. Berbatov is an interesting proposition. I would definitely like to see what him and Pav up front could do. The move is probably there for him if he really wants it. Loic Remy looks extremely raw. Gyan looked good in the World Cup. Milevsky of Kiev looks to be a good prospect. There are plenty of options, all offering great potential but also a fair degree of risk.

I don’t think any other area of the team needs major improvements. We saw last season that it was only a pretty small improvement needed to change us from a best of the rest team into a really serious contender. We have the cake. It just needs to be iced. Give me some sweet, creamy frosting please Mr Levy.

Forward thinking the only way

It's the calm before the storm, right? Reading the tabloids, watching Sky Sports News or trying to decipher the cryptic inside knowledge from the 'In the Know' community is proving to be as enjoyable as an England World Cup performance. That's not very enjoyable. Pockets of my brain are haemorrhaging from the boredom. It's not exactly exciting, but then arguably, there is no Klinsmann type of signing out there in these rather lacklustre modern days. And no yoof either, it would seem as the kids with potential prefer to completely bypass the stepping stone clubs* and move straight into the elite. Surely there's a younger version of Berbatov out there? Well, one that won't want to move on a season later. If that's okay. Not asking for much here, just some hunger and loyalty.

*What's that? We're not a stepping stone club anyone?

I'm half jesting. We signed Modric a couple of years back, so there is plenty of hope, no doubt festering in the shadows ready to jump out and scream in our face when the time is right. Marquee signings are over-rated anyways.

Obviously, we as football fans, are selfish creatures we simply want want want, all of the time. And we want NOW.

We shift around uncomfortably like Gollum, obsessed with every single comment or alleged movement or sound-bite made, moaning and sighing.  And then analysing and theorising how said player would fit into our first eleven if signed and whether they will aid our progression. All of this from a couple of newspaper articles, hearsay, guess work, agent talk. It's the scraps we feed on because, usually, one of the scraps out of the many turns out to be a genuine link.

Gollum to be signed by ITV soon.

We've had very little this summer that we could possibly tag in the 'Levy and Harry were seriously looking at spending cash there' bracket. Joe Cole being the obvious one thanks to Harry telling us that we had offered him a contract. No massive surprise there. We knew the moment he became available that HR would want one of his former 'sons' on board the THFC Express.

Cole rejected a continued stay in London and opted for a central midfield role up at Liverpool, something Harry did nod towards when he flirted with Cole via the media (saying Cole's best position is central). How that would have worked out for us - I don't know. And if 'football reasons' means guaranteed first team football, then so be it. I'm not crying my eyes out over here. And regardless of Liverpool's current plight (it's a mess at Anfield no matter how their fans wish to dress up the truth) there is opportunity for Cole to shine there.

Good player is Cole on his day, and would have been a diamond signing if he arrived and accepted a little squad rotation. Whether the Chelsea fans prove to be right (Joe Slow according to them), we'll have to tune into the Hodgson Show to find out. 90k a week is a lot of money for a player who has hardly played in recent seasons thanks to injuries. I'd have accepted the risk if he had agreed our alleged 65k. And marginalising the likes of Huddlestone would have been just plain silly just for the sake of beefing up a position we don't have too much trouble with.

(Although a free-scoring midfielder would be nice, but don't think it's essential - at least not to Harry).

Still, this area (central mid or even left mid) is not the area we should be concerned about. I doubt very much both our gaffer and our manager are ignoring say the following must-haves:

- Another CB (because King and Woody are bit-part players for us, the latter someone who might not even return) for cover (Bassong and Dawson are in for another big season)

- A Forward

We've got Sandro on the way. We've got players who can adapt and play two positions (Modric, Bale) and we've got one or two who perhaps might just get an opportunity (dos Santos and dare I say The Rat).

But some of this will depend on who we finally get rid of, because with the new season approaching, we've yet to see the back of the deadwood.

Deadwood, is defined I guess by last season and personal opinion along with once more reading between the line. Keane. Hutton - are two players probably on their way. Pav is always linked with a departure.

