Spurs win the Desperation Derby

Newcastle 1 Spurs 2

Sorry for the delay in posting this blog. I've been out celebrating our win. Only just got back.

Cough.

Worst game ever? Possibly, at least when referring to the opening 45 mins. Two teams devoid of direction and confidence, labouring towards sleep paralysis. I switched off after 20mins, fleetingly going back to the game in the vein hope of something. Anything. This was the de-evolution of football, live on Sky Sports - with additional anti-Spurs commentary by their resident pro-Arsenal commentator.

Oh yes. We were shit. But somehow, getting the brunt of the negativity simply because we had more of the possession is a tad mis-placed. Enough of the sympathy for Newcastle, who were kicking lumps out of us. Feel free to laugh at them.

Our tactic was far more subtle. We moved sideways and backwards. It's like we've had the imagination drained out of us. Lobotomised and useless. But then when the 19th team in the Prem host the 20th - that's crisis club v bottom of the lot - a 'classic' is the least expected outcome. This was bad non-league football on display. And if neutrals were not switching off the 19,000 who turned up to see this were regretting not staying away.

Gio livened things up when he came on. He defied the world of footballing science (as displayed by us and the opposition) by moving 'forwards' with the ball. Revolutionary! Pav notched up a goal. O'Hara deserved his fortunate 'winner' for the effort he put in. Lennon again was full of purpose. So there were some positives.

But all we did was beat a poor team. We didn't thrash them. Or out play them. Or swagger. We did enough to win. As ugly as it was.

Play like this at Pompey and we might just get smacked. Yes I know they have been spanked recently, and we have a decent record down there, but we really aren't very good at the moment.

How many Spurs players do you have in your fantasy football team?

Exactly.

Relegation Scrap™ 2008/09

Spurs 0 Wigan 0

Whilst Man City decimated Portsmouth, I was experiencing the displeasure of the pinnacle of inept. Wigan, for all their work and efforts, are not that good. Good enough though for a point at the Lane. This was the quintessential 'game for the taking' for us. Instead we failed with all the basics. From set pieces to passing and movement.

Upfront, Bent and Pav had no support. And sadly no understanding between the two of them. The latter is something you could forgive if the midfield were able to provide opportunities for the both of them. But they couldn't. Bringing on Campbell didn't make an impact good enough for a breakthrough. Lennon though gave us some much needed pace. Questionable selection by Ramos choosing the completely out of form Bentley who appears to have forgotten how to beat the first man with his corners. Again.

In fact, all in all, most of our players looked uncomfortable and uneasy on the ball. We hoofed it. We mis-placed passes. It was all a bit too embarrassing, lacklustre and basically fucking shit.

Too good to go down? We ain't even good, so going down at the moment isn't something that should be dismissed because you have to worry about where the confidence boosting morale changing team performance enhancement victory is going to come from.

The chant of 'We are Tottenham Super Tottenham' that rang out from around the ground in the second half was there to make up for the booing at half-time and help inspire the team. But it felt more like a defiant song of realisation; we are heading for a scrap.

Over dramatic? Well, how many times were going to have to wheel out the same excuse of 'time is needed for the team to gel' and 'once we win, all will be fine'. Will another month of defeats and draws still be 'ok' for us while the players all learn how to work hard, graft and play with urgency, passion and fucking bite?

Our fixture list for the next two months (ignoring the Carling Cup and UEFA Cup, because at the moment, I wouldn't bet on us progressing in either):

September

(A) Pompey

October

(H) Hull City
(A) Stoke City
(H) Bolton Wanderers
(A) Arsenal

November

(H) Liverpool
(A) Manchester City
(A) Fulham
(H) Blackburn Rovers
(H) Everton

Last year, we knew we would concede but we also knew we would score goals. This season, conceding is usually a cert. Scoring....well, we look incapable. The worst in the league. Although, since that Carling Cup win - even with Berbatov and Keane in the team, we hardly set the world on fire. We had a useless end of season run-in. So this 'run' started at the back end of last season and has continued into this one.

When did we sell Robbie Keane? During the summer months. Why not replace him there and then. With Berbatov, it seems Levy holding out for the extra £5M and thus resulting with us taking on a Utd reserve player on loan is proving to be of great irony considering the lower we finish in the table the less money we take from the Prem place we finish in. That could cost us a hell of a lot more than £5M. He should have gone in the summer too, and the likes of Comolli and Ramos should have had a complete squad before we kicked off at Boro.

The fault is with all, from top to bottom. The quotes in the previous blog sum it all up perfectly.

So, looking at October (and the Pompey game next week):

(A) Pompey

October

(H) Hull City
(A) Stoke City
(H) Bolton Wanderers
(A) Arsenal

How many points, on current form, could we get from this lot? 6? 9? Whatever happens, Hull and Bolton at home are now MUST wins. Depressing, no?

Played 5, 2 points, no wins. This isn't the Glory game. I fucking hate football.

