Can you read Russian?

http://vadimk.ru/archives/136

Happy Xmas (War is starting)

I'm signing off for Christmas. Won't be back in front of a pc, willing and able to write up blog rants and download porn until some point after the WBA game. It's what baby Jesus would have wanted.

Because it's a time for family gatherings and gifts and traditional dinner with turkey, stuffing and all the trimmings. For most that is. For me, its the conclusion of my community service thanks to the incident at the Spurs shop several months back.

I got into a scuffle with this one evil piece of shit SOB. Kept looking over, giving me looks. Evil looks. As if he could see right through me and into my heart of darkness. Made me shiver. It was almost like he could read my mind. That's how fucked up he made me feel, just by staring at me. It was unnerving, and considering the reasons behind my presence in the Spurs shop, it was a predicament I did not prepare for and could have done without.

This SOB. We have previous. You know, just a little bit of history. Like you do in life, you get characters who you'd cross the road to avoid because you don't trust what you might do if you stayed on course for them. But the way he kept looking, he was winding me up with his constant smug grin, like he's better than me. Like he's someone. Like I'm no-one. A nothing. A non-entity.

Yeah, keep looking over here at me, you with the face of an absolute bukkake.

I played it cool....to start off with. Obviously trouble is something I always make the utmost attempt to avoid. But this git was relentlessly staring. He may as well have held up a sign stating: "YOUR MOTHERS A WHORE". It was that fucking annoying.

So, my emotions got the better of me. I picked up a football from one of the shelves and kicked it hard in his direction. On the volley. With power. Smacked him straight in the face with it. Broke his nose. Knocked him flat out.

The police said there was no evidence of actual incitement or any other form or provocation from my perspective, as no one witnessed the Pacino/de Niro build-up to the incident. The judge (bless his goodwilled heart) decided it was nothing more than a misdemeanour, thanks to my plea of foolishness. I told the court I was trying to do kick-up tricks I saw on Soccer AM and sort of mis-hit the ball and I was apologetic that someone got hurt as part of my misadventure and lack of natural skill.

But due to the crying children and the protests from the jobsworth cashiers, assistants and manager in the Spurs Shop, the club wanted some form of retribution. Public disorder they called it. Can you believe that? What a world we live in where a person can be deemed a criminal for attempting to play football, in-doors. I mean seriously, get a grip. I got an ASBO for my troubles. And I'm now banned indefinitely from entering the shop. Whoop-de-do. Gutted about that I am. Because I really really really had intentions to spend my cash on Carling Cup memorabilia and DVD's of score-draws.

I guess I was a little tense at the time of the incident, but he got what he deserved. Let me be brutally honest. Even though I've already spent the best part of 50 hours dressed as an elf in an unnamed North London shopping centre, that doesn't mean this thing is over. It's not over. It's never over. No one stares me out like that. No one mugs me off the way he did. Nobody gets in the way of my game. And he did just that. I don't stand for no playa-hating when I'm the playa.

I had business in the Spurs Shop that day. I was going to make a stand. One that included nudity, handcuffs, an effigy of the chairman and a home-made Comolli mask (its actually a Halloween mask of George Bush, but I added Brillo to the hair and Specsavers glasses. Squint your eyes, and its passable as Damien).

It would have been a protest of near epic proportions, thanks mainly to the temporary tattoo(s) I had done on my chest and back, in stencil styled writing, that stated:

"LEVY
OUT!"

"TO DARE IS TO BURN
YOUR SEASON TICKET"

"BLAME LEVY"

"OPUS? ANUS!"

I had an additional tattoo that took 7 hours to complete. The pieces de resistance if you will. Daniels face, colourfully displayed on my arse (which I had to have shaved for the occasion). Guess what his mouth is? Well, nobody would have had to guess if I had the time to set my plan into motion, because I would have shown everyone present exactly what comes out of his lying propaganda-producing boatrace in full graphic detail. But no, that SOB had to give me the look from across the shop floor and psyche me out and ruin what would have been a perfect afternoon of re-educating the Spurs supporting public on all matters Levyiavellian.

I'll bide my time though. Complete my 50 hours. And move on. Because there is always a tomorrow. And where there is a tomorrow, there is a future. And our futures are there for us to strive for and make them into whatever we wish.

Tomorrow is coming. And I see my future. It's a nice wonderfully cooked roast with a side plate of vegetables. This isn't Christmas dinner. No sir. This is a dish best served cold. So it's not actually a normal Sunday roast either. It's a metaphor. I'm being metaphorical. Revenge, its revenge, I'm going to have my revenge.

You hear me Chirpy?

You interfering son of a bitch. I'll 'ave you son. Remember last time out you ended up needing a plastic surgeon. You still got his number? Best pray then that Santa brings you an extra set of eyes for the back of your head.