It all comes down to this: Who and when we sign a forward. We can dream about one of the new kids on the block as much as we like (Dzeko, Suarez) or others of the ilk of long-term proven players like Fabiano and Raul (LOL). But might well end up with seasoned English based terrier such as Bellamy. Who happens to be a **** of a player. If he wasn't so injury prone (if I'm wrong, show me the stats, ta) then perhaps I'd swallow my pride and sort of half-admit and say 'okay then, he might be able to do a job for us'. But he does pick up knocks and although his off-the-field charity work is very commendable, his general persona in the dressing room is subject to far too much debate. Harry and him on the golf course? Happy days. Bellamy would show some tenacious bite we sometimes, on occasions bite. But then who knows what type of focus he'll have if he moves to N17. It's a risk. Cheap one probably. But still.

It's fairly imperative we get the signing for the forward position spot on. Someone who can hit the ground running, score and create. What? Did you say Bellamy? Oh ffs. Anyways, whether a Suarez could do that is altogether another discussion. 49 goals in the Dutch League means very little to me. No offence to them over there, but Kuyt was knocking in goals for fun and over here he's a defensive forward.

We do need a striker right? Defoe, Crouch, Pav...that's not enough. Keane staying would surprise me about us much as walking into my bedroom to find Jessica Alba there with the words 'I'm all yours' written across her waist in lip stick. And the three we do have, to expect them to handle the League and the CL and the cups? Nah. We need depth. Need quality. Because if we make the CL group stages, we need someone who can unlock those hefty seasoned doors. Otherwise, it's Defoe getting flagged offside all night long on Sky Sports.

So, as far as being all quiet on the transfer front, I don't care too much as long as we get a couple of tasty press conferences in the next few weeks. The papers can continue to link us to everyone and anyone, as long as the end result is more pieces for our Lilywhite jigsaw puzzle. The right pieces.

But even with everyone being so cautious nowadays, you'd think it would be near suicidal NOT to spend well this transfer window. What with the potentially hectic calender year ahead of us. Key game being that qualifier.

How many times around Christmas time have we wanted to see us sign players to consolidate our position and push forward only to be left disappointed? Then again, perhaps more trust for the gaffer is required. Considering what he achieved last season without the need to go loopy with Levy's transfer fund at that critical mid-way point.

In Harry we trust then. Right?

Crouchie Conundrum

England's super-sub, Tottenham's super-drab...

Crouch for England and Crouch for Tottenham appear to be two completely different entities. One is a goal scoring machine, confident, always in the right place at the right time and finding the target with simplicity thanks to his confident positioning. The other doesn't quite hit the same giddy heights (insert 'tall' joke here). But then that's no shocker.

Placed into a forward's forward position (that's really forward) and asked to run into the box looking for the ball will pretty much result with him (probably) finding the net. Much like he did last night, much like he does all the time for Engerland. Play him alongside a main striker (i.e. up front with Defoe) and it probably won't work out too good. In fact we know it doesn't quite work out good.

This might have a lot to do with the hoofing up to him some of our (Spurs) players are obsessed with doing, even though he is more than capable of playing with the ball at his feet, but a Robbie Keane link-up player (at his peak) he is not. Which is the reason why the tall giant figure of Crouch is lost in all the build-up play at Spurs.

So basically, what we have is a player far more comfortable knocking them in than setting them up. The Defoe/Crouch partnership does work at times (as seen at Pompey) but long term, Spurs need a far more mobile complete forward who can slot into playing alongside someone like JD or Pav or even Crouch. Spurts of it won't aid the free-flowing football we've seen when Pav starts alongside Defoe.

Until then, it's fragmented football up front for Spurs. But plenty of joy for England.

Discuss.

Harry's £9M gift for JD

No Income tax, no VAT

A lovely nine million pound transfer fee

Lilywhite, and never red

Peter Crouch has a funny head

We have ourselves a signing. He might not be a sexy one, but he’s accomplished in the Premiership and a team player. The type who can hold up the ball, ridiculous that such an ability is lacking from our current lot. Welcome to White Hart Lane, Mr Peter Crouch. Miss Clancy too. He aint a pretty picture (she is) but at least he has product and industry. This is not a Berbatovesque type of swaggering signing that we love down at the Lane. We are sacrificing quality of the ilk we usually expect (Modric anyone?) for someone with a very specialist purpose. The purpose to serve little Defoe who can now place aside his grievances with those pesky Essex Keystone cops and start salivating at the prospect of having the perfect foil standing tall alongside him once more.

