Sandy signs

Transfer sagas. We do them better than anyone. During the duration of the deal that appears to have taken Sandro from Internacional to White Hart Lane (pending medical and the dreaded work permit) we've done little talking out in the open. Other than Harry's rehearsed sound-bites to questions from the media about how he thinks 'the chairman' is working away at it, we've not given much away. It's been impressive from our side. No need to be in the know until everyone is made to know.

All the hullabaloo that has kept the guessing at Richter scale 8.0 has come out of Brazil (not quite epic - that honour belongs to The Sock aka Diego who hit around 10.0) with the deal - on the surface - yo-yo'ing from collapse to maybe from one week to the next. I even got distracted with suggestions that Real Madrid were sniffing around, which is believable considering the noise made was loud enough to attract their limitless pot of money and acquisition greed. That and someone saw some documents, but let's not talk about that.

As per usual we all take every written word as variants of gospel. Sort of. Not always believing it to be factual but still deeming it worth of commentary and making assumptions based on the half-truths (gospel) in the aftermath.

Politics, deflection, mis-quotes, lies, guesswork…whatever you want to tag them as, you never quite knew how far-gone the progress of signing this young rough diamond midfield player was because of all the hype. I'm sure a representative from Internacional (or was it their chairman, I forget?) suggested that the clubs partnership (to loan players to us) was not even finalised. There was always a lopsided viewpoint which for the rest of us translated as: This is a difficult transfer. Even the player got involved and in the end the clue was in the statement about learning English in preparation for a possible move. The words 'done' and 'dusted' finally whispered quietly for the first time.

All very colourful and erratic. Which is what you come to expect from the boys from Brazil. Regardless of how we've got here. We are here. And if you strip away all the message board discussions and red top twist and turns, you might find yourself believing that this deal wasn't as tricky as it looked.

We showed interested. We signed him. Months later, but still, signed.

73 appearances for his club. Three goals. And one full international cap (and has captained the Brazilian U-20 side). I've not seen enough of him to form a true opinion. I'm sure most of you are in the same boat, and tbh, when it comes to players from abroad there is always a risk element, mostly around adapting to the culture and EPL. And the types of Brazilians who travel over here are never the sexy types. But then we don't want that. What we need is more steel.

So, who is Sandro?

He's young. He's athletic, very strong but perhaps not the best passer - so they say. We wanted an understudy for Palacios - we've got one. Uncanny. And to bring in a player of this ilk means that he must have some potential because we're going to have to be patient (look up the word in a dictionary) for him to bed in. Unless his mental strength and confidence is such, that he will be happy to be thrown into the deep end and come to terms with English football quickly.

Does give us options in the middle now, and quite possibly spells the end of Jenas. Yes - JJ is a different type of player (not sure what type he is - I'll let you know the day he reaches his potential) but with Huddlestone, Palacios, Modric and now Sandro - we have enough in the middle to swagger it up even more than usual. New cult hero in our ranks?

/prays

The more cynical amongst us might think this deal is part of the relationship we have with Internacional and them loaning youth players to us in preparation for any potential move they make to Europe. Is this a sweetener? A long term deal? Does the player see the next five years of his career at Spurs? Does his former club get any % of any future transfer?

The even more cynical amongst us would go one further and question why the likes of Kleberson, Denilson and Lucas are supposedly ahead of him in the defensive midfield pecking order for his country.

Where's that dictionary?

Talking of cult heroes check out Spurs' Cult Heroes - the first published book from All Action No Plot blogger and writer Michael Lacquiere. I'll give it a proper review when I get my copy delivered. Be sure to check it out anyway, available from the Spurs official site, WHSmith, Amazon, Tesco, Waterstones and Play…to name a few. Shop around.

Blanchflower, Mackay, Jones, Chivers, Gilzean, Jennings, Hoddle, Perryman, Greaves, Mabbut, Ginola, Nicholson, Gazza…list is endless. Well, it's not exactly endless because he'd never have been able to get the book out, but its jam-packed with legends.

Will be giving away a copy soon. Stay tuned.

Fulham v Spurs - It's Actually Massive

by guest blogger Chrisman

I’m going to lay it on the line here – The F.A. Cup QF against Fulham will be a cracker. It might not have loads of goals, and we might not get either of the results that we want, but it will be good. It will be a rarity – a game between two PL teams desperately wanting to win. And two teams quite reasonably believing they can win.

Roy Hodgson is a manager that I love listening to. He is almost the polar opposite of Harry in his handling of the media. Hodgson will openly, and often quite savagely ridicule the interviewer and his questions. ‘Roy, surely this is a must win game?’ he will be asked. His reply will be something along the lines of ‘Well, what happens if we don’t win? Does the season end? Will Fulham FC automatically self-destruct? Of course we want to win, but no, it’s not a must win’. You can tell he absolutely hates the cliché driven style of football in the British media, and he won’t even play lip service to it. Harry, on the other hand, revels in it.

Both men are actually very similar. The difference in their personas is directly due to the fact that Hodgson has spent the best part of 30 years in management outside England. To a total foreigner coming here, the way the ‘media circus’ exists will be a source of amusement, bafflement and eventual indifference. But because Hodgson is English, and he understands it a bit more, he’s visibly disgusted by it. He doesn’t even make an effort to conceal his total contempt for it. Old Harry, however, doesn’t have that luxury. He has had to play the game over the last 20 years, and he’s played it pretty well. He is so well versed in cliché speak that it’s actually very difficult to tell what he is thinking, about anything, ever. But one thing is certain, and it’s one thing that Harry’s cliché speak and Hodgson’s cynicism cannot overpower – The F.A Cup is a trophy both of these men are still desperate to win.