~Spooky

Finally, a win

Tottenham 2-1 Wisla Krakow

Disappointing performance. I know 'a win is a win is a win' - but if we don't improve for Sunday and then the return leg, then brace yourselves for a shit storm.

On paper the team looked more balanced than Monday's disaster, but then again, playing tubs of lard through the middle of the team instead of registered players would have been more effective compared to our line-up against Villa. However, using Lennon on the left-hand side is not a tactic that can long continue. Not helped too much by the fact that Bentley, on his right side, was woeful (did any one of his corners beat the first man?).

Opening 2o minutes saw us chasing the ball. Krakow dominated possession. It's hard going creating chances for a lone gunman upfront, another tactic that simply doesn't work. When we took the lead, we let it go immediately. Will we ever learn to put our foot on the ball? Zokora, gives away a throw-in and the Polish (with some style) walk the ball in.

Our second half disallowed goal was one moment of glory football. Brilliant build up work. Shame on the linesman. Shame. On comes Agent Campbell, and before you can say 'tap up' he's showing a bit of determination and energy. So when he assists Bent for a goal, one or two of us smiled that at least Manchester United's loan star has something to offer.

2-1. Not enough really, is it? Krakow have never lost a European home tie, so whatever happens, we need to notch up an away goal or two. Big task on this form. I don't even fancy us to beat Wigan on Sunday.

Dramatic knee-jerks aside, the team still lacks cohesiveness. There is no urgency and definitely no strength in central midfield. Upfront, Bent still looks isolated and alone and certain players (Bentley for example) are just not playing well enough to inspire those around them - and the fans.

King. Well, Ledley looked knackered. I'd say somethings not quite right, but then we've known that for three years now. Zokora made it one good performance (Chelsea) out of five games. Yes, he has a set of lungs on him and runs around - but no first touch, composure or anything that warrants the world 'class'. But that's no secret.

Special mention to the Poles. Very decent side in possession. But a confident, swaggering team of a season or two ago - led by Berbatov and Keane would have terrorised them. Such is the negative impact of losing both our talismen .

Other than that, anyone at the Lane last night would have enjoyed the first half atmosphere at the very least, with various pockets of Krakow fans in the home stands.

West stand upper, East stand upper and the lower....these boys in red had no problem walking through the home fans turnstiles and taking their place. Questionable responsibility from Spurs officials/stewards and the police. Did make for some cracking moodyness. Bit of bother outside after the game. Police presence was up to the standards of a Chelsea home match.

I think their fans probably went home a little happier than ours. Also, good to finally see Ramos speaka da Englisho. Hopefully he'll give us something to crow about sooner rather than later.

Every Prem game now is vital for confidence and climbing off the bottom. If we lose our next two cup games and don't improve in the league, then.........ah fuck it. If if if if if.

I'll stick the negativity on ice for now.

~Spooky

Epic Fail

Spurs 1 Aston Villa 2

What a shambles. I can't even be arsed to dwell too much on this miserable evening, so I'll stick to the main points.

We have three games in the space of a week. Villa, some Polish side and then Wigan on Sunday. So, what does Ramos do? He selects a disjointed and weakened side in arguably our toughest game of the three. Bentley dropped to the Bench, King rested completely. And selecting Huddlestone and Dawson to play against the pace and movement of Villa was a monumental fuck up. Not helped by a typical Zokora display of complete non-existence, we sat back and watched Villa out run us, out move us, out pace us - the lot. Embarrassing.

Even when we did start to play possession football deep into the second half, there was still no end product. In fact the only person attempting end product is the one person who has no end product. Lennon.

Huddlestone in action for Spurs against Villa

The first Villa goal was scored when Huddlestone lost his man. The second, I'm not going to dwell on Gomes allowing the ball to slip under him. Gomes in the first half saved us from going into the dressing room at half-time, 4-0 down. Dawson was at fault for this one. That shot should never have been fired towards goal.

I didn't see Bent's consolation. I was already on my way out.

4 played, one draw, three defeats - two of them at home. Had we played a full strength team, I'm uncertain if the result would have been any different.

Now, you could argue losing Berbatov and Keane isn't something we are going to recover from in a handful of games. But you could also argue, that if Levy, Comolli and Ramos have been assembling this squad since the start of the summer, then resting players shouldn't result in such a shambolic performance. All tonight illustrates is that there is no true depth - which means, play the strongest side possible when a win is most needed. What we get instead is glue, sticking us to the bottom of the league.

Michael Dawson, falling over

Huddlestone should only be used as an impact sub on current form and mobility. Dawson if everyone else is injured. Zokora's over-hyped performance at Chelsea masked his deficiencies once more, for all of 5 minutes, before it dawned on the faithful that he is in fact fucking gush. At least young Gio gave us some hope.

