This really winds me up
Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 12:59PM There are many things in life that wind me up. Things that pull at my nerve endings till they break through my skin and then proceed to strum a tune with them. The type of ear-bleeding, head-pounding, gritted-teeth…oh please just do one type of wind up.
For example, I cannot stand the London Underground. I use it so therefore tolerate and thus deal with it because I have no other choice. I generally find it to be the toilet basin of travel with everyone taking an anti-social dump of frustration in it. And never flushing.
What grates me is the complete lack of social decorum and lack of common courtesy. Perhaps it's an English problem. We find it easier to be rude, obnoxious and generally shy away from doing a good deed because…well, someone else will do it for you, won't they? Best illustrated by people who suddenly fall asleep or bury their heads in their newspapers when a pregnant lady walks on clutching her bump, never looking directly at someone, waiting for that rare moment of chivalry.
What is tenfold worse than people who show a blatant disregard are the ilk of people who are oblivious. Honestly, hand on heart, if I was ever to go postal, then I'd do so on the Central Line. Nothing worse than numptys who have absolutely know sense if their surroundings and just sleep-walk around waiting for the Tube fairies to guide them to their destination.
How hard can it be?
You walk down the stairs, you turn either left or right to walk onto one of the two platforms depending on whether you are going east or west. When you make your decision and walk towards the arched entrance…why, why stop dead directly under it facing the platform? Why stand there looking confused? What in the f*ck is there to think about? Surely basic instinctive awareness would tell you three things:
1) You can turn left or right into the platform you are facing
2) If you make the wrong turning, you can - believe it or not - turn yourself around by the art of movement - face the opposite direction and walk towards it
3) There are people behind you, people you are blocking
Just f*cking move you imbecilic douche bags. It's not exactly a decision masked in mystery is it? You don't need Sherlock Holmes to hold your frigging hand.
Step the f*ck forwards.
They should introduce a law allowing legalised 'punches to back and neck' when someone just stops for no other reason other than stupidity and block your path. I'd also apply the same law to people who gleefully stroll down the platform when it's nigh packed, as if they're walking the dog in Hyde Park without a care in the world.
It's not just tourists, and I'm not a complete uncaring a*sehole, I get it…people get lost or confused. But get this. Stepping onto said platform from under the arched entrance…it doesn't mean you can't ever return from it. You're not going to be sucked into Narnia if you just keep on placing one feet in front of the other in that movement we like to call walking.
It's a train station. People are looking to get from a to b, and usually after 4:30, most are looking at getting home in the quickest way possible. Yes I know, it's all rush rush rush, everyone's in a hurry, but if everyone - every single person - was in a hurry, then we'd all be getting from a to b at the same pace meaning nobody would get angry and upset. i.e. me. Actually, to be fair, it's not that I'm in a hurry. I'm just focused to the task in hand. I'm respectful of the people around me, even if they don't deserve it.
The all-time classic was when I stood at the edge of a platform as a train pulled in. Doors opened - I was in a position that meant I could walk into the carriage first, but I allowed two people off the train (I know, heart of gold) and the bloke behind me was getting agitated and trying to force his way though. Which I did not allow. When he got on after me, he stood nearby swearing to himself, talking to himself - and quite obviously repeating the C word over and over again for my benefit. He was genuinely upset at my behaviour. I mean come on, get a grip.
And why was said tool upset? Because he had to wait 5 extra seconds to get onto the carriage? Because the people ON the train had right of passage before us and I respected this unwritten but obvious code of conduct?
I told him to shut the f*ck up which resulted with another gentlemen standing between the two of us before what would have been the most ridiculous reason to fight (ever) kicked-off.
"Yeah, yeah, I got into a fight the other day"
"Who with? Headhunters? ICF?"
"Nah mate. Bloke in a suit on a train. I kept him waiting cause I was proper hardcore, letting people off the train before I stepped on it"
Christ, my palms have gone all sweaty, ranting and typing. I want to punch people in the face now. I've lost my train of thought (still have the power of the pun). Okay, so what was the point I was trying to make with all this tube rage anecdotes?