£9M the fee. Which isn’t shabby at all. Well it is, I guess, considering we sold him for 60K many moons ago. No sell on value, how times have changed hey Daniel? Granted he won’t score as many as Bent (still Sunderland bound hopefully), but there is no irony to be lost as we all know he’ll create more and cause more havoc for opposing defenders than the apologetic Darren would ever dream of doing. A team who wishes to accommodate Bent will get the best out of him. And good luck to him wherever he ends up at. Crouch is far more of a fit for Spurs. That's compared to Bent. I guess the market is a little dry at the minute.

As for our spanking new forward, I’m making the assumption that ‘arry’s masterplan is to feed Defoe and have him as the main man (30 goals please) in front of goal. It has to be. Add 15+ from Crouch and we have plenty of goals – although it’s not quite the enterprising free-scoring flair play of the Berba/Keano partnership, is it? Bit more of that Lilywhite swagger that was.

Sigh.

Would I prefer a sexy younger player with the potential to have Man Utd looking down at us in a season or two ready for the plucking? Let’s face it, Crouchie joined us ahead of Sunderland and Fulham so it appears we are doing things a little bit differently this summer. Unlike, say, when we signed Darren Bent when he was completely unnecessary to the improvement of our squad, we’ve gone and signed a decent player (never to be world class) who will do a job for us – but nothing overly exceptional enough to take us to the next level. Arguably, signing a potentially world class player has never been a successful ploy to make it to that next level anyhow, so I guess it’s time to swallow a little pride and cross your fingers and hope Aaron doesn't ping too many balls to the head of Crouch.

I’d still have preferred us to bring sexy back. There must be someone out there, young and handsome with a little shirt-tucked-out-of-shorts flair that can hold the ball up and knock a few in? No? I guess I was right about it being a dry market.

Faith in the Redknapp masterplan I guess.

So, the brand new era currently stands as: Defoe, Crouch, Keane and Pav. The latter two are the ones that will have to prove themselves, as it’s blatantly obvious who Harry is going to opt for come the Liverpool game. Keane - as discussed - needs to wake up. Pav has to put an end to all the his tired/he's not 100%/he can't talk English excuses and start playing with intent and composure and confidence.

There is still time for more movers and shakers. I’m still hoping for Negredo personally. As for KJH - he's a little bit too Defoe-esque, is he not? Had we signed him, who would he have replaced? Keane? But anyway, enough with the speculation.

At least this weary transfer window has given us something to talk about.

Happy?

How do you solve a problem like Keano?

Why do people persist in reading so much into pre-season games? Ok, so we lost 2-0 to Celtic who fielded a team of reserves. We didn’t pass particularly well or finish chances with any ruthless killer instinct. We defended poorly and played with little confidence. We still spent most of the game with possession and had far more chances on goal than they did. So as disappointing as it might appear, it wasn’t as bad as it seems the morning after. For a start, the team that lined up isn’t exactly our first eleven is it? Especially the centre-back pairing. Dear God, that centre-back pairing...

Analysing individual performances in this type of game is also a redundant exercise. Much like salivating over the 5-0 thrashing of Roma this time last year. Remember the hype that followed? There were plenty of people leaving White Hart Lane that day believing the swashbuckling style of play was a preview of the season ahead. And what did we get instead? Two points from eight games. Could be worse I guess. We could be losing 6-1 to Orient with our strongest eleven.

The mentality of the players is vital and yes, it would be nice if they comfortably asserted themselves in these type of games to prove they are heading for the opening game with a bit of a swagger - but as long as they play well when it matters I couldn’t give a toss about a nothing game(s) at Wembley that cost around £70 to witness. Harsh on the wallet that.