Poor Pav, upfront - running into space and behind defenders waiting for a ball that will never arrive. Again, its unfair to be critical of either Pav or Bent. At the moment they look too similar to be playing together - but they do need time to gel (or attempt to do so). So surely tactically, something should have been agreed upon, because if the tactic was hoofing the ball for someone to get their head on it and for someone else to run onto it, then fuck are we fucked.

I'm back at White Hart Pain on Thursday for more comedy. I live the life of a fucking king, I do.

~ Spooky

It’s going to get worse before it gets better

SPURS 1 SUNDERLAND 2

To all the moist Spurs fans that got their knickers wet in pre-season.....dry them. Saturdays home defeat against Sunderland illustrated that as much as we can stand back and slag off the players, the management have to take responsibility. Why over complicate matters with 4-5-1 formations (leaving Bent stranded, again) and players out of positions (Bale, Zokora, Bentley...)?

We have failed in our summer preparations to start the season with a bang, and have managed to replicate the start of last season with two lacklustre ordinary average performances.

Do we need time to gel? A little, but not something as drastic as two straight defeats. It's avoidable. The quality is there. It’s just not being maximised. It’s mostly all down to the tactics and the manager. Ramos has to motivate and instruct, and on this showing the belief is lacking and the structure is weak. Play the players in the most comfortable position available for them, let them get to grips with their new team mates by using a basic 4-4-2 (just play dos Santos upfront with Bent - again, not ideal but we have nobody else).

The Berbatov situation is now farcical. Wasn’t even in the squad because his mind wasn’t right. There is no shadow of a doubt he will leave, and that has never changed – regardless of Levy and his complaints. So if he isn’t going to play, he is not only redundant but he’s also (as the club have said countless times) a negative influence. Send him on his way, get him as far away as possible because there’s no repair for this breakdown.

I’m going to sound like a broken record, but how on earth have we managed to find ourselves in this type of situation? Again? If you profiled Spurs as a club, regardless of the year or chairman or players or coaching staff – we always take backwards steps when walking forwards is the easiest option.

Keane. Gone.
Berbatov. Going.
Bent. The only recognised striker in our squad (because we don’t actually rate our ‘kids’ to give them a chance preferring to delude everyone they need a loan spell before making it to our first time).

With two defeats out of three (make it three in three after next Sunday), we have no firepower. Maybe Bent won’t be left on his own now that two games have proven the system does not work. Even a poorish Spurs side with an unbalance midfield can rape the oppositions defence. We did that countless times last year with Berba and Keano. I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to replace both, but we have had a shedload of time to do so, and although I understand that the club ‘knows best’ and might be working their little cotton socks off behind the scenes to bring in two quality players – surely we could have sorted it before the season kicked off? Six points gone, with a serious chunk of creative spark and shots on goal disappearing with it.

But it's only two games. Well, three if you include the tonking Chelsea will dish us next weekend. Bottom of the Prem, here we come. Only way is up, yeah?

Considering how easy it is for us to buy attack minded players, I refuse to believe that we were also incapable of bringing in a fucking for fucks sake defensive fucking midfielder. Just because Arsenal have a shit midfield doesn’t mean we can get away with it too. Broken record time again, we need a sodding DM yesterday. Not sure what Jenas is meant to be. And no, I’m not going to do the easy thing and blast the lad like the easy target he is. He shouldn’t be vice-captain, and it's not his fault he is. He has problems with his own self-confidence, so how on earth is he meant to inspire the rest of our lot? He was one of our better players on Saturday. But he isn't the leader this club needs so badly.

It’s all really quite simplistic. We get drowned in all the hype (self-made by us and the tabloids) when in reality unfulfilled potential equates to not being very good. That's Jenas and Spurs.

If we had Berba and Keane upfront, we probably would have won both games, simply due to the chances we would have created. Sure, it would have possibly masked the weakness of a DM-free midfield and a defence that needs a recognised RB and another CB to cover our Rolls Royce with a puncture. But the world-class Berbatov and the energetic Irish cartwheel would have been the inspiration to the rest of the team. Goals breed confidence.

But there is no Keane or Berbatov. And Ramos and Poyet are getting it all wrong with the fancy stuff. If this is a damage limitation exercise till the 4 (we live in eternal hope) new signings are brought in – then we are getting it wrong, epically.

Five wins in the calendar year of 2008 speaks volumes about how bad we have been since that Carling Cup final. Spurs have to wipe off the bitterness surrounding Berbatov and move the fuck forward.

Textbook opening day result

Boro 2 Spurs 1

The unmistakable stench of mediocrity is once again rearing its ugly head towards us and winking knowingly.

Welcome to another opening game defeat, as presented by Tottenham Hotspur.

We, apparently, according to Poyet have clever and intelligent players who don't need time to gel. Which is questionable considering how many times we got raped down the right hand side. Midfield was somewhat lacking the basics. No closing down, no urgency, no midfield defensive qualities...no balance which meant Boro found it relatively simple to counter and apply pressure with relative ease. With Zokora doing his utmost to impersonate Daniel Alves (and ending up just looking like Zokora playing in the right back position with discipline), it was pretty disappointing from start to finish. Where was the support for Bent? Didn’t come from Gio (way too early to expect miracles from the kid) and Bentley was quiet.