There won’t be any resting players, no saving it for the league – with 3 of the traditional big 4 already out, this is probably the best chance either team has had of winning the trophy for quite a while. It’s the business end of the tournament, and it’s 2 men at the business end of their careers. Expect both teams to give everything on behalf of the managers and fans.

Pavlyuchenko remains the key man for Spurs. If he plays as well as he has done, we have a great chance. With Defoe probably out, you feel Pav has to score if we are to get a result. And with Huddlestone out, a huge amount of responsibility falls on Modric, and to a lesser extent Kranjcar. Playing against a Fulham midfield that is likely to include Murphy, Gera, Davies and maybe Greening could be a blessing. They have a lot of ball players and not a lot of horsepower in their midfield, which should suit us if we are to play Modric in the middle. Conversely, the battering ram approach of Zamora should suit Dawson’s style. Gomes is going to have to have another good game if we are going to get a result. More of his heroics from the league visit to Craven Cottage are pretty essential.

It’s also to be expected that Smalling and Hangeland won’t have too much trouble dealing with a ‘direct’ approach. What we need is Pav coming deep and linking up with Modric and Kranjcar. If the 3 of them hit it off, we could, against all odds, win the game. If we were to do that, without Defoe and Huddlestone in the team, I think that will give the lads a pretty significant confidence boost for the rest of the season. What’s more likely is a hard fought score draw, then back to the lane for another classic night of mayhem.

Excitement building already. With the battle for the top 4 taking all our attention, this has almost approach unnoticed. But it’s here, an F.A. Cup Quarter Final, and a London Derby to boot. Sexual Chocolate.

The Prodigal Son

by guest blogger Chrisman.

Football came easy for you, didn’t it? Ever since you went on loan to Bournemouth, you’ve been scoring goals. Good quality goals. And you’ve been making it look pretty easy. Since you were 18 years old, you’ve had the technical ability to control and strike the ball that 95% of professionals would kill for.

So I suppose it’s not really any sort of surprise that you completely take those skills for granted. I suppose it’s not surprising that, given your immense level of natural ability, you steadfastly refuse to listen to any type of coaching or advice. I suppose it’s even less surprising that you don’t listen to coaching, since the man who initially blew so much smoke up your ass and told you how brilliant you were is the man who has paradoxically been trying to ‘coach’ you for most of your career.

What you don’t have, Jermain, is the desire to make yourself better than the sum of your skills. Ian Wright, an abhorrent man though he is, had that desire. So did Lineker. It’s scary to think of what those 2 players could have achieved if they had Defoe’s talent (ok it’s not scary – they’re Klinsmann or Batistuta). Defoe, however, has neither the desire nor strength of character to achieve his full potential. He wants to do everything on his own terms, without having to really sweat, really grind it out, really put his body and mind on the line. His general attitude to adversity is extremely poor, and he seems like one of the players you would least want on your side when things aren’t going well.

It’s another example of Harry Redknapp’s in-fighting with himself. He told Jermain to play his natural game. Play to his strengths. Sit on the last shoulder. Wait for the scraps to fall for him. Score goals. Because that’s the most important thing for a striker. Scoring. As long as you are scoring, what more can someone ask…..right? Wrong. I’ve heard Harry say it a few times over the last few weeks….Jermain needs to add more to his game. He needs to work more, link up with the midfield and his strike partner more. Do more running. Use more movement between defence and midfield. Do you think Harry was saying this to Jermain when they were at Pompey, or even West Ham? No, because back then, scoring goals was enough.

But with the move up in teams comes the move up in expectations. Jermain has been here before, and for whatever reason (certainly not lack of talent) he couldn’t cut it. Actually the reason was pretty obvious – Berbatov thought Defoe was a footballing simpleton, and made it very clear that he wasn’t going to waste his time going through strike partnership 101 with him. I’m fairly certain we are approaching some sort of groundhog day with Pav taking the Berba role. Defoe might not be learning, but old Harry will not be as ignorant. Not now he has seen with his own eyes what we all saw 3 years ago.

It’s probably come as much of a shock to Harry as to anyone else that despite scoring 25 odd goals, something is clearly missing from Defoe’s game. I think it’s been a massive mind-mangler for Harry - he spent nearly £40 million on strikers, and the most talented all round player we have in that department is apparently the one who was already there. And also the one that Harry rated the least. Harry may well be stubborn and old fashioned, but he is also smart, and has a wonderful instinct for self preservation. This means that he tends to correct his errors sooner rather than later, and I give him immense credit for swallowing his pride on this and no small amount of other issues in the last year or so. It’s like everything he knew and learnt in his last 20 or so years of management has to be thrown out of the window. Flushed down the toilet. And the really sad thing is that along with those footballing ‘truths’ that Harry has to discard, there are players too. Poor Defoe (and maybe Crouchie) will soon be bogflushed like so much bumwad. This brings me on to…

…if anyone ever needed an example of how scoring goals is not the be all and end all for a striker, look no further than Ruud Van Nistelrooy. Arguably the best all round finisher you are ever likely to see, but Ferguson knew Man Utd weren’t going to win the league again with him in the team. Ferguson was able to make the brutal decision to jettison the club’s top scorer. Almost literally, he had to send the old horse to the glue factory. You can almost hear him now, neighing ‘but boss, I’ve scored 20-plus league goals in ever season, I’ve scored shedloads in the Champs League…what more can I do?’ Ferguson won’t answer, because he knows ol’ Boxer won’t understand. He doesn’t understand the complexities of the issue. He’s not programmed to think, or to understand. Just score. 

