Andrei Arshavin was in London

Zenit give him the all clear to begin talks with an unamed Premiership club. Andrei and his agent (Dennis Lachter) have both refused to name the club in question.

Arsenal can't afford him, right? So it has to be Chelsea or us. And the only chance of it being us is if the club are bluffing about not having any money available for the January window.

Can we really afford to spend £20M on a forward when we need a DM and CB?

Groundhog day.

Let's hope Chelsea bid £30M.

Oh, hold up. I forgot about Manchester City. Done and dusted. Zenit will 'ave him for £40M+.

War Spooky

Stevie, you ledge. Seriously mate, get your head out of the tub of Brown Ale or whatever it is you lot up there take your baths in, and stand up straight and show me your cock. Yes, you heard me right.

Show me what you got.

No? Ok, let me show you what I've got. Its fucking big, mind. Maybe not as big as this red Manc I know and this scouse git who always walks down the street with it hanging over his shoulder, but mine is still big. Actually, I suppose it isn't compared to that Manc and that scouse git. Or the pikey who lives in the caravan at the end of my road. But I tell you this 'mate', it's bigger than whatever you've got in your pants. And I know this because I asked around and you ain't pulled since 1955. I mean fuck me, that's fucking ages to go without. Must send a man loopy. And blind. Doesn't count if you're constantly playing with yourself. You do know that, don't you? It doesn't count.

And I aint going to accept any of those European bints you got hold of, cause squeezing a tit don't count either. At least I've dipped my end in some choice skirt, home and abroad, since you last tasted some. I don't go without see. Even when I'm not top of my game, I still manage a clever chat up line at the last moment, to help save the day.

So you know what. Let's just leave it. Don't bother getting your small shrivelled cock out. You'll only make the Boro fan standing next to you look hung like a donkey.

Transfer Goss

Diarra to Madrid. Again. This time its the Pompey one, who we all think we wanted (needed) for our little team. Him joining us was once upon a time a done deal, in PretendLand. I guess all of Comolli's scouting on the player has allowed Ramos to point out the player to his directors and say 'I want', in clear elegant Spanish. Great work Damien. Although I'm still waiting for an explanation on how a player who was a done deal for City is now a Madrid player. Anyone from the press care to confirm your sources (?), you pesky idiotic liars.

Have I mentioned the Keane story? I can't be bothered to check, so I'll repeat. We've only received £6M for him thus far thanks mainly to instalment payments. Lawro claims Liverpool want rid of him (Gerrard told him after last weeks Hull game) so the logic here is that the remaining money owed by Liverpool is wiped clean and we just pay back what they paid us, minus £1M for our troubles. Embarrassing for Keane and Liverpool. Can you see it happening? Nope? Thought as much.

Then there was one

Bent is a doubt for tomorrow night. He's had a bout of tonsillitis. Pavlyuchenko is Cup tied and Robbie Keane is out on loan to Liverpool, which means the soon to depart back to Man Utd Fraizer Campbell will be our sole striking option. That's just returned to training after a calf injury Fraizer Campbell. Jenas is expected back far sooner than expected (possibly Sunday week or Boxing Day).

At least there's one positive out of that lot. And with any luck he might not be back on Boxing Day.

Nah, just fucking with ya. Jermaine, get fit soon mate.

As for our defence, Woodgate and King are out, so Dawson and Corluka to play centre-back buddies again I guess. Not sure if that means Zokora will once more slot into the right-back position (agreeable) and Huddlestone playing centre-mid.

Draw will get us through against Moscow on Thursday night.

UPDATE: Corluka is cup-tied. All fun and games for 'arry.

AGM

AGM big news was about the new stadium with the designers unveiling their first 'artistic impressions' of what the ground and surrounding area will look like. Firstly, thanks to the numerous people who were present at the AGM who have reported back on Spurs message boards about what was discussed.

Here's a brief run down of what was spoken about during the meeting, which also included a cameo from Harry Redknapp.

- The Tottenham 16. Spurs will be speaking to the FA and Hampshire police about this in more detail. Donna Cullen stated that the FA meet-up is planned for January. The club have raised concerns with Crimestoppers and the whole 'racist' element believing (and rightly so) that fans have been misinterpreted. No shock that the only reason action has been taken is because Judas made a complaint.

- Harry made a cameo, pulling no punches, and probably got up Levy's nose in the process with his assessment. Which is music to my ears. He said the squad is not good enough for Top 4 ambitions. Thank the lord for the reality check. I guess that makes the fact that we apparently don't plan to spend big in Jan a bit worrying, but then, we've never made the top 4 with all the money we've spent, so maybe it doesn't matter that much. If we start signing players of quality (that don't cost tens of millions) we might see some progress with less of the superfluous. We're not as good as Villa according to Harry. Don't disagree with that. He also said he almost joined Newcastle. Phew. He also touched on the basis of his managerial wizardry (telling players when they play well and when they don't) and also had a special mention for Ledley (makes all the different when he plays). Scored high with the classic 'I use to watch Spurs as a kid' stories. Of course you did 'arry.