This is just getting started.

Challenge Spurs™ - Festive Fixtures

Challenge Spurs™

Game 11 v (H) Fulham

Game 12 v (A) W.B.A.

Dirty Dozen points: 17

Total Prem points: 19

Position: 16th

Bit tricky with two games over the Xmas period, so when I'm back on line, I'll write up a double review of both games. I'm sure they'll be plenty to write about, and with 2009 almost upon us, I'm equally certain the ITK orges will be making their way out of the caves and into the basking sunlight as they being to tell us cryptically who might or might not have been spotted at the Lodge or a Burger King outlet at Heathrow.

No team news as of yet. Hopefully King will be available for one or both games, but it's asking for a miracle (we are due a second coming, so you never know?) to expect him to play in both games.

The home game is bang on the money MUST WIN. Anything less than 3 points is disaster time. WBA is altogether another headache that we'll have to nurse much like the one most will have on New Years Day. We never get a thing out of that fixture. Would love it, just love it, if we did. For once.

The site is in end for the Dirty Dozen games, but like I said in an earlier write-up, the push away from the bottom three looks like continuing strong into the new year, so expect a sequel.

Regardless of who is available or not, Harry needs to deliver. The players need to deliver. It's that simplistic.

17 points in total thus far from this series of games. Which means 19 in total for the season. If we win these two games, that gives us 23 from the series and 25 overall.

The original challenge was to beat the forecast stated in the first blog post of this series. Here's a reminder of what I layed out - along with the actual result to the right hand side and the points accumulated:

Game 01 - (H) Bolton ---------------- W 3 points >>> W 3 points - 3
Game 02 - (A) Arsenal --------------- L >>>>>>>>> D 1 point - 4
Game 03 - (H) Liverpool ------------- D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 7
Game 04 - (A) Man City ------------- D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 10
Game 05 - (A) Fulham --------------- W 3 points >>> L
Game 06 - (H) Blackburn ------------ W 3 points >>> W 3 points - 13
Game 07 - (H) Everton -------------- W 3 points >>> L
Game 08 - (A) West Ham ------------ D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 16
Game 09 - (H) Man Utd ------------- L >>>>>>>>>> D 1 point - 17
Game 10 - (A) Newcastle ------------ D 1 point >>>>> L
Game 11 - (H) Fulham -------------- W 3 point
Game 12 - (A) WBA ----------------- W 3 point

I've got 2 predictions right so far (Bolton and Blackburn). Otherwise, my forecast has been a little off. But my tally of 22 can still be bettered if we do the business, so Spurs can still beat the challenge set out for them.

Happy days.

To be fair, with Ramos in charge, we'd still be rock bottom, and with the Prem being in such a state of flux (form wise) it wouldn't matter too much if we're off by 5 or so points, because nobody appears capable of detaching themselves from the mire.

Post-January will be very dependent on who buys who.

I can't wait for the other side.

It's Christmas!

And it wouldn't be Christmas without a little ITK gossip, would it?

This is an extract from an interview in the Russian media with the right honourable Mr Lachter (Arshavins Agent/spokesman). Translated by Miles at GG.

Having learned of all the troubles going on at Tottenham, do you as before regret that Zenit didn't let Arshavin go to London in the summer?

I never regret anything. It is good that the transfer broke off. I know about the current situation at Tottenham a little better than the fans do. There is no good news waiting around the corner for Spurs. I spoke last week with Redknapp and, to put it mildly, is not at all happy. He is having a serious confrontation with the chairman, Levy - recently they have only been communicating with each other through the press. He said that Spurs had spent a fortune on inexperienced players. What is more, on players that were not at all those whom the fired Ramos wanted but those whom the now former sporting director, Damien Comolli wanted. With those such as Pavlyuchenko, Ramos was simply faced with this fact: he wanted Arshavin but they bought him a different Russian.

Ooh who to believe? Do we believe the football agent, who by his very nature knows nothing more than lies and mis-information? Or do we hold out for January and wait and see if Harry has to dig through the bargain basement to pick up a 'proper player' or two. Which still wouldn't prove a thing about this alleged falling out.

Get your money on a Redknapp resignation. Worth a punt, just in case. Yeah, like fuck. Harry is simply using the media to help Levy compound the blame on the departed Comolli. It's all just a way of accepting mistakes have been made. But who's gonna complain or start pointing fingers again when good old Harry is being upfront and honest about things? It's like we have one of our own in the managers position, echoing how we feel about the team and its performance.

Falling out, my arse. If Levy is stupid enough to appoint someone and then fall out with him over transfer targets just after scrapping the DoF system, then sure, it will validate everything I've said about the incompetent Levy and I'll begin in earnest to organise a 50,000 man march to the White Hart Lane in protest, where much fist shaking will vigorously take place.