Jermain is a player who can be a joy to watch. But more often than not he’s sullen, petulant, lazy and selfish. He is the classic spoilt child, told by his mentor that he is wonderful and beyond reproach. It’s going to be quite a shock to the system to see lanky misfits A and B usurp him in the pecking order for Spurs and England. Can he comprehend what is happening? Does he have the mental strength to do something about it? History suggests that the answer to both questions is no. And to be perfectly honest, I doubt very much whether Defoe cares. It’s going to be his way, or not at all.

All hail the Roman emperor!

Okay, it's getting ridiculous now. At the final whistle, the surrounding area of White Hart Lane resembled Woodstock circa 1969. Grown men hugging and kissing, declaration of (man) love (for a certain Russian teddy bear) and plenty of skipping naked up the High Road singing and weeping tears of joy. And crying too. Rainbows lit up the dark night sky and the singing continued well into the early hours of Thursday.

Yes. Roman Pavlyuchenko is better than sliced bread. His goal celebration was one of absolute unbridled happiness, laying on the ground whilst one team-mate after another mounted him (ooh err), his legs up in the air shaking uncontrollably. It was yet another release of pent up frustration, following on from his brace away to Wigan. He probably never thought he'd be playing a part and now suddenly he's the darling of the Lane. The purest of our goal-scorers, slotting/passing the ball into the net rather than lashing it towards goal.

His first was coolly taken. His second (after two Bolton own goals) was made to seem as easy as they come, with all the time in the world to pick a spot and beat the keeper. There's a bug going around at the moment which has apparently hit several of our players (Defoe, Palacios, Bentley, Corluka). Jenas is locked in my basement where he will remain for the foreseeable future. Not sure if Crouch is injured or struggling with illness but I'm certain he'll have a headache looking on as Roman has more or less cemented his place for the Everton clash. No bug with this lad. Just a buzz.

Harry was his usual deflective self post-match. Dropping in a comment about how Pav is a good lad, nice lad, can't speak a word of English. Beautifully navigated there Harry. He could have sold him ya know, could of but didn't. Quality man-management right there. Makes you wonder at what level the Russian would be had he played a part from the start of the season, but hindsight and theorising aside, the fact is - he's in form NOW and that's fine by me. Long may he continue to prove me wrong and the other doubters. Whether it's enough for him to want to stay, we'll see soon enough. He's increasing his potential value for a move away if that's what Harry ends up wanting, because Peter Plan B great control for a someone so tall Crouch is the perfect foil for young Defoe. Harry knows best.

As for the game, thank you to Bolton for not turning up. They hardly had any true sustained pressure with their mish-mash line-up in that oh so typical 'the league is more important for us' guise they were wearing. Although there were moments when we sat back (lackadaisically is what the BBC called it - pretty much perfect description) we were more than comfortable in possession and never really tested to the point where nails were bitten. It was easy. Never vintage, but not boring either. Pav giving us the deserved lead, one own goal to settle the nerves further and at the birth of the second half, another to kill the game off. Pav's second (from a Danny Rose inch perfect pass…yeah, you heard me, a pass!) was an unnecessary footnote on the game other than for Roman to gleefully continue to smile and punch the air as his renaissance continues.

Massive test for him and the rest of the side when we play the Toffeemen in what is going to be a vital 6 pointer clash. As for the FA Cup, Fulham away next. We don't like playing them there mainly because we don't tend to win when visiting their quaint ground. Better memories in the Cup though. More of the same again. Won't be easy, end to end no doubt. Will be happy to bring them back to the Lane in yet another replay. The hard way is better than no way.

COYS.

Wigan 0 Spurs 3: From Russia with a smile

It was no majestic execution of total football so don't expect a club dvd release of our 3-0 away day win in the marsh lands of Wigan. However, don't be dismissing the performance completley out of hand. Take some pride from the professional taking of three points, even if it took a couple of cameos to conslidate the victory.

That Harry sure knows how to make subsititions, hey?

Okay, so for long periods of the match there wasn't too much going on and even the goal scored by Defoe to stick us 1-0 up was blatantly offside, even if the build up play (Niko and Bale involved) was deserving of a more pure finish. Many thanks to the assistant referee and his reluctance to lift his flag for that piece of good fortune. If he had eyes we'd be all busy slating JD for getting a light year ahead of the last defender before the ball was crossed.

What we got out of this incident was the lead in a game we were comfortable in, which was great because we weren't exactly having many shots on goal. I'm not about to drum up the olde 'cutting edge and lack of' discussion because the pitch was a travesty. It's hard enough for us to create chances on a decent one so no shocker we muddled through this. We mixed it up a little, tried to pass it around and had Crouch as the option if we required a long punt forwards with accompanying knock-down 3 feet away from the feet of Defoe.