Hopefully now people would stop banging on about thrashing Roma like it meant something. Competitive games are upon us and once more we fail to assert ourselves.

I’m not about to hit the panic button. This has always been Spurs on the opening day. It’s how we follow up at home in the next game that will be telling.

What’s blatantly obvious, and has been for as long as I remember is that we need a DM. How many times is that statement going to be repeated? And if King is gonna to star in 15 or so Prem games this season then a CB has also got to be signed. Again, repeated endlessly but not so much it seems at the Lodge. Yet I suspect all we will sign is a forward to replace Berbatov who started on the bench yesterday. A decision that probably cost us the three points. But then would you play start the Sulk if his mind is about his impending medical? When he came on, we almost scored twice thanks to his movement and touches. If he started and we got the first goal, we probably would have turned it on, regardless of the unbalance. Such is the dizzy heights of confidence and belief.

As for the game, Boro had a perfectly legit goal disallowed, prior to that missing an easy opportunity. We had half chances that were never going in. Missing Keane already. The slim and sexy Mido scoring was the type of irony that we always allow to get rubbed in our faces. He was gracious after the game which showed class imo. Our goal was an own goal, testament to how we failed to get close to actually hitting the back of the net from a Spurs players touch.

I’m not going to analyse the game anymore than that. No point. If we lose to Sunderland at home, the shit is gonna hit the fan. Literally. I’m going throw frozen shit pellets at the chairman and some of them might deflect or hit innocent bystanders. I’ll apologise for the collateral damage now.

Yoof!

The Spurs kids have done it again, another final, and another piece of silverware. 2-1 against Sporting Lisbon in the Tournoi International de Football de Monthey in Switzerland on Sunday.

That's three major youth tournament finals this season (we won the the Eurofoot in Belgium in August and were runners-up in the Dusseldorf International in March).

The team:

Spurs: Button, Smith, Hutchins, Kasim, Martin, Butcher, Rose (Hutton, 45), Livermore, Pekhart (Olsen, 65), Mason, Townsend. Unused subs: Jansson, Mtandari, Obika, Fraser-Allen.

Pekhart, Olsen, Rose, Townsend.....Hopefully this lot will save us a few bob in the transfer market. Unless Damien 'Chequebook' Comolli spots another £16M bargin.

Done and Dusted

It’s a tradition for me to dress up on the final home game of the season to further highlight and bring exposure to my crusade against Levy’s incompetent reign as chairman - and this year was no different. In the past I have been naked (more of a dress down there), and chained to a turnstile. Last season I was kitted out as Harry Hotspur, in armour with plastic inflatable sword. But this season I went beyond the call of duty. I shaved my head, stuck on a pair of glasses, a suit and wore a mouth mask which allowed for the illusion of a permanent smug smile. Monopoly money stuffed in pockets and lettering on the back of my jacket stating: PLEASE BUY THE OPUS, NEED MONEY FOR CAVIAR ADDICTION. As I skipped down the High Road, I randomly jumped out in front of Spurs fans shouting:

“I’m ripping you off!”
“10% rise on your season ticket”
“Renewal by the deadline otherwise you’re banned for life”
“The bagels are never fresh”
“New stadium, are you ‘aving a laugh….is he ‘aving a laugh?”
“Let’s ground share with West Ham!”

Yes, tonight Matthew, I’m going to be…..Daniel Levy.

Within twenty minutes of arriving at the Park Lane end of the ground, I was jumped by a group of Spurs fans who were also in fancy dress. I got a taste of Levy’s abject existence if he was to relegate himself from the high life and interact with the common man as I lay on the floor like a hedgehog all curled up and motionless while Ali G, Indiana Jones, a Roman centurion and a fat bloke in sandals kicked the shit out of me. And I allowed it. I allowed it as a testament of my loyalty to my campaign to oust the chairman. Yes, they were kicking and punching me. But in essence that was Levy on the ground begging for mercy. I made myself into a living breathing visual statement of his mis-management and ordinary salt of the earth Spurs fans instinctively reacted by beating me up. As they walked away laughing, with other fans having witnessed the incident, I knew the impact made had far reaching implications. By the time you read this the video will up on Youtube and thousands will see what I created. Levy defeated by fans.

Once I dusted myself off and walked through the turnstiles, nobody took much notice of my costume. They just assumed I was a git. I burnt my season ticket in the men’s bog. Nobody noticed. And when I took my seat, people were far too busy reading the new kits catalogue because the club knows we all want to spend loads and loads of our hard earned money on a new kit and training jacket just before we spend over £600 on a new season ticket.