Oh yeah, that's right, things in life that wind me up. This has turned into the longest link ever.
Things that wind me up? More so than slow walkers and dizzy motherf**ers on the Central Line?
Always, always losing to Manchester United. Even when we're winning we manage to allow the forces of fate to place a pillow over our face and we surrender and do not put up a fight as the air we breath is suffocated out of us.
For once, can we please just push the unequivocally annoying bastards in red out of the sodding way?
Punch 'em in the neck.
COYS.
Interview with a Manc
mancunia chats rooney glazers and spurs - part 1
manchester utd yoof spurs targets and the project - part 2
Spooky on...
Reader Comments (67)
A post I can 100% agree with.
Not sure if
a) all people have become rude pigs or
b) all the nice people are keeping heads down
But whatever it is last few years social behavious has gone down hill so that the twunts try to make us regular people feel out of place for acting with some manners or even just do things the right way like letting people off first.
Still, got to keep trying and remember as the philosopher Norman Stanley Fletcher often used to say "Dont let the b grind you down"
These situations really get the bloody pressure up! And to think I am only 27. A real pet hate of mine is when you hold open a door for somebody and they can't be arsed to say "Thanks"
don't get me started on the tube...
today i hate arsenal
more so because i actually don't rate most of their team and yet somehow they are still managing to thrash their opponents where we struggle at home to religation candidates
actually, to be more precise, i hate this arsenal supporting git who sits opposite me at work. i'm looking at him right now. arrogant tosspot.
he's one of those hardcore my team can do no wrong types.
now i like to think of myself as quite a open minded fan and i am the first to critise my team and players when they deserve it but not this guy and, come to think of it, not many arse fans i know.
they have this incredibly irritating common characteristic - they genuinely believe they are the best.
and i'm not just saying that as a yid - i have scouse, manc and chelsea mates and we are all united in our hatred of arsenal.
hate is a strong word but in this case, its the right one.
Funny that Spooky, I had a similar experience to you. Some twatt in front of me was fcuking about on the edge of the platform when I was trying to get on the tube.........................
Now and again you do something that surprises you.
Carriage, no seats available. The one bloke gets up and offers his seat to a woman. Which is fine, nothing extraordinary, it happens. Few stops later, one person gets up and leaves and this one bloke just in front of the seat offers it to the bloke who got up for the woman earlier.
"It's tradition", he said.
A tradition nobody follows, it seems.
Cesspool, complete and utter cesspool.
But enough about Old Trafford. Let's talk London Underground.
About 2% of that article was football related. And yet somehow, it works.
451 on Saturday chaps? Hoping we opt for Roman over Peter. We'll have far more success on the deck than booting the ball up field for knock downs.
There is absolutely no excuse not to get up for a pregnant woman, disgusting behaviour....
On topic, we need to fight the injustices we receive at OT.........bad decision dont drop head and die, roll up sleeves, channel anger into positive agressive play and win WIN. We never do this but im hoping players like VDV who play with spirit and their heart on their sleeves, galvanise the team.........
NO doubt misplaced optimism on my behalf
Bale, Luka and the Vaart all in the spot light, Fergie to tap 'em up at full time. No Webb so we've got half a chance.
United fan in peace. Howard Webb last time out should have red-carded Wilson Palacios early on and didn't. He makes mistakes, errors of judgements and they work for and against the two sides. And ref decisions aside, your mental prowess is weak. If you got a stranglehold on the fear factor and showed some bottle you'll have beaten us on several occasions in the past five years.
We'll edge this into a 2-1 score line, you'll give up and we'll score again.
Howard Webb is the bane of our lives, it is true, but we can't lay the blame on him. He does have a habit of making up for mistakes by making more mistakes, but let's try and play to a level that allows us to succeed without falling back on ready made excuses.
C O Y S.
i must say that i found the English very polite when it came to waiting in line and making room for people in the tube ...