Game for me changed when Modric came on.

At the start of the afternoon I found myself nodding in agreement that the lickle Croatian was on the bench. Wasn't just about the state of the pitch either. He's been a little off-key so allowing him to come on and make an impact if need be suited me just fine. Because you could see early on it was going to be one of those games we'd have to bide our time with.

Ref was inconsistent, Defoe lucky (not just with the goal but with one or two tackles and a card - thankfully just yellow). It was fragmented and untidy. King leaving the pitch just after 50 minutes was no shocker. Surprised he was risked in this game considering (no offence) that Wigan are not exactly going to pose the type of threat Everton will this weekend. We could have easily gone missing, but thanks to Wigan's reluctance to play long balls it was a game where both sides tried - as much as possible - to play football. And as for the physicality, Wilson handled it along with the rest of our players. There was no pushing powder-puff Tottenham off the ball in this game (Wigan simply not strong enough to do so).

We had the best of it in the first half, went a bit quiet and then in came Modric (for Niko) and we looked good for a second goal. Because we all know we can't rest unless we get a second.

Crouch should have scored. He didn't. Failed to lift it over the keeper. Modric unlucky with his shot coming off the post and into Kirkland's hands. When Pav entered the field of play I had a gut feeling he would get onto the score-sheet.

Scoring twice was a bit lovely considering how he's not even meant to be in a Spurs shirt. Took his first goal with ease (Modric at the heart of it, threading the ball through to him after a determined run) and then his second (from a free-kick) coming after a save from his initial header, casually slotted in through a tight gap, again with ease and a smile.

It was almost like Roman was mucking about in the playground with his mates during lunch break. Compare his efforts to the over zealous efforts witnessed in recent games. Pav was cool and calm, a refreshing alternative that we've almost forgotten about devoid of any misplaced urgency or lack of confidence. I like this Pav, much more than the one that moans in the papers, but then you can understand why he moans when he's never played. Harry, bless him, scratching the back of his neck and shifting uncomfortably couldn't quite muster up a heartily pat on the back for the Russian. You'd have noticed his comment post-match was underlined with the suggestion that Pav is a good player when he can be bothered. Yes, Harry gave him a chance because he trained well (for once). Unlike all those other times when he didn't.

"He's fantastic, trffic, quality player, top class, blah blah"

Yes, yes, if you believed any of that he'd have played a ton more games than he has. If Pav is not training well then it's probably because he's a tad disillusioned. Stick him up front against Bolton and let's see if he can do the business again. Leave the favouritism alone for once. Suck it up and just give us what we want.

Yeah, I know, I've written off Pav plenty of times in the past. Let's face it, his first season was a mess and he'd not had a chance since. Most Spurs fans would agree, so call me a soppy romantic but my heart melted for the lad when he celebrated and more so when seeing the united front all his team-mates put up for him during and after the game. He's well liked. Which is a great achievement for someone who can't speak English.

So in the end we didn't suffer the usual indignity of a last minute equaliser thanks to the magic of Modic who glided around the mud pitch like a skater on ice and Roman's clinical finishing.

We dug deep, got lucky with an offside, still pretty much dominated the game and did our goal difference a world of good along with pushing ourselves up from 7th into 4th. Again.

Happy days.

'Bring me the head of Harry Redknapp'

Are people really calling for the head of Harry Redknapp to be served up on a plate with side salad and chips?

Apparently so. There was an article over at Football 365 that cited Guus Hiddink as a replacement (irony of Hiddink and his prior tax issues not lost on me). Are we doing it again? We're a point off 4th not struggling in the bottom three. Harry hasn't even had a full season in charge of the team yet. I know there were reasons for not wanting him in the first place, many to do with his general persona, self-centred priorities, West Ham connections, the fact he would probably up and leave if someone 'bigger' came in for him. And there are questions over his lack of tactical cutting edge to truly make battle with the Prem's disjointed elite. However - arguably - this is the first time he's been at a club of this type of stature. So perhaps he has a learning curve to get through before things even out for him. If he fails to prove he can manipulate the outcome of games with clever switches and substitutions - then the only person who will matter is Levy because he'll have to look at bringing in someone who aspires for absolute perfection (love to know where we can pick one up from).

Let's face it, if this current run of form is considered a 'crisis' then bloody hell, I wouldn't shrug at a couple of these a season if this is as bad as it gets. Think back not too long ago and compare.

Yep. Exactly. Not so depressing now is it?

I know that if we want a team that can seriously compete, then we need a winners mentality - one that is not drowned in self-pity and excuses. So I understand that accepting this current lull is not the way forward - but let's face it. We just don't have the right balance of players. Far too many apologetic personalities who seem to switch off far too easily. Too many remnants of the Tottenham disease remain dormant within the club. The comfort culture has yet to be eradicated.

I do agree there is plenty to suggest Redknapp is not the man with the tools to exterminate every last infestation. But his early work at Spurs is evidence enough that he can inspire and muster up spirit and pride.

Things are not quite right at the minute but they're a long way off from being disastrous, and with 12 games left and 3 additional more required for a potential Wembley trip - we can't frown and start throwing our season tickets at the directors box just yet (I'll give word for when to do so).

There is no room for another sideways step. Consistency and avoidance of another transitional season is of the utmost importance. Otherwise, what's the point? Knee-jerking at the first sign of trouble is truly the most gutless of solutions and will simply set us back, again.