The game itself was a joke. But then every single match since the Cup final, bar the 4-4 draw with Chelsea (although our defending for all of their goals was poor) has been nigh shambolic. We haven’t had a decent full 90 minutes since we lifted that piece of silverware at Wembley. Now, it’s difficult to gauge whether the teams performance in the league is down to bad management on the part of Ramos and Poyet or laziness on the part of the players. You could even argue that Ramos hasn’t achieved anything in the league, with regards to progression and development and style of play. We have looked lethargic and soft for months now. Is it because more than half the players are on their way out of the club? If so, why not play more youngsters? Maybe our first-teamers don’t think they need to bother trying week in week out knowing they had UEFA Cup football next season all sorted. Why should they when they get paid no matter what?

It’s akin to you or me getting up for work in the morning, getting to our desk and then proceeding to do nothing all day other than browse the net on forums and day dream and then disappear for two hours at lunch, browsing cd’s at HMV - and still get paid your wages, and when someone questions your effort you say, “Well I turned up, didn’t I? What else do you want?”

£20,000 - £50,000 some of them pick up for doing fuck all. What a hard life. What a struggle. Lennon wasn’t anywhere near the squad on Sunday. Apparently out drinking in Loughton the previous night, he was spotted in his Ferrari leaving WHL just after 2pm. I’m guessing he had an eyebrow appointment he just couldn’t cancel. From the looks of Jenas in the first half I’m thinking he also spent Saturday night in Loughton boozing it up. No pace in midfield and no spark upfront. And Dawson in defence. It’s what nightmares are made of. Dawson and his England aspirations are always good for a laugh. Too many of our players open their mouths and talk far too often about what they want to be achieving when in reality it’s just not going to happen. Delusions of grandeur on and off the pitch. Liverpool were nothing special, bar Gerrard and Torres. But we had no equivalents to inspire something out of nothing like they so easily did.

Instead we got Berbatov doing his utmost to do nothing, making sure no last gasp injury would ruin a move away to Italy or Spain or Chelsea (there, I said it). He hardly tracked back or closed down (something that Fergie wouldn’t stand for). Everyone else was just as poor. Based on this season as a whole I’d keep Keane (fantastic goal scoring record), Woodgate, O’Hara (decent enough squad player), Hutton and Steed. King looks like he’s sticking around unless the doctors say otherwise during the summer months, but everyone else is dead weight.

Once Bale is back and Modric is settled, the escape from this bland abyss of shit will be truly complete if we can avoid any traditional Comolli signings (i.e. Zokora, Kaboul) and bring in players that are actually capable of giving something back. I say that every year, so history would suggest we are screwed. Again.

Talking of signings, maybe someone from the club can explain why Gunter wasn't involved more after the Cup final (is he injured?) and as for Gil- the best is yet come -berto, awful.......just awful awful awful.

Highlights of the game included a brawl in the East Stand between supporters. No idea if it was Liverpool fans in amongst our own, or the usual in-house fighting over much ado about nothing. Loads of punches thrown, kicking to the floor, pushing and goading. Must have been another Daniel Levy look-a-like at the centre of it. An other brother on a mission. Not a single police officer in sight during all this high drama. Just bewildered stewards watching on in fear. The police were all too busy at the various tube stations in London due to us, West Ham and Chelsea playing at home. The brawl was followed by coin/programme throwing at one of the executive boxes (just above where the trouble was) which had Liverpool fans in it. Classy stuff there lads. Especially as one of the Liverpool fans was about ten years old. The events at the JJB and Stamford Bridge were getting more cheers than anything happening on the pitch. Dire stuff all round. The sun was wasting its shine on our lot.

So that’s it. End of the season. The true test of Ramos managerial skills will run the gauntlet from the first game of the 2009 season. Apart from the Cup run we haven’t shown any evidence of improvement. There has been no swagger since last season’s exploits, nothing to match the UEFA Cup run. This years effort was abysmal, a continuous struggle from one game to the next.

From the moment that the club decided to get rid of Jol and decided that doing it publicly would be the best route to go down, we haven’t fully recovered. There have been moments. We have entertained. Scored a ton of goals and conceded us many. There’s been plenty of positives, but far too many depressing negatives. 30% of all goals conceded have come from outside the box is one of my personal favs, especially when Fulham are send in that table with just 14%. Getting rid of Robinson should save us about 18 points.

I can only hope that the reason we have been so poor is because so many players know their future is away from the club. Robinson has dyed his hair blond. Highlight of the season for him (ooh pun). He got a rousing ‘England’s number one’ during the lap of honour. It felt like the singing faithful knew this would be the last time we would see him as a Spurs player so they choose to remember better times. He waved. All very low key. Much like Berbatov’s wave as his name was sang out. All the best in the Champions League.

The 4-4 Villa draw, the 5-1, the Reading 6-4, the Cup final. It’s been a bit mad.

We’ve also gone from having a steady reliable defence (the two Jol years) to having one that just can’t defend at all. A return to the status quo then. Our home record has gone to shit. We still can’t take set pieces (apart from O’Hara corners) and still can’t kill teams off.