Spurs will sign the players we need - the exact type of players Harry wants - come this Jan window. And being held to ransom by Zenit for a player who will possibly make little impact from the off in a team that requires instant impact, should be the least of anyone's concern.

Departed

From the official site:

Stalteri departs

Paul Stalteri has had his contract with the Club cancelled by mutual consent.

The Canadian international joined us from Werder Bremen in the summer of 2005 and went on to make 56 appearances, scoring three times.

We wish Paul all the best for the future.

Thanks for the memory

After thoughts

Having spent some time reading various forums, match reports, I'm going to go with this review-in-a-sentence, as believing it will allow me a peaceful nights sleep.

Desperately unlucky with the performance we put in. Impressive overall. This game was a complete paradox of the Liverpool game where we were lucky to win, it all evens up over the course of a season.

Challenge Spurs™ - Whees i' the netty?

Challenge Spurs™

Game 10 v (A) Newcastle Utd
2-1 loss, 0 points
Total points: 19
Position: 16th

Bollocks. Last minute goal. Oh how I've missed you. The touch of depression. But hey, look at the bright side. We did just lose to the biggest best supported club on the planet, and our fans are having to nurse ear-bleeds due to the deafening noise, so if you streamed the game via the internet or listened to it on the radio, at least you don't have to spend several hours travelling back home. Stick on a bit of tv, download some porn, just move on. I'm sure the lads on Toontastic are having a right old 3rd Reich knees-up at the minute, bless 'em.

2 games left - 6 points needed

Note how I'm not actually commenting on performance or match incidents, as I've had the (mis)fortune of missing the game. So haven't got a clue, other than the fact that Modric scored, but disappeared in and out of the game too much. Pav was poor. Bentley was poor, pretty much his standard performance for us week in, week out. Average and ordinary across the whole team. Campbell should have had a brace, so arguably, you might say we should never have lost.

That January injection of new blood can't come along soon enough.

17 points. 6 more available now. Giving us a potential 23 points. Ah, the number twenty-three. My dear old friend. I see this number everywhere. If we end up on 23, it means we beat my original forecast by one point. The irony being that my original forecast was one of negativity.

Fulham at home on boxing day. Must win.

Challenge Spurs™ - Beware the Abyss

Challenge Spurs™

Game 10 v (A) Newcastle Utd
Total points: 19
Position: 15th

Hutton, Modric, Lennon, Jenas, Woodgate, King, Bent and Gio. All unavailable for tomorrows game at St James Park against England's biggest club side, Newcastle United.

I'm cacking it. The Premier League this season is one chaotic mess, from 7th spot all the way down to the bottom. After Saturday afternoon's results, it West Ham beat Villa and we lose tomorrow (and City beat WBA), we go 3rd from bottom. Back into the mire. Not that it matters if we win the next game, because the future of the 2008 season will consist of 10 or so clubs swapping positions and moving upwards and downwards. There is no let up and thus no sign of anyone pulling away into certain saftey.

WBA are doomed. Blackburn will recover now they have tactical genius Big Sam at the helm, which means that once The Dirty Dozen run of games in Challenge Spurs™ is done and dusted, I get this distinict feeling that I'll have to follow it up with another set of 12 games. But I no longer have my worried hat on. I know Owen will be inspired tomorrow, playing for the January window, and if we do end up as depleted as it looks, we could be in for one of those usual calamties performances up there in the black and white ocean of ear-bleeding noise and scarf holding.

The again, backs up against it, I fancy Harry to maybe get one over Kinnear. Three points would be wonderful.

Modric and Lennon out (not yet confirmed) would be depressing. Bent is recovering from illness (something I managed to completely forget, hence his redundant inclusion in my Yahoo dream team). Woodgate might be back for Fulham, King is King and might not be back till the New Year. We seem to be playing all the teams around us at the moment, so the faster the Jan window opens up, the better. We need, to quote Harry 'proper players'.

My prediciton? We'll pull away from the mire, but its gonna be sticky for a few more games.

Beard Update

It's still on my face. Although (using my spiffing Remington Professional MB320C Diamond Beard Trimmer) I've cut it short (setting number 3) and will allow it to grow out once more to a more fuller Ellisesque standard. You won't catch me stylising it like that Gruber git.

Section 27

Take a moment to read through this campaign on the Football Supporters Federation site:

http://www.fsf.org.uk/news/Watching-football-is-not-a-crime.php

The gist of it is, the Football Supporters Federation has teamed up with civil rights organisation, Liberty to fight in favour of the rights of people who have been detained under Section 27 of the Violent Crime reduction Act. Stoke fans got the brunt of this in a recent away game to Manchester (United) when a group of them (80 fans) were individually served and all of them escorted back to Stoke. Their crime? Drinking in a pub, and hardly singing. In fact, they sound like a boring lot, but it's no crime to stand there and have a pre-match pint. And before you assume Stoke = troublemakers, the 80 in question were official away-match members of the club.