Maybe fans need a fix every couple of seasons. People find it easier to cope with disappointment when there is a brand new start made, one that begins with a new face at the helm. Patience is not a valuable commodity in modern day football and cutting our losses and re-booting seems to get everyone up for yet another journey/adventure. Like a tap of a vein and the roll back of eyes, we get high off it.

Stability is holding the hand of patience, lost and without a compass. I personally think Harry can bring that stability to the club

If Harry doesn't quite make things work (this season or next or because of matters of a non-footballing nature) the issue at hand will be altogether a completely different type of beast. Considering we'd have tried everything (ex-legends, continental, back to basics - to name a few) the only remaining option would be Jack the Ripper. Someone to expertly rip out the guts. Last thing we need is someone who appeases the current batch. I'd love to see a manager at Spurs, in his first press conference, sit down and state 'this was a big club, it isn't anymore' rather than talk us up and quote the Glory days and how we deserve to be successful.

Can we start to write history than simply quote it all the time? I continue to live in hope.

There are many other clubs that aspire to break up the monopoly. They’ve probably not spent as much money as we have. But the fact remains - Rome wasn't built in a day. And it’s a sad fact, breaking the top 4 is not an easy task. As long as were knocking on its door then we're doing something right. Putting our foot through it is the next step forwards. Whether it's Harry's…we'll have to wait and see.

It seems when we were doing very well everyone was happy to support him and shout that he could possibly lead us to the Holy Grail. If Harry was simply a quick-fix interim who saved us from relegation, then let's just play out the season first before we pass further judgement. Support him and our fragmented team until the very end.

It's not over yet. The moment it is, I'll let you know. I'll be selling Redknapp effigies outside the ground for you to string up to your hearts content.

Al Capone charged

Seriously. 40k? Revenue and customs must be well chuffed with this. Years of hard work and chasing and this is the best they can do? Obviously, no doubting, this will de-rail our season and we'll be fighting at the bottom cometh May with Paul Hart drafted in from QPR to aid save us whilst Facebook goes into meltdown with the re-launch of the Tottenham Relegation Party group.

I've even had to put the champagne aside and delay my celebrations after hearing about Liverpool's injury woes.

So, good luck to jobsworths out to make an example. As for Harry...he'll have to twitch his way out of it and hope the judge isn't a West Ham fan. If he's found guilty...off we go into another transitional season.

The club DVD will unmissable.

Keane's Sixteen - "Are You In Or Out?"

So according to The Sun (via 606 and rehashed on various blogs before the lazy red top hacks decided to latch onto anything anti-Spurs post-City thrashing) sixteen first team players have 'heaped shame on the club' by having a secret party in Dublin behind the back of Harry.

Tabloid gold,  jumping all over this because Harry 'cancelled' Xmas stating there would be no festive party for the players as football and football only would take priority. The Dublin trip happened prior to that statement. A golfing trip (that Redknapp was aware of) that was actually spent in a bar and nightclub thanks to party organiser Robbie Keane who took £2000 a piece to fix things up. Maybe that's why he stood by the tunnel shaking the hands of the players as they run out for the second half. A sort of guard of honour moment for Keane's Keyser Söze bluff with the usual suspects guilty of leaving Spurs shamed, so shamed, so very very shamed.

< tumble-weed >

Visit The Sun's website to see the photos. Yes, there are photos on The Suns website. That's the photos of the bar and club. Taken at some random point in time during the day. There's also a photo of a private jet flying through the sky. Not the actual private jet used by some of the players but a good likeness for it. It's damning evidence.

If the players trained brilliantly the day later, then if the 16 did go out on the lash (if anyone in Dublin has mobile pics of the players or perhaps the Dublin newspapers covered the story and the paparazzi took snaps of drunken dentist chair action - then feel free to link/share) they didn't appear to show it the next day in training. And losing 1-0 to Wolves had more to do with football than hangovers.

If you want to be all Mulder about it and claim that players did get smashed out their heads and the matter was dealt with behind closed doors (hence Harry's 'no Xmas party' statement 48 hours after Dublin) then that's fine. It's all been confirmed by a Spurs insider, so its practically fact. And if the club punished players, then we'd have heard something about it no doubt.

So in conclusion, it sounds like they went to Ireland, played some golf (or didn't) and then went to a bar and a club before travelling back in time for training the next morning and showing no sign of drink fatigue.

It was apparently a 'audacious plot planned with military precision'. What was? Travelling to Dublin for a couple of drinks and then travelling back home again? Ooh. That must have taken some serious blue-printing to get it organised. Keane's 16. It's a little bit like Oceans but with no casino. No females either. Gio and Bale didn't travel, apparently preferring to stay home and wash their hair.

Additional footnote; the story remained on ice until after Spurs beat City.

GTFI.

Next...

Happy Harry Anniversary

12 months of Harry Redknapp at Tottenham this weekend.

Two points from eight games,
Two points from eight gaaaaaaaames,
When Harry took over,
We had two points from eight games.

Read 'em (stats below) and weep non-believers. Spurs have the R-Factor and 'arry has proven the doubters wrong and even managing to appease the free-flowing purists. We play football. We play with players in their correct positions. Square pegs in square holes. Nothing overly complicated. No need for head-scratching. And the fans actually believe in the team. It's not perfect, not yet. But it's better than what came before it by several country miles. The stats:

League games P38 W19 D8 L11 F59 A45 Pts 65
Others games P14 W8 D 3 L3 F34 A17

Joyful reading.