I’m pretty sure this was our first pre-season defeat for a few years which proves how it counts for very little.  And as for individual performances (like I said, I’m not going to read too much into them) I’ve been impressed with Livermore, Naughton and Bostock. Not so much Dervite. Livermore could be involved for us this season. Bostock has a while to go, but roll him out for the Carling Cup. As for Naughton. Let's hope we take care of the lad and he doesn't end up doing a Gunter. And elsewhere (away from Wembley), should we even bother to lick our lips at the prospect of welcoming back wildcard Giovani dos Santos who picked up the ‘player of the tournament’ award for Mexico, brushing aside a USA b-team 5-0 in the CONCACAF Gold Cup final? Adel has gone out on loan. Something tells me Harry will do the same with Gio.

There is still no clear indication of anything yet. Hence the weary sluggish impatience.

But there is one player who has looked decisively average for a rather prolonged period of time, so long that you wonder if he can recover from his hibernation. This particular concern stretches back across the summer months and all the way to the last Jan window. So we can read far more into it than 90 minutes against Scotlands second best team.

I’m obviously talking about our Irish Windmill, Robbie Keane. He doesn’t even point and wag his finger with the same accomplished moan that endeared us for so very long. Liverpool, it would seem, destroyed his confidence. Can’t be easy knowing you are not good enough for a Top 4 side. Even worse when you find yourself wondering what if the gaffer had played me in position rather than out of it? We only signed him because Defoe got injured. It's all very apologetic.

No whispers of anyone wanting a punt on him and considering how difficult we are making it for anyone to sign Darren Bent, I doubt Keane will be sold off – at least not until January if he’s left warming the bench with Defoe banging them in alongside Crouch.

I guess this is where our frustrations sit at the minute. We can’t really take a guess on how we’ll start without knowing who exactly will line-up as Harry’s first-team eleven. And if Crouch does sign (looking likely) then Robbie’s depression might take him into a state of coma.

A major priority has to be to kick-start Robbie Keane back to his pre-Anfield form. We need all our players buzzing for the new season. How we manage to get Keano back to his best remains the biggest challenge for Harry. Unless there is no way back and the lad is in unrecoverable decline. His failings are far more evident since his return due to the decimation experienced under Rafa. The impatience of Spurs fans is a given thanks mainly to the fact that we turn on players pretty quickly (in this case, it’s more to do with the fact that Robbie left us in the first place and returned with his tail between his legs).

How do we rejuvenate him? Or is this tainted love?

All we can do is wait and hope. Personally, I don’t have a clue other than taking him aside and slapping him across the face, shaking him vigorously and telling him to get a grip and start believing again.

I’m available if Harry needs me to have a word. For a reasonable fee of course. Happy to slap Pascal around for free.

Spurs 2 City 1 - Sunshiiiiiiiiiine in North London for the Lilywhites

Quintessential game of two halves this. First forty-five we were irresistible. Huddlestone in sublime form, pinging the ball around majestically, getting stuck in and giving us a subtle nod that selling him in the summer might be a regretful action. The formation (not the expected 3-5-2 that sort of worked for a point up at Everton) was working a treat at the Lane. Pav and JD upfront, Keane out ‘the wing’ as a Lennon understudy. Hudd and JJ in the middle of the park. No Bale and Hutton. A 4-4-2 that morphed into a 4-3-3 with Keane pushing forwards from the right.

Defoe had an effort smartly saved by Given. A Pav shot from the edge of the box came close. City had nothing in the way of a response as Huddlestone marshalled the midfield in that wonderful chest pumped out manner that he treats us to now and again. So no surprise that JD scored from a Tommy assist. Wonderful cross, exactly where Defoe wanted it, and he aptly finished with a cheeky back-heel. 1-0.

It was at this point I noticed a Liam Gallagher look-a-like in one of the executive boxes, offering out the Spurs fans in the Shelf-side, which turned out to be.....well, Liam Gallagher, obviously. Cue five minutes or so of some first class banter including a chorus of ‘Can we write a song for you’  and 'You’re just a shit Chas’n’Dave’. Liam took it well, laughing and applauding. I still think the moment, at the start of it all, where he stood there in a Jesus pose and signing to one fan ‘I’ll see you outside’ and then doing the same thing to around 10,000 Lilywhites was hilarious. Although he managed to piss off a fan in the exec box to the right of him and was told off in the second half when he re-appeared from inside the exec box to goad everyone when City made it 1-1.