It’s unfair (repeating myself) to be critical of Ramos. He managed a win over Arsenal. Jol never did. We didn’t choke in either of those semi-finals and held our nerve to beat Chelsea in the final. Disappointingly, we failed in Europe – but too often this was down to the players rather than the tactics. At least that’s what I prefer to believe at the moment.

Ramos has done a damage limitation job. He has assessed the squad and from the looks of it has been winding down the season because there is nothing more for him to learn about the current batch. He has done a decent job considering that the season was practically lost when he joined (the league push for Europe was dead). Regardless of Kaboul’s rant about how we would have won the Cup with Jol in charge. We would not have won it under Jol. He had his chance the previous season.

Robinson, Lee, Kaboul, Chimbonda, Tainio, Stalteri, Cerny, Rocha (does he even exist?), Gardner, Boateng, Ghaly and Berbatov will all be gone. The other rumour is that Defoe’s transfer to Pompey included a deal that will allow Diarra to join Spurs. Arsenal wouldn’t sell him to Spurs but whether he was bought by Harry with the intention of allowing Spurs to ‘swap’ him for Defoe or that it’s just turned out that way is up to your own imagination. Defoe has apparently cost Pompey just £3M. Would explain Diarra’s ‘stepping stone’ comment 5 minutes after signing for them. Although with Pompey in a proper Cup final and above us in the Prem, it’s not so much a stepping stone but more of a trip into a muddy puddle.

Seville had a swagger about them under Ramos. I’ll be happy if we can have a bit of that about us again. And another 5th spot finish would make up for a truly unspectacular 11th.

As I left the ground, with a summer of Englandless football to look forward too, one thing sat in my mind as I contemplated next season…………will my hair grow back? That and……Here we go again.

4-1

"You've got to be great to rotate. And Spurs aint great".

And that sums up the 4-1 defeat at St. Andrews perfectly. That and the fact Ramos played one or two out of position and the rest on the bench. Rest/lose our two best centre backs, our main midfielder and our top scorer along with our threat from wide positions and we're left with not much in the way of anything.

Play a full strength side and then take players off would have been the better option, but I'm guessing the hangover from the Cup Final is still buzzing around in the heads of all.

Probably the best thing to happen was for us to get tonked like this. Reminds everyone that there's stil plenty of work to be done. Not so much chasing a higher position, but more to do with adding more strength to the squad.

Not much else to say. Other than Robinson replicating his positioning from the Cup Final for yet another conceded free-kick.

The Didier Zokora Cup Final

Chelsea 1 Tottenham 2 aet

There was a moment in this game that had me jumping around, screaming out to the heavens muttering the same word over and over and over again.

Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.

Why Zokora? Of all the players to find himself running towards the goal, why does it have to be him? Didier, bless him, makes Steffen Freund look like Thierry Henry. But then he isn’t a goal-scoring midfielder. Even when he managed to find Cech’s head rather than the goal, he failed to compose himself and lay the ball to Berbatov or better still, find the target with the second opportunity presented to him.

See, these are the moments that pretty much define Spurs.

If only.
Almost.
Nearly.
So close.

The cruel irony is that the player who run from midfield is the one player that you know won’t be able to do what you oh so want him to do. But it was at this very moment that I had an epiphany.

Chelsea had done practically nothing all game. And rather seeing this assessment from a typical Spurs point of view, being ‘we’re gonna fuck it up’, I saw the game through the eyes of a neutral. Just for that one all-seeing moment.

There was nothing to suggest Chelsea would get something from the match. Spurs were in their ascendency. And I could see it. But before we get to this part of the game, let’s go back to the start. The opening 45 were ominous to say the least. My epiphany at this point in time was nothing but a sperm casually backstroking towards the egg.

We started brightly and created chances, but Drogba’s insistence at taking centre stage with his theatrics proved to be the dramatic catalyst for the wrong kind of breakthrough. This was Drogba’s no country for real men, and with each pathetic fall to the ground, it made me wish for an air-powered cattle gun. Yet another collapse to the ground, this time 30 yards out was definitely a free-kick, and the irony wasn’t lost on anyone.

What followed was a quirk that was probably noticed instantly by Ramos (mistakes like this are avoidable). A complete mess of a wall, built with Marmite rather than cement. Not only was it in the wrong place, but the fact King and Robinson failed to orchestrate some kind of organisation was unnerving. You could see exactly what Drogba was going to do. He tried it earlier. This time it was an open invitation. We hate it, they loved it. Drogba shots and scores. Robinson hardly moves. This time not because of consumption of pie, but rather the fact that even if he did dive in the general direction of where the ball was placed he wouldn’t even get there in time with rockets on his boots.

1-0 to them and much biting of nails insured.