- No option to waive dividends to shareholders (4p a share). "Don't cash the cheque" is the advice from Levy if you don't want it. Hardcore.

- Regarding the stadium, there will be a second consultation in January. What pleases me at this point is that the pitch will be 4-5 metres closer to the stands that at other comparable stadiums (like the pikey one for example). Capacity will be between 55,000 and 60,000. The theme and concept of the stadium is based on 'flowing lines' which is based on Tottenham's flowing football. Riiiiiight. Well thank God we've picked up a little on the pitch, because designing a stadium to look like a sack of potatoes (based on form earlier in the season) would have failed to ignite the imagination. There is currently no date for completion, and the planning application will be submitted next year.

Some images:

Looks pretty much like most modern-styled bowl stadia. But it's what's inside that counts most.

- The club is receiving a "six figure" sum for being involved in the motor sport sponsorship deal. More money under the bed for Daniel there.

- Apparently we are not a big enough club for our own television channel. Other clubs have media partners on board or are "heavily subsidised". Thank God for that. Last thing I want to see is an excuse for David Bentley to star-jump his way through more TV time.

- We have (according to the presentation), 100 scouts worldwide. Yes. 100 scouts. A frigging army, with notepads and pencils. Scouting what exactly, I don't know. If these chaps reported into Comolli when he was still knocking about, then I suggest we get rid of all of them and start from scratch.

Inside the new Spurs stadium. Old skool ground for the purists.

- Oh hold up, that might actually happen. Apparently this summer an overhaul of the scouting network will be begin. Begone Comolli Agents! It's going be like that scene in the Matrix when Neo fights hundreds of Mr Smiths. Except there won't be any sunglasses and kung-fu fighting as such, just phone calls and P45's. And Levy as a bald 'Neo'? I can taste my own vomit.

- No right to buy clause on-loan Campbell from Man Utd, and he looks set to return in January. Which is fine by me, because it means we will HAVE to bring in someone for sure.

- Usual mix of random questions about prices, European travel, the Berbatov transfer saga, lack of 28/30 kids shirt size availability.......I'm sure Levy was sweating. There were also some feeble attempts to justify the farcical way in which tickets are allocated for European games and booking fee hikes were also brushed off.

So, same as usual. Some positives. Some spin. And no real hard hitting questions asked. I've been banned from these AGM's for a number of years now, after I throw my shoe at Levy. Bloody infidel.

With and without

Stat of the year right here for you.

When King plays for Spurs our chances of winning increase massively. In the past four seasons we've won at least 50% of all the Prem League games he has featured in. This season our average is 0.89 condeded compared to 1.86 when he's missing. We havent won in the league without him.

Break down of the figures over the past few seasons:

2008/09 - 56% with King / 0% without King
2007/08 - 50% with King / 26% withouth King
2006/07 - 52% with King / 35% without King
2005/06 - 50% with King / 42% withouth King

Damn that dodgy knee.

Time for sleep

So ends my blog-spamming session for the early hours. Lap it up.

AGM review and new Spurs stadium artwork to follow tomorrow.

The Smoking Gun

Kevin Prince-Boateng and a smoking gun. He's told the media that he has no future with us and that - brace yourselves - he was a Comolli signing. Martin Jol apparently told him he did not want to sign him, which makes it the type of evidence that proves what a shambles the DoF system was. Of course, pinch of salt, is always recommended when a player speaks out against the club they he wants to leave. Although Boateng probably regrets the comments (get ready for a 'I was mis-quoted' follow up story) now that Jenas is out for a while. First team football isn't an impossible task for him if he shuts up and tries to prove the self-hype be believes so much in.

As for Damien, he's been active in the press in recent days telling everyone how bloody great he was at Tottenham (as if listening to Ramos tell everyone that nobody at Spurs was intelligent enough to understand his advanced coaching methods hence the terrible terrible relegation league form, although he'd still be manager I guess had he learnt to say 'Just f*cking run around' in clear English). Damien told the Telegraph he was not surprised that the players he has signed are all playing so well and that there is more to come thanks to the world-class academy he has left behind.