Talking of which, what a disappointing second half.

I guess at 1-0, it’s not that much of a difficult task for Mark Hughes to bollock his players and have them start the second forty-five with a little more urgency and energy. When do we ever score a second killer goal at the Lane? There was a fine moment in the first half that saw the impressive Huddlestone dink the ball into the box for Keane to brilliantly control it, but then fail to connect. Something he did a few times in the course of the game. The “bloke who sits next to me with loads of sound-bites” noted that Robbie has the look of a player that can’t wait for the summer months to kick in. A player with a broken heart having seen his Anfield dream implode rather quietly. He does work hard, and it’s something many of us seem to miss or just ignore, because his final product isn’t the Keane of old. Re-energising is the name of the game for our Robbie. Defoe was lively, and Pav was...well, I’ll come back to Roman later.

The point is, we didn’t get a second goal which might have made things far more comfortable in the second half. Corluka took over at centre-back with Woodgate off, and Hutton coming on into the right-back position. Our shape was lost.

We were gradually over-run by City’s midfield and there was no great surprise when Benjani headed down for Bojinov to fire home the equaliser, sending the City fans and Liam wild.

Ominous stuff. Where was the tactical change from Redknapp? Why was it not enforced earlier in the game? Bugbear for many Spurs fans is that Harry doesn’t change things quickly, and lingers on for a bit. When the changes did happen (Zokora came on for JJ and Campbell on for Pav) things changed for the good.

Roman is a player I’ve defended on several occasions this season. He’s tired/not fully fit/struggling to settle in England is the usual commentary you’ll get from me and others. But sadly, maybe this is all wishful thinking that he will somehow improve next season. It has that air or Rebrovesque doom about it.

He scores goals. Not as many as Bent does, who is almost certainly on his way. But other than that, he’s a bit of a soft touch. Apologetic with his mannerisms. Falls over far too easily, has a worrying first touch and as illustrated by the easy chance he had in the second half (which then led to his substitution) which he fluffed wide, Roman seems to be more average than a player who is out of form. Maybe I’ve been infected by a knee-jerk virus, but I heard the name ‘Raziak’ mentioned half a dozen times on Saturday and have noticed other bloggers use the not so endearing term to describe our £14M striker.

Best move of the game was his sulk down the tunnel, which Harry joked about post-match. Bent and Pav out? Could see us make Campbell a permanent signing if he’s far cheaper than the £7M Wigan were set to pay. The fourth striker should be a young and hungry kid who is willing to sit on the bench. Which means, we just need another forward to come in to give us a more than decent trio (that will obviously include Keane and JD).

I’m sure it will all take shape in the next few months. Let’s not forget our young player of the year Jonathan Obika. It’s time academy players got their chance to shine for the first team.

Ok, side-tracked, back to the game. Campbell’s relentlessly running resulted with Micah Richards falling over him and bringing him down for a penalty that Robbie Keane had no problem slotting away to win it for us with around 4 minutes of normal time left. Liam nowhere to be seen. City fans heading for the exit, something that's a tradition in recent years when visiting the Lane for a league match.

No second goal from open play then, but who cares. We probably deserved all three points for that first half display.

Our home form has been stunning.

P22 W15 D6 L1 F41 A18

Sixteen games unbeaten in all competitions (Everton the last team to win at the Lane back in late November). And to add to that, the fewest league goals we’ve ever conceded at the Lane, in a season. Boring boring Tottenham.

It's not perfect, but credit to Harry and his management. White Hart Lane is no soft touch.

Fulham look set for the Europa League, which they might struggle with considering it’s an additional 17 games or so. We’ll have to concentrate on the Prem, which isn’t too bad of a priority. And leaves us with no room for excuses.

So that’s it. Players waved their goodbyes. Ledley King didn’t look too impressed when the home fans sang ‘If Ledley’s going clubbing, so am I....’ . Lennon won our player of the year award, which he is more than worthy for after a blistering return to form.