One highlight from the first 45 minutes involved the Chelsea fans rising to sing a chorus of ‘Stand up if you hate Tottenham’. The Spurs fans stood up and sang ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’. The Chelsea faithful should really do their best to look elsewhere for that defining rivalry.

During half-time I wondered if this was going to be one of those disappointing days where efficient Chelsea do enough to stifle the game into a non-glamorous victory in their favour.

At this point I was worried. Goes without say I was enjoying the occasion, but I suddenly got sickeningly nervous of losing. Yeah sure, it’s the Carling Cup. The lickle half-breed cousin of the FA Cup. But this was Chelsea, and losing to them (and fucking ‘ell have we done a lot of that in recent years) is just not a feeling I choose to experience anymore. I hate it. I hate it more than losing to Arsenal. It’s like losing to Fulham. Why the fuck would you accept losing to Fulham?

Then there’s the fact that it’s a ticket back into the UEFA Cup. It’s not the ideal way in but it’s on offer. And with our bad start to the season costing us any true chance of finishing top 6, this is the dream ticket.

And finally, its silverware. You know. That thing other teams outside the top 4 sometimes manage to flirt with on the odd occasion the second-string eleven don’t make it through to the final. Makes the honours list look not too shabby either. What’s good for the goose...

Winning it would also make it number 15 in Cup competitions won domestically and in Europe (only Utd and Liverpool have won more). Call it just rewards for the progress made by Ramos in the short months he has been here or proof that we don’t choke when it matters. A medal of honour.

So back with the sickeningly nervous feeling, I couldn’t shake. And onto the second half.

“Huddlestone has to come on”, my mate commented.
“I can’t see where a Spurs goal is gonna come from”, I informed him a few minutes earlier.

And then Hudd came on. For Chimbonda. I burst several veins in my forehead screaming abuse at Pascal the Mercenary who was disgraceful in the ungracious manner he walked off the pitch. No urgency, no care in the world other than his vanity. And off he went down the tunnel. It’s bitterly disappointing he wasn’t sold in the January transfer window.

So with the skinny demure Hudd on, things began to change a little. A disguised pass here and there. Lennon, who might as well have been in Faces during the first half, began to show a little spark. And as I thought back to my comment about not seeing where we would score from, we go and win a penalty. Didn’t think of that one. The decision was never in doubt. Juggling the ball isn’t controversial imo. It’s nailed on, ball on the spot.

The sickeningly nervous feeling turned into a haemorrhage. Up steps Berbatov. Some Spurs fans run down to the bottom of the aisle and look upwards to the fans, preferring to watch the crowd reaction rather than the actual penalty.

Up steps the Bulgarian and in one majestically cool second we are level. Pandemonium at long last. And that little bit of hope is embracing us.

Tainio on for Steed. And Spurs continue to press and push and the tempo is now where it should be. Pace with movement and purpose. Chelsea are disjointed in comparison. Anelka isolated with zero chemistry between him and Drogba, or anyone else for that matter.

Lampard unable to control a midfield bossed by Jenas and Zokora. Jole Cole on the bench. Woodgate and King in complete command at the back for us. It’s not quite a walk in the park. More of a brisk jog with a poodle chasing behind you. But you know it’s never gonna catch up, let alone bit you on the arse. Although at this point, I still had nightmares of the poodle ripping its way through my gut like an Alien.

And then, the sperm completes its journey and my epiphany is born. The precise moment this happens is when Zokora runs through towards goal with Cech being the only person standing in the way of folklore. And you know what happens next. And nobody can believe it even though the outcome was exactly what we all knew would play out.

But when I held my head up away from my hands, I knew that this miss would not go down in history as a testament of why we always seem to fail when it matters. What had Chelsea done in the game that would lead me to believe they could go on to win it? As a Spurs fan you’d automatically think it’s more likely to be us who give something away or make a mistake. But without anchoring myself to what I would normally expect in that oh so classic defeatist manner, I was free to see the facts.

Chelsea were fucking shit and had no hope in hell of beating us. I was enlightened.

Extra-time. Jenas, not for the first time this season floats in a perfect cross and Woodgate, the most unlikely of heroes nods the ball, which is palmed back onto Woody’s face and into the net. Silk finish, it was not. But when you’ve seen Gary Mabbut score an own goal, you don’t tend to be picky about the quality of a winning goal.

It was a strange moment in the stands, at least where I was. There was almost a delay in celebrations. Fraction of a second if that. The initial header and its journey away from Cech and into Woodgate seemed to take an age. When the ball crossed the line it was Pandemonium Part II.

Keane limped off. Kaboul trotted on. Chelsea huffed and puffed without really scaring us too much, though that’s thanks to a decent stop from Robinson.

When Zokora completed his brace and overplayed a ball to Lennon that would have surely settled it beyond doubt, there was still way too much tension in the Spurs end. Not helped by David Copperfield who plucked out 3 injury time minutes to be added onto the end of the second half of extra time.