We've only got Steam trains where I live. Always some chuffin train spotter with a Manure scarf on dawdling about on the platform. No doubt we'll hit the back of the net, only for it to be ruled out (the "Mendes ruling"), and they'll sneak a winner after about 8 mins of injury time.
PLEASE, NO CROUCH!
Steam trains? Where do you live?
Isle of Man - chuff chuff
Queuing - the one thing us Brits are still good at. Apparently not anymore. Losing to Man Ure, the one thing us Spurs are really good at. Hopefully not anymore? I predict a United win :*(
anyway, this is just a warm up game for Tuesday isn't it? Some cannon fodder to practise our moves against Milan? If we stop that Cuckaracha from scoring we could nick it?
Punching the neck - LOL
I can I have this very thought two-three times a day when using the District line.
Isle of man, of course, of course. Far more civilised than the polluted infested underground underbelly of London's backside where we all breath in everyone's coughs and farts.
just kippers and pig shit here mate. Still, cheap flight to Luton on Tuesday and I'll be at the Lane for the Milan game! COYS! Chewie wouldn't take any shit on the tubes. Push in front of me and I'll have your arm off.
Brilliantly funny because it's so true! Oh how I miss commuting.
People who want to turn right into a busy road who pull out, block half the road then expect to be let in.
People who don’t indicate.
People who can’t figure out the speed limit is the number in large black letters inside the bright red circle on a pole and so drive at 20 mph everywhere
People who walk abreast across a pavement and dawdle
People who stop to let you in or out of a junction and TELL you to go rather than politely allow you to go. Or don’t give you any indication at all and expect you to read their minds.
Women driving big 4x4s.
People who know 1000 yards in advance that their lane is closed but go all the way to the end then push in.
People on busy trains who stick their bag on the seat next to them and get all huffy when you ask to sit there.
People who don’t leave a gap in traffic jams at junctions so no-one can get in or out, just to avoid the possibility of someone getting in front of you, pretending they haven’t seen you
Just fuck off, the lot of you.
I think 555 may need anger management
cyclists riding two abreast, and horses, who rides chuffin horses on roads? Horses run in fields FFS! (Notice the IOM frustrations are of a slightly different nature to those encountered in London!)
Take it from me guys, it takes living in another country to realise how good the Public Transport in London really is. There's still plenty of dawdling twats but most of them are in cars instead because the transport is woefully inadequate.
The only thing I hate more than the bad drivers here is losing to Man Utd, especially from a winning position. Please FFS can we just make them look silly, just once, I'd even take a loss next season if it meant we could beat them this year.
Simple. Crouch plays...Assured loss. Crouch doesn't play...We compete/can win.
With the worst striker in the world appearing for us, it only fair to expect a loss. Given that United will score - penalty or whatever.
Long ball sh*t will be dealt with easily by their defenders who are very well drilled on this - as has been proven time and time again. Unfortunately, our Harry can't think of any other attack strategy of late.
I hate the sight of that Crouch thing. I'm willing to bet my bollocks that little JDS would score atleast once given 8 continous starts. The tall guy is a nightmare.
Why did you start this Spooky?? I effing hate the central line soo much, u forgot to mention the fuckwits who wedge themselves on a packed carriage! Just wait for the next fucking tube!!!!!
I can guarantee 100% we will lose to Man U.
Looks like this thread is being hijacked by people talking about football. Some people have no manners !!
Anyway for me Crouch/VDV have to start up top because they have got a few goals as a partnership already and we need to see if that can develop further.
Also I saw Pav play up front alone at WBA and he was ten times worse than any game Crouch has had for us. Dont want to see that again thanks.
1. Cunts who spin round with their backpack on in a confined space. (How much shit do you need to take to work every day anyhow?)
2. Goons.
People who don’t leave a gap in traffic jams at junctions so no-one can get in or out, just to avoid the possibility of someone getting in front of you, pretending they haven’t seen you
spot on 555 , i go mental when they do that to me
Some bloke once tried to get on the tube train while I was trying to get off.