What is Section 27?

Section 27 legislation allows police to move someone from a specified area for a period of up to 48 hours. No offence needs to have been committed for the act to be enforced: the legislation gives police the power to move on people who they say pose a risk of alcohol-related disorder.

This is meant to be a specified locality but in the instances we’ve heard of police have moved people across the entire country under threat of arrest if they don’t comply. No hard evidence appears to be required, and no crime needs to have been committed.

The legislation was clearly designed to allow the moving on of small numbers of individuals who have been misbehaving under the influence of alcohol - for example, clearing areas outside of nightclubs at closing time. It was not designed to enable, in effect, football banning order to be imposed by the police on an entire pub.

We'll be needing a license to fart next. If they don't like you, you'll be dealt with. Forcibly. Much like the ravers who were victims to the clampdowns under the CJA of 1988. The Poll Tax riots birthed further amendments (introduced in '91) and then around 1994 we were dished with the CJA/Public Order Act. Add into the mix the fact that anti-terrorism acts can be used on non-terrorist police targets (such as protests, strikes, demonstrations) we have draconian tactics drowning a country already anchored to the bottom of the ocean.

Keeping in with the football theme, the fact chanting and drinking has already been clamped down on in many respects and even swearing is frowned upon by some clubs/stewards/match-day police - it makes you wonder what exactly the future holds for the stands across the country. The fact so many people are being priced out from what was born a working class game and gradually turned into a middle-class tossfest is one indication of where we are headed for.

But that's a given we have all accepted even if we don't admit it. Football has changed in a major way off and on the pitch. But as long as true fans exist, the spirit of the game will live on.

Two-fingers up to the social engineering that's getting rammed down our throats.

Arse Shaving hurts

Latest news is an echo of what we know already. He was in London (for Pav's birthday as well as speaking to an unnamed Prem club) and has now flown out to the Dominican Republic for his hols.

I think it's time to close this one off and look forward to signing an unknown continental/African player or one from the Championship (less of the Raziak ilk) instead.

I've even dismissed the possibility of re-signing Defoe as I keep forgetting that Man City will simply bid whatever over-estimation Pompey (or whoever else) price tag their players with.

Liverpool want rid of Keane? Sell him to City for £25M.
Pompey are broke? Sell Defoe and Johnson to City a cool £20M each.
Owen? Walk to City and get paid 200k per week for just scoring goals in the month leading up to January.
Zokora, best DM in the country, sell him to City for £30M.

Endless possibilities.

You oaf Aaargh Cup

Well that was almost an unmitigated disaster. Thanks to the magic of Gilberto. Brazilian, in case you've forgotten. And a defender, allegedly. 6 games since joining about a year ago and he will be best remembered for being half-time substituted thanks largely due to his ridiculously bad impacts on the game.

One ball, two players, neither go for the ball, the Russian squeezes in and makes it a threesome, and oops, there it goes under Gomes body for 0-1. Total football. Totally laughable football, and this time you can hardly blame Gomes, although you'd think one of them would say 'ITS MINE'. In Brazilian you'd think.

The second goal (scored again by Dzjuba, a lively tricky little player) is worth mentioning for the way he ghosted pass Zokora to slot after rounding Gomes. 0-2. Goodbye Europe. But along comes half-time. Good old trustworthy half-time. And off goes Gilberto after his not so Braziliant cameo. And from Harry's post-match comments I doubt we'll ever see him again in a Spurs shirt. Maybe we can box him up and send him first class to Monaco. I'll pay the sodding postage if you want.

Second half was about 100% better, in our favour. Enter Lennon and his accompanying Mazy Run™ resulting with a cut-back and Modric (finally) scoring for Spurs. Dzjuba should have got a hattrick from a wonderful Zokora pass, but didn't. Enter Bale and a more than decent cross and a stunning Huddlestone header. 2-2. With NEC scoring a couple, this was a lucky escape, as defeat would have meant the end. We finished up second in the table and now face Shakhtar Donetsk, which is no easy task. And if we somehow manage to fluke past that we've got to contend with either CSKA Moscow or Aston Villa. Tasty. Shakhtar have six Brazilians in their squad. Maybe if we re-direct that package from Monaco to the Ukarine......

Anyway, lowest attendance of the season at the Lane for this wont-be-appearing-on-dvd Cup game. Shame on us. We'll be mistaken for Newcastle next. 28,000 or so in a 55,000 stadium (looking ahead) is Sunderlandesque. I guess to get the glory hunters on board we need to get into the Champions League. And the chances of that with this paper-thin squad is 0%.