Players he signed playing well? You mean Zokora? Bought as a DM, and playing a blinder in the right-back position? And as for a world class academy, its obviously not that great if Wenger hasn't attempt to steal any of our players. Let's quote the great man:

“I’m pleased when I see Woodgate doing fantastically, Assou-Ekotto playing well; I thought Zokora was outstanding last week [against West Ham]. And Corluka, Modric, all of them. I’m very pleased. When I made mistakes I knew it quite quickly. I don’t think I made many mistakes. The players who are still there and playing, I knew they had the quality. Sorry, I don’t mean to sound arrogant by saying that, but that’s the way I felt. I’m pleased the players are doing well, but not surprised. I’m not surprised that Darren Bent has scored 12 goals this seasons. I knew he would score goals.

Overall, in terms of trading, it worked well. As far as I’m concerned I probably made about three or four mistakes out of 25 first-team deals during my time. Some of those I consider mistakes now, could turn out to be a success in the future. You never know – that’s the beauty with players, especially young ones".

He goes on to claim how he bagged Berbatov from Leverkusen and that he beat Barcelona for the signature of Bostock. What a guy!

The academy, well, if he was responsible for the scouting and coaching then fair play. We do have a tasty youth team so this is something that might come back and bite any anti-Comolli person (including me) on the arse. And its a bite I would gladly bend over and take if we see 3-5 of these kids make it into the first team.

As for 3 to 4 mistakes (transfers) out of 25? Its more like 3 or 4 successes out of 25. And as for 'could turn out to be a success in the future' - you don't spend millions on players who might just make it after making no initial impact. That's a bullshit ego-get-out-clause.

Comolli, seems to think he can walk on water, and would even have you believe that he was responsible for signing Adam and Eve to the Garden of Eden, but don't you dare go blaming him for the forbidden fruit debacle. That was down to God because, like, why stick forbidden fruit in an easy to get place and what the fuck is up with the security if a snake can wiggle its way in causing biblical havoc? But speak to God and he'll tell you that the DoE (Director of Evolution) system works fine and that the Garden is the responsibility of the landscaper and Adam and Eve were imperative signings if progress was to be achieved.

All went pear-shaped with the snake and fruit incident, so God decided to get rid of the DoE and went for a more traditional set-up, which proceeded a transitional period involving the dismantling of the garden and replacing it with dinosaurs. Which worked a treat for many many ages until he realised you can't win anything with Kritosauruses.

Rod Liddle

What a great article. A far more general view of the state of modern day football and chanting at games than I could offer (as I don't tend to move outside the boundaries of all things Spurs). The argument over 'yid / yiddo' has always been a tricky one, but I guess we are not too far off from a future where this will be deemed an arrestable offence. Like Liddle says, it will end up with an almost empty ground if the authorities arrested one, they have to arrest all .

So, who's going to define what's right and wrong? It's always been socially acceptable within the realms of a football ground for some below the belt banter. Not anymore. I expect the comedy clubs to be hit next with SWAT teams and CS gas. Zero tolerance. Michael McIntyre, you have been pre-warned.

I laughed

The Daily Mail.

Why does one bother? This is from a write-up (slagging off Spurs fans for booing Berbatov):

At half-time, a justly anonymous comedian was brought on. He bellowed a string of dull jibes at Berbatov, each greeted as if he were Tommy Cooper in his prime. It was truly toe-curling. The fact he left White Hart Lane in order to better himself professionally was of no account. Neither was the equally cogent fact Spurs had received some £30million from the transaction.

Right, so going on strike is not something we should hold against him? Or the fact that along with his agent, they constantly used the media to help secure a move with the usual bullshit propaganda. Do one you daft bitter Manc/Chelsea/West Ham/Arsenal fan (delete where appropriate). If you're going to construct an argument, I'd suggest you do your home work on the 'anonymous comedian' who has the fastest selling stand-up debut DVD ever. And as for being greeted as if he was Tommy Cooper, please, don't exaggerate. People laughed out loud, nothing more, nothing less. The only thing that's truly toe-curling is the fact that I've even bothered to highlight this. I'm embarrassed for you and me both.

Challenge Spurs™ - Nuts to you Berbatov

Challenge Spurs™

Game 09 v (H) Manchester United
0-0, draw
Total points: 19
Position: 15th

As far as 0-0 draws go, this wasn't too shabby a game.

Atmosphere was better than recent home games too (even if Utd were fairly quiet possibly due to their reduced allocation for their insistent standing at away games - which is ridiculous - let away fans stand, leave us with an ounce of joy at the very least as you seem hell bent to take everything else from us), thanks largely to the return of Dimitar Berbatov, who looked out of sorts.

Though arguably that best describes Man Utd's away form this season. Loads of classy touches and movement, but no cutting edge when it matters. We lost Woodgate to injury early on, which meant Corluka slotted into centre-back next to awesome Dawson (King failed a fitness test, which was no great surprise). Our midfield general under-achiever (see what I did there?), Zokora, went to right-back to handle Ronaldo.