It was one of them, end-of-carriage-single-door jobs. I don't quite know what he had in mind when he ducked his head and pushed toward me but, gravity, momentum and attitude were on my side...I angled myself to ensure I connected with him square on and, with a little push off the train, actually managed to shove him halfway across the platform, the decent waiting folk behind him all then all got on the train first...it was petty but it made me happy.
I think this has 1-1 written all over it.
If Gary starts at RB he will almost certainly be red carded before half. Or if he somehow manages to stay on SAF will sub him off at half. Bale must be wetting himself at the prospect. Now if only Harry plays him at LB again like he did last year!!
Similarly, idiots who ride up/down the escalator and stop on the landing, gaping around in wonder at where the hell to go while people pile up behind them. Ass stabbing, Italian Ultra syle should be the penalty.
Nothing worse than numptys who have absolutely know sense if their surroundings and just sleep-walk around waiting for the Tube fairies to guide them to their destination.
Idiooot
Well said Spooky. Fuck all to do with Spurs, but it needed saying.
Giving up a seat for a disabled or old or pregnant person? Chivalry has nothing to do with it. It's not being Polite either. It'sall about having been brought up well and with a good sense and understanding of social manners.
Sometimes, I hear what I say and start thinking I'm an old grandad who survivced the war, that would just love to beat some Victorian ideals back into the public conciousness. Then of course I realise that I'm not your typical Chelsea Pensioner in looks, age or heritage. But that's the way I think dammit.
I love this country for what it's graciously offered me and my family. The way it's rewarded our efforts with opportunities and a relatively good life, good friends, great memories. I used to commute to school as a kid. I wanted to stay at the same school, with the same friends and didn't much fancy starting anew when we got a house in N17. However that did mean I had to get up ruddy early every day, just like a proper working person, in order to catch the bus to Seven Sisters tube, and then enjoy the foibles of the Victoria Line and District and Circle Line trains.
I used to carry a feck off huge rucksack packed with books of a weight that a squaddie would've struggled with - but even then I was aware of not accidentally twatting someone with it's bulk. I also remember several times throughout the years getting up to give an old person, or pregnant person my seat - even when I was in one of those window seats - you know where the seats are horizontal, and so more difficult to get in and out as you have the people opposite and the person next to you to navigate past.
But quite clearly, the most amazing display of who-gives-a-sh*t I have ever witnessed is when on one said morning commute to school, whilst on the aisle seat of a horizonal pew, a suited woman (presumably on her way to work) standing in the middle of the 4 sets of pews, suddenly dropped like a sack of potatoes and had an almighty epileptic fit. This lasted almost the entire journey between 'Highbury and Islington' and 'Kings Cross' stations - where the train even waited in the tunnel. Now the sight of someone suffering from epilepsy having a fit on the middle of a packed tube, isn't exactly common and the entire carriage of half asleep commuters were obviously enthralled by the drama unnwinding before them especially those who were right next to her. I remember being told that the best thing to do when someone is having a fit, is to make sure their head is clear of anything that might crack it, and otherwise to let it abate before you go near them. As soon as it finished, the poor thing sat on the floor crying out of sheer embarrasment and it was then that I looked around at the people nearby.
I know people sometimes lose sense of their expressions, but I was expecting the usual 'whock', 'worry', 'concern'...however I wasn't expecting 'disdain' (that they had the nerve to conduct themselves that way in public) and neither did I expect 'ignorance' (as in right, that's over with now back to my paper). I got up, let her have my seat - and a person who seemed to have been travelling with her thanked me for it. The lady who had the episode never made eye contact with anyone when she got off at Green Park - and I don't blame her for it.
London is my home town. We're a tough bunch. Mostly strangers. We don't say good morning to each other anymore, as we've become more and more estranged with our neighbours. Life can be tough, and hard and the annoyances of tube travel are too many to name them all. But this is still England damit. This is the bejeweled capital city of a people who invented stiff upper lips, polite society, heirs and graces, and mind your manners -this is the country where you are conditioned to apologise to the person who accidentally steps on your toes (I still do). No matter how much we evolve as a country, as a culture we must never forget that we are here because people fought and died for us to live a life where we can watch Spurs play Man United and expect to win.