We've been on the up since he arrived. He turned a squad of misfits into a unit that work hard for each other. Got the simple things right, driving forward consistency and pride. Yeah sure, we all know there are still questions to be answered and the squad still lacks depth in certain areas - but considering what he's done with the current set of players - any additional ones will only make us stronger.

Happy days.

So, what's remaining on the fix-list?

The '4th' striker issue

Pav is sitting in the abyss at the moment. If sold, then its time we either promote one of our young lads from their loan or we buy a new striker (nothing more than £5M-£7M) who has the potential and patience to break into the first team.

Cover for Wilson Palacios

It's still a massive problem for me this. If he gets injured we don't have anyone to slot into his place. Jamie O'Hara will be back with us in January if you believe what you read and there's also the possibility of the Brazilian Sandro signing for us - although I'm uncertain how much of a midfield enforcer he actually is. We need cover here. A young understudy or possibly, if Harry really wants to mix it up, an alternative. Anyone know any players with the qualities of Carrick? Apart from Carrick himself.

Heart of the Defence

Ledders will only ever play one-game-per-week. Woodgate is still lost on the sidelines (does the club have a comeback date for him?) which means Bassong and Dawson are the only two remaining central-defenders with Huddlestone as cover. It's not ideal, and its all a bit fragmented. Is Troy ready (or good enough) for a promotion? Or do we look for another CB in the Championship that might be able to grow in stature at our little Prem club? We need to eliminate the potential for ready-made excuses here. Lose Bassong - without King and Woody - and I wont be getting much sleep.

David Bentley

Will he ever manage to make it beyond 20 Prem league appearances for us? He isn't even making much noise about the fact that any remote chance for an England place has evaporated into non-existence and his lack of league games is almost certainly the final nail in the coffin. Not that he ever really had a chance anyway, but as a player, you always think (and hope) you do. At least you should do. Either he's given up or he knows he is on his way in the new year. I guess he has no control over his destiny at the moment as he can't actually play football to prove to himself and Harry that he can offer us something. Sadly, Bentley can only play on the RW. He's not component enough to play in the middle or anywhere else. Either way, something has to give on this. It's embarrassing and frustrating for all concerned.

There's more (feel free to suggest) but I think many of the other fixes come with natural progression (like bossing teams when we go 1-0). The goalkeeper conundrum needs sorting, which can be resolved by playing Gomes, IMO. Set-pieces have been forever in a state of flux and hopefully these will improve. And of course, every season is the season we await for Jermaine Jenas to finally come of age and discover self-belief and confidence. Sigh.

Anyways, thanks Harry for a more than decent 12 months at the helm.

COYS.

'Get him to wear one of those George Best tight-fitted pink jumpers'

It's Monday and I'm already bored of this week. Once more, the break for Internationals manages to completely kill my buzz. I streamed the England game and managed to miss the penalty (Shev too) and the moment of genius defending from Rio followed by the Green red card. I did see their goal and hardly much of anything else. Juices not flowing much for this one.

The time I have spent on-line has varied from catching up with latest Studs-Up comics (blatant plug) and refreshing News Now every 10 seconds (even though it auto-refreshes all by itself) to see if there was anything worthy to write about. Guess what? Nothing. Not a thing. However today there seems to be one or two new items out there that are being discussed on various websites. I'll save you the bother of having to churn your way through them with this lazy lazy round-up. Hopefully by Wednesday we'll have another bookie hysteria episode with Harry 'set to be sacked' to break up the week and help gently guide us through to Friday where we can then start looking forward to the Pompey game.

Here's the round-up.


Redknapp to have ex-SAS as private guards for the Pompey game

Yeah, because he's going to really really need a crack unit of hardened experienced ex-squaddies to make sure all those rude words don't hurt his delicate little ears. I'm hoping this is simply a cover-story to distract us from the real reason they will be accompanying our coach. Operation: Destroy that annoying melter with the cow-bell.

Swap Deal Exclusive - Pav for Huntelaar

We all know our Roman (via his agent, Hiddink and the press) is once more looking to make a move out of N17 and out of England completely. And with Huntelaar failing to score in around 8 or so games for AC Milan and the fact that the tabloids had as linked with him through-out the summer, the blatantly obvious conclusion would be to add one and one. In this case, it equals a swap deal that both clubs would be happy to agree. Pav, who has shown no reason to be a player worthy of a AC Milan shirt will be happy to risk yet another bedding in period on the bench with KJH leaving Serie A to basically stand (sit) behind Crouch, Defoe and Keane at the mighty Tottenham Hotspur. Nailed on this one. Absolutely nailed on. Honestly, do the math. As a sweetener we should throw in Gareth Bale. Because we don't need any left-sided cover. Cue Downing bid. So what if he just joined Villa. So what if he's still injured. £15M will make it happen.