Huddlestone, came on for Woody, and into centre midfield. This type of re-shuffle usually has me crying hysterically. But things turned out fine, even with the wishfully avoidable depletion. Utd had plenty of possession but efforts on goal were shared between both teams. Look, I suck at writing up match reviews and there's no point in going into any great analytical detail because you were either at the game, watched it on Match of the Day or read it about it in the papers (not that the latter is any good for unbiased reporting).

So here's some thoughts in no particular order:

Zokora was a revelation. He looks so much better at right-back than he does in midfield, probably because the responsibility of looking after that flank is a far easier concept to handle than attempting to boss the middle of the park. I'd say he kept Ronaldo pretty quiet, but it's a far easier job when the Portuguese winger only half turns up for games nowadays. Blatantly trying to make it easy for Fergie to sell him off come the summer. Petulant little c*nt kicked out (ala Beckham, World Cup) but as our refs don't follow anything to the letter, preferring to translate the rules as they see fit depending on how bad of a day they are having, didn't give so much as a yellow card for it. Not that Dawson complained or dropped like a sack of potatoes. Maybe he should of. Earlier today the FA said they would take no action as the ref said had he seen the incident he would not have sent off Ronaldo. How fucking gracious of him.

As for Daws, he played a blinder. And Corluka continues to impress with each passing game. The same can't be said about our Russian centre-forward, Pav. Struggled in a big way to find space, hold onto the ball, do anything. 4-5-1 does seem to work for us, but Pav isn't the type of player who's made for being up front on his own. When Bent came on, nothing much changed. Modric playing just behind the forward also needs some form of tweaking, or just patience till Luka starts scoring goals. If you have a midfielder playing as the more forward player other than the lone centre-forward, then you need him scoring goals too.

He had an ok day on Saturday, nothing special. One or two mis-placed balls, which was more down to a lack of understanding than anything else . If we still had Berbatov or a player of his ilk, we would be LOL'ing at the havoc we would create upfront. Modric wouldn't have to concern himself, he'd just play the ball into the space and the Berba-ilk player would instinctively run onto the ball to receive it, unlike his second level team-mates. Oh yes I know, if if if if. Whether 'arry brings in another forward is anyone's guess.

Whispers suggest Heskey or Crouch. No, that's Heskey or Crouch, where did I say Arshavin exactly? Heskey/Crouch would hold the ball up, which would mean the midfield (Luka included) could push forward further. Modric did have a couple of worthy efforts - flying through the air like a salmon (thanks to Michael McIntyre for the half-time comedy randomness) - but his header not finding the target. And all from a wonderful Zokora cross (it's the right-back position, its magic).

He also had a dipping shot that took an ever so slight deflection. For now, Bent and Pav is all we have (Campbell is injured and isn't - for obvious reasons - a long term answer) so if they don't play together, and we stick with the 4-5-1, then Harry has to work on how we can make it work. Pav, to be fair, looks knackered having played in the summer for Russia and also 5 months of a league season before joining us. His biggest contribution was for Utd, when he got in the way of a Huddlestone pile-driver.

One rumour from Russia was that Ramos had inquired about him for Madrid, on a loan deal. Doubtful. Lennon had a great run and shot at goal. Was pretty lively, but at times came up second best to Rafael (who looks like that kid from Heroes). Bentley again failed to impress, apart from a volley from nothing moment (easily dealt with, but hey, it looked greeeeeeeeat on tv) and a free-kick which could have sneaked in, but van der Sar was equal to it. Other than that, still playing from memory.

Ekotto? Impressive. Not perfect by a long shot, but does the job well enough. Quietly consistent at the moment.

Gomes was superb. When called upon, he saved well. Very well. No signs of the dodgy keeper from recent weeks. Great save from a free-kick late on. As for the returning Berbatov, I almost fainted when I saw him chasing down a ball and tracking back to defend corners. Amazing stuff. He had one great chance, but Dawson foiled him at the last second before he had the chance to pull the trigger.

Other than that, and the usual slick touches, he wasn't at his best. Only one downer was Woodgate's injury (original rumour was he had to see a specialist (having been rushed to hospital), but according to the latest reports he is fine but will miss a game or two at the most) and Jenas has torn his calf muscle and will be out for 'months'. I know, that's two. But I did say 'only one'.

Still unbeaten against Top 4 opposition this season. Shame we lost to Sunderland, Stoke and Hull. Newcastle up next. In-form Newcastle. Another away day trip to a place where we historically get nothing.

Expect plenty of goals.

Blogs...

Just got in from work, having got up at 5am. 16 hour working day. No I don't want an open bus parade. Just pre-warning you that the blogs I'm about to post will probably have grammatical murkings and the like due to fatigue.