We've got freedom. Lets use it well. Lets all at the very least remember to be polite and to mind our manners be it on the roads, trains or doorways. And lets at the very least remember that we can and will beat that team in red from Manchester, just because it's the polite thing to do.
Lawn mowers on Sunday mornings (or afternoons)
Tea served in polystyrene cups
Rectal exams
Graeme Norton
Chelsea Fans who go to matches for the networking
Dameon Camolli
What an absolute gem of a post.
Tremblys.
Although Bruce, I like your styling too.
Very polite of you.
what even with "'whoch', 'worry' and 'concern'" of it being too long? Frankly it's a shock that anyone's actually "survivced" the tale.
Typos-nearly-as-bad-as-Gypos.
Long is what we do best here.
Yeah I have to say, Trembly, much like your post on the importance of football on here a few weeks back, this is absolute gold.
You had me at 'hello'...
I once saw a man barge an old lady over as he tried to get into the carriage. I'm still proud to this day that I got back into the train, punched him in the face and calmly walked back out again just as the doors closed. I then spent the next two days terrified it was on camera and I was going to be sued.
I think we got this one at Old Trafford.
VDV is gonna put on a proper show and leave them stunned.
Prediction: 2-1 Spurs.........with seven minutes of injury time in the second half which will end up narrowing the diameter of my coronaries by about thirty-five percent, a health effect that is not dissimilar from my days of riding public transport in Gotham.
i dislike people who drop their guts in public places...especially on the train or the bus..what a ponk...why is it that people who drop their guts in public think that other people would actualy enjoy the smell? i mean you know if ur walking along with ur missus and u see some nice flowers in a garden n u stop and av a smell well obviously whoever planted those flowers knows that they smell nice..but a fart? not so long ago someone dropped their guts on a bus and everybody started coughing and the driver stopped the bus and opened the doors and screamed out"phew that stinks and they bus stays here until the smell goes" and the guilty person down the back of the bus started laughing....absolute disgrace
Pebble, you are a rock.
A modern day Batman in the swill and scrap of London's modern day Gotham. Just be sure to keep your mask and cape on the next time you do anything like this. Although, having seen how the Brazillian Stockwell thing turned out, probably best to just risk the cameras.
BTW in order to keep the story neat and tidy - you did attend to the old biddy didn't you? Otherwise, it could end up painting you as someone that just wanted an excuse to smack someones face in :o
WFRF too generous. Spooks - I honestly did think you meant BC's post. It still has me in stitchs wondering whether it's in no partucular order, or like in all good lists run down from the least to the most...meaning Comolli and Chelski fans networking are more excruciating than a rectal exam :)
Simon, I've been guilty of that. Well, many many years ago. Sunday, played football down at Leyton Marshes then we all got the tube into Convent Garden and went to the Maple Leaf pub. Very quiet in there, had a corner to ourselves and had quite a brilliant afternoon/evening. Never been someone to down the pints but was drinking cider and had about nine or ten. Which for is quite a ridiculous feat. I found myself thinking, Christ, I feel merry but I could drink this all night long.
When we finally left, the second we walked out into the cold night air and BANG BANG. I accepted the undeniable truth that I was completely and utterly wasted.
At Tottenham Court Rd station, I decided that rather than walk up the platform, I would roll myself up it. I then proceeded to vomit in four different carriages.
Epic stuff. Thankfully, I was beyond the realm of decency and was immune to embarrassment.
Not a proud day.
Stiring stuff people, it's great to hear there's still some decent people out there. (and we all happen to be Spurs fans). Trembly, I'm wellin' up. This is partly why I go to Church, I want my kids mixing with other kids who are being taught the right way to treat people. Having said that, I hope Palacios plays and kicks the Manure scum into the grass.