David James

International break over and a few days off before all the pre-match talk erupts for the weekend games, it's a perfect opportunity for more transfer musical chairs. Let's be logical about this. It's October. Two months and a couple of weeks and the transfer window re-opens, so its only right that David James is linked to us every 2-3 weeks. He got to play on Saturday and obviously every player in contention lusts for a place on the World Cup plane to South Africa which means a cameo here or there isn't enough and playing for Pompey is not exactly the best way to grab Fabio's attention. CC is currently doing a below average job between the sticks for us and Gomes, well, he's not quite 100%. I think. So that means we need a brand new goalkeeper. And not just any old cheap cover. And the fact James plays for one of our feeder clubs, its another unquestionable formula for success. Right? Of course it is. Sign James and when Gomes is fit then we have two players who will want to be number one, which will no doubt result in the Brazilian wanting to move on to pastures new.

Now I know some might argue that James could actually be nothing more than a replacement for CC and that Gomes is likely to be a longer-term number one. But why even bother with it? CC isn't great, but he's 'ok' until The Octopus is fit and ready for a full return to action. Invest in a young goalkeeper who could actually break into the side in the future.

Now if you find yourself bored of reading the James linkage as much as I do, then get ready for the twist. Apparently we have been 'thwarted' after a shock £3M bid for Paul Robinson.

Riiiiiiight.

We failed to attract Robbo back to the lane? Obviously the trial of sweets, chocs and other assortments of cup-cakes and ice-cream failed to lure the former 'England's Number One' back to his destiny as the Park Lanes favourite son.

£3M? Honestly? Thwarted? Really? Did Blackburn get Gandalf in to stamp his staff and shout 'You shall not pass' at us?

van Nistelrooy

Linked to us again. If anyone out there is handy at coding, please get in touch if you can think of a way to develop some type of attachment that would allow me to slap football journos in the face via email. I'm not talking about one of those girlie glove style gauntlet slaps. More two steps back and gritted teeth types of slap - right across the face.

dos Santos

Back from injury and wanting to once more prove himself. I say it's time for a fail-safe. Mini-bar at every corner of the ground and free-drinks if he manages to get a shot on target. Or get him to wear one of those George Best tight-fitted pink jumpers so he stands out more and people actually notice him. Because falling out of nightclubs is blatantly not working. Or perhaps send him back to Ipswich. He was good there. In the Championship. We hear about his attempted comebacks every few months, as often in fact as another International wonder-goal from Adel 'we should build our team around him' Taarabt. He's at Q.P.R. currently. In the Championship.


And that's the news that was. Some if it still is. And most of it will be back next month for the sixth time. Possibly seventh. Who's counting?

Calm down

I can't even be bothered, but just to ease the amount of e-mails I'm currently getting, just read this and then go take a bubble bath:

Reckon this is a betting story more than a football story. Here's the likely chain of events.

1) Someone with a bit of cash hears a rumour suggesting Harry could be on the way out. Doesn't have to be anything too reliable, just enough to make him the guy think that it's worth taking a punt at 50/1. So let's say a couple of grand are put on with a bookie at 50/1. That's a £100,000 liability that's just appeared on their book.

2) Bookmaker readjusts the market so that it balances their liabilities, odds on Harry leaving come down. As he's at such high odds, say to 40/1 or 25/1.

3) Someone else hears the rumour, looks at the odds and sees they've been cut. Thinks "the bookie must know something I don't know..." and piles in on Harry as well.

Repeat 2 and 3.

Odds keep going down, money keeps going on. It's a symptom of the way that people still think of bookmakers as being driven purely by knowledge of what's happening with events, rather than as financial traders (of a sort). Each bookmaker will be looking to balance their risk on a particular market, and so the odds move as money comes in (which is why you hear about horses being backed in to 3/1 or whatever).

There's a good explanation of how this all works here.

With thanks to MattWPBS over at GG (hope he doesn't mind the copy and paste. I'm sure he doesn't).

There's a supermarket within walking distance if I need to pick up some eggs later on this evening.

The Strike-Force

The world is forever changing. And with it, so do the Astonishing S-Men.

Welcome to the next chapter.

With the Levy Institute for Mediocre Learning set to be re-built along with a new School for the Ungifted, the worldwide headquarters of the S-Corporation based in N17 is embracing a brave new world. White with streaks of yellow the uniform colours synonymous with the North London evolution in their continued battle with the Pundits and Keyboard Warriors, along with the ever present Sky Sports Four. There are enemies to be seen in every direction. These are troubled times. A time in need for heroes.

To make sure the competitive nature always remains at a high unparalleled level, a new special team has been put together to hurt the opposition and aid the progression of Professor L's Lilywhite agenda.


This is the S-Men. This is S-Men: Strike-Force.


Mr Triffic

Species: Manager.
Notable aliases: Houdini, The Twitch, The Escapist.
Team responsibility: Team leader and father figure. It's his role to select the attack formations and guide his men to victory. And hug. Plenty of arms around shoulders and tight tight hugging.
Abilities: The overseer of curricula and academic aspects, teaching the science of football and the complex mathematics of passing the ball from one white shirt to another, using simple physic techniques with Hex commands, i.e. 'run around a lot and kick it in the net'. Capable of reality warping, manifested as probability alteration. Can alter reality with the words “Down to barebones” and "Two points, eight games" that results with an exceptional level of commitment and effort from his team.
Other strengths: Can summon back departed S-Men who have lost their way in the wilderness. Is also able to teleport from one location to the next in a blink of an eye.
Footnote: It's said that his one weakness is The Brown Kryptonite, but there is no evidence to suggest of its existence and it's ability to corrupt him.
Quote: "You wouldn't hit a man with a twitch would you?"