One of the best moments of the game was TT wasting time with a throw-on (good to see Spurs are finally learning to do this when it matters) and earning a yellow-card, only for Drogba to come running onto the scene to berate TT, wasting more of the precious time Chelsea had left.

And then the final whistle and 9 sodding piss poor fruitless years come to an end, and for the sixth decade on the trot our players have winner’s medals.

And we got to laugh at Drogba’s complaining to their bitter end.

Who would have ever predicated Jonathan Woodgate scoring the winning goal in a Cup Final for Spurs? Effortlessly brilliant at the back, I pray he stays fit. Same for Ledley.

Jenas and Zokora were superb in the middle of the park. Berbatov, worked hard....in fact, apart from Chimbonda, I don’t have too many complaints.

Maybe had we beaten Bolton or Boro in the final (no disrespect to either of them) then this wouldn’t mean too much. But beating Chelsea also meant that semi-final 5-1 got its icing on the cake.

Spurs stalled under Jol. We all know it. He deserves some credit for what he achieved in building the foundations, but Ramos did something that Jol could not have possibly done. And that’s masterminding the semi-final win and then lifting of the Cup.

Ramos and Poyet have galvanised us. Take this Cup success as the first hurdle crossed in the transitional cross-country race.

The players have tasted success. They have beaten a Top 4 club. They now know they have it in them. And there’s no doubt when the euphoria settles Ramos will gently ease in the mentality that next time, it should be something bigger. Something like the FA Cup, or maybe even the UEFA Cup.

We all know a sustained 4th spot position is the Holy Grail. And we all know that’s still way off. But with the chasing pack taking turns each season, it’s always open to anyone who really gives it a hard push.

So, there I was at Wembley loving every second of it.

That included Robbie Keane’s tears and utter joy at finally winning something. Berbatov also looked like something he hasn’t quite been all season. A Tottenham player. He celebrated like someone who you wouldn’t bet your money on leaving (caught up in the moment?).

And Chimbonda made an appearance along with a Spurs fan that joined in with the celebrations. The fan had more right to be there than Pascal.

Robinson can thank Cerny’s mistake for allowing him a way back into the team. Last thing he expected a few weeks back was for him to be part of the team again.

So as the fireworks fizzled out and the players disappeared down the tunnel (to finally reappear at Faces nightclub) we left Wembley happy. Chelsea fans long gone, it was pretty much the perfect Sunday.

Cheers Juande. Piece of piss wasn’t it mate?

Twitching Tottenham get on my tits

Spurs 1 Prague 1 (3-2 win on agg.)

Well that was shit, wasn't it. The main highlight for me was the final whistle. I can gladly say with pride I was at home watching this with a cup of Earl Grey and not out in the cold N17 night being made to suffer by an inept performance that was pretty much a re-run of the first leg. Decent first half, woeful second. Apart from the game ending, the other moment to saviour involved David Pleat, for the first time in recorded history, pronouncing Chimbonda's name correctly. Only to then mispronounce it later in the game, laying to rest the chance of a special dvd release to mark the historic moment.

I'm not really sure what else to say about this game. Spurs were lethargic and clumsy. Wasteful with the ball and incapable of testing the oppositions keeper. Shimbo, out of position, along with the naivety of O'Hara allowed Prague to equalise Jamie's opening goal. Cue nervous final 40 minutes.

Yes, its Cup Final day for us on Sunday and the players most definitely had one eye on that game meaning, lack of concentration and the obvious necessity to avoid injury. But fucking hell, its Slavia Prague. Up the tempo, bully them and brush them aside. Casual football from the Lilywhites is one disease that needs eradicating out of WHL. Its a tumour that needs gutting.

Lazy performance, 4.3 out of 10.

SOS

Same Old Spurs

Prague 1 Tottenham 2

So, it’s simply a case of either playing our first team three days before a Cup final, or playing fringe players who run the risk of losing to a plucky team from Prague. The dilemma is consequence of a rather stupid second half performance. Look, basically, taking the first 45 Spur should have scored 4 or so goals. Steed left frustrated as nobody ever bothered to look to their left where he stood – on countless occasions – in space on his own with the goal in front of him.

It was easy, but that’s no excuse for losing that touch of professionalism required to put the tie of reach for the opposition. Instead we marvelled at their big-time Charlie swaggers and wasteful chances. You can’t afford to stroll. You lose the tempo and then it’s a struggle to recapture it. Which is exactly what happened in the second half.

Other worthy mentions go to the lack of true quality from the wings. I’m talking about crossing the ball in. To a white shirt. Tainio going off caused as all sorts of problems with the balance of the team. Chimbonda is a mess of a player with little discipline. TT is decent in possession. Chimbonda isn’t, in possession or otherwise.

Cerny’s blunder was bog-standard. He’s an average keeper who doesn’t really excel in any department. Anything after Robinson’s drop in form is always going to look good.

So we’ve got Prague up next and then three days of rest before we probably play a full strength Chelsea team at Wembley.

Bricking it?