Will Gomes still be here next season? Can we swap Jenas for Ireland? Will Harry sign Barton? Why does Bentley never get a game for us even though he's fit and scoring goals for the reserves? Is the first-half Huddlestone worth keeping when compared to the second-half version? Where was Arsenal fan Noel? Questions, questions...

Onwards to Anfield now. Might stick a few bob on Keane scoring the winner in front of the Kop.

Do you rate Pavlyuchenko?

Pavlyuchenko apparently requires surgery for a groin injury. You'll have noticed he hasn't played a part in our recent games and the last thing I can remember from him (other than a missed penalty in a reserve match) was some quotes based around a complaint that he is struggling to learn English. This is largely thanks to his every day routine of hotel - breakfast - training - hotel - dinner - bed. Gruelling work schedule taking its toll there for Roman.

It's been pointed out that the club should be doing far more to make sure he develops his linguistic skills. The player still 'thinks' in Russian which means he has to attempt to translate what he wants to relay to his team-mates from Russian into English. Which, according to the player, is time consuming.

I'm miffed. Just call out the players name. You're not exactly gonna find the need to stand on the edge of the box and scream, 'Hey Aaron, Aaron, please strike the ball with the outside of your foot and lay it into my path. I'm going to sweetly strike it to the left of the goal'.

A simple yelp will suffice.

Pedanticisms aside, he is probably referring to the aftermath of a broken down attack when he needs to explain to the player who passed the ball to the right when he (Pav) was running to the left what space he intends to run into next time round. Again, arguably, all he has to do is point and wave his arms about and even speak his disgruntledness in Russian. The likelihood is his team-mate will understand the complaint far more clearly than anything coming out of Robbie Keanes mouth.

There's a lot that hasn't gone right for Pav since his move to the UK. Arguably, the guy is tired having playing several months of football in Russia in the snow before the Prem had kicked-off. He hasn't done too shabby considering the start of the season we've had (two points, eight games), but although he has scored himself into double figures - he hasn't scored that many in the league. He's a bit slow, and sometimes his first touch isn't great and his long shot efforts are poor - but he seems to find himself in the right place at the right time and unlike Darren Bent, he contributes far more and appears to be more adaptable to Harry's tactics. He's a decent goal-scorer. Maybe not one worth £14M on current showing, but we always pay far more than what the player is truly worth. Problem, arguably, is he doesn't quite excel in anything in particular and can't be defined in the same terms of importance in the same way Keane or Defoe can (with what they can offer on the pitch).

Is he over-rated? Guess we can't really judge him until 10 games into next season. Although even a 'tired' player should be showing us a little bit more in the way of ability. But at the minute, the tired excuse and the injury issue saves him from the knee-jerk 'Get rid of him!' brigade.

I like Pav. He's comes across as a bit daft (maybe something is lost in translation) in interviews, but he plays with a smile on his face. You just get this impression he's only playing at around the 60% mark.

Arshavin is fairly fluent in English, but then he's also probably fluent in Spanish, German and Italian as right up to the end of the transfer window he probably wasn't that sure where his final destination would be.

So, I guess it's down to what Harry thinks and what he plans to do with Keane, Defoe, Bent and Roman when the season draws to a close and the summer months transfer merry-go-round kicks off again.

Surely Spurs can keep him behind an hour or so after training every day for a lesson in the fine art of speaking the Queens English? Just lock him in a room and stick a Only Fools and Horses VHS in the video player, and he'll be fine as dandy in a month.

Based on what you've seen and in comparison to our other forwards - and taking into account we have 4 players who strive to be first-team players - should he stay or should he go? In your opinion, has he shown us enough?

If anyone happens to bump into him in the Waltham Abbey Tescos - say hello. And compliment him on his choice of Louis Vuitton manbag........in English. If he shrugs and mutters something in Russian spank his bottom and state 'NO! Bad £14M forward who hasn't settled in England yet'. Give him a stern look and shake your head, before slowly walking away with a despondent swagger.

That ought to tell him.