The Jig

Species: Forward.
Notable aliases: The Windmill, Cartwheel, Shouty Pointy Man.
Team responsibility: The commanding officer of the Strike-Force. Deep cover agent, incognito, with the uncanny ability to dis-balance the oppositions defensive game-plan with subtle flicks and movements, leaving them in a dizzying state of fear.
Main abilities: Is able to transcend through space and time, allowing his essence to exist momentarily five seconds ahead of everyone else meaning he can drift and run into space that isn't yet available in the present. This may appear to leave his fellow S-Men in a state of confusion as they can't quite figure out where he is until he returns to the 'present'. The journey back is not deemed to be an easy one with the subsequent pain resulting with indistinguishable screams and flapping of arms. But his influence, invisible to the untrained eye, remains indisputable and without challenge.
Other strengths: Lighting fast arm reflexes with possible hypnotic undertones when waved around at high velocity speeds.
Footnote: In one of his darkest moments, having been brainwashed by the evil mastermind, The Waiter, The Jig's powers were practically decimated during his imprisonment, where he was tortured and humiliated week in week out by his sadistic keeper. Some say, since his return to Professor L's Institute, he has been irreversibly damaged by this damning experience leaving many to question why he is given the responsibility to lead the team.
Quote: "You wanna play with The Jig? Here, pick a pass!"


Defcon

Species: Striker.
Notable aliases: The Black Greaves, Flash, Pocket Dynamite, The Sex.
Team responsibility: The main outlet for decisive single-minded attacks. Only needs a second to render the opposition null and void with devastating strikes of power. Blink and you'll miss him - and then you'll regret it.
Main abilities: Is said to have been born with the chaos gene that allows him to run ragged any opposing defensive line placed in his path in the field of battle. Explosive burst of pace, power in feet, strength and determination - considered to be the poster-boy of the Strike-Force. There are whispers he is the illegitimate son of Mr Triffic, but the bloodline remains unproven.
Other strengths: Insatiable, lust magnet that has the women falling at his feet. Some say his skills in the bedroom are just as explosive as the fireworks he produces during missions. A trail of devestated women would suggest this to be the case.
Footnote: Is known to produce erratic displays when faced with his old time nemesis, The Offside Trap, who possesses the power to drag him back away from an attacking position, leaving him frustrated and ineffective.
Quote: "Here I am in your personal space so go ahead and open up"


The Interpreter

Species: Russian to English interpreter.
Notable aliases: The Man on the Touch-line.
Team Responsibility: He is best known as the Safekeeper of the Russian Ghost, better known to most as 'The Guardian of the Pavlyuchenko' - which is a mystic supernatural force descended from Russia. The 'Pav' has to be called upon using a secret calling, but can only appear for short periods of time. It's up to the Interpreter to make sure his transition into this world and subsequently into Strike-Force duty is one without difficulties.
Main abilities: The Interpreter is the only known person who is able to communicate with The Pav and is able to provide direct instructions to him, based on Mr Triffic's requirements.
Other strengths: The Pav himself is a mysterious entity, one that can be vital in situations that warrant desperate measures. But because of the fragile nature of his existence it's also deemed to be a risk to summon his presence in the midst of battle as its impossible to predict the impact he will have. The Pav is isolated and alone most times and has a somewhat apologetic nature as he struggles to adapt to this world, preferring the comfort of his true home, but at times does show glimpses of what he could do if he was permanently pulled from the netherworld into this one.
Footnote: The Interpreter and  Mr Triffic have unresolved issues and the relationship is strained meaning that The Pavs influence on the Strike-Force is growing weaker with each passing day. So much so that nobody is quite sure whether his presence, when called upon, would be detrimental to the team.
Quote: "No comment" (Interpreter) 
"Its time, to quote the vernacular, to Rock and Roll" (The Pav - translated from Russian)


Project 'Peter'

Species: Forward.
Notable aliases: The Robot, Rodney, The Tall One, Freak Boy.
Team responsibility: Plan B. Causes an altogether different type of problem by being difficult to defend against thanks to his unorthodox attacking flair which is disguised by his awkward stance.
Main abilities: Genetically altered human, part-man part-robot. The only part-machine member of the strike-force gives him an advantage over others during air attacks thanks to his height. Used routinely as a target/point man in emergency attack formations.
Other strengths: Can momentarily fly and guide missiles on target with devastating yet sublime precision. The robotic part of his brain is capable of stupendous mathematical calculations and processing power that he not only uses during his offensive duties but also socially, as he endeavours to 'fit into' a world where tall people with imbedded CPU's are dismissed as freaks. Peter was able to run a complex social discourse algorithm which covered off every possible question/answer scenario for a one-on-one discussion allowing for best possible selection to achieve the maximum success (with an estimated 0.0000000001% chance of failure) when attempting to find a female for mating purposes. He pulled Abbey Clancy on his very first calculation attempt. The algorithm rules.
Footnote: Great touch for a robot.
Quote:"0110110101111001001000000110111001100001011011010110010100100000011010010111
00110010000001110000011001010111010001100101011100100010000001101001001000000111011
10110000101101110011101000010000001110100011011110010000001100010011001010010000001
111001011011110111010101110010001000000110011001110010011010010110010101101110011001
000000110100001010"




Welcome to the future…Lilywhites.